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Rainey, reading about how your mom's acting in the grocery store rang a bell to me. I get it. I get how when you try to correct or get her on track -- "What is it you need, mom?" said in a firm voice -- you would get some judgment possibly from others. They don't understand that you're giving so much of your time and energy, and all you want to do is make sure your mom has the proper groceries.

Been there, done that. I'm sure many have on here. At some point, I stopped taking my dad to the grocery store, and instead bought his usual stuff for him to have on hand. It was just EASIER.

I remember once I was at the VA medical facility with him, one of a hundred all-afternoon trips I took him on to get his med care there before I switched it up to local care, and he had a time where he wanted me to drop everything and do something for him Right Now. He snapped at me, raised his voice and said he needed me Right Then, and I snapped back and told him I'd be right there. Well, wouldn't you know, a man behind the desk piped up and said "Hey, you be nice to your father!" I turned to him and said "This IS me being nice to my father, I'm here with him every week." I should've been more mature, I suppose, but at some point...

At some point, it's enough. You're not an angel, you're a human being. In my area, they have some people who either for volunteer to help seniors or for a small amount of money, they will pick up elders and go shopping with them. My dad seemed to do better with the paid caregiver towards the end of my time with him. They would go to the Aldi and they both like to go slow and putz around, so that worked out.
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Almostorphan, I'm so happy for you that you got to see your Dad alone. Like Stacey said you should watch your back with your sibs. Take care.
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Everyone talked about flowers so much yesterday, I was at Lowe's garden center at 7:00am. I bought bulbs. Tulips, day lilies, daffodils, gladioli, and peonies. I can never resist the end of seasons bargain rack. I bought 10 hydrangeas to plant across the front.  A neighbor has them across the front of her home on the lakeside and they look good. So I may be planting. PJ's grandson is going to come help dig holes for the hydrangeas.
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I put 2 hydrangea bushes in this year, Upset. I keep thinking I need to re-dig one of the holes, I don't think I dug it deep enough. But then I think about how I'm moving out in a month and... it's enough, I guess. It's enough effort. I'm planning to add a bag of topsoil around each of them in the flower bed.  Will you put the bulbs in now before frost or wait until Spring?  I don't know much about how gardening works haha.  :-P  I had some gladioli and I can't recall if I did them the year before or early that Spring.  

I'm going camping with friends this weekend. I leave this morning. I'm not in the best place, physically, to do such a trip but... Life is Short. I'm taking a bottle of Aleve with me. We'll see how it goes! I haven't been on a trip like this in many years, since high school/college age, I think.
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Ali, Take some Benadryl with you since you've having so many allergy symptoms.

Planting now befor frost.
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Have fun, Ali
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Oh Upset,
Those hydrangeas will put on a lovely show for you every year, (just as long as no deer get at them!) Having them surrounding Mom's cottage is so charming and a beautiful statement. They are water hogs though and when it gets hot, they flop over like drama queens! They are tough despite these flops and can get super big over time. I have to chop em way down before winter or else they will block her windows. I do love them!
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Ali,
Thanks for understanding! I felt so awful when we got back yesterday but I just can't deal with this in public anymore! People can no longer mind their own business and I know it's just a matter of time before somone tries to say something and I will snap just like you. I frequent this store often and do not wish to have a black mark on me. The hardest part was telling her I was no longer taking her. She looked so sad. Then, I felt like such a jerk. Not to mention she said, "I'm sorry your stuck with me." 😔
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Ali,
Most bulbs get planted in the fall. Only some others are spring like daylilies. Another addiction I have! There are so many gorgeous varieties but the most reliable and constant flowering is The Stella de Oro. So easy and gorgeous when done in mass plantings.
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I let my hydrangeas go until early spring because I loved the deep burgundy color of the flowers and leaves in autumn. They made a lovely bouquet for thanksgiving.
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I plant all of mine in the fall. I have the Stella d' Oro along my driveway. They last from late June to late August here. This year the construction workers have squashed a few. I have 16 different day lilies. My favorite is a Snow White one with a huge bloom. No clue of name.
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Sharyn,
I have lots of different varieties of hydrangeas. I have 2 oakleaf hydrangeas in big pots flanking my front door. Love them but everytime it gets really hot, the leaves get brown & crisped and I have to gently strip them off. Too much sun there so I will transplant them to a shadier location. The fall color of the leaves are supposed to be spectacular but I have not had the chance to really see that because I have them in too much direct sun. What a bummer because I would have loved that show on my porch entryway. That is why I am going to plant a crepe myrtle tree off to the left of the front door to add some protection from the blasting late afternoon sun. They even have water reservoirs in the pot, doesn't matter. I have plenty of other areas to transplant them and they should do better.
This year I bought two different types of climbing hydreangeas, I am super excited to see how well they do! I should call our place "The hydrangea house." LOL! Someday, when all of this is mature and gorgeous, some lucky person will get to live here and enjoy all the love and hard work it took to create a botanical paradise! We do have a decent sized property, under an acre so lots more to be done over the years. More money. I figure by the time we have everything fixed up, we will be close to 60 years old. Decks to be redone as they are rotting, front porch, because all was done in wood, so it's had it. We will re-do all in stone with iron railing. It will last forever. New driveway, front gate....... on and on. So the projects will keep going but I think it's fun creating what we want!
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Rainey, it sounds beautiful!!💐🥀🌹🌺. I'm hoping hydrangeas grow in my zone. I'm keeping the gardens small as my hubby is not a gardener. I love gardening, old age, back issues so to make it easy on me, the plots will be small.

The sprinklers, sod is done with river rock on the north and south sides. Once the sod has rooted, I can get the tall fescues transplanted in the back. It's a shame no one wants the red twig dogwood, I understand why though, lol!!!

Drama and pain for dd regarding her former bff (toxic friend). Dd is in process to have her Scentsy business transferred to another sponsor along with her recruits. Long story and not going to take up the thread for it, their director made a remark about dd showing she has been told untruthful info about dd. 

Onward we go!!
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Sharyn, Your landscaping sounds beautiful. I love river rock.

I've spent all day filling out grant applications. I've found 6 different grants to apply for. Tomorrow I'm meeting with some women from the caregivers group. I want input from them on what they think would be helpful, relaxing, etc. I've also been lining up beauticians, nail techs, etc who would be willing to donate some time each month. I also contacted the local vocational school. They are willing to send an instructor to supervise some of their senior students to do hair, manicures pedicures. I've also made calls getting donations for various things - paint, books, etc. I have an appointment with an attorney/CPA on Monday. He's going to file my application for non-profit status. A few things off the list. But I added a bunch more.

This week the attorney is going to talk to all four groups about wills, caregiver contracts, taxes, POA's and medical POA's. And the big topic in Maine - the state trying to make children responsible for Medicaid payback after their parents pass. It's not law, but one that may come up in the next legislative session. Wouldn't that be a mess?
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Upset, you are on your way to making a model group for all areas. Maine is ahead of all the other states in their thinking and policy to assist home caregivers!!
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Sharyn, It's all about a very poor state with an aging population trying to save money. But they do have some great programs. I'm diabetic and they have free footcare clinics for diabetics at least once a month in almost every town. And a visiting nurses' association that you can get for a very, very small fee.
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It's still amazing Upset!!  I'm sure in California the area agency on aging would require in home interviews and proof of income to provide just a minimum of what you are saying Maine provides.  
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Sharyn, Maine is good. Ohio also has tons of services. The town I lived in in Ohio had a population of 13,000. They had six income based senior housing complexes. Big senior center with 7-day a week programming. Senior transportation. Daily twice a day Meals on Wheels, homemaker services with sliding scale fees from 0 - $10.00 an hour. Best of all 28 hours per week pay for caregivers. They also give one week a year respite care. Senior can be taken to a rehab or nursing home and state pays. I think services should be more uniform state to state, but I don't think that will ever happen.
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All your gardens sound so lovely. Here we are in zone 2 so very limited, but some roses, delphiniums, potentilla, lily of the valley, hostas, Japanese anemones, tiger lilies and quite a few others will do fine. I envy you the hydrangeas.

upset you are amazing in what you are developing for caregivers. Being in a small town and knowing the people must help a lot. Making children pay for medicaid payback after parents pass sounds pretty rough. Nice to hear about the services in Ohio, If one state can do it...

sharyn - I am glad that your garden plans are in the works. The grasses and river rock and so attractive. Love the colours you are putting together.

rainey - your shade garden will be a delight and the hydrangea cottage sounds so beautiful, I am sorry about mum and the groceries but totally understand.

ali -have a good time and look after yourself. I am glad you are getting away.

stacey - hang in there, I know you are busy

everyone else -let us know how you are

Finally I seem to be over this bug and have been busy. Yesterday I passed my driver's medical without the cataract surgery though I will get it done anyway. One eye is very good even without my glasses. and the other one - meh! No other issues. Here now we have to have a medical every 2 years (not 5) over 80 which is not a bad idea as people can decline quickly. Did some errands after and was tired. Today I finally took my dgd out for lunch. We had a lovely time and she asked me some interesting questions about tattoos, earrings, what jobs I had and how I felt when I found out her mother was pregnant with her and so on. I told her about her birth, as I was there. Then I took her down town for her extra present which turned out to be a tshirt. She is starting to be interested in clothes which is fun. Then got my nails done a very blingy blue/green/purple. Tomorrow I will take my dgs out for his special birthday lunch, and then downtown for his extra present. It is something I started for them quite a few years ago and wondered if dgd was getting past the point that she wanted to do it, but she still does. Once they get into the teen years you never know.

Had an interesting morning - an older teenage girl from Eastern India messaged me on face book and just wanted to chat, then I facetimed with dd, texted and phoned with dgd and texted with R. And all this before 11 am. Normally just leave me alone with my coffee until noon. I used to be a morning person, but not since I retired.
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I have been so confused about the hardiness zone here. One source says zone 7 another says zone 6. I found an online article explaining the USDA decided a few years ago this area had warmed up and changed the zone to 7. This means we should not have winters colder than 0 degrees. The article goes to say, since the USDA changed the zone to 7, winter lows have been below 0 degrees. Lol!!! So this article suggests if you are new to the area, consider southwest Idaho zone 6. This clears up my confusion, zone 6 we are!!

Glad you are better Golden.  Your dgd sounds very sweet. Spending that time with the grands individually is a great way to bond, give them individual attention.  Not to mention how it benefits you too. 
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Yes, I am here. Upset amazing you have the energy for your caregiver groups!

Hydrangea do not do well in zone 5. I have tried several time and failed miserably.
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Glad, I'm in something called 5a. My neighbor has them. I'll have to see how they do.

Golden, I'm glad you're feeling better. My biggest resource is proximity to the University. Invaluable for information. Also, students for internships. Fraternities and sororities that need community service projects, etc.

I like working on projects and staying busy. And I think this project is a good one. I think the caregiver job is one that is not appropriately recognized. I think caregiver's deserve to have resources for themselves to improve the quality of their lives.

Hope everyone is having a good evening. It's bedtime here.
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Glad, the hydrangea Annabelle is hardy to zone 3. You could try it. I think I may give it a try here.
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Sharyn,
Did a bit of reseach on hydrangeas that can handle your zone.
http://search.waysidegardens.com/search?lbc=waysidegardens&method=and&p=Q&ts=custom&uid=886459949&view=list&w=hydrangeas%20for%20sun&af=zone%3a59
Hope this gives you hope!
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Golden,
Thanks for being sweet and understanding about shopping with Mom, I felt like such a heel but I have to do what I have to to keep my stress down.
How are you doing? Any improvement? I am going through my monthly h*ll so slept all the way through dinner tonight. One more day of cramping and hopefully I will be ready to start tackling my garden work. Hope you are feeling somewhat better, I am in ditzy mode now because of the meds I am on to get through my god awful cycle.
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Im greatful that my Dad was admitted to the Hospice house, I'm camping out with him tonight. He keep asking "why does this hurt so bad". The nurse has turned up the morephine pump a couple times, he is so uncomfortable. Any advice?
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Almost,
I am afraid morphine is the drug of choice for pain with hospice. Giving a higher dosage sounds about right to try and make him more comfortable. I know how awful this is watching a loved one suffer, you feel so helpless!
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Almost, my brother and sil lost their son at age 38 to cancer. He was given both morphine and methedone for his pain at the end. I'm very sorry, such a hard thing to go through.
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Rainey, thank you for the info! You are very sweet to provide the site info! I'm sorry you are having such a time with cramps. I am so happy I am past that time now. Makes life so much more enjoyable.
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Rainey, Not having cramps is one the best things ever! I sorry about the grocery problems. My brother and I both had that problem with my Mom. She would be loud and rude to clerks. She thought the whole world revolved around her. We finally had to tell her we weren't going to take her any longer.

Just finished my meeting with caregivers. The most frequent request was a quiet room with no talking, maybe some very quiet music. Other suggestions included perhaps a meditation coach, an area with coffee, tables and chairs to visit, wifi hookup (many said they had had to give up internet service because of cost). Lots of good ideas. Nothing too off the wall.
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