
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Ladee M's boobs are just fine she is using them for knee warmers. She is quiet at the moment looking at her future career plans.
Think about it.......if someone went on the "hugs," section, which for crying out loud, I would think that it would be a place for people to be kind, and come forth with good will and nothing but encouragement. If the opposite has been done, then my suspicion is the fact that we do unfortunately have some ill willed people here.
The trolls.
You have indicated that SAD is affecting you. When I have read at times that someone has lost a loved one, and they're making their announcement that they're leaving I sometimes think, that's really too bad. Although maybe some people think just because they are no longer in the hands on caregiving situation, there's no longer any reason to contribute, I'd think they are the ones who could give very special advice after having experienced caregiving. Of course, there are times that possibly some people just need to take a break, etc.......and that's perfectly fine too. But I hope that in your case since you've mentioned these questionable hugs,
I hope this isn't making you feel less than, or something like that which would end up making you feel that your contributions here aren't valuable, because they are.
Big Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Yes, that's a point well taken. I think at times some people may look at things as if they're putting a topic into one small little box. If others start to stray from the box others don't like it, get offended, etc. We do have concerns about our hubs, insurance, and our well being as it relates to it. It's all interconnected, as far as I'm concerned. I also feel, that some times posters will start to say things like we're getting off topic, etc., because they just basically hits a nerve with their views about matters. But for the poster, it's still what they are truly experiencing, and it is affecting them. Flexibility is good.
Oh, flip flops.....they're the worst kind of shoe, in fact I don't event consider them shoes. I'm having to become very selective about shoes I wear in general, especially for walking.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Sorry,
Margeaux
Spot on! I grew up around my share of dysfunction. However, I will say that my dad was very hard working, and he loved to cook. He was very physically inclined by doing gardening, and literally ........I saw him re-arranging his garden constantly.
So, in other words, I am lucky and I do have a point of reference thank the cosmos of a man who enjoyed, wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty, and took great pride in it. Heck when he was very sick with his cancer already 84, I'll never forget oone of the last times I looked out the window, and even saw dad on his knees weeding on a pillow. This for me, was quite a sad day, because I realized what a turn the cancer had taken, the chemo, everything, and had obviously weakened, his
knees. But, this of course reinforced a lesson to me. That lesson being.......that
there are just some people who no matter what, are the doers for themselves
By contrast......my husband, gee one would think he was born some centuries ago, and was on the higher rung of a royal court.
Yes, in cases where one starts to feel taken advantage of, having to wait on them hand and foot, that's wrong, and the people being taken advantage of, need to wake up! I do say this from my own experience, too.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I don't want to only always be reading about the grind life of hands-on caregiving. I'm living it and reading about grand babies, and dogs, and cooking, and gardening, and other facets of people's lives is wonderful for me. No, I don't always have a comment because most of you have lived more life than I have, have more skills... you would not want my input on cooking anything, ha!
But those other topics are so wonderful, such a nice distraction, a nice "conversation" about something else besides the constant frustration and dreariness of hands-on caregiving to someone who's declining.
Well... that's how I feel about the topic of posting *whatever* someone chooses to post, that is relevant and important to them. I appreciate those of you who want to share the ups and downs of your own personal lives. It's nice... it allows me to get to "see" your personalities more. I feel more connected and I feel supported. And that means the world right now.
Sharyn is as much a caregiver as anyone, plus she knows a lot about dysfunctional family relationships. I think she's irreplaceable to this thread. So I hope you stick around, sharyn. 💜
https://www.agingcare.com/contactus.aspx
This is exactly what I'm talking about. Some of us have been a part of this thread in particular, almost 3 yrs., well I'm speaking for myself. If we don't share other points about our lives, we'd never be able to get a grasp really about anyone here.
Yes, we share, many great things here, even how to make a good bone broth, thanks to Emjo!
I also think, that this thread holds a particular facet about caregiving that others may not focus on, and that is the dysfunctional part. Well, I do know I've read other threads, but maybe they don't talk about it in the dysfunctional terms.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Welcome to the thread. I think that when an elder is determined to be incompetent,
they often act out to the person closest to them. In you case, since you've been
doing on going caregiving for 3 yrs., you are the one. She may be having a very hard time coming to grips with this diagnosis. Of course that isn't your fault, nor is it fair towards you.
I would think, the fact that she is now deemed incompetent, that she could not
change a POA, in her condition according to the law. I doubt you are under any obligation to pay her too.
Please come back and share about your situation.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I'm sorry that your siblings are being such a pain. Come here and vent all you need to! Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk with face to face about this? You might want to consider taking care of your own mental health by finding a supportive therapist who is knowledgeable about family members can be in this kind of situation and help you survive. My step-dad never like the fact that my mother made me her durable and medical POA. However, if she had not made that decision then she would have died years before she did.
By a very I guess you could call it being a caregiver, I'm not one either.
I did have some passing moments some time back, maybe I didn't fit in here after hearing how difficult other hands on caregivers, and people who have their loved ones in facilities and are dealing with difficult POA's, difficult relatives, you name it.
I then thought about it, and said, "No," I still have at times something to offer.
Even if it's like the cheering squad, which I personally feel is very important.
We just don't know when we are all going to be also affected by a bad spell, where we are the ones who need advice and cheering up, too. It's the Ying and Yang.
I too am very, very grateful this thread in particular exists, and you guys all feel like my family. Even this morning, gee as I was writing about dad, who passed going on 13 years this March, I felt kind of bummed thinking about that memory.
It hadn't surfaced for a long time. It just feels good to share this with my amigas and amigos here, because it feels safe.
How are you doing, I hope that your anxiety has calmed down.
Get yourself some lavender oil or flowers, that can help calm you down.
Lemon and citrusy scents can lift the mood.
O.K., take care my dear.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
But I'm very bad at letting go of the sheer curiosity. Given that I am a complete ingrate, which aspect of this disastrous project of theirs am I supposed to be grateful for?
I hope to God they are done! Thank you for seeing it so clearly.