notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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My fellow plant junkie, sounds great!!!! I have a Twilight Crepe Myrtle in a pot waiting desperately for transplant. All was in waiting until we got house painted so now, Tally Ho, a planting I will go! Well, with a little help from husband on the Myrtle. We had a sad, dysfigured Lilac by our front door, that area gets really nailed by afternoon sun, so we tore out the sad little Lilac and will put the Myrtle there. Over time, hopefully we will get some shade from it as well as a gorgeous tree! We also planted a very tall Chinese Pistache Tree in our back area where we took down a gigantic Oak. Not safe so close to the house and what a mess it made too! We want some shade back and gorgeous fall color so I picked the Pistache. The maples do fine here except can get burned leaves if too much hot sun. Planted tons of dwarf blue plumbagos for the steep hilly areas, they spread and will be a gorgeous carpet of blue flowers the butterflies and hummimgbirds love. They also get great fall color so a win win!
The shade garden will be a variety of ferns, lucerne blue eyed grass, jack frost brunnera, climbing hydrangeas, hostas, heucheras and other wonderful goodies. At the center is a gorgeous japanese maple, a weeping scarlet princess. 😊
Just got back from Augusta and the Dept on Aging. I talked them into allocating 4 more hours of services in home to give caregivers in the groups a total of 8 hours of respite each week. I also picked up two grant applications to try to get grant money for caregiver counseling and a center with support services. I got a local businessman to give me a one year lease for $10 on a building to locate the center. It's an old beauty school building with several classrooms and also the beauty shop part. So I'll have to see if I can get it going.
Upset, the lemon dasiy may only be available from online nurseries right now, it is fairly new.
Just got back from Augusta and the Dept on Aging. I talked them into allocating 4 more hours of services in home to give caregivers in the groups a total of 8 hours of respite each week. I also picked up two grant applications to try to get grant money for caregiver counseling and a center with support services. I got a local businessman to give me a one year lease for $10 on a building to locate the center. It's an old beauty school building with several classrooms and also the beauty shop part. So I'll have to see if I can get it going.
Well we've done that now about 3 times over the years, and have a gorgeous display every year, they are So hardy! We also have a wall of Liliacs, against our side fence in the back yard, after planting many shooters from my inlaws garden when we first moved into this home, now 23 years ago. They are 14 feet tall now, and 30 + feet in length! The've taken over! Love them! And the Jasmin bush just outside my back door, so fragrant!
I did have a Monkey Puzzle tree that I bought on a whim from a grocery store garden center. It was about 8 inches when I planted it, and HAD to take it out last year at 11 feet tall (16 years old) as it was being overtaken by other bushes, and didn't have room to spread out and grow where it was. So Beautiful, the perfect branches, and was heartbreaking to lose it, never thinking it would do so well in the garden! Thankfully, a guy we hired to thatch our grass offered to transfer it to another clients garden, where he had the perfect spot for it. I've heard that big tall mature Monkey Puzzle Trees can go for several hundred dollars! We didn't care, I just didn't want it to die! Those things are hard to move, very spikey like a cactus!!
We should have more garden talk too, it is such therapy to be out there in the dirt creating beauty to get your mind off of troubles!
I was wondering if you have been able to take the time to investigate other Caregivers groups online, and see how they run their groups? From the sounds of things, you will put together a Caregivers group to be exemplified and modeled after!
We actually have a Caregivers group, our Counties area on Aging, who has just taken over a huge defunct Garden Center, right near my home. They are remodeling it now, and I'm sure it is going to be a huge asset to our community! Too bad it was a bit late for us in the "coming to a town near you', for us!
Gosh, I'm having a little trouble with my Tablet, it just Loves to fill in words that do not apply, as if it has a mind of its own, and sometimes it won't let me go back to a particular word in the sentence to correct or edit! Sheesh! but I did want to say GOOD FOR YOU!
You are doing a fabulous job with your group, and I'm sure they really appreciate it! Wow, you have done so much and so fast, creating a new outlet and fulfilling such a huge need for the Cargivers in you community! I wish you much success! They are so Lucky to have You!! Now, Go Get Um girl!
❤❤❤👍👍👍👏👏👏❤❤❤
Stacey. I grew some years ago I divided and gave away!!
Stacey, We are going to leave in some beauty stations. We're also going to leave in manicure/pedicure stations. My next project is getting help in cleaning up and money for some repairs and operating costs. I'm going to meet with fraternities and sororities to see if they will help. To stay on campus they are required to do community service projects.
We have a Easter Lilly that my husband gave to his Mom many years ago. It was in there lake house garden (that must be 25 + years ago now), and we've had it in our yard for many years. There were 9 or so big flowers on it this year!
Plus I have a whole bunch of Chicken & Hens cacti, that have been transplanted at least 5 or 6 times now, house to house, which originated from My Grandfather's yard in the 60's! I know that I could get those anywhere, but it's the sentiment of their being in the family So Long, that they mean so much to me! Live Long and Prosper and all that, Lol!
SharynM, so glad to hear about your garden and all the planning involved. I'm sure it's going to be Beautiful!
It will be hard leaving all of those sorts of things when the time comes. Our home was brand new when we bought it, and the front was landscaped, but the back only just the fresh sod in it, so it was up to us to plantern and plan out all the gardens, and it was so much fun to do at the time! Of course, be sure to go for the Perennials, as they come back every year and often proliferate! Plants can get expensive! I have always invested about 300 dollars every year in Annuals, just to kick it up a notch, plus it's fun to do different color schemes too, reds & yellows one year, purples & pinks the next! Or sports teams colors!
This is the first year that we didn't plant any annuals, as we were so busy with moving the Old Man, and it got too late, just too tired to deal with it and I miss them so much! I did throw some seeds down here and there, and surprisingly they took hold, so we do have some colors spots! Keep the updates coming, as I'm enjoying hearing about it!
Nothing much worth chatting about here, but we're doing fine!
Loving playing with my emojii's!😍😘😙😚
Thank God your son is alright!!!!! *Hugs*
My list of things to do is growing longer and longer.
Thank you Mom, I know you helped make this happen. You knew I wasn't going to step foot in the old house again. I'm glad I got to tell Dad I love him. I know he is excited to go on his trip to meet you Mom. I'm happy the two of you will be together soon, I love you both so much!!!
Excellent!!!! Very exciting! I am somewhat enjoying my first day of being able to enter and exit through the front door again and being able to open the windows and get fresh air in here again. The house does look a lot better however! Next year, we do the other side and back of the house. We will pick a different person though!
Just got back from getting Mom from hairdresser and our usual painful trip to the grocery store. I finally had to make the decision I am not taking her with me anymore. I feel awful but shopping with her has become a nightmare. She argues about what she has and doesn't have, argues about where in the store it's located, can't answer a simple "Yes I need that or No I don't" always tells me how much she has left instead. She eats like a mouse so you cannot judge from that because she eats like she is on war rationing, "I only eat 5 grapes a day, I only have so much in the container, I eat 1/4 of a yoplait." Does this make sense? No simple yes or no's. It's just excruciating. Then, if I start to get impatient, I get dirty looks from the other shoppers like I am being a big meanie. It is getting worse and worse. She can't describe what she needs, uses hand gestures, like I am a charades expert. I can't do it anymore. I had to tell her she cannot come with me anymore. It's just too stressful and I am never sure someone will call APS on me not knowing her brain is going. I feel like a jerk. I always feel like a jerk after going shopping with her because it is so frustrating. I have to keep my stress levels down and that would be enough to piss off the Pope!
I consider myself a pretty patient person, it takes a bit to get my ire up but when you just bought them something the night before and she stands there arguing that you didn't and she needs it, and you try calmly to explain over and over you just got it for her last night and she will not be convinced, what do you do??? I gotta draw the line unfortunately. 😥 I feel like such a jerk because I know she can't help it.
I currently have my FIL back with us in our home on Hospice, and we too are dealing with my husband's siblings. Neither of them live in our state, but can still stress my husband out over the phone, and do often, like nearly daily. My husband spoke with his 1/2 sister today for the first time since their Dad got sick, but these two get together and instigate trouble from afar, and neither of them can be trusted.
I wish I could tell you it will be smooth sailing with your sister through the tragedy of your Dad's end of days, but we both know that's not true. Some family members act up when they are in the process of losing a parent, but my husband's Act Up All the Time! They are Jerks!
I'm so sorry for your recent loss of your Mom! I think that often parents died close together for a reason that we will never understand. Mine died 14 months apart. You try to take care of yourself now! Best wishes!
Sigh... true about the sibs. I helped dad caregive mom for over 20 years. Dad had a stroke 5 years ago. I was caregiving 2 bedridden parents and a full time. None of 7 siblings offered to help me. I found a way to get oldest sis help babysit (doesn't do pampers, clean house, cook, etc..) Monday-Fridays while I'm at work. I was just so grateful for whatever help I can get. Mom died a year later. Status quo remained. My dad passed away this past July.
I and my siblings and SIL were shocked how my oldest sis tried to 'take over' with the funeral, etc.. my siblings - none of them wanted to sign anything. I ended up signing the No DNR, the No on dialysis and... eventually, it was my signature that authorized the doctor to take dad off life support. Nobody wanted the responsibility.
Yet, when it came to the funeral, oldest sis was quick to sign the document.... At the cemetary, oldest sis told me that she will be given the Flag (dad was a veteran, and got a veteran's funeral ceremony). I didn't think this was right. I was caregiving both parents for close to 26 years, I did all the pamper changing (sis still didn't do that)... Oldest sis came to help us 5 years ago. But I was silent because it's dad's funeral, I wasn't going to throw a hissy fit. Well, SIL (sister-in-law) was NOT going to put up with that. She quietly went up to the lady and told her that I was the one to get the flag. Now the lady was in a pickle because she had already told oldest sis that she was going to get the flag because she's the oldest. I felt soooo bad. I told her that I can share the holding of the Flag with my sister. In the end, the Guard gave me the flag...
Just watch your back. And always do whatever is in your conscience. This would help alleviate any guilt or 'should haves'. That's why I'm soooo glad that you were able to meet with your dad - alone!!! You take care. {{{Hugs}}}
We have a wonderful caregiver's program here. It's part of the nationwide: National Family Caregivers Support Program. They have helped me a LOT (the few times I went.) We only have it once a month. And they provide us with a light breakfast (finger sandwiches, fruits, coffee, tea, etc...) Morning meeting. And then they provide us free lunch (take out orders from local restaurants).
Every meeting, there's a nurse who spends like 30 minutes before the meeting to take our vitals and documents it on the free medical booknote. We've had drawings - and I won a free haircut! When I went there, I found out that their haircuts cost much less than the other salons. I still go there. =) Yearly, for their members, us caregivers, they provide us with certificates (free or discounts) for the movie theaters, massage, hair cuts, etc...) On top of that, they also provide us for our 'patients' with discounts for supplies like pampers, wipes, etc... Because we fell on the low income, dad was able to get like $80.00 certificate to 'buy' the supplies from their 'donated' supplies of pampers, gloves, etc.... That was great, too!
Sometimes, our meeting would be educational. There was a lawyer who came in and explained about POA, etc... There was the gov't agency that came in and told us about Medicare and Social Security. (I learned how important we must apply for Social Security - even if we're still working. If we apply past the age we're suppose to - we would be penalized with a higher cost!)... They brought a counselor in to help us find ways to de-stress, etc... I never attended the 2 times when they had painting-to-destress... A few months ago, they had someone come in to show us how to take care of a bedridden person (hygiene, etc...) I have mostly attended the ones where we talked and speak up about our home life, vent, cried, etc... I will always be grateful to them. And that's why, Upsetsister, I'm in awe with you. I'm cheering for you. =)
Upset, I love the ideas you're coming up with for a caregivers group. I would think that when we're doing hands on, our own self care is one of the first things to go. I didn't get a pedicure for nearly the entire time I was caregiving. And sure, I was fine, it's a luxury not a necessity, but it makes me happy to be able to do it now for myself. A local group would allow, I think, for more lengthy and personal discussion about some issues. Support is everything those who are in the trenches every day and night.
Monkey Puzzle tree! What a great name! Shasta daisies are so pretty. I have cone flowers here, too, my first time planting them. You guys are a bunch of gardeners and cooks. It's fun to read about your gardening and cooking adventures.
I'm so glad that you're feeling somewhat better!
I ate a pear, finally, first one I've eaten this year. The people yesterday picked their own pears AND gave me $10!! Haha! They did take a bushel of them, but still, I didn't want any money for them. I'm just happy they're getting used up.
Random whine... I'm having some headaches again and I'm afraid they're being caused by my latest try of psychotropic meds, the small bit of trazodone I started taking at night to help me get to sleep. I think, based on the past few years of trying different things and reacting poorly to all of them, that I'm now in that category of people who can't take SSRIs. I'm not trying to rush to any judgment, but I can feel that I'm waking up with a bit of pressure feeling and hurting in my head and that's not good. Of all times of the day to have pressure headaches, having them when I first wake up is a bad sign, because then I know it's not anything I did, it's not a response to the day's efforts or anything else. I'll report to my psych and we'll see what happens. I'd love to have some help with mood stability and sleep patterns but... I don't know. I can't go around with pressure headaches. They feel like "anxiety" to me, then I want to take something to relieve the "anxiety." It's been a vicious cycle to find something to truly help w/o hurting the last 4 years. I think it's possible that there is nothing... nothing... that will help w/o also hurting. And I would think this BECAUSE I TRIED THEM ALLLLL. lol
Happy Friday, all!