
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Well, mom just did it again. I am awake because she was making tea at 2:30 am. Then forgot about the tea and fell asleep on the couch. Then she went immediately into the nasty when I went to get her back to bed. (One of the "rules" of me staying here is everybody sleeps in their own bed so that everybody can have a life outside their tiny bedrooms.) And EXTREME nasty when I insisted on checking for myself that she was wearing a Depends (because she's lied to me about it so often).
"I don't lie!" she snapped.
"You lie all the time," I sighed. "Look, I'm just tired of cleaning up poop. I have to make sure."
"Now I know who you REALLY are," she spat venomously.
What does that even mean.
That's just a snapshot of the whole interchange. Ugly. Nasty. Negative. Crazy. And now I'm the one awake, at 3:30 am.
Only... Maybe let it go without saying? Save your breath, for holding.
How's her renal function? Uraemic people can get very very b*tchy.
Silly question to ask you at half past three in the morning, I know. Got any breathing exercises handy?
It's possibly the one thing keeping me from having a stroke, mind.
The kitten (can I even call him that anymore, when he's almost as huge as a bobcat at only 10 months?) crawled onto my chest and laid his cheek on mine immediately afterwards. (He always knows my mood.) Even better than breathing exercises.
But if she isn't travelling alone then it must be better for you to meet her en route, no? And heaven knows you have your own shock to take care of.
Oh Sharyn, *what* a thing to happen. I'm so sorry.
Hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I sympathize with your situation, seeing as you don't want to get too close to sis but also you want to be supportive in her time of need. Seems like it's going to be emotionally messy, no matter what, so stick close to the thread for support.
Aw. Just (((((hugs))))). I'm so sorry. 😪
Of course there is a reason but one you may never know.
Take care of yourself and let the dust settle a bit before you make travel arrangements.
I expect the family will wait a few days before any kind of funeral so that can give other people time to travel etc. There really is no rush. Thoughts and prayers for you and the family.
Please know that I am thinking of you, and praying for you and your family, and hoping that you can come to find peace in the coming days ahead. Love, Stacey
Sharyn - so sorry
dori - hope respite is working out and no more poop fests
cwillie -i am responding here as I don't remember on which thread you were mentioning your mum's weight and my brain isn't up to doing a search right now. 115 lbs is not much on a 5 ft 7 in frame. Don't they weigh her regularly? The food portions sound very small. I would be concerned about any change downwards.
ali -do keep in touch and let us know how you are.
becky -hope you are feeling better
book - a cruise would be awesome.
glad - forms and concrete - something is happening!!!
Woke up feeling I am recovering from this bug and ready to tackle some paperwork and filing. Coughed my boots up again the other day till my ribs hurt, but that seems on its way out. Then I got an email from Walmart about a messed up delivery. Get this - I will have to sign an affidavit that I did not get the delivery even though Loomis called me and said it wasn't coming because some items were damaged and they would contact Walmart. None the less someone in the system marked it as delivered. I spent time on the phone with someone whose first language was not English - you know the routine - and finally found out they will send me an affidavit to sign and get back to them in 48 hrs. I keep watching my email but the affidavit hasn't arrived yet. All of this for an order which is less than $20. Hardly seems worth it.
After that I called mother's nurse about more clothing that is coming, and also spoke to her about mothers mood. She says since they stopped the risperidone, mother is more angry, more tearful and gives her "the look", amd also speaks less. Just what I saw the other weekend, so she said she will leave a note for the dr to call me. Mother needs whatever they can give her to help her mood. I know "the look" well. It's the BPD look.
Then a kind lady who feels I need phone calls, called me about nothing in particular. I was in the midst of online vehicle registration and online passport renewal. Not good timing. Oh well. Maybe later I will tackle some of the forms I need to fill out by hand. People/places periodically need confirmation that mother is still alive. So much for the paperwork and filing that badly needs doing.
And I have run out of coffee - that's a "must do" trip to the grocery store.
It’s been so hard. My heart is so broken. I remember when my niece was born, I was only 12. In some ways we grew up together.
I’m leaving tomorrow for Kentucky. The service is on Monday and I’ll fly home Wednesday. My sister is traveling with a childhood friend of both nieces so she won’t be alone.
Thank you everyone for all your support.
Pouring concrete.
She actually said, snidely, "You have a pretty good life!"
WHAT!
Finally I said, pretty gently, "Well, if you're really not sleeping (which is what she claimed), why don't you sit in the chair for awhile so I can stretch out on the couch?"
"FINE I'LL GO TO BED!!!"
I used to love her, but she's made me hate her.
She really thinks this is a good life for me? Not being in my own home? Not getting to perform music? Not getting to play my guitar even for fun? Not going out with my friends? THIS is a GOOD life? Being her (unthanked) servant? Being her (unthanked) personal secretary? Being her (unthanked) chauffeur even when I'm falling-down sick? Doing ALL the housework and laundry (unthanked)? Cleaning up her poo (unthanked) from the floors and walls and furniture? THIS is a GOOD life?
WTF.
I am always glad for those rare occasions when she turns on me in front of the home support worker. Because the home support worker always lets me know I am not the a**hole my mother thinks I am.
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Apparently I can't get a respite bed at Ponderosa till AUGUST 20TH.
I'm screaming inside.
The area nurse is going to see if she can get a respite bed at hospice house. But if not, I might be sh** out of luck.