The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Madge, Glad, it took me a minute to figure out you guys are referring to! Hahahaha! Yeah, wrong way to put it! You guys and this site are the best friends!

I slept and feeling better.  I'm tempted to just relaaaaax for a bit after yesterday but I'm in a phase of my life where it's going to take a lot of work to get things on track and I've been reading and thinking about some motivational thoughts, the idea of finding Joy in the Work. Time to get busy!

Golden, I'm glad you have your lab, and agree with Stacey - hopefully it's "just" gloves but I'd want to know, too.

Stacey, I've had blood tests come back with elevated white blood cell counts before, used to happen every test for years. I think it's related to autoimmune issues. You know, of course, the stress you've been under will kick up some autoimmune reactions if you're susceptible to them. I think autoimmune plays a big role in why I get all my common physical ailments, including the anxiety. My stress goes up and something in my body goes a bit sideways. I'm wishing you a super relaxing vacation time with husband. Being out in majestic nature is always soothing to me.

Sharyn, thank you. I didn't realize you were looking for work, too. Good luck!

Happy Friday to everyone. Hope it's a nice fall weekend for you.

My white count has been slightly elevated the last 2 years. It does bug me a bit but my dr has reassured me it is not cause for alarm. He did redo the test a few months later with no change.

Stacey,

I read yesterday that your FIL passed away. I'm so sorry about that, and just wanted to offer my condolences.
You and your husband were very dedicated caregivers to him. May his spirit soar very high.

Much Love & Light,
Margeaux

This is going to be a day where I want to go home lol!!! Boise and Nampa have had the worse city planners. Ex: there will be a franklin street east, franklin blvd east and directions are to take franklin road east?? Shopping centers you can turn into the parking lot from the Main Street in front of the center, you can't make a left turn out of the center onto the same Main Street. You have to drive through the entire shopping center to find a side street where you can turn left even if it means taking the side street and driving behind the shopping center 2-3 blocks away. Idahoians do not know how to merge onto the freeway/hiway. You have to break to let them on because they will not gain the right speed to merge smoothly. We could not find the boise green belt by directions off the internet which is a lack of updates from whoever manages such things. It's not the first time since we've been here that this has happened. I'm laughing but very frustrated at the same time. End of rant lol!!

Sharynmarie in our small city in order to be classified a city there had to be a certain number of different named street. therefor at every 4 way stop you cross the intersection onto a differentt named street. the main crime her is not stopping at 4 ways and running red lights.!

Veronica, lol! That is funny!!!

(((((((stacey)))))) glad you went to your doctor promptly and got some meds to help. You have been through so much for so long. Take good care of yourself and enjoy your time with hubby and all the wonderful scenery etc. I doubt it is glove powder - way too much of it. Very strange indeed

madge - the chart house sounds good to me

sharyn - no pictures up? I will be the same. Dear dd!!! She is so enjoying having you close, but you do need a break some times. Prayers for a job. Can't believe we haven't had a frost here yet though there may be a little drift of snow Sunday. Very unusual. I am relieved about the lab. The guy I have spoken too is very helpful. He asked if there was going to be a law suit. I guess I need to visit a lawyer at some point.

ali - so much stress!!! I am glad you got some sleep. You have a lot to organize yet and accomplish. I agree about the WBC count and stress and autoimmune issues. We need to protect ourselves as much as possible from the stress. Prayers for your job hunting too.

Margeaux - good to hear from you. How are you and how is your mum?

Veronica - that is funny!

upset - you are in the last minute "frenzy" of getting the center ready for the opening tomorrow, with pj by your side. I know it will go well. but be sure to let us know.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. Try to make life a little easier on yourself - treat yourself to something good.

Margeaux, I also would like to know how you are and how your mom is doing. Is your sis still managing her day to day care?  Always great to see a post from you.  

Upset, I'm excited for your caregiver center to open. You may have mentioned, but I didn't see: what is the format going to be for services offered? Is it a walk in place or will there be weekly group meetings for support? Both? Will you have a medical device pantry where people can drop off gently used devices - walkers, wheelchairs, etc. - for donation? They have that at the senior center here and I've always thought it was such a good idea.

Well the good news and the bad news came to me one after the other. The good news was first - my sis is getting married. I am delighted for her. She has always wanted to be married again after she was widowed. It will keep her busy, hopefully and having less interest in what I am doing or not doing. There has been a little sense of jealousy over R and I. This has happened quite fast. Last I knew a couple of years ago she was dating someone else, who then developed dementia, and she was visiting him in his facility this past May.

The bad news is that a cousin's wife has died of cancer - aged 76. She has been ill for quite a while, She was a warm and caring person, and will be missed by many. My cousin and she were married for some time, and though it was a third for him and second for her, it was a very successful union. We all were happy they had found one another.

Re moving - I am thinking the less I take with me, the better. I like shopping better than moving. Dd asked if I was taking the leather sofa set, as it would work well in her place. I think I will give it to them. It would make me happy to think of them using it and I have had it quite a while, so it doesn't owe me anything. For sure I will bring the old dark oak dining set and side tables from my childhood home, but I don't care much about the rest of it. What a freeing thought!!!

Darn knee is still acting up. It has been bashed a few times over the years. So back to nsaids till it is better. My morning walk is 15 minutes now and then it lets me know it is enough.

tried to post but lost it!! Try again later. Take care everyone

Alibo.. I just moved from beautiful coastal Oregon to Texas. I took one suitcase, my two dogs and shipped my car. I gave everything to my church. Antiques, included. It feels very good to really clean house and own minimul things.

And sold my house in 30 days, full price. I know this move was overseen by My Lord.

I think we're set for the open house tomorrow. I've going over all of my lists twice. Tomorrow morning I have some food to fix.

Ali, We will have support groups and individual counseling. We also have a reading and resource room. There is also a social center. Caregivers can drop in if they need a break away from home for an hour or two. I'm not sure about the used equipment. The state is fairly good with assistance on needed equipment. That might be an option later.

We also have small private offices to be used for meetings with social workers. We have a social worker who is experienced with applying for Medicaid. We have put together packets with all of the information on Medicaid, what documentation you need, etc. it's relatively easy in Maine. The rules are the same as other states, but from what I've heard they are very helpful and work quickly. The wait time isn't as long as some places unless you are trying to get a home care waiver. We also will be able to help caregivers apply to get some pay for their caregiving duties. You can get up to 28 hours per week.

We have set up resource folders for caregivers with all of the telephone numbers, programs, listing of care homes, skilled nursing facilities, nursing homes, etc. also, information on low income senior housing, Meals on Wheels, nutritional counseling, psychiatric services, and gerontology services. I've tried to think of everything, but I'm positive I'll discover things that I forgot or simply did not know about.

We still have not had frost - totally strange. Our temperatures are definitely above normal. Everything is different from normal. However, we did have the beautiful full harvest moon. Near the coast in Maine is one of the best places to view.

Hope everyone is having a peaceful weekend. We have a houseful because of Columbus Day and Canadian Thanksgiving weekend.

I have to catch up.

Upset I am so happy for your opening. It all happened so fast for you that I know it was God's hand with your gift. God Bless. I am sure the opening was great.

Sharyn, You enjoy your trip. sounds like fun all the crazy street names and routes. WTF? is fun.

Golden, sorry to hear about that knee issue, and death family member. Your sister getting married gives me hope. For real. I think the knee pain is the weather changes. I sit down to long it becomes a process to get up. lol. not just the knees ligaments in the groin area too! lol

ali

I thought I lost the previous post Whew.
Ali, hang in there step by step.

Veronica that must really be a small town! Do they put every incident in the paper like my town.

Oregongirl, that sounds so wounderful to pick up and start all over. Takes a lot of guts to even think about.

Golden, take care of that knee. Sis getting married? Wow there is hope. My mom married the second time on her 80th birthday, chosen because she thought she would never forget their anniversary.😢

Ali hope you find work soon and something you want to do. Many of us know how difficult it is and the longer it takes, the more stressful it becomes.

Upset, good luck with the opening.

Sharyn, those changing street names are in many places. You will get used to it with time.

sharyn -so frustrating to lose a post, as is driving in a new place.

oregon - leaving with a suitcase sounds good to me.

upset - you reminded me that it is Thanksgiving this weekend in Canada. R is coming up next week. I will fix him a turkey dinner. 🍗 🎃
Sounds like you are ready and have your bases covered. I expect you will figure out more things for your caregivers as you go along. Hope you and pj are relaxing tonight.

duck - I pulled a tendon I think. It is not good to sit for too long, and the weather does make a difference.

glad - have you decided on another pet yet? Yes, there is hope. Sis is 81 though she doesn't look it..

Must finish the laundry and head off to bed 💤 Nite all!

No, Golden, I have not decided on another pet yet. I am with my kids this weekend and must say arranging the trip to the corn maze was much easier not having to worry about Macy. I just do not know. I think a cat is a better idea.

I already posted a long whine.
I just learned my sister is healthcareproxy for my mother. I have no problem if she wants to be in charge. Its just that I feel malice. she seems to be gifted at sabatoge. she told my own son I was trying to hurt my mother and trying to take over the house. I have witnessed the same character defamation during intake with my mother for meals on wheels. She and my nephew tried to stop that also thinking I had some alterior motive. I accidently discovered my mother rwas going to doctor, my sister came home early. So I decided to go there and see if her dementia was being addressed. I called and I guess wrong move because I explained my sister was keeping me out of the loop of my mother's care and I wanted to speak with doctor about her dementia being addressed. they said they were addressing it she had been given a pill but he would evaluate if she is taking it. ( MY sister hides the pills) So when they said they would communitcate my call with my sister I said okay no problem.I got there and it waslike I was a villain. I could not get any info. Because my mother was done the doctor said he could not discuss things but the look he gave made me feel like my sister told him a bunch of her lies about me. I am so thirsty for true justice with her. I had already come to terms with her and my mother they were a tag team but my mother in all her ugly knew I would take it because of my love. My sister is a different story. I have no trust in or for her. I am getting to a point of disliking her for her character and morals. I am so tired of being wrongfully judged and persecuted by her and my mother and now my nephew. I lhavent don't anything ever wrong to anyone of them except the altercation with my sister and I grabbed her as she raised her hand to strike me and caught my self but gave her a good go
So here I go again. I think because I very seldom stand up and that I was actually in denial that they both felt free reign in their sabatoge and spite. I don't care about the proxy but I do have a right to know what is being done for my mothers care.

One part of my heart tells me she deserves what she is getting, this poor quality of care and addressing and forseeing her needs and safety. I have tried to not see and not do as far as feeling responsible maintain a clean environment and make sure she is eating. My sister just started seriously bringing her food in this last month. The dog pees constantly in the hall. Sometimes its puddles on the floor. My sister has yet to pick up a mop or do anything as far as cleaning if she buys for my mother the change is in the bag. She does not even look in the refrigerator. Sometimes there are two milks in ther or old molded tomato that she didn't eat andthen she gets two more. My mothers tub was allway disgusting. I used to come and clean when I wasn't there. Its just a mess. I am so frustrated, I find it hardtop communicate this queen of eygpt syndrome my sister had. When I rented the ground floor of her (then) boyfriend house under them (this was after many years of him asking me, renters were not paying and the rent was too high) he was going to lose the house. The bank was sending me notices that I could stay on as a renter. Well he put my sisters name deed and that was to get them off his back. She got mad at me because I wouldn't give her the rent. Ionly paid him. She started ranting this is MY house. I just hope and pray for some kind of true justice when it comes to me and my sister. I hope one day she is made accountable for her malice.

I look at my mother and because of her personality she suffers. She has always been independent and self righteous her feet are constantly swollen now because she wont lay down. Last night she was in living room sitting in chair knocked out. I tried to get her to come up stairs then to lay on the sofa. Finally I just put a storage container with pillow under her feet. As far as my family is concerened, even when my father was alive, I never knew the concept of fairness. This is why I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Why I hope maybe one day I meet the man of my dreams in my old age and have some one I can trust and love and who truly cares about me. Or just plain old peace and freedom from someone else's sabatoge of my character, my intentions and who I am.
I pray the truth blows up in the matter and shatter all those delusions. I have my own issues and am far from perfect I just try and treat people like I want to be treated. I am at a point where I don't think I can even talk to my sister because e she might do a self righteous look and make me flip. I have so much pent up. I spoke to my counselor on phone before I went to doctors office. Then of course my phone died so I couldn't call her while I was there. Although I am a nurse I have never used a proxy to withhold information. Neverhad to except the regular HIPPA. They wouldn't even tell me when the next apt is so I canspeake to doctor my self. My sister is not going to tell me anything. she don't even answer her phone when I call.

Duck, just a suggestion, come up with a name to call your sister. Aren't you fortunate to have just one of them? I think calling mine twisted 1 and 2 helped me to distance myself emotionally from them. More later, I have been just where you are.

Hi ALL, We're here in Sunny Lake Tahoe and its Gorgeous! The weather is perfect, cold and sunny this morning, but going to be in the low 70's later on. Our trip down was So beautiful, both hubby and I love to car travel My little Charlie-girl is the perfect traveler as well, and loves sitting in her look-out carseat, between the front 2 seats. We have a special doggie carrier that allows us to bring her into Casinos and restaurants, as well as a pooch pouch front pack, as she is so tiny and well behaved at only 5 pounds, we never have had any problems with that. Everybody Loves my Charlie!!

So my Dr Rx' d me a beta blocker, which is fine, no problem, but the Buspirone Rx is a terrible drug for me, causing me more side effects that what it is supposed to be fixing!
Dizziness, headache, and I feel completely off kilter, like I'm drunk or something, so I had to discontinue it, after only 4 doses. There is just no way I could enjoy my 1st vacation in a long time, feeling like that.  I am hoping that time away,  with just hubby and I enjoying all of this beautiful nature will restore my  own personal internal ballance, unless there is something really wrong with me, and I'll have to let my Dr sort it.

I know that my DR did All sorts of labs studies on me, autoimmune and endocrine,  which she will review with me when I return. 

The high white count is a mystery, but clearly autoimmune,  so I'm a mess it seems. Today, Not taking the Buspirone,  I'm still feeling anxious, but the chest wall pain has subsided thank God,  as I couldn't have managed a flare up like the last one, while on vacation! 

Lots of fun things planned for today,  up the Gondola at Heavenly Mountain,  then driving to Old Western VIRGINIA CITY, which once was an old mining town. You can imagine how thrilled Coin Collector hubby just loves being in Good Rush area, Lol! We may tour the CARSON CITY Mint, if we have time today, he just Loves that stuff!

So we're off, and I hope you all are enjoying your Sunday! HUGS!!!

Stacey,
Enjoy the heavenly gondola and be sure to get off at the lookout point
Enjoy an ice cream cone after the ride for me

Depending on how long you're there - also look into taking the mark twain riverboat cruise - about 2 hours on the lake

If you don't want to venture far for dinner then hit the buffet on the top floor at Harrah's

Ms Madge, I want you to be my trip planner. Have fun Stacey.

Duck, I'm sorry you're having the problems with your family.

We had the Open House this afternoon. Good turnout and several new people signed up for groups. Things went smoothly except for a group of parents of some disabled children's and young adults. They have been arguing for a month or so that we are discriminating because they cannot use our services or facilities. They have been told by Senior Services that they are not eligible. I explained to them that our program was strictly to meet the specialized needs of caregivers of the elderly and that we simply could not be all things to all people. There are centers close by for their needs.

All in all not a bad day. We're getting up at dawn to go to Freeport for all of the big Columbus Day sales.

Stacey,

I wanted to send you condolences as I was reading you lost your FIL. I am very sorry for you and your husband.
You both did a lot for him, and you will both be very blessed for this. May his spirit soar very high, and I will keep all of you in my meditations.

Much Love & Light, Margeaux

I have been trying to catch up once more here. Oh gee......where do the days, weeks disappear?

I have been having a rather difficult time over here for the last two-three months!
I'd posted some time ago how my husbands brothers were/are dealing with their own particular health issues.
One, the youngest was in the hospital during the summer. He's had Leukemia, managed actually. But he caught e-coli couple mos. ago. Since his immune is compromised it pretty much involved other health issues. He was finally released over a month ago from the hospital, and appears to be doing somewhat better. I say that of course since he lives in another country, so only if we actually hear from him, (rare) other than vague FB posts in a general way. Of course this experience put his other two brothers on edge, (one being my husband), since they had to tend to the financial issues of the hospital stay etc., in a foreign country.

Then on the back of that......my husband first twisted his neck and was sent to chiro/physical therapy.
While he was on the mend from that, he had an ingrown toe nail act up. To get a podiatrist to actually take a look took forever!! Got that addressed finally. Then, he threw his back out two weeks ago, so has been seeing physical therapist for that.

Oh.......I was of course being the dutiful wife, waiting on him hand and foot, (no joke) b/c of the toe issue, HAAH!
It was so draining, plus this man became like in his terrible two's! We sure were at odds, he was really awful to deal with. Anyway, recently, while I was very unfairly being the subject of some harsh criticism, I finally let him have it!! I just couldn't take it anymore. Anyway, all of you, I'm so sorry I come here with this kind of stuff.

Oh......I was trying to be a good caregiver to him, and I was.

Well, I spent the night at mom's last night. I hadn't seen, her in quite some time because I couldn't leave this man alone with the ailments he was having. She really looks more and more frail to me. It was good to see her.
But while I was there when she gave me a big smile, my sis & I noticed she appears to have cracked a tooth.
It's right next to the two front teeth. This kind of made me sad and nervous at the same time to see this in mom. She still has her own teeth at 96. My sis will call the doc this week to see what should be done. But I was thinking.......what an ordeal that would be for her to have to go through dental work now. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi to everyone, & will be catching up. Hope all of you are doing as best as you can, coping!!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Stacey, have a wonderful vacation and time to reconnect with hubby. So much going on since the two of you wed.

Duck, I am so sorry, I know how it is to struggle with impossible twisteds! TS2 who was mom's POA let me run with it while I cared for mom that four years. I would update the two twisteds and auntie dearest following each doctor appointment. TS2 would email back on those, "Thanks for the update". Strange, but probably instructed to do so by her attorney.

When mom moved to AL, that was the end of the communication. TS2 had POA, and she somehow decided she would keep mom's medical info private. Never mind I was second in line, had something happened to ts2 then I would be lost in space.

Sibs, can be very cruel. I heard nothing of mom's health until the fall and possible hip fracture three weeks before she died. I an many here knew it had to be serious for ts2 to contact me at all. Twisteds are just very cruel, and I will never understand why things had to get so out of control. But, that is their issue, not mine! I cared for mom by myself for four years, rarely help from ts2, never from ts1. I did much more than my share. And I would not like to be either of them.

You see, their issue, I believe, was they did not think mom was as sick as she was. After five days in memory care, mom was hospitalized in a geriatric psych unit her behaviors were out of control. Really very sad to think back on it, it did not have to be that way. KARMA has come back at the both of them.

And it will. I just had to detach from the situation completely, they would do what they would do. There was nothing I could do to change it at all.

Duck, know that you are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation. Your twisted is enjoying keeping you as uninformed as she possible can. But, do not let it get to you, that is her problem, that you can do nothing about. Just as with my twisteds, there was nothing I could have done to change the situation, NOTHING! I know that, and have adjusted to it. But, poor mom, had she understood, she would have disowned the two of them. I know that. And now that mom has passed, mom knows it too.

Hugs, Duck. Just keep doing the best you can, that is all you can do. Twisteds will remain twisted until the bitter end. It is their very sad attempt at hurting you, when the person that is really being hurt is mom. There is nothing we can do when these things happen. Take care.

Margeaux, Good to hear from you.

Glad, You give good advice. Siblings can be a pain in the butt. I'm fortunate that I have a good brother - makes up for the bad one.

Thanks MsMadge, all good SUGGESTIONS!

Glad, thanks you have made my heart a little lighter. I know its not much I can do, Its just frustrating to have someone do any and every thing against you from a child to an adult with no correction or chastise and to be pompous and selfrightheous about it. Thanks so much I feel a lot better. I would think i was a raving lunatic by other standards.