The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Thank you guys! I ended up paying a local friend (not the bad one, the other one) a little bit of money to help move more things today, and that worked out well. I'm not going to mess with the other guy... ever... again. We know each other through mutual friends, I've always said I don't want to date him but he doesn't seem to really hear that. He's always such drama to deal with, but he's willing to help, so it makes it tough when I do need help from someone. I know he would help me, but... no. He says he wants to put his childish ways behind him, in so many words, but I don't care if he changes or doesn't change. Just... want to him to lose my number, haha. But man, when you need someone to help you move stuff, and you have someone who's willing, it's hard to hold to principles!! lol!!

Alrighty, so I moved some stuff. Found a guy from online who has a 14' box truck, which was way more than I needed for my small amount of stuff today, but whatever, got a bunch more stuff to the new place and I don't feel like crying out of frustration anymore. I'm $140 lighter for the day.

Stacey, so sorry to hear you had chest pains on your lovely vacation. When I read that, I realized -- I don't get chest pains anymore from anxiety (or whatever) and I feel really fortunate for that. I'm so sorry. I hope as some time passes that you feel better.

Sharyn, you're right -- moving is just a huge hassle. It just is. There is no getting around it. How long have you been at new house now? And you mentioned the other day that you still hadn't put any art up on the walls, and I remember thinking... why not? BUT I GET IT NOW. lol It's just been awhile since I did a move like this. This is the biggest one in over a decade, it's moving my stuff from storage unit plus stuff from grandparents' house... and trying to sort out what to take from a house that's been in my family since the 1950's... that is enough of a stressor. For now, I left most of the collectibles at the old place. That will be the final thing I do -- select what heirloom collectibles to keep and what to donate.

I don't think this job offer is the right one for me. It's tempting just because it is actually an offer, the only offer right now, and the money is decent, but it's almost an hour commute each way to far south side. I moved to the city to work in the city! lol!

This move has been a lot tougher on me than I thought it would be. But... I'll keep stepping and thank you guys so very much for just being a much needed source of support on days like this.

I don't know exactly why I'm crying lately. It's crying out of frustration, I know that much. I just feel like there's so much to do all at once. And the actions of the Trust are also very frustrating. I don't know that I want to pursue any legal action against them, I don't know that I even have a case, but I think I'll call around this week to try to get some basic free legal advice. I hate it that they are so unhelpful at every turn. That doesn't make sense to me. Why do they collect their fees for me to do everything that's needed?? Thing is, I don't see how they couldn't just say that there is no caregiving agreement and they would be right. Hindsight is 20/20 on that one.

I'm late to your post Ali. But everyone has given you good advice. Take heart Sharyn I moved from OH to ME last fall and I still have boxes to unpack and things to hang. I've accepted that until the additions are finished on my house not everything will be done.

Lots of people utilizing the caregivers center. Many requests for services we don't offer. Many requests for adult daycare. Not going down that road. Like all service agencies, no matter how much you offer, some people want more and not satisfied.

Hi All! I had a follow up appointment with my Dr, and she agreed with me on going off the Buspirone drug, it just was not a good fit for me, and did nothing for my Anxiety, Grrr!

Now I'm headed to the Cardiologist office, to have a stress test, and probably other testing done, but I do hope to get to the bottom of these chest pains, and will continue to find the answers, as this is Our Time Now, and I do want to focus on good health!

My husband's brother continues to call, as his grief and feelings of guilt are eating him up these days.

Bb now wished to come visit, so that he and my husband can go to the cemetery, and look down upon their parents grave, ummmm, a little late Mate!  No word from the evil stepsister! No surprise there!

Whatever, it doesn't bother me one way or another what he does anymore.
According to my FIL'S Will, both my husband's siblings get One Thousand dollars each, and the rest goes to my husband, as well as his entire life insurance policy payout, so you reap what you sow. That's just the way of it, but I'm sure he's expecting more. Copies of his Will will be attached to their inheritance cashiers check, which are going out this week, and then we will be done with the both of them. I'm so tired of dealing with all of this!

I hope you all have good night! Stace

Stacy you have purt a lot of work and energy in throughout this entire process. Hopefully the chest pain is anxiety or a pulled muscles. Cardiac enzymes and ekg can help determination also if they are done during episodes.

I sympathize with you and Ali and everyone else who has had the turmoil of "paperwork". I just finished completing installment payment forms for job and Irs for the second time. My heart is still beating fast. One . missing or a t not crossed and its invalid. My employer sent intial form in without signing so its a do over.

Stacey I am so glad you husband got his due. Its so true you reap what you sow. One of my biggest concerns is my sister getting my mother to sign everything over to her. It will kill her if I am included in any thing. It bothers me but when it all comes out in the wash I truly hope I see some kind of justice. Bb brother has guilt or greed??
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Out side of the stree of the forms and have to send payment in I have money order but left payment stubb home. Got other stuff to work out also so my baseline anxiety is a little higher. I am thinking to postphone trip to visit my son in Korea. We usually spend thanksgiving. I have some unfinished and pending business to take care of so I think I will wait till my mind is more at ease.

I hope you are all in good spirit, rays of light and peace to all.

I'm settling down for the eve, thankfully, and was thinking about calling someone a "recreational drug user" like that's a bad thing in and of itself...

And I personally don't think it is. If someone drinks a couple of alcoholic drinks on the weekend, or if they choose to smoke or eat cannabis (which is increasingly legal all over the U.S.), I don't judge someone for that decision. I have a girlfriend who makes edibles from cannabis to treat her neuropathy. I think it's great she has something to help her symptoms.

This dummy guy I was referring to, the reason his rec drug use is a problem is because he's a "party guy." When the weekend comes, he wants to go on a bender for 48 hours, and he'd be happy if I participated. No, thanks. If he wants to do that, whatever, I truly just don't have that much free time plus the stuff he likes to do doesn't even make me feel good. So it irritates me that he's so dense in the head, that when I repeatedly tell him that's not for me, he still calls me regularly when he's high on the weekends and thinks that I should hang out with him and "party." I've yelled at him a couple of times on the phone, yelled at him like I would never yell at any other friend. He has no sense of boundaries. He is incredibly assuming. I don't like him.

And yet... it would be nice to have someone to help me out with work around the house and he's the only one offering to help me regularly. lol I'm still meeting some people, slowly, through online dating service. I think I'll just stick to that and try to meet a better helper/manfriend. ;-)

I'm almost asleep, but just had a seeming epiphany. I'd always heard that a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar could help upset stomach, but never tried it before. Well, I tried it just now. Is it really that simple? Because my stomach feels better, pretty much instantly. Anyone else take it for stomach issues or for any other health reason? I'm curious if I have been missing out on other benefits. It doesn't taste that bad to me. It's a little tangy, but not terrible.

Ahh, Ali, Upset, Sharyn. Moves are awful. Things to hang, boxes to unpack, etc. Just all of you stop being so hard on yourselves, Ali especially. Take a breath, realize the world will not come to an end if you do not get whatever done. It will still be there and it will get done. And eventually is ok. I have not hung anything on the walls and feel like I have been living among boxes for a few years. Oh wait, I actually have been. Just take it easy on yourselves ok or you will make me feel like I am underachieving😢.

Late meeting tonight to bed for me. Those meetings always have me thinking too hard that I have a very hard time winding down.

When I feel like I’m going to get sick, I make a honey and Bragg apple cider vinegar mix in the morning. Pour it into my bottled water and take to work. I will sip it throughout the day. Unfortunately, by day 2, my allergic reactions starts appearing. I don’t know if I’m allergic to the ACV or the honey since drinking apple juice causes hives. In the past, it does work.

I also read that it’s good for acid reflux. I haven’t tried it on that.

Honey is wonderful to take before bedtime. It coats the throat so you don’t wake up with a sore throat from the reflux. I currently have the flu. It WAS great because I was able to cough a lot with minimal throat pain. Unfortunately, I found out that I am also allergic to honey. So, now, I have a very sore throat which I’m now treating with regular salty water gargles. The next best thing after honey.

ACV has some great health benefits. Google it. But keep in mind that it is acidic. Give care to your teeth enamel.

I had vivid nightmares last night, was the worst night of sleep in a while. The new place is full of noises, I knew that. The first day here I kept thinking that I heard someone walk in my apartment. Living on first floor walkup of a 100 yr old building will do that, I guess.

Last night, there was a sound for an hour or so that can only be described as someone banging on the metal pipes in my bathroom. lol Obviously no one is in my bathroom but it sounds like they are. It went on for some time, around 1-2 am. Then there was a hissing sound. I figured that... someone was turning on the radiator heat which hasn't been on yet this season. I checked this morning and yes, it's on now.

I had a dream where it was dark in my apartment. I got up and tried to use my cell phone light to see something, but cell phone wasn't working. Tried to use laptop light, same thing. I turned the knob on my nightstand light, it wouldn't come on. So I get back in bed, thinking that power is out and I'll just sleep until morning and there is daylight. As soon as I'm in bed and lying down, I feel a very heavy man jump on top of me and trap me in the blankets. Then I woke up. It seemed so real! I could feel the knob on my lamp, everything. That was interesting... and I feel like it tells me a little clue about my state of mind, maybe? I have been upset lately, yeah.

Beautiful fall day here. Up and at em. I need to make a decision about the job offer. And you guys are right!!!! These boxes can stay until the next time I move and no one will die!!! If I have my clothes put away, my bathroom functional, my kitchen functional, the rest can wait. I'm working on bath and kitchen this week. Love you guys so much, appreciate the voice of sanity so much.

Upset, I appreciate hearing the news about the caregiver center. Yes, I can picture that people will always want more, but you're providing such an important service in the community. I wish I would have had access to a support center like you've done when I was in the middle of crazy caregiving life. I had AC, though. ☺️

Everyone have a great day.

Book, thanks for the tips and sorry about your flu and allergies. The ACV worked so well for me. I do get pretty regular nausea and having something natural to help seems like a good thing. I was pretty certain that my stomach issues aren't due to too much acid or acid reflux. I think I don't have enough acid. Lemon water, the occasional diet soda, and other acidic things seem to help "settle my stomach." I think in order for honey to be a great help to me, I am supposed to get the local honey to help with local allergy sources...? I recall reading this at some point. I hope you get over the flu quickly. I'm sorry you're sick. I know you still have things going on around your father's passing. (((((hugs))))), Book.

send - you might have got the better of it by being dropped off, although it had to be a very traumatic experience. My ex was put in residential school which was horrible but he has survived. His mother kept one sister and his brother. His sister committed suicide and bro has had jail time and is a recovering drug addict. Another sis was put up for adoption and she is fine.

upset -a meal on the dock and a walk on the rocks sounds wonderful

sharyn -I still haven't put up some pics from the re.nmos 9 years ago and won't now. You and dd must be anxious to hear the results if E's testing.

ali - I am glad you have moved and am sure it will take a while for you to feel comfortable. Nightmares and banging pipes yuck!!!! As long as you can function the rest will happen in time. A better helper sounds good. Ex find that vinegar helped his stomach. He used to take zantac by the fistfull. Acid drinks settle my stomach too.

stacey - hope they drs find out what is going on -apart from the results of all the stress you have been through. suppose there will be a fuss from bad bro and sis when the will becomes known. It will be good when they are out of the way. Take care of you!!!!

duck - hope you have more decent times with your mum. There can be some advantages as they progress in their disease

glad - so true about moving It happens eventually or it doesn't and that's OK. Late meetings are awful. When I was in the college board which has kate meetings I sometimes went for a walk at 11 at night to try to settle my mind down.

book - honey and ACV sound good. Salt water gargles and nose spray are great as well. Hope you are starting to recover.

Take care all. Look after you!

Well, the move went well though there was lots of to-ing and fro-ing. I reduced mother's clothing to about half which is more than enough and fits nicely in her closets and drawers. Her furniture and paintings complement the room very well. All the staff have been very pleasant and helpful. I even had a call this afternoon from the dietitian about her needs and preferences. They always have mashed potatoes and gravy with meat for their main meal which suits her very well. So all of that is good; however, when we returned to her room from one meeting, a gentleman in a wheelchair had managed to open her door (she had been sleeping) and wheel himself in. There was no staff in sight though mother's room is very near the nurses desk. R wheeled him out, and I asked mother if she was alright. I was concerned about her being afraid, but she said she was OK. A nurse finally came and we told her, and asked her to watch that this did not happen again. It never happened in the ALF. Later the SW visited and we told her and she raised her eyebrows. This unit was a closed unit being made into a regular one, so the patients are probably a little more difficult to manage, and it being an NH they are further along in their diseases. Mother's room is right by the dining area and some of the patients congregate there during the day. Another fellow was very curious when they brought the lift in to get mother up for supper and wheeled over to get a good look. We shut the door. So there are some changes which are not good, but, I think inevitable. She was pleased with her room, and the aide helped her with her supper which was good. The nurse said we could bring in a player and someone there would put on a cd for her. I think she would like that.

The incident makes me feel even more than I was feeling that I need to be closer and visit her more often. We have looked at rentals, but there are are a few very nice apartment type adult condos for sale which I am considering. We would be fine with a small one for now, and with the insurance cheque I can put down a decent down payment and make weekly payments cheaper, than rent. There are some condos in this complex which are being rented out and seem to go fast for a decent price, so eventually this could be a good investment, and meanwhile we would have a home here. R has all the furniture we need stored at one of his bros. I am thinking that this is the way to go. There is a fitness room in the basement, underground parking and is in a very nice area looking out on fields in the edge of this small town west of E'ton.

I have been very tired and sore to a degree and slept like a log last night, but after resting and napping today I am feeling better. The funeral is tomorrow just around the corner from the hotel. After that, depending on materials arriving for R's contract we will head north again. It will be nice to get home.

I had two groups today. One on Medicaid nursing home placements which was fairly routine. The other on coping with problem siblings. It never ceases to amaze me what siblings will do to each other and their siblings. My group on siblings was very sober. PJ had a group of caregivers whose parent(s) are in nursing homes. I kept hearing laughter from his group. I asked what was so funny. Apparently, several of the women in the group have mother's in the same NH and they were telling about a new resident who is a streaker. They said staff was having a real job keeping him dressed. I had problems with my mom and other family, but at least my mom was spared dementia and NH.

Ali I am happy for you in your new place. That stomach thing is something else. A table spoon of anykind of vinegar would throw me into groaning like a cat. But I have heard of benifits of aple cider vinegar.

Upset I am out here cheering you on. I think what you are doing is awesome. I saw you post about sibblings briefly. I didnt get to entire post but I have always been shocked at my relationship with my sister that was my exposure to the ruthlessness untill I came on this site. In my line of work I used to be amazed at what we humans will do to one another untill I really opened my eyes and saw my sister when she showed me who she was.
Golden I am glad you move went well. I get your alarm on the wheel chair guy in room. My guess would be they were all checking out the new girl on the block. I worked at a senior Center many years ago and I found them to be very endearing and very protective. I have no experiecnce in what goes on inn that type of facility but I hope it was just a check out. even if it was an invasion. I wish you all the best and I hope you run into a good deal for housing. You are a true trooper.

Ali, those banging pipes was probably the heat coming up. Radiator heat is so crazy. That banging is loud. After a while you get used to it. Either the heat is coming up or down or you can tell what time it is.

I am a person who is spiritually sensitive and when I sleep somewhere sometimes I get to see who was there way way before. Took me a while to get what was happening. then I started to get used to it.

Could be you are sensitive in that way. I cant remember what they used to say about something laying on you. I was told you say Jesus and it leaves. You were probably really exhauste, You have been doing a helluva lot lately. Glad you woke up fresh and feeling good.

Send I hope the realatives treated you okay. I worked in the group homes, It used to break my heart the way these girls were treated at home and in foster care. Raped and sent to the group home,while the rapist (mother boyfriend ) is home. And the poor young girls with psych issues having men or boys lined up in parks or cars waiting for blow jobs, feeling this is love. Not to mention the abuse in foster care. One of the girsl mother was a prositute who died, The Girl was about 16 and had a child the Aunt put her in group home and wouldnt let her see her son or come "home" for xmas. Then the one girl who was raped and abused would go home for xmas bearing gifts for the whole family even the one who raped and beat her. How does one forget pain.
It is so sad the pain we hold in our hearts and memories. I cant even count the times my heart dropped to my stomach.
I have gained so much insight and understanding and just plain old right in my pain from others here sharing their pain. I get a joy just reading about the joys others here have because I see my self in a rare moment of fun or happiness. I love the chit chat its so much better than bein ostrisized and sabatoged and mistreated, being made to feel like something is wrong with you. I get a good laugh here, even roll my eyes to the skys but its all good and I am grateful for that. And then after all of that something is shared from that dark part of our lives there is a arm of support always given somewhere, somehow. I truly love you all for that, it means so much to me, especially when things start hitting back to back or sometimes all at once. God bless you all.

DDDuck,
You said: "Send I hope the realatives treated you okay. I worked in the group homes, It used to break my heart the way these girls were treated at home and in foster care. Raped and sent to the group home,while the rapist (mother boyfriend ) is home. And the poor young girls with psych issues having men or boys lined up in parks or cars waiting for blow jobs, feeling this is love. Not to mention the abuse in foster care. One of the girsl mother was a prositute who died, The Girl was about 16 and had a child the Aunt put her in group home and wouldnt let her see her son or come "home" for xmas. Then the one girl who was raped and abused would go home for xmas bearing gifts for the whole family even the one who raped and beat her. How does one forget pain.
It is so sad the pain we hold in our hearts and memories. I cant even count the times my heart dropped to my stomach.
I have gained so much insight and understanding "


Please do not write this stuff associated with my name! In fact, you are so inappropriate ( when responding to anything I write), just stop, stop altogether.
I said that I was dumped at a relative's house, that's all! You are out of line. I will ignore you, and please, you ignore me, thanks.

So sick to hear this crap from you! I am furious with you, and cannot believe you were ever in the medical field! Just stop, please stop!

It is like stubbing a toe, and along comes DDDuck, confabulating that one should go to the E.R. because there could be flesh-eating bacteria growing inside and even though there is no open wound it could travel to your heart and KILL you!

What is wrong with you? Don't answer that! Just don't ever speak to me or address me, E V E R!

Well, shut my mouth.
I apologize to the forum members.
I too hate dissension and fights.

It's 2:15am here, I didn't sleep last night and now sleep is evasive tonight. I did put on some positive guided meditation stuff on YouTube. I think I should listen to this, or something like this, EVERY DAY FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE lol. I'm far too anxious about several things right now, and things will either work out a certain way, or things will work out a different way. Maybe I won't get a job I like, maybe it will be a tough job and I'll learn something from it, and look for ways to move on to something else. Maybe the Trust won't reimburse me but soon I'll never have to deal with them again if I don't want to. I can't be the biggest thing in my own way right now... and I do think I'm being like that.

It's just... it's going to take effort to put this apartment together. Once I do that, then I might actually like it here. If I like it here, I'll want to stay. And I don't know that I can stay and that notion is keeping me pacing in fear and frustration. It's SILLY. And there are no guarantees ever in this life. But I can sure swing the bat, I don't have to sit here and just accept that MAYBE things won't work out. I live in a big city, lots of opportunity. I'm capable, I'm competent, I'm smart. (I'm also so tired all the time and that scares me.) I want to deal with the depression and anxiety I'm feeling by doing fun distracting things, but I think... I think... the right thing for me right now is to dive into my emotions in a way I haven't done in many years, and deal with them, and work through them, stop avoiding them. I couldn't feel things fully when I was taking care of my dad. I had to DO, not feel. I was being crushed in many ways emotionally. I lived to get out for a night, to escape that life for a bit. Now I don't want to escape or avoid any hardship, but work through it. I sound more positive than I feel. I feel scared.

Not exactly sure what, specifically, is causing this sadness and anxiety, but I did quit all the psych meds due to problematic side effects. I wish I could take a small dose of something as I feel it would be HELPFUL right now, even just to stabilize my mood, but I have had bad reactions too often and the right next step for me is to try vigorous exercise to help the anxiety/depression. I've tried ALL the chemicals -- none are helpful w/o problems.

I'd love to take a diazepam and go to sleep but I don't think that's the answer. I've been taking halfsies here and there over past week. Nothing is getting better, it's getting worse.

Ok, just needed to share. Thank you. Don't worry too much about me. If symptoms get bad enough, I'll seek mental health treatment. Oy vey, I wish I could sleep. :) Wishing all of you a relaxing, restful night and positive day tomorrow.

I'm visualizing my body bathed in white light as my emotions transform into positive ones... lol. Guided meditation is quite awesome. It's workingggg, toooo. I'm feeling less agitated. This anxiety has had a grip on me for roughly past 3 weeks where it's been very bad at times, draining on me, and limiting. I need to find ways to ease it up, so I can do the things I want to do. I'll be over here bathing in white light. :-D

Ali,
You're strong, smart, and self sufficient - you will get through this transition
Even if the apartment is only temporary, trust you'll be guided to the right one

Give the apartment a break for a bit - go for a walk along the lake, maybe find a book store - I miss book stores - pick up a novel, preferably fiction, grab a latte and get lost in a good story - sometimes we just need to get out of our own heads

I’m dealing with depression. It’s not one thing in particular. I think it’s a combination of moving, not getting insurance, having the tooth pulled, feeling I have no routine.... I guess I just feel lost. My saving has run very low and that panics me with no job. I could go on wallowing but I won’t. I have much to be grateful for too.

Hi. I am new here. Glad there is a forum where others understand the complexities of caregiving and family discord. My situation concerns my husband's adult daughter - who is an only child with three adult sons. My husband and I have been married for 28 years - together for over 31 years.....my husband suffered three strokes in 2 years....resulting in some disability and dementia. Can no longer drive. Had to retire from our business. I am doing the caregiving alone and run the business with the help of one of my daughters. I attend Caregiver Forums through our county and at the suggestion of one of the Workshop Presenters reached out to his family to see how they could help. Daughter is a teacher and gets all the time off during summer vacation, and major holidays...she never offers to come to our state to perhaps help out by keeping her Dad company to give me a break or to make his breakfast, lunch and dinner while I work in our home office, We lost a few accounts this past year so financially I am struggling but determined to get the business moving forward....hard to do with the constant interruptions by my husband who is lost now that he is no longer working, driving or being able to just take the garbage to our condo dumpster.....I try to keep him occupied and socially active, but it is a challenge. The result of his family is that after opening my heart in a letter to give them an update on how life is right now keeping him home and safe - I got a hurtful, nasty reply from one of the grandsons......one of the comments made was "we see right through you".....I asked for clarification but none has come so far......my husband calls his daughter every night and they talk about nothing major. He is afraid of dying and feels he will call her every night because he is afraid one day he won't be able to. What can I do when they won't come to the table to talk?

Hi Oma, I'm glad you've found this caregiver site, and this thread. That is odd that you reached out to husband's daughter and 3 sons and they don't want to help. Maybe not "odd they don't want to help," because often people are too busy with their own lives to want to help with caregiving to aging Loved One if they don't have to, but it's odd they have bad feelings of how you're handling your husband's business and care.

Could you hire someone to come in and help for a couple of hours a few times a week? And then you could spend more time working on the business. Financially, it could be a good decision.

You might have to do some caregiving years by yourself. Sometimes, other family just doesn't "get it," or doesn't care, and you may have to hold things together on your own. If family won't help out, you will want to tap resources available to you through your area's Senior Resources. Are you in U.S.?

Sharyn, I can relate. I'm experiencing depression and yet I can look around and say "I've landed exactly where I planned to in this part of my life!" So... what's my problem?? I don't know. But I'm unusually run down, tired, weepy and very anxious lately. 

Huge natural disasters are everywhere! There is no doubt this can take a toll on anyone, let alone a sensitive person. Even when it is not happening to you personally.

The symptoms will be similar to post-traumatic stress disorder.
Quote : "Requires a medical diagnosis
Symptoms may include nightmares or flashbacks, avoidance of situations that bring back the trauma, heightened reactivity to stimuli, anxiety, or depressed mood.
People may experience:
Behavioral: agitation, irritability, hostility, hypervigilance, self-destructive behavior, or social isolation
Psychological: flashback, fear, severe anxiety, or mistrust
Mood: loss of interest or pleasure in activities, guilt, or loneliness
Sleep: insomnia or nightmares
Also common: emotional detachment or unwanted thoughts".

If one already has a diagnosis of PTSD, then beware.

Me:  I start moving the furniture again.  Meh.

Whew, I have finally completed notifying and settling All of my FIL'S post death accounts and notifications, and so glad it's all Done! I was late notifying his two pensions, but they will claw back those two payments from his still open checking account, and all we have left to do is to send off my husband's siblings inheritance checks, which I will leave up to my husband to do.

I honestly don't expect any trouble from the 2 of them, as his Will was so simplified and updated only 2 years ago, leaving any personal belongings to be distributed, up to my husband's discretion, and there really isn't much, other than some jewelry, guns and that's pretty much it.

Now apparently, both of his siblings wish to argue over the stupid chest up in our storage shed in our backyard, which is the one that I've so often mentioned, "where all of the bodies are buried", Lol!

This chest holds the secrets "held back" of my husband's step-sisters parentage, as hubby's parents with held the truth of it from her until she was 16, and in the couple of times she did meet her actual Father, they told the kids he was a "long lost Uncle", but I suppose that's what some folks did back in the day, which doesn't make it right, in my mind, but oh well.

Other ppwk about my husband's brother's Navy boot camp stint, which he flunked out of, but he's gone through life telling people that he's a Navy Seal, Ever the Liars and Con Man! He's asked my husband to destroy those Navy documents, so he can keep up the charade from his 9th, or is it his 10th and current wife, who knows!

It's the silly Ugly Trunk they both want, not the contents, so whatever, 1st one here to pick it up, can have it, as far as I'm concerned.

There are still tons of picture albums to deal with and to store, but that all can wait for another day.

Next up on our agenda is clearing out both of the bedrooms my FIL occupied when he lived with us. Half of the content has been donated, but once done, I'll finally have a spare/guest bedroom to decorate, and have when we have a guest or the Grandies over, and the other bedroom is for my husband to decorate and use as his own office/coin collecting room, and that will get all of his mess out of my bedroom and off of my dining room table, finally!

This house is a single level, and the perfect size for the 2 of us, but for me, everything has got to be put away to make me happy, as I feel like I've been living in chaos for far too long, with all of the moving back and forth with his Dad these last 6 months!

My Anxiety symptoms have improved these past couple of days, and hopefully with finishing up these final details, will only continue to do so!

There is So much to getting it all done, and I so relate to those of you who have been moving and sorting and settling in! Time for another Vacation, but in reality, we're going to settle in for the holidays, get some much needed renovations done, carpeting, linoleum, and new furniture in both livingroom and family room, so that is incredibly exciting and much overdue!

It's crazy how far you let things slip, when you are so submerged in caring for someone else! My FIL always said to do some nice things for us when he passes, and that's exactly what we are going to do! Time for some brightening up around here!

Hope everyone is doing OK!

Alli, you take care and keep on dealing with your own stressors and anxiety, I know how difficult it can be!

Golden, glad Mama is tucked into her new place, and hope it turns out to be a happy and healthy situation for her!

Ali, are you watching cable news? That can depress anyone and cause mental exhaustion and anxiety.

Send, you're right - so many disasters, and so suddenly, or literally back to back.

Stacey, your activities and adjustment are inspiring. I hope I'm that calm, focused and organized when my father's time is over. I really didn't cope well at all after my mother and sister died.

Ali, Take care of yourself. Maybe a daily outdoor walking program would help you with sleep and anxiety.

Send, Exactly right with all of the symptoms of depression. Plus some individuals have loss of appetite or increased appetite. I've cut back on cable news in the last year. Too much anger, hostility, politics and topped off with all of the natural disasters. I found myself having strange dreams after some of the news.

Groups are interesting. I sat in on another therapists grief group. So many manifestations of grief. I still don't think I've grieved for my mother. I have over the last month, after reading all of the posts about nursing homes, dementia, end of life issues, become increasingly thankful that Mom passed so quickly without having to go through all of that. And from my own perspective I didn't have to go thru that part of caregiving. Having the nutty family is far easier than having the physical hands-on care that so many of you have dealt with or with which you are still providing.

Take care of yourselves. If you don't, chances are nobody else will.

Hey guys, I just unsubscribed from almost all my news sites, and don't listen to or watch (no TV last 25 years) news, and have way more peace.... Also, found an ad remover that actually kept all the ads away! I'd been having lots of trouble with my aggravating SLOW computer and now NONE.... who would have guessed? Maybe this stuff will help?

Ali, rest, eat nutrishly, and if possible light exercise. It does help. I also get weepy and I don’t understand it either. I need to get out by myself too.

Golden, Glad you got your mom moved and it went smoothly. The room sounds very comfortable.

Stacey, great you reaching the end of all the paperwork for your fil. I’m sure you and your dear hubby will be glad when all of fil’s Belongings are taken care of.

Send, yes! Too many disasters this summer. It does effect us emotionally even when not directly in our areas.

Hugs to all and hope your evening is a good one.