notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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Sharyn, I actually shipped bread and a 3 layer red velvet cake to Iraq during the war. FedEx had a special price for boxes going to servicemen and women for Christmas. I packed the cake with dry ice to keep the cream cheese icing fresh.
upset - I will have eyedrops to put in for a few days before the op and then afterwards. I had planned to do that for myself. I put antibiotic ointment in my eye last year as I got ash in my eye during evacuation from the forest fire. It doesn't seem like a difficult thing to do. Am I missing something? Very nice for your bro to have that stuff from your dad. Most interesting! Home baked bread and cinnamon rolls - doesn't get better than that! Well, maybe red velvet cake!
stacey - Oh my goodness - just No, No, No, all down the line. What a con artist, though not very artistic about it. He can't share POA - only fil can make changes in that and I very much doubt he is able to now or would want to. Totally agree with not answering the calls. It is all BS. What sil said was very revealing. I am so sorry you have this to deal with on top of caring for fil. Vent away!!! (((((((hugs))))))
Monster headache again this morning - sinuses. This is the time of year I am allergic to grasses etc. I suppose I should be on antihistamines. Naproxen is helping a lot. R is on his way, so I better get out to shop.
Re having help for things, in the winter I went out to lunch with dd and a friend of hers who works with seniors. As we walked to the restaurant she grabbed my arm, and I thought, "Oh, she must be concerned about falling." Talked with dd afterwards and friend was "helping me!" I didn't need the help. I could use some help with cleaning the house - 6 bedrooms is a bit much now and I do rely on R and others for the gardening.
upset - I don't look or act my age. It's the longevity genes. I'll put up my pic as my avatar taken last year during evacuation.
Hard to believe that we are actually finally going off for a few days break. I haven't been that far south in the province for years and years and years. We each have separate appointments Friday ,and then together will meet with the AB health lady, and mother regarding options for mother's move. Private rooms are available (according to online sources) at about the same as she is paying now. and she will need one. It will allow for a few more of her personal things too, I think. I will be glad once this move is over and can be pretty sure there won't be another one. I hate that she will likely be upset by this. The "girls" there take good care of her despite the meds mixup.
You look great!!!! Good genes run in the family! Been busy in the garden today, planted a Crepe Myrtle Tree and a Veronica Bush. Just making homemade meatballs for spaghetti tonight. So, I gotta take time later and really read everyone's posts. Been going since this morning!
Stacey,
I knew this would happen with your BIL, I knew it!!! Even though what you are doing is noble, I knew he would make your life h*ll having FIL in your house. You can cyber kick me for saying this but leopards don't change their spots. Like vultures circling, here they come. Stay strong and do not let them in unless they are being watched every second! The one thing I can be thankful for is when Mom is actively dying and if she is here, neither of my brothers can enter "our house" since Mom has her own private cottage so they cannot come and access our things. I am sure they will be going through all her belongings as soon as they can. The badbro will be worse than the other for sure. I think I will pack up a box of all the cheap plastic trinkets they gave her over the years and hand them back to he and his wife. Probably not totaling more than 30 dollars! LOL!
I hope you enjoy your trip South, getting all your appointments completed for both you and R, are able to get your Mom's living arrangements set up, and even squeeze in some time for enjoyment and sightseeing! I Love a good car trip, my favorite way to travel!
UpsetSister, if I weren't married, I would marry you myself! That PJ of yours better snap you up, before somebody else does, Lol! Give me his number and I'll set him straight! We have a brand new Senior Services Center opening up real close to our home. They have an Awesome Caregivers Support division too! Their name is Homage Senior Services, Lynnwood Washington, and you should check it out online. It is a little late for what I've got going on here at the moment, or maybe not, but as a Senior, I will surely check it out, and hope to participate in their loss and grieving support group here soon.
I have never utilized any grief support in the past, when we lost our other 3 parents so close together, we immediately jumped into caring for my FIL in our home, so I stuffed my feelings and dived right back into work and life. I am lucky to come from a very large and loving family, so we all leaned onto one another and somehow got through it, some better than others! My fave sister still struggles to this day, now 13/14 years later! Maybe we can go together!
SharynM, I'll bet you are finding a whole new host of critters, birds and bugs in your new town! I hear you had a great Eclipse showing!
Almost, so glad to hear that you are having your final goodbyes to your Dad, and are able to honor him in a way that suits you best! Getting counseling for Dysfunctional families is all important, especially after the loss of your Dad. It will give you good skills on how to detach, distance, and protect yourself and your protect your feelings , and that of your girls too! All healthy ways to forge ahead in life!
I Love Ebay too! And collecting silly things from your childhood years is right up my alley! I had a button/badge maker when I was a kid, and I found the exact same one brand new on Ebay, so I bought it, and have had a blast making them with my Grandies! We have bought good old Marbles, and now our 7 year old Grandson is into collecting them. EBay can be dangerous to your pocketbook, as it so easy to get caught up in the auctions! Watching the countdown clock and hitting Last Bid at just the right moment, So exciting! You win some and you lose some, but there is always another bargain to be had around the next corner, Lol!
Hope everyone is doing great! Take Care All!
We have more mosquito activity here, very little flea issue re pets, still have flies, lol!!
We went to the state fair today with our dd and family. The boys rode on horses in a merry go round with dd and sil walking beside them. E loved it, he was so happy. L, not too much but wasn't going to let his brother out do him. When we came home, we could see that someone had been in our backyard by the mud prints in the bed by the fence. I don't know if a ball came back here or just why someone was here, but it makes me uncomfortable. Nothing is missing.
I fixed dinner at PJ's. Another grandson headed to college. This one headed to GA. Only 3 left after tomorrow. The crowd is dwindling. And two of the three left aren't with him all the time. I think he's missing the big gang he used to have. Strange, but I miss them too.
How's your Mom?
I have been an E-bayer since year 2000. Yes, very dangerous but I have also been able to get things I would never have been able to get in any store and the deals I have gotten are pretty amazing too!
I have also obtained things for a few hundred dollars that are now being auctioned off for thousands years later! 😉
I have a good eye for art. I am also an Amazon gal too! I get things for so much less than retail, I do it for survival too. I gotta be a smart shopper because now that I am not able to work anymore, the necessities like shampoo, hygiene stuff, stuff for Mom, I can obtain for reasonable $$. Also, having it delivered instead of running around store to store to come up empty handed. Love it!
Hope you forgive me about the BIL comments, it just makes me so upset after hearing all about him and knowing he would do anything to take advantage of this unfortunate situation. 😥
stacey - I am just a crazy old woman who won't be put in a box. I like car trips too. We will go a few miles for sure. You are right - Ebay can be dangerous to the pocket book.
sharyn - what fun with the boys!!! I would not feel good about footprints in my flower bed either. I have never had a bamboo plant. Are they easy to grow?
upset thx. Mother, sis and I all don't look our ages. Awww - I bet PJ misses them and I can understand that you do too. Bet they love your cooking. I agree with Stacey - PJ should snap you up while you are still available!!! You are doing a wonderful thing for those caregivers!!! You ARE making it happen.
R arrived and my quiet house is bursting with flurries of activity. He drove for 6 hours, had supper when he arrived, mowed the lawns, picked chokecherries (he likes me to get juice from them) and had me busy on the computer for several hours getting some documents ready for tomorrow. It is just about to settle down now.
Have a good night all.
Other than the last shopping incident which made me decide to leave her at home from now on to avoid the dirty looks from people who have no idea, I had to gently chastise her for not putting her leg up enough as it is blowing up rapidly from her being on her feet too much. She has severe lymphadema in her lower leg. Tomorrow I will have to compression wrap her again because of that. I usually like to give her a 5 day break with her velcro wraps between full compression but she must put her legs up on the special pillow wedge I got for her for an hour 2 times a day. Other than that, it's same ol stuff. Her picking up leaves one at a time, one pine needle at a time. So sad, we used to work in the yard together and we would make a great team! Now, she spends her time doing pointless stuff but hey, whatever floats her boat, aye?
It's hard because I am still all about efficiency, get as much done as quickly as I can because working all day in the yard now makes me incapacitated the next few days with my arthritic back.
Not to mention all the housework, cooking, cleaning, vacuuming, cat sitting, laundry, etc.
Now you are a powerhouse! I am amazed by all you do and get accomplished, I am so proud of you and how selfless you are. You are a supreme juggler and I wish I could do half as much as I used to. How you handled your last family nightmare with such grace and no tolerance for BS, I was so impressed. I see you shining now, you are an amazing woman. I look forward to hearing about all your new accomplishments as your dysfuctional family finally dissapears in the rear view mirror! I am jealous!
You make a great point. I always worry about what my psycho brother will try to pull on me next but if he is willing to risk everyone knowing he sexually and physically abused me as a child and I have all of this on paper, in his hand writing admitting what he did, well then go ahead and roll those dice!!!! His writings also clearly show he is not playing with a full deck so I have saved all of his crazy rants just in case, even sent copies to Mom's sister. So, if he decides to call "Elder Abuse" on me, he will be exposed. If he tries to drag me into court if he feels the Will/Trust is not fair, I will show all his psycho rants and tell them EVERYTHING including extorting money from his Mom with dementia. I cannot see anyone siding with a person that destoyed so much of my life and still won't let up. If I was rich, I would file a harrassment suit against him. But, now he has been quiet. I know this is just a hiatus, but I will try to enjoy it while it lasts! He never stays quiet for very long and the holidays are coming so you know that is just another reason for his guilt filled cards of hate he sends talking about God, Jesus, Mary and how the priest has cleansed him of his sins and now it's all my fault. *Sighs* I really get miffed when people USE God to make you feel bad and hide behind a false sense of rightousness. He will say how much the Lord forgives and I NEED to forgive him or God won't let me into Heaven, then proceeds to verbally bash me in every hateful way you can imagine. Does that sound like a someone who truly is sorry for his actions?
The reason I ask is that, if he was old enough to know what he was doing, and you have reliable evidence of it, you should take it to the police anyway. Otherwise you're knowingly leaving at large a person who could pose a risk to others and choosing instead to use this information as leverage over him.
Oh he knew what he was doing. He was 12, I was 7. He made me drink alcohol to try to dull my mind and then he tried telling me he had me under hypnosis so "it wasn't really happening." Does that sound like innocent childhood curiousity? Sounds premeditated to me! Also, this was not just a couple times that it happened. He was also physically abusive and I spent much of my childhood very afraid of him. That is how I was kept silent. I did tell Mom and she did not want to believe it. So after that disaster, I stayed quiet until I was about 21. Then I brought it up in the heat of anger and it blew up in my face again. Mom turned her back on me again. Another total disaster!
I cannot do anything about it now because there is a statute of limitations on reporting this, I am way, way past that. He is now married, has a little girl and thankfully lives with his wife's parents in the home as well. I have made his wife aware of what he did to me but all she had to say was, "Can't you just forgive him?" When I said "No" because he isn't truly sorry, she has never spoken another word to me. Not that I care about that, but in the very beginning of their marriage, she called me in tears several times and asked me to meet her so she could cry to me about how verbally abusive he was to her, my answer was always the same, "Annul the marriage and get away." She chose to stay so not my problem if she has to put up with him now.
I got all my fine china on E-bay years ago, got the completer set, brand new, platter, large bowls, cream and sugar that retailed for over 200 for 30! Mom was shocked. I bought a stained glass lamp for a couple hundred and now I see lesser sized (by same maker) going for thousands now! I am an art junkie too, as well as a plant junkie! I guess I just love beauty in all forms! Mom used to call my room "The museum" because I always collected art in all forms and mediums. I went to art school for Interior Design. It just runs through my blood, that is why I love hearing about old furniture, remodeling, all that fun stuff! To me, it is just exciting. I went to a Tiffany, Lalique, Faberge exhibit in SF. WOW! I just about lost my mind in all the beauty and intricate detail. I went twice!
Build some shelves around the upper portion of the wall/s and display away!
I do have quite a few Stephen King books but never read his wife's, I confess I did not know she wrote as well. Tell me some of her books and I will look for them. Another reason I love Amazon, I can afford my reading habit!! LOL!
Trim the ends once a year. DONE! 😉
Upset,
Would LOVE to see the King's house on Halloween, bet he really does a great creepy job! I bet there are millions of us horror novel aficionados who wonder the same thing. 😉 I am not surprised they are super generous folks either.
Up until about 1988, the family dressed up and handed out candy. But then he acquired a stalker and someone actually went into the house. Now they have security. My son played Little League All Stars with one of their sons. Her mother lived down the street from us. I love her writing. Their home is a huge Victorian that they keep adding onto. I think there are photos of it online. Both of their sons are writers. Their daughter Naomi is Unitarian-Universalist minister. She used to write and had a big on line minister. She has had a degenerative illness for years and is rarely heard from. She's been wheelchair bound for years. It's rumored now that she is much, much worse and that is one of the reasons her mother doesn't write much.
That is so sad! The daughter. 😥 Also sad, a stalker had to ruin the experience of Halloween, just takes one! What is wrong with people? We have a lot of celebs around here, I would never dream of encroaching on them in anyway, I am not a "fan" type personality anyway. One day, a former employer and I were having lunch and after we were done, we were outside saying goodbye and Carlos Santana pulls up in one of my favorite BMW models. I knew who he was and simply complimented him on his car because it was absolutely gorgeous! He was very gracious and replied, "Yes, I am a very fortunate man!" That was it. My former employer has his mouth agape and say's to me after he left, "Do you know who that was!?!?!" I said, "Yeah, I've seen him before, not a big deal." Maybe I just see them as talented people instead of "celebrities." They are people just like the rest of us and have capitalized on their talents and shared them with the rest of us to enjoy. Good for them! 😊 But for goodness sake, I wish folks would just leave them alone if they are out just trying to live their lives, especially on their own properties!
I will look into Tabitha's books, thanks for the info!