The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Going back to sleep after listening to Pentatonix song...."Mary did you know?"

so realizing we are dysfunctional- how do make decisions? do we hire a mediator? or elder care attorney to delegate irrevocable trust? is there a way to set it up with minimal contact with major decisions decided ahead of time?

I think, in order to give you useful advice, some more information is needed, ML. Welcome! We care!

Send, I love that Pentatonix song. One of my favorites.

Book, Being the peacemaker and voice of reason is tough role to play. I'm sure it saddens, and possibly angers you to see the past repeating.

I'm sticking with Saggitarius. I don't know what my new name is.

We're going over to the this evening to see the super moon. Always a beautiful view.

Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone! And happy birthday to my fellow Sagittarians and December babies!

My best guy friend took me out for dinner last night. Mongolian grill - if you've never had it, that's where all the raw ingredients are laid out buffet style for you to choose, and they get cooked up like a stir fry on a giant grill while you wait. All you can eat, also. My eyes were bigger than my stomach! I was pretty hurty afterwards, and really glad I wore leggings instead of my new b-day jeans. (Waistbands....ugh!)

Otherwise it was pretty uneventful.

I'm not really a believer in astrology, although as someone who is into archery I kind of like the symbol of Sagittarius! The thing with Ophiuchus becoming a sign has been debunked on Snopes. Also the zodiac constellations (there are actually over 20, not 12 or 13) have been constantly changing since their discovery in Ancient Greece, due to the wobble of the earth, so who even knows what we're all supposed to be!

Ok, I'm done nerding for the morning, lol.

Thank you Dorianne, and SharynMarie for debunking that! I forgot about Snopes.
One of my pet peeves around home is m i s i n f o r m a t i o n !  I do apologize for the misinformation.  Sorry.
I saw that symbol, (archer bow) very nice!  Never noticed it before because I too am not a believer in astrology, but discuss it with my friends and sis who are interested.  But then, it really irks them when we get to the question:  "What sign is yours?" and I answer....I was born under the sign of the cross.
Because there is so much misinformation coming from dH. And because I want so much to believe him.  Then, he is under a lot of stress right now.  Yesterday he could not get the proper change back from a twenty. He brought it to me to figure out, and I was confused too! That is because the one guy gave him too much change, because the guy was confused, overworked, and working past retirement. It happened a second time getting change for a twenty at the barber. He only left a dollar tip because he was not able to ask for change from a $5 dollar bill. (or maybe he wanted the whole $5.) ?? This is risky, because when he returns there for a haircut, well, you know.....lol.  This seems like petty issues, and very small amounts, but multiply that, and it's not.

Sharyn, he works in retail, and fortunately in this job, does not make change.  He can make change though, and does well, for a time.  That is why keeping his stress low helps him, and those around him.  

.

Send, you don’t have to apologize for it. It is something NASA announced last year and is silly really. I’m sure it gets stressful with your hubby at times. Making change can be confusing under the circumstances. Most of us take it for granted because the register tells us how much to give back, actually sometimes I enter the wrong amount of cash a customer gives me, then I I have to figure it in my head quickly and if stressed, a mistake can happen. Retail is stressful work.

Enjoy your day, we have rain today.

Thanks Sharyn.
That reminds me, someone left some furniture outside on Thanksgiving.
If it rains.....
Guess I will be hiring help......oh no!

And life happens......
The heat pump is arching? So hubs turned it off on his way to church this morning.
Guess I will be hiring help.....oh no!

book - the family fight must have been horrible. I am glad you were prepared to call the police.

upset - sounds like that sharing the locker room with guys worked out very well

sharyn - must be tough when you work there if customers mess up the restrooms. That is a very long day with 2 active lads. Thx re the job for R. Happy Birthday when it comes

and

dori - belated Happy Birthday, Glad you had a good meal out! Archery - wow!!!

glad - happy new car day!!! Good for you sending ts2 a card.

send - love that song "Mary did you know?"

Mldavis - I think things can be set up to decrease contact - maintain distance. You could consult your local Agency for Aging. They may have ideas. Other than that, as you suggest, either a mediator or an elder attorney would be a good idea in my view. In my situation, I am POA and executor. I very much do not want to directly deal with the job of the executor as my sister always looks for ways to attack me and is very concerned about money. Mother's lawyer, who drew up the documents and mothers will, knows about the family issues and has said she will help with the executor duties. As POA, I have had issues with my sister and mother and just toughed it out insisting on doing what I knew was best for mother. As POA, I deal with family at arm's length as much as possible. Good luck and let us know what you end up doing.

Thx for good wishes re the cataract surgery. Weather is holding around freezing in E'ton which is good for R who is finishing what he needs to on the roof for the winter. It is a bit colder at home, but not bad. Dd goes this week to the surgeon to have another look at what she calls the mystery lump. They thought it was an inguinal hernia, but when they did surgery the first time they did not find one or anything out of place. They say it is not the other kind of hernia. But she has a painless bulge in that area which comes and goes and she wants it dealt with, especially since she weight lifts. Then there is my mystery ovary issue. The ultrasound showed everything normal, but I am still getting pain sometimes. So, I decided to track it on the calendar, and the last two months it has happened 28 days and 29 days apart. The discomfort will build up for a while, then become painful then it goes away, till it comes back again. At my age - go figure. I will track a few more months to be sure there is a steady pattern. Can you imagine the dr's face when I tell him? My aunt was told her ovaries were still working when she was in her 70s. Then having fun trying to figure out the balance between the calcium I am taking for my bones, and how much magnesium to take which balances out the constipating effect of the Ca++. Too much Mg++ you get the big D. Not enough you get the big C!!! Sigh! Life is all about balance.

Anyone know about Madge?

Hi all I have been off line for quite a while. Will I ever catch up?!! I am feeling exhausted. I made it through the Thanksgiving event without getting deeply depressed. But I must say its been very depressing. I am watching my mother deteriorate, I spoon feed her but she just doesnt seem to want to eat. Some day are okay. But I see it in her face now. Im scared for her and dreading all the drama and pain to come.

Its been continuous. This my last few days off were spent on long train rides to the doctor and my job for an inservice for which the guy was over and hour late and no heat in the building.

My mother said she wanted her own collard greens and I said okay and while I supervise her I would fry some catfish which is our favorite. So thurs day after a whole day waiting to get flu shot and refills with the wtc program also setting up appointment for everything under the sun. Anyways I take another long ride to the only place Iknow that sells the catfish nuggets (they are delicious) and I got the greens and some other stuff. Well friday I go to start the routine and low and behold the gas is off on the stove. I call handy man and he says my sister had him do it because my mohter had the house filled with gas all the way to top floor. Its scary but you would think she would at least tell me what had happened and that the gas was off. One day I came in and it smelled like burnt toast, I never smelled any gass. But I lost my good sense of smell working with homeless people in the emergency room. It got real serious at times I dont carehow many masks you use. then you cant let them go like that. Anyways I am sure my sister is vey happy as she alwaysa seemed offended when she saw me cooking and often in agruments would say my mother dont want my food anyway. I have to cook its not only a joy but a habit. My mother needs home made food. She getsthe meals on wheels. jBut its when I cook a favorite that I see her eat good,

So I went and bought an electrical pan that was supposed to bake and fry and rosast and all that good stuff. It was too big but I fried my fish and it was good. I acually boough enough to fill it and had some leftover becuase I got extra since I hardly get to that store.

Does anyone have a recommendation for a good convection oven. I mostly bake my food slowly.

Hey, I am sorry I have to catch up. so I hope no one is offended that I am just experessing my stuff. Golden I am wishing you the best with the eye surgery and getting that balance of calcium and magnesium right. Hope your mom is fine and you are all settled in good.

I know this is a busy season. With the holidays and all. I miss the hustle and bustle and then I dont. The is a hole in my heart where all that love used make me want to have the prettist tree in the world. And the pretiest lights. and make everyone happy. I dont have any family here even though we are all right in the same house. Its so sad. I am meaning my immediate family. My son is a way I am missing him although we talk.

I also got good news about professional therapy. They are starting this new program with a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist once monthly. I have been referred waiting for acceptance. Gosh I hope I get in. Its so good, acutally great to get constructive objective feedback . I cant wait!!!!!
So I hope you all are enjoying putting up trees and wrapping presents and decorating and planning for diners if that what you do and if not I hope you are treating yourself lovely and putting your self first and not feeling guilty because someone near is not happy.
I am feeling drained and have lot of stuff to do. not to mention one leg dont work sometimes lol. At least the knees are chilling out.

I went and bought somemake up also. One of the girls where I buy my wigs is always lovely. So I finally went on and asked her to show me how to do the do. I like the foundation. Bought a new wig also. My regular one is out. I dont like this one it looks just like a wig. But I have to make do. (smile)

It felt good doing something for my self something to feel and look nice.
and I stay it prayer. I dont know what I would do without it. It works and God's Grace and Work is awesome. I see it in my life, I see it with my turmoils. I see it working. Sometimes its sad. I truly want to blame myself for something someone set themselves up for. But I know its not my fault just the karma coming around. Which is why I try my best to do and treat people, every one the way I would want to be treated.
And I am babbling.

I just wish you all the best, and lots of love and sunshine in your hearts.

Super moon is awesome! Very bright out, I can see the blue sky, shadows of the pergola on the patio concert. The moon is straight up over our house right now. I didn’t have to turn on the patio light taking midget out for a potty run before bed!

We drove over to Lamoine last night, on the bay, to see the super moon. It was beautiful out over the water.

I had an early morning group workshop - "Caregiver Coping Strategies For The Holidays". We had two guest speakers - one a nutritionist; the other was a Family Dynamics specialist. But One of the caregivers said she had her own strategy "lock the door".

I'm home until 2:00. I'm making two dozen pie crusts to freeze. PJ's four teenage granddaughter came over yesterday afternoon and we made three double batches of cookies. Trying a freezing strategy. A GF told me about. Scoop out dough balls, put on cookie sheets and freeze for hour. Then put the dough balls in plastic bags to freeze until needed.  You can then take out what you need and bake. Of course the boys wanted to eat cookie dough. 

Everyone have a great day! We're supposed to have snow starting tonight and everyday thru next Sunday.

Thanks for the bday wishes. It is the middle of this month. Just hanging out before work this morning. We decorated the tree yesterday. No snow yet here, not in hurry for it to snow either.

Advice, please.

I have just had a Christmas card from my sister. Not unusually early for her, she always gets them written in November so that she can mail them out by second class post (no comment).

Who gave her my address? - but never mind, too late.

But then, wtf?

She says she is splitting her time over Christmas between Niece and Nephew 3. She says would I like to catch up in the Spring? She says she has had a knee replacement, giving this as a reason for not wishing to drive before then. She doesn't mention separating from her husband, and she has signed the card with love from all four of them. And it is most unusual for her to put anything in a Christmas card beyond signing it - they've always had them pre-printed.

Is this a cry for help? Is she assuming that I have avoided all contact with her for eighteen months through absent-mindedness or some sort of oversight? Why does a not very sporty 62 year old need a knee replacement? - and who's walking their fox terrier?

If she were a friend, I'd be round there this lunchtime with a bottle of wine and a cheesecake. She has a lot to cope with. I care about that.

But we are not friends. I want to stop thinking about it. How?

Hmmmm. This is YOUR sister, yes? And you've cut off communication with her due to stuff that happened during the time that your mother was in your care?

I don't have any advice, CM. But I will tell you that for the 24 years that I was married to my ex, it must have appeared that I was a real piece of $hit to my family. A few examples: wouldn't let me buy Christmas gifts for my parents; wouldn't allow me to send Christmas cards, dictated how much and what kind of contact I had with all of my family. I adopted his (stupid and idiotic) opinions as my own. It took until my dad's funeral ("you're mourning all wrong, you shouldn't cry, stop being so emotional") that I finally realized what an a$$hole he was. (By the time HIS dad died, we were separated. You should have heard the weeping! I just patted his hand. My mother was kind enough to say to him "your dad is in a better place". My mother was a much nicer person than I.)

When I finally dumped him, it took several years to make ammends.

I never came right out and said "Ex was a piece of $*it, NPD, probably Borderline, jerk; I'm sorry I fed into his bad behavior, will you forgive me and have me back?".

I would have sent a personal card with some news and hoped that reaching out in a way that wasn't "pre-printed" would send the message to the receiver.

Thus endeth the lesson.

Got a call from the police at 5:00 am. We had a break-in at the caregiver's center - some vandalism and theft of some computer equipment. We'll have to be closed for a few days for
repairs and clean up. An alarm went off at 4:45. When the police arrived there were lights on in the building that hadn't been on in an earlier drive by. He found the rear door had been broken into. I'll have to do an inventory of stolen items for insurance. An adjuster will have to assess damage. There was a workshop last night that lasted until 10:00. Everything was locked up and alarm set at that time. Police say it's the first break-in in the area in several years.

There are a lot of interesting parallels there, Barb.

And the rage and frustration of it! I can't BELIEVE I let you take me over like that!!! It's like being the victim of the most stupendous confidence trick and suddenly twigging to it. But thank goodness you did - getting away is the only remedy. And resorting to your own values, too, as your mother did.

I don't know BIL well enough to understand the dynamics of their marriage and what effects it might have had on Sister, but you've reminded me of a few small incidents - turning down a supper invitation before I'd even had time to say when it was, deciding she couldn't keep a framed embroidery she'd made for my mother because BIL wouldn't have "tat" like that in the house, writing a stern letter warning me against ever again giving hand-me-down dresses to my toddler niece (what did the child wear in the sandpit? Her ball gown?). But on the other hand, none of these things, although they might have saddened or offended me at the time, especially surprised me. If I thought he was pretty up himself sometimes I did also think they were well-matched as a couple.

Also. It's not over yet. I don't know how long they've been living apart and I wouldn't be that astonished if they ultimately decide that divorce is too expensive and inconvenient, and too much like failure, to be worth it.

The trouble is that all of the reasons I had for protecting myself from her still apply. It was more that we were unwillingly thrown together by mother's needs and choices; caregiving didn't spoil our relationship, which had never been great even at the best of times, it forced us to maintain one and make the best we could of it. I would love her to have a shoulder to cry on and someone to vent to and cheer her up but I'm not the right person for the job. I annoy her, she offends me. There is no bond.

So, could we make one?

Hm. What do we think of people who repeatedly convince themselves that people who have previously hurt them a lot will have changed and everything will be different and lovely now?

I think I should try not to be stupid.

Barb/CM, I've read with interest your above posts. My own experience is with my own ex who from the day we married alienated me from everyone - friends and family. I can only imagine what people thought of me. I did not have a good relationship with my mom and one brother. But did with my dad and my youngest brother. I left him after 25 years of every kind of abuse imaginable. I never reconnected with anyone. Not sure why not - perhaps embarrassment. CM I don't know for sure, but I probably would keep some distance for my own self protection. But that's how I tend to go. Go with your own instincts.

CM it is the holidays. I have been having similar thoughts. I had emailed AD about six weeks ago, on my mom's 91st birthday in response to email she sent me and twisteds. Just memory stuff about Mom. I replied all. A couple of days later no responses from twisteds, so emailed AD telling her that I hoped the dysfunction would settle with mom's passing, and just wasn't to be. AD must have talked to ts2, as she sent me a text asking if I would like to meet for breakfast the following morning. The catch? Ts1 also, and in her area about 1.5-2 hours from here. I declined, I had plans that morning (needed time to think about this invite). I should have kept my mouth shut. Ts2, maybe but not with ts1. TS2 probably doesn't want ts1 communicating with me at all. Oh well,

The things the holidays bring on.

Then a note from ts1 with a disbursement check that maybe we could get together after Xmas.

Sent now thinking about this c@@@ again.

Upset sorry about the break in.

It is difficult isn't it?

I don't think the patterns of a lifetime change. That goes for you, cm, and also for glad, and for myself.

Whatever the reason for increased contact, my experience, 80 years of it now, is that things don't change and inevitably the old dysfunctional patterns reassert themselves after the attempt to establish a workable social relationship.

Events - divorces, holidays, in my case my sis's marriage, all present opportunities for another go around the circus ring. Whether it is to share troubles, or joys, or seasonal blessings, the desire for renewed contact rears it's head.

Our sisters want contact - to forge family bonds.

This is where I am at:

Out of social obligation, due to my sister's remarriage, I have re engaged in email contact, sent flowers, a card and good wishes (the obligatory stuff). I have promised them a celebratory meal when they come over in the spring. It is what mother would have done and part of this, for me, is what I feel to be a family obligation. My analysis of sis's need is that she now has a man too, and that she wants to show him off and us all to be "friends" because looks better to others and to her new mate.

I have no delusions that this will end well for me, absolutely none. She has always reverted to snide and cutting remarks and worse, said with a big smile, and denied later. Once the initial excitement of the new union is over, I will slowly reduce contact, increase time between emails, and when the inevitable happens, cut contact again.

cm - your sis likely sees in you a potential ally, as you are singled too, and is, understandably, looking for support. But that does not mean you have to give it. You have some very justifiable negative feelings towards her, and if you desire is to maintain no contact then do so. Do what works for you. How to stop thinking about it? Make a decision of how you are going to handle it. Respond vaguely and then be too busy for any specifics, or something like that.

glad - you have your answer with ts1 being included and on her terms only. AD does like to stir up, doesn't she? After Christmas???? Figure out if it would be worth it.

Dysfunctional families could also be titled fractured families. It is the way it is.

upset - I have had to grow a thick skin about the impression I think some family members have been given about me. Honestly - their problem. Not nice I know, but not my circus. So sorry about the break in. Hope all gets resolved quickly.

barb - you are so well out of that first marriage. I have heard the "you're mourning all wrong" from my sister after my son was killed. Nobody needs that.

Oh my! Have a good day all, despite these things. Life goes on and is what you make of it. And on that note do some good things for you.

Do something good - I have cleaned the kitchen floor, does that count? Well at least you get a nice clean floor out of it :)

And binned the card. Not as helpfully final as with deleting emails, but the thought of my neighbours seeing me fishing about head down in the wheelie bin should be enough to keep me from retrieving it out of guilt, and the collection is next Monday - safe enough!

Here it goes with the FOG...

I am afraid that I will be guilty of hurting her feelings and failing to help someone who is asking for help. I feel an obligation to be courteous, and reply to someone who has contacted me - in my family you can be as cruel as you please but you must NEVER be bad-mannered. I fear regretting my coldness, and being thought of badly by her children and mine. I think I am being silly (oh come on it wasn't *that* bad! - but excuse me, yes it was). I think I "should" be more forgiving, and less sensitive.

What helps me is remembering my mother's weekly misery when she met up with her two sisters for coffee every Sunday morning in their later life. I am NOT going to be doing that, treating myself to a little light-hearted character assassination, when I am in my eighties, if I get that far. I refuse to feel bound to a bad relationship - two perfectly all right people who are toxic in combination.

Must get that copy of "The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving A F**k" I promised myself a couple of years back.

Yeah, it counts. You feel better now that it is done.

You made a decision. Great!

Then the FOG rolls in, San Francisco style.

You may hurt her feelings, but yours are as important to you, or more so, than hers are. Remember Paulo Coelho, "When you say “yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “no” to yourself.

Failing to help someone - given the state of your relationship do you REALLY think you could help her??? Relationships where helping can occur need to be solidly positive relationships. That isn't the case here.

Never does not always have to be never. Breaking a old family tradition is not necessarily a bad thing.

Regretting your coldness - think about it not as coldness, but as a self protective move which you never regret.

Being thought badly by her children and mine. Sigh. That's a big hook isn't it? Her children know her, and if yours don't, they will find out eventually, I believe. And if not, you can rest in the knowledge that you have a relationship with these people too, and they have to figure it out. When all else fails, ponder this,"What other people think of you is none of your business." Regina Brett.

Oh yes, it was "that" bad and maybe worse.

Let go of the shoulds, always! You are who you are and that is fine!

Ah, memories of mothers and character assassinations. Definitely another thing we don't need.

The book sounds to be just what you need, “how to stop spending time you don't have with people you don't like doing things you don't want to do.” Thank you, Mark Manson

Have a good morning everyone - evening to you, cm!

CM, long post. I too was raised "forgive and forget" and "politeness above all". When I moved out at 18, I didn't see or speak to my mother or sister for almost 20 years outside of funerals. My sister reached out 1 time through my father and I threw letter away. The dysfunction had been too great growing up. My mother and I reconnected by phone and reconciled ONLY AFTER Mother apologized (never ever happened before) with her finally accepting responsibility for alcoholism, failed relationships, and ignoring abuse allegation against my stepfather. But not my sister and I. About two years later, when father died, my sister called me to say she wanted to book same flight to funeral and wanted seat next to me if that was okay. Not primarily to attend funeral, but sister wanted to talk things out. She told me that I'd feel safe because we'd both be on our best behavior on plane and that I'd talk on the plane because I hated them. My sister told me she didn't really care about the a**hole (our father) but she didn't want me to have to travel the whole way alone to face step-relatives and funeral. It was a painful 2 hours that included apologies on both sides for bad behaviors years ago. What won me over? her guilt that she was spared the abuse by stepfather. her admission of jealousy and dysfunctional sabotage when we were growing up in alcoholic household. THE ONLY REASON I was able to reopen the door was honest apology for bad behavior and taking responsibility going forward. The card in the bin was my first response like yours. The conversation happened when my sister approached me in a neutral place and with acceptance of her own shortcomings. I was raised to be polite, too... it's why it's so hard to be rude to my in-laws when they are narcissistic and using. On the other hand, my aunt who was a real "pot-stirrer" I quit speaking to when she spread lies within dysfunctional family until aunt died. Forgiveness and moving on takes common ground and a desire to have a relationship. We are not required to maintain relationships due to blood long term, just not be overly ugly. It doesn't sound like the personality change happened when husband came along, but rather that he fit her personality. Wait and see. If she reaches out again, it's possible it's genuine. Meet on neutral ground - leave if it's unpleasant. One benefit of being older lady - we get to leave when we want to:))

Glad, I'm sorry about TS2. I find that when people include folks not in my original reach-out, that they really didn't want to meet me on common ground. Rather, they manipulate. The dysfunction isn't over and it may never be over. At least you got some disbursement after all the vicious attacks.
Golden, glad about your dgs med change. It can make huge difference. I can always tell my son's compliance or NOT with his anxiety med. Wonderful advice as usual. We are raised as "fixers" and there's stuff you just can't. You can repair relationships, but it takes work. The biggest points in my sister's favor? She has asked me for help moving and when she had surgery to recover - she also paid for plane fare, meals when there, and paid me the equivalent of work missed since I don't get vacation working contracts part time. She literally puts her money where her mouth is and doesn't expect something for nothing. Update on friend and her mother? Mom is bruised but healing. Friend "just can't manage the crises" and has found another person willing to do footwork to take over when I drew boundaries. Ah, well, that's why I am careful that relationships don't require rescue...

Upset, sorry to hear about break-in. This is the season that opportunists and bored teens have time to look for "free stuff". They think that insurance will reimburse you. Be careful about 4-6 weeks from now when the burglars think you've replaced items stolen. Sucks to steal from non-profit but as dysfunctional caregivers we're used to it.
Thanks for all of you if I don't mention - our stories become so tangled and familiar that I hope that your holidays are better. If you are grieving, take time for yourselves, too. Don't let the snakes eat you.

Hi

I have two aging parents who live two doors down, one is 92 my dad, my mom is 88. They have recently moved to the area to be closer so I can help support them. Things have gotten out of control, they were invited to dinner and non stopped argued for over an hour about finances. My mom is very controlling and my father resents it which is normal but only feels he can stand up to her when he has an audience. My parents have well enough money but she controls it and put him on a tight leash. He receives 200 a month allowance. They have years of resentment and frankly I do not want to hear it. My mom has always lacked empathy and sensitivity unless it is about her. She immediatley goes to victim if she does not get her way. Recently, he wanted a golf card and wanted me to help him get this cart without her knowing and helping him. He then was trying to figure out how to get the money from her. He argued and argued and she decided to give it to him. Ok, then they wanted a ride to the golf cart place and I could not go because I was working. The whole ordeal with this cart was terrible. My mate took them and my mom manipulated the situation so that he did not get one. They came over and blamed my mate for it and blamed me for wanting one for myself because he state I wanted it.
I am just not how to make sure I or my mate do not get tangled in their dysfunctional pattern again. I did not see this coming and feel disappointed and frustrated that they are acting like this. After all I have done to help them and they are just toxic. Now I am afraid they live so close and am afraid of what next. I saw comments about getting stronger boundaries and need to address this. When helping turns on me and now having to deal with that is just too much.

Gidget 60, Setting boundaries is a good thing. If your parents manage their own finances, don't get involved unless absolutely necessary. Neither you nor your mate need to get involved unless they are doing something that would compromise their financial well being.

Guest, Thanks for the advice. I wouldn't have thought of them coming back.

Upset, our public schools get robbed all the time for the electronics. It’s true that they will strike again after you’ve replaced the stuff. It doesn’t always happen around Xmas time. They’ve found an easy target. The schools even added cameras but.... doesn’t really deter them. Here on island, having a security monitor means nothing to them. I’ve heard from several people that when the alarm goes off, they still quickly enter and immediately goes into bedrooms for quick steals- while the alarm is blaring. Because they know that it will take a while for someone to come over and investigate. One deterrent is to have very good quality cameras. A lot of homeowners, as last resort, end up fencing their property.

Edit: schools have reached out to the surrounding communities asking for their help. If they see something suspicious, please call the police. That seems to be working.