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Oh Upset! That da*m niece. Such a violation.
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Upset,
My chin is on the floor reading your last post!!!!! People are just amazing, low belly crawling vermin to even attempt such attrocities especially under the current circumstances! Taking advantage after a funeral and all you did to make it pleasant as possible. *Shakes head* That behaviour is absolutely so foreign to my entire make up as a human being, I can't understand the whole thought process.
Happy you sold the farm, one less thing on your plate and glad it went to the neighbor.
Battery running low so gotta re-charge and get back to you. Wow, I will just be reeling from your last post for a while. 😣
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Stacey, helll no, you & hubs are not responsible for financing Bad Brother's final visit. But you already knew that!

What a dreadful jerk. If BB wants to come say his goodbyes, he needs to put the trip on his (or wife's) credit card and figure it out later. Or get an open line of credit from the bank. Or a HELOC. Or sell some valuables!

Gawwd I cannot stand trolls like him.

Hang in there, Stacey. You are a rock for your husband. And your convo w/FIL about hospice handbook was sweet. Hilarious that he offered you some of his dope!

Whatever it takes for the humanity to surface, eh? In better times, FIL was primarily a pain in your rear end. Nice that you two are connecting a little now. 

Enjoy your beautiful weather -- and try to get some sleep!
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Grifters, i think they're called. Very sad, Upset. Glad you took the gloves off. Keep an eye on the mental health of the little ones, if you can. Bad genetic loading.
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Upsetsister,
You were brave to expose your neice, many people would still be wondering and would not have spoken up. Your brother's support was amazing!
Everyone with dys family members need to take notice, ask around before they get to
your home. These people will have a history.
It still hurts to see them do this, to be forced to let family go for your own protection.

Some people would have had her arrested.

So sorry this is something you will have to remember, while still letting go.
Since you do not know all that she has done, please call the 3 credit reporting agencies and file a 90 day credit freeze, and check for charges on your credit cards, as well as family, brother, and your deceased loved one's credit profile. imo.
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Barb, I've wondered about the genetics thing. My dad's family didn't have anyone like that. Just hard working farm people. My mom and her two brothers were always demanding. One of her brothers was married 7 times. The other one lived off his wife's hard work. And then I have several cousins on my Mom's side who have no responsibility. My SIL's family has a big assortment of not so honest people. I think the little girls are in a really good environment. I hope genetics don't come into play with them. They're both so cute. The 4-yr old is very bright. Goes to preschool. The younger stays at home with her grandmother who quit her teaching position to take care of the girls. Her grandfather is an attorney.

Send I've kept a freeze on my credit since the first time they ripped me off. Tried with Mom's, but she would authorize charges on her card for them. and even my deceased father. My bank sends me a text with every transaction so I can make sure they are mine. 
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Stacey, Funny about your FIL offering you "pharmaceutical" assistance. You're doing a great job. Let your BIL finance his own trip to visit. Although I shouldn't be giving anyone advice on relatives who con people.
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Upsetsister,
We don't usually talk because I don't know you very well. I just want to interject here that now you know (once burned), that qualifies you to advise others on so many levels.
1) Some would never suspect a family member with the same behaviors as niece.
2) You not only found out, you took action, which is an honorable thing to do for someone who has been conned.
3) You were generous to share what can happen to the innocent caregivers, to be aware.
Experience is a good teacher. imo.

Oops, now I see that you wrote it was twice burned.  So sorry.  Join the club, now you are a card-carrying, card-checking member.  Welcome!  It's not you, it's your family's behaviors.

.
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Barb,
My former M.D. psychiatrist put me through a training course to protect myself.
One of the assignments was to watch these movies:
"Grifters" and " Gaslight".

You are correct, they are called "grifters".
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I've seen both movies. I guess I watched them as entertainment not education.

My younger brother got back. He was so apologetic. He said he believed me before about what they had done, but he said watching it happen and hearing about it later were two different things.

I have an old, really good friend who lives about 4 blocks from where my niece's grandparents live. I called her and told her the short version of what happened and that she should keep the whole crowd out of her life. She met them at the funeral. I would hate for my niece to do anything to someone, but I think she would try it again if she could.

Today has truly shaken me. I would never do the things they've done. So dishonest and disappointing. Her father-in-law called me. He wanted to know if I would write a statement about what she had done and have it notarized and for my brother to do the same. He said he wanted them in case she went to court to get more frequent visitation. I told him we would get them to him this week.
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upset -that is too bad. The whole thing was a set upright from the start with niece playing the victim. Good for you for spotting and calling what was happening. Jay got an eye opener. He would never have seen that car again. Some addicts do get clean, but obviously, she is not one of them yet anyway. Just saw your post. I am sure you are shaken - it was a horrible experience. (((((hugs))))) Glad that her fil is following up.  Those little ones need to be protected. I am so glad that the kids have great (as in very good) grandparents who are caring for them.

I am convinced that BPD is inherited in my mother's side of the family. She had several cousins with the characteristics, while her sibs and my grandparents were the nicest people. My sis has it too and dd shows as well, but has done a great job getting herself on a good track.

On another topic - weight lifting I saw a video where a 79 year old woman dead lifted 225 pounds and it didn't even seem like an effort to her. She has only been weight lifting a few years and looked like the average grandma you would see in a grocery store - well rounded with short white hair. The next grandma to do it won't be me!

Raining today. If this keeps up, we won't have to worry about watering the tomatoes.
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If it raining, Golden, what about camping? Inside, comfy bed, shower sounds better to me. The ground has gotten awfully hard in the past number of years.😁
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Not thinking of camping, Glad. Want a hotel with a hot tub!

The idea was fishing, then go back to the hotel and soak in the tub! 😊
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Sorry about my happy message a few pages back about bad bro and SIL's big change. They might not have had as big a change of heart that I was so happy about. On our 2nd visit with them at a restaurant on their way to the airport, Mother asked bro if she ran out of money would he help her (it seems he took a good amount of her estate out in his name in 2008 so that if she ran out of money it would be safe from the 5 year look back period but under his false belief that the private pay facilities do not move a resident out to a medicaid facility if they run out of money - I told him then Father would roll over in his grave - don't do it and that if she doesn't have the money - the facilities are now placing residents in Medicaid facilities if they have nowhere to go. Bro does not need money). In 2016 at rouge facility, I asked Cousin what did he do (by joining the facility in their plan to remove me with his consent) - Mother was negligently injured and we went through a fortune in 6 months in Personal Care with round the clock Caregiving for Mother during her most critical periods when they wouldn't let me stay with her 24 x 7 anymore), he yelled at me that, we should have round the clock Nursing aid instead of me staying with Mother. I asked him if he wanted to pay for it, he snapped out screaming into the phone, he couldn't stop screaming that I should pay for it . I don't have that kind of money. I would like to move Mother to our home if Mother runs out of money but my cousin would probably fight that just for his ego. Bro and SIL spent an evening with cousin while visiting. Cousin is a worry but SIL said again that I am doing a good job and asked me about my accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior. There is hope that Bro and SIL could be more support . There is a lot we could do manage Mother's money better. I am in the same position with Mother's stockbroker that I was with the rouge facility. My brother has made money with them but her account just sits there. We are equal but I am shut out of any input. Bro does nothing for Mom's account. She has a management fund that the brokerage house makes a high commission on. Mother wants to change stockbrokers. I am afraid what Bro will do. Bad bro and SIL used the same prejudicial lies about me like they did to the rogue facility. It is not a coincident. SIL was leaving messages on Mother's phone last year to "Get that F- ing daughter of yours out of there. It helps to write this out. Hopeful but cautious is the best approach.
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DaughterLu, I'm sorry you're having such problems with your brother and sister-In-law. I don't know your location, but many facilities that are private pay to start with and when money starts to run out help you to apply for Medicaid and it's not a change of facility but rather a billing change. There may be a change in amenities such as beauty shop etc. One is allowed to retain $40-$60 a month of Social Security or pension for personal needs after savings/or investment money is gone. My aunt and I were the POA for my great aunt. She was ever married and did not have many resources. We sold her house and spent her resources for private pay. A couple of months before we knew her money would run out we applied for Medicaid. She was approved. We got $40 per month for personal expenses. We used that to buy her medications. We picked up and did her laundry every week so she wasn't charged for that . Several of other nieces and great nieces each kicked in $10-20 a month to pay to have her hair done weekly and to buy her little treats and pay for new nightgowns, underwear, etc. At times if she had a specific medical issue we paid for prescriptions too.  At her facility no one knew which patients were private pay or Medicaid. There were no differences in rooms or treatment at the time she passed, she had a small insurance policy that paid for her funeral with some left over. Her will left any money left over to her nieces and nephews. We each "inherited" $37.00. We all went out to dinner together. Your brother should not be making thing so difficult for you and your mother.
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I'm still up packing stuff. My brother stopped at Target and got me some bubble wrap. I have an antique dealer  coming tomorrow. Buyers don't want wood cook stove, plus there are some other things that I don't want or need. I'm anxious to get home and close this chapter. We're going to try to move up moving to Tuesday.

I called the county sheriff and told him we had had a problem. He said he would have a car sit overnight at the underpass to make sure no one strange came up the road overnight. I don't trust any of them.
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Upset, I'm sorry about your niece - it's funny how folks discount how bad "users" can be until it happens to them in front of their eyes. My best friend couldn't believe that I was not willing to have an ex of hers in my home when he borrowed money from me and never paid it back, in fact told multiple people we both knew that he had paid it back and I owed HIM money!! Later, when he ripped her off for rental of a vehicle that was not returned on time or the right place (she almost ended up facing auto theft of rental vehicle on car she rented for him to drive...not understanding it was to visit another girl...) She ranted about him and was upset that I wasn't more angry on her behalf. Remember the parable about the frog and the scorpion? Scorpion stung and killed frog after getting ride across river "it's my nature". Grifters, scammers, users, gaslighters - it's their nature. She saw what happened to me and couldn't believe he'd do it to HER. I am glad that you kept the library donation and family stuff out of her hands. Sad about the kiddos, but they have good custodians now with grandparents, sounds like. Take care.

***Today would have been my mom's 81st birthday***
Miss you mom.
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Guest,
Very wise words, "fool me once".......after that, it's on you or anyone else who does not listen to the warnings. Had to warn my Aunt my badbro is on his way to visit them, he already extorted cab fare out of the gullible aunt from airport. I warned them, that is all I can do.
Sorry about missing your Mom, I know it's painful, especially if she was a good one!
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daughterlu, I am sorry that things are not better for you. What bro and sil have been doing is inexcusable. Somehow I am not hopeful that they will change much. I gather you and bro are POA. What role does cousin have? Venting does help!

upset -thought about you last night and hoped that you had a quiet night. I do understand that you want to get out of there ASAP. Hope things go smoothly today and you get away as planned. You will feel more secure at home.

guest -  sorry about the pain of missing mum.  That was some experience and you are right that generally people have to go through it themselves to get it. I like and use the frog and scorpion story. This is the way I read it in Aesop's fables.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Scorpion and the Frog

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,
but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"

Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Self destruction - "Its my Nature", said the Scorpion, the grifter, the scammer...

rainey - yes, first time shame on you, second time... Hope your aunts don't get scammed for any more. You have done what you can.
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This morning has been a little eventful. My neighbor down the road saw a strange car come thru the underpass. She called the sheriff and they sent a car. When they got up to the house my SIL, niece and nephew were at the house. They were checking doors and my nephew was in an an old equipment building going thru things. The deputy gave them a trespassing citation and told them to stay out off the property and away from the area.

Went to the funeral home, library, insurance offices and bank. All finished. Went to the monument company and cemetery.  We gave them a letter signed by all the family that we did not want any of John's crowd buried there. We picked up the truck. Jay and a boy he hired are loading firewood. There are about 3 cords of good hardwood and I have a fireplace and wood stove in Maine. Antique dealer has been here and bought all of the antiques that were here and that I didn't want.  My brother is going to drive the truck. Rose and I are going to drive John's car and Younger bro's car. So things are moving along. My brother dropped car title off and is getting a new title in both our names. He can pick it up later this afternoon. I think we'll leave ear morning. We made hotel reservation on the PA/NY line. We're not going to push it driving.
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Upset,
Wow! Good instincts on getting a sheriff to guard! My God, they are HORRIBLE!!!!!!!! Glad they were caught red handed, I would have Farm under surveillance until the last day you pull out of that driveway, then I would tell the new owner/neighbor to watch out too. Wouldn't be surprised at this point if they tried to destroy property out of spite. Obviously being bright is not their strong suit, their actions are ruled by emotion and selfishness, not thinking, "Hey, we could get in a lot of trouble."
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Oh my goodness, upset.They just won't give up! Great that your neighbour sounded the alarm and they got a citation.

I am glad you have finished business and are all organized for the trip back - and are taking a break on the way. You have worked very hard the past days and must be getting tired, especially with the added stress. Take care of you!
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Oy vey iz mir!!
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OMG!!! I can't believe how horrible they are. upset, you are going to have a time of this for some time. You may look into legal action against them, if it continues.
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I am so miserable with eyes, dry nose I feel like a dried up prune. At least today is cooler it this smokey air is horrible!!
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sharyn -it is no fun. We have smoke from forest fires, even ones far away, most summers. There are days when you need to stay indoors. Hope it is over soon.
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Golden, Brother is not POA of anything right now, I am POA of Health Care and all her material possessions and everything outside her Trust fund should she become incompetent although she and I are both on her checking account, she is the primary holder. I am responsible for her everyday matters. The bulk of her money is in the Trust Fund with a broker. My brother seized authority over this because he has his money in the same brokerage house and he and SIL have gotten rich over defaming me to justify this position. Mother is Trustee of her brokerage account and Brother and I would jointly hold that title if she is declared incompetent by a court. She is almost 100 years old and does not reach the definition of incompetent. We were in the process of moving her account to another broker that my stepbrother uses when her old facility took over her Health Care, injured her and put her into a Personal Care Hellhole for the purpose of getting rid of me. There was no medical reason to do so until they injured her in a forced "Care program." My cousin has a lot of clout. He is a retired Pediatrition, very wealthy and extremely well spoken. He held these things over me: 1. Mother's changing her strict end-of-life DNR Directives to giving me full POA of Health Care, 2. a divorce from my 1st husband of my religion status by Birth, 3. for taking my Mother to Colorado for a visit to where I was living in 2012 (with her Doctors approval) and 4. for all the false stories made up about me by my 1st husband, his 2nd wife, brother and sister-in-law. They all got rich on defaming me. They were in collusion to scam me. My dysfunctional family didn't hardly talk to me for about 20 years. By the grace of God, I worked hard, went back to school had a profession, bought a house for myself and a son and we prospered. I got sick from overwork, retired, got healthy back in Colorado, paid back all my debt and have a commitment to Mother to stand by her. We are not beat. With God's help brother and SIL could find God. I can rise up from the ashes once again although this is not near the broken condition I recovered from earlier in life. I was showing Mother Near Death Experiences on You Tube yesterday, something that happened to me about 40 years ago. I wanted to stay in the light but was zapped back to my body, I told Mom it was because my work was not done on earth. She said yes, God wanted me to be here for her, that was why I was sent back to my body, to serve God. That's what I have been doing while I have been drug through the mud with friends I grew up with. Mother and I now live in a Christian community where we are respected and loved. It is a painful process but we are not beat.
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The truck is completely loaded. Bro picked up the car title and 30 day temp registration. We're going out to dinner and to our aunt's house to pick up thing's of Mom's that were left behind when she moved. We're going to leave early tomorrow morning. I will be so glad to get home. I don't think I want to travel anywhere after this trip. Rose and I are debating taking a little one day side trip through Vermont and across northern New Hampshire. The sheriff's department will be here at Dark in case the circus makes a reappearance.
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daughterlu -if you are POA medical and financial -you can deal with your mother's assets together with her as she is still competent. Bro or cousin should not be able to touch them. Sounds like you have done well for yourself. coincidentally, I had a near death experience about 40 years ago too.


upset - safe travels tomorrow, Have a good dinner out. The presence of the sheriff 's deptmt tonight should help you feel safer. Vermont in the fall (the only time I have seen it) is beautiful. I an sure home and seeing PJ again will be great. You must be missing him.
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Hi All, just a quick update about my Mother and Brother. So, my Brother had sent me the text message (never a phone call) last Monday, July 31st. He told me that he had to travel for his job, from August 7th to 11th, and he needed me to stay with our Mother at her house while he was away. Since July of 2005, I am the only one who has ever stayed at my Mother's house - to help her - when she had several eye surgeries or when she would have several crucial Eye Specialist appointments in Boston, etc. I would stay anywhere from a few days to almost 2 months at a time. However, I have not been feeling well myself, so I told my Brother that, sadly, I could not help out this time. As you all know, I still felt very guilty about it. I did not hear back from him, or from my Mother, for almost a week, so I had no idea what was going on. I finally got her on the phone on Thursday. She said she had a follow -up appointment with her PCP on Friday, but did not mention who was going to take her there. She really did not feel up to going, but she admitted that she would have to go, and she would call me with the results of her visit. I did not hear from her over the weekend. I called her today, and another person answered, it happened to be a CNA who sounded very nice on the phone. She said that my Brother had made the arrangements for her to care for my Mother this week, from 8:00am to 8:pm every day. She mentioned that my Mother was very "Independent" and very "with It" for someone her age. I was going to talk to my Mother but the Visiting Nurse had just arrived, and so far, my Mother has not called me back. So, because I had not heard back from anyone, I am not really sure if my Brother and Mother are mad at me or not. I do recall one incident in the past when my Mother would not talk to me: I had mentioned to my Mother that it would be very helpful for her to have a cleaning lady come in, since my Dad was so messy, and their house was getting really dirty. I even offered to pay for the cleaning service. My Mother got so mad at me that she did not call me for 2 Months. I am just wondering if this is typical behavior for dysfunctional Families. As I said before, I really don't understand the behavior of my Mother and Brother, at all. I guess you can say that I am "Totally Clueless" when it comes to the way they do things. On the positive side, they obviously made a big decision to hire a CNA from an Agency. ( I don't know which one. ) This is obviously a huge change for my Mother, and I am sure she is not happy about this, at all, but she just can't be alone right now. I am wondering if the lack of communication means that they are not happy with me right now. As I said before, my Mother is usually calling me every day, and loves to talk for hours. Of course I know that she is feeling pretty bad, and probably very mad and depressed about her situation, so that could be the reason too. I just don't know. Thank All.
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