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CM - I've been called a "stoic" more than once in my life.

Well, mom just did it again. I am awake because she was making tea at 2:30 am. Then forgot about the tea and fell asleep on the couch. Then she went immediately into the nasty when I went to get her back to bed. (One of the "rules" of me staying here is everybody sleeps in their own bed so that everybody can have a life outside their tiny bedrooms.) And EXTREME nasty when I insisted on checking for myself that she was wearing a Depends (because she's lied to me about it so often).

"I don't lie!" she snapped.

"You lie all the time," I sighed. "Look, I'm just tired of cleaning up poop. I have to make sure."

"Now I know who you REALLY are," she spat venomously.

What does that even mean.

That's just a snapshot of the whole interchange. Ugly. Nasty. Negative. Crazy. And now I'm the one awake, at 3:30 am.
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Snort! Do you ever need to check for yourself that she's wearing her pad. Too right. Misinformation from her on this point, and it's not she who'll be scrubbing the bloody carpets, is it?

Only... Maybe let it go without saying? Save your breath, for holding.

How's her renal function? Uraemic people can get very very b*tchy.

Silly question to ask you at half past three in the morning, I know. Got any breathing exercises handy?
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I'm a singer. My breathing is always as smooth and slow and steady as a yoga instructor's, lol.

It's possibly the one thing keeping me from having a stroke, mind.

The kitten (can I even call him that anymore, when he's almost as huge as a bobcat at only 10 months?) crawled onto my chest and laid his cheek on mine immediately afterwards. (He always knows my mood.)  Even better than breathing exercises. 
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My niece was 48 years old. All of us are devastated. I’m waiting for more info. My other niece (sisters), said they are meeting at the house with my nephew (in law) at 12. I’m deciding if I should drive to California tobe with my sister or to meet up with in Denver to get connecting flight to Kentucky. All depends on what my nieces husband plans are with the service.
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Will your sister have anyone travelling with her from her home, Sharyn? If not, I expect she'd be glad of a functioning companion to help her put one foot in front of the other. Poor lady, I hate to imagine what she's going through.

But if she isn't travelling alone then it must be better for you to meet her en route, no? And heaven knows you have your own shock to take care of.
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No CM, that’s why I’m torn. She is just devastated as to be expected. My brother can’t travel.
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Oh Lordy. You'd best go and get her then. It wouldn't be unreasonable, in those circumstances, and of course respecting his grief, to ask nephew in law to allow for your travelling time.

Oh Sharyn, *what* a thing to happen. I'm so sorry.
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Thank you. I’m still in shock
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(((((((((sharyn)))))) I am so sorry. My deepest sympathies. This is devastating for a family. Your sis does need support. However you need to look after yourself too. Is your nieces dad in the picture at all? Prayers for arrangements to work out and for strength for you. Keep us updated. Your family has had more than it's share in recent years.
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My nieces father died at age 42 from liver failure due to years of drug and alcohol abuse. I have a lot to consider right now. I don’t want to get back in too tight with my sister.
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Thank you everyone for your hugs and suggestions. They are helping get my thoughts straight.
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Sharyn.... my heart breaks for your loss. My condolences and prayers to you and your family. I know it is devastating. Losing someone to natural causes or an accident is hard enough. When it is suicide it makes it 10 times worse. I lost a very dear friend, who was like a sister to me, to suicide 12 years ago and to this day I still miss her. She was 48 as well and had problems with drugs and alcohol and a boyfriend that encouraged the use of them.

Hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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So sad, Sharyn
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Sharyn, I'm so sorry.
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Sharyn, I just read about your niece. How awful, I'm so sorry for all of you. Sometimes it's hard to say which happened first: substance abuse, mental issues, or dysfunctional parents. It's very sad what these things do to human beings. I wish your niece to be at peace, and for others to make peace with her actions. I'm so sorry.

I sympathize with your situation, seeing as you don't want to get too close to sis but also you want to be supportive in her time of need. Seems like it's going to be emotionally messy, no matter what, so stick close to the thread for support.

Aw. Just (((((hugs))))). I'm so sorry. 😪
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So sorry for your loss Sharyn.
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What a terrible shock Sharyn I am so sorry. The first thought is why why why.
Of course there is a reason but one you may never know.
Take care of yourself and let the dust settle a bit before you make travel arrangements.
I expect the family will wait a few days before any kind of funeral so that can give other people time to travel etc. There really is no rush. Thoughts and prayers for you and the family.
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Sharyn I am so sorry. Please go with your sister,be there for her at this time, and then you can back off again. You will be glad of it down the road. I have a cousin who has pee'd off most of the family.. I decided to be there for her in a difficult time, and when she was more stable I backed off again a bit. It was worth it for my piece of mind.
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Dear Sharyn, I am so sorry for your loss. Suicide is such a tragedy, the wondering, and trying to figure out why this has happened, and unfortunately we rarely get the true answers, and even if we do, they do not make things easier to understand.

Please know that I am thinking of you, and praying for you and your family, and hoping that you can come to find peace in the coming days ahead. Love, Stacey
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Sharyn, there are no words..................so sorry!
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Sharyn, I’m very sorry for your loss.
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Becky hope you are doing better.
Sharyn - so sorry
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thinking of you this morning Sharyn, I know you are still in shock. (((((((hugs))))))

dori - hope respite is working out and no more poop fests

cwillie -i am responding here as I don't remember on which thread you were mentioning your mum's weight and my brain isn't up to doing a search right now. 115 lbs is not much on a 5 ft 7 in frame. Don't they weigh her regularly? The food portions sound very small. I would be concerned about any change downwards.

ali -do keep in touch and let us know how you are.

becky -hope you are feeling better

book - a cruise would be awesome.

glad - forms and concrete - something is happening!!!

Woke up feeling I am recovering from this bug and ready to tackle some paperwork and filing. Coughed my boots up again the other day till my ribs hurt, but that seems on its way out. Then I got an email from Walmart about a messed up delivery. Get this - I will have to sign an affidavit that I did not get the delivery even though Loomis called me and said it wasn't coming because some items were damaged and they would contact Walmart. None the less someone in the system marked it as delivered. I spent time on the phone with someone whose first language was not English - you know the routine - and finally found out they will send me an affidavit to sign and get back to them in 48 hrs. I keep watching my email but the affidavit hasn't arrived yet. All of this for an order which is less than $20. Hardly seems worth it.

After that I called mother's nurse about more clothing that is coming, and also spoke to her about mothers mood. She says since they stopped the risperidone, mother is more angry, more tearful and gives her "the look", amd also speaks less. Just what I saw the other weekend, so she said she will leave a note for the dr to call me. Mother needs whatever they can give her to help her mood. I know "the look" well. It's the BPD look.

Then a kind lady who feels I need phone calls, called me about nothing in particular. I was in the midst of online vehicle registration and online passport renewal. Not good timing. Oh well. Maybe later I will tackle some of the forms I need to fill out by hand. People/places periodically need confirmation that mother is still alive. So much for the paperwork and filing that badly needs doing.

And I have run out of coffee - that's a "must do" trip to the grocery store.
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Basement forms finished today, an advantage of my job, is I was told at work. Concrete for basement to be poured tomorrow. Will have to get a picture if I can. Cure over the weekend. then on to framing next week? Then it will start to feel real!
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And it has been so blasted hot here for not even summer yet. And a rural area, agricultural community, lots of cattle, meat processing, pigs, etc. So smells not too pleasant sometimes, though not as bad as you would think. All of the sudden I thought AC is probably a good idea. Contacted contractor to ask about AC being included, it wasn't in the contract, but PHEW (in more ways than one) it is included. 😌
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Hi all,

It’s been so hard. My heart is so broken. I remember when my niece was born, I was only 12. In some ways we grew up together.

I’m leaving tomorrow for Kentucky. The service is on Monday and I’ll fly home Wednesday. My sister is traveling with a childhood friend of both nieces so she won’t be alone.

Thank you everyone for all your support.
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Sharyn, travel safely. Hugs.


Pouring concrete.
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(((((sharyn)))))) a death by suicide is so difficult to process. I am glad your sister has the support of a childhood friend of your nieces. Please take care of you in all of this. It is such a stressful time. Prayers for safe travels and for emotional safety for you.
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(((((Sharyn))))) Safe travels to you. I hope you can find some peace in your heart right now.
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Well. Today I am "quite the little dictator." Why? Because I reminded mom about the no sleeping in the living room rule. When I reminded her that when she turns the living room into her bedroom (she has a huge master suite btw), then I'm stuck in my 9x8 room and can't have a life.....

She actually said, snidely, "You have a pretty good life!"

WHAT!

Finally I said, pretty gently, "Well, if you're really not sleeping (which is what she claimed), why don't you sit in the chair for awhile so I can stretch out on the couch?"

"FINE I'LL GO TO BED!!!"

I used to love her, but she's made me hate her.

She really thinks this is a good life for me? Not being in my own home? Not getting to perform music? Not getting to play my guitar even for fun? Not going out with my friends? THIS is a GOOD life? Being her (unthanked) servant? Being her (unthanked) personal secretary?  Being her (unthanked) chauffeur even when I'm falling-down sick? Doing ALL the housework and laundry (unthanked)? Cleaning up her poo (unthanked) from the floors and walls and furniture? THIS is a GOOD life?

WTF.

I am always glad for those rare occasions when she turns on me in front of the home support worker.  Because the home support worker always lets me know I am not the a**hole my mother thinks I am.

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Apparently I can't get a respite bed at Ponderosa till AUGUST 20TH.

I'm screaming inside.

The area nurse is going to see if she can get a respite bed at hospice house. But if not, I might be sh** out of luck.
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