
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Thank you for prayers and words of comfort. Today she got a huge envelope of prayer cards and notes from her childhood parish in Cleveland. She was so thankful for that.
To answer the question about dysfunctional families....all families have dysfunction. Some members are able to walk away and hope to pick up the pieces of their own lives and families. If you happen to be the caretaker, the dysfunction will play over and over for you. I think everyone needs support. An ACOA meeting, a CODA meeting or plain old talk therapy is a good avenue.
Do these things get close to your dwellings? I heard really cute post of raccoons and some other tye animal getting in garbage. Can you walk in your yards safely.
Dang, I guess all are caluclating when on the hunt but this crazy car driver business is off the chain.
I hope everyones year is off to a good start. I feel a little better. I have to let go of a lot of things.
I just read in this book I am reading, "The Alchemist", about the worlds greatest lie. I quote: ""It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie.""
This was an eye opener because I started going in a downward spiral as the situations in my family are evolving. I felt out of control, helpless, lost and then I started wondering if this was my fate. If it was my destiny to get blamed and lied on and misinterpreted all my life.
Im off for a few, the homeattendant may be in place this week, I havent heard anything. I will be talking to the counselor I speak with on phone and I am going to order some knob covers for stove, was doing a little investigating. dont know if they will hinder my mother but I will order and see. Hopefully they will work. Its going to be a while before I master that convection oven. I only cook when I am off and with this oven its a well thought out plan so I cook a lot less. Anyways I tend to go on and on about same.
Have a lovely beautiful first week of the year everyone!!!!! xxxxxx
Other creatures have to be careful with letting pets out. Just this last week a friend was closing on a house where she had lived for fifty years. She took her dog with her the last time to say bye to the house. Dog is a little terrier type. A coyote came by and tried to snatch the dog. The dog was injured badly, not sure of the outcome yet. I must check in with her. As of Saturday dog was released to home from ICU. All I can find out now.
Twinkle lights to tinkle by
Sorry, I couldn't resist
I had a raccoon in my drive on NYE - tried to chase it away by turning on my high beams - it didn't scare but i did and ran from the car to the house
Glad, I hope your friend’s dog is ok. Very scary stuff.
Stacey, happy to hear Charlie girl is recovering.
I asked hubs the other day how he and I can build a healthier relationship so that we avoid pitfalls with his parents if something else comes up that my husband needs help with to provide them help. Hubs said he didn't know what a better interaction would look like, that he could not imagine one. Things have gotten so bad between my husband and me regarding any members of his family (brother/father/mother) that "he can't make promises that he knows he doesn't keep with regards to what won't happen". So I realized that I finally have my "get out of jail free" card. My husband just told me that he really doesn't want things to change from the way they are: even if they are not the way that my husband wants, he doesn't have it in him to change and work for something different. The same response that sent my husband orbital when he asked HIS PARENTS how to have a better relationship. A test that I didn't realize that I set up, but he showed me. A weird sense of relief. I followed up by asking how husband planned to handle things should something happen with his parents that requires his assistance or his brother's and he/bro are out of town and traveling for work. "Well, I won't ask you!" Ok then. I visited his mother with him and our son at skilled nursing facility. She is complaining about how alone she is. FIL is at home for past 3 days, with pneumonia symptoms and he is on 24/7 oxygen with end stage COPD. No one called husband. We only visited her because our son said he wanted to and I suggested that we go up on husband's day off yesterday when I got off work. FIL did get out of bed to go to eye doctor for "sense of bursting pain in eye" - cataract. He didn't go to emergency room; FIL is waiting until Thursday to go to regular pulmonologist Thursday. Guess it's not that bad?!? Husband got call from his work on his personal cell phone while we were with MIL - oh, must leave and not see FIL who is at doctor's. Cataract surgery for FIL - on speaker phone husband is offering to go up for surgery without having date - I sat and said nothing. I said nothing when MIL mentioned that she and FIL needed a tax preparer familiar with Medicaid. Not My Circus. I have laminated my get out of jail free card. My husband can go be their monkey....
Her Birthday is coming up soon, and she doesn't want a card (save the planet) (don't remember my birthday, just remember mother's day) rules, etc.
Other family has their own quirky rules about when to send cards, and when not to send cards, so I give up!
Last time, out of the blue, I mailed some money to her.
It was: "All this money! How come just out of the blue, your wife sends money....does this mean.....?"
(All sorts of imaginings, including overwhelming things like, "we're friends now?").
No, we are not friends, I never spoke to her, hubs signed his name to the card, and I am staying away from her best I can since she physically pushed me. And, I will not be sending her our money because we really need it ourselves. Best to not ever bring her up. This year, if I don't remind him anymore, she will find out it is her son's that don't want to speak to her, and NOT the daughter(s) - in-law that "prevent" their hubs from contacting her, as she believes.
Really wish I knew how to get out of this jail free!
If I don't bring her up, hubs rarely mentions her to me at all. We will go with that plan for 30 days, see how it works out. Meh?
Thanks Cwillie, I can always count on you for a reality check.
Did two group sessions. Not much new - more and more demands on caregivers. No money, no money for needed supplies, etc. Misunderstandings with family members. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Wrote some referrals for individual therapy. I suspect most will get lip service and no follow thru. I know some have gone and dropped out because they didn't get validation of their behaviors. I can only hope that they get something helpful from group.
I might try to go to Urgent Care today, see if I have pneumonia.
Another thing I like about this forum is that one can research backwards to find out facts, like it has been only 22 days since I got the cold/flu. It feels like 5 weeks! I am grateful to the paramedics for saving me the hardship of going to the E.R, being exposed and lined up along the wall to get no help.
I thought I was getting better, and I am.....But this morning coughing up caused me to vomit and I forgot to eat until 4 p.m.
A kiwi, an avocado, and honey oat bran muffin hit the Spot.
Maybe hubs will go with me tomorrow to Urgent Care, if I am not breathing better.
Boiling some lemons to add to tea.....I can do this!
This was in the middle of me trying to remove one note from my computer, and I uninstalled microsoft office by mistake, and I can't reinstall it - keep getting a error code. I guess Open Office will have to do for now till I can get Office 365 reinstalled.
All this when I have that flu and a congested chest. Chicken soup is helping. Thank goodness something is.
The woman doesn't understand that her help isn't helping, much less wanted.