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SharynMarie,
I'm glad that it sounds like your Mom is happy where she's at overall & has gained weight (also glad to hear that you & sis are learning the art of comprimise, & figuring out that sometimes worrying about "insigificant" things like the clock is sometimes avoidance of admiting scarier problems. Pantsuits when she is there, whatever she is already wearing when you are there--cool.
For Midget - . they do have pet doors that fasten in the frame of sliding glass doors, then the door just slides against it (top glass/plastic, bottom flap). Could solve the "lock-out" problem.
Incontinent does NOT mean dementia, so I'm kind of puzzled that those two are being linked.
It DOES sounds like your Mom may need a bit more care than she's getting (and NOT getting what was promised -- is your Mom being billed extra for doggie care?). "Cueing" for a bath is not the same as "assisting" or "making sure" she gets a bath. Is she getting meds for sure, or are they just "cueing" for those as well? Meals?
I think sometimes families and facilities may overestimate senior's abilities Families might be overly optimistic or don't realize how much they are already doing for their senior, facilities have only the family's opinion to go on & might be incined to err on the low side to "get 'em in the door".

They do make doggie igloos for small dogs -- they are cute, waterproof, and make a nice little den for small dogs. combined with the doggie flap door, and the pee patch Midget could have a nice life, and settle down happily. To bad there isn't someone around there (another resident, mentally together) who could take on the task of dog-walking.

ps -- If the grass patch isn't working "Puppy pads" are fast and easy to toss - 3 second clean-up. Midget is already peeing indoors out of desperation, so it may be pretty easy to train her.
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Horserider~The community and a nurse from mom's LTC policy evaluated my mom as being able to live in assisted living because she is still somewhat independent. Mom has Alzheimer's and is mentally incapacitated. The aides are doing what they have been advised to do according to mom's care plan. We do have to make adjustments to her care plan. They are suppose to walk her every 2 hours, whether they actually are, I don't know, however, they said my mom could have the dog there as long as she was able to take of it...read between the lines is my thoughts. Thank you for suggesting the doggie door attachment to the sliding glass door, that will be the next thing I buy. I do not believe they are neglecting my mom because they are to give mom reminders and when she lived at home, that is all I had to do. Now that she is in a different environment, a reminder is probably not going to be enough...part of it is because mom never took showers, she only took baths...that is what she raised doing and she never would change. Really, all we have to do when we have the review coming up soon, is tell them that they will have to assist her showering....hand her the shampoo, then conditioner, them the shower gel, they won't have to actually bathe her. I expected mom the decline some when we moved her and apparently she has. My sis said mom told her she wet her pants because she forgot. Incontinence may be beginning but she is not wetting the bed. And Yes, I am glad sis and are able to respect each other's differences which I admit I was not respecting her need to have a replica of mom's house in the apartment. I will be more careful of sis's need that mom looks dressed up, but like I said, I am not going to change her to a pantsuit when I dine with mom. We like working together because sis will bring up things I don't about and visa versa so we both feel that working together is giving mom the best care possible. I am more causal and sis is more formal in following some things like not wearing white after labor day. Today I bought a Kong chew that I can freeze with treats so Midget has to work to get the treats, a couple other things plus a hormone spray to encourage her to use the patch. I am thinking because poodles are high strung, that she is having some anxiety because she has never been left alone for hours that may be contributing to her peeing in the apartment. Thank you for the idea of the doggie door...keep the suggestions coming, I hate for mom to lose the dog since she is a life line for my mom...it would just devastate her to lose her Midget. Hugs!!
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Sharyn, Yes we see things differently. According to her, she is right, I am wrong, wrong, wrong. According to her, I am wrong about everything. She won't listen to reason, and is always right. She has POA and it has gone to her head. I am wrong about our mother and everything else. I married the wrong man, I shouldn't be going to AA, I am the wrong religion, I live in the wrong neighborhood, my kids are wrong, my decisions are wrong, my approach to life is wrong, my hair is wrong, my friends are wrong, according to her. So yes a dysfunctional person is she.
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Brandywine~It sounds like your sister has a personality disorder. I would set boundaries around your relationship by determining what you will and will accept from her about her comments regarding your life. Stick to the boundaries, limit contact with her. Just email her, I don't know your mom's situation such as does she live with your sister? Will your sister allow you to visit and take mom out of the house so can have one to one time with her? Is she in a facility? If so, as long as sis is not preventing you from visiting, then go visit when your sister is not there. I did that with my dad when he was in a NH because I didn't want to be there when mom was there, the visit became all about mom not dad. Are you concerned with how your sister is taking care of your mom? Please come back and share, I know this is a lot a questions to ask of you but I am trying to get a clear picture of what is going on. My sister and I got into an arguing match on the phone the other night and I realized that in my case, I was not respecting how my sister was dealing emotionally with the situation with my mom. We were able to work it out. I know you have been having ongoing problems with your sis but I am not knowledgeable about the situation enough to have a clear idea what all is going on. Hugs to you!!
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horserider~we had to put down a $250 deposit on the dog, probably a cleaning deposit.
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Bookluvr,

Thanks so much for the hug.
I am trying to come to grips with this SIL and boundaries. I have never ever in their 24 yr. marriage had any kind of fight, or words with her. Her comments as I've said are constant putting my brother down, in a very personal way. If this is considered venting, then I don't want to hear this from her. I feel that by saying this kind of thing about my brother she's like a hair away, then from someone like me his eldest sister to start having an opinion and I'd just rather not go there. But this can only happen if she keeps her trap shut. If I tell her and I will when the time is right in a polite as possible manner that I do not want to hear any of this anymore. She is opening herself up to criticism for my way of thinking. Besides, what makes her think it is okay, to do this? By saying this to her, I'm creating the boundary, from her constant complaints. Right now, it's pointing too much in the direction of non-support towards her own husband because he lost his job two weeks ago. He's having a hard time with this already, so this isn't the time to try to do in his self esteem. This too has been the problem with her for too long,
someone not putting her in her place. But thank you for the ideas. Margeaux
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Sharyn, Mom is in a NH,150 miles away from me. She has POA and takes good care of Mom. She goes there a lot. I am disabled and not able to go there to see Mom a lot. My husband has dementia as well as Mom. They are both a handful. Honestly I think sis has it too.
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Brandy~This paints a different picture than what I was thinking. Here you are taking care of your husband with dementia while your mother has dementia and is in a facility. You can't go to see your mother like you would like to because of your disability and your husbands care. How hard this must be for you being pulled in two directions and sister is criticizing your life. Does she expect you to help her more or be there more for your mom? My heart breaks for you as this must be very hard on you emotionally. Hugs to you!!
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Margeaux, you can set limits..even if it's on the phone. But, it's best to do it when in person and between the two of you. Or with brother there - but he may not like it. I don't know your brother enough to have an idea. I do know that if I mentioned this in front of my brothers they will automatically defend their wife. But if you politely tell off your SIL, she might give a slanted version of what you said to your brother. But, I definitely would Not say anything with sis around. You will be opening a door, and sis will gladly fling it open as "open season" to get stuff off her chest.

When my SILs used to complain about my brothers, I told them the truth with a very serious face, "You knew how he was before you married him." That usually stops the complaining. I may be the neutral one in the family but my mouth can be very straightforward when pushed.
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Bookluvr,

I have talked to people who know about this. I'm hearing more and more, with this kind of a sneaky person (SIL) she's a narcissist. So she camoflages any and all negative remarks about our brother, when done in the presence of the family.. I've been advised that with this kind of a person, one has to stop them dead in their tracks. So this means that I really should wait until she's making a statement, and then tell her, but not tell her off. One doesn't have to lose their cool to be assertive.
Besides, I think this deflects from the real message anyone is trying to send.

Thank you again, though because your last paragraph, this is something of the sort of what I intend to say.

But how are you doing these days, with your dad?
I hope all is well. Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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I'm fine Margeaux. We still clashing. I keep forgetting to do the Teepa way with him. Doesn't help when he keeps muttering and muttering. And then when I ask him what, he complains. But atleast it stops the muttering. He's getting lazier. Either that, or his gaining weight is making it difficult for him to do things like before.
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Today was busy...had lunch with mom but I went early so I get mom a shower, wash her hair. Sis met us at the community. We visited with her, walked the dog and left around 2:30 to go the "C's" memorial service. It was an open house gathering since sil's family is not religious. He is being cremated not until the 21st because the crematory is down for repairs. Apparently, sil had a struggle getting "C's" wife to agree to the memorial because "C" did not want it, but sil felt it was not fair for family and friends to not be able to memorialize him. Family members wrote a memorial and they were placed around on all the tables and guest were encouraged to share their memories of "C". Each table had a centerpiece that represented what "C" loved to spend time doing. The things he enjoyed involved activities with he shared with the family. It was very nice how my sil arranged it. After the memorial, sis and I went to mom's house, picked up a few things to take over to mom's apartment including some tweezers, so I plucked mom's chin as it was looking like a rainforest, LOL!!!
I have been feeling down because my hubby's family also had a function today for my fil's 80th birthday. I was going to go from 2-3 but hubby said no, just go to the memorial at 3. I know that going from 2-3 would be the same as slighting my fil but I really wanted to go and we had not heard about anything for "C" because there was the problem between my sil and her dil. Have a good night all!!
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Oh, I forget to tell you all a funny moment with mom today...after bathing, I blow dried her hair, asking her how do you like it? She said I like it, but I don't like how grey my hair is, it was never this grey before!! LOL!!
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Shary I have seen Freddie the dog whose owner lives across the hall from my firend to be a friend magnet-I do not know the ladies name but everyone knows Freddie and he get much love even from the residents who are confused at times-when his owner is away everyone misses Freddie.
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Austin~Yes, Midget gets lots of attention, only she is not allowed to stay in the memory care unit all day. I have taken her in there to share with other residents, mom loves it when Midget gets attention too. They have a resident dog named Leo...he is a big dog and much older. I really believe they are doing everything they can so the situation is workable.

Last night when sis and I went back to mom's apartment, the med tech came up to give mom her meds for the night. Mom always questions them what they are giving her and why, the med tech told mom the medicine was Namenda and risperidone. I was shocked because we were not informed as we have DPOA so why is mom being given this and why??? I have to make appt. tomorrow for mom and will discuss this with her dr.
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mom has shingles, but too late to give medicine since it's past 72 hours...thought it was a cold sore on her chin. Dr. said she is not taking risperidone so maybe I misunderstood but will be listening and watching closely.
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FYI: Medicare will cover the shingles vaccine. I'm holding out for one more year so I won't have to pay the $200.00 plus cost for it. If I end up with it before the year is over, kick me for being a tight wad. Never mind, I'll kick myself.

If you can, get the vaccine.
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Sharynmarie,

That is strange, the fact that the med tech is the one told your mom, and you she's on a couple of medications you had no knowledge of. Yes, check this out with her doctor.

Oh, your poor mother, Shingles! My brother had this that same month prior to he ending up dehydrated, and in the ER a few weeks back. I looked it up, at that time and found out there is a window time frame where people can take some meds for it. Well, she sounds as if she's in a good place at least where she doesn't have to worry about care. Possibly the move there cause some stress.

My brother apparently wasn't taking care of the Shingles. But I saw him on Mother's Day, and forgot to ask him.

Hope your mom doesn't feel too much pain, and try not to stress yourself out too much about this. You've been doing a lot in the situation.
You're in my thoughts! Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Cat~She has had the vaccine about 4 years ago or shortly after it became available. He said it probably would have been worse had she not had it. My hubby had shingles when he was in his thirties but it looked different than what my mom has on her face. Hubby's looked like tiny clusters of blisters on his shoulder blade. She never complained it hurt only itched. The only reason I took her to the dr. today was because a nurse told me on Saturday it looked like it was getting infected. I will get the vaccine in another 5 years, Yeah!!
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sharyn I am so sorry that your mum has shingles. It is a nasty disease. I expect it will be mild considering that she has had the vaccine. I need to get it.

You (and your mum) are having all kinds of adjustments to deal with. I am surprised that they are giving meds to your mum without your knowledge -definitely needs a follow-up. Hope Midget is adjusting too.

Glad you are working things through with your sis

Very sorry to hear about your nephew. So much going on all at once,

Take care ((((((hugs)))) Joan
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I would check with them once a month for a list of all you mom's med and what they are for-meant to say meds and ou should be her health care proxy.
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Austin~Good idea, thanks!! We will have review soon, I know mom is taking Namenda, it's the risperidone that has me concerned.
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Today was one of those days, and I hope it write this so you all get a laugh out it.
After lunch, mom and me went up to her apartment so she could shower, wash her hair. I put clean clothes out on her bed and was looking for the shampoo....I turn around and mom put the clean clothes away. I explain to her again about taking a shower, washing her hair, clean clothes. I put everything out again, looking for shampoo still. Midget runs into the living room with mom's clean socks...I get them back, mom has put all the clean clothes away again....I find the shampoo, put the clean clothes in the bathroom, start the shower. I tell mom to go in the bathroom, undress and let me know when she has her hair wet and I will hand her the shampoo. She pulls a fast one one and locks the door, LOL!!! I get a butter knife from the kitchen to unlock the door asking her if she is ready for the shampoo...she says, I am washing my hair with this, handing me liquid hand soap,SMH!!!(shaking my head), I give her the body wash telling her to use this to wash her body. By the time I was done, I was so exhausted. I told my husband it was like an Abbott and Costello routine of "Who's On First." He was laughing so hard by the time I finished telling him what happened...I don't know who was causing me more trouble....the dog or my mom, LOL!!!
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Thank you for sharing that with us-it is good you were able to laugh about -it must be exhausting at the time but time does not mean much to them I use to get scolded by pt's for leaving them for hours when it really was 20 min. clocks in the rooms helped somewhat.
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Sharyn - that is hilarious - like a good comedy skit. I am glad you could laugh and I understand you were exhausted. Hopefully she will be more cooperative next time.
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No, they start out cooperative and then become the "problem child." If you know what I mean. At least for now, she's still willing to shower. Hopefully, she will continue to Like showering. That was funny, Sharyn. =)
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It was like dealing with a child with ADHD....maybe that is why I have patience, I have experience with that as my son is ADHD. I will tell you one thing for sure...next time, I will bring my own supplies for bathing because she reorganizes daily and where things were located yesterday are surely not there today, LOL!! And Midget, she grabbed those socks and had them unfolded stuffing them under the couch cushions. If the lady who lives next door is in her apartment, she probably thinks I am yelling at my mother because I have to talk twice as loud when mom doesn't have her hearing aids in...
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I am approved for FMLA and go out starting Monday the 27th for 4 weeks.
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((((((sharyn))))) I am so glad. I am sure you need the time off. I hope you are able to take time for you, and you and hubby, as all your spare time could be taken up with your mum and her business. Do you have any plans?
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Joan~Hubby is taking one week in June and we will take some day trips as I am not getting paid. The time can easily be used for all my moms business with the house which is a big part of what I will be doing. I do plan to take some day trips myself to work on photography and get familiar with my Dell computer that I haven't used much. This is a load off my shoulders because yesterday I thought I wasn't going to get it approved as they have me scheduled to work next week and FMLASource had me down as going out for my own health issue. I called them and we got everything corrected and approved. Also....I am hoping to use this time to FINALLY get my house in shape and daughters old room, LOL!! I will not hold my breath but that's my story and I'm sticking to it!!
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