The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

rainey The pork sounds great. I use a rub of garlic, rosemary and lemon pepper for a tenderloin. I often do pork chops with apples and raisins and bake them. I was thinking about the gun dream and it may be connected to something my father said during WW2. He fought in WW1. He said if the Germans got over the Canada, he would take his gun and shoot as many as he could saving enough bullets in the end to shoot us, then, with the last bullet, himself. And this was my nurturing parent! I thought it was a crazy idea, and decided then and there that if the Germans came I would would be out of there and take my chances with them. I don't recall being afraid, but very sure that I would not let that happen to me. I was about 5.

sharyn I know you are so ready to get your back yard done.-Bet the boys like grandma's cooking.

east - it would be good for you to find something to do that you enjoy rather than obsessing about your mother. Whether you feel guilty or enjoy yourself does not affect how your mother feels about her situation. It is better and healthier for you relax a bit and decrease your and your hub's stress. It is not helping your mother or anyone for you to feel this way. Have you thought about going for counselling to help you with this?

upset - thinking of you and your long drive and what you said about you and your bro learning to move beyond the crazies. One thing for sure is accepting that they are as they are and not likely to change. It is like the grieving process and I think there is some grieving in the accepting and letting go. Kubler Ross's stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I think I went through these with my sister and have finally accepted that she is what she is and that is what I have to deal with. I am doing that by going very little contact while mother is alive (only once a year for mother's birthday when sis comes here). When mother dies and the funeral etc are over, I will go totally no contact. I find that forgiveness is freeing. It releases the burden of pain that I carry.

upset - we cross posted. Glad you are making good time. Yes, care taking becomes very consuming. It is also imprtant to look after yourself as you can get lost in it. Your mil sounds like a walking nightmare. Mother complained about her heart for years and years, especially when things didn't go her way. She is 105 and it is still going strong.

Heading south soon for an appointment and hopefully the mountains. R will be up again tomorrow. I hope I get a little more energy to be able to enjoy it. Sinuses doing much better so I should perk up.

East,
Yes you are not alone in the "husband doesn't want to hear it anymore" dept. That is what we are here for! Vent away dear, leave hubby out of it. Men are rarely able to deal with the ongoing saga of dealing with our Mothers issues that we have to deal with. Many just aren't built like that. Only when I was caregiving did I meet a couple of sons that were amazing with their Mom's, they do exist, but not common. Usually it was because they were the only ones there, other sibs either living in different states or just want nothing to do with it. My very first client was one of them with an amazing son. He was sooo good to her, I was very impressed with him. He loved her and she was a very sweet woman. I was so sad when she passed but she was mostly bed ridden so she didn't have much of a life but we would talk and laugh for hours. Her daughter was the greedy selfish one.
Your Mom is also stubborn, I get that one too, that is frustrating when they ignore doing simple things to help with their conditions. Mom ignores my requests all the time. You must pick your battles and walk away from the ones you cannot get them to change.

Golden,
Your story about Dad and the Germans, Wow!!! You just don't have those conversations with children and scare the bejeezus out of em! Children do not understand why at Dad feels so strongly to say things like that, they just hear the awful part about fearing for their lives. I am sorry you were traumatized so badly on so many levels from such a young age. If only parents knew the damage they do to children. I am assuming this was Nazi Germany related.

Upset,
Sounds like you never got a break anywhere either! If not your own immediate family, it was husbands Mom, another Peach from the sound of it. My goodness, it sounds like every aspect of your life has been dealing with everyone elses manure! You are now in a position to tell everyone to "take it somewhere else!" I would if I were you. Get out the sign, closed for business to anymore dysfunctional family garbage. You are no longer the dumping ground, you have more than done your part and enough is enough!

I will be happy to share my pork recipe with you wonderful ladies, I have no doubt it will be enjoyed by all and the best part, it is not really difficult! 😉
We can enjoy good things too! I will share when I get some time to type it out for you all.
Been a long day, shutting brain off for now, sleep well everyone!
*Hugs*

Easteagle, if anyone in the future ever asks me to give a definitive example of enmeshment, I shall reach for what you said, here:

"If I think about doing something that I enjoy, I feel guilty about it, because I know that my Mother is feeling miserable. I shouldn't be saying that, because it is nothing compared to what my Mother is feeling and what she has to endure."

Look. You are not your mother. You have your own personality, your own identity, your own life and, above all, your own responsibilities. Your feeling miserable and denying yourself interests and pleasures does nothing at all to make your mother more comfortable or happier. So what on earth is the point? It just makes you miserable and contributes not one jot to your mother's wellbeing.

It must also be driving your poor husband to distraction.

Calling your mother is a very good thing (so she is speaking to you then? I'm very pleased to hear it!). It shows proper filial feeling, and human sympathy. Go on doing that. But try this as well: note in your diary what time you plan to ring your mother. Decide in advance for how long. Keep an eye on the clock, and bring the conversation to an end at approximately the time you meant to. Then make a note of anything you didn't resolve, and leave it there, by the phone, until the next call.

In the unlikely event of a crisis or emergency, your mother has paid professionals on hand who will a) deal with it and b) let your brother (first) and you (if you're on the list) know. So there is no chance that something terrible will happen that you could help with if only you'd been paying more attention. No chance. Not possible. Your mother does not need you to be hovering over her.

Over the last few months I have thought quite a lot about your family, and I've hesitated to say what I think because it's painful. But so is this level of enmeshment, and I don't think I can make it worse, so here goes.

You constantly worry that you are not doing enough to help your mother. But you miss the point. The point is that your mother has consistently, over years, rejected your help - remember that business about the new wardrobe? I'll certainly never forget it! She doesn't want you involved. She enjoys your attention and your calls give her some company, and that's fine as far as it goes. But try to let go of any sense of responsibility, simply because she has refused to let you have any, she has consciously denied you any part in it. This is a very decided form of rejection, which is the painful bit, and I'm sorry for it. But if you can only take her at her word, come to terms with her attitude, and give up the futile quest for her approval and gratitude, for inclusion in her life in the deepest sense, you could find that it relieves you of a good deal of stress.

Golden I can remember being alarmed at my grandmother's views about Germans, too. Here was a woman who prided herself on strict rationality suddenly going bonkers and making sweeping remarks about a whole nation based on the historical misdeeds of a minority. She wouldn't ride in a VW, for heaven's sake, and that was in the '70s.

But then for that generation, who'd been through the Great War, it wasn't just the appallingness of the Nazis, there was also the whole feeling of "oh for God's sake, again????!!!" Churchill said "they're either at your feet or at your throat." Margaret Thatcher opposed reunification as late as the late 1980s, which tends to get forgotten about in all the joyful anniversaries.

Having been born there and learned the language and loved the cakes, I just didn't recognise the emotions my elders were expressing. I understand it better now (still don't agree!) but I find it comforting to think that one hundred years before they would have felt exactly the same, only about the French.

We got an early start - 6:00. We are in southern Maine, gasing up for the last of the drive. I felt so relieved to cross the bridge from NH to Maine at Kittery. When my son was little when we crossed the bridge he "We're home! It smells like home!" Still 3 hrs to drive, but there's over 900 miles between us and the crazies. I talked to PJ. He said he had 6 of his grandson's lined up to help unload the truck this afternoon. I had been hoping for that. I have no idea where I'm going to put everything. But, it's all things I wanted to keep. My grandfather always farmed, but was also an excellent furniture and cabinet maker. There are some very pretty pieces - lots of solid black walnut. Ready to get started. A little cloudy. Hope the sun comes out.

Welcome home Upset.

Upset,
Glad your over the line! God bless PJ too! I know what you mean about the bridge but mine was the Golden Gate. When I did my travels to Europe or wherever, I always felt this sense of relief when I crossed over that bridge on my way home. It's the only "home" I have ever known. It's a comfort and I am so glad you will be home soon. 😊 What an ordeal and hopefully, the end of it.
Furniture sounds wonderful!!! Black walnut, gorgeous! It also has so much more meaning when you know who made the pieces, so glad you have them to love and take care of. I love furniture, I used to sell it long ago and loved the quality of the hand made amish pieces. I forget another company that would make these gorgeous solid cherry pieces and would not make them polished perfect, they left the imperfections and little knots and worm holes that gave it the beautiful character. Just a hand rubbed finish, heirloom quality stuff. Being a designer, I never tire of those things.
Get settled and breathe a big sigh of relief you are home!

I am officially home. Sitting on the back porch with PJ and watching 8 of his grandsons unload the truck. Bro is inside watching ESPN and telling them what room to put stuff in or in the garage. No one can imagine how happy I am to be home and away from dysfunction junction. Happy Happy!!!!!!!!

I have one item they're trying to figure out. I told them I'd speak up if anyone gets close in the guessing. PJ guessed a double coffin - NOT

Upset,
I CAN imagine how happy you are! Like 100 lbs has been lifted off your shoulders? OK, now you have my curiosity about the mystery piece of furniture!

Rainey, More like 200 lbs. The piece is solid oak, unfinished, not oiled or sealed, flour and meal chest. It's divided into two compartments. It holds 100 lbs of flour and 50 lbs of cornmeal. It has a built in bread board across the top that slides over from one compartment to the other. It's all  tongue and groove joints. The top can be propped open while your mixing dough or measuring out flour or cornmeal. The bread board is a solid slap of oak, hand planed. The top fits tightly when downso no bugs or moisture. It's waist high and about 5' long 2-1/2' wide. My grandfather built it for my grandmother as a wedding gift in 1918 when he came back from WWI. He also built her a beautiful Hoosier cabinet with a built in flour sifter and a pull-out work space. Both pieces will fit in my kitchen dining space I think.  The black walnut pieces include a dining room table, 10 chairs and buffet, plus bedroom pieces and miscellaneous pieces. Black walnut is widespread on the farm, along with oak and hickory, so my grandfather always had plenty of building material for his furniture and cabinet making. He worked with wood until he was in his 80's. I picked up 3 bushels of hickory nuts and black walnuts yesterday afternoon. I love both for baking.

EastEagle, I'm so sorry you have been made to feel anxious and guilty over your Mom's home health situation, but you've done Nothing wrong, you are a wonderful daughter, who makes hour available to her every day, speaking to her on the phone.

I honestly think you should think of this new caregiver thing as a Victory, as you stood your ground, telling your brother that you couldn't possibly drive so far, with yours and your husband's own health situations going on, so Good for you on that!
And as you heard from the nice home health aide, your Mom was doing well, seemed strong, and is being looked after in your brothers absence! Yea! FINALLY, he did the right thing, something you've been wanting him to follow for So long! It a WIN WIN!

Your Mom will get over it! The main thing is that she is being well looked after, and that is all you can ask for at this juncture! You set the guilt side, try not to worry, and the next time you talk with her, be upbeat and cheerful, and so happy she has someone there taking care of her. Then change the subject to something else more pleasant that talking about anything to do with health matters! It does get old, always talking about ilness, medication or dying!

UpsetSister, yay, it's almost over and your nearly home, though it sounds like you have a big truck to unload!

You are a powerhouse and go getter, I tell ya! I hope the "family" troubles are all behind you now! They are really something! We've got a bit of that going on here at our place too, though it's all being done over the phone. It so crazy how people react when there is grave ilness and looming death, or a death in the family, especially if they think there is money or possessions to be "had"! They can all take a flying leap, if you ask me!

Golden, sounds like you and your guy are getting a lot done around your place, and a getaway planned coming up soon, how lovely! I'm glad things are working out with you two!

To everybody else, I hope you are all doing well, and I'll write a little catch up note about what's been going on here (all is fine, but extremely busy and tired😩) when I'm done catching up on reading this thread, as I've got a couple more pages to go! Love you all!

I wish I could give you all a big HUG, for all you are going through or have been through,  as we've all been through so much garbage,  dealing with this dysfunctional BS!  

Upset, we often go to Lubec, Maine in the summers. I get the same "we're almost (several hours though) here!" frisson when we cross the Kittery Bridge.

Glad that you're back where you belong.

Upset,
Wow! What a great piece of furniture, very smart, practical for that time period and a great conversation piece too! Sounds like you have some wonderful new treasures to incorporate into your home. All good things. Very happy for you, now hopefully you can cut off the dysfunctionals completely. Finally start enjoying your life without fear of "What's next?" I am jealous! Can't wait to cut my family ties permanently. Sounds like such a sad statement but honestly, I know you understand.

Rainey, I understand completely. If I never hear from them again I will be a happy camper. They have worn me out mentally and physically.

Upset,
I will pray this is the end of your troubles, once and for all! You deserve to have a happy life.

Upset, the furniture sounds wonderful. After all you have been through including childhood up to present, don't be surprised if you experience some PTSD. Not trying to be a downer as I am very happy you are home and hopefully you will not have any further contact. You have done wonderfully through all of this.

Thanks Rainey and Sharon. My brother and I went to dinner this evening. He wants us to go together to a therapist. I told him I'd call the psych dept at the university and get a referral. I find it depressing that one's own family can treat the people they're supposed to care about the way they do. My brother has problems understanding how our mother showed our brother and his family such preferential treatment.

Upset, my parents did it because they felt sorry for me sister and her life choices. Of course they saw her as only a victim.  

This is kind of strange, but my brother Thinks our Mom's preference goes back to both of us have an unusual color of blue eyes and badbro didn't. He says he used to hear Mom tell people she didn't like our eyes and our voices. We both have very low pitched voices. I knew about the voice thing, but not the eyes. It's strange what parents think. One of many reasons I only have one child. I'm headed to bed. I told my brother not to wake me up - everything we have to do can wait. My garden looks like a jungle.

Upset,
I chose not to have kids because of the crud I went through growing up. Didn't want to go through more of it or even roll the dice. However........if I had chosen to have kids, I wouldn't care if they had one blue eye and one green eye, that is MY kid! I would love them if they were polka dotted! I just can't believe she would do that because of eye color, tone of voice, well, I might have an issue if they high pitched screeched all the time 😉 but still, nothing could make me treat any child of mine in such an appalling manner. I have amazing hearing so high pitches are hard for me.
I have a theory, Mom felt John was the weak and vulnerable one so she doted on him, was your John the same way? He was so insecure, when he got a bit older, he had to feel powerful so I was the only thing he could feel power over. He bullied, manipulated and as he got older, he started lifting weights. Now he had to be the tough guy to hide his insecurities. He even tried to become a cop but he "got the boot" out of the program early because of innappropriate behavior towards a female classmate. She reported him. It must have been revealing into his psyche and make-up that he was permanently ousted. Thank God, right?!?!? I cannot imagine if he had slipped through and became a cop! Yikes!
Maybe your Mom felt he needed her more, you and Jay more confident, independently minded? Just a guess. If she behaved that way soley on eye color and vocal tones, that say's she was not quite right and obviously neither was he. Maybe she picked up on his similarities to her and that bonded her more towards him. Again, a theory.
I like lower toned voices myself, not higher pitch squeaky!
A good few days tackling your garden will help your state of mind processing the recent events you have been through. Remember the good ol saying, "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family."

Send, I am definitely going to check out Grifters and Gaslight. Gaslight was one of the first things I learned about manipulation from you and a few others when I first came on board.

Upsetsister, that is horrible what you have been through. It did take nerve and courage to expose you niece. I am surprised she let it go so easy. I give you your props to go and take her bag and empty it. I am always trying to think about the other persons feelings and rights while they trample me... until I have had enough. I think it is awesome how you went right into action. Hope the rest of it all works out smooth.

Glad, Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy! The scorpion story was so true. Which is why I love this forum because I seem to need reminders, as I am prone to fall back into "Well Maybe...."

Found Grifters on showbox I have it saved in favorites, to check out on my days off.

Rays of light peace love and joy to you all.

Rainey, I thought it was "You can pick your Nose, but You can't pick your family", hahahaha!

Hi all, exhausting day, I'm guessing that you are going to hear that a lot from me, and I hate self pity!

We are finding that it's best to stick to a pretty strict schedule, and I must, must keep my Hospice log up to date daily, or I will lose track of all that needs to be accomplished, plus I can then follow the trends of the day to day, and see where things are changing, either drastic or even subtle.

Today the bath aide came at 10:00am and she was great, and at 11:30am the Chaplain was here for the first time, and she was lovely too! Both times I left them to do what they do, and he thoroughly enjoyed them both. I promise that I will not be giving blow by blows of the day in the life of my Hospice patient! Ugg, I can't think of anything worse! Even I'm bored!

My biggest problem is that I don't know where this is all headed. As you know, he fell in his AL apartment, it ended up that he had a really Bad Community Aquire Pneumonia, and then other tests showed severe Cardiomyopathy, severe metabolic disorder (wacky labs), and near kidney failure from the crush injury from laying on the floor in such a horrible position for so long, which sent of a cascading avalanche of health issues, add in hypothermia and Sepsis, and the guy looked like he was a goner for sure, but Man oh Man, this guy has 9 freaking lives!

Then they found that he has this Left lung Cancerous mass which has metastasized through to his ribs on the back side. This is not his first cancer either, He has had prostate cancer, mantle cell lymphoma, and now a primary lung cancer.

And because they tapped his Rt Lung Pneumonia side for fluid build up, the Dr felt it too dangerous to biopsy the mass, and was Hospice was elected, as he is to frail to treat, and that the treatment would be so detrimental to his already precarious health.

But now how do I know what to expect? How will I know how fast this will take him down, and what will the symptoms look like as we go along? I mean Yes, I did have the chance to meet up with the Cancer Dr in hospital, and he answered all of the questions that I could think of at the time, but now I have more questions, and because this isn't a curative based treatment plan, we won't get to see this Dr ever again. I while am sure that the Nurses will have a good idea of what to expect going forward, having been through this time and time again, it's always nice to hear it from the horses mouth.

Is it going to grow, spread, How fast? Will he likely have breathing problems? Is it going to be scary? Will he panic, will I? Is he just going to waste away? I don't know, my mind is going to the morbid, worst case scenario!

To see him today, is like looking at a whole new man, good color, stronger voice, but still weak. But I've got him feeding himself, no babying him, I did at first, but he was sick sick sick, not anymore, and not until I have to. He is still absolutely helpless in turning in the bed side to side, that kind of weak, and he cannot stand up and hold that position, he just drops like a 140# wet noodle. I definitely need to read up on what to expect going forward, or go crazy thinking about it! 

My little dog Charlie-girl is being so incredibly protective of my FIL!  She sits on the chair in his room, and has attached herself to his blanket/throw there. Or she'll sit outside his bedroom door, and of course she barks at the newcomers,  to make sure they aren't there to harm him. Several times a day,  she must be lifted up onto his bed to check him out, and she doesn't like it when hubby and I are moving him or adjusting his position, one on either side of him. She is following me back and forth to his room, and will often just sit there with him, it's so sweet, and definitely a 6th sense sort of thing! She knows he's sick.

I had a long Messenger Chat with our Dear friend Jude earlier today, and her Mum is now in a Palliative Care Center, and is Actively Dying, with End Stages Dementia, dysphagia and is basically unconscious and not taking in any liquids. HER Mum had been in hospital for several weeks now, and then transfered to the Palliative care center. They are keeping her comfortable with pain meds, and that's about it. It could be hours, or maybe a day or two at the most. Jude is heartbroken, but hanging in there. Please pray for a peaceful end for her Mum, and for strength for Dear Jude. I know that she posted a poem on the AC earlier today.

Isn't it strange how several of us have all gone through this end stage dying process/death of of our parents just in the past few months, and how it always seems to happen like that? Or is it because we all belong to this "aging care website", and it's one big coincidence, Duh Stacey!

Well I'm getting rummy how, as I haven't being sleeping well, so I'm off to the couch to watch a bit of telly, where I'll fall asleep in moments, only to wake up and not get able to get back to sleep, listening for my FIL to take his last breath! Ugg, this dying process is not for the faint of heart!

Take Care All! ❤

I am trying to catch up. There is a lot one can miss. Sometimes its to much as I am off line sometimes for days. Well I mostly get on at work as my computer is down. I was closing my emails realizing how I have left stuff open in chrome and internet and hoping no one got into my stuff as recently my son and I had a very open discussion. '

Anyways always after email is AC and I happened on two days ago and started reading.

Golden Upset, Rainey, you are all some awesome women and it bought tears to my eyes reading a few of the posts. I think about the little girls you all were during this abuse that was a norm.
Hugs, Hugs, and Hugs, you know sometimes the best advice and words come from someone who has been there. Maybe that is why so many times Goldens words strike a cord and open my eyes even if not to me or I am so deeply touched by one or another of your posts and this is with every one. I guess we just don know how much and what someone else has gone through and of course a lifetime of pain and abuse is not easily revealed or shared.

But reading these recent post helped me see how strength is born. Or maybe birthed maybe its always been and already there. Don't want to babble but there is a sameness in spirit I notice at times when I read. I mean we all express our selves differently but the love shines.

Love peace and power to the AC family.

Stacey,
LOL!!!! I was thinking of the nose comment but decided against it.
Sounds like you are doing pretty well and I will send my prayers to Jude. I always wonder how Mom's dementia will end and I pray it is not long drawn out suffering. I wouldn't want that for anyone!
Your an angel dear, you really are!

Thank you Rainey! Prayers for you to Sweetie! I know you've got it particularly rough at the moment too!

I hate the unknown, and that just happens to be my future coming up for a while anyways!

I forgot to mention that my hubby's brother and sister are acting up again! Those 2 can't stay well enough alone, and are determined to make my husband's life as difficult as possible and at the worst of times!

My husband has completely emptied out my FIL'S apartment at the AL place, and has turned in the keys, which means that all his stuff is now back at my house (minus a couple of trips to the dump, and to the Goodwill), and the rest is now stufded in our garage, the shed, and into the spare bedroom, which had never completely been cleared out of bits and pieces, from when my FIL left to go to AL in the first place. I am no UpsetSister, that's for sure! Lol! We are wanting to turn it into a guest bedroom, should we need additional nighttime help, as FIL'S illness progresses as we go along.

So in trying to find a and place for everything to go, hubby was still going through boxes of OLD paperwork that belonged to my inlaws, and came across a file folder Stuffed full of Money Wire Transfers, money sent to his 1/2 sister, when she lived in Florida. We're talking about over 28,000 dollars here in 2 years time, and that was only part of it! I am thinking that she had to have had some sort of drug habit or something! There was also 2 letters written by my MIL, where she was asking for adjustments on Credit card debt, where my husband's sister had charged up to
68,000 dollars on several different CC's, and she didn't know about it. And there's even more! Now isn't that the most despicable deceitful and horrible thing a person can do to their elderly (and sickly, Mom w/ COPD) retired parents on a fixed income! And I know that hubby's siblings are going to cause him troubles, once his Dad passes, over money and stuff! These 2 have done Nothing but cause their parents pain and anguish their whole lives! I do know there's nothing they can do, as theWill and life insurance payouts are set in stone, and they both get a teensy token amount, and the rest goes to my husband, but they will try to cause a stink, Mark my words! Those Azz*#@les!!!😤

DDDuck,
Yes there are very special women on this site that are an inspirational to us all! How Golden can forgive after all she went through, amazing! Her advice is always excellent and insightful.
How Upset handled the nightmare she just went through with strength and dignity is amazing and admirable!
Stacey, deciding to take care of FIL, knowing this was a very difficult choice with many consequences, decided to forge ahead regardless because she is a kind and loving person.
I could go on about the amazing women I have had the privilege to speak with and get to know on this site.
This site is a lifesaver to many of us. We are not alone and we can help support, empathize, laugh, cry and share.
Stacey makin cracks about picking noses, 😉 reminds me never, ever lose your sense of humor!

Stacey, thank you for letting us know about Jude. Tonight I was thinking about chatting with her. When I last did her mom was struggling. Yes, there are many of us that have lost parents in the past few months. It is strange but it seems to come in waves. Yes, AC is part of it, length is time here has a lot to do with it too. Me, five years now.

Thinking of Stacey, Jude, Book, Upset. I know I am missing quite a few, these are the most recent ones that come to mind. All have a recent loss or are now on the final journey.

Golden, you went through it with your mom growing up. Taking you out in the car like your mom did must have been very scary as well as scaring on you emotionally.

The abuse I experienced was physical as well as witnessing it on my sibs from very early on. The emotional and verbal abuse is was destroys your self esteem taking a life time to repair.

Sis was a picky eater, sick with bronchitis every winter. She and my oldest brother were the star children. I grew up being invisible unless I misbehaved. I remember fearing in 3 re grade that my father watched me in class because he said I was lazy among other things. Getting excellent grades was important to my parent. What I went through pales by comparison to what so many of you went through.

Stacey, give my sympathies to Jude, she has been through the wringer too. And Stacey, you take care of yourself during this journey with fil.

Stacey, I've been thru the paperwork sorting and the subsequent "surprises". My younger brother and I have compiled a list of what we know for sure my bad bro and his family took from my dad, mom and ourselves. The total now stands at over $350,000. Sickening to think family members do this.