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(((((upset)))))) Sometimes the load is particularly heavy. Glad you had a good visit and a laugh with your friend but sorry that she needs to be on hospice. It is good you met with the other therapists. You need to be support to one another. I think all caregivers struggle with some things - some more, some less. Take care of you!
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I had to put my dear friend Macy down this morning. She was not able to stand, she hasn't eaten much in two weeks, she had just lost all strength because of the bad hip. She looked like she was getting better, I was wrong. But, mom and especially L are waiting for her. How he loved that dog!
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(((((((glad))))))) so, so sorry. Macy has been with you through it all. Losing a pet is very hard. They are family members. You have had so many losses the past few years. She is out of pain now and with LOs. Look after you. I know you will miss her dreadfully.
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I'm so sorry Glad!! I know it is for the best to end her suffering but it is heartbreaking to say good bye to our loving pet family.
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Upset, I'm so sorry to hear about the desperation that the caregiver felt. It really underlines that we as caregivers need to find the balance of care for others and ourselves. Folks who are serious about suicide often don't disclose their plans to someone who can prevent it. It also reminds me that the person that we are fighting so hard to keep out of nursing home will be there if we go down without help. Hugs to you and be careful not to be swept away with this tide given your last year....
Glad, just hugs. This year has been brutal. My son's dog has liver disease and we've staved it off for 8 months, but she quit eating again two days ago. My heart just hurts this week.
Please everybody take care of yourselves. This community has been such a support to me for over 6 years and even those who no longer post as their journey moved on may someday come back. And if they don't that's ok. Peace out.
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upset - I meant to respond to your alcohol and chocolate comment. There have been a few times in my life when I wished that alcohol "did it" for me, but it doesn't. And in the long run, and probably short run, that is good. Now chocolate is another thing. It helps. I like the statement that "Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is."

guest - I am sorry for all the stresses you have had and still have. Granddogs are family too.

Today I have to drink 4 cups of water one hour before my ultrasound appointment. I am more concerned about my body's ability to hold the water, than I am about the results of the ultrasound. I think 3 1/2 cups will do. I just don't want to flood the table. Oh, the indignity!!! Maybe I better bring some extra clothing - just in case.😉 Then I go for a bone density test. That should be easy.The only requirement is no metal above the waist. I can do that.
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Glad, I'm so sorry about Macy, but at least she is no longer in pain. I know that is small consolation to you on the loss of your loving companion.

I called the funeral home this morning. The body still had not been claimed. I called her husband to ask if anyone was going to. He said he didn't have the money because they had been barely scraping by since she quit her job to take care of her mother. I went to the funeral home and arranged a very simple burial with graveside service. I know the man who owns the cemetery and he donated the plot. Called and got the minister at my church to perform the service. I placed a memorial on the town FB page and said that donations were being accepted at the funeral home. I couldn't think of anything else to do and I hated the thought of her body being unclaimed. I've done all I can for her. I called her husband and said the service would be at 10:00. I've done all I can.

Golden, Good luck with testing. I'd probably be floating in my car if I drank that much water at one time.
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Hugs Guest!! So hard and maybe it's just me, this last year has been rough.
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upset - yes, you have done all you can and much more than most. I hope you feel some closure now. Under those circumstances, I don't think I could leave an unclaimed body either. It is sad that no sibs are in sight. The whole thing is very sad.

Floating is about right. I did a test run last week and held 3 1/2 cups for 1 1/4 hours. I hope there are no delays at the appointment desk. I don't want to have to repeat this.
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glad - thinking of you today without macy (((((((((hugs)))))))

and (((((((hugs)))))) also to upset. it has been a difficult week for you too.

Hope everyone in the projected path of Irma has plans for their safety, and also that anyone affected by fires stays safe.

The hacking of personal info is pretty unsettling too.

The tests went fine - let's hope the results are. The only blIp was that they had me booked for a mammogram which I had done 2 months ago, instead of the bone density. We sorted it out. Can't believe the number of errors in the medical system. My last regular thyroid meds script instructions marked on the bottle are to take it every second day. I have never done that and would be on a half dose if that were the case. I am taking it as usual. Someone goofed - I am betting on the pharmacy and have to get in there and talk to them about it. If it is my new doctor I am going to be very disappointed to say the least.

Fall leaves showing here - the yellows and golds. Don't like what lies ahead.

Have a good day everyone and do something good for you.
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Good everything went well for you Golden. Not fun holding all that liquid!! We are still in process of getting insurance as they want proof of residency, a utility bill from out of state address, letterhead from former insurance stating start date and ending date AND... at one time they wanted our California drivers license which had been taken by DMV here in Idaho!! Haah!! Everything but DNA ancestry!!

Air quality looks better but reports say still in the red. I see blue sky and clouds?? Bro in Montana is surrounded by fire and some with very unhealthy air quality near Glacier Nat'l Park. Irma is a horrendous storm! Hoping everyone on here who lives in the areas is safe. My great niece is staying and will probably experience catagory 2 in Gainesville.

Where is Rainey??

Back to sorting and unpacking. Good day all.
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Golden I missed what you were having the ultra sound for but glad everything went well.
I think I would just have worn a pair of Depends!
Upset you are to be greatly commended for what you have done for that family. Most people would have tut tutted and gone about their business. Good for you.

Glad so sorry to hear about Macy, she has been with you through the roughest of times. Maybe she felt her job was done
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Hi Everyone! Sorry I have been busy with lots going on around the house, husband took a mini vacation, it hit triple digit heat so was running around making sure Mom was staying hydrated and all my plants were OK. We have rats in our quasi basement area, never had that before! So, I have a lot to catch up on. Got the estimate today for dealing with the rats and damage to the insulation, cleaning, etc. Husband not happy with the cost, gotta get more estimates. Jeeeeeez, it's always something. 😣
We were hoping to replace the A/C next year but this will knock that out the realm of possibility. Having 90's to 110 degree heat really make you want A/C!!!
I also took a break because I got really upset at someones board question and realized I needed to step back. I should have just stuck with this one where all the best people are! I learned my lesson. No more diving into major emotionally charged issues. I get way too upset emotionally and it gets the better of me.
I am desperately trying to go down my list of "gotta do's" before winter gets here. October is my favorite month and I am hoping to enjoy it, not work my tail off and miss it. Got the shade garden planted FINALLY! Now, just need to add mulch on top and done. Lots of outside clean up still to do. This property is a lot of work trying to fix what the prior people let go for a very long time.
I am getting older, everytime I do a project that requires a lot of physical, I am in pain for days afterward.
So, sorry I had to take a break, busy and having to set myself back into the right head space again.
I will catch up on the posts so I am on track again with what has been going on with everyone.
*Hugs to all of you*
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sharyn - actually it went alright even though the tech was late. What you have to do to get insurance!!! Seems unreasonable. Our air quality here today is bad due to a fire 70 miles north of us. Your poor bro surrounded by fire and with bad air quality. I hear you about sorting and unpacking. I still have a lot of sorting to do.

veronica - you need to keep the bladder full!!! Depends won't help that. I did wear a little protection just in case. I have what I am sure is an ovarian cyst. The tech questioned me about my self diagnosis, initially, before she did the procedure, but honestly I have been aware of where my ovaries are for about 70 years and what they feel like. She was very friendly and chatty while she was doing it and asked how I kept myself in such good shape.

Hi rainey - you have a lot to deal with and have had so much heat. Hope you get rid of the rats quickly. Stepping back is a good idea at times. I know you are upset about the situation with your bro - with good reason. So glad you got the shade garden planted. Sorry about the aches and pains. They do come as we get older and try to keep up the same pace.

Just talked with the pharmacist about the script for my thyroid meds, and it was the dr who halved the amount. I had asked dr how my thyroid levels were and he said they were fine so it made no sense to change the drug dose. It was the first time he had prescribed synthroid for me so hopefully it is just an error. The pharmacist said to carry on as normal and he will get back to me.

Kind of looking forward to getting my cataracts dealt with. I will be the bionic woman by the time I am finished!

Have a good evening everyone!
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Rainey, Glad you're back. Rats are the worst. Hope you get them cleaned up and out quickly. Take care of yourself. Hope your Mom is doing well.
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Rainey, my tolerance level decreases for many threads too. I wonder why some have survived for so long. Some I wish I had never read. At least I realize fairly early. This thread is the best, though, truth be told, sometimes.....

Losing Macy, is harder than losing mom and L. With folks, knew it was coming for a long time. First hint that Macy's time was up was just two weeks ago. Now I will find out how much I really enjoy my own company. 
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Golden,
Yeah rats are icky, I was just floored how much to get rid of, clean up and replace the damage, about 5k! There goes my A/C! 😩
Upset, thanks! I have to catch up on everyone, Mom is doing alright for now.
Glad, so sorry about Macy! I was destroyed when I lost my little black cat, absolutely inconsolable so I understand! (Big Hug) 😥
I promise to catch up on everyone's posts later tonight when I have some quiet time.
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glad - love the quote - "The whole world is a bit strange except thee and me and I'm not so sure about thee." I don't mean you, of course. Very hard for you that Macy only showed her illness a few weeks ago. You must be in shock. (((((((hugs))))))

rainey - Whoa -that's a lot of money to get rid of the rats, but absolutely essential. Glad your mum is doing OK.

upset - it will take a while for you to get past the suicide. That was a violent means not typical of women.

Supposed to rain here tonight which would be good. It should clear some of the smoke.
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Ok, I have followed this since the day my care giving began. He died about two years ago and I am now older myself. It was SO hard care giving a loved one. I was exhausted most every minute of everyday. I am at the point now that I have had my house on the market and it sold right away full price. I moved to Texas just in time for the Hurricanes. I am now 75 and in excellent health. I am living in a cottage behind my son's home. I am already tired of them coming whenever they wish to visit me. I enjoyed my privacy. My mind is fine. BUT that could change at any moment. I read the posts and wonder if anyone who is complaining, realizes they too will be faced with "old age" soon. And, sooner than you think. I wish there was a website for people my age who need to "watch their back", when it comes to the kids who say they want to care for you. I trust my beautiful children. BUT, they could get sick of caring for me in a hurry. I have always been above average. I have tried VERY VERY hard to keep money in the account to cover my expenses. That could go in a hurry if God does not honor my wishes to go BEFORE my mind goes. I won't blame my kids for complaining and looking for help on a site like this. I just hope I don't come to my senses and read some of the anger that comes up at times. REMEMBER, you too will be dependent on someone for your care. We are living longer. NOTE: My Sister in Law, was a Doctor who worked and discovered some of the world's most wonderful possible cures for MS. She had ALL the money she needed and TWO HOMES in Boston. She was a Professor at a women's college and at U of M Medical. She was imprisoned with loss of her mind before she even retired. I felt SO sorry for her. You do not know where you stand on this disease. Do what you can to contribute to anyone trying to find a cure. But, in the meantime, pretend the loved one you are caring for is YOU.
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oregon - I remember you and your situation, I am sorry that your arrangement with your son is not working out. You sound angry and worried about your future. Most of us will need care at some point whether our mind "goes" or not. Some of us will get dementia and some of us won't and will die of other diseases.
This thread addresses the issues of dysfunctional families and that being the case it is not surprising to find anger expressed. However, it is also expressed on many other threads in Aging Care.
I know you miss your partner so very much. I am sorry for your loss and the changes it brought into your life
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Oregongirl, I'm not as nice as Golden. I notice that you often wag your finger at the caregivers in the group and tell them they are not being good enough caregivers. You expect a lot from caregiving children you don't even know. You talk angry at them. One thing to consider is if you do have trouble with your son backing away, it may be because you are wagging your finger in his face. Compassion works both ways.
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Hi all, I'm still catching up on reading this thread, and I'm on page 2618, so forgive me if I'm not yet UP TO DATE!

I just wanted to check in and let ya'll know what is going on in my little world, besides watching this crazy weather, aswe are still getting heavy smoke/smog from the fires burning in our state and No Oregon, and of course the Hurricane, which while fascinating to watch, I'ts horrible, the path of devastation it is leaving in its wake. Those poor poor souls who are stuck on hi ways leading out of town, and those who have already lost their homes and towns all over the Caribbean and The Virgin Isles! Now praying for Florida, and then there the next one following in Irma's footprints! Just Awful!

My FIL is hanging in there, although things they are a changing! He has a terrible Urinary tract infection, and now delirium and agitation to follow, so I suspect that Sepsis is setting in again.

Our Hospice Nurse Tara says that the school of thought is that we do not, will not use antibiotics to treat, and keep this at comfort care only.

There has been a big and distinctive change, just from yesterday, but we will see what tomorrow brings. He was calling out things
Like "I'm gonna stay home tonight", and "I don't want to go to school today", then he was wrestling with his covers, even tried to get out of bed, because he thought he needed to go to the bathroom, and he was shaking his head back and forth with his eyes glazed over, and running his hands through his hair and face.

It is all a bit disconcerting, a bit scary in all actuality, and I've had the Weekend Nurse on the phone who added Haldol, more Lorazepam, and now Morphine to settle him down. I sure hope it works! Oops, spoke too soon as he's calling out again! Grrr, I've given him enough medicine to knock Me out, and I don't know how he is fighting through it!

I have feeling it's going to be a long night! So that is my world in a nutshell! I'll try to catch up in the next day or so, and see what you all are up to! Love to you all! Stace
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((((staceyb)))) I am so sorry you are going through this. I thought UTIs were treated by hospice facilities as part of comfort care. Shows me all the things I don't know.
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Glad, I was So Sorry to hear about your Sweet Macy! I know that you had her for a good long time but still it must gave been very difficult, and I'm really sorry Sweetie! My sympathies are with you in your loss! Love Stacey B
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Ah, shoot. Well, just the top thing I thought of when I read this... "Do what you can to contribute to anyone trying to find a cure. But, in the meantime, pretend the loved one you are caring for is YOU." Pretend it was me that molested me as a child? Pretend it was me that abandoned 3 infants and wasn't a parent? I can't fathom committing those acts, and so I can't pretend that my father, who was my charge by my own naiveté plus choice, was ME. It adds another level of pain to be taking care of abusive parents. It adds another level to already difficult one-way giving of most caregiving situations.

This is the DYS thread. Perhaps your comment, Oregon, is more appropriate for other threads. This thread is mostly about people who are or were caregivers to dysfunctional family and the extra hurt that brings.

I don't think anyone who does caregiving for more than a year is without compassion for those we try very hard to help. It's too easy to walk away when things are difficult. I didn't walk away, though.  I dug in my heels and declared (by my actions, if not my words) that I was going to see this bad situation to its conclusion, come anything, for the purpose of bettering my father's life, and I did that. Honestly, I don't know I would've lasted another year... I thought of killing myself and my father so often... so I'm thankful that things progressed and I was able to get my father moved on.

And I'm truly apologetic that this contrarian bit is all you've heard from me in a week, DYS thread posters. I've been reading and I do have things to share but mostly I've had a stupid sinus infection since Tuesday. I never had these darn things before the house here and I'm crossing my fingers they go away when I move. Ack

Upset, I'm very sorry for your caregiver's suicide. I don't think any one thing or any one person is ever responsible in ANY way, except the person's decision that they choose to end life instead of make changes and get help. It's a very tough spot and I sympathize with her and with you, too. I'm glad you're trying to be of support to caregivers who need you. It's god's work, so to speak.
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Oh stacey - (((((hugs))))) I am sorry you (and fil) are having such a rough time. It does sound like he is going down hill seriously. That's a fairly heavy drug cocktail! Hope your night gets to be more peaceful.

jessie - my mother is on comfort care and they said they would treat any infections so I am surprised too. Maybe when sepsis occurs they figure it isn't worth it as it won't work anyway. My ex mil got to a point where no antibiotics helped.

ali - you explained caregiving in the dysfun fam well. " It adds another level of pain to be taking care of abusive parents." Absolutely! I could not imagine my mother being me or me being my mother, either. It is too big as stretch of the imagination. Oh gosh - sinus infections are horrible. Hope you have something to make it better and that those problems go away when you move, Looking forward to hearing more from you when you are up to it.

glad - thinking of you. I had my last dog, Matt for 14 years, and lost him 8 years ago. I still miss him

upset - thinking if you too and the sadness of it,
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Ali, I think her suicide was caused by a variety of circumstances, not just one thing. I know from past groups that I've facilitated that as a therapist I only get a thumbnail sketch of what a person is coping with. And as a caregiver in a dysfunctional family the stressors are many. I think you've done more for your father than many would have done in the same circumstances. I hope moving to your new apartment will solve the sinus infection problem.

Stacey, I can't imagine what you and your husband are going thru with your FIL and his illness. So difficult. You have my prayers for peace and comfort.

I'm taking a break from work on the center. PJ and I are taking the ferry from Bar Harbor to Halifax tomorrow. Going to drive back via Peggy's Cove and New Brunswick and will get back Monday.  No real itinerary. Taking the ferry to Halifax was one of my son's favorite road trips to buy Leaf Canadian sports cards growing up. He's 38 now and asked me to buy him some hockey cards on this trip. I don't think he has quite grown up. Everyone have a quiet weekend and take care of yourself.
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Stacey, ((((hugs)))) dear friend!!! So much for you and fil. I am so sorry and I'm hoping you can get some rest as he gets settled down.
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Oregon girl, I remember your situation with your partner and his adult children were giving you some grief. I am sure it is hard for you moving to a Texas and to be in a fish bowl of sorts with your son. No privacy or time to yourself. My thoughts are you need to set some boundaries about visiting since you are a very independent woman in good health. You are allowed to have a life of your own. Caregiving is difficult at best, it is tiring, isolating and in many cases the caregiver does not take care of self. Top that off with a parent who is abusive in their right mind... yes we get angry. Of course we get furious and we come here to this thread to vent safely without attacks.

I hope you can find a balance with your son/dil. I hope you can understand the need for a caregiver to have a safe place to go to for support.
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Jessie, treating the UTI is a personal choice, but our Nurse sited a prominent Hospice Dr from the U of Washington, and he said that he doesn't feel that treating UTI, in Cancer patients enhances their QOL, and often times only prolongs the inevitable to the point that they are then greatly suffering from the effects of the growing and painful Cancer and to what end. She likened it to Pneumonia being the Old Man's Friend. She said that there are many ways to keep him comfortable, and not treat with antibiotics. I tend to lean that direction as well, so unless there is a more plausible reason presented to us, then we are going to agree with her and this Dr, and go this route. I would hate to wait until his Cancer spreads even further to his lungs and  ribs bones, causing him  horrible breathing problems and then possibly travel into his brain, the next likely place it would go,  and have to deal with all sorts of awful symptoms, if this scenario takes him swiftly and painlessly, then I am all for it, as we don't wish for gim to suffer months on end,  But I am most certainly open to hearing more from those with experience on these things! The whole darn thing is just awful, no matter how you slice it!
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