
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
I have training in PC, Network, and Server Repair. Both PCs have Win95 as an OS. She has made no upgrades to these computers in twenty years.
But I am still an idiot in her eyes.
The guy never showed up. Because he forgot. My mother realizes. That she should have asked me in the first place.
hope the kitty continues to recover as i am sure she will with all the loving care you are lavishing on her.
Is there any way you can consider moving into a group home where you will recieve the respect you deserve and be well cared for
Be sure to take care of yourself. Keep us updated about kitty.
Thank you all for your thoughts today.
And dysfunction continues. I had an Email from ts2 this morning. An update on estate distribution. Nothing about birthday, anniversary or mom or L's death a year ago today. I replied to all, including ts1 and AD simply saying I was sure we would all be thinking of them today. No responses. Nor surprised but I do wonder how we all got through mom's service in a civil manner. I will never understand and I know it.
I'm feeling beaten down at work - putting in long hours at night and weekends and being barked at by management - I'm too old for it especially when the 30 somethings are skipping out the door after 8 hours - I'm grateful for employment but am weary and see nothing changing til I can afford to quit in another few years
MsMadge, I always make myself too available on my jobs and end up feeling like what you posted. I’ve noticed management seems to hand hold many of the younger people. It’s hard for me because when I started in the work force, if you couldn’t do the job, be there as they wanted, you were fired. I do see some pluses as they do work more with young mothers which I again did not get that treatment as a young mother. I have just a couple years and I plan to retire so here’s hoping we can hang in there until then!
Dysfunction can be change but only if people recognize their own dysfunction and get counseling, support groups to make changes (providing mental disorders are not involved), it is hard work and is life time work. When you think you are right and everyone else is wrong, change will never come.
I think this is an issue that bears forum wide attention and I don't want to "steal your thunder".
Good info on the grants. Will definitely pass that one along.
And ts1 sending estate update on the eve of mom's 91st? That in itself is quite odd. No mention of the birthday, anniversary or L's death on the same day, a year ago.
glad - it still is shocking to hear the degree of dysfunction in your family, They have no heart. It is good you all got through the service decently. AD is as bad as the twisteds in her own way.
madge (((((hugs)))). I know what you mean about the young ones skipping out. When I worked what I saw was that the more you gave, they more they demanded. Those who gave little had little asked of them. You have to look after you - no one else will. Can you take a break sometime?
sharyn - great news about the grants. Recently I received a report from the CMA (Canadian Medical Association) as I had participated in a questionnaire.
"Advancing Quality of Life and Quality of Care for Seniors, outlines 15 recommendations for how seniors can remain active and engaged citizens of our communities". It addresses the needs of seniors. and also brings in some considerations for caregivers. There probably could be more for caregivers.
re dysfunctionals changing, I have to say I am very impressed with the work my dd is doing on herself. She definitely has some of what mother has, but the past few years she has gone on meds, taken up exercise, and I am not sure what else, but there is a significant change in her. It was entirely her decision and I am proud of her. If I had any small role it was to not accept her "bad" behaviours and set limits to protect myself. Dysfunctional people can change if they want to. I have no idea of all the factors that went into her decision, but I am sure they were complex. She did mention her kids and hub deserving better.
Pam Z - 4 years is a long time. Time flies when you are having fun???
ali - hope you are relaxing some
stacey - how are you?
duck - thinking of you and hoping you find some peace in the midst of the struggle.
So sleepy these days, but it beats aching as a form of recovery. I suppose once bedtime comes around I will wake up. I was thinking I may have to go to the doc about my knee and get some PT prescribed, but then thought that at my age if I say I want PT for my knee as I can't do my squats, they might look askance at me and tell me to act my age. So I looked up some exercises, and did them and some stretching. This morning I was halfway through my coffee before I realised I hadn't felt my knees coming down stairs. Yay!!! Must keep up with the exercises and stretching. I tend to hyperextend my knee a little when I put my foot on the ottoman and put the other leg on top. I need to make sure my whole leg is supported by the ottoman, and keep the other leg off it. Small changes can make a difference.
Everyone - be good to you. You deserve it.
I love to walk too and walk in the house regularly when weather, bugs, bears etc make walking outside unpleasant. I don't want any surgery if I can avoid it. My right shoulder (good arm) used to bother me quite a bit, but hardly does now. I have no idea what happened to improve it, but I am very grateful.
As for a group home. That would be, as bad as(if not worse), as my (ex)wife. People with seizures' are constantly discriminated against by law enforcement. I keep seeing stories of law enforcement using a taser gun on someone having a seizure. After the business owner has called the police. Back in 2006, ABC News did a story about how, people having seizures, are predominantly arrested. Granted that story was done ten years ago. Last year in Gadsden, Alabama. I female teen w/ seizures. Was attending a Hip-Hop concert w/ her mother. When the Hip-Hop artist came into the audience. It caused the teen to have a seizure. The security firm hired by the venue, had no idea how to react to the girl having the seizure. The mother told them that her daughter was having a seizure. They didn't listen, and called the local police. When the police arrived. Not only did they not listen to the mother telling them about her daughter having a seizure. The police TASERED BOTH, the daughter, and the mother.
Not just that. I have seen people w/ hydrocephalus, being tasered who were in the midst of a shunt malfunction.
All because law enforcement, went for the 'quick fix'. Instead of understanding the situation.
That is the added fear I live with every day.
I am not trying to make this sound like 'woe is me'. Just that, seemingly simple answers could have severe consequences.
B stands for bear. When bears are seen
Approaching in the distance
Make up your mind at once between
Retreat and armed resistance.
from Hilaire Belloc's 'The Bad Child's Book of Beasts'
Well done for getting your knee to behave itself!
Love Hilaire Belloc. Every well brought up English school girl of a certain age could quote Belloc.
From Cautionary Tales for Children:
The Chief Defect of Henry King
Was chewing little bits of String.
At last he swallowed some which tied
Itself in ugly Knots inside...
Breakfast, Dinner, Lunch, and Tea
Are all the Human Frame requires...
With that, the Wretched Child expires.
and then there was Jim who was eaten by a lion "And always keep a-hold of Nurse
For fear of finding something worse."
I also love the inexorable logic of Samuel Johnson - tongue in cheek, I am sure.
“If a man who turnips cries,
Cry not when his father dies,
'Tis a proof that he had rather
Have a turnip than a father.”
I have decided that the knee is more a matter of tight ligaments and tendons, due to FM, than it is due to osteoarthritis. I can have days when they don't bother me at all, which flies in the face of joint deterioration. Stretching helps, which supports my theory. Back to doing squats again - gently.
I too appreciate that you cite authors. Plagiarism is all too common. People copy chunks of writings from the internet and present it as their own. Even the authors of recipes should be given due credit, otherwise, essentially, it is theft.
glad - hope kitty is better
upset- Belloc is awesome for children and adults. I suppose the funerals for the ones who died will be taking place soon. Be sure to give yourself some space. You will be exposed to a lot of grieving as well as your own.
I really enjoy the reference to where borrow text comes from. Some I have heard and forgotten. Sometimes even bring back pleasant memories.
I think from the little I knew she had been isolated from family and friends caring for her mother. Plus extreme poverty tends to isolate women as well. The new priest at her church had never met her. I helped her daughter with getting a cemetery plot and funeral. Very sad. I haven't heard of a funeral for the two elderly ladies. I suspect the families because of finances will let the county do the burials. One of them used to go to church, but none of the family had a church affiliation. I read an article in the local paper that it is becoming extremely common for families to do nothing and leave it to the county. It's straining county budgets too.