notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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That is the plan, as both hubs and I have decided that we do wish to start over, once all of this is done.
Hubby has given me free reign on purchasing new furnishings, and I'm definitely changing it up! Out with my Burgundy furniture, and old English Huge wall covering oil paintings of cottages and English country scenes, that I bought at one of those "starving Artist Sales", they are beautiful and I'll probably keep my 2 favorites for the spare bedroom, but they are super big! I'm thinking a nice blue gray couch set or sectional, or something light. My old style was Nana's English cottage, and I'm over it!
New coffee tables, bookcase, tea cart, pictures for the walls, I'm going all out, and I'll probably buy most of it on Ebay or Amazon. I've got it all figured in my head, and have been taking screen shots of items to accessorize our new place, it is exciting to think ahead on these things, like newlyweds! Lol!
Men, my hubby is a going Concern, always juggling several projects at one time, and always trying to wrangle me into something!
Today he wants me to sort and downsize all of my Christmas decorations, that I've been collecting for so long, as there is no way we could ever put out or utilize the many decorations that I have. I've offered many to my kids, and was surprised that they aren't interested, as the wish to collect "their style", and I understand this, still I will hold on to the sentimental ones they made as children, and just deliver them during the season, that way they won't be able to turn me down, Lol!
Opps, I'm being summoned, so gotta go! Laters!
She lost her Mum on August 10th, very suddenly, so I hope that was a blessing. She didn't have time to chat, but did say the services were being held tomorrow, so she is quite busy, and very emotional, as one would expect.
Prayers for Jude, during this trying time! Thanks all! Stace
When I was taking care of my Mom, if I tried to read, she would throw a tantrum like a two-year old. Now for whatever reason I can't read for enjoyment. Wish I could. I used to enjoy books so much.
Rainey, actually we have an upper shelve in the master bedroom that is part of the wall, ( does that make sense)! I have the cameras there, along with a picture of a stagecoach with horses, a bronze statue of a cowboy on a horse(this was given to my mom when she retired from Wells Fargo), and an Indian doll. I still have room, I may check out some antique shops for more cameras!!!
There ya go! Persue those passions!
That's terrific! Can I borrow you out here for a while???? LOL!!!!
Upset: fantastic job of pulling together all those resources for free! Also, kudos to those resources for recognizing the value to the community by their donations.
I also enjoy reading but have trouble concentrating through the first few chapters. I have several unread books on my kindle. Maybe this winter.
Idaho is looking for a lost weather balloon. Any nearby states, keep your eyes open, lol!!
Stacey, we had 99.2% coverage ( our area) during the eclipse. Yes, it was exciting to watch it!!
Check out pintrest for ideas, I love that website! You can look up anything you can think of and create different folders with different subjects and I save all kinds of pictures of ideas for the house! Lots of fun!!!!
My Mom had no real dietary restrictions and food budget wasn't an issue. But she made constant demands regarding food. She had to have everything at an exact time. She had to have so many things on her plate. If she had a salad, it had to have a certain number of things in the salad. One woman reported her dad made demands for expensive foods that are totally outside of the family budget. I know that many of my Mom's issues were simply her totally self-centered personality and her desire to manipulate me.
Food issues are going to be our topic next week. Anybody have any good techniques on how to deal with food issues?
Another food centered problem some were having is their parent with food restrictions sneaking and eating foods off their diets or tantrums about a caregiver not giving them the foods they want. Any suggestions appreciated. I have a geriatric nutritionist from the hospital coming to speak on geriatric nutritional needs, but I'm finding little literature dealing with the psychological spectacle of food and the elderly. I think this is a case where frontline experience is more helpful.
In terms of the "fads" it has to be up to you whether or not you indulge them. Some fads I indulged - my mother had few enough pleasures - others I let go by the board; but either way you don't have to argue about it, just don't do it if you feel it's ridiculous and take the complaints on the chin.
Mom a different story. Sugar was her enemy and I believe she was addicted. Much like a little kid a sugar high, then the crash. She always wanted more and more candy, tomatoes sprinkled with sugar, sugar on her fruit, yes even sliced bananas. So, sliced tomatoes were eliminated from her diet because the issues caused by the sugar she had to have on them. Candy in the house became the sugarless variety. Substitutions that satisfied her urging were the solution. Ice cream was another problem. Mom was allergic to dairy and it caused severe intestinal issues with her. Only ice cream became non-dairy, but then there was the sugar problem. Had to hide frozen treats in the freezer.
Sugar consumed by mom caused agitated behaviors whenever she ate it. She wanted more? No, mom you have had enough, more agitation. Auntie dearest once said to me that mom had lived a long time and deserved to have what she wanted to eat. I disagreed, telling her yes, that is true unless it causes problems for L or I as the caregiver. This is very true, IMHO.
Meal time consistency is very important for the elderly with or without dementia. They have lived a long time and those that are competent have their routines of a lifetime which will be nearly impossible to change. And schedule and routine for those with dementia, I do not need to remind you all how important it is.
My mother was on hospice the last 3 months of life, still talking with no dietary issue ( Alzheimer's), the care faculty by law has to offer balanced diets. I suggested if she wants pancakes 3 x's a day, why not give it to her. They said they couldn't.
controlling sugar and salt can be a big issue when the elder refuses to cooperate.
Most of my mother's and my disagreements are about the thermostat and about food. She may want some more sugar free cookies or crackers, but I know she's already eaten too many. Then I think that she is old and should be able to enjoy things. But it isn't just her who suffers from her high blood sugar levels when she over-indulges.
I get stuck in a position of not buying the cookies and crackers and facing the Wrath of Mom, or buying them and having her sneak them like a naughty child. She knows she's not supposed to be having them, so she'll hide them if she sees me. If I say anything, she attacks me verbally. If I don't say anything, I feel negligent. Later she'll say she doesn't know why her blood sugar is at 350. It must be an infection and she probably needs to see a doctor, she says. I know it's just that she can't quit snacking. I know people will think I should stop buying them or lock them away, but that just makes my own life miserable with her attacking me. I wish my mother was a normal person. Caregiving wouldn't be so difficult.
My grandma always "envied men" their freedoms over women. Back in her day, it was much more than it is now and I think she would have wanted to be born a man for that very reason. She wanted to have THAT freedom and not be the "put upon wife." She used to love to sing Johnny Cash in that low voice of his and I just always believed if she had it her way, she would rather have been born a man and a cowboy at that! Not a transgender thing, it was their freedoms and lifestyle she would have rather had. Anyway, she did very well as a woman knowing that is just how God made her so she was an excellent cook, a great Mom and a great Grandma. Too bad she only got to occasionally visit us for the summers. She was such a great lady and very proper!
Diet. Ughhhhh. Mom eats terribly and I just resigned that I am not gonna win that war and let her have what she wants. She is not outlandish, almost cheap in most aspects in her wants but she does have her certain things she can't seem to do without. Chocolate Ice Cream. Every darn night gotta have that ice cream! Oh, and it has to be Haagen Daaz or however it's spelled. She is a sugar hound! Cookies, candies, Ice cream, little Dark Dove Chocolates, she never over does any of these things but she panics when she is running low. Regular food is second to all her sugary treats. I have battled with her over and over that eating frozen entrees all the time is not exactly "healthy" but she loves them and the amounts. Whatever. I am so done arguing, she can eat whatever she wants. A lot of elders lose their taste buds and sugar is what they can really taste and enjoy so not abnormal she has gotten worse as a sweet tooth, though she always had the bug, it has become way worse. She is not diabetic, she is not over weight, so I just shrug and let her have her treats. If it makes her happy and it is not harming her, I have larger battles to deal with!
The elderly do lose their sense of taste and go for sweets, so I have been told.
Time to plant, hydrangea arrived!!!
I also love your comment about sneaking like a "naughty child." That is absolutely what it is like all the time with Mom. I tell her not to do certain things for REASONS, such as safety, (that being #1) and others because she is not doing whatever it is correctly. She loves to strip her daylilies of any slightly imperfect looking leaf, I have told her a thousand times they are "doing a job" and giving nutrients back into the plant so you get more flowers and not to pull them unless they easily pull away. Does she listen? Never. I regret even planting them for her because she fixates on them when there are tons of other things she could be doing in her garden and they get ignored. She leaves the spent flower stems though! LOL!!!!! It is enough to make me nuts at times. She is like a naughty child and will say things to me like, "why you had to come over right now" which tells me she is aware of what I have asked her "not to do." Another example is because we are fair skinned and she is a red head, we are both skin cancer waiting to happen. I already found melanoma on her arm and discovered it immediately so she survived that one. But for years I have begged her to wear a hat out in the sun when she is gardening. Does she? No! I think she is more concerned with the possibility of wrecking her perfect hairdo. Then we recently went to her dermatologist. I asked him in front of her whether she should be wearing a protective hat (which I bought for her YEARS ago) and he said "Oh absolutely, listen to your daughter!" I told him she never does listen to me and so he took out his prescription pad and wrote, "WEAR A HAT!" Now...... she puts it on. Imagine that! Maddening!!!! Yesterday gardening, she comes out and asks if she can help. Then she proceeds to do exactly what I told her not to do and she laughs!!!! It's like living with a sneaky, disobedient teenager. She is certainly paying me back for my teenage years in spades!!!!
Have fun! I whopped a bunch of my sunburned mop heads down yesterday!
Your a Dove fan too? I love it as well but only have it sparingly and occasionally. I don't buy a lot of sugary sweets because husband is a diabetic and he was a sugar hound, so it just tortures him to see it and not be able to have it. 😉
I dug up the red twig dogwoods and they are gone. No one wanted them, lol!!! So far in the front, I planted irises, geraniums, mums and the hydrangea. In 2 eeeks I should get the echinacea, lavender and rudbeckia.