
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Glad to here you have your diabetes under control! Diet is everything. Happy to hear things sound like they will be "drama free" during this time. The farmhouse sounds wonderful! I could just imagine it, I love peace and quiet and being surrounded by nature, sounds like a good spot for you right now.
Everything was explained regarding the hospital type equipment being brought to our home tomorrow morning, the hospital bed, camode, oxygen, over the bed table, bath chair, and raised toilet seat. All the paper goods, med's and such.
The Dr was great at explaining FIL'S prognosis, and said his left lung mass has spread into his rib in the back, and that this is a fast growing type Cancer that often spreads to the brain and it will most likely be an infection of some kind, that will take his life, hmmm!
FIL says get has no real pain, so that's great for now! I tried feeding lunch to FIL, but he could only manage 5 bites, but he listened intently, and said he understood and agreed with everything presented, and seems relieved he is coming home.
My sister Cheryl stopped by, insistent on helping us get ready. My husband is the type of guy who is uncomfortable receiving help from others, but she and I went to the AL place, put in my FIL'S notice, and picked up many things he will need at our house, and the rest of his things will be moved out over the course of the next month. It was sad, as the Administrator was getting attached to him, saying he was one of her favorites! She's a real Sweetie, and even visited him in hospital!
Next we went and bought those XL twin sheets for his hospital bed, and a new fan as we are in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures up to 100 degrees this week!
Then off to grocery store to get lots of yummy foods he will hopefully enjoy, and things to make him nutritional smoothies. The nurse said he can eat Anything he wants, Lol! Wish my dream would tell Me that!
Tonight I am doing all his laundry, not much, but want everything clean and ready.
Hubby had the bedroom completely emptied and all clean, in ready for tomorrow's invasion! It will be a crazy couple of days, and then I feel we will get into a groove of caring for an invalid, as he is unable to even stand on his own now.
I can't remember if I mentioned that my FIL was flirting with one particular Nurse, and said some crazy things at the hospital. She told me he proposed marriage, and another time wanted to call his Dad on the phone, and also said he needed to stop the wedding! Not sure whose wedding, but I'm thinking it was the Sepsis talking. He does think he is some kind of Stud though, and always has, Lol!
Hubby outright said he wants meds to calm him down, so he isn't a continuous Nag! I almost choked on my cofee! So he basically wants him drugged up, and quiet. Get real, I told him! The Dr and Nurse took that comment in stride! I was mortified! Oh brother, what are we in for? He also told them that his dad is a Narcissist, hence the need for calming meds, Lol! Otherwise he is worried he will run us ragged.
We will see What tomorrow brings, but for now we are spent, and are headed for bed. Goodnight everyone!
Take care UpsetSisterand drive safe!!
Godspeed to each and every one in your struggles this week.
To the unspoken needs, prayers for all!
😴
I have to go to the funeral home in a little bit to take care of things. My niece is going to meet us. She said she got all of his things together. We're not having a viewing. She says she has a nice picture of him from a month or so ago with his four grandchildren that she would like put on a easel before the service. She had it enlarged and framed. My aunt just pulled up in the yard with two of my cousins. I suspect my brother and I will have a long day of visitors. Everyone take care today.
Glad you made it safely there. Thoughts will be with you today and hope all goes well. It sure is a wake up call to hear stories like Rose's husband dying at 48! It goes to show how fragile life is and you just never know what will happen. Puts things in perspective.
I think we are programmed to get caught up in life's daily stuff and when things like this happen "especially out of the blue" it's a shocker.
Been to the funeral home and florist. My niece met me there and was very helpful. Since then a steady stream of visitors. But we've sat out on the porch and under shade trees. Food keeps coming. I've changed after funeral plans to picnic here. I have to do something with all of this food. I've got plenty of tables, lawn chairs, coolers, etc. lined up. I forgot how many details there are. I hadn't planned on pallbearers, was going to let funeral home care of that. But, I've had so many people call, I'm letting one of my cousins organize.
Sounds like things are going pretty smoothly. Big "Whoa" on family history of longevity! Makes one wonder about genetics and what things are passed along. My dad had depression and 3 out of 4 of us got it. Bad vision, 3 out of 4 again. My middle brother, seems to be the one who escaped these things somehow! He was also the only one born with dark brown hair! I asked Mom if she "fooled around with the milkman" or something 😉 because he is the black sheep when it comes to genetics! Mom say's he looks very much like her father. Genetics skipping a generation? Maybe!
That is why I am so paranoid about the dementia thing, once again, Mom's mother got it, she got it and one of her sisters now has it. Aunt Sis is the black sheep of the family. Still works as a Nurse in a SNF, she is in her 70's and sharp as a tack! Did have two bouts of breast cancer though. She never smoked either. It's a wait and see thing. My husbands parents are both diabetic, so is he.
Glad you are not having to deal with much of the coordinating of things, cousins are stepping up to help out! Hope your day goes well under the circumstances, the farmhouse sounds wonderful!
Gotta go wrap Mom's leg and it's hairdresser and food shopping day for her. *Hugs* Check in with you later!
I have a young relative at this crossroad right now, with a 65 yo mom who refused rehab, home care etc. by telling the doctor that her daughters will take care of things. My fervent hope is that these daughters will see how their mother is handling this temporary illness, and approach it as the beginning of a "rest of your life" situation that needs to have the proper tone set right now.
It's great that so many have come to offer food, and the picnic sounds like a perfect idea after the graveside service! Your family sounds like my own, it's all about the food comfort, when there's been a tragedy or death in the family. You be sure to take it easy and little too!
He's just arrived having been delivered from the hospital via Cabulance, so gotta go, pray for Strength, Mine, Lol! Bye guys! ❤
Stacey, prayers and hugs for you.
Upset, you are quite the organizer. I am glad you are surrounded by supportive family.
Golden, hoping all is well as you have been quiet.
glad, I hope you have more opportunities to put your feet up and take deep breathes.
Wishing all a relaxed day.
So right! Hindsight is 20/20. Husband and I were just lamenting about being trapped and watching our lives slip away while caring for Mom as she lives the life of Riley! She is not vicious like Upset's mom was, she is however very passive aggressive and I grew up with the Irish Catholic guilt! I have said many times "If only I had a crystal ball or a psychic to have told me what I was in for, I would not have gotten myself into this." She does want me to entertain her but I am way too busy with other chores and gardening to do so, nor do I want to. I have offered to take her to the Senior Center to socialize and do stuff to keep from boredom but she refuses. I feel zero guilt about that. She has chosen to isolate herself. I think I have sacrificed enough thank you very much!!!!
Stacey, How are things going?
Golden, hope everything is going alright for you.
Ali, hope all is still progressing with you!
Hello Sharyn, East, Guest, Glad and everyone else, hope all is well. Today is Mom's beauty and shopping day so I will check in later.
How wonderful! Nice to hear someones family can turn around! Glad to hear things working out so nicely for a change and hope it continues. Me, I would never hold my breath for my family. Too much damage to be reversed I'm afraid, so I am very happy to hear it has happened for you 👍
I'm beat, but do have to say that my FIL is cheerful, appreciative and happy he is home with us. He drifts off alot, having vivid dreams, so when he comes to, he talks about them, so funny! He thought he was on a cruise ship, "and the food is Great"! Lol! I did get my dinner in, so that's good!
There is so much Hospice stuff to read up on, and a lot of recording of all his meds, intake and output. Too much, so I'll tackle that more tomorrow. Today was for settling in, and getting our bearings. They delivered the EMERGENCY PACK of medication, and more coming tomorrow along with all the paper supplies. So much it's mind boggling!
I'll be a pro at making smoothies yet, but I'm finding that he only eats about 2 ounces at one sitting. He has no appetite, which is to be expected from here on out.
Thankfully, the nurse put in a catheter in, so that takes lot of work off of our daily routine, and he doesn't seem to mind it.
One interesting thing though, is that he still thinks he will be getting better and stronger, but I'm not about to pop his bubble. I'll be encouraging, plus I am encouraging him to feed himself, and hold his own water glass, as I guess the Nurses in hospital were having to do this for him. So far so good, he's getting the hang of it, so there may be some life yet in the old coot! LOL!
Ok, back to the sick Bay! Thank you all for the well wishes! And take care Everyone! We never really know what is around the next turn! Obviously!!! I'm staying as positive and calm as I can, trying not to complain, as hubby is stressed out today. There is a big learning curve, so getting hang of things! 😷🤒🤕
It's so exasperating (?)
Now he's telling her he will be coming home in a few weeks. . . (probably not) and I'll have to pick up the pieces when he doesn't.
He made her pay for her own funeral and then make him the beneficiary of all her life insurances policys. I mean wth? The man doesn't think about anyone but himself, she wanted a walk-in shower and he told her it wasn't possible. Regardless she is getting an estimate next week (go Mom!) I'm started going up 2 to 3 times a week again and making sure all the bills get paid and she makes all her Dr's appts. I guess I'll keep doing whatever she wants me to do and just try to make the best of it.
Sounds like everything is going alright under the circumstances and your organizational skills are amazing! I am amused about the "tons of food" but what a great and thoughtful thing you did with everyones containers! Leave it to the guys to know the cheerleaders and the sports illustrated bikini issues, 😉. I remember being able to wear those way back in the days of youth when I was skinny as a rail. *Sighs* Wishing you the best tomorrow, sleep well tonight.
Stacey,
I gotta hand it to ya, you are a living saint!
Blackhole, hope all is well with you.
Sojac60,
Wow, sounds like a huge mess to me. Selfish brothers, I know all about it. That is pretty nervy making himself the beneficiary on all her policies, how did he manage to swing that?
I'm so sorry to hear of your brother's passing.
I've been reading that you've been on your way to WV, so hope you have arrived safely.
Do take care of yourself during the next few days, as you tend to the funeral and dealing with family.
Does sound as if you do have some good support with old friends.
I'll be thinking about you.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Really sorry to hear about the turn your FIL's health has taken.
Well it appears you and your husband have made your decision to have him come home.
I was trying to catch up on what has been going on here, and am aware that this obviously hasn't been an easy decision for the two of you, given the fact he'd recently been placed in the NH, or was it an AL?
In any case, I'm thinking about you as you embark on this part of his care.
Take care,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux