The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Hi all, I am trying to catch up and realize I better start responding before I forget. I am loveing this site catching up. Hearing the good news and exhange of info.

Glad, so good to hear from you. I am looking forward to therapy and your sharing your experience eased some of my fear. I really cant wait. But I am also scared. Facing myself and issues get very emotional for me.
Like everyhing seems like this therapy thing is going to take a while. I took down email address over phone. Imailed job insurance card which is very minimal which is first step. I dont have computer at home right now (in the works) so when I get to work tonight I see it didnt even go through. On my days off. I thought to call but told my self to give them time to check out insurance. Now I see I havent even got the ball rolling. Aye yi yieeee!!!!!

Becky, thanks for the advice. You know I had the bath chair in my head for a reason. But all I could see is it was not safe for my mother to even try to get in the tub not even recognizing it may be fear. Because she was an ardent bather. So that bath chair is in the works. Meanwhile I am making her warm shakes with an infant formula and milk in addition to the spoon feeding which she seems to be used to now. She does eat on her own but its after she has poor appetite.

I bought so more stuff to rubb and moisturize her legs and diabetic socks. She had key chain small flashligt in shoe walking on it. Her foot was tender there and i told her it was from the flashligtht. Cleaned them good and cut the toe nails down.

So sorry about the condition with your eyes. Looks like you are on top of it. All the best in maintaining it.

Golden, the nerve of that woman. I will be careful here on expressing my thoughts. but some people are just plain old tricky. I think you handled her good and the nerve of her to take your property. My goodness. Its a self righteous and selfish spirit. Meeism.

I am glad things are flowing for you. Oh and about the stairs. They do keep you in shape but I sure did love the evlevator the one time I lived in building that had one. I mean its so smooth walking on with your load and walking to your door. Of course then I did a lot of walking. I have two flights to walk up now. I do it like nothing just a lot of phewing once I get in but when my knees were acting up it was horrific up and down. I started back on the glucosamine for joint care. I took for a while, orthro doctor recommended it on my last shot. She was using my visit to teach. (starting to go off tangent here Babble babble.

Dorriane your post bought tears to my eyes.

Ali you are so good at wrapping the delima in a nutshell and showing its normal. That eases the pain. I am rootin for you always.

Guest good luck at the family dinner. Good you standing your ground you have been the bigger person and tolerated so much.

Dang! I just spent time writing this long post and decided to delete it. Too much information.

I just realized how my sister talks to my mother like a dog and the intimidation that she accused me of is what she does. I was taken aback when she said it because my mother has never been a person to be intimitdated but I am seeing it now and I feel a kind of way about it. My imagination makes me wonder why she is so timid especially since she disappeard for a while.

I sit and watch my mother, while try to feed her or cook and I am so glad that I can spend time in her presence with out coiling up or rushing to get away. Those bad moments are still there but I prayed not to remember and I was anwered because now with all the kindness and sweetness and innocence I am not drawn to past memories. It just makes me look at her and I cant help but wonder how I am going to make it when she is gone if I am still here. All the bad and the good. I wanted to tell her when my father died, that I dont know what Id do if something happened to her.
It scares me if she doesnt eat or dring that she will get dehydrated and malnourished. I get different kinds of advice from friends who have different experiences and some of the feedback I know is not right. I couldnt just leave before and certainly not now even if I had the means. Deep down in side I long for justice with my sister. I cant understand what makes her need to block me from my mothers care. And I wish I could say it doesnt bother me. It just speaks so much of the true ugly between us that I fooled my self about.
The holiday season makes it a little worse. Christmas is Sunday!!. I see people shopping and cars with trees wrapped on top and it brings back such memories. I wish you all the best in this season. Rays of love, light and happiness. Its about love and I plan to share it with others if I cant with my own family.

Duck, Don't be afraid of therapy. Be honest with yourself and with your therapist. Good therapists are not judgemental. They want you to succeed in your therapy. You may discover something you don't like or didn't realize about yourself, but that's your chance to understand and make improvements. You will also discover strengths, skills and insights that you didn't realize you had. You can learn to adapt these things to make your life and relationships better. Work hard and remember that listening is always as important as talking.

Trying, People on this thread will try to help you and relate their experiences if they think it will help. None of us have all the answers, and we all have different experiences, but it's a safe space.

Dorianne, I made soap once years ago. Mine was not good. I don't know what I did wrong.

Sorry about the leg cramps. I used to take a med that caused them. Not pleasant.

I'm at the ER with my cousin. She was having back pain that her Ibuprofen was not handling. I called PJ's son who is a doctor. He told me to bring her in and he had an oncologist on duty come to the ER to see her. The doctor was very nice and very good to her. She's been asleep for about 3 hours. I think she has been doing too much the last couple of days and exacerbated her pain problems. It's been snowing all night, but the plows, salt and sand trucks have been out since yesterday evening. This is when learning to drive on the bad back roads of West Virginia is an advantage. We'll head home after the hospital pharmacy opens at 7:00 and I get her prescriptions picked up. The oncologist set her up with appointments at his office and also with pain specialist. 

Hi all. Late night for me - the week was crazy and I slept half the day away. Now I'm awake at 1:30 lol.

I'm feeling glum and weepy these days. I hate Christmas. Sooooo many sh***y memories. Soooo much pressure to have some mythical happy family event that never existed for me, that isn't even possible now. I've always secretly envied people that had enough money to run off to the tropics for Christmas. It's not that I feel sorry for myself, it's just that I'm not good at pretending to feel things I don't.

I'm certainly not ready for it, whatever Christmas there is this year. I dragged the tree out, but I haven't finished it. What's the point - mom doesn't participate, or care or even know what day it is half the time. She didn't care about getting a present or a card for anyone, not even my brother. (It's kind of startling to realize you're in charge of picking out your mother's card and present to your brother.) I know some of it is dementia, but mostly she just doesn't care anymore. So I haven't put my heart into anything. There's nothing for under the tree yet. I haven't gotten anything done except soap-making. I'll be scrambling to put some things together for my friends at the last minute.

I want to go to my BFF's like I've done the last several years. It's so peaceful and drama-free - no one fights or gets drunk; it's just playing with grandbabies and over-eating and playing games and watching Doctor Who. Mom doesn't really want to go there this year. I don't blame her, the way she feels, but I don't know what she WANTS to do. She won't give me any indication. It seems cruel to leave her here on her own, but it could easily end up being yet another day where she sleeps through till the next one, and then I'll end up rattling around here feeling resentful. I don't know what to do.

Dorianne, I've been down that bad Christmas memory road. It's not a good place to go. Maybe you can compromise - go to your friends for part of the day and spent part with your Mom. We haven't put our tree up yet. Mostly fear that the boys, the cat or one of the little dogs will make a big mess. Or maybe PJ hasn't remembered where he put it up last year. I'm sure we'll get it up by the weekend. I hope you can find a way to do something for yourself for Christmas.

Just looked out window - bank temperature sign - 3 degrees F

Therapy should be a safe place for you to talk without judgement. You will learn things about yourself that impairs your life and how to change it. You will learn your strengths.

Work is going well. You know, it’s work. The young girl I mentioned in a previous post is leaving, last Day is the 28th. Most of us are glad as we are tired of listening to her complain about the manager.

The snow is mostly all melted, that is normal as it seldom accumulates before more snow falls here. I would like a white Christmas though.

From Easteagle: Hello All, I know, I have not posted for awhile. I know you have all been through this yourselves: Our Parents refuse all outside help. Well the latest news is that my Mother met with the Ladies from Elder Services, and the wonderful news is that she qualifies financially for their help, and would pay only around $27.00 per MONTH, for their services. That is IF I understand my Mother and Brother correctly. I had tried to reach my Mother's Care Manager at the Elder Services office, and had to leave a message, that was over a week ago, and I have not heard back from anyone, yet. I do not have the phone number of my Mother's Visiting Nurse either, my Mother and Brother did not provide me with any contact info or phone numbers, just in case. I hope I make this long story short for all of you, and I know that I sound like "a broken record." So, my Mother hated the 2 Women who came to talk to her about all the services she could get, such as transportation for shopping, someone who will go shopping for her, or will go with her, housekeeping, etc. What happened was: when the Woman came to go over the list of services, my Mother also had her Visiting Nurse there, and the two Ladies were talking to each other. My Mother "flipped out" and said to them, "I don't like it when you are talking about me, behind my back, and I have a very keen mind, I do not have dementia, and I don't appreciate you talking about me." The Nurse and the Elder Services Lady told my Mother that they were just going over the list together, because the Nurse had been my Mother's V Nurse for many months now, and she really knows my Mother's living situation and what she needs as far as help. My Mother did not believe them. She got very stressed out. My Mother told me that the Elder Services Lady was very rude to her, and she claims that she told my Mother that she was talking too much. Now usually, my Mother is not the type to just keep talking to people that she does not know. So I don't know what to believe, I don't know if this woman was really rude to her, or not. So my Mother told me that this Woman is a very "Low-Class" person. That is my Mother's favorite term to use, when she doesn't like someone. Well the drama goes on and on, and it now looks like my Mother will not be using their services, and she has never called any of the private Home Health Agencies either, and never called the one that my Cousin had used for her Dad, that she highly recommended. What really scares me is this: This past week, my Mother told me that she left a pan on the stove and it was burning up, she was boiling an egg, and she said she only left it for "15 minutes". So the water had boiled away, and the pan was burning. Well I thank God that her smoke/fire detector was working, because she heard it going off, and realized that she had forgotten about the pan. Then she told me that she has done this before, and has burned and ruined most of her pans. Of course, I didn't know this was happening until just now. Last week, my Brother left with his wife to go on vacation to their house in Florida, where my sister in law's daughter and family are now living. They left last Wednesday, and they are staying until Dec 24th, but he did not tell me that he was going away. When I found out, I went into a panic about my Mother being all alone. I asked her to come and stay with us for Xmas, and of course, she would not have to stay the entire 11 or 12 days, we would pick her up and she could stay with us for a few days over Xmas. But, she has refused. So about the Elder Services again, she just told me that she would rather "stay dirty, and starve to death" before she lets anyone come into her house to bother her. She said, "I am not a people person." She also told the Nurse, and me, that the people who use the Elder Services, or the Home Health Aides, are people who need and are seeking a lot of attention, and they want all the services that they can get, and that she is not that kind of person. So, I have asked my 3 Daughters what their opinion is, and they all agree with my Husband, that my Mother is being way too stubborn and very unreasonable. Another thing that happened a few times: my Mother called me the other nigh at 9:30pm and she thought it was in the morning. She is getting her days and nights mixed up, but not all the time. I think her bad eyesight is causing this mix-up, and also she does not sleep at regular times. She stays up all night, and falls asleep during the day, and she does not hear anyone when they knock on her front door. Also, after I made tons of phone calls, and lined up a phone call to her - from the Benefits manager, about getting supplement Medicare insurance, she totally forgot about it, and did not answer the phone when they called. My brother was also supposed to be there to help her, but he shrugged it off, and he had told my Mother that her would be at her house to meet the Elder Services people, but he never showed up. I could go on and on. I know that many of you have been through all of this. It is just so hard, because my Mother was the one person who was always so sensible, no-nonsense, and full of common sense, and now she is being so difficult. The Ladies told my Mother that she could try out their services, and then she could change her mind, and not have them come anymore. They suggested just 2 days a week, to start with, and that would be just an hour or a few hours, depending on what she needed that day. They also have a hair dresser that would come in to wash her hair and style it, or they could take her to a salon of her choosing. She told me yesterday, that she will call her cab, and the cab drivers will help her go shopping. I am at my wits end. I had been feeling pretty good lately, but after the last phone call from Mom, my stomach was really bad for 2 days. She also calls me, which I don't mind of course, but lately she wants to keep talking for hours about things that we have already discussed, so she is repeating the same old stories. Sometimes, I have to tell her that I have to go into the bathroom, because I just know that she wants to talk for another few HOURS. I don't have the heart to say I can't listen, but my Mother just told me that I can interrupt her, and tell her that she is talking too long. So she does realize that she talks on and on. So, I am asking for your advice, again. Should I just leave her alone, and just wait for the next disaster to happen. I don't know what else I can do. There is a lot more going, my Brother is keeping tabs on what my Mother is spending, and so on. I can't go into all of that. I just want to know if I should let her make her own bad decisions. She also wants us to go to her house for Xmas, after I told her that we are staying home. Does understand that we have done all of the traveling and driving over the last 40 years, to her house, and to my 2 Aunts. We just can't do it anymore. My Mother wants to do all the cooking, but my Cousin reminded her that she can't do it by herself. One last thing, my Nephew and his wife, and baby, ended up going to my Mother's house on Thanksgiving day, but they didn't show up until 7pm that night. This is the Grandson that my Mother is crazy about, and she loves his wife. She is always commenting on how wonderful his wife is, because she has 2 college degrees, and has a very good job with a big income. But, I could not believe that they showed up so late, and did not call my Mother. Well, that is just a small part of what is going on. Thanks you All, for letting me vent. I have to get back to trying to clean up my house for Xmas Eve, my 3 Daughters and their Families are coming here for dinner.

East, only one thing is certain. That you making yourself sick with worry over your mother helps nobody. Not you, not your family and not your mother either.

You are getting all of this information about what's been going on from your mother, yes? So it's necessarily unreliable - might be true, might be half-true, might be baloney. So-and-so was very rude (maybe). So-and-so did this (could be). So-and-so did that (who knows).

You could text your brother and say: "mother is manifestly not safe on her own. Who is responsible for her welfare while you are away?" And if he doesn't reply, or you're not satisfied with his answer, you could call APS and tell them what the situation is - that your mother lives alone with your brother's support and you are not physically able to assist .

But you can't DO anything. She won't come to you, you can't go to her and you have already made that extremely plain, she has rejected sensible proposals and she is not (not yet anyway) mentally incapacitated. She has tied your hands. It's not your fault.

And, very importantly, for all you know there is actually a lot more help being sneaked in behind the scenes than she is admitting to, or possibly aware of. It's not your fault that you can't possibly know that, either.

Yes you should let her make her own mistakes, especially as your brother is her primary caregiver and not you, plus you know she is already on social services' radar, plus your mother and brother have intentionally excluded you from responsibility by, for example, omitting you from the emergency contact list. But if you really can't stop worrying, then text brother, give him 24 hours, and if you're still worried call APS for advice.

becky - good information for trying. I am glad you have the medical connections now for your cousin, though sorry she is in pain. I think you are right about her overdoing it. You are having sime cold weather!!!

sharyn - a BLT was one of my faves before allergies. Glad work is going well and the complainer is leaving. Everyone will heave a sigh of relief. I gather you are enjoying your first Idaho winter. Hope you have a white Christmas too. Has there been enough snow for the boys to build a snowman?

trying - mostly you will get support here and not be judged. Once in a while a weirdo appears on a thread and once in a while there are misunderstandings, but most of the time it works very well. Your mother is fortunate to have you and you are doing a great job. Hoarding is a mental illness and if she can't do it where she is then she is much better off. I am glad she is already on medicaid. That is a large hurdle crossed. Sorry about your hubs mum. I am sure he is busy with his dad.

duck - so good that you can help your mum in a day to day basis. You are very tender with her. Your sis is who she is and likely won't change, so work around her as you are doing. I have been to much therapy and hope that you have a positive experience. It has been very good for me. No more signs of the crazy lady thankfully. All the best for the season for you too. Yes, it is about love.

((((((dori)))))) - the season does bring back memories. It would be good to cut yourself some slack. Re what your mother wants -maybe she doesn't know or maybe she doesn't care and that's OK. You can't fix it and I know that hurts at times. I think Becky's compromise idea is a good one. You need some good times for just you. I am alone most of Christmas and I am fine with that. Your mother may be fine with it too.

east - what cm said. Work on yourself -- not getting stressed. There is very little you can actually do about your mother/bro situation. Your mother has refused help for the most part. She is, to me, showing signs of mental decline with the repetitions etc. It reminds me of my mother when she first started declining - she insisted that everyone else was confused. Hope you have a great Christmas with your family.

cm - very good suggestions about east texting her bro then after an appropriate time calling APS. The lady (east's mum) is not quite safe on her own. Hope your neighbour does not get more bad news about the blob. Happy Hanukkah!

Becky-have they done a bone scan for your cousin? A friend from college was having back pain and had breast cancer many years before. Come to find out after more than 2 years being treated for "back pain and overdoing it", the cancer had metastasized to her bones. She is now on a different chemo pill, and has finally had some relief from the pain. Something to consider. As a 2x survivor myself, vigilance is the key. Hope that you have gotten some support in clean up efforts in the aftermath of caregiver center burglary. Enjoy the holiday.
East, please listen to CM. You cannot make people take help from others when they are determined that YOU are going to give it to them. You were programmed to be the servant. You have your own health and mental challenges, and your husband as well. If your mother refuses help? It's not your responsibility. Your brother took it on. He only wants things his way. It hurts the heart, but free will is exactly that. The greatest gift and curse we were all granted.
Sharyn, hope you have great holidays and glad environment is less toxic.
Glad, hope your feet feel better. I have plantar fasci (sp) issues and need really good arch support. SAS shoes are great for me, but I have to replace the arch support every 3-4 months.
Golden, you keep beating them back! Taking care of your own health and managing the stresses of disasters.
As the dinner looms closer, the volleys begin. MIL went out to dinner and to her house yesterday with FIL on pass from facility. She was looking for nice outfit for Friday dinner to come. Oh, no, the food they ate didn't agree with her and she had to return to facility (please note MIL insists on eating foods that do not work well with her medications EVER and always thinks it will be OK THIS TIME). "Hey, SON, Perhaps we could rearrange as the restaurant might not be a good idea...we could fix food at the house..." To husband from me: how is the Parkinson's patient or the COPD guy who eats ensure by the caseload going to fix dinner...yeah, that would be a no for me to fix or bring food in to prepare, serve and clean up after. Who will clean the house that FIL has been living the bachelor life in? that would be a no to me organizing that too. FIL refuses to hire housekeeping help. Family should pitch in. (He and MIL never helped anyone else in the family at all). So, just keep your good thoughts coming. Hugs to all I've not mentioned - I think of you, really, just try to sneak posts in on breaks at work.

Going for my first post op left eye appointment today. It has healed well as far as I can tell and I do need a new lens. However, a machine at the eye place needed for fitting in the new lenses is broken so I cannot expect my glasses to be right till after the new year. Bummer. I need to be careful when driving I know, and actually see distance better without them. There were 3 highway accidents the day R drove south. Two of them involved semis on the new twinned highway. You can't fix stupid or icy road conditions - well they can be sanded.

Need to go today for a thyroid check as well. Been feeling a bit hyper.

Christmas Day I will go to dd's for a full Newfie Jiggs dinner. Her hub is a great cook. R usually visits his grands, all of them far south, but they, like he, are last minute people so he is in a tizzy not knowing what is going on. Last year the family seasonal marathon fell apart as each family had developed their own traditions. I wouldn't be surprised if that is the case again this year - all a normal progression. And if the weather is colder and snowy, as promised, travelling is not a good idea. Where he is staying they will, at least, feed him well.

Hope everyone is doing reasonably well. It can be a stressful time of year. Be cool (not cold) chill out, stay warm, and all those other good things... and look after you!

Guest - good idea about the pain, and well done for your survival. I can't imagine.
Plantar fasciitis is no fun. I have had it but with stretching, it went away. You are doing well avoiding the in law's plans.

Do you remember Lil Abner and Joe Btfsplk? Sometimes I feel like Joe, only the disasters come to me not others. I want a little boredom. Well, maybe I don't after all. "Stuff" keeps my brain cells active.

R's comment about the crazy lady was that we would know she was really crazy if she came back after the way I treated her. Someone shovelled the sidewalk in front and a little into the driveway the other day. I didn't see who. I am not sure it is over yet. The nice next door neighbour's back is too bad for her to do it.  I assure you all I am not rude normally - only when really called for.

Glad - been wondering how Ming is doing. Is she driving you nuts? Hope the weather there is not too bad. However, you have a good vehicle for driving in the snow!

Many are facing a first Christmas without a loved one. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thanks for the input and support on the Christmas situation....

New twist. Brother MIGHT be coming up. I wrote him an e-mail a couple of weeks ago, letting him know how bad mom is and hinting that it might be the last Christmas for her. He didn't really give me a straight answer till I texted him today, to let him know I put his present in the Express post. Now he says he says he has new snow tires and a tune up scheduled for Saturday, but that the highway weather is predicted to be bad next week. That's it. No date, no mention of how long.

So now I'm all up in the air again, and I'd just decided to take the advice you all gave, lol. I guess....I'll finish the tree and get something simple for the freezer. (I've never cooked a turkey in my life, I'm not gonna learn based on a "maybe.")

Might be just as well I stay with mom. BFF has decreed that the womenfolk are going to do the sitting around being lazy this year, and the menfolk (husband and 3 sons) have to make the Christmas dinner! I last saw hubby googling turkeys that were dressed to look like the creepy facehugger from the Aliens movies....

Dori lots of my Italian friends do a lasagna for Christmas.. you can but yummy frozen ones, have a bagged salad and a pumpkin pie for tradition! I wish I could get away with that.. but maybe someday!

Golden, what is a Newfi Jiggs dinner?

Pam - here it is from newfoundlandlabrador.com/trip-ideas/travel-stories/jiggs-dinner-for-beginners

"Jiggs’ Dinner – also known as “boiled” or “Sunday” dinner – is a traditional meal that consists of salt beef, turnip, cabbage, potato, carrot, pease pudding, and more often than not, some kind of dessert. Our Jiggs’ Dinner, on both sides of the family, included a turkey."

In sil's family, the turkey was included, so it works well for Christmas. He will also include sweet pickles, pickled beets and cranberry sauce. He makes gluten free, savory seasoned stuffing, and gravy to accommodate me.

Pease pudding, for the uninitiated, is a pudding or porridge of boiled, seasoned, split peas, traditionally cooked a cloth bag.

He doesn't have a particular dessert, but I usually bring ice cream and pie.

It is a fair amount of work as the water has to be drained off the salt beef periodically or it is too salty. The vegetables need to be timed so they are properly cooked when everything else is ready. He starts in the morning to be ready for supper.

It is a good feed and I go home with leftovers!

Pease pudding hot
Pease pudding cold
Pease pudding in the pot
Nine days old.


I've never knowingly eaten it, mind!

Dori - hope the day works out for you. Would be nice to get more info from bro. The oven cooks the turkey - nothing to it!!! Add stove top stuffing, make some gravy, cook some frozen veggies, open a can of cranberry sauce, (though I always make my own and it is easy) and Bob's your uncle. Cm will explain what that means. :p

cm - it is like a very thick split pea soup which has set. I think you would know if you had eaten it. I love pea soup, so I took to it naturally.

Had my post op check up and she says my vision is 20/20. I don't get a new prescription for my left eye till the Jan 29th final checkup, so between that and the broken machine, I will not have proper glasses till halfway through Feb. I am not pleased with that. She says I have dry eyes, so I got prescriptions for stuff for that. We had an interesting discussion. She was much more approachable this time. I commented on my dd's efforts with weight lifting etc and she said she was weight lifting had thought about becoming a personal trainer too, but thought she was too old, She was encouraged to hear about dd. I estimate she is in her mid 40's. Dd is 52.

I ordered Christmas flowers for mother - cymbidium orchids and red roses. Made me a bit sad as I used to send to ex mil and R's mum too. My list has dwindled and I am indulging in nostalgic moments.

Final accomplishment of the day so far, I got my TSH test done and will find out tomorrow what the results are. Moving along...

CM, My cousin's cancer started in ovaries and has spread to her spine and lungs. She goes to oncologist on Thursday for records review and first visit. She will go after Christmas to oncology pain specialist. She is feeling much better this evening and has taken it easy today. She has had regular bone scans. She is very thin and has a family history of osteoporosis and fractures. 

cm - are you aware of porridge drawers, as in Scottish kitchens? Apparently a large amount of (oatmeal) porridge was made and poured into the drawer where it set. Then slabs were cut off for breakfast or lunch on subsequent days and served with cream and a pat of butter or fried. Sis had one in a house in Aberdeen. Of course the house was cold enough that the porridge kept well.

becky - ovarian cancer is a hard one to beat, as far as I know.I am sorry about the spreading. It is good she is feeling better today.

Sharyn, Your right about therapy. It should be a safe space, honest, but NOT judgemental. My practice has never included long term talk therapy. Some of my practice is court ordered outpatient treatment for DUI's and court ordered parenting/counseling during divorces. Also some group counseling on various topics. The biggest part of my practice is I review mental health treatment plans for various private insurance companies and also for Medicare and Medicaid. I went thru six months of therapy as a requirement for my psychologist licensing. I found it helpful. I found out things about myself I didn't realize and it was good.

Golden, It is difficult to treat. Pam was born with an ovarian abnormality and could never have children. Ovarian cancer is hard to diagnose. Not many symptoms until advanced.

CM, here it is pease porridge hot.....

Glad, I didn't know that pease porridge was a real thing. Thought it was from British novels. Is it good?

I didn't know either. from what Golden said it is split peas, basically. I love pea soup. But thickened to a pudding consistency? I don't know about that.

I've made split pea soup...not sure about that thicker consistency though.

Well, there's only 3 of us, and mom hardly eats, so I probably won't attempt the turkey or lasagna, but I appreciate the tips! ;-)

There's a Canadian store called M&M Meats....they sell pre-cooked or at least pre-marinated frozen foods - lots of things cook right from frozen. They do a great pot roasts and lovely spareribs. I think I'll just pick something up and keep it in the freezer. Then if bro doesn't make it up here, I can feed it to my best guy friend (starving musician) some evening, ha ha.