The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

stacey -well, it is as expected. Looks like Bb has some cognitive problems as well as his other mental health issues and that the triple aortic aneurysm was a ploy to get hub there. Oh well, now hub knows first hand and does not need to play the loving family game any more with Bb. I am sorry that hub did not have a better visit but I doubt that that was possible. Bb is not up to it. I think hubs is right -don't answer the phone to them. Hoping hub gets home soon and you too can finally can get on with your lives without the insanity. Reno and upgrades are bad enough.

upset - hope the eye injections are OK.

beth - I am so sorry that you have all this stress with your dad. When they are so independent it makes it hard for family trying to help. Please try to accept that he is who he is and as long as he is safe it is ok. If he is not safe then maybe a note to his doctor would be in order.

Exercised this morning and napped this afternoon. After discussions with dd (my personal trainer lol) I have ordered a weighted vest as wearing it is the easiest way for me to increase the strength building capacity of my exercises. I have made progress from when I started and feel I am ready for this. I need to remember that my recovery time is long both due to my age and due to the CFS/FM so exercising 2x a week is probably right and if I am OK in between I can do a little more. However I do walk most days of the week if I am feeling up to it. And it is OK to take a week or so off if I am too tired or have a flare up. It makes me feel better to know that spending all this down time is actually accomplishing things inside me like building muscle as well as restoring energy. I really encourage anyone to do a little more than you are doing and do it on a regular basis. You will benefit. I can squat now without needing to hang onto anything to balance myself Yay!!! And be sure to eat enough protein -100 gms a day minimum!!!

Off my soapbox now. R has two different interviews tomorrow. Prayers appreciated.
Have a good evening!

Golden, prayers for R on success with his interviews! Your workout plans seem to be working, good for you Sweetie! I need to follow suit and get my behind in gear!

UpsetSister, sorry your kidney function isn't functioning up to par! Good luck with your treatment plan, I'm sorry to say that I don't know too much about dialysis, assuming it is a form of dialysis! Make sure to rest up in between!

I've been lucky with my health care providers, and have had the same PCP and Rheumatologist for years. I'm liking this new Cardiologist too, but hope she is a short term specialist!

You guys were All Right about Bb, after my previous post, Bb never called my husband back, and I'm disgusted with him. I at least thought he would call my husband back and try to make things right, but I guess he didn't like the tables turned on him. It's true, a leopard cannot change his spots. Too bad, he could have had good friend in my husband, but it is now to late, and hubby is fine with it. He'd better hope that I'm not the one who answers the phone next time he calls, if he calls, as I'm going to lambaste him if I answer! I've tried so hard to give him the benifit of the doubt these past few months, buying into his health woes, but I'm now believing they are all a ploy to gain sympathy from us, and probably a ploy to request monies from us down the road. He just pizzed off the wrong (and only) little brother, who's wife can be a nasty wench when crossed too! We are definitely Done with his BS! Wish him well in his future, but that's about it! So long sucker!

I'm so glad my hubby is home tomorrow, I've missed him, and Charlie-girl has missed him too! We've talked more in these last 5 days than we normally do though, Lol! It is Weird how he turned out So Different from the rest of his family! Thank God! Lol!

Golden, blood suckers! Lol! I find it interesting I do not have to go to a lab as they do it in the office. They must send it out unless there is a pathologist lab inside the building. Anyway, because I have been pre- diabetic for around 3 years and it has been 6 months since a test, the dr wants it checked. Good for you with the exercises!  Prayers for R in upcoming interviews. 

Stacey, again my heart goes out to you and your hubby after all you have given and tolerated to have Bb play this game with your hubby. You both deserve to move forward with your life now, enjoy your marriage, the new carpet and vinyl when all is completed.

Yesterday was busy, my hubs and I went out looking for a new artificial Christmas tree. We tossed the old one as it had seen better days. Afterwards dd and I went to target to look for full size bed blankets. Got home from target and made split pea soup.

I should do squats and can squat down with good balance, I just can’t get back up without holding onto something.

Thanks again for support, all my fellow caregivers. I am being quite careful to structure help as to not enable. It’s another example of folks that are failing and should be in a more supported environment. E has said she will never leave her house. I am not willing to sacrifice myself or my finances to make it happen. She and her mother should downsize to apartment with no maintenance but have 3 dogs and 2 cats in a 2 story house with an upstairs crammed full and seldom visited. I was frustrated and I am sad. E is depressed and takes meds, but won’t seek counseling. She has a masters and worked at psych hospital for over 25 years so she is the expert needing no help. Sigh. Just a situation that I am trying to slow down the crises, knowing no one can prevent them. E’s mom is the closest person to mother I’ve got and she is truly good. I’m watching to see mom is not snatched up or taken advantage of by outsiders. I can’t help their codependent dynamic while both are living. Just a reminder to document and downsize for our own lives. Again, thanks cyber supporters.
Upset, mom takes treatments for her macular. Uncomfortable but her sight is maintaining for over 3 years, check for grants to offset costs...

Guest, Good to hear about your Mom's treatments. Insurance company has approved the treatments for my eyes. I have a $30.00 co-pay. Not looking forward to them, but necessary. My vision is starting to get worse.

I've made the decision, that when the times comes for dialysis, I'm going to have the slower New Zealand style treatments at home. They take twice as long, but they are easier on your system and life expectancy is longer. New Zealand style also lowers risk of heart attack and stroke. I hope my kidney function numbers will hold steady and it will be awhile before I have to start dialysis treatment.

Hubby is home, and happy to be so, we're all happy too!

Just as I suspected, Bb started calling here today, while hubby was in route to home, but I let his calls go to voice mail. I don't want to talk to him, and listen to his excuses as to why he ghosted my husband for 4 1/2 days he was there, waiting around and listening to excuse after excuse! Hubby has no intention of talking to him for a while I'm sure, he's sick of the entire mess that is his brothers life!

I'm just glad this is behind us, lesson learned, that said, hubby just had to see it with his own eyes, and now he has. I'm glad he lives 800+ miles away! The End!

Thanks for letting me Vent these past few days! You guys are Awesome!  Stace 

Way to go Stacey!!

Stacey, Enjoy your weekend with your husband. BIL is in the rear view mirror!!!!

Hi All. Independent Parents: I don't know what to think anymore. I have been talking to my Mother (on the phone - as usual) and she has been (repeatedly) making it clear as to why she will never move to AL. The Visiting Nurse had brought some info to her about AL, and when my Mother saw how much it would cost, she said she would never pay that much, but she is still complaining about all the things she has trouble doing now, and that she has no one who is willing to help her, etc, etc. I still have not told her that we will not be going to her house for Thanksgiving this year, I don't have the courage to break this news to her - yet, and I know it will be horrible when I finally tell her. I have been asking her questions, to get a better idea of how she thinks she can do all of the shopping and cooking that she plans on doing. (She can't do it all alone, so she would need our help, meaning my husband and I would have to get to her house very early in the morning, which we are not planning to do.) So, she just tried to put a frozen pie in her oven, but realized that she can't lift it with one hand. She has to hold on to her walker with both hands, and, she just saw her PCP who told her NOT to try to do any of these things by herself. But, my Mother will not listen. So now, she still has the problem of fluid in her legs, and, she told me today that she is supposed to put her legs up each day for a minimum of 3 hours (I am sure they told her to put them up longer), but she told me today that she can't possibly do that. She is still staying up all night, falls asleep in her chair (in front of the TV) around 3:00am and wakes up at 4:00am and that is it for sleeping. So, the latest is this: she was sleeping in her chair, and somehow she scraped both legs on the coffee table and these scrapes have not healed yet. As I mentioned, she has her chair right up to the TV, which is on a low coffee table, and she puts her legs under this table. So while she was sleeping she somehow managed to scrape the skin off the front of both legs. The Visiting nurses have been coming, but at the latest visit - the nurse said she was very concerned that her skin is not healing. All of this going on, and my Mother still wants to have everyone at her house for Thanksgiving and wants to have all the Traditional food, PLUS the Italian food for my Brother, because that is the only food that he will eat. So today, I found out that my Mother wants my brother to take her food shopping to get all of this food, and also Christmas Shopping, but he has not agreed to take her. On the other hand, my Mother does not seem to realize that she can't walk very well at all, and does not care about the condition of her legs - both the edema, and the cuts that wont heat. So, if my Husband and I had agreed to go to her house and do all of the cooking, I can see that all of the work would fall to us. I just can't bear the idea of having to do all of that work by ourselves. I will be breaking the news to her, I know that I should have told her months ago. It seems that my Mother is hanging on to the idea of everyone being there, no matter what. I am really dreading all of this, but I know I have to tell her. Wish me Luck !!

Hugs, East Eagle. Nothing stirs up elder nonsense like the holidays! Be strong.

East, Holidays are so stressful. You and your husband are right in not going to do all the work and making the decision to spend the day with your family. Good luck with telling her.

East, good luck. We had one last holiday meal for Easter at mom's house before she and L moved to a facility. I knew it was the last time for a holiday in her home and am very happy we did that. And I did all the work. Just something to think about. Do what feels right to you.

Had a nice day today with my kiddos and grands. Baby's first birthday. Gosh time goes fast. Party was at ex's as son and dil do not have enough space for the 16 people that were there. It was nice to be together. Found out ex was diagnosed with MS about six months ago. Kids did not tell me anything. Evidently he has been having trouble with a lazy foot for about nine years. His doc retired and he got a new doc that ordered the proper tests. Ex has had vision issues for about 25 years, maybe that was the start of it. This type of MS is usually diagnosed when someone is in their 30's. Sad.

I once dated a man with MS and with a flare up became a real AH!

sharyn - a little practice wth the squats and you would be able to get up unaided. Don't go all the way down till your legs are stronger.You need to use your back muscles as well as your thighs.

Hi east - I think you are being very realistic deciding you can't go to your mum's and do all that cooking. Nor likely can she do all that shopping. The condition of her legs sounds worrisome, but she won't comply with the visiting nurses to treat them. Good luck with telling her and stay firm. I am afraid that she will have another health episode soon and land in hospital again. Nothing you can do about it. It is good that the nurses are visiting.

stacey - hope Bb stops with the phone calls, You and hub don't need it.

upset - I hope your kidney function stays good for a while too. It is great that you have insurance now to cover the costs of treatment. Do slow down and relax more. 

guest - look after you and keep us updated in your friend and her mum. That is a disaster waiting to happen.

glad - boy, time flies. Baby's first birthday!!! I am sorry about your ex's diagnosis. The vision issues could be part of it. Good that you had a nice time with kids and grands. They grow up fast.

Increased my dose of resveratrol and been sleeping more which is probably good. Hope it continues.

Take care all - be good to you.

East, the holiday food shopping only becomes a real problem if and when your brother does agree to take your mother to get it. Which he may not do. But to close down that potential risk, call your brother and tell *him* that you although haven't broken the news to her yet you will certainly not be going to mother's house for Thanksgiving. That way he will know that your mother doesn't need to get in supplies and can make sure that she doesn't go to the expense and trouble - he won't need to say "they're not coming" but he can continue to put off the shopping trip 'pending final catering headcount' so to speak.

But you know, I think you should treat your mother with the same courtesy you'd extend to any other "hostess" (granted that most hostesses don't expect their guests to do all the cooking and clearing up!) and let her know as soon as possible that you've made other plans.

Put it this way. "Mother, we're spending Thanksgiving with Daughter this year." Rather than, "Mother, we're not coming to you for Thanksgiving." Same facts, still true, but not leading with the rejection - you see?

Golden, I will try the squats modified. I want to also do a floor exercise we call donkey kicks. Get on all fours, lift one leg up doing sets of 10 or more. Repeat with other leg. It is suppose to help with butt and lower back muscles.

Glad, sorry to hear about ex. I’m glad you enjoyed the family, a year for the baby. She is doing well since surgery.

Stacey, good your hubby is home and saw with his own eyes. Confirms everything and now time to put it all behind him!

Upset, good luck with the eye treatments, it sounds like it will be very helpful. Hoping your kidneys hold steady.

I am using raw, local honey to see if it will help with allergies. I figure with the natural antibiotics and antifungal properties, it certainly won’t hurt.

I have been off for a while. Acutually I miss you all and think about AC daily. Just dont have the energy to catch up and keep up.
Golden so glad your sleep situation is improved. Good exercise has great benefits. When I was not working I did a lot of walking and felt good. Was too tired to let dynamics stress me too much. LOL

Stacey its so sad, the dynamics with your husband and his brother. I dont know how it affects him, but I get teary eyed and wishful when I see sibblings just being together even the children playing. I think its the parents who set the relationship.

I have to catch up. I have been having to spoon feed my mother and I am so glad that our relatiohship is "normal". There is no vindictivness, spite, or ugliness. Its so nice and I guess its par for the cause. she hardly eats, I have to walk behind her to feed her on the most times. When I am off I get her to sit and talk to tv while I cook.

Here is the amazing? thing. I have had a lifelong history of being told by my mother and sister I dont do anything, and never did. So now my sister is singing that song. sounds just like my mother. its a form of denial but it still hurts. So much so that because I was stressing as I did, I stepped back and let her see what I am not doing so to speak. She doesnt have a clue. Does nothing. I didnt clean fridge now for about 3 weeks, well a little damage control. Just as I am realizing I am going to have to do it anyway "Duh" becuase my sister doesnt even realize the need (I start to babble) anyways my mother cleaned the shelves in fridge, spilt milk dried, syrup I was amazed. She also mopped floor said it was too filthy. So stuff kicks in. This week though I have to do the floors and bathroom. I just have too. Im fooling my self becuase it needs to be done. I just realize I dont have to do it because of demand and even if its temporary at least my mother is back to doing chores. Its good, keeps her busy.

My other thing is that she is locked in so she cant take out her trash like she usually did. I usually take a bag and stuff out fridge and junk accumulating around house and throw it out in street cans when I go do my laundry.

I also notice my mother is on something to make her sleep. I have no Idea what, but she was sleep like a baby when I left for work which is unusual. The last few weeks she is knocked out when I get home in the morning and I feed her when I leave out.

I am wondering what its going to be like when I get off. This morning is was constant bamming on the door "lets go" or come open this door. I tell her to go to her daughter upstairs. It does something to my nerves when she bams on door. I try to ignore and direct her to my sister instead of me being harrassed constantly. When it wasnt the dementia its was spiteful stuff like turn off the tv or light with the bamming.

At night now, I see my sister turns out the light on her floor. When I moved in my mother controlled the light on my floor. I learned not to depend on it. She had a string that hung down to her floor and when that broke she would go to my sisters floor to turn it on. I wasnt worthy of a light.

So my mother treats me normal now. She is not eating and my sister is carrying my mother's torch. So I leave stuff alone and let her deal with it. I just make sure my mother eats. Its sad to see 4 bottles of mayonaise, ham and boloney stuck inbetwenn shevles and rotting tomatoes in plastic bags. How are you caring for someone when you just pick up stuff and dont monitor how its used or if its used? The sad thing is that my twister is unable to see herself, She puts on the helmet and just runs no goal no aim only just because she has the ball. Then blames me for the aftermath. Like my mother.
I have ordered her some drinks. she does do the ensure. I am thinking of trying to make some kind of smoothie with her food. Its really hard to get her to eat. My twister leave the macd breakfast and she packs it with her other stuff.
]The other night she bams on door and demands I take two bags. I was scared but eventually went through them. Clothees and damp stuff was so rancid I just threw them out.
I have to lay back or I will go crazy. I will do a good clean this week because the holiday week I will be on for 5 12hrs shifts as people have familys to share love with over the holidays.
I wish it was like that with this family. My son is in Korea, I miss them also. Anyways, Rays of love and peace to all.

The accident update:) Long post but not much new.
All quiet on the friend front. E texted my husband that she is waiting for insurance to contact her about adjuster checking her car out. Car was towed to E's house by insurance company so that she is not paying daily storage fees at insurance lot...so she has her wrecked car backed into her driveway behind her house waiting.... My hope is that code compliance doesn't drive by....No calls or texts over weekend for assistance of any kind. Response of "we're fine, bruised but fine" on phone call last Friday and nothing over weekend. So I am waiting *shrug*. E has appt with doctor on Wednesday pre-set before all this for colonoscopy. I've told her I can drop her off at 6 am, her Mom can wait with her, and I'll pick up after my morning work shift is done at noon. I can't cancel more work at morning part time job - the afternoon part time job canceled my Thursday and Friday shifts after I called in Wednesday for E's accident and her mom's trip to ER. I was offered a diet DP as a "tip" for leaving work, canceling shift, driving to doctor and ER on last Wednesday. Oh, and hugs from Mom (not E). However, I can't pay gas bills, son's bills, etc. on hugs. E stated on phone call to check in Thursday that she thought they'd see me in person to check on them. However, my morning job gave me 2 extra hours on Thursday and Friday because the manager found out my afternoon job canceled. He felt sorry for me and my financial situation with son at college and my own furnace and A.C. replacements having to be paid for. I told E I took the extra hours and she repeated that they thought I'd come by to check on them in person and see if they needed anything. The no call is the narc punishment, but this is where my boundaries come in. I understand E is freaked about money, but so am I. Aren't we all in this economy??
My gold standard is helping my sister with her knee surgery 4 years ago. My sis paid for plane ticket, gas and food while I stayed with her for 3 days, and my missed money for PT job while I was there so I was not out of pocket. So I know that boundaries can be respected. And it's my responsibility to enforce them. So I'll keep ya posted - but no grocery trip requests were actually made after I informed E and her mom on Thursday that I'd go shop for them to fill a list with a credit card, or pick up order placed and paid online, but I was not available for their usual weekend 3 hour aisle by aisle stall crawl. No subsequent requests or calls afterward.

Well, hubby has been home 3 full days, and still no word from his Brother, not that I expected he would call, but really? What a POS! I'm so glad I didn't take that call from him on Friday, while hubby was traveling back home, as it would have been filled will excuses, trying to sway me to see his side of the reasons why he didn't "put himself out" in any way to enjoy his time with my husband, and why didn't my husband go to dinner on Thursday night, after waiting all day long for a phone call from him.

Still, hubby is glad to have seen for himself and is glad it's all behind him. And expensive lesson, but done and done!

On a happier note, our carpet is in, and installation should begin in the next few days, plus we just bought 2 lots of furniture for livingroom and family room, it comes in 2 weeks, so Yeah, it will be all done by December 1st! 

Dd is having Thanksgiving at their place on the Friday after the holiday, so that is settled too, Lol! I hate that anyone feels to be put out doing a big meal, but she seems fine with it now, and her hubby is excited to cook for us all.

I'm getting excited for Christmas, first time in a Long time! I'm even happy to cook a big Christmas dinner this year! I can't wait to decorate! Definitely planning on doing most of the Christmas shopping online, that's for sure! I'm feeling better with my chest symptoms, and in general now! Follow up with the Cardiologist this week, to see how my tests turned out.

Glad, so happy you had a nice visit with your Grandies and family, sorry about your ex and his dx! That's a rough one!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Not a peep from (relatively) new Trust Officer in 2 weeks. I know she is out of the office often, I wonder if she has small children, or her own caregiving situation, who knows. But fact remains that I don't hear from her even if I'm just asking her to "check in" with me. This is reminiscent of how other TO was -- he ignored me as he pleased because he could. I don't know what is going on. Property Management guy from same company has no problem calling on me in past few weeks to do things that need doing to facilitate clean up and sale of the house. I'm tired of feeling used by this situation and... really, there is no guarantee that it won't end up playing out where I'm giving until the very end, and they never give me a dollar back. It stinks. It's also reality. I'm not sure what I'll do if they categorically refuse to reimburse. I suppose I would give their Trust horrible reviews wherever I could and that's about the only recourse I could have. And the thing is... I feel they are deserving of terrible reviews, but isn't it funny that if they would only reimburse some of my material purchases, that would be enough for me to just wash my hands of everything. I WANT a reason to leave this all behind me. I sure wish they'd give it to me. I fear they won't. I fear it's more of the same from them.

Ali, how about trying a "left hand, meet right hand" approach - when the Property Management guy calls you with yet more instructions, tell him you'll be happy to co-operate - pending the outcome of your enquiries to his Trust Officer colleague. Then fold your arms/be a broken record until you get the response you want.

I haven't yet had confirmation of x y and z.
I won't be able to action that until I have heard from Ms TO.
Of course; but I will need first to speak to...

etc.

With a bit of luck he'll end up being as frustrated and annoyed as you (quite rightly) are; the difference being that he can find out where she is.

Ali, you have spent your time and funds on this house and dad for six years without any sort of payment. Time to stop without any sort of reimbursement. The tasks they ask you to do now should be paid for either on a task by task basis or hourly, including travel time! You have other things you should be tending to. You time in that trench is done. You may want to get a free consult with an attorney to see what they suggest. Do you have a copy of the trust? Refer to it as it probably states that no one should pay for items or provide services without payment. My Mom's did.

Ali, Glad and CM have give some good advice. When the property manager calls making requests, tell them you cannot process their requests until they guarantee you payment for your work and reimbursement for any supplies you need. The Trust is not doing their job if you are not being reimbursed.

My mom's dysfunctional family strikes again. Got a call from one of my mom's sisters late afternoon. She called to tell me that my 93-year-old aunt died this morning. This is the aunt whose children tried to dump her with me. The aunt who called kept saying don't you feel bad that you didn't take care of her?. I asked her if it was that critical why didn't she, her husband, and her adult daughters take care of her. She had no answer.

 About an hour later the funeral home called. I've known the owner my whole life. They have done funerals for everyone in my family. He wanted to know how I was taking care of the funeral. I told him I wasn't. He said that my cousin and her daughter's had told him I was in charge and paying for everything. I said no I had nothing to do with it.

 I called her  brother. He hadn't been told his mother had died. He said they weren't doing anything. I then called my cousin and asked her why she gave the funeral home my name. She said she knew I would want her mother to have a nice funeral, wake and dinner. I told her no that wasn't my problem. She started crying and carrying on about what a horrible life she and her daughter's had and how I had everything blah, blah, blah. I asked if her mother had any money, life insurance policy, etc. they said no she didn't have anything like that. Whine, whine! They wanted to know if I would loan them $10,000 so they could have a nice funeral. I told them no because they had no way to repay a loan. What a mess! 

I called their brother back. He said his brother was the executor. I called him and he told me that his Mom said my mother told his mother that she would take care of everything. I asked if he had anything in writing. He said no. I told him that I knew my Mom would never had told her that and if she had she would have put it in writing. I told him they would have to take care of this themselves. He was mad that I wasn't going to take care of things. I said I was sorry it was their responsibility. I hung up on him. 

Since then I've gotten three or four more calls from various relatives. All of them mad that I'm not jumping in and taking on this expense. They think because I got money from my dad and uncle's farm that I should spend it on some funeral. I don't know what's wrong with all of them. Dysfunctional drama and stress I don't need. My Mom and her family are the gift that keeps on giving. Although I honestly don't think my Mom had anything to do with this mess.

Executor of what, exactly?!

I have to say, this family's incorrigible brass neck is quite something, isn't it - they don't seem to learn! How many sisters were there altogether? - just wondering how many more of them are going to be imagining that The Family Treasurer will solve all their problems.

Upset, you could write a novel, couldn't you!

Or just think of the soap opera we could all get together and write! So many different happenings that the very large majority would be ready to watch. And never in the world think it was at all real. Many people would be binge watching our stories. 😁

Five sisters. Two perfectly ordinary, the other three dysfunctional to varying degrees.

We could write quite the novel or perhaps an anthology of the worst of the worst short stories.

CM, Maybe executor of my aunt's nonexistent estate????

Upset, when my aunt (mother's sister who was living with her) died, aunt had spent every nickel of the CD's and investment account that my grandmother had left that was supposed to be shared with my mother. Guess what, it wasn't. Aunt lived with my Mom rent free and delayed filing Social Security because my Mom was paying for everything and "she'd get more if she waited". Aunt spent money like water on my cousin, sending him and bachelor party to Mexico before wedding, etc. My mother owned her house, had paid off her mortgage with NO help from Auntie or various relatives that lived with my mother on their dysfunctional courses. When aunt died, my cousin demanded the bank account info - no money! where is it? investment account info - no money! where is it? My mother gave him all my aunt's paperwork (remember, this is the son who would not let his mother, my aunt, live with him in 5 bedroom house - not enough room with him/wife/1 child living there...) and cousin then asked when he would be getting "aunt's share" of the house. She had told cousin that she quit paying for stuff for cousin because she ran out of money paying for the house. Imagine the chagrin when not only was there no payoff on house, no life insurance, no pension, and no bank account/investments to fund cousin's lifestyle, there was not enough money to cremate and bury her. My cousin asked my mother to pay entire amount - she paid half. Same cousin came sniffing around when my mother died asking if she had left money to grandkids, and since his daughter looked upon my mom as Grandma....no again. Same cousin lost his house to foreclosure when he couldn't pay the balloon payment and asked my sister for loan to tide him over. My sister's response same - it would not be a loan, it would end up a gift because he had no means to pay it back. She said no - told me that if he could not afford to live in house, it would be throwing good money after bad. Cousin didn't speak to sis for a year. The gall baffles me, too. The fact that you have money is not a gateway to fund all the deadbeats in the world - and yet they think it is.

Guest, I know exactly what you are talking about. Back years ago my son was at university with only me helping him pay. I was working two jobs to help him. He had two jobs himself. My aunt who died yesterday asked me to give her daughter some money every week. I couldn't believe it. I said no her daughter and granddaughters could get a job. Deadbeats always want more.