The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

I've never been into the world of pets much. We had a Siamese cat growing up. My son had a Maine coon cat. They shed everywhere and they swish their tails constantly. Think sitting on the sofa eating some ice cream and the cat walks across your lap with her big bushy tail, slinging ice cream everywhere.

upset - it was. I hope we get a good analysis then they track back and find out what happened.

Good for you. Insurance is important especially as we get older. No waiting period -great! You will have a wonderful party afterwards. Blessings on you.

ummm - ice cream everywhere. Rethinking the maine coon cat. lol

Here is an update about my dad. As of May, he has out lived his long term care insurance. To keep him at the same level of care, my step-sister is going to move him to the house she owns right next to her house and sell his house which is in a retirement community with association fees. She expects the profit from the sale to provide my dad three more years of care with 3 care givers per day for 8 hours each. He is 92 with alzheimer's and Parkinson.

Ms. Sparrow is Maine coon. She is mean, demanding, eats too fast then throws up half her food and yes a wicked tail swisher. She sheds like all get out. Pretty little thing though...

CMag-sounds like a good plan for your Dad

Maine Coon cats are beautiful, but way too high maintenance, grooming, shedding, nope. I am thinking a Siamese would be a good idea.

cmag - sounds like a good idea. Your step-sis is doing a great job.

trying - she sounds like a "queen".

glad - a siamese sounds good - got me thinking here.

Or burmese.

Upset you are fortunate your fiancé' insurance will accept you. I have to wait until open enrollment now 11-1.

Dang Golden, that is just so weird.
Loved hearing about that one orange tomato, the green ones two. My first garden I thought something was wrong with me when the tomatos turned green but didn't grow. I almost wanted to cry. Made lots of compaints that they weren't growing then took a few over to show my nieighbor and he told me they were cherry tomatoes, Now that not what I purchased.

Also glad you are healing well.

Upset I've been meaning to say I am so happy for you and wishing you the best in all.
Trying, I hope you have gotten the needed rest and feeling better
Sharyn, thanks I'm hanging, also a naturall antibiotic would probably help the pain if this insurance dilemma continues. I was taking a lot of vit c whenever I catch cold. My prayer partner told me about oregano oil. Also burdock root. Now here is a clencher. my relief RN is African. I was telling her my issue. She works now 5 12 hour shifts from 7 12 hours shift so she can afford a plan. But she told me in past I could have taken fish antibiotics its the same look it up. I am just passing it on.
I am a shade tree tooth specialist. Growing up chewing blow pops and jar breakers and maryjanes and squirrel nuts. If I try it now a tooth might come out in the candy while chewing.
Anyways I suggest you start trying something in the form of antibiotic as it will only get worse. I've had a mouth full of cavities and impacted wisdom teeth. Done a lot of crying and boo hooing at the dentist. I get some issues with my front cap. so far so good I finally got top and lower bridges but I didn't wear them because they were uncomfortable and forget chewing. Now I cant even put the top one in for that shinning smile. LOL

I am back from a few days off. I love to cook and basically what motivates me out of bed when I am lazy is figuring out my plan for dinner.
Well Thursday I slept in. It felt good. Friday I did my laundry baked a chicken with stuffing and picked up a few groceries.
Sat. the baked chicken is gone (all but a piece of breast, some stuffing and bones() I ask my mother what happened did she give it to someone? Then I notice a loaf of wheat bread is gone and a bag of burger rolls, WTH!! also a 20pack glazed donut. I'm searching all over no signs no evidence. I clean fridge, as I prepare my Sunday dinner which is my lunch. Made beef shanks with gravy, bbq ribs and beef , mac and cheese cabbage with pigtail and neck bone., blue berry muffins didn't come out right. Fix my plate, my mother's plate. pack my lunch. Triple bag it because my mother goes into it and takes what she wants somethimes. Well this morning (Sun) No bag, no sign of it the foil, the containers. Whew!! I have always felt my mother naturally sabatoges me. Sometimes its intentional may all the time. Maybe I say naturally when I want to believe she honestly didn't have bad in mind. :) :( !!!!!! Anyways she used to always say "I'll fix you". I think I got fixed, - I showed her her messes as I cleaned, complained that she always soak the dish clothes and forgets them. They end up feeling cheesy and stinky. Well, I left her talking to the TV. This will be an unsolved mystery. I am still in that place of peace. I still don't know what got in my head to get me here but I was praying to be able to let go and let God. So this didn't seem to big of thing, it was kind of funny depending on which view I took. If I do the true dementia view well its funny. But a whole bag of food wrapped in foil and containers does not just disappear. I just hope it didn't go to waste. I didn't check the garbage was on my way out. If it was intentional or spite, well, I have lived with that for a long time. I guess I am getting over my bitterness. I just moved on like I do, took some sandwich meat, cheese and bread that I followed my mind to pick up on sat When I went to by something to replace the doughnuts. Gee whiz. Life is a beach LOL

I am still coming to terms with my girlfriend. Its still hard to believe, that the case with all my deceased love ones. I didn't think I would ever cry again after my father died. I was walking down street and just collapsed in a fit of mourning. It shocked me the way it hit. But not so, this is the deal with someone you really love and it never stops.

And the day of her memorial I go to work and I get hit with these excruciating pains stabbing, sharp pain at the bottom of my foot near the front. The next day it was off and on all day then stopped a few days then hit in morning a few times. Last I got it was early Friday after I slept in all day. Whew!!!. No injury no twist no fall. I have lymphedema in this right leg. I had a nice cut in front scraping it on a aluminum dust pan stick that bent. It bled a lot then it wept a lot and I got scared thinking this lymph fluid coming out is going to cause me a big problem and no insurance. but its healed now. Sometimes I feel if I'm not falling apart in the head then Its my body.
Not to mention it was 90 degrees today in NY and I have a little congestion which I'm on top of but is dangerous for me." Heavens to Mergatroy!!"

Well, I go in tomorrow morning to the molar pulled. The filling is very old and I'm hoping it is an easy extraction with no sectioning of the tooth.

duck - they are impossible. I am sure you are missing and grieving your friend ((((((hugs))))) Looks like these tomatoes are cherry tomatoes too. One plant we brought is is showing a few flowers since R tied up the part the wind blew over. It is fun watching them grow

sharyn -hope the extraction goes well and just gives you relief

upset - thinking of you and pj and your rapidly approaching "event". So happy for both of you!

stacey -wondering how you are surviving these days. Hope the sil and bil are not causing any problems. I know you have tons of family support.

Just got a call from CFIA E'ton and it happens that R texted that he was there in the front office so I think he will get to the right person. They will not do any testing so we will find a lab that will.

everyone - have a good day! Do something for you.

Hi Guys, I'm just checking in, and wanted to give a quick update on US!

I hate that I haven't been able to keep up on all of you and how you are all doing I'm at least 10 days behind and may Never cach up!), but gosh we've been busy!

So after my FIL passed away last Wednesday morning, I just happened to be on the phone with our lovely Nurse, as my FIL had spiked a fever that morning and I didn't know what to do about it, if anything (I knew he was transitioning into active dying).  He had been near comatose for nearly 50 hours, and that morning, I had checked him over and he didn't appear to be in any distress, as we had been keeping him medicated throughout the night with liquid meds, unable to suck a straw or swallow from the previous evening, so keeping his mouth moist with those spongettes, but again I checked his temp, 103.6, and I panicked a little. I cooled him down with wet clothes, turned back the covers, and left his room to call our Nurse. As I was on the phone with her, hubby noticed (on the baby monitor) that it didn't look like his Dad was breathing, and afraid to go in there himself, and me with the Nurse on the phone, I went back in, checked his breathing and pulse, and indeed he had passed away in that minute that I had left him, and I just broke down. I felt horrible that I wasn't with him, but as they say, sometimes they wait til you leave the room, but I do know that he was calm and comfortable,  just quietly shut down, God Love him! That second, hubby was right there with me, nurse still on the phone, trying to calm me dowith, telling me you take my time, really check him to see that he was indeed gone, it was such a surreal experience!

So now we've gotten all his burial arrangements made, and have planned a quiet low key memorial of sorts with just our kids, spouses and Grandies, to visit the Cemetery and his graveside next Sunday, and we will each read off our favorite memories of him, place flowers on their graves, and have a nice meal at his favorite waterfront restaurant near our home.

Interestingly enough, his Death Certificates are already in (so fast huh?), and now I can begin making calls and closing out his health and life insurance policies, SS, and closing banking accounts too. Hopefully I can get all this done in the next few days, and then we can get out of town on a drive vacation here in mid October, while the leaves are still changing.

My kids and family have all been terrific, very supportive and offering all sorts of help, but hubby and I are managing well, getting things put to rights around the house, as you might recall, my FIL moved into Assisted living for 9 weeks, which meant that my husband had to move all of his stuff back to our house, which was "a bit under construction with painting and clearing out projects, Uggg!) which made even More mess, it was Awful!

So we're plugging away, and now that all of the DME and hospital equipment is gone back, we've more room to work with, getting things put away again, and donating most of FIL THINGS, as I'm ready to put this whole ordeal in the past, as I've no interest in keeping any of it, and I hope that doesn't seem callous of me, heck, I'm wanting a fresh new start, even getting rid for my own (old) junk! Lol!

What a long long journey this has been!  He's in a better place with his beloved wife, and I'm feeling better about things now.   

Some of you might not know, but my husband and I entered our marriage with 2 kids each (a second marriage for us both), all under 5 years old at the time, and my youngest had to move out at 21, so that FIL could move in after his wife died, so we've never been alone in our married life ever! 33 years of being responsible for someone else! So now we'll really be testing each other, to see if we even Like each other anymore! Lol! We'll manage somehow, but it's Weird to think about, let alone figure out!

Thank you all for the warm messages, and all of your support, I'll be back when things settle down (and will try to catch up on my reading this thread), and now the meantime, Take Care Everybody! You all mean so much to me! Love, Stace ❤

Stacey, I may have missed it (and I'm really just being nosy), but I haven't seen anything about bad BIL or SIL through all this. Did they not show up?

Cwillie, oops, I forgot to mention, nope, bad brother and sister are both Big let downs, Neither bothering to come to see him in his illness and last days on earth, such poor excuses for human beings! Sister called twice, mainly to stir the pot over Bb, and he still is calling often, but mostly in attempts to relieve his own guilt, IMO, and always talking up his own "emergent" illness issues, so as to have an excuse not to come, and there's no reason to come now, thank you very much! He did offer to chip in 200 dollars towards the burial expenses though! Wow!

Stacey, I have been thinking about those two and for your sake am glad they didn't show up ....good riddance to bad rubbish and hopefully your hubs is done with them too. On the other hand I'm kind of sad for the old man, even if he did reap what he sowed.

Stacey, I know *exactly* what you mean by saying it was surreal when your FIL passed. It's an odd thing to be caring for someone and while you know death is coming, it still seems strange when it happens. You did a great job and I'm really proud of you. Fwiw, the "empty nest" period of a marriage is supposed to be a nice time in a marriage, according to a book I read. I hope it is for you.

Golden, what a strange happening with that soda pop!! That is horrifying!! No, you didn't need that. You're smart to get it documented independently of the place. Geesh, I'm sorry.

Sharyn, sorry for your toothache. So far in my life, I'm pretty fortunate with only needing braces but no cavities. My mom was big on fluoride treatments when I was a kid. Maybe that helped me? I'm lazier about flossing and brushing than I care to admit... o_0

Upset, how long will the work on the house be going on for? Good to be getting things accomplished.

Hey all, everyone, hope you're good. I'm back in south Chicago area and have unpacked the truck into the garage here. Everything needs cleaning and sorting. If I could go back in time I would figure out a different way to keep my things other than storing for forever and now some things, like my sectional sofa, look questionable as to whether or not I can clean them up sufficiently.

Glad, yeah, I did leave a lot of my dining room furniture there in Las Vegas, knowing I didn't need it for new place.

So, so, so, so much to do in the next week. I just keep saying "one day at a time." I've mapped out tomorrow's To-Do list. It's daunting lol but... somehow, it will all get done ok, things will work out.

Ali, I can't complain as I have not had an abscess since I was a child. My baby teeth came in bad for some reason. I was given floride tablets but every time I took them I ended up with kidney infections, not fun when your only 4 years old. I had braces too, 4 teeth were pulled for braces when I was 13. Last time I had a tooth pulled. I would like to save the tooth but with no insurance and mostly because of finances with a major move, just not doable. I don't want to charge it then have the payment to contend with right now. Flossing, I think we all are prone to not following through like we should haah!!

Sharyn I guess by now you are tired but relieved.
Cmag, forgive my ignorance but living out long term care insurance? How? Stepsister sounds wonderful and loving. Gee it would be nice if all sisters had same spirit. She sounds serious and has it all worked out. Lovely.
Golden, keep us posted on lab results. That is so crazy.

I came home today 1 container from my lunch was in fridge. The cabbage with neck bone and pig tail, it had gone bad. I surely hope my mother ate or gave that food away. Yikes. Got the man coming again for the fridge. Its not even five years old and the leaking water I turned the temp colder I think its better. Suction molding around door pulls gets sucked off door when you open it. I think we got a bad brand. I have seen fridges older that work better with no problems.

PJ and I have been trying to figure out where everyone is going to fit. Finally decided I'll move in his place until additions at my house are complete. My brother can stay put. Got all my health insurance application completed. All we have to do now is get married and fax a copy of marriage certificate and application to the benefit office. They said they would issue cards and send overnight before Oct 1st. Health insurance is not the most romantic reason for getting married, but in my case critical.

Ali, Glad that you're back home safely. Lots of work to do for you.

Stacey, Hope you get out of town quickly. 

I'm taking a few days off. Then next week the push will be on for getting everything done and ready for the caregiver center to open.

Stacey, my condolescenses to you and your family. You went through a lot and fought the good fight.
You and Hubby sound almost like the Brady Bunch :). If you too can stick together through all of that it sounds like you got a lot of love and will get to discover a whole lot. I wish you the best especially after you sort things out and hit the road. The Fall scenery is really something to behold.

Golden thanks for the hugs, and hugs to you. I think watching what you planted and God's work is soothing and therapeutic. A friend down the block is involved with different street gardens. There are times that the Botanical Gardens here give out left over bulbs to the gardens and she bought me a few. I had planned to plant them around this new everygreen bush in a pot. I am moving the baby hydrangea to either a tirepot or in a spot next to tree. Probably this week sometime. Then sit back and get surprised next year lol. I love gardening. I don't have much to work with. I'm thinking about trying the gladiolas again. I never got to see the first ones bloom. Saw some in store on Sunday. Used to be that there were gladiolas in every bouquet of flowers when I was growing up, now I hardly see them.

SharynM, how's that toothache of yours? And your new puppy, and the twins?

Golden, how's Mama and your new eyesight post surgery. I hope all is well!

Veronica, how are your eyes now too? Doing well I hope!

UpsetSister, your new caregivers community center sounds Fabulous!

SharynMMarie & golden25, & all of you that listened to my whine regarding my brothers text. I've still been in a tailspin over the ramifications & what he'll do. He's disfunctional so I'm sure he's stewing & although I wish that saying he's done is the truth, my experience is its not. I've kept a civil long distance relationship with him for years. We are not long distance, always been within 25 miles of each other. 2-3 visits a year for 2 hour meal. Anyway if I wasn't taking care of mom we wouldn't have been at a gathering together. Being moms caregiver puts me in sight of all of this disfunction. I was thinking if he goes for guardianship, I would feel bad because mom would go to his garage bedroom--which she always said she didn't even want to spend a night in. Or to a nursing home but I would get relief & be able to be done with all of them. I didn't think through everything involved in caring for mom. Uuuggghhhhh I'm still whining & there are so many bigger problems on here.

Momshelp, do you have DPOA ( durable power of attorney)? Has your brother said or threaten to get guardianship? Can you get guardianship? It is an expensive process taking up to 8 months.

Stacey, my tooth was removed in sections to avoid perforating the sinus. I'm still numb and waiting for the norco to kick in just so I can relax and sleep. Buster is quiet the cutie, full of energy, bouncing and do funny to watch. I am happy that hubs has been following through so well plus I get joy seeing how he enjoys Buster. There are times when Buster is a bit too much, but he is a puppy. He will begin puppy training at petsmart in a couple weeks. He already understands sit and stay.

Blessings to you Stacey and your dear hubby, take care and enjoy that much earned vacation.

I logged on to Facebook to see my son had marked safe regarding the canyon fire in SoCal. I tried to text him but the message failed. It is probably because his employment has no cell service due to the fire.

SharynMMarie, ouch your tooth! I get my teeth cleaned in 4 sections, that's how much of a sissy I am. Yes I have medical & financial POA & im successor trustee. No he didn't threaten, I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop & I know I have to stop that. I've looked into guardianship & since I have everything else I don't want to spend the money & involve the courts. I'm just thinking that would be a vindictive route he can take.