The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Sharyn, at least it is telling you something.😕

So, I had to google "airing cupboard."

Sharyn - it's best to avoid trying to start or shut it down for about 48 hours. Otherwise you might steam-fry some of the circuitry.

I have killed 3 laptops with spilled water, and one with a bowl of raisin bran (earning me the nickname "Cereal Killer" for awhile), if it's any consolation. Oh, and I also dropped a sound mixing board on another. (The mixer survived, at least.)

Dori, I suspect it is too late, lol! Google says to turn the phone off immediately which I could not do with a black screen.

Just worked a 3 hour shift this morning. Deli manager had gall bladder surgery, regular opener quit so I’ve been opening the last 2 weeks. I have an appt at 11 and had requested the day off. The manager is back to work but can’t lift for a month, so I went in and made breakfast and opened the deli. The breakfast is self serve only on weekends. I’m hoping to replace my phone tomorrow. I’ve been up since 4 am and I’m sure by the time I’m done with my hair appointment, I’ll be done for the day.

It’s a beautiful day here, spring is definitely on its way. Close to 60 degrees but nights are still chilly down to 25-27 degrees. Have a good day everyone!

Enjoy the rest of your day Sharyn!

Snow day today. Not too bad in our area. More of a snow storm, not a blizzard. I'm not fond of snow days. It means the school schedule is extended another day into the summer, bleh. Paras don't get paid for snow days or any school vacation time, we actually don't have paid vacation at all, it's mandatory time off without pay. Pay is based on a fixed number of days a year, at a fixed hourly rate. Same for teachers but they get paid at a much higher rate. Anyway, it is what it is. I'm going to make the best of being home. Today I want to practice crocheting. I could not get the hang of knitting but crochet looks promising :) I might also make a big pot of chicken soup, I can bring some to M+D on Sat.

Hope you all are doing well!

It keeps snowing and snowing. Weather Service says two more days. We're going to have to have the snow haulers again - third time this season.

Ugh! Two more days, I sympathize Becky. I think ours is ending later tonight. I hope so! So far no power outages that I have heard about. That's a blessing.

We don't get any more till next week, but it is piled high in the front and back yard. The front faces north and it doesn't completely melt there till mid April. Temps are above freezing on the whole which is great.

dori - hope things are working better with more help for you. Look after your back while lifting!

sharyn - the pits about your cell phone.

trying - good to see you back. I understand about needing a week to detox.

Becky - I saw somewhere you are teaching again Yay! When I retired at 73, it took me about 6 years to adjust. I had worked all my adult life.

Glad - building a new place is exciting! Do you have the lot chosen? bought?

everyone - check in and let us know how you are

I have not been sleeping well, so am going back to sleep after R leaves around 6 in the morning -It is a totally new routine and taking some adjustments. It means I am lucky if I am fully woken up by noon.

The NH had a flu outbreak, so I had to OK a 10 day course of Tamiflu for mother. I haven't heard that she got it. She hasn't had flu in years.

Still waiting for both my lenses to come in to the eye place. I have had several calls about the right one , but no one seems to know anything about the left one, I am beginning to wonder if they ordered it or if they are there, but in different places.

Love my new copper pot and have used it several times. The wok is very large which will be great for all the veggies you add to a stir fry. I think I can use it for braised red cabbage also, as the cabbage is usually too big for any pot/pan I have used.

Take care all and have a good day!

Thanks Golden. It's good to be here. I hope your Mom dodges the flu and I hope your lenses both come in. ...and so true, Woks Rock :) !

Trying, enjoy the time off and remember, if you are like me, those hot summer days you will be yearning for a good snow storm!

Golden, yes, have a contract on a lot, house plan chosen, contractor lined up. Should be under way by early April. Exciting and absolutely terrifying. It will be great, last home I owned was built in 1896, it was always something to get done or fixed. A new home will be wonderful, planned for south facing driveway.😊

How is that phone, Sharyn?

Golden, I go back to teaching 3/19. Last Thursday and Friday I checked on my classes before they went on spring break. They've moved my classes and my office to the first floor so that I could come back.

Trying, Snow here has been bad. Our backyard has mountains of snow from the driveway. Haulers are coming next Monday to haul it off to the snow dump. Hope yours has stopped.

Hey all, just popping in for a few minutes, will catch up on reading after I write. Just menopause, waking me up again.

Been kind of up to High Do around here the last couple of days. Mom's been sick - threw up in the car yesterday. And her hospital bed arrived yesterday, too - had to get rid of the old one and clean out the room first, all while she was out. Ciggie burns in the rug, good thing this is not a rental!  Then catching up today on the other chores I didn't do yesterday, fitting them around my respite break and best guy friend coming over for dinner. 

This delusion mom has had about being kidnapped by the telephone company....it seems to be persisting, but only for a few hours after dialysis. I guess dialysis is really starting to make her loopy, but she doesn't seem troubled by the delusion, or hallucination, or whatever she is experiencing.

I can't really get the whole story out of her, but I THINK she believes she's been transported somewhere far away, as she is always amazed that we are right back in town when she exits the hospital. And also the "girls" at the phone company are out on strike ("Good for them!" she says - ever the union woman), which is somehow connected. And she is constantly asking how we (me and the nurses, I think) "pulled it off," like it was a surprise party that actually caught her by surprise. I'd love to know what's going on in her head!

The phone company isn't on strike by the way. But I'm learning to go along with whatever she says. Yesterday I even started singing "Solidarity Forever" in the car on the way home, and she totally joined in! I should see if I can find a copy of Norma Rae for us to watch.

Hope you've all had a good night. I said I'd catch up, but I'm feeling dopey again....think I might try to catch a couple more hours myself....

Good morning,

Becky, I hope your results today show nothing too serious.

Dori, how is the extra home health working out for you?

Golden, good to hear your mom has not gotten the flu. For many, getting over it has been a real problem.

Glad, getting a new home is exciting. I love our new home, no hidden problems to contend with like our old one. It seemed whenever I tried to redo something, there was a bigger problem found.

Trying, I think we are done with snow here for the year. Raining today, highs are in the 50’s and something’s the 60’s.

Replaced my phone over the weekend. Today I open again but close Thursday and Friday. I will need to stay busy after work so I stay awake later, or I will have to take a nap.

We found a restaurant for fish and chips. It is a restaurant that is better than fast food but not as expensive a Red Lobster. We will go back again, it was very good.

Hi Sharyn! Just caught your post after mine before I closed out. Yay for the new phone! The extra help is amazing - 2x a day every day (dinner and bedtime), plus the morning shift on dialysis days, plus my 2 respite blocks. I wish we'd been able to access that level of support sooner. Not that mom would have accepted it! But she is sick enough to let them help her now, and the stress load off me is huge. She keeps asking me who's paying for it, how is it free. I don't want her to know it's palliative care, so I just say I needed the extra help so I asked for it, it's covered by BC health care, and the medical equipment is supplied under the workers' occupational health and safety rules!  None of that is a lie, either.

Dori, we must have posted at the same time. I’m happy to hear the extra help is helping you, less stress and able to have a life again! I so wish USA had the health care system Canada has. It is so awesome!!

Closing on lot and water tap the end of the month. Contractor will get a construction loan to build. YIKES! Water taps here are astronomical, but not so bad as surrounding areas that are up to 50K. And I am getting it before the next price increase coming in the next week. Tap is reserved at current price.

Glad, So exciting to hear about your building plans and how they are progressing. Enjoy every minute of the planning and picking out finishes, etc.

Yikes! Never did this from the ground up before. It will be fun when I get over the initial panic.

Just did not make sense to buy a built house. Same money would have bought a 70's era home that has not been maintained or updated. Then another 100k or more to get the home where I would want it. Sooooo, here I go.

Soooooooooo, speaking of dysfunctional families....I finally wrote to my brother this morning (e-mail) and told him mom was on palliative care. It turned out well! I'm a little surprised.

Basically I just laid all the facts out - mom's condition, what the doctors say, what the palliative program is and means, what home support is providing, what hospice care will look like, etc. - basically all the decisions I've made without him! - and tried not to be pushy about it when I suggested if he wants to visit, now is the time.

Among the other things he wrote back, he said (it took me till the tenth time reading this before I started to well up, like it was unreal or something), "I should let you know I think you're doing an amazing job & that the decisions you are making are definitely the right ones. Mom knew what she was doing when she moved close to you, we all have our strengths & your abilities in this situation far exceed mine." I never thought I'd hear him say that!

He says he is planning to come up at Easter, roads permitting. Which is what I was hoping he'd say.

I feel like throwing confetti in the air. I don't know what I expected, really, but I feel like it's a huge breakthrough in our relationship....and that I've actually been judged as capable and competent, for the first time in my life, by the harshest critic I've ever known. Hence the confetti, even at a time like this.

Dori, wonderful to receive that acknowledgment from your bro. It doesn't sound like he held anything back about what he is feeling. I certainly understand what you are feeling. If one of the twisteds had said anything similar to me I would have been floored. Never delete that email and re-read it whenever you need to. He recognizes your efforts and competency in caring for your mom.

Trust Officer says he's presenting my receipts, my "case" as it were, to the deciding committee tonight. Either way, I should get an answer, and can proceed from there. I hope they approve reimbursement, of course, because that ends the issue. I'll worry about what happens next if they don't approve when/if I get that news.

Really... no matter what their choice is here in this matter, I do feel that it would be morally right to contact the local probate watchdog groups and just add my story to theirs. This is not first time this Trust has been accused of inappropriate and hurtful actions against individuals and families. I don't know, though. I'm doing ok in my new life, staying busy with work, still have some big health hurdles to try to get past... I'm in no place to be taking on the stress of revisiting any of that... but I also feel my grandmother deserves a voice, deserves that I put it on record about what happened to her using her own money.

The more time that passes, the more I think to just let it all go. Certainly feels better to just not think about it. The effects of the stress on me are all but done. I'm so, so glad.

Ali, I hope it all goes your way and that you get an affirmative outcome.

Dori, it is awesome your brother recognizes all you have done and are presently doing for your mom! I agree with Glad, keep the email!!

Dori, it is great that your brother recognizes all of your hard work taking care of your mother. Frame that email!

Ali - it sounds like maybe that's why they drag things on so long, so that people will get exhausted and give up! Sounds frustrating. I hope you get a settlement soon.

Becky, Sharyn and glad - I definitely won't delete that! It's possibly the nicest thing my brother has ever said to me. And he was pretty hurt when mom decided to move here, so this is an extra big leap for him.

They approved most of the reimbursement amount. They cut out a few thousand due to something-something "illegible or unclear" receipts.

This could be it if I'll let it be. I think I will. I'm done. Time to move on. I'm finding more strength and simple joy every day right now. My fitness trainer comes in morning a few times a week, I'm slowly going to get stronger, the landlord replaced valve in radiator that banged so I'm hoping I won't be waking up several times a night. Things could really start to even out into a Normal Life pattern for me, and I'm already on that path, just need to continue. I need that to happen. So then... it's over. I'll always have regrets for my grandmother and what she dealt with, I'll always know it was unfair and unjust how her money caused so many problems for her and her family... but it's done and over and I can't change any of it.

Alison,

Well that's super good news to hear from you, that finally a trust appears to be getting sorted out? I sure hope so, as its been a long time coming for you. It sounds as if lots of things have changed for the good in your life, which you deserve. Sometimes we do have to look at the bigger picture in it all, and maybe for you it would be beneficial to let it go. Hey....of course that is entirely up to you. Anyway you sound good.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Hi Everyone,

It's been awhile since I've posted. I hope many of you who I've known here for several years are doing well.

Well a lot has happened in my life since a couple months ago. Remember I once posted about a sweet lady neighbor, I used to help out, as her family was completely unconcerned about her, passed away during November. Poor darling she had a variety of ailments, cancer survivor, but that came back. I really miss her, since she lived right next door and I'd been friends with her about 10 yrs. now.

I'm still working part time doing inspections of acupuncture clinics, which thank the cosmos, the main office has been calling me more as of late. Then back in October, a lady I know who has an autistic grown adult son, 23 yrs., old asked whether I'd be interested in becoming his provider. So I started that process, the application, then nowadays one needs to be fingerprinted, pass a background check, etc. Well that whole process took like two months to actually complete, the bureaucracy for this IHSS is so convoluted and slow, WOW!! Anyway, finally I started to work some hours w/this woman and her son. She has a ton of problems all having to do w/waiting on her deceased mother's trust. The mother died a year ago. The lady's two older sisters are in charge of the trust & giving this woman (their youngest sister) a horrible time, putting all the obstacles out front so that she can get her money. Of course this affects the way she operates, as she is depressed.

As it relates to me......I'm supposed to help her out w/errands and some light cleaning around her apartment. Now, of course there are other chores CG's can do like laundry, meal prep etc. However, given that this involves an autistic young man, she prefers to do those chores for the son, which I'm o.k., with. However, this means there's actually less things for me to do as a CG. Anyway, then this lady isn't very assertive, nor organized. I literally had to be the one contacting her to ask her what she had for me to do, and when to go to her house etc. Her kitchen for example was a complete mess. She is one of these people who lets the dishes pile up in the kitchen.
So I finally told her, "Well, you have dishes in your sink, I can do that." O.K., so finally I had something constructive to do, and be able to rack up some hours. Another time,
she mentioned I clean her fridge. So another day I spent about 4 hrs. doing that. Anyway, it was becoming completely frustrating for me, since it has become like I have to push the issue of hours worked, since DPSS gives them 44 hrs. p/mo. By week #3 having to work with someone like this, I was becoming completely frustrated about this. Well at the end of the month she now informs me that her son got booted off of Medi-Cal. Now to receive IHSS, one needs to be inscribed in Medi-Cal. So I basically charged for my hours worked during January. At this point I'm not so sure I'll be able to continue to work for this particular client. She almost behaves as if my working for her isn't that necessary, if you really ask me. Rather weird, since she's the one who asked me to become their provider. Anyway, she's trying to get the Medi-Cal going again, and we'll see.

Other than that mother is still with us, thank the cosmos! She went to the doctor a week ago, and my sis says they informed her that for a 96 yr. old she's doing pretty good, the vitals are in good shape.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Margeaux, so good to hear from you! Sounds like everything is going well.

Ali! Terrific, about time.

And you all may remember the fraud of a contractor depositing a check that was made to me AND them for mitigation work after the fire. Well the first check I hung onto trying to get them to cover cost of broken items. They would not tell me their insurance carrier for a liability claim. The first check went stale. Insurance company reissued it then mailed to the company instead of me. Company wanted me to come by the office to endorse. Again, I told them sure once I was told how to file a claim for broken items. Then did not hear anything until asking the agent if that check made out to me AND them had cleared. It had. That was about a year and a half ago. I worked with insurance company to try to get them to process a claim on the bank for a forged check. It finally happened. I received notification from the mitigation company that if I do not pay that Bill they will turn me in to collections.

I now will contact the sheriff to report the forgery and see what they have to say about that. Part of me just wants this to go away. But, the owner of the company is a complete a##!