The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Thanks for good thoughts yesterday. Car is MUCH less damaged than dramaking husband made it out to be, but I'll take the less bad situation! Son has interviews today and Friday for work study and FIL and MIL have been updated on car accident yesterday. Their only question was whether it would be a problem for husband to help FIL go to a follow up appointment for cataract surgery. Dysfunction junction as ever. I'm just glad that I'm busy at my jobs. Peace out and love to all of you.

smesh - welcome! I am sorry about your absentee sibs. It is not rare to hear about such things on this website. Your mum must really miss them. And I know it is hard to be the only one doing the caregiving. You can't make up for them. It is what it is, unfortunately. I hope you can take some time for yourself. Looking after parents is a big job. (((((hugs))))

guest - less damage is great news. No doubt hub was freaked by the accident. Hope son does well on the interviews. Narcissism at its best! Not "I am glad you are OK," but, "Will this get in the way of you helping me?" Ugh!

Another cold day with big windchill. R has an interview tomorrow, so he will be up despite not quite being over the flu. It would be nice if he got this one. I had another call about the cottage lot, and the gal made an offer much closer to what I want. I will sit on it for a couple of days and then counter offer. I am sure it is the same gal from last spring who wanted to buy it, build a house, then sell. She would make a decent profit, especially since she is a realtor herself. Looking good - I think we can sell it this time. One more step to moving towards a place further south. The difference in temperatures between here and there is significant and the winter is about a month shorter. I could handle that after ~40 years in the north. :)

Wooo!!!! Huuuu!!! Going to do intake next week. They are working on the fee, seems it will be afordable. I am nevous with anticipation and happy at the same time, I can't wait.

Got call from my cousin on way to work. That is Sham, her cancer markers went up after two weeks of chemo (pills) This is like a fourth bout with ca for her. For some reason this time when she told me it was like a blow to my heart, it bought tears to my eyes. They last time was in august when the family except for my twisted and nephews got together at cityisland one of my sons plans to gather family before he left for korea. That time I was angry. I felt like hasnt she been through enough.I had dreamt abnout her and her oldest daughter who is 18 haveing a fight and that that daughter told me she was pregnant and due on 10/31. Turns out that it was Shams sister preganant and that was her exact due date.
I was already feeling a little down. sometimes this situation with my twisted and her son hurt my heart. I dont understand it and then I start thinking hard about the things she and my mother have done and said to me, its like I cant stop the thoughts. I pray forget but its life it happended. I wonder what force generated this ugliness between us and how. I cant fix it. Then I dont want it to beat me. Then I cant fight it because I dont even know what it is and I know its something I have to leave in God's Hands. So right now I am just in a beat myself up mode, thinking how messed up I am, rethinkiing all my bad moves and decisison and what I could have done better.'
I ran into a neighbor this am on way home. He is an x correction officer. But he was saying how you see more and more homeless sleeping in the subway. Men who hang out in front of liquor store and then see them sleeping in subway. He like its a sign of bad times. Then no sympathy, like these guys messed up their lives and now they beg and harrasss us to take care of them and get mad. Its true some do but I think of some of the stuff I have lived and boy oh boy not to mention stories I have heard in ER, things I havee seen and heard in my profession and I cant help but feel a little sympathy for some becaues I know I havent walked in there shoes and there but for the grace of God goes I. These guys have a scheme, a plan, a play that they give in begging for money. some are obvious tricks. They go from levels of whatever and any change to a dollar to by food, soap, a carepackage for their sick mother. it goes on. Then you have these kids working up these fabulous dance moves to hustle money who knows what is going on with them. But I listened to my neightbor and it was like he had no sympathy they did this to themselves and soon they would turn on us and he was ready for them. It just made me sad.
But he hit on something that a few of the wise posters threw at me. He is in classes, he said you have to have a hobby or something else to do to keep your sanity other than working and looking at tv. I have been feeding on that thought for a while. So I thought I can make this therapy a hobby till I find something. In my thinking I realized my motivation to get up when I am off is what I am going to cook, what dish can I make for us today and that is so sad. At one time I thought it was okay.

Anyways, I cannot wait for this dag on therapy to start!!!!

Golden, those temperatures you have been mentioning sound scary. You must have some awesome outwear to stay warm just to get in and out of car. It turned real cold her in NY a mere 18 and 22 degrees must be like a sauna to you. But funny thing is when I was younger we would get at leat a - 2 or -3 degreess not even mention windchill factor, and this is the coldest winter I can remeber in many years. But I'd rather do cold anytime then heat.

I wish you all rays of light love and peace.

Just a fly-by hello. Beloved kitten is very sick and overnighting at vet - no emotional energy left to even read. Big hugs to all!

I am really glad I found this place, it is a relief to me to read all of your posts and to have a place to vent as needed. i thank you all for your edification. I can tell that there are a lot of good hearted people around and that is so refreshing. I am grateful.

-40. Good grief, Golden. I'll stop moaning now.

Quick update on my neighbour, J. Dropped in on her briefly yesterday afternoon. Delighted to find her out of bed, dressed in day clothes and sitting in a chair. I'd interrupted a gathering of the whole clan: her son has arrived from Australia and is staying with her MS daughter; plus D, daughter in charge, was there too.

What is it with children when they will gladly talk to each other, to visitors, to nurses - to anyone except the mother who is the topic of conversation and is sitting right there?
But I think J is very used to it and not especially bothered.

She had had an echocardiogram earlier on, they were waiting for the report on that to finalise her discharge plan. Her care home place is reserved, it's a question of whether she needs to recuperate more first in a smaller community hospital. One thing I hadn't known about is that there is drain in her thigh as part of treatment for a chronic bone infection following hip replacement. I'd known about the infection before - goodness it was a saga - but hadn't realised it was still ongoing. There is skilled nursing available at the home D has chosen but I'm not sure if they'll be prepared to handle this on top of her cardiology needs - I assume that's what is still under discussion.

Now that she is so much better J seems to be facing up to not going home philosophically enough. She's not happy about it, why should she be, but she's not arguing either, and there've been no more alarming accusations. As long as that continues next time I'll bring up that it would be pretty lonely being stuck in the bungalow on her own - nice neighbours and good care, sure, but she's used to having someone there 24/7 and she'd hate being literally on her own in the house.

So! It's all going well, touch wood. What a fighter she is! - never to be written off :)

Dori, hope kitten is on the mend. Ming was so sick when I adopted her I wondered if she would make it and if I had done the right thing to adopt her.

What is Bruce (right?) Sick with? Is there a feline flu version? Flu cases decreasing steadily here since height in December. Someone at work has a young relative that spiked a 106 temp yesterday but was holding down some water. At what point do doc's decide to hospitalize?

CM, great news about your neighbor. Is the bone infection osteomyelitis?

CM, glad it sounds like neighbor is moving into better care and more accepting.
Dori, I'm with glad - hope kitten is ok. There are notices posted in pet stores in my area about canine influenza outbreak...
thanks again re the accident good thoughts for husband. Body shop called, neither car will be totaled. Now hubs is talking about going out to help brother clean out his shop and talk about the FIL/MIL. *just kidding - they will never talk until it's crisis and then they'll be upset it's a crisis*

duck - I am so happy you are going for intake. I hope it will be great for you. Sorry to hear about your cousin and the ca. I think the x corrections officer has a good idea. It is good to have something else to focus on when you are in a situation you can't change.

dori - so sorry your fur baby is sick. I hope he gets better very quickly They are so small and vulnerable.

smesh - people here get a lot of support. I know I have. If someone hasn't been through what you and the rest of us have been, and are going through, they don't understand. Here you will get understanding. Dysfunctional families are so stressful. You need to do some good things for you in order to survive. Caregiving is an exhausting job. (((((((hugs))))))

cm - the coldest has been about minus 56 out at the plant site. In town, occasionally, in the minus 40s, and regularly in the minus 30s. Without the wind, as it used to be, it was much more tolerable. With the wind, it is wicked and I stay inside. I am glad your lovely neighbour has a good plan for herself. She does have some serious health issues. Does that mean her house will go up for sale? What happened to her companion? I must have missed something.

glad - it is such a nasty flu. 106 temp is scary. I hope that young person will be OK. R never gets flu, but is still coughing from this one, though it doesn't slow him down from working outside.

guest - good news from the body shop. Hope your hub and the others aren't suffering physically in any way. " they will never talk until it's crisis and then they'll be upset it's a crisis" - yes, so well said, it makes me laugh. It is as plain as the noses on our faces to us. Denial is a powerful thing.

Well, talking of neighbours, guess who turned up at the door again, just hours after R got here via taxi from the bus depot, as his car is out of commission for the long drive right now. She came to the door with an envelope which had "Please Read" written on it, which I refused to accept. Then she started asking what my problem was with her, explaining that she saw my parcels on the porch, and so on. I cut her off and told her to not come on my property, repeated it several times, and finally she went away. Do you suppose that she is watching us? The first time she turned up with the parcels, she had to have been watching to see when we got back. Is it a coincidence that she turned up for the first time in weeks just hours after R got here? R was asleep downstairs, as he came up on the midnight express, and has an interview this afternoon. I don't know what is going on, but it all smells very fishy, and I doubt it is over yet. She was going to put the envelope in the mail box if I had not answered the door. Probably the next thing will be a mailed envelope as she knows my address. These people are very persistent, and totally not respectful of boundaries. They make me very uncomfortable. Prayers please if anyone does pray, for this to be over. It did not make my day.

Hey all, just a quick post in answer. Kitten has acute pancreatitis, not a flu or anything. I posted about it yesterday in the Caregivers' Cats Behaving Badly thread if you want to know more about what happened. On my way to visit him at the vet right now.

This is NOT my day!!! R went up to have a bath, and suddenly I had a shower over the stove. A drainpipe is leaking. I have cleaned up the chunks of wet drywall that he cut out over the stove, some of which are moldy, so this leak has been going on for a while. Aaaargh! It means he will need to cut a hole in the bedroom wall backing on the bathroom,also, as there never was an access panel there. Wondering what the next thing will be. Oh well! We were going to paint the house before sale, anyway. At least he is here to fix it.

Oh, sorry Golden. Not fun or a good day with intrusive neighbor too! At least it was caught before it became worse. With homes, it’s always something. Glad R is there.

Dori, sorry to hear about Bruce. I hope it’s a one time issue. Poor kitty!

Not much going on here. Hubs wants to go to McCall tomorrow to their yearly winter carnival with snow sculptures. Should be interesting.

Dori and Golden, kitty's being prayed for here; neighbor situation, too.... God bless you all!

Ugh, Golden! Leaky pipes, nothing worse. Had something similar happen to me years ago. I was sitting at the kitchen table studying for an exam. All of the sudden the ceiling started dripping. It was a newer home too!

Dori, so the kitty is still with the vet, I imagine. Poor thing, they do not understand. How do kitties contract acute pancreatitis?

Sharyn, snow sculptures and carnival sounds fun, wear your warm socks!

Guest, did hubs get sore from the accident? Is it good the car is not totaled? The last time mine was hit, it was parked. A teenager and girlfriend driving up the street, just not paying attention to what they were supposed to be paying attention to. It was a relatively new car and a 5k repair bill. Fixing cars very costly!

Hi all....sorry I haven't read yet. Just totally exhausted now. Bruce the kitten came home around 4:30. Details in the Caregivers' Cats thread. He was so happy we snuggled tight for awhile, and then we fell asleep till 10. It's 2 AM and I am just waiting for the last load of laundry.

This week has been a bust for keeping up on my schedule of chores at mom's.  I got mom to dialysis and did all the shopping and other errands.  But I didn't do the Tuesday cleaning because....I was at my apartment waiting for one of those compressed boxed mattresses to be delivered.  Which never got delivered till Wednesday (my landlord intercepted them so I didn't have to pick it up, thank goodness). I ordered it b/c my old lumpy mattress left my injury site in agony after the weekend at home.

Wednesday was a bust because of Bruce, and then I had a terrible headache and neckache all night last night and all morning today, from crying and making myself all tense and stuffy! Today was a bust - I had originally planned to do the Tuesday cleaning today, but for Bruce getting sick.  It is laundry day and I DID get all the laundry done. But I discovered mom had thrown her Depends in the wash....AFTER I ran that load. So the washer was filled with wet white pulp and I had to pull part of the washer apart and clean THAT out.  Plus I got the cat litter changed and the garbage all ready to go.  So eff the rest of the cleaning, is how I feel right now.

Is it ok if I don't fold mom's laundry tonight? I'm hoping home support will do it in the morning, and if not, mom can still manage laundry folding. Why do I feel guilty for leaving a dumb basket of clean, unfolded laundry on the dining table??? WHY?

I'm scared of someone thinking I'm lazy, I guess that's why.  I left the antibiotics box on the counter so home support would see it in the morning and know something happened, and not think I was just laying around being lazy.  Isn't that dumb?  I'm scared of being judged by home support....who are supposed to be here to HELP!

Aw glad, thanks. Hubs went to doctor to check neck and tissue. No effects, lack of warning meant no tension. Car being fixed is great! That’s the one with bigger loan balance...Son got Job!! Will be helping set up and tear down displays and AV work at university conference center. Finally getting some of the work study financial aid money for expenses. Some good this week!

Hi All, just got caugh tup on some reading here, and Wow, so many going through so Much, I'm so sorry!

Just a quick update on me, well not a whole lot going on her, my washer broke, so a new washer/dryer set is being delivered this morning. We've been active with our Grandsons quite a bit these past 2 weeks, as their Mommy has been busy setting up a new business, so that has been fun being with them!

Not a lot to report on any other home reno's, except that I bought material to recover the 10 pillows that came with my living room furniture, for that POP of color, so I'll be getting to that soo, plus another couple of craft projects too!

I'm heading out on a trip here in a couple of hours, to Laughlin Nevada with my BIL, my eldest sister was unable to go, so I jumped at the chance! It's a 4 day gambling junket, and will be super fun to get away, but the only trouble is that this BIL Never stops talking! Lol! He's quite opinionated regarding his political views, and about investing money, and he can drone on so! I love him though, he's been in my life since I was 10, and is a real character! He also looks Exactly like Tom Petty, and he gets stopped wherever he goes, it's hysterical!

I hope you all are doing well, and Wish me luck! Take Care, Stace

I was just prescribed thyroid medication by new PCP!! I've never been so hopeful to try something... !! The new PCP had cancelled my follow up appointment due to some system glitch where I wasn't assigned to her via my medical coverage. In the interim extra time, I decided that I wasn't going to try a sleep aid because I am sleeping all the time as it is, so this didn't make sense to me any longer. It seems she also had the same change of heart, because she said the same thing -- "You don't need a sleep aid, you're already sleeping too much."

She said my thyroid is "borderline" but since I have symptoms, it won't hurt to try. Oh it would be so wonderful to get some relief. I was home around 8pm last night and made a salad, got in bed, was asleep by 9, I think. I woke up around 5am but was happy to have extra time to sleep. Woke again at 9 this morning and had to drag myself from the bed to go to doctor's appointment (that I made yesterday and took emergency day off to do that and plumber is on his way to deal with some apartment issues...).

The new mattress is here and is way too firm but I do think I'm sleeping better because no backache. This is no small thing because I was taking ibuprofen daily and right now... No Backache. So even if it's not as cozy a sleeping surface as I'm used to or would think would be good, it does seem to agree with my body. And it's a firm Tempur Pedic and I keep saying "how firm can a foam mattress really be, anyway?" So it feels very weird to me to lie on but I can't debate the fact that back pain is not present even after a very long sleep. 

My employer would like me to be more consistently present at least 5 days a week and I'm struggling. They seem to get it that I'm dealing with a few things... but I need them to clear up, like, NOW... and be able to show up for a full 5-6 days each week.  I've been taking naps in the back and in the front on occasion.  I've never been a nap person.  I'm very tired lately so I'm very hopeful some medication may help.   

I received an email that the Trust had grandma's house cleaned out and it closes February 7. Feels strange, but good, the end of an era. No word on any reimbursement. I want to send an email to inquire and yet I'm tired of the whole thing. Not tired enough to pass on that money, though, so I guess I'll send the email.

...

Stacey, enjoy your trip with BIL. Looks just like Tom Petty?? I was sad when Petty passed. He was one of a few older (than me) rockers who I liked and admired.

Dori, get some rest and don't feel guilty about anything. The laundry will still be there for anyone to do, hopefully someone not named Dori. Caregiving is tough. When you have those things come along that derail everything temporarily, it's maddening (was to me, anyway). Having a sick cat makes everything that much more difficult. Not like you had all the time in the world to clean a Depends from the washer, anyway, but when the things combine, it can be nerve wracking, so just rest. There are more days like that ahead of you and as long as no one dies, all is well. Your good effort is always good enough. 

Golden, sorry about the plumbing problems.  I'm happy R is there and will fix it up.  

Happy Friday, happy weekend, all!  

Mally - thank you!

Dori - glad tiny kittie is getting better. Pancreatitis is serious. Do as little as you want to or can get away with. Let the guilt go as much as you can. It only drags you down. Lower your expectations of yourself and who cares what home support think??? I hope they realise you are getting burnt out. Trust the new mattress really helps.

sharyn - have fun at the winter carnival. There was one here a week or so ago - too cold!!!

glad - R has identified the leak as coming from drain pipes that were not properly glued together by the young men that did renos here about 10 years ago. I has been leaking sometime as evident from moldy drywall in the kitchen. Some of the things they didn't do properly are coming back to haunt us. Good to get them fixed now.

guest - so glad son got the job. Yay! Good for him!!! Hub is OK, car can be fixed -and you can have a good weekend.

stacey - have fun on your jaunt with bil - bring ear plugs lol. Sounds like your home is shaping up.

ali - lots of sleep all of a sudden!!! Borderline thyroid problems could explain a lot. When I first went on synthroid, I was considered borderline too, but I need a decent dose, and it did me a world of good. Been on it ever since. Glad the new mattress is good for your back, but I know what you mean about it feeling foreign. Hopefully that will pass. You should find you have more energy for work now that you are on thyroid meds.

Never planned to go out shopping at minus 32, but we had to get some plumbing supplies. so I took advantage of the help and got a big grocery order too, and a few other things. The temperature is rising again which is good. R wants steak for supper, so he will get it. He may have to cook it too, lol. I better get into the kitchen and get it in order again,

Have a good evening everyone!

Guest, congrats to your son! Less damages to your hubs car the better.

Ali, hoping the new med is what you need. My thyroid was low once due to pregnancy. Different from you and Golden as mine was not a lifetime issue.

Golden, I hope you get the drywall repaired quickly. I hope there is no dry rot to studs.

We didn’t go to McCall as it was snowing there ac ording to the news. Our weather is crazy, 57 today! I only hope my plants don’t start growing then get snow or a heavy frost. I think California followed us here.

Have a good night.

sharyn - I never had thyroid meds when was pregnant and never felt better. But I sure need it now. Funny how it works in different people. R says there is no dry rot, thankfully. We have a winter carnival in a week or so, but if it doesn't warm up you won't be seeing me there.

ali - when I first started in thyroid meds I noticed a benefit very quickly. I hope you do, It was a few months before I was up to normal, but I started to feel better the next few days. Hope the new job is working out well for you.

Dori - thinking of you and the kittie, and hoping you are having some good down time this weekend.

glad - more snow storms your way?? We are having them.

stacey - hope you are having fun with bil.

becky - I know this isn't an easy time. Hope you and Jay are doing OK.

guest - waiting for the next famdram?

smesh - come back and vent any time. We understand.

everyone (((((((hugs))))))

Drove down last night and we are back in E'ton - rush trip to look after some business of R's that suddenly cropped up. The plumbing is fixed and has been tested, the rotten drywall is all removed, and the wood sprayed with anti mold stuff and is drying out. The dry wall needs to be replaced, and there are a few other small patches are needed here and there, so that with be a separate job. A couple of oven functions wouldn't work, due to the moisture I guess, so I put it on self-clean to dry everything out, and it seems OK now.

Had a surprise call from one of mother's friends who is closer to my age. I updated her on mother's move and condition. She had gone to see her last year and was planning to visit her again when the weather gets better. She still drives, but doesn't go too far. The lady, C, does not have email anymore, so I said I would call her if there were any changes, which she appreciated. She said another friend of mother's asks after her. Good to know someone out there still has interest. Got the invoice for mother's most recent hearing aid replacement - over $2500 for something that has been lost already, and it gets my goat that no one takes any responsibility for it. They agree that she did not take the aids out and lose them herself. Well then, what did happen???

We brought the cold weather down here with us, so it is warmer up there than it is down here. Aaaargh!!! Take care all.

Golden, my thyroid became low after my daughter was born. I was told I would need to take thyroxine for life. Apparently they have found women can get a low thyroid from being pregnant. It sounds weird. I took thyroxine for about 13 years stopping because my thyroid tests were becoming too high. My mom had the same problem after having me.

sharyn - ah. that makes sense. For me it was good during pregnancy. I am pretty sure mine dropped after childbirth too, but no dr picked up on it. I kept water weight on that they couldn't understand. Looking back I suspect it was low thyroid. It sorted itself out until menopause, and then it went low again. It does run in families.

No one has it in our family,but I became hypothyroid when I was 22.I was SO tired and everything was so hard and my hair started falling out and the doctor tested me and that's what it was,low thyroid,so Iv'e been on Levothyroxine for years and I think it's why I never got pregnant too.

Yes, Golden, we have had a bit more snow. Started as rain yesterday, then snow overnight. Just enough rain to turn the snow on the driveway to a skating rink. It is a very long dirt drive so, no it does not get shoveled. A lot of snow I would have to find someone to plow it out. And a long row of trees on the south side of part of the driveway. It will stay icy until spring I am afraid.

I haven't had medical issues long term ever. Mom didn't either until Alzheimer's. Good viking stock, I suppose. 🐂

More snow here, too, a few inches fell today. I don't mind so much as long as it's not bitterly cold outside.

I am on first day of the new meds and a couple of friends and the pharmacist have weighed in:  I'll feel better within a few weeks, then go from there.  That's incredibly wonderful to hear when I've been so tired and out of it feeling.  

I hope the new meds can turn the corner back on some bad symptoms.  And I'm willing to work on some other things -- I def need more cardio exercise! -- if I can stop feeling like death warmed over.  

So thankful to have this wonderful group of BTDT folks to talk to about these things.  I don't know what's coming down the trail for me but I know it isn't anything new.  I have to remember to be my own advocate the way I've been for others.  

It's 41 and raining. Tomorrow 8 and snow. I see slipping and sliding on the horizon. Yuk!

We got an inch of snow today and it's going to get down to only 9 degrees tonight...ugh!

Golden is such a kind one.
Does anyone else have to speak so loud to the point of border line yelling because your loved one does not want to get a hearing aid? I am so afraid someone will think I am yelling at her should they hear me.
Anyone else forget it was super bowl today? We dont watch television so guess it was easy to forget.
I hope you all are getting through your obstacles at a rapid speed, with minimal setbacks.
Was extreme wind gusts here today, we haven't had any snow thus far. Many geese seen. We are in their migrating path and every year we get them landing in our field, sad to say they are still going south, must be more cold coming.
Went to services this morning and an older gentlemen i believe he is 89, his wife has Alzheimers, he is still taking care of her alone, god bless that man. Unfortunately he fell and hurt his arm and leg pretty bad so he wasn't able to make it today. Went by and visited hes in good spirits. But he refuses help of any kind. He wants to do til the end. And he is, with the help of God he is. We all let him know we are there for him. His daughter keeps telling him to put her in a NH, but he refuses. It a lovely story the two of them. He is quite the inspiration. He loves banana nut bread so we keep him stocked.
Had a brief time today, had to go off and cry. Not sure why just felt really sad and irrelevant.
Got through it, thank the Lord.
I am so glad you all are here.

Hi all. I am still catching up. I always think of AG as my days off evolve. That in itself is like therary to me because I sort out feeling.

Dori, I hope your baby kitt gets well soon.

Glad, How is your baby kitt with the pretty name Ming.

Country, you have such a good heart.

Guest how is your husband, hope all is well post accident.

Golden, glad you are well. Good you have keen radar and keep this woman in check she sounds like bad news.
Sharyn, you are absolutely right, your work is never done in a house.

I had a good few days off. I worked extra days and no shame in my game to say it sometimes wear me down these changes in the schedule.

I lhad the usuall. On way home I picked up some potatos and bacon with plans to get up early and fix me and my mother s nice breakfast. Along with dinner for next few days. With the stove gas off it has been a tad difficult getting my cooking game back on point. I will eventually stock freezer. Starting to get tired of having to run to store for this or that.
Well, next morining, cant find the potatoes. Now Im scared. Imagine a 5 pound back of potatoes rotting turning to mush packed aways in a bag under bags. So I started a serious hunt, checked garbage can found a book I was expecting in mail unopened . My mother doesnt throw away things, that is a major problem. I was wondering why my sister had this chessy cat look on her face. The I gt you look. I didnt get an order of boots I place when it was noed to be delivered so I thought that was it. I call the A people and they gave refund, I reordered and they gae me express delivery so when Ithe boots came I left the empty packages so twisted could see the schemes dont work. Made a nice dinner we agte good. My search for the potatoes turned up some pretty gory stuff. I am afraid to reach for bags in the cart. Found a clear store container with something turned to liquid brown and stinking. and another container with mashed potatoes and chicken that looked very very old. The search was tiresome no potatoes. Turned around and my mother gave the stinky mashed potatoe concoction to dog and he going at it. oh my goodness. now i had diarrrhea to clean up. I would thing he would knwo better. I caught it before he got most of it down.
Next day I find potatoes. My mother is not home. I assumed she went to doctor. they came in and as ususal hold this vigil around her for a few hours then eevery thing back to normal. twested goes up stairs and nephew goes about his business. The silent treatment had me going for a minute. I am only human and its insulted and hurts even if I give as I get. I had god over due bills for taxes on properties out of state and called and left nephew a text he never answered. I left them on top of fridge under the microwave (I have to move it for every use) and they were still there. So I went and told him in person. He and his m wwere sitting across from each other and he did not respond playing sleep so I walked back to look him in face and ask if he heard me. He kind grunt yeah. I think its so sad and ignorant. and I was really going in turmoil on what to do next if he was ignoring these bills because they were still there when he left. I had that dang convection on and went upstairs to get laundry and do damage control. I heard them come in and didnt go downright away. When I came down the chickken should have been ready but it was turned down. My mother was in the kitchen and in away she seemed to ask me later on why I didnt go I was home. I think there was added animosity iwth twist and son because I had already called md with my concerns about her high risk for falls and nutritional status because some days she eats well and some days she dont want anything at all. By the way, she uhmm and awed or the potatoes and bbq wings. they were good. then I hit her with the cholcolate swirl vanilla ice cream. She ate very well. Tore the leftovers up before I went to work.

so back to twist and son. Later that evening when I get up stairs I see msg from N saying he didnt get any call. (Liar/fire) silly me checked my phone. He states bills are all payed. So I am releived at the comminication. I started to text him with and input about him being under twisteds orders not to communciate at all. Its very sad. The thing is the Oldest N doesnt go for it. He knows his mother. He is working now but once was in the streets, gangs, stuff..... started when he was young. another story. His son who was 3 at the time came down and tells me how his mommy and grandmommy are talkking about me and how gram told mom not to givbe me or my mother anything for mothers day. I am sure he has been privy to enough of those types of policy updates. Sad, even a child can see wrong.

So anyway twist goes upstairs way before Nep leaves. He leaves after my mother goes to sleep. It seems like she was medicated (benadry?) becaused she doesnt quitely lay down like that. I didnt see twisted anymore. Now, when this homeattendant thing was in the air strong. They came from hospital and she saying to him they got to get through the carts. Not done. I do damage control and amazing things I find and dump. Sometimes its does something to me. I guess if she did do these things the issue with the pidtures would not have happend as she would have seen how my mother packs every thing eventhe legs of pants and arms of sweaters. So I didnt do my usuall moping and this week. Acutually its been a lot easier keep things clean or rather half way decent. The floor lasts longer accept where the dog does his business.
I layed back this week. its like I am the only throwing out garbage, chucks loaded with do and pee. Cleaning the cans and doing damage control. Its hard for me ignore the fact of that and also that my mother is back constantly knocking on the door again jarring me out of sleep, scratching my cards, looking at a series. and its constant. I dont understand why she stops at my door sometimes I tell jher to go up andask twisted for keys and to open her door

Anyways I am a nervous wreck inside. I have anxiety just to go to a doctor visit because I have to travel and walk. This is Gastro. my ex said he would come with me for endoscopy and colonoscopy I would like to know what is going on especially for my stomach, I chuck a lot of mucus I guess that drains from sinuses a wtc condition. If I have a big cry I blow loads and loads.

Then I have the therapy, Yay and scary.
Rays of love and light to all. I have a little more catching up to do.