
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
I have nothing to give others right now. I have to get ready for the trip for the second cataract surgery. A snow warning for our region has been issued.
The good news is that the lab has the bottle and I have done the paperwork (despite my scanner acting up - why does it always do that when you most need it?) and have sent a deposit so they will start testing. Interesting that the lab guy is a friend of R's brother.
I went off and got my nails done, came home and started to get stuff ready for the trip south tomorrow and got a call that they have a bed for mother in an NH and if I accept they need her moved asap. Obviously I can't do it with surgery on Friday, and explained that to the extendicare worker. You are allowed a decline and maybe two without getting into trouble.
That NH had told me that people are never moved there as a first move and truly I have not been sure it was best for mother as the rooms are not bright but was not worried as I thought there was no chance of her getting in there now anyway. As well, the room that was available was north facing. So I am getting a hold of the transition coordinator to tell her why I have declined and to change the order of preference.
Why does everything happen at once?
Major mistake by payroll person at work. She sent what she thought was insurance paperwork for employees to reup for next year, if no changes. What did she send to all employees of the county? Complete list of employees, address, position, Social Security numbers, addresses and rate of pay! Have not decided if I will do anything about this, but did find out that I am underpaid! Payroll person then sent out an email asking us to delete or shred the spreadsheet she had sent. I would have gone directly to IT and asked them to retrieve the email from every county employee. Now thinking maybe this is not the place for me. UGH!
Yes things seem to happen at once. I want a little humdrum!
At his request, several years ago, he purchased a computer for his mom, set it up, made sure it was in tiptop working order. Came and troubleshot her every issue.
About 6 months after he set this all up for her, he discovered that she had placed the computer in the trash room of her coop, given the printer to a friend and the keyboard to the person who cleaned her apartment.
Her dementia had progressed and she could no longer understand or operate the computer any longer and clearly didn't understand or care that it still might have value to others, or that she was wounding her son's feelings.
Dementia is cruel that way.
Interestingly, over half of the motel we are staying at is taken up by Firefighters, and many other rooms are housing displaced folks from this regions fires, it is so sad and has reeked such devastation to so many! I think I've heard that 17 people and firefighters have lost their lives, and so many have lost homes, businesses and farms, just tragic!
On a Happy note, I had another BIG WIN LAST NIGHT, $1600, and then another $600! Hubby has done pretty well also, though not as well as I have, so I've been sharing my wins with him, and we definitely are coming home Way Way Up, and now I have enough money to pay for One Set of New Living room furniture (but I'm going to be getting 2) as well as the coffee table set that I want, and maybe even the matching bookshelf! This was one Luck trip for us, as well as relaxing, plus we couldn't have had more perfect Scenery or Weather!
I even got a jumpstart on my Christmas shopping, buying my Grandsons the Cutest Jammies I've ever seen, plus picked up 2 huge bags of Ponderosa PineCones (some are 11 inches tall and 8 inches around!) from Zepher Cove near Tahoe (those were Free, right off of the ground, Lol) and are great for using in Christmas decorating, and I also gathered up a small bag of acorns, which we don't see in the Seattle area.
It's been a great trip so far, and tomorrow and Friday should SUPER cool too!
Golden, good luck with your 2nd eye surgery! It will all work out for the best with your Mom, I just know it!
Y'all take care now!
Love Stacey
Because if my younger PhD brother were here for an extended stay. I know she would ask him to do it.
BarbBrooklyn-I think it is more than dementia. It is an intentional insult. Because of my physical health, for not being like others. She denies it. But, She only accepts that I can do something. When I 'push the envelope'. She was like that with my bike(I bike in high speed suburban traffic. No one else in my family has my health problems, and is willing to do that) and has been that way about her computer.
stacey - so happy for you and dh and your vacation. It is almost a second honeymoon for you two. The winnings are the icing on the cake. I have seen the giant redwoods and they are amazing.
sharyn - the devastation by the fires in California is dreadful, and, for me, brings back thoughts of the fire here last year. So many lives disrupted and in Cali some lost as well. Very sad.
chris - it sounds like your mum has had this attitude for a while. That is most unfortunate and a put-down to you which hurts. Re the Hawaii trip and not asking you, I hear you. Mother would make plans involving me without consulting me. It is dehumanizing. Hawaii would be a great break, but not being consulted, and being expected to share a room cuts across your boundaries.
ali - hope all is going well with the tasks and goals you have ahead.
glad - are you really rethinking this job?
This next few weeks is going to be challenging. The surgery is on my "good eye" (Left) this time so I will have to rely on my "bad eye" (Right) until the L heals. Unfortunately the R lens in my glasses, as well as needing adjustment, is somewhat foggy in places. I don't know what I did to it, but it obscures my vision except for a small area. I am very much looking forward to my new lens. So, practicing looking at things with only my R eye, hmmmm, not so good. I may not be able to drive till my L eye is recovered. Trusting that the surgery will go well again. I was not concerned last time, as even the loss of vision in the R eye would not have been that bad, but, this time...
We didn't get the snowfall predicted here, but R had a somewhat harrowing trip up last night with snow and black ice part way. Hopefully it will be better going back. It is actually below freezing here, but whatever snow has drifted down has melted and warmer temps are forecast for next week.
Time to harvest some of our little tomatoes, more than four dozen of them. Has anyone cut a tomato plant back and have it grow and produce fruit again? The plants are in a south facing window so get lots of sun. I have found a video of someone who did, but I gather it is not always successful.
Have a good day everyone.
I have L for a big part of the day while dad znd E are at evaluation. It is scheduled 6 hours but may get done earlier depending on how cooperating a 3 year old can be.
Pulled a muscle in my back. I guess from coughing. Still not feeling like I should but getting there little by little.
Yes the fires are devasting. It is horrible and Santa Rosa was hit hard with about 15 people lost.
Have a good day everyone!
Apparently arranging a room for mother cannot wait. I talked with the transition coordinator this morning and the ALF mother is in is pushing to get her moved as she is requiring more and more care. She needs to be fed by someone now. Even if I turn this one down and have the eye surgery tomorrow, if another one came up in the next few weeks they would expect me to take it. I need several weeks to recover and want to be especially careful about this eye, so I don't want to risk it. I told her we will take the room and I have cancelled the surgery.They were very nice about it and will get in touch with me later for another date for surgery. So now we are waiting on a call from extendicare again for details about the move. Thankfully R is here and available, though he has a contract in the offing, but not right away, so the timing is good. Once mother is moved into her new single room, we will get more light in her room with lamps. We can then apply for a south facing room which would have more natural daylight. Whew - one needs to be flexible!!!
I suspect there will be a funeral soon, in the area, for that young woman and I would like to go. One step at a time I guess.
Things at the center are going well. Several new people. We've rearranged furniture in a couple of places to make it more accommodating. Just minor adjustments. I think the caregivers are pleased.
Now they're telling me I have to create a spreadsheet. They can make their own spreadsheet if needed. So dumb. Clearly, if the purchase came from the local "Home Depot" type store, it's for home improvement items. I didn't turn in any receipts for things for myself. I'm just sick to death of them. I should never have gone down this route where I was paying for things for this house, but I didn't see a choice at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 here. Darn Cubs better win today or I'm going to be a grouchy bear for a day or two. Why can't the Trust just be helpful for a change??
Alternatively, have you got any lawyer friends who would be willing to fire off an "unhappy with the delay pay up you scumbags" letter?
Did not feel the recovery took very long at all. Of course the drops go on for six weeks and i was told not to do anything to get dust in the eye for a week but no other restrictions except not to lift more than five pounds for 7 days. I am sure you will be fine. Eye surgery is so different than it was 50 years ago when patients spent 10 days in the hospital and had to lie on their backs with bandages over their eyes and be fed. Don't know why people refer to them as "The good old days"
Golden, I hope your surgery went well.
I think we're probably going to have frost tonight. It's about time.
Golden, I enjoy my job here and could settle in here. Though, (I use though instead of but these days) the regs have been completely caddiwompus for many, many years, now I have to straighten them out and many are not at all happy with it. I know I have one commissioner that backs me up. There are three of them, one would prefer no regs at all, the other seems to sit on the fence. There are so many things that need fixing. Do I have the energy?
There's no guarantee if I make a spreadsheet that it will contain the info they want. This isn't all that complicated so I'm not sure why they want a spreadsheet. But so they do. Then they can provide an admin person to do that.
We'll see if they'll agree to do it that way.
Almost nothing was paid for in cash, all cards, but most of those cards I don't have anymore. My wallet was stolen a few months back -- I don't have access to any of those old accounts.
Oh man, I sure hope Cubs win. It will go a long way to perking me up. I moved more stuff today from old house to new place. I'm weary but getting through.
"Dearest only niece, I can afford a glam weekend in Provence, France; or I can afford to get you a nice wedding present; but I can't afford both. I'd rather get you a present. Lots of love Auntie."
I am so sad for my home state, Calistoga and Santa Rosa have been hit very hard by the fire. More dead and 100s missing. Something like 22 fires total burning in California. We have sent firefighters to California to help.
We have some rain today, but Saturday-Monday we will have temps below 32 with some expected snow, oh boy! I’m sure it will melt off quickly. Starting today the cities will begin turning off sprinkler irrigation. We will have to hire someone to blow out our sprinklers for winters.
Dd will get results of E’ s evaluation in 2 weeks. It took 3 hours instead of 6. L was so much easier to have without dd and E here too. It is funny how a toddlers behavior is so different when they do not have to share attentions.
If you belong to AARP look at their site too
sharyn thx I know you read about the cancellation. Hope E's testing went well and you enjoy some individual visits with the boys. Not nice to be without insurance. Hope you find what you need soon.
upset - don't postpone the honeymoon too long. Glad that the Centre is doing well. I have no doubt it is a great boon to caregivers.
cm - my memory is failing me. Can you fill us in on the wedding situation? It does sound like you have found a good solution. You would be proud of me. Sis announced her upcoming nuptials to me. I made the proper responses, said I would send flowers when convenient, and offered to host a celebratory meal for them when they come over next spring. I may choke on my food, but I will do for the what mother would have done had she been able, and feel good that I have discharged my obligations.
Bought kitty supplies today. Now, cannot find a kitty around here. 😟
glad - this HAS to be the last move!!! Hope you find a lovely kitty!
It works out well this way as I really need to get the R lens in my glasses replaced before the L eye surgery, as I don't see well through it at all.
We toured the place yesterday and chose a lovely room - bigger than the one she has now and looking out onto a courtyard with bushes as she does now. The community manager, who showed us around, is a very nice gal and urged us to let her know if anything goes wrong as she wants to know. There are more RNs and less aides in this place. Sunday we will go through and reduce mother's clothing and oddments and pack what is coming with her, Sunday evening we will move her furniture etc to the new place and Monday a.m. after breakfast we will transport her there via wheelchair taxi . It actually will be cheaper there as they provide all meds and incontinence supplies etc. We only have to provide a laundry hamper, plastic drawers and ongoing shampoo, lotion etc. as well as clothing, of which I think she has enough. She will be their oldest resident. We will meet with the social worker and mother's RN Monday afternoon to get all the paperwork completed. After that, the next meeting is in 6-8 weeks.
Today I have FM pain and am resting hoping to be better for tomorrow. Too much going on I guess. Thankfully, I know I can rely on R to do most things. He is working a contract right now but able to take some time off.
The funeral for the young woman is Wednesday just a block or so from the hotel which works well as I can walk there if R has to work. I do want to go.
So lots is getting accomplished this visit.
We are still looking for a home from home, but, if that doesn't happen this time, it will next time I come down. There are lots of places. It is just a matter of finding the best one.
Just watched "Edward Scissorhands". Love that movie! On to the "The China Syndrome".
Have a good day all and treat yourself.