The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Brenda, welcome to the thread. I am a floodplain manager, not in Texas. From all I have seen and read, a great deal of the problem with the flooding is due to the different jurisdictions not requiring developers to plan project detention or pay for improvements to whatever infrastructure there is in the area. Maybe like Arizona, the jurisdictions plan on floodwaters being carried by the streets, without stormwater drainage systems. That is a matter of local policy.

On insurance, when we finance a home we are all offered flood insurance even if the home is not located in the floodplain. Those of us, not in the floodplain, usually decline the coverage. To be covered by insurance in a flooding situation for FEMA assistance and coverage you need to carry the rider on the policy.

It will be interesting to see how this all works out. As there are FEMA regulations in place that communities are required to incorporate into their own regulations to be included under the FEMA umbrella, no pun intended.

It is very disturbing the flooding that occurred in Houston as it was New Orleans, flooding on the east coast as a result of Sandy. FEMA permitted New Orleans to rebuild, below sea level. The government has known this for years. Why did this happen? Because there is an exemption for historic properties if rebuilt with same materials to maintain historic integrity.

Lesson learned, if there is the remote chance that you may be flooded, purchase the flood coverage. If you are not located in a FEMA designated 100-year floodplain the coverage is relatively cheap.

I am curious though about why it would make a difference whether you are living there or not. Had you changed your address to somewhere other than your Texas home. I would think that the priorities would lie with homes that were occupied especially if there is no flood insurance on it.

And then there is always the question of insurance on a structure that is not occupied at the time of an event. If you are not occupying you need to notify your insurance company and it will effect your premiums. I know, I had a fire at my home. After the rebuild, I was not living in the area any longer and listed the house for sale. How much did my insurance premium increase? It went from $1,200.00 a year to $4,300.00 a year simply because it was not occupied.

Brenda and Whirl, welcome aboard. Ali I am not up to date with what is going on but I am wishing you the best in all.

This site is full of so much insight wisdom and experience. I love reading the rundowns given issues, legal or otherwise, its very informative and good to know.

Hi All, it's been a very busy day today for us. I was in a minor car accident last Saturday. I was the lead car at stop light, and was rear-ended by the guy behind me, His Fault, Obviously! Grrr!

But the guy was a total jerk, screaming and swearing at me, very aggressive and calling me filthy names and trying to intimidate me, it was so scary! So I called the police and my husband, and soon, both arrived. The cop told us to move our cars over to a pull out on the side of the road, and I got out to take pix of the damages to my car, and his, as well as his license plate, and he began screaming at me again! The cop told him to STFU! LOL!

ANYHOO, today we took my car into the adjuster and auto collision clinic, the guy has Geico insurance, who have been pretty amazing, actually, the've called me several times to check on me, and to arrange the rental car, which was there ready at the collision clinic.

We drove off in a nice compact car, but on the way home, my sister called to say that our reservation for the Condo (her time-share, she gave us a weeks stay!!!) was able to be made and confirmed in only a 3 day notice, and we are leaving for Lake Tahoe, with a drive through the "AVENUE OF THE GIANTS" Redwood Forest, in Northwestern California, in route to Lake Tahoe, we leave this Friday! And a free weeks stay at her Condo, WOWWEE!

We're So Excited, to finally get to getting away, and to a place we both love! The drive through the AVENUE OF THE GIANTS is gorgeous 40 mile detour off of SR 101 coastal hi-way, and the giant Redwood trees are an incredible sight to see, if you've never been, you must put it on your bucket list! (GOOGLE THIS to check it out!)

There are several tourist trap like places, where you can actually Drive Through a Giant Redwood Tree, and take a pix of your car while doing it, cheesy, but fun!

This part of the trip always reminds me of old family vacations to Disneyland and The California coast, it always puts me back into the 60's & 70's Era Vibe, Lol! Now where did I put my bellbottom Jean's and my Halter-top? Oops, that was about a million years and an additional 100#'s ago! Lol!

So we got home with the compact rental car, and I decided I wanted a more luxury and Bigger car for our trip, so we turned it in for a nice SUV, as my (new) car which is being fixed is a Lincoln MKX SUV, and that's what we intended on driving in, so now we've got "Nice wheels" to really enjoy the road trip! I Love a good Road Trip this time of year, with the weather and the turning Fall Colored leaves should be a nice distraction to the recent passing of my FIL.

Our Sunday Memorial turned out Lovely, with all our kids and Grandies. Dinner afterwards, it was super nice! All our kids showed up dressed up, and looking so Smart! I'm such a Proud Mama!

I still have some executive duties to perform, closing out FIL's 2 pensions, and his Life Insurance policy as well, then we're all done, except for a few Hospital bills that I'm sure will trickle in.

Headed to Wallymart now, for some odds and ends for our trip, and early to bed for a fresh start in the morning, tying up loose ends before Fridays launch on our 1st Vacation in over 10 years together! Whew, I can't believe it's been that long! Last time we did this trip, it was in our Corvette Convertible, but my Charlie-girl isn't up for the wind and the sun, so not an appropriate "ride", for her. It's gonna be Great and I Can't Wait!!! I probably won't be able to sleep tonight, Again!!!

Love to you you all!!!

Stacey, Have a wonderful trip to Tahoe.

Today thru Friday is the count down to opening the caregiver center. We have our open house on Sunday afternoon. Monday will be our first day of service. Counselor/Therapists/Social Workers have fairly full schedules for next week. I'm excited to open, but nervous too. Hopeful that things will go smoothly. All of the staff has been hired and everyone has been working this week to get everything set up. We have our telephone system installed. A local business that was expanding donated their old system. A huge system and it is exactly what I wanted. They were kind to send their receptionist over to train our administrative person how to use. Computer tech from the University will be here today to install everyone's computer's. They did all of connection wiring yesterday. So much to do.

My mother's memory, and hearing. Are going in tandem.

We were at the dentist yesterday(we both had our teeth cleaned) and the dental hygienist who we have seen for several years. Noticed what I told her. I told my father(he lives near the house) tonight. He wants me to let him know if it gets' worse.

My aunt(retired nurse) keeps denying there is a problem.

C'est la vie

Hi Chris. Been there, still there . Don't know how the caregivers stay sane. I clean a lot. Lol. But true

Very early fall, and look what came in as a volunteer! Snow by early next week.

My mother has a deepening problem. It started off with her legs oozing water a couple of months ago. We handled that and it got better. For the past two weeks she keeps changing socks, talking about them being dripping wet. I feel them and they are dry. She doesn't accept it and keeps changing, going through multiple pairs in a day since she wears double socks under her slippers.

Today she came to my room and said I needed to call the drainage guy about all the water on the back porch. I told her not to worry, that it was dry. She said her feet got wet just walking out there in all the water. She told me to watch the washing machine, because it was probably coming out of there. I needed to call someone and get a new washing machine, too.

I'm listening to her and looking out of the bone-dry concrete on the enclosed back porch. The washing machine is setting there looking normal. She can feel the water with her feet and hands, she said. She's not crazy, she knows it's there.

I read something about a disorder where cold feet feel wet to a person. When it feels wet to hands and they can see water, though, is different. I guess it is filling in the blanks so that everything fits together. I don't know why she can't be reassured that all is okay about the water. She doesn't recognize, and won't accept, that anything is wrong with her brain, so it must be wrong with the daughter.

Erin, She isn't close to drooling. But her driving still bothers me. She weaves a lot on the interstate.  She ran over the rumble strips a number of times.

Hi Chris. Neither is mine close to drooling. Thank you God. She takes her own meds , bathes nightly. Does wear same clothes until reminded to change them. She drives once a month. 5 miles to the hair dresser. My mom has next to no short term memory, diagnosed with MCI with amnesiac features about a year ago. I just clean a lot to escape the repitition of her questions. I may have posted on a different thread . Sorry if I was confusing.

Jesse, cold feet, wet feet. My feet get very cold this time of year and they feel wet in socks because my feet are sweating, so socks are wet, so they get cold.

L had walked around in wet socks for years. Turned out he had a cyst, the size of a pocket watch on the bottom of his foot. Finally talked him into having it removed. It became infected and he was admitted to the hospital with MRSA. A three week stay, a toe amputated, then to rehab for three weeks. He recovered and really wished he had had that cyst removed years ago. This had been going on for at least twenty years.

Poor L. The cure was worse than the problem in his case. At least the outcome was good.

My mother goes to a podiatrist every 3 months. The doctor said her feet looked fine a couple of weeks ago. The disorder I was reading about was due to false signals being sent to the brain that cold feet were wet. She does do double socks under slippers, so I know her feet sweat. She wraps her toes in toilet paper -- she has for years -- because she said her feet sweat so badly. The toilet paper is dry when she removes it, so she may have had this wet feet thing for years.

It's hard to figure out how to deal with things like this. I can't call in repairmen to fix imaginary water. We went through another thing for several years that the floor was sinking under her when she walked. She wanted to have the foundation fixed. Now we've gone from sinking floors to water seeping from her feet and washing machine.

Let me up! I've had enough crazy for one lifetime.

Jessie, is your mom diabetic with neuropathy? Neuropathy can cause sensations in the feet and legs.

What a day. Movers were here at 9 and of course it was going to be a hectic day but move ended up being 2x as long as they estimated from my accurate description, 2x as expensive. The guys took out the clothes in my dresser and armoire and put into boxes, why? It took longer and now I have to put them all back. Well, whatever, spent all day just moving boxes into new place. My stupid sectional sofa that I wanted to keep, paid storage for, paid to put it on truck and move it across the country, paid someone else to put in garage here for past week, paid to put it on this truck, move it into new place, and at some point I just realized that the poor sofa has had it and the back part isn't even still screwed into the base and the cream color slipcovers are just beyond the help of cleaning and the lovely rattan work is all rubbed off... and I had the guys move it back out of the new place and put in the trash. :-P That pretty much sums up my move today.

I squatted down to move a box at new place and split the entire butt seam of my worn-out work jeans lol. All the clothes were boxed up!!! So I borrowed one of the movers' sweatshirt to tie around my waist until they unpacked the clothes boxes and I could dig through them to find something else. I know I'll find that hilarious someday, but today is not the day!

I'm back at the old house today, will try to get some much needed sleep and then figure out how much I can tackle tomorrow and what is a priority. Still so much work to do, if I stopped to think about it, it would be overwhelming... and I'm just still not at all sure this move -- to this place -- is a good idea but I'm hoping that's just jitters and things will somehow work out.

Got a voicemail from Trust Officer today. I listen to the message with my heart in my throat, pit in my stomach, I just want to know what they're going to decide about whether or not to reimburse my receipts, I so much want to hear the words that they will approve it... 

They're going to meet again about it next week. ARG!!!

This is par for course, it's been a miserable experience dealing with them, it's going to be rocky until I'm done done. One step at a time.

I'm feeling so unsure about everything but I'm hoping a lot of that is due to -- it's a big change, it's a lot of money, it's an unsure future, I'm on my own (which is what I want but it does come with uncertainty, especially right now), everything in front of me is So Much Work yet to do... I'm tired, it's a full moon, big things haven't gone well or worked out for me in some time but it won't be like that forever...

I'm so terrified that I physically feel a little ill. I took a bit of a Valium and I'm eating and I'll rest and try to figure out what I can tackle tomorrow.

I know I just have to keep plodding along but this all feels strange. I've always been self directed in moves before, I knew I wanted to move someplace, it felt like the right thing to do. This feels different. But maybe that's just because I'm older, a little more worn from the past 6 years.

Any which way, no matter what happens, all I can do is give myself a break for the rest of the night and try to be ready to work my way through more things tomorrow.

Ali keep your chin up and your thoughts moving forward! That is all we can do.. best of luck and good vibes being sent your way from MAryland!!

Ali, Moves are traumatic and almost always in my experience something goes wrong. But it will work out in the end. You'll have so many more job opportunities. Hoping that everything will be better tomorrow.

Definitely having an anxiety attack for several hours now. It's manageable and I took a little medicine just now to help. A lot of stressful things coincided today and one stressful thing - the MOVE - would've been enough, thank you. I'm glad I have this thread. I don't want to burden friends or family and what can they say to help, anyway? I did realize on the hour drive back to house tonight that, if nothing else, it will be good to live in a location where there is so much nice diversion close by if I need to get out and take my mind off things for a bit.

Edit:  just saw your posts, Pam and Upset, and Thank You!!  I know it's just a lot on one day.  Whew!  Thank you!!  (((((hugs!))))) and thanks for the kind words and reassurance.  

duck -sorry your mum is getting worse. I think you have to leave your sis and nephew out of the the loop, Just do what you have to do.

ali - hope it all works out well. This is a very emotional time for you. I am with madge - treat yourself, maybe whether you get reimbursed or not! What a day you have had!!! I do think you will find the split seam funny at some point, but it must have been the last straw today. Pat yourself in the back. You are doing well. Personally, I hate moving.

whirled - welcome! We all hate dysfun families. I hear you about feeling alone. Only those who have been through it understand. Others think you are nuts. BTDT. Good for you for looking after dad.

Brenda - welcome to you too. Glad is a real expert on flooding situations. I hope you get something sorted out in your favour. It isn't any good for you to live where you are depressed and angry.

stacey - that was very scary. I am glad the cop put him in his place. I am glad too that the family events after fil's passing went well and am not surprised that you got emotional. You gave so much to him. You will be off on a wonderful holiday soon. Enjoy - you deserve it.

upset - The bathroom arrangement sounds good. You have worked so hard getting the center going. Prayers for Sunday to go well. The community support has been amazing. I an sure it will be a tremendous boon for the caregivers.

chris - you have made some progress since your dad wants to know if it gets worse. Good for you.

erin - cleaning is good, I should do more!

Oh jessie - first the floors moving and now water accumulating. I don't know how you do it. Enough crazy for a lifetime for sure.

glad - that was too bad about L and the cyst and a good lesson to deal with things sooner rather than later. 

sharyn - let us know how the job application goes

Wondering how everyone is - trying, guest, margeaux, heart, cm, rainey,and everyone else who posted somewhat regularly.

I have been busy and will address that in a separate post.

Finally after much research, many phone calls and emails by R and I, we have found a lab in E'ton that will do the testing. I am surprised that some of the other labs could not point us in their direction. I have told them that I want to know if the material is human tissue, disintegrated by the acid of the soda. The contact I have there cautioned us to hang onto the bottle and contents, and not send them to the company until we have our own results, which is exactly what we intend to do. So moving along... I asked for an estimated cost range and they are preparing it. I guess I should go to the press about it at some point. but I really don't want to.

AB health sent information about the ratings for facilities, so I checked the website out, and compared one we listed with the one mother is in, and it rates a bit better in most areas. That makes me feel good as she is happy and generally well cared for where she is (apart from the meds mistakes).

Starting to look for an interim/transition living arrangement in E'ton. I am not up to the heroics that some of you have gone through, or are going through. I need to make this as easy on me as possible.

Did something to one knee walking in the woods last week, and finally it is getting better with the help of a nsaid which is also making me sleep well at night and be dopey in the daytime, so I am cutting back on it. I like a good sleep, but can't handle anything making me dopey in the daytime,.

The leaves are falling now, but the show was great for a while. Looks like they are finally cleaning up across the street, so we can look forward to not having heavy equipment noises before 7 a.m. any more. Yay!

Take care all and do something good for you.

Golden, So happy you found a lab. I hope find what out what the mystery material is.

Ali, Hope the anxiety eases up.

One more day to work on the center. PJ has been a big help with last minute details and also training some of the staff on software we're going to be using. We're completely booked up for next week for both individual assistance and groups.

I'm getting used to the boys. The twins are fun, pranksters and very friendly. Twelve yr old is quieter, good student and avid reader. He sings in a boys choir, plays the piano and plays 7th grade flag football.

Someone at work is heading to Nova Scotia next week for vacation to view the changing leaves and color. My first thought was "isn't it too late for Nova Scotia?" I have no idea. Golden? Upset? It is too late in the mountains here. Just guessing too late for Nova Scotia too? I didn't say anything to this person as I just have no idea.

Golden, great you found a lab. Very surprised that was so difficult!

thx upset They said they can do the analysis. I want to move this process on. We are nearly done with the insurance claim. It would be good to have only the regular things to do. Those and getting ready to sell next year are enough for me. Pj is a treasure! I had 3 boys and several extras at times in the teens. It worked out fine. The 12 year old is talented!

glad - I looked on the internet and late September through early October is good for colouring in NS. Of course that can vary for any year. They may be lucky. We are surprised it was so difficult to find a lab too and relieved that we have.

Ali, just get some sleep, you deserve it! Do not think about what needs to be done next, it will be there to figure out when you are rested. Just turn off that brain switch.🌜

Hi all, well yesterday, my chest wall pain, stress and Anxiety symptoms started to act up again, and this time I wasn't going to wait and end up in hospital like last time in July! So I saw my Dr, and yep, it's the old post caregiving Trifecta, and my Dr did all sorts of tests, again, all normal except for the elevated white count, Again, and there was no way I was going to the hospital again, where they ran every known test to man and came up empty handed and found no infection nor hot Gallbladder, so she started me on Buspirone and beta blocker, to calm my fight or flight hormone surges, in hopes that I can get this back under control quickly, and get my head on straight!

We leave bright and early tomorrow, 4am, to sunny California! Then over to Lake Tahoe, and you probably won't be hearing from me for week, as I intend on going very low Internet usage, ON THE DOWN LOW, as they say! My husband deserves at least that much from me, after all we've been through these past 6 months! I'm gonna do my level best to concentrate on our marriage, relaxing, and having a good time together, to remind ourselves why we fell in love in the first place all those years ago. I think it can be done, Lol!

Golden, Yea you found a lab! I hope the substance turns out to be simple glove powder, reacted to the absorbing acid in the soda. Still a very strange situation!

UpsetSister, good luck with your launch!

Glad, Snow? No Way! Hope we don't see any of that on our trip!

SharynM, how's the kids and pups? I'll bet its beautiful in your neck of the woods!

Rainy, hiya Love, hope all is fine with you!

Send, Love you Girl!

Jessie Love, just Jheez Jessie, that Mother of yours! Lol!

Alli, hang in there Sweetie!

CM, hi love!

Where the heck is Margeaux? Lol!

Trying, hey girl!

Cmagnum,  hi Buddy! 

Ya'll take care this week! Love, Stacey

Stacey,
If you are near Stateline and want to splurge in Tahoe go to the chart house for dinner and reserve a table by the window before sundown
If you like Italian then try Scuzi
I love Tahoe

Ali,
we're not friends? 😂😂

Glad, In general the leaves here weren't the prettiest this year. Now they're past peak. Nova Scotia might be a little better. This hasn't been a big tourist season from what I've read in the newspaper.

Madge I thought the same thing. Ali, aren't we friend's😢

Ali, I hear you with all the work, uncertainty, etc with moving. It has been a very rough undertaking for me too. Even though I have my hubs and dd, the unpacking and placement of things is my domain. I still have yet to put any pictures up on the walls. I don’t regret moving yet there are times I want to go home ( California). My reason is I feel I don’t have freedom here because poor dd is texting me first thing in the morning wanting to know what I want to do today!! I love dd and the boys but honestly, I need a few days break in between them being here. Lol!!! Get rest Ali, I found with moving I tire out and just need to be still.

No word on the job front as yet.

Stacey, anxiety attacks. Great that you went to the dr quickly. I had to take beta blockers after my mom passed away too. Enjoy the redwoods, it is a beautiful drive on 101. Lake Tahoe will be pretty this time of year too.

We are settling into the 60’s here with some frost in the mornings. Yes there are areas with pretty fall color. Going to take a walk along the Greenbelt/Boise River.

Golden, finally a lab that will test it, good news!! I can well imagine you are relieved.

Enjoy the day in a manner that is best for you!