
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
I'm glad that it sounds like your Mom is happy where she's at overall & has gained weight (also glad to hear that you & sis are learning the art of comprimise, & figuring out that sometimes worrying about "insigificant" things like the clock is sometimes avoidance of admiting scarier problems. Pantsuits when she is there, whatever she is already wearing when you are there--cool.
For Midget - . they do have pet doors that fasten in the frame of sliding glass doors, then the door just slides against it (top glass/plastic, bottom flap). Could solve the "lock-out" problem.
Incontinent does NOT mean dementia, so I'm kind of puzzled that those two are being linked.
It DOES sounds like your Mom may need a bit more care than she's getting (and NOT getting what was promised -- is your Mom being billed extra for doggie care?). "Cueing" for a bath is not the same as "assisting" or "making sure" she gets a bath. Is she getting meds for sure, or are they just "cueing" for those as well? Meals?
I think sometimes families and facilities may overestimate senior's abilities Families might be overly optimistic or don't realize how much they are already doing for their senior, facilities have only the family's opinion to go on & might be incined to err on the low side to "get 'em in the door".
They do make doggie igloos for small dogs -- they are cute, waterproof, and make a nice little den for small dogs. combined with the doggie flap door, and the pee patch Midget could have a nice life, and settle down happily. To bad there isn't someone around there (another resident, mentally together) who could take on the task of dog-walking.
ps -- If the grass patch isn't working "Puppy pads" are fast and easy to toss - 3 second clean-up. Midget is already peeing indoors out of desperation, so it may be pretty easy to train her.
Thanks so much for the hug.
I am trying to come to grips with this SIL and boundaries. I have never ever in their 24 yr. marriage had any kind of fight, or words with her. Her comments as I've said are constant putting my brother down, in a very personal way. If this is considered venting, then I don't want to hear this from her. I feel that by saying this kind of thing about my brother she's like a hair away, then from someone like me his eldest sister to start having an opinion and I'd just rather not go there. But this can only happen if she keeps her trap shut. If I tell her and I will when the time is right in a polite as possible manner that I do not want to hear any of this anymore. She is opening herself up to criticism for my way of thinking. Besides, what makes her think it is okay, to do this? By saying this to her, I'm creating the boundary, from her constant complaints. Right now, it's pointing too much in the direction of non-support towards her own husband because he lost his job two weeks ago. He's having a hard time with this already, so this isn't the time to try to do in his self esteem. This too has been the problem with her for too long,
someone not putting her in her place. But thank you for the ideas. Margeaux
When my SILs used to complain about my brothers, I told them the truth with a very serious face, "You knew how he was before you married him." That usually stops the complaining. I may be the neutral one in the family but my mouth can be very straightforward when pushed.
I have talked to people who know about this. I'm hearing more and more, with this kind of a sneaky person (SIL) she's a narcissist. So she camoflages any and all negative remarks about our brother, when done in the presence of the family.. I've been advised that with this kind of a person, one has to stop them dead in their tracks. So this means that I really should wait until she's making a statement, and then tell her, but not tell her off. One doesn't have to lose their cool to be assertive.
Besides, I think this deflects from the real message anyone is trying to send.
Thank you again, though because your last paragraph, this is something of the sort of what I intend to say.
But how are you doing these days, with your dad?
I hope all is well. Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I have been feeling down because my hubby's family also had a function today for my fil's 80th birthday. I was going to go from 2-3 but hubby said no, just go to the memorial at 3. I know that going from 2-3 would be the same as slighting my fil but I really wanted to go and we had not heard about anything for "C" because there was the problem between my sil and her dil. Have a good night all!!
Last night when sis and I went back to mom's apartment, the med tech came up to give mom her meds for the night. Mom always questions them what they are giving her and why, the med tech told mom the medicine was Namenda and risperidone. I was shocked because we were not informed as we have DPOA so why is mom being given this and why??? I have to make appt. tomorrow for mom and will discuss this with her dr.
If you can, get the vaccine.
That is strange, the fact that the med tech is the one told your mom, and you she's on a couple of medications you had no knowledge of. Yes, check this out with her doctor.
Oh, your poor mother, Shingles! My brother had this that same month prior to he ending up dehydrated, and in the ER a few weeks back. I looked it up, at that time and found out there is a window time frame where people can take some meds for it. Well, she sounds as if she's in a good place at least where she doesn't have to worry about care. Possibly the move there cause some stress.
My brother apparently wasn't taking care of the Shingles. But I saw him on Mother's Day, and forgot to ask him.
Hope your mom doesn't feel too much pain, and try not to stress yourself out too much about this. You've been doing a lot in the situation.
You're in my thoughts! Much Love & Light! Margeaux
You (and your mum) are having all kinds of adjustments to deal with. I am surprised that they are giving meds to your mum without your knowledge -definitely needs a follow-up. Hope Midget is adjusting too.
Glad you are working things through with your sis
Very sorry to hear about your nephew. So much going on all at once,
Take care ((((((hugs)))) Joan
After lunch, mom and me went up to her apartment so she could shower, wash her hair. I put clean clothes out on her bed and was looking for the shampoo....I turn around and mom put the clean clothes away. I explain to her again about taking a shower, washing her hair, clean clothes. I put everything out again, looking for shampoo still. Midget runs into the living room with mom's clean socks...I get them back, mom has put all the clean clothes away again....I find the shampoo, put the clean clothes in the bathroom, start the shower. I tell mom to go in the bathroom, undress and let me know when she has her hair wet and I will hand her the shampoo. She pulls a fast one one and locks the door, LOL!!! I get a butter knife from the kitchen to unlock the door asking her if she is ready for the shampoo...she says, I am washing my hair with this, handing me liquid hand soap,SMH!!!(shaking my head), I give her the body wash telling her to use this to wash her body. By the time I was done, I was so exhausted. I told my husband it was like an Abbott and Costello routine of "Who's On First." He was laughing so hard by the time I finished telling him what happened...I don't know who was causing me more trouble....the dog or my mom, LOL!!!