The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Ali,
My entire family operates the way your Mother does.
There comes a time when they have had enough chances to behave decently or treat you right.
It is sad that they act this way towards you.
So sorry!

Guest,
Sorry your doggy has finished her earthly life, and you will be missing her.
It is good that your hubs stood up for her needs and yours.

Guest, I am so sorry about your pup.. keep all the good thoughts going and remember the fun times!

Guest, I am so sorry to read that your dog has crossed to the other side. I like to think that when they get across the bridge that they have a healthy new body and can play again. The suffering can get so bad when they are sick. I am glad that she is in peace now.

Thanks all. Just a capper to a difficult year. Sarah was such a good girl. Hubs and I were a team caring for her. Dogs appreciate what you do, they love unconditionally. They ask for very little and rarely complain. I just worry about son but we will make it. Peace out and thanks for all the love for our girl. She has a new pack to run with..

Ali sorry about the disapointment from your mother. Our every wish is that it does. I hear you about the chaos and disafpointment even when its "not" intentional. I put quotes because in my mothers case the innocent face and acting is phenomenal you never know even when you see it if you want to believe its not so she will have an action that will give that out. anyway I used to think that she just naturally sabatoges things I do or plan. I put something straigt she tears it apart. I get a container to keep bread fresh I find batteries dirty forks crumbs and cant find the top. Things I looked high and low for months past, suddenly show up.
Ali dont worry your pretty head, youve given fair advance advice on your plans and options. Do what works for you. They are probably waiting for you to do your magic and bring it too them like maybe they are used to that.
Guest I am sorry about your dog. Ive lost a few it hurts bad every time. Named most after my first dog. This namesake is so very old. and he is so sweet and spoiled. He cant jump on me now which was so agravvating. He too fat with all these parties he and my mother have. I wish you well they are such loving good companions. Sometimes I think they are more than that.

Guest and Lizzy, sorry about your pooches. I had to put Macy down last Thursday. I miss her so much everyday. I am close enough to work that I came home to visit and let her out every day for lunch. Now it is just so lonely. Good thing I have all of you!😉

I am thinking about a pup. Macy was a rescue dog six or seven when I got her. Have had her five years, not long enough. Do not know if I have the energy for a pup. Sharyn, how is it going with that new gr pup of yours? There is a breeder here with pups ready the end of next week. Thinking about AKC certified less of a chance of hip problems later. But if it is not hips it would be something else. And AKC was shocked at the cost! 2750? Geez pet quality is probably very good. But thinking about showing her is an interesting thought too. But, again the energy.

Ali, my mom was much the same way as yours. She never showed up when I thought she would when I was a kid. Joys of having wild single moms. It tends to make us more independent than we should be or want to be. We do not want to open ourselves up to future hurt and disappointment to anyone. Too much vulnerability. Leads to so much sarcasm. If we can joke about it with our sarcasm then it does not hurt as much. Right?

I apologize if I have missed or seem oblivious to some events. I have been off almost two weeks. I have not caught up. I tried on my phone its too tedious and time consuming, sometimes I dont have the patience.
Well to update, I am still inl a good place spiritually and mentally what ever came over me a couple a weeks ago is still in effect. My birthday on the 1st was nice. I had to work the next day so I cut my options down. I made a great dinner which I doanyway on my days off , for my lunch when I work. But here isthe best part of my birthday. I thought of the AC family as each event occurred..
1st it was my 2nd and last day off, I go to laundry, low and behold! the guy that works there is born same day and year, how often do we come across someone born the same exact day and year.
2nd, I bought a little cake and as I divided the food and prepared my lunch bag and my mothers plate, I cut the cake. So my mother was like this is a birthday cake and I say yes its my birthday. She mumbles well that wasnt nice not to tell anyone. In my head I was like for what? Anyways as I am fixing plates she started singing happy birthday and it was the best I ever heard her sing and it was oh such music to my ears. That was something I think the last hear her sing happy birthday was in 1999 when I took the boys to disney world, I guess she and my sister decided theey should do something.

But anyways that made my day. I had a few cocktails in my girlfriends honor the day before and in my honor the next day I enjoyed some pedch cream wine. I went on utube found a bunch of oldies got lost in memories and had a good time by myself.
My girlfriend next dove me a bag of these luscious chocolates.oh boy I can barely bend over to put on a shoe.
Earlier I got news and I went into tears when I thought to call my girlfriend. She was always support and gave no nonsense advise. We had just reconnected afgter off and on a little over two years ago and she was just full of awesome advice. Anyway I am so greatful for some of my prayers being answered and getting a better perspective on this care giving thing dealing with my sister and mother.
The issues and dysdfunction is still there in the whole family. My son left some nice things to giveto my nephew who is not working, the oldest. We just hugged and professed love always, he said he wanted and now I get not anwer when I call of text and he hasnt picked up clothes I packed and put infront of my door where he can clearly see them. Been there about three weeks. He said he wanted them but I think he was just saying that. So there is a young, well older guy who helped my son when he got my bedroom set out of storage before I lost it. I'd lost his number but everytime I see him heask if I have soork or know of someone who does. Ran into him he says he will be grateful for anytheing. So guess what Im calling him this week to pick them up pluss other stuff. I alwyas wanted to tipp him anyway when he helped my son move all that stuff but I couldnt. Now I can so I will.
So I was feeling funny about waiting on my nephew and I realized the last time I got him a xmas gift he never picked it up even after I told him and showed him and he said the same thing he woulget them. jMy sister has those boys poisoined, probably against each other. Did I ever mention she and my mother are a day apart. Mother is 5/21 and sister is the 22nd whew! $%#No offense intended to anyone.

I will be off line for a few days but boy oh boy did I miss my AC people. The last I was on there was discouragement expressed by some of the most awesome posters on board. I am glad they are still here. Because it is these very same posters who paved the sway to my understanding and learning about the levels and steps in aging and dementia and caregiving. It was here where I gopared and thus was not shocked intoblivion when stuff happended. With these posters sharing their utmost inner most pain helping me to deal with my own, I am so glad to see that they are still here fighting the good fight and inspiring hope. Thanks guys you are a blessing.
I post my crazy and it helps me. The feedback helps me. Its real talk, this is life.

Glad, hubs and I have 2 cats (who are missing Sarah and acting out...) and are thinking about waiting to get another dog. We want to be able to travel and see our son more and having a dog makes that difficult. Having a dog that loved 2 cats was much harder:) You might consider being a foster mom - the rescue groups are always looking for folks to help and that would be a confined space of time. That way if you are wanting to travel and see your kiddos or just enjoy life post CG, it might be a resolution. The one option I talked with hubs about is that we are NOT going to host his parents' dog if FIL needs care.
BTW, it's working to feign disinterest in FIL and MIL. Hubs called MIL to check in and actually gave me an update. She is now walking with walker around facility and "her tremors are so much better that she is surprised that she needs facility". Hm. FIL is now amenable to changing her catheter bag so that she and he can travel and go places together and she can get out more-maybe even go home. Hm. One of her friends came to visit and they had so much fun. She is so lonely it was great to have someone thoughtful come and spend time with her. FIL is having CT scan of chest and needs oxygen 24/7 in MIL's opinion (the O2 I actually concur). But there is nothing special going on. I looked at hubs and my only comment was that most doctors don't order CT scans for no reason as they aren't paid for by Medicare otherwise. Tra-la-la. That was my only input. Hubs doesn't know what scan is for, he didn't ask. Not my circus. Not my monkeys.

stacey - I assume it is implanted lenses, but I have astigmatisms so my vision will not be made perfect by them. I will settle for an improvement. So glad your paperwork has been productive. It takes a while for sure. Hope fil is continuing to be more peaceful. Glad you got out for a bit.

ali -hope you hear from the Trustee soon, Sorry abut your mum and the many times she left you standing, I think you are wise to take stuff there yourself. I also think you are entitled to a pity party and to vent all you like. Re stuff - there comes a point where cutting the losses is the best thing to do.

pamz - horror is the right word. Having to show ID to pic up your kid - another world.

(((((((guest))))) so sorry about your dog. I know the time comes and it is a very hard decision, The staff have always been good when I have had to do that. I know your son will feel the loss. Glad you are able to detach from fil and mil and the games.

upset ((((((hugs))))) I could write a book about being let down, but not in the way ali shared.

send -sorry your mum//family was like that too

jessie -nice thought, I won't know which one to hug first.

duck - so frustrating to go through all the time trying to make things better and having then torn apart. Glad you had a good birthday after all. Your mum sang. So touching!!!!!

glad -I know you are missing Macy. I am happy you are looking at another pet. Yes we do get to be more independent when our parents let us down. It is not altogether a bad thing in the end.

Ultrasound came back normal. My bones need a little more calcium, (not bad) so I am on 2000 Vit D and 1000 mg Calcium daily. I know my dietary intake has been low since I had to cut dairy out out of my diet due to allergies. My last bone density test was OK (6 years ago) and I don't have most of the risk factors. The big difference is the lack of intake. I don't take in enough iron either but never have had a problem with that. I will up my weight bearing exercise by walking more, take the Ca and Vit D, and see what happens. It will take a year or two to see a difference. I am pleased to be as well off as I am.

Waiting for the drugstore to call as they did not have all the eye drops I need and I am late in starting them. They were due in this morning. The instructions for surgery include no nailpolish. I understand no makeup but nail polish??? I got mine done last week so I will turn up with my orange sparkles and say it is not nail polish it is gel. I wonder if he will refuse to do surgery because of my nails?

Gotta go and pack Have a good day everyone.

So I take dad to my club meeting (he is technically a member didn't pay his dues this year) the other night. It gets him out. So one of the members thought we should all introduce ourselves since we have some new members. Say a little it about ourselves. Dad was second up. So he starts and then says he was a contractor until he retired, then he said "Until he gave my stilts and tools away" Pointing to me. Then he goes into how he loves to cook, cooks all the time. Yet he only cooks when he has a crowd who lauds him with praise. He cooks (makes potato salad and cookies) for the church and his lodge but yet wont even make an egg at home,. He wont cook for the people who buy all the food he cooks for everyone else or the food he eats! It was so much for me to keep my mouth shut. These are my friends at the club, I bring him so he gets out and then he throws a dig to me in front of my friends. They didn't get it but I surely heard it. Funny, he tells the family I wont let him do anything. Hmmmmm, he is such a great cook how come you dont cook at home? I have offered for him to cook.
Tired and exhausted.... He can barely walk, uses a cane at home has to hold on to things but out in public not a limp..... He walks slow but the man can put on a show in front of people. he tells everyone he "cooks gourmet"............. tired, just tired. I cook every night and I dont even get a thank you...... not that I need one......

Stacey, sorry that you're going through this really tough part with your FIL. Thats really hard.
I hope you get the rest you need today, after not having much sleep. You're in my thoughts.

About the bullying online, or trolls......I agree they do feel brave, WHY? Because we aren't face to face with them.
Your little doggie is adorable! I used to have Chihuahua's as a kid. Good dogs! Little noisy, but good.

Glad, Thanks for your kind words some pages ago, about my being missed. I miss all of you also, and it's just been one tumultuous summer, last few mos. for me. I'll write about it later. Big Hugs!

Sharynmarie, yes those people in Texas and now Florida, WHOAH! I cannot even begin to imagine what those people are going through and yet have to contend with.

Golden, so happy to hear about the outcome of the claim adjustment, and to hear you're having some fun down south. Good restaurants help, if the rooms are iffy, don't they! Oh......I could sure use a hot tub just about now.

Ali, Good for you, walking out on that groper! You are moving right along in a great way, sorting out the paper work. Here's to you being able to collect all that is coming to you my dear.

Gee......everyone, I'm catching up again, so w/dock in a little later.

Big Hugs to all,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Er Golden the OR staff are probably up to your games and will have polish remover handy!
originally the idea of no nail polish was so the anesthesiologist to look and see if they were blue and your oxygen level was low. I thought they were way beyond that so it may be a hold over and you will get away with it.
I am having my second eye done in the morning 6.30 am arrival. I was told no make up and no eye make up for one week prior. Don't get eye drops till I get there. I had to sanitize my eye lids for 1 week. Well I was only told on Monday so I have done the best I can. looks as though it will cost me several hundred $s for a procedure that medicare is supposed to cover free plus a pair of glasses. The crappy frames were free but the lenses cost $50 each.
The good news that our monthly ins has only increase $5 for next year and some of the co-pays have been reduced in many cases. I am sure there are some hidden expenses that will appear. For example they say some tests must now be pre-approved except in emergency.
I hate to admit it but I have received good value from Medicare given the very expensive care i have recieved over the past few years.

Glad, I can understand you wanting another pup. Pups do require time and consistency. If you kennel train while at work, walk and play with them it shouldn't be a problem. Buster is not my dog, I would do things different than hubs. I bought butter apple to keep him away from Midget. She is 9 and was not socailuzed once my mom got her. We will be starting puppy training at pet smart next month. I leach trained buster in just a couple sessions by putting him on the leach and using treats in front of him to get him to walk. Goldens are very intelligent so you can easily teach them. If you are up to it, get a golden puppy, they are worth it but be prepared for the first 3 years.

Idaho appears to be the only state with 2 bicycle laws 1) ridingon the street, a bicycleist must stop at a stop sign/ red light can proceed on the red if safe in order to clear bicycles out of the intersection. 2) bicyclists can ride on the sidewalks but must obey laws as a vehicle. Crazy!

Duck, happy belated!

Guest, the dog, I think it is different if you are alone. Macy was my constant companion. If I was one that cared to travel, maybe someday, my kids are all close enough now, that I am sure they would help out with a dog. When we got Macy, we asked if we could foster, she was a rescue. That organization would not foster, they want to find permanent homes. I really would prefer an adult, no house training, etc. Macy was perfect, that also holds me back, there will never be another one. But, it would have been nice if she enjoyed water more, would play ball more than twice, and was not so terrified of storms. There is not a perfect dog, I suppose.

Margeaux, always good to see you posting.

Sharyn, butter apple?

Glad, I think Sharyn means bitter apple, it's a deterrent spray for dogs and other animals. You use it when training.

I'm tired, too tired to compose much of a post. ;-) After my drive down yesterday I helped SIL and hung out with kids, then up at 4am my time this morning (just woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, then kids were waking up an hour later, 6 their time), then drive back up, then pack up a bunch of china and other house stuff.  It's been a full day. Good night, all!

Google "this dog loves going to the pet store". LOL!

Isn't that a golden retriever in the YouTube video? What a cutie!

Yes, it is!

Golden and Veronica, I hope both of you have good results with your cataract surgery. I have an appointment with ophthalmologist in two weeks for my annual check up. I'm a diabetic, plus have strong family history of macular degeneration, so I go for annual visits. New doctor this year. My old doctor retired and his daughter took over his practice. I guess this is doctor month. Have appointments with my cardiologist, nephrologist and diabetic specialist who handles my neuropathy and foot checks. I'll be glad when all of my doc visits are over.

My big news is that I have had a formal marriage proposal - complete with ring. Apparently, he's been carrying the ring around for a few weeks. I said yes, but we haven't set a date. Lot of decisions on housing, etc. I've joked with him that I'd marry him for his good health insurance. He has one of those "Cadillac" Medicare supplement policies that his former employer will cover a spouse as well.

Congrats upset! Is it PJ we have not heard much about him lately. That was fast!

Yes, Glad bitter apple.

Yes PJ. Kind of fast in a way, but we've been good friends since 8/87. My son and a couple of his kids have been friends since 6th grade. He was a homeroom "mother" for his son/my son's class a couple of years - kids all loved his cupcakes. Also was his freshman year football coach. So we have a good bit of history. I dated him for about 5 years 00-05. My Mom was a real issue at that time. A lot of details to figure out - but we're going to take the plunge. He's been divorced for about 30 years and I've been divorced for 26, so maybe it's time. We're not getting any younger.

Upset, not to be a kill joy, but I would check with an attorney about the financial implications of marrying later in life. Medicaid, if ever needed would have major financial impact on both of you should one of you become sick and need care. You each would be financially responsible for the other and prenups do not protect your assets in the eyes of Medicaid.

Glad, Thanks for the concern. We've both talked to attorney's. We're both good on financial planning - separately and together.

I'm not going to be a killjoy! I'm idealistic and I love love!! 😍 Upset, I wish you much happiness and fun ferry adventures in your married life, whenever it commences. No, you're not getting any younger and I think your history with PJ is a good indicator that you can be great friends, which is so important to a marriage (in my never-married opinion lol). I'm SO happy for you and to get a pretty ring and all! I'm happy sighing for you lol.

upset -congratulations. I am so happy for you and pj. I think you are a terrific couple and have a great history behind you which spells success to me. I know together you will work out the logistics. I wish you both all the best the world has to offer. You deserve it.

tg - nothing has changed. I think I would speak to dad and tell him what he said that was hurtful.

Thinking of veronica who is probably out of surgery by now. Hoping everything went OK.

Margeaux - good to hear from you. I have wondered how you are.

I called about the nailpolish and it is "in case something happens" as Veronica mentioned, to assess oxygenation. They said they would settle for a couple of toe nails without polish which I can do easily as they are not gel, just regular polish. 

Apologies if I have missed anyone - just a little "off" from the trip and upcoming surgery.

Sift intermittent rain and fall colouring in the trees - some of my favourite weather.