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sharyn - good point about drugs acting atypically in some seniors

glad - that was scary about your mum's agitation being increased.

upset - 37 hours!!!! Whoa!

jessie - what a boon that it keeps your mum calm. That is all that matters now.

stacey - he is still asleep - great. Hope you and hub had a good sleep too. Looks like the latest combo is working. I think Veronica is right that the end is not far off. A looker of a male nurse is always a bonus. That woke you up, I bet!

Thankfully I can take ativan and do occasionally for sleep. It worked like a charm when I went for the ultrasound and needed a full bladder. I didn't feel any urgency to go after drinking the required  4 cups of water an hour before the appointment -and then the tech was late.

Very cool here today. Feels like the first day of fall. Hope the tiny tomatoes keep growing. I will start up a fire in the fireplace later. Feels like comfort food time - grilled cheese sandwiches and home made tomato soup.
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Stacey, we are all praying and thinking about you, your hubby and family...((((hugs))))
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Thank you Glad and Golden. My mom took Ativan the last few days of life with no bad effects. Many can, others cannot

We are much cooler too, air is a lot better. My bro in Montana said they are better too. I've been following Irma. The news junkie and fascination in hurricanes that is part of me. Not the destruction but the force of nature and unpredictability of nature. Praying for all in the wake.

Just being lazy today, the boys wore me out yesterday, had lots of fun blowing bubbles with them.

Enjoy some time for yourselves.
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OMG, it's 11:30am, and he's Still sleeping! I am thinking that this infection is taking hold, and that's not a bad thing. I just pray that we know what to do, in the event things get scary! Keeping him comfortable does not seem to be a problem thus far. He has never been a complainer about health issues. Never one to give in and say there is a problem as he is always perfect!

Thanks for everyone's well wishes and prayers! I keep thinking that this is getting closer and then he rally's, so we will see what the day brings.

I can't take my eyes off of the Weather Channel! Wow, the destruction is immense! So sorry for what is to come to all of those displaced people, it it tragic! Prayers for the Hurricane victims!
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My brother, as mom's poa, is liquidating all of her stocks, as I knew he would, telling her he needs it in her "checking account" . All accounts and brokerage accounts etc. have been blocked from view to mom, me, Maybe siblings, etc. He did this to my father, then declared him incompetent and denied me access. Mom thinks I'm crabby, no lawyers will do anything, I've been calling every available agency since this started with my father 8 years ago. THERE IS NO HELP. I have gone as high as states attorney many times. This is a bad way for things to go for families, as elders become a large portion of the population now. Mom, of course, at 94, doesn't get it. She is still considered compétant, so that's how poa gets away with this, he just babbles anything, she believes it. He's done it before and is brazenly going forward with it AGAIN, meanwhile, I take on to doctors hairdressers, market, essentials, clothes, and am on call with doctors hospitals, nurses, etc. Yet he still tricked her into having him as POH, too. She said she doesn't understand how that happened, but won't change it because he told her she can't afford any lawyer! Not true! He even took everything she owns, saying nobody else has room for it. I got her into assisted living a bit over a year ago, one day later I was in court because they came after ten years of no contact saying she should be home saving her money for her children. The judge threw them out, but she was so happy to see them they just seemed to then twist her thinking, saying I only help her because they ARE TOO BUSY ! My job actually lets me me work around Moms appointments, but I'm unable to be promoted as a result. I see this happen in front of me and society as it is now does not one thing to prevent financial and emotional elder abuse.
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I just want to say, my brother was POA and is now executor. I never had any knowledge of mom's finances. She and my dad trusted bro and my sil ( who has an MBA). No one was asking me for money.

We were brought up with the assumption that there would be nothing left at the end.
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birdie - I am sorry about your situation. It is very hard when a parent picks a favourite child to be POA financial and health, then requires the help of another child. It is even harder when the POA abuses their power. It sounds like you have tried very hard to set things right without success. I don't have any answers for you, just sympathy for the stress you are under. At least you have a clear conscience knowing you are helping you mum.

barb - I think it was very wise that your parents brought you up with the expectation that there would be no inheritance. Mother tended to dangle money in order to manipulate. The only way to deal with that was to back right out of it. I am appointed as executor and don't know what the latest version of her will is as it is in her lawyer's office. Franky, I am happy not to know. I do what I have to as POA regardless.
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Birdie, Welcome to this thread. I have a little knowledge of a brother who took advantage of my mother. It was horrible. He and his wife and adult children did everything in their power to take everything they could from our mother. They didn't succeed in the end, but not for lack of trying. It sounds as if you've done your best for your mother and that you're continuing to do so. Just make sure that your brother doesn't do anything to your personal finances. My brother's family went so far as to do things to me personally. It was a mess to clean up. My mother died in May and brother later. I have a restraining order against his wife and adult children. I'm fortunate that I have another brother who is close to me.
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upset - How is the building addition coming along?

Trust that everyone is safe and well. Irma is downgraded now to a tropical storm and hopefully will stay there. Tremendous amount of damage has been done so far in Florida and places south.

Getting organized for the cataract surgery. Need to put in drops 3 days in advance. Not sure what those are for but I will do it, of course. R will come up and drive me down and back. Slowly getting things accomplished that have been postponed for a few years. It feels good. 😊👍
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Remembering Sept. 11, 16 years ago.That morning I was watching a live TV program which was showing the twin towers, and heard the horrified announcer as we saw the plane fly into them. Initially it was hard to believe. At work, a large TV was set up in the lobby of the college so all could follow what was happening. Now the hurricane is causing so much loss of property but not the loss of lives we saw that day. How life can change in a few hours.
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Golden, The addition is coming along fine. The proportion looks good which I was a little concerned about. I'm on the ferry coming back from Halifax. A little too cool to sit outside today. We've had a nice time. Beautiful waterfront hotel and many nice restaurants.
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Birdie, favoritism is a common thing with many. My sis was very favored and given to by my parents. You are in good company here. I stood by my mom to the end knowing she saw me as irresponsible because I knew I was not and I believe she knows the truth now. My sis did a good job handling finances but she also treated me like her slave while I did most of everything for my mom except for the last year and a half. I hope to hear from you on this thread!!
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September 11, 2001 I just pulled into the parking lot at work. A co- worker told me what happen with the first plane at the twin towers. I blew it off Thinking something went wrong on the plane. I was working on washing tomato seeds when I heard on my radio about the second plane and the Pentagon. Everything else unfolded as we at work were in disbelief, fearful and very saddened.

These hurricanes are a tremendous force and I will take living with earthquakes any day. My niece in Gainesville did not get hit as hard as expected though there has been much rain and without power since 1 am. My nephew, who is in the military working in Africa, has a home 50 mikes south of Savannha Ga. and 5 miles off the coast; we are hoping for the best in terms of flooding from the storm surge afterwards. At least he is safe and homes can be replaced even though it is very stressful and time consuming. Prayers for comfort and safety to all who are experiencing this storm and the damages.
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On 9/11 I was working as a mental health evaluator in a rural WV hospital. Sitting in the ER I watched the whole thing. Two of the doctors were from NYC and worried about family and friends.

My Mom was still able to travel at that time. Two weeks before, she and some friends had been to NYC to see Broadway shows. They had gone to the restaurant at the top of one of the towers for dinner. I had been there once in 1995. It's a horrible memory for everyone.
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An example of how dysfunction from childhood continues into aldulthood and we need to watch our words even though our words are meant as a sarcastic joke.

Sample letter from insurance agent: I, SharynMMarie, lost my group health coverage on May 31, 2017. I had the opportunity to apply for cobra which was very expensive so I decided to apply for $$$'klk in California. I completed the application in California but the process was not completed.

Due to moving, I was not able to get to said insurance company to complete the process.

I could have completed the process in California knowing the insurance was not available but decided it would be a waste of time.


Now, this was not word for word of what I actually said to the agent, but this is how he intreptrd it.
I was furious when I read this sample letter!!! After going off the deep end, I realized what I actually said to this man jokingly, as a sarcastic person, his take on me. Knowing I have a responsibility to present myself as the status quo goes, I still have a lot of growing to do and am grateful he gave me the opportunity to put it in my own words, lol!!!
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I can see how my humor and sarcasim gets the better of me when I mean no harm. I guess i just make bad impressions.
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Sad memories of Sept 11th. The world became a less secure place on that day.

sharyn I remember thinking the first plane could have been an accident , but then the second one came, and all knew it was no accident. I don't think you make bad impressions generally. I find I am having to be very careful when write to the insurance co. I really want to be sarcastic!!! What is it about insurance companies?

upset the ferry ride would be nice but cool. Glad you have had some nice experiences on your trip. In the midst of sadness or turmoil it helps. It would be a little scary that your mum was in the towers a couple of weeks earlier. The events of Sept 11 th were devastating.
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Hi All, just checking in to see how you all are doing, and to give you an update!

Golden, so happy to hear that you are finally getting your Cataracts taken care of! I'm guessing that the eye drops may be some form of pre-surgery antibiotics? It's going to be great for you to be able to see great again, once this surgery is behind you! Are they putting in implanted lenses? I'm guessing those work somewhat like contact lenses, making your vision perfect!

UpsetSister, yay, I'm glad you are getting out and having some fun, as Girl, You are a hard worker who is always so busy with getting your New Caregivers site up and running! You are a force to be reckoned with, and the world needs more people just like You!

On the same topic, we have the most Amazing Hospice team working for my FIL, and US Too! Just this morning we've had the Lovely Chaplain in, and she played the flute for my FIL, it was really beautiful! Next up, our Nurse was in, checking him over after our whirlwind weekend of Cognitive changes that have been occurring of late. He was really struggling with his thoughts and putting them to words this morning which is another new change, but we will continue to roll with the punches, at least he had a very good night's sleep again last night, and so did I!

Then, our very nice SW called in, to go over the possibility of having a Home Health Aide in a few hours per week, and she will help me with the ppwk to get that started at her visit this coming Wednesday.

On a good note, we recieved the Awards Letter Confirming the VA Aid and Attendance Pension benifits that I have been working on for a few months, and he recieved 2 months back pay for the time that he was living in the Assisted living place, and his new benifits will roll over seamlessly, now that he is back in our home and on Hospice, Whew! Ppwk Ppwk and More Ppwk! It never ends I tell ya!

Unfortunately, I haven't had any time to even check the news today to see how bad the damage this darn Hurricane has caused. I know it's horrific, but just how bad I guess is yet to be determined as it's still going on and affecting So Many People! I feel so bad, it's hard to imagine having your lives affected in such a horrible way! The most I've ever lived through is a couple of minor Earthquakes and when Mount Saint Helens blew her top! And even then, our winds prevented most of the ash from coming our direction, but the Eastern half of our state was devastated, though still nothing like what Hurricane Irma is doing to the SE!

I will continue to Pray along side all of you, in hopes that that lives are spared and that everyone affected gets the emergent and long term help that is needed!

Thinking of you all, and hope you are doing well! ❤❤❤

PS, I am getting out for a couple of hours on my own, as my hubby is driving me crazy, Lol, as he is changing out the knobs and deadbolt on our front door, and thinks that I need to hear blow by blows of every freaking step he makes! Uggg, Calgon, take me Away! I'll bet you don't know where I'm headed? KaChing!🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🎰🙄😄😆😃😉😊😍😀😁😊😋
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Thanks Golden, yet I know I have phrase words better and not respond because I'm stressed or feel obligated.

I remember a. Boss brought a tv to work on 9/11. I refused to watch the footage, it was too emotional for me. I watched at home so I could be myself in my home. My do- worker didn't understand why. I didn't feel safe in their presence. I explained the next day that I didn't want to get emotional at work. Yes an emotional day.
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Stacey, will you PM me the name of the hospice company you're using? Your recommendation means a lot, and I may at some time have to go this route...hopefully not this year though, but as next year proceeds it might be necessary. Thanks.

And congratulations on getting the Aid & Attendance! Good work!
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Oh, so many things resonate.

Stacey ~ All that paperwork for VA and home aides and and and! I was going through a small mountain of it today, packing most up to go to my father's new place for his records, but was able to throw some out which felt great. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you and your situation often. Good job on getting the paperwork done.

Sharyn ~ I think I've changed much in past 6 years of caregiving life. I look back to emails I sent in 2011-12, and I still had this bit of sarcasm in me towards people who I thought of as dragging their feet on things that I perceived was their job, etc. I think the experience here has changed me with regard to communicating with a bit of sarcasm when I feel it's warranted in a professional capacity. I'm not sure that one way or another is "right." Speaking one's mind is generally a good thing and sometimes a harsh word can get results. Fortunately or unfortunately.


I emailed the temporary replacement Trustee this morning to inquire about status of my receipts. *Crickets* so far. I hope I don't run into a wall here but too early to tell. I keep busy doing the things that need doing here at house. I had planned to drive a carload of things to Indianapolis today but after discussion with my mom, she is coming up with her seats removed from her van, and I'll have things ready to go back with her to bro's house, her house, and to my dad. I don't like putting things on my mother. I wish either of my bros would step up. I've learned that they won't. Me and mom will get by... and... in some ways, at least until the next falling out, it's nice to have a time where mom and I are working together and getting along. I do give her more and more understanding these days in general. I see her personality better, understand more of what sets her off and pushes her buttons. I would like an easier life for her. I think she will never have an easy life, it's not in her personality, as she is used to drama and chaos and I think, somehow, it works for her. ...just some thoughts about my mom. If I had it my way, my BROTHERS would be helping finalize estate and helping my mom, but they aren't and won't. I'm grateful she is willing though I worry she takes on way too much.

09/11... such a difficult day. I was living in Las Vegas. I couldn't bear to stay in my apartment so I went out and openly let some tears fall in public -- not on purpose, but just as I was out at an eatery, watching the news coverage on the overhead tv. It was better than being alone. Seemed everyone understood, at least no one said anything.

Upset, Rainey, GA, Barb, Book et al... Hiya! It's a somber time in the world as these hurricanes do their business and we all reflect on 9/11, but I hope you're having a decent day in your corner of the world. Many (((((hugs))))) all around.
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9-11 was my day off after 3 x 12, so I had slept in a bit. Hubs had left to take daughter to school. As I fixed my coffee and stared at the TV, at first I thought hubs had left a movie on,, then I figured it out. Then my cousin called, he had been on his way to the Pentagon for a conference,, detoured to our house for the day. Then the hospital called to see if I could come in if they needed me ( thought we would get causualties from the Pentagon). I was so upset Hubs and cousin went to get daughter from school, along with about all the other parents from our small town! First time ever we had to show ID to pick up kids, and they said the line was long! We just all stared at the TV all day, in horror.
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Thank you Ali!! I think I allow myself to become too comfortable. Yes a harsh word is sometimes needed. I am not good at that part of communication. My example is... not to be tit for tat but to help someone out, I would like to send An email back saying thank you for the sample letter. It was very helpful and appreciated. I must say that it brings to mind our neighbor who asked us if we had experienced treatment due to our liscense plates. Funny how words can leave a bad taste. Unfortunately, I would feel horrible being so blunt.  His first words to us, have you been treated badly with the California plates?  
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hey all, hubs and I took our pup on the last ride to vet today. Her liver disease finally got the worst of her and she could not stand on her own today. Hubs is leaving at noon on business trip and he was worried about what might happen if she went down and I was alone (70 lbs and after double mastectomy I can't live that much limp weight). Wonderful vet and staff - very supportive and thoughtful. hey glad maybe she and her buddy L will find your girl on the other side of rainbow bridge. She was a Good Dog.
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Guest, I'm sorry for loss of your dog. Always difficult. My cat died of kidney cancer several years ago.
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Guest, so sorry about your doggo. Thinking about Sarah and Macy romping around with young bodies across the rainbow bridge.

Yesterday, I almost *ALMOST* posted a bit of a vent about my mother.   I had some thoughts rolling around my brain about how she causes chaos, seemingly without "meaning" to do so, but I typed the words and then deleted it because... I'm so grateful that she is helping, but... her help is always problematic! After a discussion yesterday, she said she would take the seats out of her van and drive up the couple of hours and take back things that she wants and that my bro's want.  It will fit in her vehicle, will not all fit in my smaller car.  She was supposed to come up yesterday. Then she said she come this morning. This morning I don't hear from her, so I call her. It's 12:30 pm her time, she said she will come up tonight. That was AFTER she asked if she could come up on Thursday instead. This is AFTER she has been telling me for MONTHS that she wants to come up and get some things, and we've played this game for months now where she names a day, then retracts and changes her mind, she "can't" come, she has too much work. Thing is -- I get it! I'm sympathetic. But... I'm at a point where I'll just as soon throw every single thing out (besides heirlooms) if the Trust will reimburse my receipts...

So who knows when/if she's coming. And she plays this game with me since I was a child. I'm waiting on her, counting on her, grateful for her "help"... But she's not there. I was the last kid in my college dorm to be picked up for Thanksgiving holiday one year. My mom was supposed to be there to get me hours earlier, it was an hour away from where she lived. She showed up around midnight. The staff had to wait with me to be able to shut the building for the holiday. I'm just TIRED of her behavior. I'm so sick of being hurt and disappointed by how chaotic she is! She is ALWAYS like this. I wish I didn't need ANYONE'S help with ANYTHING because relying on others is just not something that seems to work well for me. :'( Yeah, I might be having a little pity party. Darn it! She and my bros make me so mad. They're so incredibly self centered.
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Guest,
So sorry about your pup. I hope my GW (chocolate lab) is there to meet your pup and show him the ropes. I had to let him go the 3rd week of June just a week shy of his 15th birthday. He was one hardy Lab and the best dog EVER. It's so hard to make the decision to let them go. I had never had to do that before.

I am typing and shedding a few tears for the both of us.
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My car is packed up and I'm heading down to Indy. It's only a couple of hours drive. I really need to learn this lesson: NO ONE is helping me clean up this house. No one has been there to help during the past 6 years, no one is going to help now. I keep saying "it's almost over." I have to keep believing that things will change, that I'll live a more self focused life very soon. :-/ Anyway, off I go, no more waiting on someone else to do anything to help. And... I think more and more about just cutting losses. If the Trust will come through with any amount of money for reimbursement, it would make the decision to let it all go that much easier, but really... what's the price for peace of mind? Not sure. This is a process. I'm getting through it. :-)

Called and left voicemail for new Trustee contact today, asked that she confirm she is receiving my emails.

Hope you guys have a decent day! It's good weather here and hopefully drive will go just fine.
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Ali, I know the disappointment of being let down by one's mother. I always thought this time she'll come thru. I'm not sure I ever really learned that lesson that it was never going to happen. Today seems to be a pity party day for me too.
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((((Hugs)))) to You Guest, our furry family is so hard to say good bye to. I'm sure these pups are are enjoying time together at the rainbow bridge.

I think it's ok to have a pity party now and then. My version of it is to let out all my stresses and weep, whatever it takes to let it all out.
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