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Countrymouse,

Oh I am so sorry to hear this, I must have missed a post of your's over the last few days. My youngest brother has this going on with his wife. Any and all communications for a very long time were handled/filtered by her, when it came to the siblings, or our mother, before ALZ.
I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Austin,

Yes, that is a horrific story about your husbands last hospital stay!
When my dad had a stroke, he had it at home. I was there at the time,
and had to handle mother, and the call the paramedics. When we arrived at a hospital that is very close to my parent's house, (but not dad's hospital), for the cancer......dad was wheeled in to the emergency room. A doctor came out, and as mother and I were giving him dad's insurance, medical info., he then turned to me,
and said something or other about, "Why was he going so far away to another hospital, blah di blah?" What kind of question was that, by a so called medical professional. I know the reason was, that the other hospital specialized in Cancer treatment. I was beside myself as it was, since poor dad had his stroke in the shower, and I had to deal w/all of that. Now, had I been in my normal self, I would have told this doctor a thing or two. My dad only ended up there,
because it was a medical emergency! I remember wanting to report his a**, but I just didn't have the where with all, to do that. My dad, in a few days would be taken by ambulance to his other hospital. It appeared that hospital by their home
staff was giving attitude. So my mom, and of course my sister decided to switch dad to where his docs knew him since he'd been getting treatment for cancer.

It's really scary what some of these hospital's, and staff do to people when they are their most vulnerable..

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Countrymouse,

Might I add, that I am very, very happy to hear that this hospital staff,
is being so kind, efficient and considerate of you.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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My other story is that my husband died about 4:30 am about 12 hrs. after being taken off life-support meds I was there as his heart rate went to zero-I got a statement from my Medicare supplement a doc charged for a hospital visit that afternoon and the next day-I called the supplement company and they were glad and then said I have to call Medicare -they blew me off. I should have mad a formal complaint because even though they seem to sweep it under the rug all complaints are addressed when inspection is done by the Joint Commission and the hospital managers are made aware of what happens in the past.
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I had to set a boundary with a facebook friend tonight. He is a long tome friend of my brother and he has interest in my sister bug it didn't work between them. He lets me know in subtle ways his disappointment/anger with nh sis. J private messaged him to tonight telling him he can contact my sister by phone or email but I am not my sister. I hops I don't Lise him az a friend as h's has great info to share regarding being a Vietnam Nam vet pres etc but I had to set the boundary as much as it hurt me to tell him I am Sharyn not Kathy.
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Sharyn sometimes we need to set boundaries with people and I am glad you did that.
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CM I am so sad to hear about your mother. It does seem as though her time on earth is fast approaching but of course you never know. Do everything you can to get her home to die in her own comfortable bed far from the poking and proding and hum of machine and general clatter of hospital life. The way the second part of her stroke happened is always to be expected it is called progression. You are doing all the right things but you don't need me to tell you that. Hospice can asses her in the hospital, and help you get her home. Thinking about you and Mum
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Margeau, I totally see your point. I collect odds and ens throughout the year. I would do something like buy a Christmas mug (25 cents in out thrift store half price last week) and fill it with some candy and call it good) If your friend is living in a trailer park she certainly should not be using $500 to spend on unwanted gifts. There is certainly more than good will going on in her life.
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Veronica is right -if you have to give a gift -get a cheap something-if there is a dollar store they have nice cheap things or even a thrift store-for a pretty dish or something or just say thank you -they probably will never get you a gift again but so what -you are not keen on exchanging with her anyway-I do not send cards to those I will see during the season-I did not send cards out last year and that cut down my list a lot this year because many people took me off their list.
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In the dog house.

Daughter and I sought permission to help mother with a cup of tea this afternoon. Permission granted, as long as we thickened it. Much neurotic hand-disinfecting, reading of labels, measuring, careful stirring, etc etc followed. But still! - five minutes later, we had one cup of still reasonably warm, slightly sweetened tea at the ready, even if it did look more like liquidised brownish frogspawn.

Well, mother was more than ready for it. Unfortunately, she was so pleased to get a "hot" drink she had a couple of sips, then took hold of the cup and glugged it back before I could get it away.

The nurses were very kind about it. They did not accuse me of trying to waterboard my mother with a cup of tea, which is what I felt as if I had done. They went so far as to say that her technicolor choking and coughing was actually a good sign, because it's when the cough is absent that you're in real trouble…

And I'm sure they didn't mind at all having to hurtle into the room and hoist a patient upright in her chair for emergency suction like that.

Oh boy. We live and learn.
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(((((((cm)))))) What a difficult experience for all of you. Hopefully your mum has learned something too. She is a trooper isn't she? Sounds like the staff are wonderful. Things we take for granted!!! We all can count our blessings that we can have a cuppa without those problems. Regardless of what happened you are a terrific daughter and caregiver.

Sharyn - the older I get the easier it is for me to draw boundaries. It is so necessary at times.

Austin - I hardly send cards anymore - friends keep in touch by email. Speechless at the nh and docs when your hub died.

Margeaux - I will post more on the gift giving. My recommendation to talk about it with her came from "Mr Manners" of USA. Hints don't work with people like that.

Veronica - have you had the procedure? How are you doing?

Daughter has invited me to have Christmas dinner with them as well as tonight. That is nice and about as much socializing as I can handle. One or the other would have been fine. I will make a peach blackberry cobber for dessert. tonight. Got my haircut and coloured by a new person as the girl I used to go to - who was great - has left. Meh, and my hair is flying in every direction with static. I guess he didn't use any conditioner. Oh well. Thankful for small problems.

Have a good day and look after you.
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Merry Christmas, Everyone
Having a rough year ourselves, wish all of you joy and peace.
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the gift giving caper...

We actually had to deal with this or my daughter did when a youngish mother, relative if her hub, brought literally garbage bags full of gifts for my grandchildren and all for birthdays and holidays. How they afforded it is beyond me as they were a young couple with 2 toddlers and not a great deal of money. My daughter was shocked and no way could she and her hub ever keep up with this even had they wanted to, and they didn't. It was not good for the kids for one thing. She and I talked about it and she decided to talk to the young mother, explain her position, which she did and the gift giving went down to a reasonable amount and I don't think anyone was hurt.

I sense that a few of you were shocked when suggested Margeaux talk to her friend. I actually did look it up on line and read what the experts suggest, which is as follows. This only quotes an etiquette expert, but a psychologist in that article says much the same.

Quote - "If you haven’t been encouraging her generosity and you’re an unwilling recipient, Farley advises sitting down with the friend or family member in question, in private, and approaching the conversation with gratitude. Often, he says, the giver has no idea just how offensive her social miscues have been, and having it brought to her attention can feel like a shock.
“You could say something like, ‘I’m so appreciative of your kind gestures—thank you—but I really can’t accept your gifts anymore,’” Farley suggests. It’s simple, to the point, and can prevent hurt feelings.
“You don’t need to give them a list of reasons, either,” advises Thomas P. Farley (aka “Mister Manners”), a New York City-based manners expert and author.”

Looks like we did the right thing. It worked out anyway and no more discomfort or overgiving.

I backed out of supper tonight as the gut bug wars have flared. Looking forward to making tomorrow. Have a good evening everyone. Merry Christmas to one and all.
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When I used to celebrate Christmas, as a teenager, I usually go to the flea market with dad. Since I knew what most of my siblings liked, I would buy 'used' items at such cheap price. Cleaned it, wrapped it. My SIL still have some very pretty unique colorful vases that I 'found' on these jaunts. Some knickknacks were so unusual but very pretty, too - on display in her glass case cabinet. I asked her if she's willing to part some to me. She emphatically said NO.

I used to buy Tshirts for my brothers where ever I traveled - London, Korea, Hong Kong, etc... with my own money. When you have 3 brothers, 2 sisters and numerous neices/nephews - tshirts made great gifts to my brothers and nephews. Then one day, my older brother complained in front of everyone that all I ever got for him was Tshirts. After that complaint, I stopped buying for my brothers. Plus, I realized that I never saw them wear the shirts that I bought. Dad was the only one who wore the shirts I brought.

I would have problem telling someone face-to-face to stop giving me gifts. I'd look so guilty and uncomfortable. Then I will end up saying weakly, "It's okay if you still want to keep giving, though." to avoid hurting her feelings.
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CM, your post about your mom choking when she drank enthusiastically on her tea - IS scary. When mom started having problems drinking fluid, she choked awfully bad. Her face was all dark red. I can just imagine this happening to you for the first time. One never gets used to it - even if it's the first, third or 40th time. And you're right. The your hospital staff are really great, aren't they? If this had happened here, the nurse would have lectured us, etc.. And you would have felt even worse than before. You take care.

P.S. about your brother, my oldest bro is like that. When mom was dying and all the sibs flew back, oldest bro came to visit us - but only in the front porch. Talk, talk, talk. After mom died and we were arguing over her funeral arrangement, oldest bro got angry and cried in front of us. Told us to stop it. I was shocked to see him Crying. Later, I found out that oldest bro never came in to see mom while she was dying. He may have lived next door, but he never came in to visit mom for months. The only time he saw mom was when we called the ambulance and he came over to help the paramedics. FYI... the one time mom became 'coherent' among us siblings, she looked directly to her favorite - my oldest brother - and not to any of us. Scared him silly because even then, years ago, he never visited her. Imagine his guilty conscience - to not say his goodbye or to even Look at mom while she was alive.

I don't know if your brother will end up like my brother. I hope he wises up and visits your mom - rather than when it's too late and she's not here to hear him. It's like everyone said here. You can't force your brother. Just keep updating him and leave it to him to decide. No guilt on you. It's now all on his shoulders. {{{HUGS}}
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Just stopping in to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. My family and I visited my dad who lives two states north of me. His alzhiemer's is much worse and he has been diagnosed with Parkenson's. My step-sister who is his Durable and Medical POA believe it is time for him to move from his home with three caregivers being there 24/7 in 8 hour shifts to either assisted living or to a nursing home. He is 89 and has given up on life since his wife died back in May. He wants to die so that he can go be with her. My step-sister suprised me last night when she told me when she was alone that she appologized for how her very critical mother had treated me over the years. I appreciate that and hope one day she will say the same thing to my wife.
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Jmerry Christmas everyone!
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Jmerry to you too, Sharyn. And everybody else. I am glad Christmas for us is done. Us Scandinavians celebrate on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day is just a relaxed not much going on. Last week I was so depressed did nkt think I wouldnget through it. No TS's involved at all. There was not an invitation to do anything else, even if there had been I would have declined. They still could have invited Mom and L, though they didn't, maybe they learned their lesson Thanksgiving and found out how difficult it is to take them both out for many reasons.

So, had a very pleasant night here, invited a neighbor, the one that called my twisted ones pretzels, used to babysit for her daughters when I was in high school. Also had Mom's Saturday caregiver here and she is spending the night. These two women I do not know what I would do without! They are both so supportive and kind, what sisters should be to one another.

So, all of you non-Scandinavians out there have a pleasant day tomorrow. I so appreciate every one of you!
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glad - I am happy that you have some good friends to spend time with.
God jul og godt nytt år.
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Gesundheit to you too emjo. Let's see if I remember. God Jul, Var sa god, and smorgasbord!

And Happy New Year to you too! Isn't google amazing?! ;)
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I count on it and the translate function. On face book I have conversations with people writing in Portuguese! We manage.
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I wanted to go back to taking photos. I used to do this a lot when I was in my 20's. I'm more into just family photos but stopped when most of my photos came out wrong. This is using the old camera where you drop in the film roll. After 2 trips and numerous family gatherings and 3 film rolls later - I found out that somehow I dropped it in wrong. Most of the photos came out damaged/black. So, I stopped. When I went to Colorado 4 years ago, baby bro gave me his digital camera when he saw me walking around with my old fashion drop-in film camera. I never used the camera until today. When I came out with it, fave sis exclaimed that I'm so old fashion. The new thing is using your cell phone or iPad. Well... I have simple cell phones (one is flip open and one is plain, Not a smartphone.) I prefer the digital camera because it's small and can dangle from my wrist.

Sharyn, do you remember posting to Margeaux in November 2013 on how to transfer her photos from the digital camera to her computer? At the time, I didn't even know how to use the digital camera, much less how to download the photos. So, I copied and pasted your advice. Today, I wanted to transfer the photos taken in Las Vegas in 2010 onto my laptop so that I can free up some space on the camera. I went to my file notes of your advice, and followed it exactly. You were very accurate in explaining it step-by-step. It was so simple to follow, I actually did it!!! I wish you can also show me how to adjust the darn digital camera. I asked several people today and they're no longer familiar with digital cameras. Only with their cell phones. However, fave niece showed me how to file. I hope I remember the next time! I forgot to write it down. Anyway, thanks soooo much for your detailed instructions! I finally benefited from it today. =)
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Merry Christmas to all of you! I am so thankful that we have a wonderful
community of friends here, where we share many things and information about our lives!

Cheers!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Emjo,

WOW! Thanks! O.K., let's see whether I can muster up the courage to say something like this to her. She's a very moody woman, and I'm afraid to say that if I bring it up in this manner, it could really affect our friendship. Believe me, I do like her, but I also feel in this case it speaks to her spending habits, which are not good.

The relationship to money is somewhat off, especially right now. I have seen her go through enormous amounts of money, and even lose lots of it, because she gets involved in stupidity.

Thanks,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Book- you camera should have a button or fail for adjusting the exposure. If you google it you can find out how to adjust it or to have it in auto . It may be in your settings but just google the qeztion and camera model.
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Veronica,

Yes, I have already been looking in our local thrift store.
I refuse to get sucked into this. She has a terrible attitude about money, I already know this fact about her also. Another detail.........I find it rather rude of people to be actually talking about the dollar amount budget they supposedly have to spend on gifts, especially in a time of frugality for so many people. Personally, I thought that was a weird comment made by her, a few weeks ago.

I'm getting something she'll just have to like, and if she doesn't that's HER problem.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Austin,

She may just receive some homemade cookies.
I am not going to be controlled by this!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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My Christmas Eve was mellow. I spoke to my sister yesterday, to see what her
and mom's plans were, and to see when I could deliver their gifts. My stress was
lessened when she told me that she, the daughter, kids, and everybody over there have been down w/flu bugs. They got flu shots, too about a month ago. She says they've all been passing it to one another, and the only one who hadn't been affected is mother, so that was good news.

So my husband and I just went to a neighbor's gathering for dinner, which was
nice, that we didn't have to drive somewhere. This morning I'm up early and
have my tamale preparation in progress. We'll have those tonight.
I'm making some green chile and cheese ones, and if I've time some sweet ones.
That's the kind of thing I enjoy doing on a holiday.

Hope everyone is cozy, having maybe some eggnog, or beverage of their choice.
I'm hoping I can find Masterpiece Theatre today, with episodes I've missed-re-runs
of past seasons of Downton Abbey. I've been watching it, because I want to catch up for the upcoming season. I've become a fan.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Devastated...last night transported Mom to Putnam hospital with pneumonia and a few other situations...lethargic and non responsive...just got home, as I spent all night ER and then admission...
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Oh Tamma, I'm so sorry that you and mom are going through this! Keep us posted!
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