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Cwillie,
That is an excellent point!

Gershun,
Once a Marine, always a Marine.
Once a caregiver, always a caregiver!

Your acceptance speech is long overdue.

If you could choose your award, what would it be?
Easy, we're not the helpful Honda people here, so make it cookies, chocolate, or a candy heart?

It is the thought that counts. And, prayers for you to get a good sleep. These changes in the weather are not helping anyone. The body is trying to wake up for spring, and caregivers are so used to keeping ourselves awake at all hours for the next crisis......
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The Trust Officer sent me email today, said something about a result/reimbursement being a good possibility, told me to think positive, but the Board Members who vote on this are "conservative" types. I wrote back that they couldn't possibly be more of actual conservators of my family's Trust money than I was, because the Trust was spending about $15-17k per month in the 6-8 months before my grandmother's death. That amount became $12-15k per year for the next 6 years while I handled everything, no thanks to them. 

Also, he says they're meeting this month about it.  He told me previously they were meeting last month.  It's anyone's guess what is actually happening, if anything, about this issue.  

I did ask them for money to help me with caregiving around 2012-13. I needed gas money, etc., to keep up with all the appointments but they never gave me anything.  I did it all myself without any help from them and now I feel they have nothing left to hang over my head -- my dad is safe and I am out of house, so they cannot say they're going to place my dad somewhere he doesn't want to go, or evict me, etc.  This is why this is happening now, not before.  They wouldn't give me any necessary money before and I was scared of them and what they might do.  

I hate them. *scowl*
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duck -I hope the therapy works out for you. After I broke up with ex I vented a lot to my middle son. He is a good listener. One day I heard what I was saying in a new light. and it caused an attitude shift in me which started my healing, I wish the same for you.

gershun - migraines ouch!!!

dori - good idea to get checked out as cw suggests. Caregiving is very stressful!!!

ali -Oh bummer!!!! Trust is impossible, but it isn't over til it's over, or till the fat lady sings, and she hasn't yet. Hope you are starting to have more energy!

Plus 2 C (36 F) today going down to minus 20 C (-4F) tomorrow. Freezing rain down south - crazy weather!!!

I think I have the February blues. I've gone Iris Apfel today. I'm wearing three colourful bracelets, only one necklace (thinking about putting in another) and considering getting more holes in my ears so can wear 3 sets of hoop earrings at the same time. Where does she store all her jewellery???
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Holy doodle, Ali....$17k per MONTH!??? On WHAT?

cwillie, that is a good point, and I will mention it to my doctor. I do know her well enough by now, though, that she will probably blame it on the onset of menopause. Or the probiotics, or the combination of those things. (I don't dislike my doc, but I don't really find her thorough enough....if there weren't a severe doctor shortage here, I would probably search for a different one. As it is, I am lucky to even have one at all.)

Guestshopadmin - I think probiotics are regulated as a food, so they don't have to put any kind of warning on them as it is!

Anyway, I am basing my "diagnosis" on the symptoms, which are all classic migraine. I could be wrong. I just hope I never get - whatever that was! - again! I do know the only thing I did different was start the probiotics, so I'm sure never taking them again. What a waste of money. :-(
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Oh, cross-posted with golden! *waves*
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The throwing up degree of pain coming out of the blue is not in any way menopause and I can't see it having anything to do with probiotics either. Humour me, don't downplay it and don't put this off.
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dori Waves!!! R is interviewing for job in Kelowna tomorrow. Expensive, but would be a nice change from here.

cw  apparently certain strains of bacteria trigger migraines in some people, but, caution is wise.
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cwillie - the throwing up didn't come till the young lad downstairs turned on his oven around 6 pm. It was the terrible burning stench of his dirty, greasy oven that set the nausea off. (I actually mentioned it to the landlord yesterday....the fellow is young enough that I'm not sure he knows ovens have to be cleaned!) But yes, I have been intending to make a Dr. appt. this month anyway.

golden - Kelowna is very pretty but indeed somewhat expensive. It doesn't really have a proper "downtown" either, which I find a bit odd!  However, Kelowna has major pluses, like all the best surgeons and medical care outside of Vancouver, for example - not to mention the best shopping!
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Oooh, I didn't know about the shopping!!! Great medical care is a real bonus, and the climate would be a vast improvement. Glad you are going to see your doctor, I went for years here really without one, except to renew meds, as the choice here was so bad.
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Lol, golden - it's a general shopping rule, for those of us outside the Lower Mainland, that if you can't find it where you are, go to Kelowna!
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😊😊😊
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My granddaughter started having migraines at age 4. She was taken to the pediatrician with first one. They gave her medication to take. She had three more in fairly quick succession. My son and DIL felt there had to be something else going on. They took her to a pediatric neurologist. She went thru various tests - nothing. He then questioned about her diet. Third item was yogurt. The bacteria in yogurt was the culprit. She hasn't had yogurt in five years and hasn't had a migraine since then.
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Dorianne: Way to set your mom straight! Sounds like that was just what she needed to hear! They will see how far they can push to see where the boundaries are. It's all so unnecessary. (Forgive me for chiming in, I'm a caregiver too & follow these posts regularly - misery loves company!)
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Welcome, nature73! Chime in any time.
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Golden, thanks I am looking forward. Yes I have moments where I see my statements in another light I hope these people are good at what they do becuase I am bull headed and sometimes stuff dont get in which is why it takes me so long to see stuff. Sounds like you are having very extreme weather. How's the vision treating you.

Ali hope all is well with job and you the new med is starting to shpw its colors in a good wasy.

Dorianne, Yes you and Ali and anyone else who stands up for themselves from being taken for granted deserve an award. It feels good even if its for a moment. It has always amazed me when I have this outburst from frustration to something similar my mother is quite and then on good behavior (treating me decent) for a while. I have always felt guilty afterwards but like I dropped a heavy load.

And hey speaking about 9 and ten years old. After girl scout brownie meeting we would chip in together and buy wine. And drink it and smoke cigarettes shameful but true. Marie was the leader two years older. She taught us how to dance too almost like dance school. She later would hang at studio 54 and take me with her and show me some real nice moves I came to love dancing because of how people enjoyed experessing themselves and haveing a good time at those places.
Doriane, I think its so cool that you are an entertainer and muscian it must be awesome feeling when you are on stage seeing people be moved and enjoing your music.
Hey about the migranes. Thats scary about the probiotics. I had migraines when I was a young teen until my first year with EMS. They are so painful and dibilitating. At about age 12 I thought I had a brain tumor. I wrote a letter to my parents saying I love them and how I was haveing this pain. My father past away, as were moving to new house my mother found that letter I stuck behined the mirrors behind sofa and I rushed to get it. I really did fell as though I was going to die.

Well the guy is coming to do sewer tomarrow morining. That is F the nicest man, we talk a lot he always asks me out and I have been tempted but he really isnt my type. These next days when Im off I have to attack the kitchen again. and the fridge. Every now and then I think my mother becomes lucid enought to mop the hall. I was surpriesed and happy this morning when I came in and saw the floor clean even if who ever did it didnt put the pads (chucks) down.

So I am hopeful, a little scared because it seems like when things go good something else goes haywire.
I had mild steady underwave of negativity flowing around but I am staying postive I am not falling into the grips of sadness.

I hope you all are well. Rays of love light and peace to all. With lots of smiles.
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Welcome, Nature73, and "shout out" to any other regular readers and lurkers. You are always invited to post anything and everything, and jump into this or any other threads at any time. 🙂
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Happy Valentines Day, DYS thread. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

I'm wondering whether it's correct to write "Valentines Day" or Valentine's Day." Does it need an apostrophe to show possession? Either way, have a wonderful day and I hope your respective sweeties --- including cats, kids, etc. --- show you some love.
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Hi Ali - happy day to you too. The day is named for Saint Valentine, so it 'belongs' to him. Valentine's Day! Hope you get extra tips at work in the next few days!

duck - the weather is awful - Cold (minus 13F) and feels much colder (minus 33F) and blowing snow. Eyes are about the same. Looking forward to my new glasses.

nature - hi and feel free to jump in and post any time.

Seniors caring for seniors is on my mind. I am 80 now and do I get to travel while I am still able? Should I stick around and not go far afield as long as mother is alive? R was talking about spending the winters in Mexico in the future. I would love to be out of this cold. I am leaning towards freeing myself to go, or it may never happen. Am I exhibiting poor values if I do? Mother is well cared for. I am confident of that. But, I can see a headline, "Uncaring daughter winters in Mexico, while aged mother lies alone and unvisited in nursing home."

What do you think?
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LOL Golden. I thought you were at peace with caregiving from a distance, what could possibly happen with your mother that would require your physical presence?
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Golden, I think I would give Mexico a try. You can always fly back. The cold wind off the lake is brutal, but outweighed by the peace and quiet.

I went for follow up visit this morning. No problems, other than dull headache. PJ took me out to lunch for Valentine's Day which was nice.

Everyone enjoy the day!
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cw - whatever happens there is nothing I can do that can't be cared for over the phone. PTSD prevents me from visiting often, or for long anyway. There is nothing she can do or say to hurt me now, but the years of verbal/emotional abuse have left their scars and tender places. It would be smart to make some advance funeral arrangements if we do go.

becky - yes, I can always fly back. Glad your follow up was good. I don't envy you the wind. I can tolerate cold without wind much better. R is affected more than I am, and longs for beaches and sunsets. Right now he is stuck near E'ton as some roads are like skating rinks and we have a blowing snow advisory.

ali - to help understand your symptoms you may want to google "70% of All Caregivers Over the Age of 70 Die First. Is Caregiver Syndrome a REAL Medical Diagnosis?" I believe the prolonged stress you experienced while caregiving, on top of PTSD from childhood abuse, can explain a lot.

This is the time of year that we get what I call the January blues (blahs) which stretch into February until the weather eases up (prairie madness?). It is not being stuck in the house, or in a location, but being stuck in the harsh weather. Thank God for the internet and computers.
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Since I got here to be Mom's live-in caregiver eleven months ago, I've taken four classes of eight sessions each of tai chi, anything for relaxation and for something I can count on at least most weeks to talk to people. Tonight was my last session/class I'm taking because I may go home even though Mom's going on hospice Friday.

My sisters and niece have been so horrible. A couple months ago my two sisters said they had figured out how they could care for Mom without me and I "could just go home." On Monday when I talked to Sister 1 that I needed help and more time off because of burnout, she sneered at me. Apparently Sister 1 and Niece have even gossiped how I spend my free time (in my room where it's the only place I can relax because I'm just too tired to go anywhere even if there were someplace to go. "She on her computer!") and Sister 1 sneered at that. Really? Like I can't even spend my private time without being criticized!?

Eventually we ended in a screaming match when she screeched how Mom's lawyer could change the POA from me to her. "No, he can't." "Yes, he can!" (there's NO reasoning with her.)

After she calmed down and she even apologized, I mentioned selling Mom's house and Mom and I could move in with her so there'd be two of us--"You're not coming in my house."

Back to tonight when the tai chi class was doing the cool-downs, I started bawling and couldn't stop. It hurt so bad to lose this sole activity that gave me peace.
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((((((moose))))) how horrible to be at such odds with your sis with mum going on hospice. But I understand and have had the same kind of stuff from my sis and her dd. It means they are looking for anything they can find to criticize you. Sounds like she is jealous of you as you have POA. I know my sis is. She doesn't really want to help -it is all a power play. I am sorry you are losing the tai chi. Is there anything else you can start which would give you the same relief? You need to have some breaks and time for yourself. Is there a caregivers group or another kind of group in your area where you could be with people? Take care of yourself!
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Ahhh, moose, I too KNOW how sibs can be. I cared for mom for four years. My twisteds did not realize how sick mom was until I had enough of their abuse and criticism. They even accused me of financial exploitation, nothing found of course. Old age brings out the worst in siblings, especially dysfunctional families.

I hope you are able to find another class soon that you will enjoy.
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(((((moose))))) I am sorry you are going through that with your family. Don't you just want to take your fingers and *FLICK* them right between the eyebrows and say, "Grow the eff up"? Well, I do, to your sis and niece, reading your post! If that's any consolation....and I'd totally do it for you if we lived closer. *FLICK* Don't give up your tai chi! There are lots of videos on YouTube - you can totally carry on learning by yourself, till you can get back to taking classes or connect with a group. Also sometimes, especially in the warmer months, there are tai chi groups that just meet casually in parks. There's even one here, in my little backwater city!

Duck - funny you mention that about audiences....I actually make it my mission to reach them! If they DON'T pay attention to my music, it makes me work even harder, lol! Why isn't this "F" fella your type? Curious as all heck, I can't remember the last time I got asked out!

nature73 - don't be shy, you are welcome to post here any time!

golden - I think we're damned if we do and damned if we don't - if you do it now, you'll feel guilty and maybe get some dirty looks; if you don't do it now, when will you? Plus you'll probably also be the recipient of several lectures on self-care. So you should do what you really want to do! Plus - I apologize for not knowing how aware your mom is - but you can use Google Duo or Skype to connect with your mom, even daily if you wanted to.

Well....turns out mom really isn't feeling well, and I let her skip dialysis today. So much for telling her off!!!! Lol. I think she is feeling a bit better. I made her some soup and toast, and sat with her to watch First Wives Club and Out of Africa.* Mom is currently watching the Canadian Olympic women's team vs. USA on CBC, now that I've finally retreated to my room. We're winning!

* Well, she watched, and I opened up my old Sims game and built a mock-up of my first "solo" apartment (the first one on my own, no roommates or partners). I actually dreamed about redecorating it last night, now that I can afford more than milk crates and cheap patio furniture.....and I can't ever just sit and watch TV and not do something else.....so I got the urge to give it a shot, at least in digital 3D. A nice little thing to do for me on V-Day.  Other people have boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives - I have apartments! Lol. Nothing ever compares to the beloved apartment I have now, though.  But they say you never quite get over your first love.

WOOOOO! Canada just won!
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***possible trigger warning - death imagery***

I just shook myself out of sleep....I had this dream....I was running with a friend, outside my grandfather/mother's old house in Vancouver. We were trying to make our escape from....something bad, no idea what. Trying to get to safety, anyway. This woman (supposedly my sister in the dream, but I don't have one....she had my mother's colouring, which I don't) was leaning out of a flying ship, shouting at me to come with her. I yelled "Not without A____!" The sister said, "He can't come, he's not one of us!" (Meaning not blood.) "Come with us!" she begged, arm outstretched. "I'm not leaving without him! Let him come up!" I shouted back. But she turned away from me, and the ship rose into the sky.

The house was huge in the dream, which is weird, because it was tiny in the real world. From the basement, I heard a gaggle of people all getting ready to go somewhere, talking and laughing....just the general happy, noisy chaos that comes with a huge family getting coats and boots on. I realized it was my stepfamily. (Weird again, because none of them have ever been to that house.) Then I heard my stepmother's laugh, as she said, "Don't forget to take your vitamin B, D___!" (One of her grandsons.) (She was always trying to get us to take our vitamins, or otherwise do something healthful.) I started following her voice, thrilled to hear her, so excited to see her after all this time (she died in 2013). But all these rooms! Where did they come from?

I shouted her name, "L___! L___!" Chasing after the sound of her voice.  (So many hallways!)  She was laughing and saying hello to me. Then I got close to her voice - she was still laughing - but when I rounded the next corner, I saw the voice was (apparently) coming from a black body bag, being wheeled on a stretcher around another corner, into a dark hallway. I only saw the lower half of the body bag - I stopped in my tracks and let the stretcher disappear from my view, not letting myself see any more. I shouted that I loved her and that I still missed her......but then I had to make myself wake up. I didn't want to deal with what came after that. I didn't even want to see the upper half of the body bag, where the voice was apparently coming from.

Sorry if that imagery shakes anyone. I had to get it out. I'm crying. I feel like it all means something, but it doesn't really make sense. Maybe I just want it to mean something. It was very strange.
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New/hidden rooms represent growth and change, which can be scary. (Yeah, I've looked that up for myself several times). Apparently body bags can also represent change in that your subconscious is acknowledging that something in your life is officially over, they can also be associated with putting some kind of failure behind you.
(That is a very simplistic summary, you can get more detail by googling yourself -  if you are interested)
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((((((dori))))) I have had many dreams of my childhood home, but it had many, many more rooms than our home had.

These are just my impressions. I see your mother (in the ship) as not a friendly entity, meaning not good for you, and clearly, in the dream, not accepting your current life (with friends) and wanting you to leave it to be with her and her ways.

Your stepfamily, step mother, in particular, as you have said, was a positive and loving influence in your life and maybe represents your "real" home.

I think you are at a crossroads between the two - back with mother, or forward to a life that has more love and care in it. Your friends provide some of that. Probably you have made the decision to move forward, but there is some tension in that decision. I find it significant that your stepmother was trying to get you to do things that were healthful for you. I think you have integrated her into yourself as a loving caring part of you.

It is so very emotional when we dream of lost loved ones. I dreamt of my father (my nurturing parent) many times, and often associated with a house with many rooms. I would wake up and for a split second think he was still alive.

This all is good, but emotional and draining. Be gentle with yourself today.
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Welcome moose and nature to the dysfunctional thread and aging care. Please feel free to post more. You will get lots of support here.

Dori, those dreams are scary. I hope your day is comforting.

Lazy days here, kinda in a funk. I guess winter doldrums. We have had a little snow but it melts quickly.

E is wearing a patch over his good eye for 1-2 hours a day for the next 3 months. L is wearing one in support of his brother. Though being private is probably more behind it, lol!

I’m taking hubs out for dinner tomorrow for his birthday. He deserve a nice birthday dinner.

I hope everyone gave themselves some loving pampering yesterday. Long soak in a bath with bubbles or a bath bomb.
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Thanks you guys, for the interpretations and stuff. Still kind of shaken. Every time I think of her today I cry.

I DID message my stepsis today (from the dream, she's D____'s mom). Haven't talked to her since last summer, and when I texted her over the holidays, the texts didn't go through. So now I have her new number and we are gonna get together at the end of the month. I am dying to know if D____ is supposed to take his Vitamin B, lol! But seriously, I figure at the very least, it's a message not to lose touch with the rest of my stepfamily, which could happen sooooo easily (pretty much HAS happened since I started looking after mom). Everyone is kind of scattered all over the place, except this stepsis, who just moved back here. And - I just learned - she and her hubby bought a condo about 8 minutes from my place!

Also made plans to have coffee on the weekend with one of my friends, the one who most plays the "mother" role in our friend group.

So....whatever the dream meant, the end product is me trying to regain connection with my chosen family, which is something I've been letting slide away since I started looking after my mom.

What sticks out for me in the dream is that I refused to choose "blood" over chosen family, or give them up for "blood."  And then I ran into my non-"blood" family, in the dream, in a place they've never been.  Why do people always say "blood is thicker than water"?  What a manipulative phrase.  It's like you're supposed to put your bio kin first no matter what???  Just because you share the same genetics??

I did get a nap in this afternoon, after being woken up 2 hours early this morning. This time I dreamt I was a NASA astronaut! Staying at a secret science super base in the mountains, in charge of guarding and observing some creepy, mysterious alien thing my crew and I discovered the last time we were in outer space. Lol, it was pretty entertaining, and I was thrilled to wake up knowing I was a NASA astronaut for a little while! Maybe my brain was trying to make up for the other dream.
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