The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

sharyn - I remember you mentioning that. I think my vision anomaly is due to the bleeding I had too. I am glad the surgery is over. It is a one time deal which is good. Something to cross off my medical "bucket" list! You are a bit away from having it done yet.

becky - surgery may provide a real improvement for now anyway. It certainly has for me. I found it a very easy procedure to go through.

Dental implants are up to date for now, and cataracts are removed - both things I needed done for a while. So glad I am finished with them. I know there will be more of something healthwise at some point, but I am enjoying the hiatus.

We still have a bit of tussling to do with the insurance co. The city has a program to fill in the difference between what the insurance co has paid and what you paid to restore your property. They require an engineering report which we never had, so I need to pursue that. And then the soda incident needs to be followed up on. Yuck!

Take care all!

Hi All, Golden I am glad you are coming along okay.
Becky, sorry to hear about the set backs with your eye care.
Shayrn sorry to hear you have eye condition also.

I am very nearsighted. at one point I was told I was legally blind. I also prefer lots of lights. I am not familiar with a lot of the issues mentioned but I wish you all the best with surgery and recovery. I do know that with these ongoing advances in medicine the recovery and effects are getting better and better in every field.

I came home to find my mother with gown and all her sweaters on legs exposed. Her tremors seemed more prononced with her legs bare. I tried to get her in tub again. Stressed to her not to try and get in there alone. She does not take showers. In anycase I couldnt get her to budge or put on pants. I lotioned her legs which are swollen and ashy and peeling. And left the pants I tried with in her lap. The good thing was her appetite was good. I got her the sausage crossiant from burger king. We used to eat them years ago. Seeing the morning girl working in the evening bought it back to my mind. She ate and enjoyed it. Then she had an iced carrot cake. I came down and caught her giving some to the dog so I dont know how much she ate.

I plead with her to eat and let me bathe her. I didnt want her to see the tears and it seems she listened to me not wanting her to get sick because she put on the pants. I left feeling better but I am still torn as I know it will get worse.
then my son's other grandmother passed a few days ago. Its was sad to hear. She had dementia and was refusing to eat.

The therapy thing was to good to be true. Naturally my butt thought it would be simple. They have to check my job insurance which is nothing really they didnt even remimburse me for a bloodpressure visit and drug test for the job. To pay I would have to pay 163 for initial visit and then 97 for each 1hour of therapy. They have a sliding scale option but i am over the max income. The contact says tthey witll work with me so I am keeping my fingers crossed. she says they take into concideration, debt and bills so I have a chance. I am willing to pay, just to see what its about and how I feel a few times onece the fee is reduced. I never had real therapy maybe something will stick. Maybe they can find a hole and pour what I need in it. (wishful thinking ehh!)

In any case I am still hopeful. Hope is all I really have and faith that everything will work out for the good. Thats when I am not getting hit to hard by life. Sometimes its too many punches to roll with for me. Right now I am good though. Wish you all lthe best. I am signing off for a few days. Try to do somethingwith this convection oven and cook something nice for us on my days off. I put off apts this weeks I need a break. Take care all.

Oh and Dorianne, do what works for you. the man that is represeenting America now is like a bad dream. What happened!! to us. Its never been right but my goodness if I was was outside looking in I'd get upset also. No offense taken by this American. And by the way I know people here are from everywhere but my one visit to Canada was awesome. Took my soon to see Niagra Falls many years ago and then we did a tour what I saw was beautiful. Not to mention all the wonderful nice places and wonders I have heard of in the US.

Golden/Sharyn, I got an email from the eye center. I have to go in tomorrow afternoon. The laser specialist may do his procedure first for the bleeding vessels. Then they will do cataract surgery. Then back to the Eylea treatments. They seem to think this is the best sequence.

Dental implants are in the works. I still have teeth to be pulled. Then all of the implants. My grandmother used to tell me all the maintenance work was worse than getting old. I'm beginning to think she was right.

Duck, Thanks. Have you tried a bath chair or hand grips on the bathtub. That might help with her fears. I saw a question on here somewhere about getting someone to bathe. My Mom got afraid of the bathtub. But would use the bath chair and a handheld shower spray. It's good for you that your mom  is more responsive to you. When my grandmother quit eating, her daughter's got her to eat the children's squeeze yogurts. My other grandmother would eat cornbread softened with buttermilk. I've tried that myself and it's not too bad.

Duck, I had an absolutely wonderful therapist. She specialized in caregiver issues and was especially a good sounding board through the crazy dysfunction with the twisteds. I was not making any money, she charged $60.00/hour, sliding scale. I always paid cash if she claimed the income or not, none of my business. She was great, always understood, helped me to learn I would never be able to comprehend why twisteds did the things they did. And who suffered the most? Sadly, my mom and her hubby. My skin was too thick, me too stubborn and willing to give mom the best. Oh, and the therapist? My first meeting of her disclosed she had just met ts1 at some therapist luncheon meeting or something. That actually made it fun, me just fantasizing over what my therapist thought of ts1 from all the wacky stories she had heard from me about my whacked family.😄

Golden, you sure seem to be doing very well. You can see to write and provide your much appreciated feedback and suggestions to so many. And you have been around here so looong! So much experience to share.

Ali, hope the new, New works out well for you.

Hey Sharyn and Golden, you check out those socks yet? They are a bit pricey, but will last for years providing the washer or dryer does not eat them. I am a firm believer that sock manufacturer's make socks so that one disintegrates after being washed a certain number of times.😉

Wondering if I may have peripheral neuropathy. One foot has hurt for years in various shoes. The only shoes that do not hurt, but now starting too, are my Danskos. UFFDA! Must find a doctor here.

Drivin' by to wave HI! Got home after midnight (soap making again). Just finishing a load of mom's laundry because she has no pants to wear tomorrow! Then I am taking my exhausted a** to bed! I did read everything, lol. Big hugs to you all!

Becky, very good they got in today. I hope it is good news for you. I remember how scared I saw when I had the occulsion. It was about 26 years ago now. I prayed so hard I would not grow new vessels which would have bled and I could have gotten glaucoma in that eye. They told me it was caused by a small piece of plaque that broke loose and made its way to the vessel going to the retina.

Glad, I have looked online at the smart wool socks. I will order some after I get paid on Friday. They are pricey, I will get a couple pair to start, I’ll only use them when I’m out running around on errands. Lots of cute designs available too!  I sure hope you don’t have peripheral neuropathy.  Have you seen a dr about it?

Re: socks, feet hurting, etc.

I have orthotics, which mostly make most flat shoes unpainful. Recently was advised by my cardiologist to wear 15-20 HG support socks. This has made my feet hurt even less!

Glad, I've had peripheral neuropathy for 3 years. Started in my toes and has now spread to above my knee. It's painful and comfortable shoes are hard to find. I use ice for pain in the evenings. I wear the compression stockings like Barb suggested. I hope that you don't get this diagnosis.

I've been to the eye specialist - saw the doctor who does laser surgery. I go back Friday morning to have bleeders cleaned up. I have the kind that grow back. After followup for the laser surgery, they will schedule cataract surgery. They don't know if I'll have further Eylea treatments. Not looking forward to any of it but I'll do what I have to do to keep my vision.

I am just gutted today. Gutted.

When I woke up, I had this inexplicable desire to read some of my stepmom's poetry about my dad. Started crying as soon as I saw her picture.

Then driving mom around this morning, had to rush to pick up an unexpected Purolator package because they wanted her and her ID, and there's no other time available till Monday, which is the deadline for pickup. Then through Tim Horton's drive thru, then on to drop mom off at RIH in time. She wanted extra Timbits so I said I'd drive around the hospital twice so she could eat them all before the nurses apprehended them (no eating on dialysis). I was talking about my brother and the holidays. Mom says suddenly, "I wish I'd had you younger." "Why?" "So I could have had more time....oh I don't know what I'm saying." Then no time to draw her out or process. Time to go. Ran errands, came back here, snuggled up to kitten, and cried.

Started pulling up songs on YouTube to lull the kitten into sleeping on my chest. Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks ("his" song, lol). Then Summertime. The song my dad sang me to sleep with every night. Cried.

Cried, cried, cried. Crying now. I'm gutted.

I have to get my s*** together right now and go pick mom up. I can't even give her time until the weekend. I am promised to the soap-making adventure one more evening, and then off to visit my friend up north tomorrow and deliver some of the soap to her shop before Christmas, then mom has an extended day at the hospital Friday. I feel guilty now. I feel guilty for not having time for mom during a moment like this. I feel guilty for thinking my stepmom was a better mom and for being a carbon copy of my dad. I feel guilty for not having all the feelings a person should have when their mother says something like that.

I hope that is not what it is, either. Read about it, and of course ads on tv for a new treatment for it. I need to find a doctor here and figure out what is going on. The pain for the most part is the outside edge of my foot, but seems to be spreading to other areas of the foot. I have had two neuromas surgically removed from that foot as well a an ankle surgery for tarpel tunnel syndrome.

Will try some different socks, clogs work ok through the day though not as well as they used to.

Thank you all.

sorry -- haven't read back. I am beside myself.

That woman who came to the door with her sons to shovel is being very pushy and comes when I haven't called them. She was pushing to hire R as a guide for her lodge even though she had not met him. We arrived back last night to find they had shovelled the driveway, again unasked. I was expecting some parcels and checked online and they had been delivered Saturday. I had asked my dd to look out for them and she saw nothing. This morning there was a knock on the door and there was the woman with her daughter and my parcels. When I opened the door to get the parcels from her, and left it open while I got money to pay for the shoveling, and then to tell her I did not need her help anymore, she saw R at the table, and she and her daughter came in, uninvited, and she said to R,"I want to hire you for this summer, I want to hire you, I want to hire you..." R who is too diplomatic came over and explained he had other things he was looking at, meanwhile I gave her the money, put my hand on her shoulder and guided her out the door, admittedly none too politely, as I cut her off. She was still telling R when her husband would be back from work so they could interview him, as she went out the door. R was a little shocked at how I handled it, but in my experience you have to give people like that a very firm message and I did.

It is illegal to take someone else's mail. She must have been watching the house to know that we were back. She is a crackpot as far as I am concerned, and I feel a bit weirded out by her behaviour. If she tries any more contact I may have to take steps.

I didn't need this! We have had good neighbours over the years, who helped out once in a while and never were pushy - they just quietly helped and didn't expect anything in return. She isn't even really a neighbour. She lives around the corner and down a few houses and I would normally have no reason to encounter her. Aaaargh!!!

Golden, I haven't followed this thread regularly but saw your post of about 3/4 of an hour ago in my News Feed and had to see what was going on.

I'm appalled at the audacity of this neighbor and her sons. How arrogant! And how infuriating! I've a few similar experiences with a neighbor as well as someone completely unknown who insisted he was going to mow my lawn for pay and became aggressive. I was ready to call the police when he finally left.

I know you're savvy and will find a way to deal with this couple, but I don't think it would hurt to call the local police and be on record that this woman is harassing you.

According to the local newscasters, a problem has developed in a neighboring area because of thieves stealing packages from porches, taking advantage of the holiday deliveries. I've been thinking of asking UPS if they can hold packages and I'll pick them up; it would be safer.

If you don't have any more goods on order, that might not be an issue, but there's an underlying one that's equally unsettling, and that is that this women is apparently pushing herself into your life.

Is she emotionally stable? Do you have any idea why she's being so pushy?

Can you afford to hire a service to clean the walk and pre-empt her? I think there are a few ways to block her, one is issue by issue and the other would be to address the whole issue of her meddling and pushing herself into your life.

Golden, How pushy. Mom and I had the same type neighbor in Ohio three winters ago. Although the young man involved had a learning disabilty. We had several incidents where he did things I had not asked him to do. It culminated with him grabbing my SIL in the dark saying she owed him money. She called the police. Some people can't be trusted.

FedX is now using this fast ship where they deliver smaller packages to the post office then the mailman delivers them. You certainly can ask the post office to hold those things or rent a PO box if you order a lot of stuff .
Maybe if she turns up again you could have R open the door carrying the most horrendous fire arm he owns and say something like "Just cleaning this bad boy, never know when you will need it"

Thx Becky. I think one has to be very careful with people like that.Trojan horses!
Glad to hear that your eye treatment is progressing and prayers for it to be successful.

Veronica lol I am afraid it might turn her on. I have had no trouble with parcels up until this incident.

Glad - I hope you get your feet sorted out. Foot pain makes life so hard. I haven't tried the socks and seem to be ok with what I can buy at the grocery store. My feet tolerate flip flops and cheap flats very well as long as I get the right fit.

dori - look after you as much as you can, You are going through a lot right now.

if I have forgotten anyone please forgive me, I am supposed to be being quiet recovering from the surgery, but nut looks like some signals got mixed,

Made headway today with an additional claim for reimbursement from the city for expenses incurred by the fire. R is great at that kind of stuff. Need one more document that I hope that is coming from the restoration company.

Wishing for a quiet night and no more intrusions from that person or her family - ever! I think I ate a whole  bar of chocolate  today which s very rare thing for me to d.

Golden, unbelievable how people will take on your life. I hope you set her straight. I hope your recovery is going well.

Glad, I wear dansko professional for work. It is all I can wear for the plantar fasciitis. They are not necessarily attractive shoes but I see the walking company has many cute orthotic type shoes with many styles for every day use.

Another busy day off with midgets grooming appointment and my hair appointment. Dd and I met at michaels afterward. They had 50-70% off so I picked up a couple decorative boxes for Christmas gifts ( I hate wrapping).

We have been very fortunate regarding parcels so far.

Have a good night all!

Golden, I really hope for your sake that the woman, yes, was interested in doing the shoveling and hiring R, so invited herself to do the work and to drop back in on you, but taking the parcels is RIDICULOUS error in judgment and I hope you don't hear from her further. GOOD ON YOU for knowing how to handle the situation. I'm getting better but things still surprise me. Had a situation yesterday that I don't want to go into, but... made me realize I'm far too nice. People expect things from me that I have NO intention of doing/giving and I don't even know why they would think that way... except that they are trying to be manipulative and taking and I have to cut that right off much sooner. It happens with me a bit... I suppose, too, because these situations are often with men friends who wouldn't mind being a little more than just friends... Anyway, I'm rambling. The things people will try to put on you if you would only let them. Sigh. I've had enough of it for a lifetime, for a few lifetimes. :-P

Dori ~ I appreciated the emotional stories you shared earlier. I don't have much to say except to give you big long distance ((((((((((hugs)))))))))). I'm glad you could feel all your feelings and grieve some. I think in general that's healthy and good.

Glad, Sharyn, Becky ~ Interesting regarding the neuropathy and compression socks. I have numbness in my feet and I wear very comfy shoes these days compared to previous styles I would wear for work and social life. I can't figure out why the numbness but it doesn't worry me yet.

Not much to say about myself lately. The sleep issues have subsided big time since I started with melatonin. I only take half the 3mg melt now, after not yet a week of it working like a charm. Last night I fell asleep early on my own w/o the melatonin. I slept A LOT of hours, 12+ all said, but it felt good and I still got up at a decent time and put in a full day today, so that's fine. I'll fall asleep early any day lol. It's not falling asleep until very late into the early morning that is the problem. Reading about what was causing the adrenaline surges (cortisol levels too high) helped me to figure out how to prevent them, I think. Or maybe it's all due to adding in melatonin. Both. I don't care why, just thankful I'm sleeping better, and so therefore feeling much better. Woo hoo!

I have a couple of job prospects but... I'll wait and see what pans out before I mention them. There's been a little of this and a little of that for weeks now but if nothing comes of it for awhile, I'm doing ok with the driving (rideshare for income) and learning/networking (new businesses in Chicago and talk to new riders every day about my past experience) right now. Things are ok on that front. For now.

I have at least one more trip to take to old house. I'll be glad when it's done. Not done just yet. Slow and steady pace, I'm doing what I can when I can, I'll just keep stepping for now.

Talked to my mother briefly today as it is her birthday.  The conversation with her can often leave me feeling attacked and defensive, but not today.  She said something about it being my life, and she said it in a neutral, acknowledging way for a change.  lol   That was nice that I didn't feel judged, defensive, or misunderstood for things I shared with her.  Convos with her often turn into my voice getting a little raised and tense as a reaction to something she says that I don't appreciate but not today.  Long may it last.  ;-)  

Ali, Numbness in your feet can be an early warning for diabetic neuropathy or a first sign of type 2 diabetes. I would get a quick blood sugar check. It's one of those better safe than sorry routines (this from the person who never bothered).

Golden,
Trust your intuition about the neighbor. She is intrusive.

Becky, you're right, of course, and I'm testing in "pre diabetic" range of blood sugar and I'm getting some other symptoms (but only occasionally with the dry eyes and mouth, frequent urination, but all the time with the mildly numb feet now) and I found out diabetes runs 4 generations deep on my mother's side. Yes... it's probably early symptoms. I'm not worried just yet, but I will continue to monitor and eat right. Do you think that's enough or should I invest in a blood glucose meter and keep an eye on it at home? I won't go in to doctor again unless things get worse. Not sure there's a way to treat "pre diabetes" if it's not in the range of being considered disease Dx-worthy.

Er, neuropathy is not a sign of pre-diabetes, it's a sign of well-established and uncontrolled actual diabetes having already caused substantial damage. So I hope the tingling sensation is related to something else entirely.

There is one way to treat pre-diabetes, which has even proved effective in reversing diagnosed type II. But you won't like it: 800 calories a day until you have burned up visceral fat deposits, under medical supervision only, and no short cuts.

With a strong family history (it's lurking in both sides of mine) you do want to keep an eye open; but rather than DIY methods go to your GP and get it done properly with a fasting glucose and regular monitoring.

Ali, CM's advice is more accurate than mine.

I had a finger stick at my PCP's office. It was elevated and they scheduled me for fasting glucose within a day or two. Mine progressed quickly and within a week or two I ended up using a walker. It took me six months of strict diet and exercise to get back on track. I did PT five days a week to get my balance and walking back to no walker. But my mobility is not near what it was 3 years ago. This is one time you don't want to mess around, especially with a family history.

Ali, I'm still on the strict diet and exercise, twice daily finger sticks and oral medication, fasting blood sugar every three months.

My understanding is neuropathy is most commonly caused from diabetes. However, injury can also cause it. My sis has neuropathy from having uncontrolled and undiagnosed diabetes which dr estimates she had for at least 10 years. The pain did not show up until her blood sugar was slowly lowered to a normal range.

Neuropathy in one's feet can have many causes. While I agree you need to take the diabetes seriously, I'd consider other causes as well.

Neuropathy just means nerve disease, with any number of causes - infection, injury, autoimmune, all sorts. In diabetes the problem is poor blood supply to the peripheral (as opposed to central) nervous system; and that happens because excessive glucose in the blood almost literally gums up the works. It also affects blood supply to the retina, which is why blindness can develop. Seriously bad news all round and therefore worth working hard to avoid.

But don't panic. Find out whether you're at risk or not, and what if anything you need to do about it. There are lots and lots of things you can do to manage the disease effectively, and I personally know of at least two diabetic ladies who celebrated their ninetieth birthdays with cake.

I agree, Barb - and in my case it would be sit up straight like my mother taught me and stop spending hours welded to the sofa/computer with my legs crossed at the knee. Posture in the post-internet generations tends to be bloody diabolical.