
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
How great you were able to see your little grandsons bathing. How sweet!
Listen, your feeling about the amount of money you'd like to spend, and then even the choice should be totally up to your discretion. You have given them as new parents quite a lot already. I've never enjoyed all those years when my nieces and nephews were growing up......I was always told by both my own mother, and sister that it would be best to buy especially golden boys kids clothes. That apparently was a situation as in...that's what they needed, they didn't need toys. Now that that's all said and done in terms of my nieces and nephews.....I often think, gee, I should have just given them toys a few years . They were kids, well and if their own parents or other relatives have to dictate what kind of a a gift is given their kid, that's not fun on a variety of levels. Anyway, you give what you and your husband want to give. The Pooh Bears are perfect.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
There are great grandchildren now in the picture. Now with my sister's daughter....
I see her little ones, and have been invited to their baptismals and first year everything up to now. But my one brother's two eldest children now have two kids each. So that's four kids right there. I never see them. They never so much as just drop by to visit my mother (their grandmother), on just a regular day. It's only when there used to be food ready for them to eat on a holiday. This isn't happening anymore, since I believe my sister has burned out on all the effort that takes, and it just became too many people. I don't blame her one bit, either as she has her hands full with mom. My brother's kids live so far too, and I just am not seeing,
or bonding with this clan's kids whatsoever. So....I am thinking that I'm not going to give them gifts anymore. Besides.....their parents (my niece & nephew) never say a decent thank you, or send me a note of appreciation for past years, when I gave them gifts. It's also become way out of my budget. Do you all think I am wrong for feeling this way?
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I already ordered the Pooh Bears last night. I also booked a flight today leaving on Jan 5 and returning on Jan 10. Cyber Monday prices were excellent, less than $150 round trip and non stop. No car seats and no walkers coming from us. I amy give them a gift card for Christmas to buy formula from Cost-Co but it will be to them, not my grandsons. If I indulged anyone, it will be the boys....time for dd and sil to grow up. As grandparents we should be able to get them special things from us.Of course toys are used up and broken then forgotten...that is why I love the idea of the ornaments, as they grow, have different interests and achievements something to remember it by that is from us.
Margeaux~ I must say I understand...my sis would complain every birthday and Christmas because she would send a monetary gift to her grandchildren and never received a thank you for the parents or the kids. I suggested to her (as the grands got older to include with the gift, a stamped,. self addressed thank you cards), sis thought that was being to forward. She mentioned it to her daughters several times to no avail. Not to dis my sis, but....we learn what we live and are exampled...the disadvantages of a dysfunctional family life and believing you are entitled due to your role within the family.
I started bone broth on Saturday afternoon with the turkey carcass. It took 2 crock pots to accommodate all the the bones. It was not done until I got home tonight. The smaller crock evaporated more liquid than the larger one even after adding more water this morning. Both crocks were so full I could not add vegetables. I must say, the turkey broth I made a couple weeks ago, was outstanding for using in the gravy on Friday's Thanksgiving. I made 4 cups of gravy and it was all gone with only 4 people.
I am off tomorrow - Thursday...
My relationship with the twisted ones will never be the same. It will never recover from the past three years and it doesn't bother me. They can have each other and deserve each other. How in the heck did I become the bad guy? I know quite well. TS#1 became involved two years ago with the false allegations about me to APS when it became obvious to me that I needed an attorney. TS#2, mom's POA let #1 into this fray and has always been afraid to stand up to her. TS#1 is not someone you want angry with you, she is a manipulator and vindictive. Was reading online about these types of narcissists, malicious narcissists, that evidently try andnare very successful at rallying other family members to think their target is the problem. First she went after me through auntie dearest. For a short period of time, auntie dearest backed away from her. But then was sucked back in again, I am guessing because of tears and the "poor me" crap! Then went after me through my kids, then TS#2 whom has no backbone or character to do as she has been instructed in the POA's or the trust.
So, coal in their stocking ornaments for Xmas?
As far as the card from my mom's sister, she may very well also have dementia. She is at the age where my mom began having symptoms that interfered with the normal living of life.
She's always been an emotional basket case, a ball of nerves, in a state, all worked up, etc. I should call her Aunt Tizzy. I have never run into somebody so emotionally crippled before in my life. That whole part of the family is what I call "Messed Up Big Time". She gave my mom & dad crap for putting me in a private school. She gave mom crap when I went off to college. I should have stayed home (really?!?) More crap when I moved out of state and got married. Like any of this had anything to do with her. She is a walking drama bomb looking for a fuse. This won't surprise you, but her two daughters live just minutes down the road and that's too far for her.
Glad- I would give TS's the ornaments after you no longer have to deal with them regarding your mother. We have given coal as jokes and everyone loved it but your sis's may not appreciate it.
My kindle really messed up my post. I meant where is Kazza, has anyone heard from her and how she is doing?
Let's not add fuel to the fire. HAAH!
I know it's tempting.......but don't go there.
Just my opinion-humble, of course!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Maybe I will keep the two stockings for myself, label with their names, put them on my tree as a reminder to myself of these unbelieveable three years. It is kind of a cute idea, I think and when I thought of it, did make me feel better for awhile.
Oh....o.k., thinking about it is all right!
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
My husband is the baby of four! His older siblings do NOTHING ! And certainly never opened their homes to care for their own parents! Omg.
When my mother in law passed , there was no help with her funeral costs. So, as my father in laws power of attorney, AND in charge of handling his funeral, I have it FULLY planned ! .
Will be having him cremated , and no one will see him! They have never even visited him in going on TEN YEARS!
If people think that's wrong, "Oh well"! Been through hell with my sister in laws and brother in law already with their mum.....That's not happening again!
They will be called after his cremation with a date for his service!
These people drink funny water up in the hills or something??? And "this girl" is tired of the dysfunctional crazy bs !
Oh their all alcoholics and drug addicts if that draws the picture better on the dysfunction ! All except my husband and I ..... Guess you can see how we took the respondsibility when the drunks/drug addicts abandoned their own parents ..... at least until they knew "we jumped in to help them"!
Omg, "Can I scream now"??? lol Im "Sooooo writing a book about this family"! lol (Seriously) !
It has been raining all day yet warm enough I have the kitchen window open. Of course cooking heats up the kitchen too.
It was good of you to take the trouble to tell him the news about your son. Well done, that was brave and the right thing to do. I'm just sorry he's such an idiot. And I'm sorry that your son is so troubled.
Maybe the diagnosis will draw some sort of line for him to start again from. Labels can help, when they're used the right way.
I hope your mother wasn't badly hurt? No broken bones? I know bumps and bruises can be rough going too, though; and worrying about falls, as Tigger would say, is What I Do Best. It's no fun.
Enjoy the decorating - pretty things are nice to have around, even if you're really not in the mood. Hugs to you.
I am very sorry about this news regarding your son. The kind of drugs he's been taking can really harm someone. It appears in the world of divorce....many times one parent will try to blame the other, which is many times completely unfair.
But it does sound as if your son has contributed to his own condition, if you're saying he's been taking these drugs, what was it six years? HE has to take responsibility for that. Once sons or daughters get to be a certain age, well they make their own decisions. I don't think there is any such thing as "saving," them. Sure, this is a very hard lesson for your son to have to come to grips with, but he is way beyond the age, where you should have to be feeling ultimately responsible for his bad choices, too.
I'm sure you have more than enough to worry about with your mom's care.
Do come back and give us some updates.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
That's what's going on with me. I think of you guys often and I read here and there the past few weeks. Hope all is well.
guestshop - how about donating to a good cause in someone's name?
homebound - .sounds like you have a circus to deal with. Too much!!!!
glow - that's a big load to carry.. Hope you have some support other than here. Maybe take some time to yourself and cry when you need to.
Margeaux - I wouldn't give any more to extended family who don't acknowledge/reciprocate.
Sharyn - The whole gift giving thing can get really out of hand. Do what feels right to you.
glad - I have pretty well cut off my sis. It feels good.
sandwich, loo, and others - frustrations come with the territory. Wish they didn't. I am trying to " Oh well" them as much as possible to spare my stress levels.
I managed to buy for several years of birthdays and Christmases for my youngest g'kids when Zellers here was closing. Got some great bargain - clothes for E and toys for J. Now I just give everyone money - much easier, then they can get what they want. Mother is another thing. I used to give her flowers for holidays etc. then she stared being very critical and saying they were a nuisance, but being very happy about that her neighbour gave her.. Typical narcissist she gave me the name of a high end florist and said that was what she wanted - well, the smallest arrangement - like a flower in a bowl - started at over $100. Needless to say I don't use them. I figured why bother, but still took her out for lunch when I was in town. The past year this has all fallen apart. I don't want to sent her anything now as she could move any time. Hopefully she will be settled by Christmas.
My Christmas is very simple and often alone these days with G going to see his kids and grands and that's OK. Last year my g'friend died just before so that put a damper on things. G and do our thing for New Years.
Getting more and more energy back - did some laundry and floor washing before breakfast yesterday and walked for an hour. Taking it easier today
Have a good evening everyone and take care of you.
Btw, re your suggestion. We are getting toys for tots donations in the name of son of choir director for my son's chorale group in high school. Born with inoperable heart and organ defects he did not survive his first day on earth. Puts so much in perspective in dealing with my dysfunction junction inlaws. Blessed be this holiday season;)
Glow~Lots going one and hope you find support...I know you will here on this site.
Many things that I am milling over and thinking I now have my d about. Dismissive attachment disorder, lack of emotional support within the family...I finally sent a video of Ethan laughing for the the first time to my sil so she could send it to my fil. Hubs had too many issues in sending it.I now have my fil's email addy as hubs did not want to give it to me, ( my sil did), I just don't know how much he plays dumb or how much he controls. Time will tell as we continue to journey through this.