The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Golden, That's terrible about the lens. Mom went thru the same thing after her cataract surgery. I am still on vacation. We fly back Sunday afternoon. It's been a good trip. There is a house on my son's street that is for sale. My youngest grandson thinks I should buy it. I don't think so.

upset - sounds like you had a wonderful time So cute about your grandson. Early Happy Birthday in case I forget tomorrow. The lens is a PITA. She did say if there has been an error I will not have to pay for a new lens, but that does not take away from the inconvenience. Good for PJ for tackling that new group. I am sure it will be very valuable for the participants. You are not buying the house down the street??? lol So glad you had a good time with them. I know how the dysfunction can spoil holidays and visits. Oh the stories.... Once when we all were visiting my parents, and mother started in at me after the kids had been put to bed, I told hub we were leaving , woke the kids up and said "Surprise -we are going to a hotel." They thought it was fun. We packed up and left in a cab in record time, refusing even the offer of a car ride to the hotel by mother. Wasn't the last time plans changed suddenly.

Golden, putting up a tree for Ming? Not a chance she would be all over it. And I would be the one ready to climb it. She is truly a kitten and to think the first five days all she did was lay on my lap and purr. That poor sick little thing is just a memory. It would be nice if she would settle down a bit. I have not had a kitten in thirty years now.

Upset, funny the surprise was spoiled. Those youngsters feel so knowledgeable to know a secret and share. Ahhh, the honesty of youth. Have a happy birthday party tomorrow.

Stacey, so exciting so much new! Take it easy on yourself putting it all back.

Stacey, take care of your health, slow down now that your caregiving days are behind you.

Glad, Siamese cats are a bit more energetic than the tabby. My Siamese played fetch with a little toy mouse. I have never had a cat climb a tree, but they do love to sleep under them. So far buster is behaving around the tree, mostly ignoring it and Rusty too.

Upset, enjoy the rest of your vacation with family. I got homesick yesterday after facing timing with my dd in California. Seeing the forest around her, oh my Sierra Nevadas! Now I feel like John Muir, lol!,

upset - Happy Birthday!!!! Hope family spoils you.

glad - Ming will settle down but it will take a while. Dd has several cats that liked Christmas trees. One would climb into it and poke her head out periodically  - looked very cute, but knocked ornaments off. Another one stayed underneath but ate the light bulbs. When dd told me that I didn't believe it, until I visited and heard a "crunch" from under the tree. He took the bulb in his mouth and bit down on it till it broke. Thankfully he didn't swallow any of it. Very strange cat! Of course there were the tales of cats eating tinsel in the days we used that.

sharyn - you are going to miss your old home state for a while, I am sure. I need to be near trees. Good that the puppies are behaving.

stacey  - I am still concerned about you too.

ali  - how are you?

I find it strange being concerned about mother fending for herself. Apart from her problems, she has been a very good advocate for herself all these years. She fussed about things that some people would not fuss about, but that was her and I tried to stay out if it. I guess part of it is accepting the decline. One's role as a caretaker changes.  Her first case meeting is scheduled a couple of days before my eye surgery so that works well.

I have released myself from getting the house ready for sale for next year. At my age ,it is just too much on top of all I have been through the past 18 months. I will slowly continue to get rid of things I don't need, but without a deadline. I am taking some time out. We are still thinking of a condo if we can swing it. It would be nice to spend more time together, as well as being closer to mother. Funny, as much as I dread winters here, I was dreading the pressure of getting the house ready for sale more.

Here's to the little mysteries of life  - mother's hearing aide batteries went somewhere, but no one knows where. I ordered new ones. These better not get lost!!!

Hope all those turkey tummies are recovering.

Glad, We always had a Siamese growing up. We also had Christmas trees turned over, trees stripped of all bulbs, etc. if we had a real tree, we had one cat that ate pine needles and drank the water out of the stand. But I liked the cats anyway.

[Edited to add:  this is long and I'm sorry about that.  If this belongs in a different thread, please tell me, I won't be offended!]

I have been wanting to come in this thread since I joined the forum, but I've been putting it off....mostly because....oh my god, explaining family is such a LOOOOOONG story, isn't it? Most times I look at the thread, want to say something, and then decide I don't have the energy to talk about my dumb family.

Except it's kind of in my face this week. My mom is being an a******. A total a******. And her behaviour towards me is making me re-think everything I thought I knew about my family.

My mom is 79 and has end stage renal disease, depression, and some dementia. She is an alcoholic. She's been sober since I was 17 (I'll be 49 next month). But a recovering alcoholic is still an alcoholic, and she would've said so first. She thinks she drank all those years because of depression. She also took tranquillizers for a period of time, and once tried to kill herself by overdosing.

The thing about her personality right now is it's a lot like her alcoholic personality. It's only partly dementia. It's also partly from being so sick - there is a lot of stuff she is aware of, and remembers.

Her alcoholic personality is combative, contemptuous, and dismissive towards me. She's kind of like a 4-year old in the tired, cranky, whiny, lashing out phase. She's childish. And mean. She's MEAN, god help me. And the thing about a 4-year old is you can physically pick them up and put them in a time out. But my mom is fully aware that she's an adult, and that she's my mother. She even tries to pull the "authority card" on me sometimes, but she sounds like an angry 4-year old when she does it, if that makes sense.

The only real difference between when she was drinking and now, is that sometimes, she is not fully aware that *I'M* an adult now.

I don't think she's a narcissist - maybe a little, but in the self-absorbed, self-pitying sense that can come with depression and anxiety. I guess the thing is, I am realizing....I don't think I really know her.

Mom got sober when I was 17, but I was 15 when I went to live with my dad and stepmom. (Because I couldn't take my mom anymore.) I went back and forth between parents for about a year after high school, figuring out my life. I lived in a whole different part of the country from everyone for 5 years, but eventually landed back in the same town as my dad and stepmom. I built my life nearby them. Both dad and stepmom are gone now.

About 2.5 years ago, I convinced my mom to move here, so that I wouldn't have to give up my life here to care for her. It was a hard sell - she had a hard time seeing that my life here mattered enough to make the move.

It's funny, I was really happy until she moved here. I really don't know what happened to me since then. It changed a lot about living here for me.

Then last winter she started getting more sick and confused and depressed. She was falling all the time, not managing home dialysis, not paying the bills, not taking her meds properly, not eating properly, etc. She was sleeping almost all the time. She was not managing her life anymore. She was lying to me and medical staff about how bad it was. I had to intervene and get her better medical help. I had to force her to accept home support. And by June, I was staying here in her apartment. I've sort of sublet my apartment in the meantime (because it's the only "safe" home I've ever known, and I've been there so long it's cheap, so I'm not giving it up).

In the beginning - I was trying to save her life, you know? I stepped in and started managing her life for her, got her on a different kind of dialysis, under the care of nurses. After a hard summer where I gave up a lot to care for her (thinking she was dying), she is finally starting to do a little better. She is more aware, not as sick, and rarely has a fall.

But she still can't live on her own. She's a cigarette-smoking fire hazzard. She doesn't eat well at all. She can't even work the microwave half the time. She doesn't know if the bills are paid or not. She doesn't know what day it is, sometimes she doesn't know whether it's day or night, even if she looks out the window. She takes the wrong meds if I don't monitor them, even though they are in a blister pack. She is confused, sometimes dazed, and she is bleeping NASTY sometimes.

It's the nastiness that's getting to me. I think I could handle all of it if she weren't so bleeping nasty. Contemptuous. Combative. Dismissive of my concerns, even the health and safety ones. She just does everything she can think of to try to provoke me into doing something....I don't know what. Maybe she expects me to turn violent? And I won't, I don't, that's not who I am. But she pokes hard and pokes mean.

My parents split up because they were both alcoholics who got violent with each other. They fought often. Up until now, I saw this through a different lens. I thought dad was the abuser and mom was the victim. But they were violent with each other, and now I finally have to admit it. My mother was just as likely to pull a knife from a drawer and threaten my father with it. She started it at least as often as he did. Possibly more often.

It's not that I would ever justify my father's violence But I have been justifying my mother's violence for years. I'm actually even starting to have a little empathy for my father. Because my mother provokes, she pushes, she prods - she actually slapped my hand the other day, when I was trying to give her diarrhea medication. And I thought, "Is this the start of the violence?" Because I can't be pushed into participating in it. And I'm not sticking around to take it.

Dad met my stepmom when I was 12. He was never violent to her. My stepmom was a better mom to me. That's the truth. She was tough, but loving. Dad tried treatment a bunch of times and finally got totally sober when I was 19. I guess I chose them, in a way, when I chose to settle here. I got some counseling and learned some things and settled down to have a career and a happy life.

Maybe as much as I don't know who my mother really is, she doesn't know who I really am. It's not that I don't love her. We've had a good relationship for 30 years now. From a distance. All I know is I was happy here, until she came.

This is soooooo long. And I'm so sorry. I have been trying to process this s*** for a few days now. Maybe a few weeks. Maybe the whole time she's been here. I don't know. This week, I'm questioning everything about my family, everything I thought I knew about my mother. Maybe if I can get it out here, then I won't be as likely to react to my mother and make it worse. I need to detach from her and figure out my s***.

So, I have something I'd like to run by you guys. I don't know if any of you recall me discussing my narc sis who has treated me like her peon all my life. Examples: too numerous to mention. But trust me when I say she is a narc.

So, January the clan got together to divvy up the spoils, ie. my Mom's estate. Narc sis was the executor of the will so she was in her element, lording it over us all. I basically reached my limit at that point. A couple of mths. later I sent her an e-mail stating as such. Probably only the second time in my 56 years on earth that I ever stood up to her. We ended it on an okay note I guess.

Fast forward to today. My Hubs and I have recently moved to a new place. I received an e-mail from her the other day saying she had a housewarming present and could we get together this coming Monday. I hesitated but then agreed. Now, she has already rescheduled. My first thought was here we go again. Let's string little sis along and cancel and reschedule and see if little sis will capitulate to my will AGAIN.

A good friend told me that if I want people to see my place I am the one who should be doing the inviting and setting the time etc. and to beware of narcs bearing gifts. I agree with her but am interested in what you all think.

(((((dorianne))))))) no need to apologize for long posts. many of us do them. After reading through what you have written, there is no doubt that you have been through a very rough time and been abused by your mother. I am very glad your dad got sober and you had a good step mum. I am sure that has made a huge difference in your life. Doing hands on care for a parent who has abused you is extremely challenging and not in your best interests. A psychologist, Pauline Boss, recommends against it, and suggests , if anything, care giving at arm's length.The memories of the abuse can be triggered so easily. Some addicts do recover to the point of having more normal personalities and some are just dry drunks. I have known both. I also know the feeling of having my eyes opened to abuse I have lived with. I think that denial is a protective mechanism when you are in the middle of it. You say you don't think your mum is a narc. Not all alcoholics nor Alz patients are. I do think she is, if your life mattered little to her when she was resisting a move. Your mum has many problems Alz broken brain, alcoholic personality, probably narcissism, and health issues as well as being abusive to you in the past. You are finding it hard to cope with this, which is hardly surprising. I am glad you recognize that you were trying to "save her" and hope you have given up on that.

Where to go from here?

Your mum is not going to get better and her needs will become greater and her behaviour probably worse. Are you prepared/ able to cope with that?

I do think you need some time/space to reorient yourself in terms of your "awakening" to who your mum is. You probably are facing her realities much more than you were. I agree she probably does not know you and likely never will. That has been one of my themes -my narc mother and sis do not know me They have constructed a person which suits them.

I think you aso need to consider whether or not you can continue caring for your mum in the manner you have been, as it is seriously negatively affecting your life. Your life matters too - not just your mum's care.

Can you arrange some respite or counselling for yourself to work on detaching and re assessing your situation?

I love the quote by Paulo Coelho - “When you say 'yes' to others, make sure you're not saying 'no' to yourself.”

The secret when helping others is to do no harm to yourself.

Come and vent anytime. We understand. (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

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Gershun, I kind of agree with your friend. Stringing along is kind of narc. I would be asking myself what she really wants. You have to protect yourself first.

gershun - I remember about your sister as I have a narc sis too. I don't think they change, so any interaction can revert back to the old games. My view is if you are feeling red flags go up due to the rescheduling, it probably is for a good reason. I would tend to be proactive and suggest a couple of dates which suit you and let her choose one. If that doesn't work, maybe try one more date then suggest she wait until you plan a gathering. I know you have been ill with mono so you have every reason to be in charge of your own time. Good luck.

Dorianne, I'm sorry your going thru all of this. Golden has touched on most everything. I would also add that kidney disease and to an even greater extent dialysis are both mentally rough. I know that I reach points where I resent the diet, the fluid restrictions and everything else. I get depressed. I'm 68 and it's hard for me to accept the thought of dialysis. Before I got married I would go thru periods where I didn't take my meds correctly. With your mom a recovering alcoholic it's just that much harder. With all of the difficulties your going thru, counseling would be helpful. Another possible aid for you would be Adult Children of Alcoholics. They have meetings in many communities and some online aids. They also have excellent reading resource lists. I have a good friend who has attended for years especially when she took care of her parents both with Alzheimer's. The meetings are usually free and they are completely confidential.

I've had those holiday trips where I left the house I was supposed to stay in, that's happened to me, too. I can't imagine doing it with small children, but you handled it well to call it a "Surprise Trip to Hotel," Golden.

The bullies/meanies in my family are so nice when they invite you to stay, but then we get into it about who knows what... I'm sure they're unkind, because that's common for my cousin and older bro, and I'm sure I blew my top about it because that's common for me. I'm sick to death of family bullies and it was one thing when they were the older children growing up, but if they do it as an adult, I don't stand for it.  So I've left from cousin's and bro's and vowed to never stay there again. I won't stay at cousin's but bro is so preoccupied now, and more space in the house, so I stay out of the way with the kiddos and enjoy their company, hardly interact with bro. Several times in the past while staying with older bro he is horrible to me, going so far as to physically abuse me. They've both, cousin and bro, mellowed with age, and I'm sure I have, too, insomuch that I don't react with the same level of intolerance to whatever shite thing they say to me. Now, I feel more comfortable in my own skin, and they can say whatever they want to, it doesn't bother me nearly as bad as it used to. But... they do both still say very unkind and demeaning things. They think it's hilarious to act like that. -_- THEY THINK IT'S HILARIOUS TO BULLY ME. I just thought about that. It's literally sport for them at holidays. :-( They're so cruel, both of them. I can't relate to that. I'm not the kindest person, I get angry about things in my family, but I don't seek to pick on someone, ESPECIALLY about something that is a trauma to them. E.g., my bro loves to joke that I "lost my mind" during the mold illness, when I couldn't talk very well and had no idea what was going on with me, and was going to doctors trying to sort it out. He makes jokes about how funny it was that I was in bed and couldn't get up. He would never be sick like that, of course not, so it's hilarious to him to make fun of me.

Ok, now I'm just mad at my brother for being a big jerk lol. I'm going to eat my food and try to sleep. It's 2:45am here. I'm so busy lately, trying to get everything tended to. :-)

My SIL is much more even tempered and naturally kind than my bro. She's had a great influence on him, I can tell from watching their marriage over 20 years, watching how he's changed for the better instead of just becoming more of the snarky bully he truly enjoys being. What a gift a good partner is. He lucked out, he really did. :-D

@golden23 and Upsetsister49 - I had a whole reply almost ready to post, and my laptop crashed! It's 1:30 AM now, so I will write more tomorrow. But for now, I want to say thank you for your support and thoughtful words. :-)

Dorianne, it sounds like your mom already had the dementia before she moved to your location. This is really going to become harder for you. My dad was very abusive to my brothers. According to my oldest brother, he did some terrible things to mom. I have completely no memory of those done to mom. I just remember how he would purposely get mom so very angry (like ABB's brother and cousin did to her), that she would pick up the huge knife and chase him... with him laughing and running to the bathroom. The whole time - just laughing and laughing.

As I was reading yours and then ABB's stories, I realized that when my brothers left home and bedridden mom was no longer fun to pick on, he turned to me as his new punching bag on my head/face. I saw his eyes, how he loved it - that I would jump in fear every time his hands made sudden movements. He always aimed for my head - no bruises to show. The violence from dad escalated. He started aiming for my face. One day, he tried to choke me.

I hope that your mom's slapping your hand is just that. Nothing like her trying to go back to the time her and your father had their 'normal' violent relationship. I hope she's not going to try to have you replace your father's role. I would also start documenting events. My dad would tell lies to everyone about what a bad daughter I was. You need to document things going on - in case your mom decides to be vindictive to you (or get back at you.) Just write things down as a journal. No need for lengthy details.

Dorianne, Bookluvr discussed documenting. I used to leave my IPhone on sofa with thememo feature on. I would tape conversations between my Mom and brother, or when either one of them was on a rant against me. Then I would play them back when they insisted they had never said anything to me.

UpsetSister,
That sounds like a fine way to expose their lies.
Did playing it back to them end your ability to record them further?

If a person can no longer fight off the intrusions of a narc family member, where does one go for help to protect one's finances?

If LO is still alive you can go to APS. I was fortunate - I knew the president of Mom's bank and my younger brother was best friends with her broker. They both talked to my badbro about his mishandling of money. I got DPOA and POA. In the end Mom did most of damage herself by giving my brother and his family money. But they did a bunch of other stuff on their own. You can also contact the clerk of courts and report the abuses.

I played back the recordings numerous times to prove things they said. I played the memos for family members to prove what mom and brother did when they said mom and my brother wouldn't do those things. I also kept a daily of exactly what spent and thevreceipts. I also wrote down everything I did for Mom including mileage. 

I also had a nanny cam in my bedroom to prove that my niece went in while I wasn't at home. I took that to the sheriff's dept. At least then Mom had the locks changed. I also had a nanny cam hidden in a flower arrangement at the front door to show my brother and his family coming in when Mom and I went out. 

They never said a word about the recordings. My brother was too lazy to bother and Mom was too self absorbed and shortsighted to ask me not to.

ali - sometimes I think they invite you in order to get a chance to bully you. This is one reason I have reduced contact, stopped staying with mother and sis and stopped having them stay at my house. Just don't need it. I decided that even though I had to put up with mother when I was young, there was no way my children had to. It was amazing how fast she calmed down that time when I said we were leaving. It shows they can if they want to. I was the whipping boy - the person she vented her anger and frustration on. It is enabling them to allow that to continue if you can stop it. They count on you blowing your top, because then they can say how unstable you are and blame it all on you. Your bro is a big jerk. Cut him off any way you can - walk away or hang up when he starts. My sis used to call me then have a go at me. They love it if you get defensive. One time she said, "I know I shouldn't say this, but..." and I cut her off saying, "Well, don't then". She didn't call me after that for about 12 years. It was lovely. The next time she got abusive, I stopped answering the phone. That was about 3 years ago and she hasn't called since. It is no fun for them if you don't play their game.

dorianne - You are very welcome. How frustrating!!! I have lost long posts too. I understand.

book - I don't know how you endured it for all those years. You are a very strong person. Wise words to dorianne.

upset - I am still amazed at your documenting skills. Good for you! Mother and sis deny things too.

send -"one's" finances? Hopefully not yours.

Well, another lost day here. I woke up to visit the washroom in the middle of the night, looked out the window and saw the most amazing sight. There were "pillars of light" in a greeny gold colour rising from ground level up to the skies. I have read about them but never seen them. Apparently they are rare and belong in the sun dog family of effects. Of course, I had to get a camera and it took a while to find the setting to get the best pic, during which time they had changed to pink and blue and were less startling, but nonetheless very interesting. By then, I was chilled to the bone from being outside, and further sleep was out of the question, so I wrapped myself in woolies and drank hot coffee. I have napped off and on all morning, and hope I wake up enough to at least put a load of laundry through. But it was worth it!

@Upsetsister49 - I do appreciate what you're saying about kidney disease being hard on you. And I've never been to ACOA, but I used to go to Al-Anon, when I was in my 20s. I have been thinking about going back, but I have been unsure if it's the right place for me, given this is a dementia/illness/old age issue. I've actually been waffling back and forth between that and joining the group through the Alzheimer's Society, but then with AS, I wonder if whether I'd fit there, either. So I've just been waffling and trying to figure out where I fit at all, really. :-/

@golden23 - I probably shouldn't have written that Mom had a hard time seeing that my life here mattered....what I mean is I had to push and push her to understand that I would have to give up my life here to provide more care when she started to need it, if she didn't move.

I'm still not sure she is a narcissist though, from the reading I've done. I'm sure her FATHER was one. Maybe she is borderline something. The woman I knew in between the drinking years and now was actually very thoughtful and sensitive. Although the truth is, I never spent more than a week with her at a time, so how would I know? She doesn't have any close friends, and calls herself a loner. Maybe she's just been hiding it. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore!

@bookluvr - Yes, I think the dementia had started before she moved here. She was very confused around the move itself, where she used to be an uber-organized person. And you do bring up something I worry about - my mom trying to replicate the relationship she had with my father. Because I actually look quite a lot like my father, especially as I get older. If I didn't have long hair and boobs....

And I really appreciate everyone's advice on documenting and maybe recording what's going on. I still have a flip phone, but I have been wanting to make the leap to a smart phone for awhile now. This might be the right time to do it.

It's funny, because I never think of the way I grew up as abusive. Mom never hit me or called me names. I would have said she was manipulative and neglectful, but not abusive. But I don't know anymore. I don't know anything anymore. Everything I thought I knew is up in the air for re-examination.

Anyway, I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and suggestions. I am not sure what I am going to do. Definitely I need some respite soon....

Golden, looking back (which is never good because what’s done is done), I wished I could have found the caregiver support group early on. Here on island. I know that when I found this website, people were so critical of me for staying on. Due to our drastic cultural differences, they couldn’t understand why. They were very harsh to me. I remembered crying a lot, and feeling so hurt. Finding a support group on island, I would have had fellow caregivers of my cultural beliefs and less judgmental comments. Maybe not, too, because I would have been too ashamed to admit publicly that I was being abused. I don’t think I told my social worker, either. Terrible cycle, isn’t it? ... Sometimes I did feel the odd person out of our support group. Or like me, maybe they were not voicing their true home situation. That’s why I liked this site. I learned that there were others going through terrible experiences with no sugarcoating.

Bookluvr, Sometimes other people don't pick up on what is happening to someone else. And sometimes if they do, they're very critical.  For 10 years while I was going to three different graduate schools working on my three degrees in clinical psychology I was surrounded by psychologists and psychiatrists both in class and in my clinical practices. At the same time I was in a physically abusive marriage and I kept it hid for a long time. I talked to no one. Then I moved back to Ohio to care for my Mom the queen of narcs. She and my brother almost drove me over the edge. When I came on this site it gave me the impetus to pack up and leave. I didn't get rid of them completely but at least it wasn't in my face day in and day out.

Dys families cultivate an atmosphere all their own. A narc always wants it their way, they want to suck the air out of your space. One has to find the support they need to move on. I find peace with the supportive people on this site. Most have found their footing or they are trying to learn from the situations of others. It's a good place. 

Bookluvr, Your exactly right about "what's done is done". That's an important thing to always remember; it makes it easier to move on to a new day and to move forward with your life.

Upset, you are so right about a narc wants their own way. My relationship with my sister was under her control. Where we went for dinner, etc. I always knew she was selfish, but I had hoped she was not like our mom. I learned the hard way she is a carbon copy. People in her life have to be perfect, if not, she will pick you apart. She, herself is far from perfect. On to better thoughts now!

Sharyn, Know exactly what you're talking about. The narc is always perfect and in their eyes you will always come up short.

@bookluvr & Upsetsister49 - I am only a noob, but I agree that this site has been the thing I've been missing in all this. With people talking about what they're really experiencing....for me right now, it's like when you've had a painfully knotted muscle, and suddenly the muscle springs loose....it's painful but in a different way, and it's also a relief.  All the books and articles only ever say:  just humour dementia people/old people/sick people, just be kind, find your compassion.  And then I almost bash my head, like, what's wrong with me that I find that so HARD?

I dunno if that makes sense.

How do you know the difference between narcissism and dementia? Is it that narcissism shows itself before dementia? Dementia already seems quite narcissistic, in the way that a teenager or a 3-year old is narcissistic. I don't know how to spot the difference.

Well, I've gone back and forth with my narc sis about getting together and whenever I suggest the time or place it doesn't work so I told her maybe just forget it. If it's only about giving me a housewarming gift I don't know why it has to be so difficult and always on her terms but as others on here have stated, I guess that's quintessential narc behavior. On their terms.

I feel bad inside lying about not being able to see her but it's become about self-preservation for me. I don't want to feel that dank, empty feeling I usually feel after I've been with her. It's sad that it has come to this cause I have always wanted to be her friend but she makes that next to impossible. So be it.

Gershun,
You are right to try and protect your own peace from a narc sister.
Still, kinda leaves you unsettled doesn't it? Whatever did she really want anyway?