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Becky, My thoughts and prayers are with Pam, and I know she so glad of the help you are giving her. Sounds like she is keeping her sence of humor too, and that is good.
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Prayers of comfort for Pam
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Pam, She has a good sense of humor and is very positive. She cooperates with everything. She says that she wants to enjoy things as much as she can. She's working on a beautiful baby quilt for one of our cousin's children. It will be my aunts first granddaughter. She has it almost ready to start hand quilting. She has always made beautiful baby quilts. All three of my grandchildren have one she made. Her friend Sue is spending the night with her so I'm headed home.

Thank you for prayers and words of comfort. Today she got a huge envelope of prayer cards and notes from her childhood parish in Cleveland. She was so thankful for that. 
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Caretaking is without a doubt a very difficult job. Sometimes it is the most important job we will have to do.For me it is finding the balance with my family and showing them how to care for elderly in a respectful manner, no matter the relationship I have with my parent. However that does not mean that it is a job we are accepting of. Sometimes it is thrust upon us due to being an only child, closer in location, or the least dysfunctional in the family. The challenge is being able to take on this job and maintain a healthy boundary with family and being able to tell others when you need help.
To answer the question about dysfunctional families....all families have dysfunction. Some members are able to walk away and hope to pick up the pieces of their own lives and families. If you happen to be the caretaker, the dysfunction will play over and over for you. I think everyone needs support. An ACOA meeting, a CODA meeting or plain old talk therapy is a good avenue.
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Coyotes!, Cougars, Bears, Rattle Snakes! Bison!, Black Flies?!!!

Do these things get close to your dwellings? I heard really cute post of raccoons and some other tye animal getting in garbage. Can you walk in your yards safely.
Dang, I guess all are caluclating when on the hunt but this crazy car driver business is off the chain.

I hope everyones year is off to a good start. I feel a little better. I have to let go of a lot of things.

I just read in this book I am reading, "The Alchemist", about the worlds greatest lie. I quote: ""It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie.""

This was an eye opener because I started going in a downward spiral as the situations in my family are evolving. I felt out of control, helpless, lost and then I started wondering if this was my fate. If it was my destiny to get blamed and lied on and misinterpreted all my life.

Im off for a few, the homeattendant may be in place this week, I havent heard anything. I will be talking to the counselor I speak with on phone and I am going to order some knob covers for stove, was doing a little investigating. dont know if they will hinder my mother but I will order and see. Hopefully they will work. Its going to be a while before I master that convection oven. I only cook when I am off and with this oven its a well thought out plan so I cook a lot less. Anyways I tend to go on and on about same.

Have a lovely beautiful first week of the year everyone!!!!! xxxxxx
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Duck, at my old house I had raccoons, really quite tame and would give them peanuts sometimes. Those babies are so cute. A family of three babies and mama once. Well, anyway I was babysitting my oldest granddaughter as a young baby. Raccoons came to visit so got a picture of me, her and a raccoon within a few feet of us. My daughter did not appreciate that pic.

Other creatures have to be careful with letting pets out. Just this last week a friend was closing on a house where she had lived for fifty years. She took her dog with her the last time to say bye to the house. Dog is a little terrier type. A coyote came by and tried to snatch the dog. The dog was injured badly, not sure of the outcome yet. I must check in with her. As of Saturday dog was released to home from ICU. All I can find out now.
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Poor dog. That's awful. We see coyotes occasionally at the lake in the summer.
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Send,
Twinkle lights to tinkle by

Sorry, I couldn't resist
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I lived in Florida on the river with my aunt, once day she was having a party on her pontoon boat and one of the people had a little dog with her; guess what a passing alligator did? We all mostly just cope with the stuff that comes with the territory, but I hated it when we had a cougar in the back field near the horses last year. Called the sheriff's office and they sent deputies and dogs; shot at the cat, and chased it several miles. Cougars are always scary, can jump people, horses, whatever, and coyotes wailing gives me the creeps.... but the worst of all here is the EXTREME weather; yeah, I know it's not Canada or Alaska, but single digit highs for 10 days and minus zeros at night? Just makes everything so darn much harder.....
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Hope the poor pup will recover

I had a raccoon in my drive on NYE - tried to chase it away by turning on my high beams - it didn't scare but i did and ran from the car to the house
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Last week we had a visitor in wee hours of the morning. It was either a large dog or a coyote, it left prints in the snow. Our subdivision is surrounded by farm land and since people tend to not let their pets run around, I’m inclined to think it was a coyote. We had them in the outskirts of town In California too. They live easily in cities and around cities.

Glad, I hope your friend’s dog is ok. Very scary stuff.

Stacey, happy to hear Charlie girl is recovering.
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PJ had group sessions at caregiver support yesterday. His group has a couple of people who have issues with dys family members who feel pushed out and excluded. This is an active, ongoing discussion for this group. One of the members said that she had to back off from them. She says she's in the house 24/7 - it's a multigenerational house that was left to a group of family members. Someone brought up the old Bonnie Rhait song - "I Can't Make You Love Me If You Don't". She said she wanted to be there for her LO, but if they and others didn't want her, she had to back off and quit trying to force them to love and accept her. This is how I felt with my Mom and brother. I couldn't make them love me. They didn't want me there except to do the work and to have someone to blame for anything negative that happened. I detached from them on an emotional level first and finally detached physically. My niece and nephew are in a bad place now, but I'm emotionally detached from them. I think they got where they are due to their own actions and I'm not responding. When people show you they don't want you, believe them and back off. My own riff on Maya Angelou - "When people show you who they are, believe them". I love her writing. Now I have to go my groups. Opposite problem. Needy LO's who want more and more. Never ending demands.
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I started the New Year with a resolution to be polite and maintain boundaries with my husband and in-laws. This is a long post, but a thought filled one for my fellow dysfuncs.
I asked hubs the other day how he and I can build a healthier relationship so that we avoid pitfalls with his parents if something else comes up that my husband needs help with to provide them help. Hubs said he didn't know what a better interaction would look like, that he could not imagine one. Things have gotten so bad between my husband and me regarding any members of his family (brother/father/mother) that "he can't make promises that he knows he doesn't keep with regards to what won't happen". So I realized that I finally have my "get out of jail free" card. My husband just told me that he really doesn't want things to change from the way they are: even if they are not the way that my husband wants, he doesn't have it in him to change and work for something different. The same response that sent my husband orbital when he asked HIS PARENTS how to have a better relationship. A test that I didn't realize that I set up, but he showed me. A weird sense of relief. I followed up by asking how husband planned to handle things should something happen with his parents that requires his assistance or his brother's and he/bro are out of town and traveling for work. "Well, I won't ask you!" Ok then. I visited his mother with him and our son at skilled nursing facility. She is complaining about how alone she is. FIL is at home for past 3 days, with pneumonia symptoms and he is on 24/7 oxygen with end stage COPD. No one called husband. We only visited her because our son said he wanted to and I suggested that we go up on husband's day off yesterday when I got off work. FIL did get out of bed to go to eye doctor for "sense of bursting pain in eye" - cataract. He didn't go to emergency room; FIL is waiting until Thursday to go to regular pulmonologist Thursday. Guess it's not that bad?!? Husband got call from his work on his personal cell phone while we were with MIL - oh, must leave and not see FIL who is at doctor's. Cataract surgery for FIL - on speaker phone husband is offering to go up for surgery without having date - I sat and said nothing. I said nothing when MIL mentioned that she and FIL needed a tax preparer familiar with Medicaid. Not My Circus. I have laminated my get out of jail free card. My husband can go be their monkey....
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Guest, Thoughtful and very accurate. Keep that card with you at all times! And use it as often as necessary...
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There are times when I remind dH to contact his mother still. But for the most part, I stay out of their lives. When I hear that her phone was disconnected, I follow up to ask if he has heard from her yet. This adds 4 days of quiet concerns for her.
Her Birthday is coming up soon, and she doesn't want a card (save the planet) (don't remember my birthday, just remember mother's day) rules, etc.
Other family has their own quirky rules about when to send cards, and when not to send cards, so I give up!
Last time, out of the blue, I mailed some money to her.
It was: "All this money! How come just out of the blue, your wife sends money....does this mean.....?"
(All sorts of imaginings, including overwhelming things like, "we're friends now?").

No, we are not friends, I never spoke to her, hubs signed his name to the card, and I am staying away from her best I can since she physically pushed me. And, I will not be sending her our money because we really need it ourselves. Best to not ever bring her up. This year, if I don't remind him anymore, she will find out it is her son's that don't want to speak to her, and NOT the daughter(s) - in-law that "prevent" their hubs from contacting her, as she believes.
Really wish I knew how to get out of this jail free!
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I think your logic is a little flawed there Send, if MIL doesn't hear from her dear sons wouldn't it just affirm her belief DILs are somehow preventing them?
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Yes, now someone understands! Trying to get in her head to understand just what my husband's mother will come up with next in her mind, has caused me untold stress in the past. Flawed logic it is, I agree!
If I don't bring her up, hubs rarely mentions her to me at all. We will go with that plan for 30 days, see how it works out. Meh?

Thanks Cwillie, I can always count on you for a reality check.
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Send, we DILs are the reason thoughtless sons EVER send cards. The blanket MIL loves? I found and so and hubs signed card. That’s it. I understand son with autism. I don’t understand hubs. Both my parents are dead, I think despite it all hubs waits for the fixer to come back. Nope. Years of therapy kicked in this year. If I care more than you about your parents welfare, that’s wrong. Peace out
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I am in the process of still trying to train everyone not to send Mom cards, (she immediately feels the dire need to reciprocate, meaning ME, because she can't anymore) and I am done with the ridiculous charade. She should not be expected to keep giving her adult children cards, presents, money, and they need to learn to quit expecting. I unfortunately enabled this behaviour in the beginning of my caregiving and it became out of control. I finally put a stop to it. Mom is not wealthy, I handle her finances now and she was having me giving out hundred dollar gift cards to everyone for every occasion for the first few years and picking and mailing cards. She has everything and every need taken care of by me, but boy am I sick of the gift/card giving. Nobody actually does a damn thing for her anyway except me. They have their "get out of jail free" cards but still expect. I don't even tell Mom it's my B-day or mention gifts in any way. Sorry, but it is really become a sore subject for me.
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Went to doctors - cataract surgery on hold until  after dental work.

Did two group sessions. Not much new - more and more demands on caregivers. No money, no money for needed supplies, etc. Misunderstandings with family members. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Wrote some referrals for individual therapy. I suspect most will get lip service and no follow thru. I know some have gone and dropped out because they didn't get validation of their behaviors. I can only hope that they get something helpful from group.
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Yeah! PEACE OUT EVERYONE!

I might try to go to Urgent Care today, see if I have pneumonia.
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Send - Checking for pneumonia might be a good thing.
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Send, I didn't realize that you were still So sick! So sorry, and YES, get yourself to the Drs! Pneumonia isn't something to fool around with!! Get better soon!
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Rainey, The leeches will never quit. My brother had the nerve to call me last year and ask when I was sending Christmas checks - NOT!
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Send, tough situation. My in-laws believed it was my responsibility to keep them in the loop if their son didn't. It was my responsibility to work 40 hours, clean, cook, laundry, groceries and yard as well as as the kids. In addition it was my responsibility to see they had a relationship with their grandchildren by me running the them over to their house. At the same time, I was not to be a family member just their sons wife. I backed out completely and left it up to my hubs. If he failed to do these things it was my fault, yet it was my fault for everything they did not approve of. Lol! I had to protect my sanity and just back out complete because I would never be in their good graces. Best of luck to you , I'm on your side.
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Thanks everyone for your support!
Another thing I like about this forum is that one can research backwards to find out facts, like it has been only 22 days since I got the cold/flu. It feels like 5 weeks! I am grateful to the paramedics for saving me the hardship of going to the E.R, being exposed and lined up along the wall to get no help.
I thought I was getting better, and I am.....But this morning coughing up caused me to vomit and I forgot to eat until 4 p.m.
A kiwi, an avocado, and honey oat bran muffin hit the Spot.
Maybe hubs will go with me tomorrow to Urgent Care, if I am not breathing better.
Boiling some lemons to add to tea.....I can do this!
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I am beside myself. Not only did I inadvertently uninstall microsoft office, but that woman and her husband came to the door. I asked them to please leave us alone, and repeated myself several times, and they persisted talking, and asked if one of the boys had done something wrong. I said that she had taken my parcels and that was a federal offense, and I did not want people coming to my house shoveling snow without me requesting it. The answer was, "Oh, we are just being helpful." Again I said please leave us alone, and he said, "Then your husband does not want the job." So I answered that he did not want it, and, as I was shutting the door, he stood outside and told me to have my husband call them. They aren't taking no for an answer.Talk about not having any boundaries. This couple is the gold standard. Aaaargh! I think I am ready to move!

This was in the middle of me trying to remove one note from my computer, and I uninstalled microsoft office by mistake, and I can't reinstall it - keep getting a error code. I guess Open Office will have to do for now till I can get Office 365 reinstalled.

All this when I have that flu and a congested chest. Chicken soup is helping. Thank goodness something is.
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Oh no, Golden. I am sure you are frustrated. Hope reinstalling 365 will be easy enough when you feel up to waiting on the phone for tech support to help out.

The woman doesn't understand that her help isn't helping, much less wanted. 
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Send, how scary - throwing up from coughing? Yikes!
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Golden, I missed something; didn't know you had the stupid flu, too... lots of us have it here, so I'll add you to the prayer list; already added Send....
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