notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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Gosh I wish they'd just vanish.
There will be solutions, of course, and you can't expect to adore everyone you ever meet anyway; but I resent the thought of having to tiptoe through the bloody tulips instead of relaxing and enjoying the main event.
Ex-husband and wife can be my buffer. The reality is that he'll be paying for the whole ghastly bunfight so I can cunningly split (step)mother-of-the-bride duties with her and sneak out of the high risk ones, heh-heh-heh.
I'm afraid that Daughter 2, in common with her nice cousins, is still thinking in terms of "let's just all get together and be friends." She, and Lovely Nephew 1 who called a while ago with the news that he and wife are pregnant, are aware that their parents aren't speaking but not, clearly, of quite how bad things became or why. And you can't really explain without saying nasty things about people they're fond of and breaking your own rules. "I'm not blaming her, but I can't see your aunt's/mother's face without wanting to smash my fist into it." Not sure that would completely clarify the issue...
Hormones and I don't mix well. Haven't since I was young. Tried many different dosages and forms. Lots of bad side effects. So, no, I just gotta stick it out and I will be back to normal in a day or so.
Weddings. LOL! I had the most unconventional wedding ever! I let a handful of people know, told them they were under no obligation to come or bring a gift. It would be a short ceremony at the JOP, then back to our place where I catered my own wedding with different snacks, cakes, goodies, it was very casual and the only one in my family present, was my Mom. I don't believe in the huge waste of money on one day, it is for the people getting married, not for the entourage! At least, that is my opionion. I did not even do a traditional wedding cake, I got several different things in case people didn't like a certain thing, they had options!
I was very happy and nobody else was on pressure to perform. And my siblings, was so glad they weren't there. They did not even know about it so no ill feelings to be had! A secret wedding except for a handful of friends. No obligations. It was great!
rainey - wish there was something you could do except suffer each month but it doesn't look like it. Your wedding sounds like it was fun! Glad you kept your sibs out of it.
upset - agreed that the 4 corner arrangement was good. Your dil did very well.
The eclipse did not show anything much here. It was just somewhat overcast for a while
Then I got a call from the insurance lady who still did not have a clue about what we had sent her. So I went over it verbally with her and I think she got it. Obviously, she had not examined anything we sent her. It really says to me that her reading skills are very poor. Then she wanted to discuss the settlement and I told her to put it in writing. I got an email not long after and haven't looked at it,
After that I got a lovely bouquet of flowers, from my overseas nephew and family, delivered to the door. It is my 80th birthday today. Dd came over with a small gift for me which I appreciate. With the eclipse thrown in, mother's move and the insurance lady with a settlement for the whole thing, it was quite a day.
I now have a sorority on board. They will be helping clean this weekend - also donating their refundable bottles and cans.
Also met with guy who owns local building supply place. He is donating $2500.00 for supplies. Talked to two local oil distributors. Each is donating $1000.00 in heating oil. Probably will have to pay for $2000.00. My nonprofit papers are at the IRS in Boston. They called - told attorney we should have our number by the end of the week. I've done non-profits in Maine before and the agent knows I handle properly. I keep checking things off my list, but keep adding on. I would love to be open by the first of October. I've only had one problem. We registered for all licenses stating that it was a center for home caregivers of the elderly. A group of caregivers of children with disabilities say I am discriminating. I checked with the city attorney and he says no. I hope this is the end of it. Children with disabilities are a different modality and our programs won't meet those needs. And frankly, I don't think I could raise enough support for another group. I hope nothing else comes of it.
I'm enjoying talking with the caregivers. They've made good suggestions.
(I nearly pressed post answer and realized I had typed you are a marble!) :)
But you are a marvel........I hope I am as sharp as you when I am 80. Good job!
Wishing you the very best Birthday Ever!!! You had a very busy week, Celebrating Birthdays with your Grands! August must be an expensive month for you, kinda like my February, as there is about 8 of us in the family with February birthdays.
I hope I'm half the woman that you are when I turn 80! You have been a fine friend, and an Inspiration to me in the six or so years that I have been on the AC site! You always know just what to say, and how to be of support for everyone! You are a bad Azz, and I hope you know how fond I am of you!
So go out there and Celebrate the rest of this Month, and the rest of the year too! And Wow, a Solar Eclipse on your special day! I'm glad there was something Fantastical just for you! I Love You! 😗😙😚❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I'm home from my camping trip. It went well. I have some edema in my legs but probably because I was hiking around and my calves are sore. It was nice to do this trip.
Hope everyone is good and some of you were able to view the eclipse today.
I cant remember if it was you who bought up the severe knee pain link to menopause but that is exactly what happened to me. Around premenopause. I always had bad knees as a child. on top of that they are knobby. Nice legs that latter got spoiled with lymphedema in one leg after cheerleading injury. But that knee pain was horrific I have all kinds of diagnosis with them but sometimes my knees and legs would just hurt or give out. Its eased up a lot thank goodness but the turmeric helps when it tries to act up. Forget the rainey days....whew! And I was young. working in the ER a lot of foot work. We used to joke and say we needed rollerskates, which I cant do. I remember asking my mother if she had pains in her knees at that age. My mother has no issues except for dementia and other psych stuff undiagnosed. The blood pressure also but everytime I take it its normal. She takes the pills but I don't think regularly. I tend to babble.
I also use the old famous turpentine that send broke down for me with another option(I cant remember name) I use both.
Church sometimes we have to bite the bullet. I was not speaking to my sister when my son got married about 10yrs ago. For him, I wanted to make sure the whole family was there meaning my mother sister and 2 nephews. I always drove south with family over the years footing the bill. Only this time I had no car, and low money. I rented a car with the help of an x who used his card. I paid. The agreement was to split the bill 4 ways me, my mother sister and nephew who were employed the oldest nephew was not. I was counting on that repayment to pay for my room and gas. Well no one except my nephew and then my mother shared a room with me which was a shock and ruffled my feathers but it worked out because I had to buy all the gas going and coming and tolls and drive ?#$ the ususal. Well the trip down started real nice. My mother wore these raggedy shoes. We stopped and when I looked down I couldn't believe her it was like something told her to wear them for our safety or something so we all made her buy some shoes and we jokes about the shoes chasing the car then once the wedding came the drama came. IMy sister was coming out her mouth really twisted so bad that her sons looked sideways saying ma! Being old fashioned I wore a gown nothing fancy, I thought both my mother and sister could have represented a little better but I kept my mouth shut. Well at the reception I was finally ready to roll in the dirt with my sister. My nephew who drove us to the place refused to drive back. I had previously asked hime to be the d=esingnated driver so I could cock my tail at my son's wedding. I even started to sit away from them, nephew came and told me how bad it would look. It was very stressful. I think weddings and funerals bring out the truth of people. I told my sister to enjoy this ride because it was the last one she would lhave on me. I even pulled over once and started to put them out but I couldn't do that to my mother. I should have. My gut was screaming.!! Its amazing, and as usuall I would end up being the bad girl.
Even in the wedding party when my nephew refused to drive them, I'm driving and stuff was said I hit the brakes the rest of the cars went around us looking at us all funny. That was when I started to put them out. Then I had to call and get directions how to get back to the house. Its was sad but I did not dissapint my son. The head of the wife's family was a little siddidy ity tyti. Had just sold her house in queens and moved to south Carolina next door to her 2nd daughter. We were all split. My mother had no clue so I went sat next to her and listen to her boast about new house and how she didn't want no company. I said I don't like company neither. My son was like mommy I am so glad you broke the ice.
Im sitting there with all that transpired in jealousy and hatred between me and my mother and then on the way back my mother saying over and over its all my fault. Her way of brainwashing the dumb fools more against me. nWhile I am speeding to get the car back so I don't have to pay extra money ahrrh!!!
But it was all for my son. He went to Iraq serveral times and when he came back he was so disappointed that none of them responded to family events he planned except one time. Its so sad.
Like Stacey,... I hope I am half the woman you are if I live to see 80. No wonder you are so full of wisdom and understanding. :) (((((Hugs)))))))) uhmma (kiss)! From my heart to yours!
REalestate in my area is going up and crazy. So people are buying these house for way too much money and renovating them and selling them. The whole neighborhood is changing the face is changing. Anyways I live between two houses where the owners are renovating. On the right he did the second floor last year and the mice came in like crazy. Then when they tear up the street to repave or do work in sewer or electric they come in. Now on the right he is doing top floor. They came and drove me crazy. I am half blind and it terrifies me when I see something run cross room or in corners. So I caught them on traps, bought this 40 dollar spray that did nothing, bought two types of poison. some times it work sometimes not. I just got it down to seeing one mouse every few days scurrying out of my view. Now they starting work on left side. In winter they come into the house. Any tips, solutions, advice would be greatful.
Gratulerer med dagen 🍰☕️🎉🎈
Tusen takk
Yes the wedding was perfect. I was not about to have Mom spend money on one day for me. I have never been one of those gals who had to be "Pretty Princess" for a day and go through months of agonizing for this "show" of (everyone look at me!) I don't like being the center of attention, I get uncomfortable and it is just not who I am. I am a practical gal and even when I was young and pretty, that still was not one of my life long dreams. I am always flabbergasted on the amount of money and trouble people go through just for a day and a ceremony that's over so fast. Maybe it's because I was raised more by brothers, who knows, I was more of a "Tom Boy" anyway. I was never a typical little girl. I was horse crazy though! ❤️🐎🐴
The most popular cake at my wedding was a pumpkin cheesecake. I got married on Halloween, my favorite holiday next to Christmas.
I love Autumn, my favorite season so husband proposed to me on Halloween a year before and said, "A year from today." I was fine with that! I gave away most of the other goodies and left over cakes to the straggler guests and that was that! A good, practical wedding, people came and went as they pleased. One of my neighbors I grew up with who is very Catholic was having trouble processing my "way of doing things." No photographer, No invitations or RSVP's, no family except Mom, me catering my own get together, no wedding cake, no rules, just come if you want, enjoy some goodies, and leave when you want. I think I hate the obligatories so much, I had the anti-obligatory casual get together. Heck, I was outta my dress as soon as I got home because it was time to get food ready to set out! LOL!!! How could I enjoy myself wearing a restrictive dress? I wouldn't change a thing except wish we could have gone on a honeymoon. Couldn't because we could not leave Mom alone and could not trust anyone to care for her, our cats, the property, etc. So, almost 4 years later after getting married, still no honeymoon, because I had to go straight into caregiving. *Sighs* That's what I get for waiting so long to get married.
Mice. Not scared of em, they have never been an issue, I used to keep my seed envelopes in a cookie tin, I used the tin for something else, cookies for someone, without even thinking about it, I just left them loose. Don't ever do this I just learned. So, you keep anything enticing in airtight containers and that will do it. No more food, they go elsewhere. Boy will they be disappointed tonight! If they dare to venture outside of those cabinets, they have two Bengal cats to contend with and good luck with that! 😼
Roaches I would have a huge issue with! Call an exterminator.
I have three cats, so no mice that I can tell, but I bought my daughter some electric mouse traps from AMazon ($20. each, but they work) and they are zapping them quite effectively.
On a funny note, one of the news channels here posted to their instagram account to message them with questions about the eclipse. One person asked "why did they pick Wyoming?" Can you imagine?
The mouse was one of those little wood mice that come in in the fall when the weather turns cold. A couple of weeks after incident with PJ My son had a girl visiting at the house. She had taken her shoes off at the front door. The cats put a dead mouse in her shoe. She was from Maine and knew they came in at the first sign of cold weather.
They are just giving you a gift, in their own weird way!!!! LOL!!! One of my boyfriends cats who loved me used to leave me beheaded rats at the bedroom door 😳 So I would praise him and without him seeing me, dispose of his (gulp) gift. Nothing like opening the doot first thing in the morning and accidentally kicking something you knew was a dead something. My cats are indoor cats because they are bengals. I can't imagine the amount of corpses of dead thing we would have piled up since they are such good hunters. Their is also a lot of wildlife right outside our door that could potentially harm them too so having them inside avoids a lot of potential disasters.
ali glad you had a good time even if you suffered a bit. Seems to be part of camping
duck - so sorry you are fighting "critters" as well as the family issues.
rainey - you ARE very practical. Good for you! Bengals are beautiful!
glad - that deserves something like a Darwin award!
upset - that is a funny story. Cats seem to know when the moment is particularly ripe. You have known PJ a long time. I have a much more embarrassing story about my first camping trip with R early in our relationship. I do hope the child caregivers back off - seems inane to me.
My cat story: Mother was coming to visit, so on the day she was to arrive I went upstairs to do a last check of her bedroom and make sure everything was OK before I went to work. She was a spotless housekeeper. I came downstairs to the kitchen and found myself ankle deep in downy soft, grey feathers. The cat, a large tabby, was a great hunter and had obviously caught a bird and brought it inside. I swept up the feathers and fruitlessly looked for the carcass, which I never did find. He must have taken it out again. I was so concerned that he had hidden it in her bed, as that was the kind of thing cats do, but fortunately, he didn't.
It wasn't a good visit. Mother had insisted in coming up even though I had said it was not a good time for me, and then she refused to leave unless I drove her back. That was the last time she came to my house. I made sure of it.
You unfortunately have to check EVERYONE these days. Gone are the days of hiring professionals and trusting them to "do their job right" with anything. Even grocery baggers can't seem to understand not to stack heavy things on bread or eggs, jeez! Nobody trains people properly, they throw them into the deep end and say "Swim," while the customers end up paying for it. Laziness, lack of training, lack of integrity,lack of common sense, all of the above! It is getting frustrating because you have to go over everyone's work for them even though you are paying them to do a job! A $16,000.00 gaff IS significant!
It never ends. Same thing here, no matter who we hire (unless we know them) we have to watch them like hawks. Check contracts, make sure they are doing and have done what they agreed to do for the price they agreed to do it for. It's maddnening. That is why both husband and I agreed no more projects for the rest of the year until next year when spring rolls around again. It wears you out! Now I am fighting with Mom's financial advisor. We had a great one, he recently retired and the firm he passed everyone's account to is not even close to how good he was. Promises me this and that, so far, nothing. Constantly cancels and reschedules meetings, I am not impressed.
On to happier things, I hope you enjoyed your B-day! Someone should have spoiled you because you deserve it! Today is much nicer so far than yesterday was. Maybe I will work in the garden a bit. How's your Mom handling things?