
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Try to have a little fun in Vegas, Ali
Spa massage, nice meal, a little pai gow
Golden, so glad surgery went well. And it's great that you've been able to work out difficulties and make your relationship good again. You are such a strong and positive influence.
Upset, I understand about the bills. When my aunt died, my cousin kept trying to get money out of my mother for bills that aunt had run up spending alone the money that grandmother left for both mom and aunt. Cousin could not believe the money train had left the station without him on it....
Going to a funeral on Monday. My SIL's father who lived with her and my brother. I've written about it before - the gentleman that was left alone for 3 weeks while my brother and his wife went on extended trip to IRELAND with a 20 year old girl and daily neighbor only check in - Vietnam vet with Agent orange, chest mass suspicious for cancer after lifelong smoker, heart patient, Parkinson's with advancing dementia. M was ready to join his wife, I'm accepting that. But I still struggle with the fact that he died alone at the house when my brother and his wife left him alone again a week after return from Ireland to drive to West Virginia for a togetherness trip. My brother took contract job here where I live for a year 150 miles away from his home finished 1 week before Ireland trip and was starting another contract job in WV Sep 9 and kept talking about how he and SIL were sharing the hands-on caregiving role. I love my brother, but it's gonna be hard to make sympathetic noises when they bemoan the fact that M died and was found in front of Fox TV with both dogs standing vigil by a neighbor. Keep smiling!
sharyn -hope you are feeling better
madge - coming from you that is a great compliment.
upset - I am sorry about more bills. They have a lot of gall.
guest - still working on things but, over all, better than worse. So sad about sil's father. They really did not look after him well. I sure understand that it will be hard making sympathetic noises. I would do well to keep my mouth shut.
- a little flakey still, I have some CFS flare up, but it has turned the corner and is on the way out. I am on 3 sets of eye drops - a steroid for the remaining time till the next surgery, and an antibiotic and a NSAID for another 10 days. He has covered all the bases! I will see my optometrist in about a week for a report on how healing is progressing.
Raining again - the lawn loves it. We brought the tomatoes in last night as it was snowing in southern AB and getting colder at nights here. Hopefully the little fruits will grow with the plants in the south window.
Today at caregivers group the topic is anger and resentment. I have a psychiatrist, a counselor and a couple of other facilitators. I'm too angry myself to be involved. Our center is on schedule. Finishing up inspections, polishing things up and getting supplies. It looks nice and we have two people hired for full time employment and two for part-time. We'll be open M-F 8-8. Sat and Sun Noon - 5. These may change with demands. We also have 4 supervised graduate level social workers during the week - some morning, some afternoon.
PJ was here this morning. He answered the phone and it was my SIL. He. He politely told her she was violating restraining order and then called the police and gave them the number from which she was calling.
Sadly, my FIL passed away this morning. He had been unconscious for about 48 hours, and then spiked a fever this morning. We made him as comfortable as possible, cool cloths, cool room, and while I was on the phone to my Hospice Nurse, hubby came out of his room and said that there was a change in status, and as it turned out, he was gone. I had only just slipped out to call my Nurse, as I didn't want to talk in front of him. I was so glad I had her with me at that moment, to verify his dying, and she will be here shortly to verify his death, and call the funeral home.
I want to thank you all for being such incredible friends to me here on the AC, and Thank you all So much for your wonderful support the last difficult days, weeks and months, and for teaching me all about Narcissistic behavior!
He is at peace now, off to Heaven to be with his wife, and his family gone before him.
He has been a Gem, except for only one day here at couple of days ago, but we knew he wasn't feeling well.
We will be busy with funeral planning and family in the next few days, but I'm not going anywhere, I'll be back, once things settle down again.
Then you all can give me advice on a good vacation, as we truly need one! Lol!
I'm so rummy now, my mind is reeling of what to do next.
I have yet to tell my kids, as we don't want them rushing here, all upset and getting into an accident, so we are waiting until after quiting time, to make our calls to them.
I must go now, but Thank you all! You're all so Lovely!
Your Friends, Stace ❤❤❤
((((((stacey))))) hugs and deepest condolences. You and hub did your fil proud. I hope that you have some closure now for all the years you spent looking after him. I am glad he was grateful at the end. Hopefully that holiday is coming up soon. You have more than earned it. I know now you are overwhelmed with feelings and all that has to be done. Take some time just for the two of you to debrief and catch your breath and rest. More hugs and prayers. Blessings to you both.
You gave FIL a wonderful caring end to his journey
Hugs
My condolences to you and the family at this time of loss.
I hope the next few days are as peaceful for you and your family as they can be.
Rain and a high of 49 coming Saturday - yahoo! If I never see another 95 degree day....
Anyone want some good news? Woke up Sept 2 and decided to call my brother on his birthday; he has refused to speak to me for 20 years this year and thank the Lord, he TALKED with me for about 20 minutes, NICELY - no mention of our estrangement! Not only that; today my mom apologized to me; said she had never in my life disciplined me with love, and God was working on her; she was very sorry and would I forgive her... I couldn't talk, and my husband was speechless when I told him - see you guys, there's sometimes light at the end of the tunnel. God bless you all!
My dentist performed a maneuver that fixed it once and for all.
I've been very fortunate with money for staff. I got a state grant for elder assistance that runs two years. Got a grant from a private family foundation. Because we got our nonprofit status and we work for community improvement we're eligible to hire work study students from the university and only pay half their salary for 20 hours per week. The student emloyment office takes care of their checks - taxes, etc. We get a bill every 2 weeks for our part. Our graduate social workers get a monthly stipend and paid by the grad school. It's a hodge podge of payment methods but I got it together and have two years of staff funding and payroll costs in the bank along with other operating costs. Going forward it will be ongoing fundraising. The community has been outstanding. Response from student organizations had been excellent. Every week there has been some form of financial support or gifts. We have big stockpiles of Depends, Chux bedpads, bed socks with gripper soles, other personal care items, Ensure. We also have gift cards for a variety of things, especially drug stores to help with medications. Someone in the community is always coming up with something. As a local businessman told me "we'll all be old someday and it might be my son or daughter who will need support taking care of me as an old guy".
There will be an appeal.
Also, there are other insurance options.
COBRA after leaving work, available for a specific time.
MRMIP for pre-existing conditions, assigned risk insurance with several companies, even Kaiser.
These were in California a long time ago.
Anthem Blue Cross participates in CA, and they have Anthem in Idaho. Inquire about major risk health plans, a very low premium ( because you are assigned as part of a pool) accepted by the major health insurance companies.
Good News! As part of the pre-requisite to obtain a plan as mentioned, YOU WILL NEED A LETTER OF DENIAL from a health insurance company! You now have that! Keep it, copy it, don't lose it.
Now, keep it simple, and choose a good chiropractor to maybe adjust your jaw-$54.