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Becky So I guess we will not be meeting up this summer... but we will in the future. Take care of yourself and get better! Sounds like you have a good solid plan.
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Good luck, Becky. That's a lot of surgeries. Hope they improve your health. Short hair sounds like a good idea.

guest - I read somewhere you are not going to the wedding. Good call!!!!!

trying -wondering how you and your parents are

ali - I see you posting here and there. Have you checked that your thyroid levels are where they should be. Sometimes it takes a few TSH tests to get the right dose.

Darn sinus headache is back tonight. Dd and fam came over and took most of the stuff and some extra queen sized sheets I had. I have some books which will go to a local church. some antique ones which may be worth trying to sell in E'ton, and some I will donate to a local used book store. I have a couple of old laptops upstairs which prob should be trashed. They are soooo slow!

Raining a bit - so welcome. Showers forecast for the weekend. Yay!!!

Have a good night, all.
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Hi Golden, and everyone. :-) I need to get TSH tested soon. I have a couple of minor other things bothering me and I'd like to ask doc about them, mostly just feeling "heavy" these days and I have some swelling in legs and weight gain but not increase in size, if that makes sense. This makes me think I'm retaining some water in my body but not sure why. I work out regularly now and sweat a ton. :-P

I hope everyone is well. I read sporadically on AC during the day and then comment on a post if I think I have something to contribute. I appreciate keeping up with all of your lives, though, by reading on DYS thread. Everything's going generally ok for me. I don't feel as well as I'd like to, far too much fatigue, but I'm making it.

Thanks for mentioning me, Golden. I do need to go get TSH levels tested. Thing is, they weren't all that low to begin with, but I KNOW this medicine made a big difference for me. So. Shrug. I think one of the few obvious things left for me to do, to improve QOL, is to do a strict diet and stick to it. I don't want to, as you can imagine. 

Good night, all.  (((((hugs)))))
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Hi Ali! The weight gain? You are working out regularly, muscle weighs more than fat. The weight gain is normal so you should feel good about that. Some may be water. Get that testing done and come back so we can all keep track of you.
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I am whipped! Three hours on a riding mower cutting two acres of weeds. Finished got flannel sheets off bed, nice fresh cotton on. Was going to do that last week but Monday turned cool again. Cotton feels great going to nap. Riding mower shouldn't be as exhausting. Something to read and should doze off for awhile anyway.
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Start of forms to pour the basement!
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Hi everyone. It seems so quiet on the forums these days. But since I have nothing new to say I guess maybe others are in the same boat. I've been feeling blah. I think it's menopause and just plain lethargy. What was it my dear Mom used to say about inertia? A body in motion stays in motion and all that. She used to say "I'm an ert" when she would get lazy. So I guess I'm an ert right now. Any fellow ert's out there who sympathize?
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Gershun - urgh, I kind of am "an ert" too! I don't have much to report at all....well, I can't do much now that mom can't really be left alone too long. Which isn't even true, because I haven't given the apartment a proper cleaning in awhile! But it's hard to find the enthusiasm for cleaning when there's no fun stuff to balance it out.

And I'm just tired, maybe. Menopause too. Never-ending poopy laundry. Several-times-daily visits from home support, and they're all different workers since mom's hospital stay, so I've had to "train" people all over again - plus my introvert self is hungry for refreshing, recharging solitude.

I can "officially" report that I booked one lone gig for this summer - putting together the Joni Mitchell show after all. Just me and one of my bandmates with a guitar (I'm just singing), and another singer doing harmonies. And in the small park under the gazebo, not the big park with the giant stage. It should be pretty laid back. I'm not too focused on it yet - probably not enough! But the other two musicians' enthusiasm is starting to get a little infectious. We have two months to get the songs together.

I lobbied the other two for one of Joni's lesser-known songs (Nothing Can Be Done) on the set list, on the grounds that I relate to the lyric so much.

I am not old
I'm told
But I am not young
Oh and nothing can be done
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I made the mistake of taking one excedrin yesterday for a headache and had to leave work 2 hours early because I was dizzy and vomited. I’m dehydrated, Ugh, I should know by now I can’t take excedrin in the dry climate here in idaho. Today is a sick day.
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Started a tub of laundry and went back to bed - I don't want to do anything

I did get the molding replaced on my car which was stolen - no one claims to have ever heard of this before - not the parts guy, not the insurance estimator - I'm out $350 despite filing a claim and getting a discount on the parts and a lot of frustration - of course new parts on a 6 year old car stand out even moreso now
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I just whined about my day so far in the Whine thread.

I really need a break. I started talking to mom about the proposed respite stay at Ponderosa Lodge. She was all, "NO! NO! NO!" I told her I desperately need a break, I reminded her I haven't had a whole day off in a year. She said, "Well go, then!" She really thinks it's just fine to walk away and leave her here on her own.

She IS going into Ponderosa for a week. I don't know how I'm going to get her there, but I also don't care how much she protests. I need a vacation.
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Have her bag packed and in the car so when you take her to dialysis you can simply take her there instead of going home.
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Dori, I hope that works out for you. You need a break.

Funny how sometimes things can pop up online or elsewhere, and suddenly, you're right back in your abusive or dysfunctional childhood. There was a book published in the 70s that was promoted as an open, honest, pictorial way to explain sex to children. It featured children in the nude and descriptive photos and text about the whole process. I have no idea why, but it popped up on youtube as the subject of a possible documentary when I was uploading a training video for a client. I have no idea why it popped up - I've never searched for such a thing or anything even remotely related to it - but there it was. I knew as soon as I saw the picture of the cover what it was. I almost fell off my chair. My stomach twisted up into a knot and my brain went completely blank for a few minutes. I thought I had pretty much forgotten about that book - but there it was, (literally) in black and white. My father used it as justification for his abuse of us kids, saying if this book showed kids this way, that it was ok for us. Obviously, that was NOT the intent when the book was published. In the 1980s, the book was banned in the US for containing what amounted to child porn.

My greatest fear when I was going through my parents' dressers and closet in their room was that I would find that damned book. I actually kind of hoped I would, so I could burn the disgusting thing, but I didn't. I suspect either Dad got rid of it so he wouldn't be caught with it after I told Mom what he was doing to us kids (when I was 10), or Mom found it and disposed of it herself. I have no idea - all I know is it's gone - or at least I haven't found it so far.
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cwillie - that's a good strategy. I'm going to do that.

I'm going to talk to the area nurse this week about more home support (one of the workers told me we can get 4 visits a day if I push for it), and also see if the renal social worker can also help push for that bed at Ponderosa before I lose it.

susan - thanks, me too! What a horrible shock you must have gotten, to see that book online out of nowhere! Ugh, I have no doubt you felt quite sickened. (((((hugs)))))
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Susan, so sorry you had to go through that. It's amazing how little things can trigger flashbacks. Not that what you described is little at all.

My Hubs has a habit of reverting to a childish a**hole on special occasions, Birthdays especially. This last year on his Birthday he had been behaving like a real pri*k all
day. But we went through the whole charade of going for dinner with his family (which is painful, even on a good day) When we finally got home I was looking for something in the kitchen cupboard and had left it open. Hubs banged his head on it and turned around and just freaked out on me. I had had enough at that point. I went to bed and just bawled my eyes out. I wondered the next morning why I'd gotten so upset. It wasn't till a couple of weeks later that I realized that that whole incident brought back memories of my schizophrenic brother freaking out on me when I was young when I accidentally hit him in the head with the door. I was really terrified of my brother when I was young so hubs freaking out triggered that memory.

Again Susan, so sorry for the bad memories. :(
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Susan and Gershun, hugs to you both. That is absolutely terrible.

It's a wonder so many of us survived the things we did. I still deal with anxiety and waking up with a knot in my stomach in the morning because I'm never sure what family crisis or drama awaits me.
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So sorry for you too Frazzled. Life can suck at times.
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My 2 older siblings are using my moms hospice status to start terrible trouble and get everyone to suspect me of terrible things. I’m my moms POA. They resent me, and my mom doesn’t defend her own choice, but rather leaves me to deal with their suspicions alone. I’m very close to transferring my legal responsibilities to someone else...a friend of the family and moving my mom out of my home into a facility. My siblings have no responsibility but will be granted an equal portion of my moms estate. My spouse and I are doing all the daily “real” stuff, while they sit back and judge, thinking they know better. There is gossip and lying too. They both manipulate my mom, and because she’s dying, she doesn’t address it. She ends up going with the flow with them and not saying, “hey wait a minute! Show some respect for your sister who’s doing everything!” I feel I have no advocate in this situation. I also feel like I’m an easy target for a law suit or at least having my reputation ruined in my family. My family already watches for any slip up in my life because I’m gay and they are fundamentalist Christians. Maybe I should just walk away from all of this....even the inheritance
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Does anyone know how to get a parent in home hospice a mental status exam? I’m my mother’s POA and she lives with me on hospice. My sister is taking advantage of mom’s current mental deficits, by getting her alone and asking her if she can borrow money. I’m the one who writes check for my mom because she cannot write or even think clearly about how to write a check. I feel angry and protective of my mom. I told her what I think, and she became angry with me, saying that she’s tired of having to ask people how to use her money. How can I honor my mom’s dignity while also protecting her from family vultures?? I want to have a professional evaluate her so that it’s official that she’s too vulnerable to agree to loaning her money.
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You talk to your mom's lawyer, just for starts. 

Have you spoken to the Hospice social worker about this issue?

Are you thinking that mom is no longer competent to make financial decisions and that you need to invoke you POA powers?  How is that document written?

It seems to me that you need legal advice re: mom's competence and what your POA powers extend to.

I suggest talking to the social worker for two reasons; she may be able to hook you up with legal resources (mom's money should be used for this, NOT YOURS) and she may have some resources for dealing with the dysfunction of your siblings in terms of mediation.

((((hugs))))) to you at this very difficult time.  Your mom no longer has the power to "stand up for you" to your siblings.  It sounds like all she wants is to die peacefully, which is likely why she's agreeing with whomever is talking with her at the moment.

Being POA within a dysfunctional family is no picnic.  Stay with us; there are lots of folks who will be along to give advice later this morning, I'm sure.
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LW44
As POA you are charged with oversight of mom's financial resouces. That money is for her needs and care only. Sis is out of line. What I would do is to get someone to serve as conservator and all checks written would have two signatures. You cannot appoint someone to serve as her POA, only mom can do that and only if she is not incapacitated. Maybe mom's attorney would do that or they refer you to someone that will. It would be mom's funds that pay for the service as it is for her benefit. I will benefit you as it will provide you the assistance and support to say no to this sib.

If mom should live long enough and need additional care, say a nursing home, and has to apply for Medicaid she would be penalized, dollar for dollar, on every loan/gift she has given anyone over the past five years. What then? Be strong, get the help and support you need to stop sib from exploiting mom.

And when mom passes who is executor? I would make sure that these "loans" are repaid to the estate prior to splitting it, if anything is left, with other heirs.
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Every time I start feeling sorry for my mom....she turns nasty again. And then when my politeness or kindness doesn't stop it, I give up and snap back. And then we're snapping at each other, followed by hours of total silence.

Last words tonight, until bedtime -

Me: Why do you have to be like this?

Mom: Why do YOU have to be like this?

Me: Well, look who raised me! Take a look in the mirror!

I never thought I'd say it out loud, but tonight, I did.

I'm starting to wonder if she breaks out the poop-a-thons on purpose, too. Like, is it part of her nasty side? Yesterday....how the h*** do you get that much poop EVERYWHERE. I was up till 4 AM cleaning the last of it and finishing the laundry. Not one word of thanks or even acknowledgement.

I really need a break.

I phoned the renal SW today, trying to get that respite bed sped up. She suggested (possibly true) that I am very nice and polite when I talk to people on the phone, so that the home health nurse probably had no idea how badly in need of respite I really am. So she's going to phone the manager at Ponderosa herself and see about getting things in motion.

Please, please, please, let it be soon.
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Dori- Big Hug.
It will be soon. Hang in there.
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Oh Dori, you're one of life's "copers", hm?

We were supposedly "guaranteed" a formal carer's assessment within six weeks of applying to social services. Hollow laughter: make that six months. Seven months. Eight...

One morning I got a call from an Adult Services Team Leader, just calling to "check how you're getting on." I opened my mouth and the words "oh, you know, we're fine" were about to come out but then I broke down into sobs. Extremely embarrassing but she did get the message.

You shouldn't have to have the screaming ab-dabs to get the help you need but I sometimes wonder if it is the only way.
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I’m just beside myself right now. It’s the worst thing I could every have imagined. My sister called called at 2am. Her oldest daughter committed suicide. She went into the woods behind her home and shot herself. I don’t know what to think. It’s just horrible. RIP my dear sweet niece.
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Oh Sharyn. I have no words. Can you get to your sister's?
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My sister is in California and my niece is in Kentucky. I going to wait for more info. Maybe go to Kentucky for the service. I just can’t believe she did this. I never would have thought she could possibly do something like this. The damn family curse of alcohol. She hadn’t been well since a surgery last year.
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You must be in complete shock, all of you. How old was your niece?

I'll keep checking in, thinking of you. Wish I had more to offer.
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Oh Sharyn! I am so, so sorry! What a bombshell! No wonder you are beside yourself, it's a terrible blow. And a shocking thing to wake up to.

How is your sister doing? She must be a wreck!
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Oh, Sharyn. I am so sorry, how terribly sad. Always comes as a shock. Lost my dad when I was 12 the same way. It is something that remains with us the rest of our days. Always the thoughts of what could I have done differently when there really isn't anything. People that do this are mentally ill and do not have the skills or desire to get help. They really do not think of the impact this will have on the remaining family that are left behind that always try to figure out the why! I am so sorry. Are there children? If so, they are going to need everyone's love and attention. Thinking of you and family.
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