
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
cm - speaking of health emergencies - how is your mum, and how are you?
Margeaux - sounds like you are having a nice Christmas. Hope your mum does not get sick. It comes with mixing so many generations in one house. I like your attitude - that you will not be controlled by this.
book - I have a new camera and haven't looked at it yet, G found the old one of mine he had put in a safe place. I think I will try the new one soon. I used to do photography in my 20s too, then not much for years. When Gordie died my kids wanted to give me a meaningful gift for my birthday which was 3 weeks later and bought me a decent digital camera. I am back "shooting" again since. Love the digitals with no films.
glad, I know it is all over for you by now. We were lucky as kids - had Norwegian Christmas in the 24th and English Christmas on the 25th. Got some of our presents early. Hope you get a chance to relax a bit. It has been a very hard year for you.
Sharyn hope your mum is OK after the fall and that you have a great time visiting those grandbabies.
Austin - enjoy your family and your friend. I know he adds a lot to your life.
Iwentanon nice to see you here again and hope you are having a good Christmas and New year
cmag - best wishes to you - nice to see you posting again.
Me - where are you???
loo, sandwich, Alison, judda, Jessie and others - thinking of you all and hoping that this season gives you a break of some kind.
Going to make the cobbler this afternoon for tonight. Not feeling 100% but going to go to my daughter's anyway tonight. Have to find a new hairdresser not happy with the chopping I got this week.
When anyone wishes me a good New Year, I think it has to be better than last year because mother is on drugs lol. Now if we could get my sib on drugs... though I don't think there is one that treats narcissism. Dang!!! I am tired from last year - mother with her mental illness, exacerbated by increasing paranoia which has abated in the past few months, thankfully, crazy phone calls, suicidal thoughts, working on getting mother's paperwork sorted out, nasty comments from the female sib, sewer back up, lads in the basement who did not do what they said they would do, though they did clean up the sewage and I am grateful for that, G stressing about his horses, and work situation which is not getting better as oil prices have fallen, this recent bout of gut infection lasting 6 months and still not entirely over. Losing my beloved Toonie cat so quickly. , Now I have to start on my list of blessings - mother is on drugs lol...
My mother's neighbor invited us to a Christmas breakfast with other neighbors in the new senior living apartment house. The food was superb, everyone got stocking stuffed with candy and fun gifts, there was a tree, there were interesting people, there were English gift "crackers", and lots of good conversation. Mom and I had a great time. After the party we both took naps, and then I made her a light lunch. I gave her an appointment book filled with inspirational writing and colorful photographs of nature. It was just what she wanted. She gave me one of her favorite shawls that she didn't want anymore but it was special because it had memories of when she used to wear it in Florida. I was happy with it and appreciated that she shared it.
Our hostess at the breakfast party told me, "I want you do to know how much we love your mother. She is fun, very sharp, and we just think she is a great lady."
I knew they were seeing a side of her I don't always see anymore, and NOT seeing her other darker side. I was sad and wished I could feel like they did again.
"I am glad you feel that way." was all I could muster up.
I am grateful for so much. So glad Mom moved to this place and has a chance to make new friends. I hope many of you caregivers have a chance to be relieved of the pressures you are under via other caring people.
Merry Christmas.
Sharyn, I was so frustrated trying to figure out the digital camera. I went from an old fashion drop-in film camera to a digital camera with no instruction pamphlet. Yesterday, I was so frustrated, I gave up trying to take photos of family. When I took pics vertically, there was this black space on the sides of the pics. Old fashion cameras didn't do that. Last night, I googled the make/model of the camera until I found the camera's manual in PDF. I downloaded it. My first new knowledge is that when taking photos, to gently push the button halfway, hold, then press all the way down. I took pictures on the digital as if using the oldie - press the button down immediately. Like Emjo said, the one thing great about digitals is that we don't waste films. I'm going to try to bring the camera and practice just shooting photos. Until pressing the button is 2nd nature to press halfway and then all the way down.
Juddha - I like that your mom is in a very nice place and that the people really like her. Who knows, maybe your mom will like it so much, that she also begins to treat you like she does with her friends. Maybe.
I'm not going to spend too much time here. I'm still trying to finish off the Children's Nutrition online course. And I'm trying to read up on a book for another course I plan to take in January 1 or 2 - on Learning How to Learn. I figured if I lose my current job, I want to try something new. I figured if I can get tips on learning new things, it will help me in getting/maintaining my new job. This book I got for the course is Great!!! It's titled A Mind for Numbers. It has advice of what my middle school Social Studies teacher taught us whenever we started a new chapter in the book. Our teacher taught us to read the title, the subtitles and the questions at the end of the chapter. This teacher was also the one who taught us how to Outline the chapter. So, this ebook I'm reading on numbers - will teach us on problem solving by using focus mode and diffuse mode. And help for us procrastinators (that's me!) to stop procrastinating. So far, chapter 2 is great. Too bad I can't remember what I just finished reading the other day.... I think my brain got so used to AC and novels, it forgot how to read and maintain factual, important information.
I was wondering about mom being confined to her bedroom.
You know I've not been down there in over a month, because I'm sure you remember that post about the last visit, and as I'd described......my sister has
taken to apparently allowing her daughter's family being there to be priority number one, in terms of having reign of mom's home. That really ruffled my feathers last visit, especially when my sis displayed her attitude about keeping mom in her bedroom.
But as one can see there are the draw backs of having so many people in one house. HAAH! Well when I spoke to sis on Christmas Eve......I could definitely hear the strain, stress in her voice. This all points to no boundaries, whatsoever!
Oh well, na pas ma problem, thank the cosmos!
But I agree with you that there are some benefits here to stupidity.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
So my turn came up. My box was rather hard to open, as it was wrapped with some kind of electrical tape. I struggled. Pushy woman was getting impatient!
I open the first box, then there was another box inside it, also hard to get open.
Once opened.......there was all this confetti style paper, (not as small as confti.). It was now all over the floor, plus the rest of the trash. What was inside,
first of all was a tooth brush, followed by some earplugs in a very small box.
Pushy came over with one of those huge trash bags, really wanting to just keep all the wrappings thrown immediately. For crying out loud, the gift obviously was wrapped like a gag, it was funny, and I couldn't enjoy this moment because of our neighbor's rude ways, (really why I've never cared for her). So one of the features of course since this was a game..... that everybody see the gift. Pushy got so in the way with her trash bag, that I didn't even notice there was a $20.00 gift card for Trader Joe's. It may have been thrown away, but for the fact that the guy who brought the gift, yelled out, "Don't throw that little box out, it's got a gift card on it."
Geez, this felt so awkward. I don't like playing these stupid games at parties.
It's really interesting to see people play out their ungraceful side in a crowd.
Our other neighbor grabbed one of these Dirt Devils from someone else.
He really scored, but hey I'm happy with my gift card.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I am so sorry that your had to go to the ER, with your mother.
Please keep us updated. I'll keep you and your's in my thoughts.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
So glad that the breakfast was good, and you got to enjoy some holiday cheer!
Isn't it interesting with our relatives, we know them one way, and outsiders know them another, usually more positive, right?
This reminds me of past days way before mother had ALZ, and was still a very active lady. Because of the history I as a daughter had with her, which was
the emotionally detached mother, always relying heavily upon my sister and me
to pick up the domestic slack with housework, and out siblings care, I had
an attitude about mom, which wasn't very ingratiating. But I'd talk to people who knew mom, and they always also seemed to see the positive, often funny side of her personality. Thank the cosmos she had it in her somewhere.
So I completely understand your position, of hearing about it, wondering......"Gee,
I wish she'd be that way with me." Anyway this is what I'd feel, at the good comments about mom.
That was a good gift, your mom's shawl, good memories.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I hate those games too! Ms. Pushy being the host of this gathering in this case wanted all the attention. I guess that's why she had to come with her trash bag, instead of allowing me to open the gift. I can just imagine how your sister TS#1
likes to grand stand and get attention.
I hope your holiday was calm, Glad.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Oh......I got myself into so much work, they're labor intensive.
The recipe is all about getting the dough right. It took me all day to make the green cheese and chile ones. I took a break, then got back to it and ended up making some sweet ones. It was worth it! This was my holiday treat for hubby and me,
since we usually are having to go elsewhere, for the holiday cheer. It felt good,
to do our own festivities in our home for a change. The weather has been very cold for our part of the states, too, so nothing like something hot to drink and stay warm.
Ummmmm eggnog, coffee and cinnamon!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
You all are going to think I put some moldy cheese in the recipe.
Margeaux
Yesterday my momwas holding Midget, she took Midget over ti where my cat was sleeping on the cat tree and my mom was I buried. I think the cat clawed ber with both front paws leaving a lpuncture wound on the back of her hand by her little finger another on the back of her hand by the index fingiiier and another kn her palm by the index finger. It bled well and I washed he'd hand applied peroxide and bandaides. My sister returned my mother to the facility
informing them that mom wa bitten by either the cat or the dog! They told my sister they would need ointment from the Dr but since the is out for the holidays she may have to go to ER which will report an animal bite to the police. Sis said oh well if you cant bring Midget to see her anymore oh well!!
cm how is your mum?
veronica - you seem to be on form so must have survived the prep
glad - getting back to "normal" I suppose
book - I hope you are making headway with the camera. I haven't even opened the box of my new one
I hate those games too. My Christmas present story is that a few years ago mother called and said she just couldn't keep up with presents anymore. She has sent the kids I think It was $10 or $20 dollars, faithfully for years as well stuff for my sis and I. They used to laugh about it in a nice way. I assured mother that we all understood and were very grateful for what she had sent over the years. There was a slight pause and mother said, "Your sister still wants wrapped presents.". There was another pause while I picked my jaw up off the floor and told her that, regardless, she didn't have to send gifts to anyone anymore, and at her age no one should expect that of her. She was at around 95 at that time. Narcissism at its best!
Hope everyone had a decent Christmas. Had a lovely meal at my daughter's. made totally by her hub who took the week off. His brother was a chef. I made a blackberry peach cobbler for dessert which was a success and brought some turkey home. Today is a veg day. Tomorrow I have to get to some chores and more of mother's paperwork. Want to get the current lot as far along as possible before the move which will entail more paperwork.
Have a good night and do something good for you.
The cat clawed your mum,
Your sis told the facility staff ALF that it was the cat or the dog.
It may be reported to the police by them so
you may not be able to bring Midget for visits.
That made a mountain out of a mole hill!
Can you relay the correct info to the staff? I think would be pretty pi$$ed too. Your mum and the others enjoy midget.
How to make the worst of a situation.
BTW saw your pics on f b and your sis looks very much like your mum!!! Wow.
Yes, christmas was peaceful. Last year was hell! ThenTS's didn't even call or email to check what plans were. They were probably hoping I would do breakfast for everybody as I did last year at the insistence of the guardian. I did it only because she wanted me to. And as time went on, I found out her insistence was because the twisted ones had told her that I was keeping Mom from them! Guardian came to get to know me and even when there was a caregiver here on Saturday, TS#1 still took more than three months to pay mom a visit. Her excuse had been she did not want to be in the same house with me. What a crock of it, I served as a very good excuse for her for awhile. Now she comes maybe every couple of weeks for an hour or so. And she wants to take Mom to the doc this next time. She knows nothing first hand, everything would be based on what she has been told. Not very productive time for the doctor, IMHO. If doc asked her any questions, what do you suppose she would say? Probably throw it back on me by saying she didn't know because I didn't tell her. And the judge ordered TS#2 to take Mom to doc if she couldn't she was to five me a HIPPA, which I have been trying to get from her for three years! Her attorney is an idjit, and is probably enjoying the pay she receives from my Mom's accounts each month.
judda -meant to comment on your Christmas morning. Wonderful that it went so well and you enjoyed yourself. That move has been so good for your mother and collaterally good for you.
Sharyn - I meant that your sis made a mountain out of a mole hill - not that you did. I realised that what I wrote wasn't clear. Aaaargh -sibs!.
Yes my sister and mom look very much alike. My brother and I look like our dad.
Camera. I took it out lastnight and experimented with and without flash. My subjects were other photos hanging on the wall and on picture frames on the shelves. I tried over and over to press halfway and then all the way down. Conclusion: My hands are steady if I press the button down fully. It never fails, when I press it half way, the whole camera starts shaking hard. I even leaned my arm against the chair and it still shook so hard. I don't know why this happens only when pressing the button halfway. But, I will prevail.
Tonight, I'm going to dig out all my albums and take photos of it. Then transfer it to my laptop. These are old photos when we were growing up. I took a picture of mom's black/white photo of her graduation dinner. It came out so perfect!!!
Question - where do you all store your photos online - The EASIEST one to store? My laptop may crash and I will lose all these photos - plus they're taking up my drive space. I have transferred it also to my flash drive - but those can become corrupt. A friend sent me her album in a Shutterfly. My aunty sent me on some kind of other one that sounds Spanish name. A client sent passports in the DropBox. But, I'd just like to know which ones you prefer. No, I don't have FB nor do I want to put it in FB. They've admitted that anything you put in FB, they have a right to do whatever they want with it. So, FB is out. Thanks...
Just thought of a response to ts2 related to who I meant to send that email to. MYSELF! Notes for the book I am going to write! ;) Wouldn't she love that?
By the way, I just saw on Fox news that some companies had hackers break into their accounts. So, I just changed my Amazon and Walmart's passwords. Amazon's the scary one because I have like 2 or 3 credit cards stored in there. Maybe time to delete 2 of the cards on file.