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Upset,
Glad to here you have your diabetes under control! Diet is everything. Happy to hear things sound like they will be "drama free" during this time. The farmhouse sounds wonderful! I could just imagine it, I love peace and quiet and being surrounded by nature, sounds like a good spot for you right now.
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Still rolling south and now west. Just crossed into Maryland. Five more hours. Headed into the mountains. Hope we don't run into fog. Our next stop will be at the WV Welcome Center for a bathroom break and somewhere before we have to get off the interstate. Jay says he doesn't remember the back roads. The last ten miles are a dirt road, hilly and winding. I've lived away from West Virginia for years, but I always get anxious to get home. I love the hills, creeks and hollows. Other than for our parents funerals Jay never goes back. I always did to see my dad's brother and the farm. I'm also anxious to see my old friends and my aunt's and some cousins.
(5)
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Hi all, it's been a long and busy day to be sure! Hubby and I met with the Hospice Nurse and the Cancer Dr in my FIL'S hospital room at noon.

Everything was explained regarding the hospital type equipment being brought to our home tomorrow morning, the hospital bed, camode, oxygen, over the bed table, bath chair, and raised toilet seat. All the paper goods, med's and such.

The Dr was great at explaining FIL'S prognosis, and said his left lung mass has spread into his rib in the back, and that this is a fast growing type Cancer that often spreads to the brain and it will most likely be an infection of some kind, that will take his life, hmmm!

FIL says get has no real pain, so that's great for now! I tried feeding lunch to FIL, but he could only manage 5 bites, but he listened intently, and said he understood and agreed with everything presented, and seems relieved he is coming home.

My sister Cheryl stopped by, insistent on helping us get ready. My husband is the type of guy who is uncomfortable receiving help from others, but she and I went to the AL place, put in my FIL'S notice, and picked up many things he will need at our house, and the rest of his things will be moved out over the course of the next month. It was sad, as the Administrator was getting attached to him, saying he was one of her favorites! She's a real Sweetie, and even visited him in hospital!

Next we went and bought those XL twin sheets for his hospital bed, and a new fan as we are in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures up to 100 degrees this week!

Then off to grocery store to get lots of yummy foods he will hopefully enjoy, and things to make him nutritional smoothies. The nurse said he can eat Anything he wants, Lol! Wish my dream would tell Me that!

Tonight I am doing all his laundry, not much, but want everything clean and ready.
Hubby had the bedroom completely emptied and all clean, in ready for tomorrow's invasion! It will be a crazy couple of days, and then I feel we will get into a groove of caring for an invalid, as he is unable to even stand on his own now.

I can't remember if I mentioned that my FIL was flirting with one particular Nurse, and said some crazy things at the hospital. She told me he proposed marriage, and another time wanted to call his Dad on the phone, and also said he needed to stop the wedding! Not sure whose wedding, but I'm thinking it was the Sepsis talking. He does think he is some kind of Stud though, and always has, Lol!

Hubby outright said he wants meds to calm him down, so he isn't a continuous Nag! I almost choked on my cofee! So he basically wants him drugged up, and quiet. Get real, I told him! The Dr and Nurse took that comment in stride! I was mortified! Oh brother, what are we in for? He also told them that his dad is a Narcissist, hence the need for calming meds, Lol! Otherwise he is worried he will run us ragged.

We will see What tomorrow brings, but for now we are spent, and are headed for bed. Goodnight everyone!

Take care UpsetSisterand drive safe!!
(4)
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Goodnight Stacey!

Godspeed to each and every one in your struggles this week.

To the unspoken needs, prayers for all!
(4)
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Goodnight everyone, it's been quite a day for many. I wish you all a good sleep and hope tomorrow is better!
😴
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Made it to WV. I slept a little, but got anxious to see how things look. I made coffee and oatmeal. Opened refrigerator and couldn't believe the food. Kitchen table loaded down with baked goods. West Virginia people believe in eating and that grief increases the appetite and love equals food. It's no wonder WV has some of the heaviest most unhealthy people in the US. But they're also the nicest. My cousin Rose came up to see if we needed anything before she went to work. The funeral will be hard on her. Her husband, my first cousin died from a stroke last year at 48 and is buried right there, along with his parents. My younger brother is now the only male cousin of our generation living on my dad's side.

I have to go to the funeral home in a little bit to take care of things. My niece is going to meet us. She said she got all of his things together. We're not having a viewing. She says she has a nice picture of him from a month or so ago with his four grandchildren that she would like put on a easel before the service. She had it enlarged and framed. My aunt just pulled up in the yard with two of my cousins. I suspect my brother and I will have a long day of visitors. Everyone take care today.
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Upset,
Glad you made it safely there. Thoughts will be with you today and hope all goes well. It sure is a wake up call to hear stories like Rose's husband dying at 48! It goes to show how fragile life is and you just never know what will happen. Puts things in perspective.
I think we are programmed to get caught up in life's daily stuff and when things like this happen "especially out of the blue" it's a shocker.
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Rainey, On my Dad's side of the family there were 9 grandchildren. Five boys, 4 girls. I'm the oldest and my brother the youngest. Four of the boys died of stroke or brain aneurysm. My brother who was 64 was the oldest of those deceased. The three others were 48, 38, and 36. My youngest brother fortunately lives a very healthy lifestyle. Maybe he'll break the record for longevity. My uncle holds the record at 80.

Been to the funeral home and florist. My niece met me there and was very helpful. Since then a steady stream of visitors. But we've sat out on the porch and under shade trees. Food keeps coming. I've changed after funeral plans to picnic here. I have to do something with all of this food. I've got plenty of tables, lawn chairs, coolers, etc. lined up. I forgot how many details there are. I hadn't planned on pallbearers, was going to let funeral home care of that. But, I've had so many people call, I'm letting one of my cousins organize.
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Upset,
Sounds like things are going pretty smoothly. Big "Whoa" on family history of longevity! Makes one wonder about genetics and what things are passed along. My dad had depression and 3 out of 4 of us got it. Bad vision, 3 out of 4 again. My middle brother, seems to be the one who escaped these things somehow! He was also the only one born with dark brown hair! I asked Mom if she "fooled around with the milkman" or something 😉 because he is the black sheep when it comes to genetics! Mom say's he looks very much like her father. Genetics skipping a generation? Maybe!
That is why I am so paranoid about the dementia thing, once again, Mom's mother got it, she got it and one of her sisters now has it. Aunt Sis is the black sheep of the family. Still works as a Nurse in a SNF, she is in her 70's and sharp as a tack! Did have two bouts of breast cancer though. She never smoked either. It's a wait and see thing. My husbands parents are both diabetic, so is he.
Glad you are not having to deal with much of the coordinating of things, cousins are stepping up to help out! Hope your day goes well under the circumstances, the farmhouse sounds wonderful!
Gotta go wrap Mom's leg and it's hairdresser and food shopping day for her. *Hugs* Check in with you later!
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Hindsight being 20/20, if I could tell the children of narc parents (especially the daughters of narc mothers) something while they're in their 20's and 30's......it would be that as soon as life become a little more challenging for the parent, they will expect their family to take care of things. This means that when the parents is in their 60's and the effects of aging are more pronounced, the kids need to be ready to put up the boundaries and hold fast. Because once they get pulled in bit by bit, they'll have all responsibility (even if the parent is able but unwilling to do for herself) for the next 30 years. The parent will abdicate all responsibility for the dirty work, but will retain the say in what's done. Like being a teenager.

I have a young relative at this crossroad right now, with a 65 yo mom who refused rehab, home care etc. by telling the doctor that her daughters will take care of things. My fervent hope is that these daughters will see how their mother is handling this temporary illness, and approach it as the beginning of a "rest of your life" situation that needs to have the proper tone set right now.
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UpsetSister, I tell ya, you really are a mover and a shaker! I would love to have some of your organization skills rub off on me, but I have always done my best work, when faced with a deadline!

It's great that so many have come to offer food, and the picnic sounds like a perfect idea after the graveside service! Your family sounds like my own, it's all about the food comfort, when there's been a tragedy or death in the family. You be sure to take it easy and little too!
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Linda, what you posted, has been my sister all her adult life, lol!! If not family, she would have friends do it with sis playing hostess providing food and liquor. Of course most of the food was brought by others, ha ha.
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Linda22, what you wrote exactly on target. I got sucked in inch by inch by a narc Mom. At the group sessions I work with over and over "I didn't think it meant and give up my whole life" or "I got sucked in and I can't get out". I think your advice is spot on.
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Upset, that's what happened in my family. As long as our dad was healthy and could drive them about, all was well. But as soon as Dad was diagnosed with AD and couldn't drive, our mom handed it all over to my sister that very day. Everything Dad did (home, car, yard, paperwork) was handed off, as well as things like laundry and cleaning. And all the running around, as errands were a prime source of entertainment. We ended up doing a lot by default - she simply didn't do it, whether it was making doctor's appointments for Dad or getting someone to mow the lawn. It's been nearly 30 years of us doing all the doing and her calling the shots. Our pivotal point was after Dad was transferred to NH - we should have verbalized that moving in with us was not an option. We were in our 30's - never thought we'd were signing on to run this circus for life.   My chief regret in all this?  That I allowed her to use FOG and didn't do some things with my husband and family because "didn't want to make Ma feel bad that she couldn't go".  Now, it's too late to do some of these things, but we've given Ma a great quality of life.  Yes, sorry for the bitterness vented.
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Linda22, Bitterness, regret sadness I've been thru all of them and so have most the others on this thread. Vent away!
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Too right Linda, and is exactly what we have experienced in the last 30 years with my husband's parents, and especially his Dad!

He's just arrived having been delivered from the hospital via Cabulance, so gotta go, pray for Strength, Mine, Lol!  Bye guys! ❤
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Linda, it is warranted, really it is. My sis wore out her welcome with me and with our mom gone, she is on her own. She of course has a neighbor man who willing volunteered to do her backyard maintenance. She pays him what she can. She no family to help her out anymore.

Stacey, prayers and hugs for you.

Upset, you are quite the organizer. I am glad you are surrounded by supportive family.

Golden, hoping all is well as you have been quiet.

glad, I hope you have more opportunities to put your feet up and take deep breathes.

Wishing all a relaxed day.
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Organize is a stress reducer. Also keeps me from feeling hostile about a bad situation.
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Linda,
So right! Hindsight is 20/20. Husband and I were just lamenting about being trapped and watching our lives slip away while caring for Mom as she lives the life of Riley! She is not vicious like Upset's mom was, she is however very passive aggressive and I grew up with the Irish Catholic guilt! I have said many times "If only I had a crystal ball or a psychic to have told me what I was in for, I would not have gotten myself into this." She does want me to entertain her but I am way too busy with other chores and gardening to do so, nor do I want to. I have offered to take her to the Senior Center to socialize and do stuff to keep from boredom but she refuses. I feel zero guilt about that. She has chosen to isolate herself. I think I have sacrificed enough thank you very much!!!!
Stacey, How are things going?
Golden, hope everything is going alright for you.
Ali, hope all is still progressing with you!
Hello Sharyn, East, Guest, Glad and everyone else, hope all is well. Today is Mom's beauty and shopping day so I will check in later.
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I am so glad I got the iris rhizomes planted early this morning. A lightening strike in Idaho falls lava flow blm is causing bad air quality.
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A Dysfunctional Family change for the better. My brother and SIL visiting in our home town showed a real change of heart. They were formerly aligned with a rouge facility (Mother lived there approx 14 years) and a cousin. Mother suffered abuse and from negligence and suffered many injuries when she was forced out of Independent Living and into Personal Care, a real hellhole. I was drug thru the mud and my hours were limited and i wasn't allowed to talk to anyone there when my son intervened and got us moved out.  Mother and I are now in a lovely Senior Facility in a loving community being treated with courtesy and respect. On Bro and SIL's 1 st visit they were so nice, not like I have known from them since 1962. SIL said I was doing a nice job taking care of Mother. We went out for dinner together and had a good time. Mother walked into the restaurant with me just holding her hand. She is starting to walk again. We had her wheel chair with us, that was her choice. Bro and SIL told me that they spoke to cousin. He told them a story made up by the rogue facility to put me in a bad light. That is how it should be in the family. Brothers and sisters should go to each other not take the word of troublemakers. Thanks to AgingCare I made the right moves. I told my cousin he should have come to me and Mother because we are family instead of interfering behind our backs. It made no impression on him as he is still bringing up old moves by the facility to shut me out of Mother's life to get Bro and SIL shifted back to side with him. I left the door open for cousin to open up his eyes but he is still going around my Mother's best interests. Goodbye to him. Mother and I are grateful for my Bro and SIL's change of heart. Praise God. They are going to visit us again before they leave for home this weekend.  We are looking forward to their visit.  Praises to God that good can conquer evil. Amen
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Daughterlu,
How wonderful! Nice to hear someones family can turn around! Glad to hear things working out so nicely for a change and hope it continues. Me, I would never hold my breath for my family. Too much damage to be reversed I'm afraid, so I am very happy to hear it has happened for you 👍
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It has been a long day. Did all the necessary stuff to get ready for tomorrow. More and more food. I bought a ton of disposable bowls and pans. Transferred food to those. Washed everyone's containers and put in bags with their names, so they can carry home after picnic. I know I've forgotten something. We have had so much company today. I went into town and left my brother by himself. When I got back there were 14 cars on the drive and in the yard. I could tell by the look on his face he had no clue who the people were or what to say. After they left he said the only one he recognized was a 3rd cousin who was an NFL cheerleader for 5 yrs. He said he had seen her picture in a Sports Illustrated issue that had string bikini photos of different cheerleaders. Other than that he was clueless. Hope everyone is doing okay. Hang in there Stacey - you're doing what's best for FIL.
(5)
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Stacey and Upset -- thinking of you. So much upheaval. Wishing you peace whenever and wherever you can find it.
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Hi all, I'm just catching a moments breather, while hubby is in there with him, closing off the open space above the window box air conditioner he put in FIL'S room.

I'm beat, but do have to say that my FIL is cheerful, appreciative and happy he is home with us.  He drifts off alot, having vivid dreams, so when he comes to, he talks about them, so funny! He thought he was on a cruise ship,  "and the food is Great"! Lol!  I did get my dinner in, so that's good! 

There is so much Hospice stuff to read up on, and a lot of recording of all his meds, intake and output. Too much, so I'll tackle that more tomorrow. Today was for settling in, and getting our bearings. They delivered the EMERGENCY PACK of medication, and more coming tomorrow along with all the paper supplies. So much it's mind boggling!

I'll be a pro at making smoothies yet, but I'm finding that he only eats about 2 ounces at one sitting. He has no appetite, which is to be expected from here on out.

Thankfully, the nurse put in a catheter in, so that takes lot of work off of our daily routine, and he doesn't seem to mind it.

One interesting thing though, is that he still thinks he will be getting better and stronger, but I'm not about to pop his bubble. I'll be encouraging, plus I am encouraging him to feed himself, and hold his own water glass, as I guess the Nurses in hospital were having to do this for him. So far so good, he's getting the hang of it, so there may be some life yet in the old coot! LOL!

Ok, back to the sick Bay! Thank you all for the well wishes! And take care Everyone! We never really know what is around the next turn! Obviously!!! I'm staying as positive and calm as I can, trying not to complain,  as hubby is stressed out today. There is a big learning curve,  so getting hang of things! 😷🤒🤕
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Well, it's been awhile since I last posted. So here goes. . . My brother is back in jail, after insuring that my Mother has put everything in his name. He put her as a signer on the family business account, so now I don't know what to do. She called the bank to make sure there was enough $ in the account to pay bills and they wouldn't tell her the balance. We had to wait to get the bank statement to find out.
It's so exasperating (?)
Now he's telling her he will be coming home in a few weeks. . . (probably not) and I'll have to pick up the pieces when he doesn't.
He made her pay for her own funeral and then make him the beneficiary of all her life insurances policys. I mean wth? The man doesn't think about anyone but himself, she wanted a walk-in shower and he told her it wasn't possible. Regardless she is getting an estimate next week (go Mom!) I'm started going up 2 to 3 times a week again and making sure all the bills get paid and she makes all her Dr's appts. I guess I'll keep doing whatever she wants me to do and just try to make the best of it.
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Upset,
Sounds like everything is going alright under the circumstances and your organizational skills are amazing! I am amused about the "tons of food" but what a great and thoughtful thing you did with everyones containers! Leave it to the guys to know the cheerleaders and the sports illustrated bikini issues, 😉. I remember being able to wear those way back in the days of youth when I was skinny as a rail. *Sighs* Wishing you the best tomorrow, sleep well tonight.

Stacey,
I gotta hand it to ya, you are a living saint!

Blackhole, hope all is well with you.

Sojac60,
Wow, sounds like a huge mess to me. Selfish brothers, I know all about it. That is pretty nervy making himself the beneficiary on all her policies, how did he manage to swing that?
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Upset,

I'm so sorry to hear of your brother's passing.
I've been reading that you've been on your way to WV, so hope you have arrived safely.
Do take care of yourself during the next few days, as you tend to the funeral and dealing with family.
Does sound as if you do have some good support with old friends.

I'll be thinking about you.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Stacey,

Really sorry to hear about the turn your FIL's health has taken.
Well it appears you and your husband have made your decision to have him come home.
I was trying to catch up on what has been going on here, and am aware that this obviously hasn't been an easy decision for the two of you, given the fact he'd recently been placed in the NH, or was it an AL?
In any case, I'm thinking about you as you embark on this part of his care.

Take care,

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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I just woke up with an odd question in my head. I wonder what percentage of children that grew up in a dysfunctional family (like me) decided against having children because they did not want to risk anymore dysfunction? Also, how many of those that decided against having kids, were then expected to be the parents caregiver because they did not have the extra obligation? Just curious.
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