The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Golden, I can understand why you are burned out. You have had so much going on the last 2 years or so. The evacuation in itself would be such an emotional shock to process. I hope you can have time to just “be” this winter. Maybe a trip somewhere,where you can just rest, take in the sounds of quiet.

One thing about working again, drama with young women! A young mother which management has worked with her schedule because she has 3 young children...giving her Halloween off, everything off, etc. she wants to leave work early now every night. She was reprimanded for it. She calls in yesterday, too sick to work which wasn’t true because she told me and another co-worker she was going to do it, lol! Drama! I have to work today now because management told her not to come in until Friday so she is well recovered. I was so looking forward to having today and tomorrow off. Oh well!

Sharyn, I know what you mean about some younger workers. I can't figure out whether it's lack of responsibility, dedication, etc. I try to work with everyone's schedule, family needs, etc. I'm sorry you didn't get your two days together. Several years ago I was working for a hospital ER. I was the low seniority person - worked every holiday for a year.

Golden, I hope you get to rest for awhile. I've enjoyed this week - not having to do anything or be anywhere. My granddaughter says we're getting pink polish with glitter. She says it will match her cast. Her cast is neon hot pink.

My DIL called. Her dad passed away early this morning. I feel so bad for her and her family. No funeral right now. He's being cremated and there will be a memorial service later. My DIL is going to stay with her mother until Sunday.

Everyone have a nice day. Don't work yourself into a frenzy. Be thankful for all things large and small. I'm thankful for all of you and the support and encouragement you give to all.

It’s an entitlement issue!

Sharyn, Hadn't thought of that. You're mostly likely spot on!

Traveling tomorrow so out of pocket. Happy Turkey Day or November 23rd or whatevah!
Sharyn/Upset - entitlement is the word. But it's not the younger generation. It's narcissists, and we're surrounded by them....
Update on E and Mom-car is officially totaled. Awaiting amount to pay-still sounds like insurance on guy who hit them is iffy. Husband and I took the 2 of them to little cafe nearby that serves turkey dinner with stuffing on Tuesdays so Mom got her turkey dinner for Thanksgiving. Mom paid for our meals-me chicken fried steak and hubs french toast:) E spent dinner talking about how terrible her year has been and her life disappointments. Usual fare. But her mom is closest to mom I have left and we've been friends (when managed properly) for almost 40 years. I don't have many in my circle that long any more. It's funny, though - this is why I don't trust hubs and his promises of no family requirements. He had told me he'd help E if asked, and when asked last night he told her I had better contacts through garage I work for than he did. True, but this is why I don't trust him not to push off the "she's better at that than me" with his parents. We'll see at tax time:(

Ms Madge, Any suggestions for a Sunday dinner somewhere near LAX coming from Bakersfield. Kid friendly, nothing fancy.

Upsetsister, There is an Olive Garden restaurant in the Westfield mall near LAX. Have a great Thanksgiving weekend!

Thanks yogagirl! Everyone likes Olive Garden and we don't live near one. Again thank you.

Wow. I emailed new Trust Officer with a "thanks for nothing, take care" email, and she replied. I didn't say "thanks for nothing," of course not. What I said was that this ignoring my communication was the same thing the original Trust Officer did in 2011, he just ghosted me completely, and then I set out to do what I knew needed to be done, since he wouldn't communicate or assist. New Trust Officer replied and apologized for "delay" (it's been a month!) and said my request is neither approved or denied at this point.

That's cool... I just don't expect anything from them because this is a pattern where I've asked for things and they don't/won't do it. So... if by some small miracle, they do actually reimburse any part of my receipts, I'll be thrilled.

Upset, such bad timing for DIL's dad's decline and death during your trip out there... but some things in life just don't stick to plans, and death is one of them. Sounds like you're having a great trip in spite, though.

Guest, that's interesting to me about what your hubs does, in his way of helping others. His way of helping is to often put things on to you, because "you're better at it." My bro does that kind of thing to SIL. And my bro still thinks he helped because he told SIL or someone else to do something. ;-) And your story also reminded me how bad an idea it is to be the person in your family who is good at stuff!!! My mom got it in her head that I would come to her city after helping my dad here and help her get her cluttered houses into shape. No way Jose, and she hasn't mentioned that again in awhile, thankfully, except every so often in her "poor me" mode that comes out if I dare to complain about any hardship in my own life. Lololol... sigh... Well, anyway. Boundaries are great and I'm so thankful to learn about what that looks like in daily life from you and other posters here.

Happy American Thanksgiving, all.

cm - the soda incident was me drinking the end of a bottle of that very popular brown soda, feeling something in my mouth, spitting it out into the sink and identifying it at the two cut off ends of latex glove fingers with yellow-orange grainy material in them, some of which I had consumed. After photographing it and returning the objects to the bottle, we reported it to the proper authorities and, after some searching, found a lab that would test it. I just got an email that the final report is about ready. The testing has included bacteriological tests, and MRI. It has made me somewhat nauseous at times when dealing with the incident, and when being around fizzy brown stuff in bottles. The lab testing is costing me something so I will see a lawyer no matter what the results are, to at least recover costs. Then what remains will be sent to the company. If the results are what I think they will be it will also have to go public - something I do not relish at all. I didn't need it but I have to deal with it.

Realising that I have to say goodbye to this house. Gordie was 3 when we moved in here. 20 years later he died, but I am still here. The kids spanned from 3 to 16, so it was a busy time and the house has done us well. We have been through so many family holidays and other occasions here. Dd and fam were staying here when both grandsons were born. Special times!!! I gave up hosting family dinners a few years ago. The Christmas tree is now a very small artificial one and decorations are minimal. I have some bad memories from this house, but many more good ones. I was reading online about saying good bye to a house and a couple of suggestions hit home. Leave something behind - like carve your initials in a tree or leave a note tucked somewhere in the attic or the basement. I may do both of these things. Also take something with you - plants from the garden, press leaves from your fave tree, or even the door knob to your fave room (does not appeal to me). I am leaving much behind - the garden was a mess when we arrived here and it now has quite a presence. I will place the urns with ashes from my old springer and from Toonie the cat near Gordie's bench on the edge of the woods. May bring a plant of two and/or press some maple leaves in a book. I will miss the fireplace the most and the bush across the street.

I know I need to take the time and emotional energy to process the goodbyes.

Happy Thanksgiving to those in the US.

Golden, Leaving houses is an unnerving process in so many ways. I grew up in one house from birth to 16. When my youngest brother was born we moved to a new house, new town. It was difficult for me changing schools. My dad lived there until his death 33 years later. Mom lived there for an additional 3 years until badbro talked her into moving to Cincinnati and the beginning of a never ending series of bad things that finally ended (kind of) in this last year. My son loved my parents old house. He still talks about it 20 years later. When he visits family in the area he always drives by. Up until last year he always visited my dad's best friend across the street. He passed last year at 94.

I'm sure you'll find the best way to remember your long time home. I have a Christmas cactus I moved from Mom's old house. I have a hens & chicks I moved from great-grandmothers house after she passed. It came from her grandmother's house in tidewater Virginia .

Took the week off of work to help out Mom during Thanksgiving. She's in her early 90's. I live 4 hours away. Brother is local, and does a lot in the way of errands, hauling her around. He doesn't do major stuff - like I had to do painting for her this week.
He's the golden boy, I'm the ungrateful awful daughter who refuses to have her live with her. Not happening, as we've always been like oil and water. She'd come to visit me years ago, when she was much more mobile, and I'd count the days until she'd go (with me driving her back home). Dad died when I was 13, and she's never gotten over it, nor does she want to do so. She wears the widowhood like a badge of honor, wants to be pitied and known as the martyr.
She can be sunny and upbeat then turn on a dime. I think she's been bipolar most of her life to be honest.
Every time I come, I try to make nice meals for her. It always backfires. Nothing is ever good enough. So this morning, she couldn't make it all the way to the bathroom and there were pee dribbles from her bedroom to her ensuite bathroom. Crying, how it was my fault, why does everything happen to her. I asked what she needed and to stop crying. OMG. Like WWIII started.
So she finally got all sunny again, in time for me to get things prepared for tomorrow's dinner. Everything going well, until she'd asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Two items, low cost. Two things I would use. Well where do I find item 2? Local store.
Two to three hours later - she starts angrily questioning me, how am I supposed to get that? You know I can't get out to shop. I said fine, get me gift cards. That is NOT Christmas! I responded with get me whatever you want then. It truly doesn't matter that I have to shop until I drop to get everything precisely what they want, but when it comes to me, ehhh whatever. It's too hard. Get me gift cards. The response was that I make a joke of Christmas, Christmas isn't gift cards!!!
She now has gone into her bedroom without saying a word. Another fabulous habit of pouting. I just don't know what to do. I can only coddle her so much without losing my mind, and that doesn't seem to help anyhow. I told a friend that maybe I should just say order this and that - then donate to a charity for at least a tax write off.
Friday we (meaning me) put up her smaller (still 5 ft tall as a table tree wouldn't do at all) Christmas tree, plus a ton of decorations. She's still got to outdo her neighbors. Lives in a condo community, which she thought was seniors only, but no she didn't read nor ask about it, just assumed.
I am sure something will not be right, I'll be asked "don't you know that?", and that I'm stupid. She loves to insult as a way of making herself feel better, then if I get really upset and cry, she makes fun of me. Today she said well when you get this old, it won't be funny because you'll be all alone. Yes, the dig, which I hear every visit, about how I never got married. Yes, I am not looking forward to it, having really no one to count on, so she knows where to hit me hardest.
As soon as I get back to my home, I call to say I've arrived safely (or she calls yelling at me because I cause her so much worry and stress - inconsiderate!!), then she'll say it's so lonely, and it's all my fault because I'm ungrateful. She never thought she'd have such a child. I'm just the worst. When I repeat back what she says to me, then she'll say, there you go jumping off into the deep end. I dread every holiday. Just dread coming here. I put off visits as much as I can, but I have to come or I get calls with her ranting at me. She started calling me a few months back at 2 to 3 a.m. If I didn't pick up, then she went into screaming into the phone. Was I ok, and I sure didn't think much of her. When I called back, she'd ask, do you love me? I honestly didn't answer because I was so po'd at that point. She called just to make sure my work day was crap the next day. To her, she comes before anything I have going on in my life, and considers my job (I support myself - and I'm not in love with my job but I need it) as an adversary I think. Her power went out a week or so ago, and it was all my fault. I may end up being "sick" over Christmas. I hate to do that as there are probably not many years left with her, and when she goes, so goes any family celebrations. My brother and I are not close, never have been. I just don't know how much I can take. The only good thing is I'm in for a couple of days at Christmas, then out. Thanks for letting me vent.
Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.

Moving is a type of loss. so you have to do your grieving and process it the best you can. With all the various trials I have been through over the years, this house has been a "safe place" for me. I think that is one reason I want to create another safe place to move to - not something that feels strange or too new to me. Hence the gradual transition I am making. Bringing plants is a problem as we will not have a garden in the condo, and I don't see us buying a recreational property too quickly, but you never know. Worst comes to worst R could probably stick a few plants in a brother's garden till we can find a home for them.

upset - sorry about dil's father. The timing is difficult.

sharyn - sorry you are having to work over the holiday. There are those who take more than full advantage of their employer.

guest - enjoy some time away and keep those boundaries firm. Hub may get it one day.

ali - at least she answered but... cold comfort.

Freezing rain warning for tomorrow and I have an appointment. Great! Hopefully the roads will be better by the afternoon.

Sissisu, Welcome to the thread. Vent, ask questions. Everyone has had their family drama. My Mom was totally narcissistic. She passed away earlier this year. I always dreaded holidays. I was divorced for about 25 years and it was always thrown up in my face that I didn't have a family and on and on. I have a younger brother that I'm close to. My other brother is deceased, but he and his family were her favorites. Dysfunctional families are bad. But you can survive and you can find happiness on your own, despite your mother's best efforts to make your whole life be about her.

Come back anytime to vent or comment. You'll always be welcome. Try your best to have a good Thanksgiving.

There have been several new posters lately: Skem66, vhelper, Sissisu. Want to say Welcome to DYS thread! If you seek further input other than just venting, please keep posting and more users will give input for you. If you're mostly here to vent, then vent away! Caregiving is difficult in a good family situation, and caregiving in a dysfunctional family situation can be downright maddening, so please utilize this thread to get the support and input that you need.

I had a physical, and more likely than not sexual abusive childhood. I have been seeing a therapist for 3 or 4 yrs. now. I hate to use the word, but my (father) is an alcoholic. He always has been. It runs in the family. My mother who I used to be close with and tried to get help for her to get away from him has turned on me. She is mentally ill now. My aunt who is the father's sister is a drug addict. I have a brother and a sister. My grandmother is 90. She has alot of serious health problems at this point. I need to get her into at least an assisted living home. She lives in an apt. alone right now and it is not working out well. I ALONE take care of her. I see that her needs are met. I take her shopping and to Dr. Appointments etc. I live an hour away from her. I call her every day, if I am not able to be there. My aunt ONLY goes to see her to get money from her for what I KNOW to be drugs. She tells my grandmother stories like, she has cancer and needs med. money. Her eye is bleeding. She has no heat or food. Her car needs repairs etc. I am tired of it. I reported her, but they told me if my grandmother is giving her the money there is nothing they can do. NOBODY goes to see her or help her with anything. My aunt gets her money and leaves. The rest of the family is much closer too. It is creating a wedge between me and my siblings too. :(

Dragonfly52, Welcome to the thread. You are in a difficult situation and if your grandmother has medical problems she probably needs to be in Assisted Living. Does she have adequate means to pay for this housing? Does anyone have Power of Attorney to handle her money? You need to talk with her about these things if she does not have dementia. Ask questions here on AC. There are many people on AC with a wealth of experience.

Sisisu welcome! Your mom sounds toxic, and mentally ill. There is a long thread on here " is it normal she's so negative?" It would be instructive reading for you. Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi All, well, my heart tests are in and nothing serious, I did wear a 49 hour holster monitor which showed a couple of short runs of SVT (supraventricular tachycardia), which in themselves aren't to worrisome,  and the stress echocardiogram showed that my heart beats to hard and fast, so my Cardiologist is upping my beta-blocker to twice a day, which should help,  and that's it! Other than that, it time to start focusing on me, start getting off some pounds, eat right and get healthier. That is definitely my plan going forward, New Years resolutions and all  Yea!

Hubby brother has called only once since hubby has been back, but we did not answer the phone,  as hubby has nothing to say to him, and we're fine with that decision for now. We've too much going on to give him any energy!

My house is completely torn up, as the new carpet is being installed, only to find out that we're 15 feet too short on our order, so hallways and family room are completed and look lovely,  but we wait for the additional carpet to arrive on Tuesday,  and finnish the living room. We got rid of all the old furniture but one recliner, and that too will go, when the new furniture arrives, So Excited!  

The vinyl is down in the kitchen,  but the glue still needs to dry, before putting the appliances back in (new stove comes on the 30th), so they are in my hallway, that will be finished on Friday. Then, my furniture for for family and living room arrives on the 27th,  so it's a total cluster***k! It will be beautiful when it's all done,  hopefully by December 1st! I can't wait to put it all back together!  

We will spend tomorrow celebrating Thanksgiving at Dd's house (Friday), that way the kids can all see their in-laws and families,  that way there's not so much chaos, which works great for us this year especially with all this mess, and we are looking forward to seeing all our kids and Grandies in one place! All I've got to bring is the pies and whipping cream, so easy-peasy! 

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving!  Hope it's as stress free as possible and Super Fun! Take Care All!

Sooo, no kitchen, no furniture, still no carpet in the living room. Does that mean you have to spend all your time in the bedroom? 😜

Well, today hasn't been great. I had to make the entire dinner, on my feet since 7:30 a.m., being told don't forget this or that - I'd already had everything under control. I tried a new recipe (highly rated all over the internet and from friends) for one of the meat dishes. Yes, we have to have two. I spent a lot of time getting everything together. Brother swoops in about 30 min before I had everything done. Wanted to start carving the one meat dish (new recipe). Called for it to rest for at least 20 minutes, and surprisingly, Mom told him to back off. So he got ticked off I guess. I did ask him to come and carve it once I had 3 other dishes I was finishing. He's eating away (at least 1.5 helpings) and I asked how is it? Oh it tastes weird. Made a face. Now, I had a piece and it was moist and I didn't taste much in the way of seasonings, just moist meat. Of course, Mom jumps on the bandwagon and says oh maybe something's wrong with that brand, I should've gotten a better name brand. It went to an awkward silence, and I tried to keep the tears from coming. I honestly got sick to my stomach. Nothing really said about oh what a nice meal; one comment from Mom about the stuffing, but it's her "recipe". Basically, it's what she learned from her mother. I made the damned dish. Brother then made a big to do about eating meat dish two, oh you might want to try this one Mom (bite me). Then grabbed more of meat dish one, adding gravy, because it tasted so bad. Oh, and the prepared items (the canned gravy, etc) were all so good. Again, bite me. So I ate what was on my plate and went into the restroom. I then went into the guest bedroom and crawled under the covers. I think they both knew they'd really hurt my feelings or I wasn't feeling well - both true.
I came back out and brother did clear the table, put leftovers away, but he's a neat freak so not a surprise. The deal was he and Mom, when she was more mobile, ran the holiday dinners. I now do it all, and it drives him nuts. He would share the kitchen with Mom, but never with me. All of the dishes and pans were stacked up, for me to wash. Thanks. Like he couldn't have stepped up and washed dishes. I just sighed and washed, dried, and put it all away. Of course, I had to haul it all out and set the table, get a holiday tablecloth out, etc. I am bushed.
He decided to go home (he lives within 5 miles away, so a 15 minute drive max), as he usually does on holidays. He always comes back at night for a supper of leftovers. Mom asked if he was coming back later, to which he said "we'll see". While I don't actually blame him, what a cop out. He's left me in the lurch; now Mom is on the verge of a horrible mood or yelling session. She'll direct all her wrath at me, it'll be all my fault. I asked should I warm up the food. She shrugged her shoulders, back to napping in her chair. He's not coming back as it's after 7 p.m.
He also was to put out some Christmas decorations and move furniture. Now it's all on me to get it done. He's done that before. One year, I grabbed the outside decorations, thinking I'd shame him into helping. Nope. Sat on the sofa while I dragged everything outside. I'm sure he's all disgruntled as he lives locally, and runs her around town and does small errands. He never comes over to her house for a meal nor does he spend any time visiting her. He just comes and fetches her, go to the grocery, then maybe will stop for an early dinner (fast food type places). He also picks her up for church, which she says a lot of the time on the car rides he doesn't say one word to her. While I get frustrated, I do carry on a conversation with her, and spend at least 1 hour per day on the phone with her. He does the bare minimum at times, which I get, but then don't act like you're Peter Perfect and do so much.
All I keep thinking is today is Thursday, soon to be Friday. Get thru Friday and decorating, plus doing Mom's hair (sigh), then I can feign sickness on Saturday. Saturday will be rough as football rivalry game pits my alma mater against Brother's alma mater. Mom loves the school brother went to, and despises my school (of course). If I dare cheer for my school, I get the response of oh you never cheer for them, now you want to cheer, that school is so cocky, so rotten. So if I act sick, I don't have to be with the two as they go to church later in the day. If "their" school loses, impossible to be around, and if they win, almost as bad. It's just so silly. The thing is, I have a much better job than brother, while he has basically squandered his degrees (wish I could've gone back to get advanced degrees but he couldn't get a job in what his major was - as Mom said he HAD to go back to school). I worked low paying mediocre jobs and was told it's my own fault that I couldn't get a job. She encouraged me to move away, I think disappointed that I was working some lowly job. Now, she's all upset that I do live away. She's recently got into the mode of did I ever think of doing that as a career (last night it was tv/media reporter). Never really interested in what I took in school, except to tell me I could NOT take any music or drama classes, as I had to get a job, and she wasn't supporting me the rest of my life. Now, she's thinking that we're both failures as we don't have showy jobs, nothing she can brag about basically. I can't compete with a friend of hers who has sons who have second homes in Florida, take trips to Austrailia, Europe, cruises, etc. I am self sufficient and do not have to worry about money, but it's not enough.
Can Sunday be here already??
Thanks for all the warm welcomes!

Sisisu, why do you feel the need to have a relationship with your mother?

Sissiu, I've been thru similar dinners. I can tell you no matter what you do, how much you do, you can never please a narcissist. They are what they are and they never change. It's good that you don't live close to your mother and brother. I would maintain that distance. Do you ever travel? Perhaps your next trip could be over a holiday instead of spending at your Mom's. Narcissistic people will always use FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) to try to manipulate you to their wishes. Good luck with the decorating. I've done Christmas decorating for my perfectionist mother in the past. Not always a successful venture.

Gobble, Gobble!! I sure hope everyone had or is having a lovely blessed day.
I thought I would have a really hard time of it. First time away from my son in many many years. Chatting and seeing grands and daughter in law and my son was very uplifting. The middle grand can talllllkkkkkk. I was flattered. Kinda of reminded me of my self, my father used to say he know my mouth be glad when I go to sleep. the oldest is still a tad aloof and the baby girl, the baby girl is growing so lovely.
Also touched base with family in other states. the love was uplifting. I have a few to reach out to whom I have lost touch with.
Anyways I always end up seeing I have so much to be thankful for by the end of thanksgiving day. I was a tad sad that nothing goes on with this family. Been a while, I am still mourning that because it meant so much to me. I will most likely have a dinner and invite my mothers buddies over next week. The auntie she who helps out and a gentleman next door, who has always done work around the house, and outside for the blocks, he still comes by to check on her. I want to show my appreciation also.

God Bless You All. Rays of love, peace and happiness to all.

I just posted a private msg that bought tears to my eyes.
I just want to say that it is so moving the way the wisdom and help getts through to us. I have learned so much from certain people, certain posts. I cant ever forget how this site has helped me and that is the truth. One more thing for me to be thankful for. And to all the new commers, hang in there someone or more will really trully touch that part in you that will open up better understanding and perspective. Hang in there, there is help to be found somewhere in this site. There are some awesome, wise people out there with expertise or just natural grace who's words will put a spark in your heart. Give you hope, lead you in a better direction, Change your perspective, or just giveplain old hard truth and love.

Has everyone recovered from over indulging from eating? I hope the holiday went well for those who got together with family.

We got our tree up ( yes, early for us). We want to see how Buster will behave before we decorate it. Poor Rusty, when he saw the tree, he took off the other direction barking, lol!

Not a tree already, Sharyn! I am sure the grands will love it though. Hopefully Buster won't use it for what he usually uses trees for.

Back at my son's home. Finished with Disneyland. We had a very nice time. It was nice to spend time with my son and kids. It's something I have had very few chances to do - mostly because of my Mom and her neverending need to be the center of attention.

 Monday and back to work will come all too soon. PJ has a new group starting at a local center. It's for adults who have grown up in dysfunctional families and how to break the cycle. How to look at their own behavior and how it has been shaped by dysfunction. What they can do to not react negatively when they encounter or interact with dysfunctional family members. Should be interesting. 

I hope everyone has had a nice holiday. Tomorrow's my birthday. I'm having a surprise party. My 4-yr-old grandson told me all about the party. When he finished he said "oh no, I told you the surprise".

Hope everyone had a good day yesterday.

stacey - glad your health has not been too affected, but I would say that you need to take care of yourself now. Your renos sound great! Hope the family get togethers were good.

upset - still holidaying??? Glad it is going so well.

sharyn - a tree!!! Wow, the boys will be impressed - the dogs too it seems. lol

glad - will you put up a tree for Ming to play in?

duck - hope you have some good meals with friends

east - hope you had a good time with your daughter

to all the new people - sometimes tough times means we have to get tough in setting limits so other people don't walk all over us, and we get resentful. BTDT, got the t shirt, don't wear it any more.

Got the new lens for my glasses and I don't think he corrected for the astigmatism. The girl I saw a couple of weeks ago mumbled something about it and I should have questioned her. The girl today asked if I wanted to see the other optometrist, so I have an appointment for next week with her. Bummer, as if she can get me a better prescription, it will not be ready before I have to go south and relying on this lens is a stretch. I can barely read with my right eye. In fact, I see better with the left eye that still needs surgery. it took a good week for my eye to recover from the surgery last time so I will be struggling to read that week. Thank goodness you can magnify print on the computer. Oh well. As long as I don't drive it isn't life threatening. lol

Since I was in the mall and saw some cute onesies I thought I would do some Christmas shopping for dgd, but none in her colours and size. I tried! They look like a great idea for a cold night.

At the suggestion of the CFIA (Canada Food Inspection Agency) gal, I did a little experiment to see if the foreign material in the soda could have been a capsule I take. Not a chance. The capsules I put in the soda are still floating 24hrs later and in their roughly original shape. The stuff I found was two pieces of whatever at the bottom of the bottle about 15 hrs after the bottle was opened. Not the same at all. It would have been a comforting solution.

Take care all. Be good to you.