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Becky,
12 days ago Dorienne put her Mom in respite "for a week", must be on a vacation.
It is a lot more work to come back from respite.
Do not really know, but was just speculating.

Hoping she is ok and returns to us soon.
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I was just wondering about Dori, also.
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Golden,

Thanks for asking. My dad is doing ok and he is now under hospice care at home.
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becky - great to have visitors even if unexpected. Enjoy!

cmag - glad that your dad has hospice to care for him. Keep us updated about how he is.

glad - how is the house doing?

Thunderstorm here last night and more expected today. I have to wake up properly (mornings are slow), finish up around here then hit the road.

Have a good day and be good to you.
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Spent yesterday and last night out of town with #2 daughter and granddaughters. They saw my basement for the first time before we took off. It is quite exciting. Then went to a Scandinavian festival in the mountains. It was a perfect day for it yesterday, not so much today. It was starting to rain when we left.

Stopped at a little Indian trading post that has been there since the early1900's. Mom always took us there when we were in the area. The woman that owned it originally left it to the man (he worked for her) that ran it when I was a youngster. Then he left it to the people that worked for him when he passed. The place really had not changed a bit, I was happy to see, and really did not expect it at all. Very pleased about that! Quite authentic. The granddaughters loved it as did my daughter.

Lots of wood stacked on the ground at my house. Framing this week I am sure. 😊
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Glad, What a fun day for you, daughter and granddaughter. Framing is good.

Tomorrow I go back to the hospital and surgery on Tuesday. Get it over with and move on. I’m happy my son and grandchildren have been here visiting. A distraction from thinking about surgery. I hope this goes as well as the first one. It was better than I expected.

Hope everyone has had a nice weekend. Summer seems to be here. We’ve had abnormally warm weather for June.
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Becky...thoughts and prayers will be with you on your surgery... Please keep us posted and let us know how it goes. Have a good night! (smile)
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Hang tough, Becky and don't be afraid to pinch anyone who deserves it
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Sounds like a good time Glad. Yay for framing, exciting.
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Going to new job starting today! First time in 20 years I’ve told my son you must call your dad for help other than surgery and mom’s last hospital stay. Excited and terrified.
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Guest, have a great day! You will be terrific, remember they wanted you!

Tell us more about the job Guest. You sound excited, hope it is a great fit.
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Becky hope all went well, and you will be back in fighting form soon!
Guest.. knock them dead!!! You will do great.
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Guest hope it goes well. I too am in a week at a new job after 12 years of self employment. It is scary and exciting. DH is doing wonderfully with Mom while I am away. I only am doing 3 days a week, but still feel guilty. But I have found respite in my work days. So two birds with one stone so to speak. Best wishes guest, let us know how it goes.
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I read a post on AC that I made 4-5 years ago or so. I sound nuts. lol I don't know where my head was for a long time. I think being confronted with so much interpersonal stress and tension around you all the time does something to your brain. It's like you're always hiding in plain sight, can't be yourself, so you go to Dreamland all the time because it's safer there.

Just a thought.

Hey all. :-)

Hope you're feeling better and better, Becky.

How was the first day, Guest?  So pleased for you!

Sounds like a fun day, Glad.  I love those "little Indian trading post" places but haven't been to one in many years.  
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Ali,
When I run across some of my posts, I think someone else wrote them.
Then there are some that are such good answers that I am sure someone else was the author. (Not bragging, wanted to make you laugh).
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Long day but good. Financial services company no sales. Lots of training right now. Friendly people telling me welcome. Very different work environment. By the way FIL MIL cancelled plans to travel to wedding “with only R to help really not workable”....
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i'm helping my 82 yr old mom. she is in early stage alzheimer's and wants me to move here so she can stay in her home. we've never been close: i'm adopted and she threw me out as a teen (almost 40 yrs ago). her other daughter doesn't speak to her at all. i think we have a toxic relationship that won't be healthy for either of us. plus i'd be leaving my job and moving 3000 miles away. if i leave her i'll feel terribly guilty. she's doing well on mobility and has plenty of money, plus her small dog. she is very controlling and tho i'm no longer afraid of her, i do feel sorry for her and want to help but not to my own detriment. i think i am mildly autistic as well. can this work? we get along most of the time but she's very negative and i have panic attacks about every other day. i'm here for two more weeks to decide. i need some objective opinions. am i too selfish or not selfish enough
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Good that you have a job! Be sure to get back home in time for work, and have a happy life!
An adult child is not responsible for hands-on care for their parent.
They are responsible for getting or arranging their care

There is a reason your sibling and mother do not speak, take a lesson there.

Start with getting a caregiver to come in, at her expense.

Now, pack your bags, and leave a.s.a.p., after informing Mother that you could not possibly do that.
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thanks that's about what i expected to hear. i've told her my feelings but she thinks if i have some time to think it over i'll change my mind. she's still on top of things; in fact she's calling caregivers right now. i've already made a reservation to go back home but she's offering me cash now lol. i'm just afraid i'll regress to child status here
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Ruby...please follow your instincts. There is a reason that little alarm is going off in your head. I have learned over the years to follow my instincts and my heart. Don't feel guilty. If she threw you out once what is to say she won't do it again.

Visit and try to build a relationship with your Mom, but do not let her guilt trip, bully or cajole you into giving up your life and moving in with her. Again follow your instincts and that little "voice". It might be different if she did not have her mobility or the funds to get assistance, but based on what you have said she does. She needs to have a paid caregiver come in to assist her.

Sorry, don't mean to sound harsh but it took a while for me to stand up to my Mom as much as I loved her. I was her caregiver/companion after my Dad had his strokes and ended up in a nursing home. It was rough at first...but they did not have the funds for a caregiver to come in. This sounds like a totally different situation. When my brother moved back in I moved out as I had found the love of my life.
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Make that little voice become a big voice. Advocate for yourself first, then mom. Make sure mom has her documents complete, POA, DNR and if possible have her decide where she wants to live when it is no longer possible for her to stay at home. Maybe it is closer to you to make it easier on both of you. But DO NOT move in with her, give up your life, your life is your life, your job is your job. That is all very important for your elderly years and how you will care for yourself.

FLOORS! Walls by end of week, trusses for roof early next week, then enclosing the home by the end of next week. Gosh it seems to be moving fast now!
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Wow Glad, that does sound FAST! Your new place will look like a Real house by the end of Next Week! Whoo-Hoo! Soon you will be picking out colors and appliances! Make My room Blue White and Yellow Please, Lol!
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Blue, white and yellow? Those are Swedish colors. I don't know about how much yellow though. Need to meet with the kitchen designer again. She and I did not click, not one little bit, but ok, I have worked with more difficult people in my life.

After house inside, then waiting on subs to get me on their calendars. So, who knows.
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Ruby if you are have panic attacks every other day now,, I promise you they will become daily. Don't do it,, just don;t
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Don't do it Ruby. Old people do not mellow as they age they just get worse. You have a life now so don't change it and get stuck in a vey bad situation.
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My Dad and Grandmother both mellowed with age. Just saying.
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Outside wall framing! Going fast now.
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BIL called hubs while I was out "running away " for a few hours,, they ( BIL and FIL ) went to visit MIL in MC, she was lethargic ( normally we find her sleeping in her wheelchair) but luckily it was "the day" the Dr was there. So she was taken to the ER,, tests run.. FIL calls to tell us the tests were all "OK" but she has a "urinal infection" so they are admitting her overnight at least. After a couple eye blinks,, OK ,, I've got this.. He tells hubs he and BIL are home, MIL still in Er awaiting a bed.. Hope he calls hubs tomorrow to let him know the room # in case he decides to go visit.. I wonder how long the MC would have "not noticed" anything if BIL hadn't gone in? That place looks great on the outside..but the care is subpar in my opinion. And hubs hates to go visit,, hates her care, hates the situation that led to this.. I have to fight him to go. So I suggested that if he goes to see her tomorrow my Mom might go with him,, he hates to go to any hospital, etc. I have to work,, so wish them luck...
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With my 94 year old dad in hospice care, I decided it was time to make some preparations for his memorial service. My step-sister was thinking about having a private memorial service because he has outlived his friends. She already had someone in mind to do the service. He did her mother's memorial service, but I didn't think he did it all that well. I told her that I would contact dad's and my relatives in another state to see what they thought. I was going to wait until our family reunion in August, but that might be too late. 

Well, I contacted them today and they want his memorial service to be in the town where he was born. My dad has over 50 nieces and nephews in Ohio, plus friends who still remember him like the man who owns in the funeral home where he was born. 

One cousin has said that the funeral home has enough room for all of the relatives and that he would contact the Roman Catholic priest about doing the mass. He even offered to do the eulogy. I think this is much better and is the way to go. 

I don't know how my step-sister will respond, but he's my dad. For that matter, she can have a private memorial service for him where he has been living. He's outlived all of his friends there.
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Golden, mom was always at death's door. There were a few 'close call's in which we called all of mom's sibs, they came as a group (not individually) to visit mom, did those Catholic prayers for the dying. Then go to the hospital's waiting room and talk, gossip, laughing... while me and my sibs just sat there staring at them. It's so... surreal - to see mom's sisters, brothers and in-laws just laughing .. while our mom was dying. It happened about twice. Finally, dad (not yet bedridden at the time) told us that we were not to call mom's sibs when we think mom's dying. I think, it also got on my dad's nerves that her sibs were laughing/talking loudly at such a very solemn time for us.  I recalled telling my sibs that it looked like the aunts/uncles were at a party. 

On mom's last day, I believe the aunties/uncles just assumed that mom was again at 'death's door' and that's why we didn't call them. Maybe they suspect that we purposely didn't call them, and may have been angry with us for not calling - but they never said it to our face (that I'm aware of). ..

The guilt did get to me. I don't remember if I posted it here. Our local custom is that when a person dies, no matter the time, we must have the rosary (???) said that same day (even if it means 10pm at night.) Every time I saw mom's sibs crying during the rosary, I felt soooooo guilty. After it was done, I went up to aunty who sang what I call the 'death' song to mom. (It was in our native tongue and I don't understand it at all.)

I asked her if she was mad at me because mom died so soon after I took over her care. (Dad became bedridden 9 months earlier). How dad was able to make her live so long. Yet... Aunty had tears in her eyes, grabbed me, hugged me so hard and told me that no one blames me for mom dying. Sooooo … If the aunts/uncles suspect we didn't tell them, I'm positive that they're not mad at me. It would be my older siblings because.. well, they're older than me. sigh... local custom is that it's the elders who contact the family grapevine. Elders who do everything or tell the younger ones what to do. So, I'm safe from being blamed on not telling them because I'm just the middle child. Not sure about my older sibs...
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