The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Gasp! Before I left to the airport to board my plane to Bali, my dad threw his arms wide and said, "Hug!" I just stood there staring at him. So, he came and hugged me. ohhh... I don't ever remember that... wow.... the things one forgets...

Here you go, Book, the perfect purse for you:

"...always exactly what you need it to be. Capacious but not bulky, structured yet supple, at home on the town or in the country. Cinch the side laces, and voilà! it’s a sleek city bag. Loosen them and you have a chic, practical tote. The slim leather handles fit over the shoulder or on the arm. Shown here in Damier Ebène canvas."

Yes, everyone, it's the 'legendary' Louis Vuitton Neverfull, a snip from £920.00. I think I'll get two...

Uhm.. CM, that is awfully expensive. I googled the currency rate to USD.... No offense, but .. I'm sure it's..lovely … but no, thank you! =)

Love to shop! One of the few things my mom and I enjoyed doing together. My Mom was into shoes and jackets. My brother and I finally got her shoes cleaned out a couple of months ago. She had over 250 pairs when she died. Two closets full of jackets. I’m more into purses and shoes. Never saw a problem that a new Gucci purse wouldn’t cure. Also we both were jewelry people. I learned the Gucci purse cure from my high school boyfriends mother. She was a good friend until she died in 2008. After her husband died, she bought Gucci bags regularly. She left me her collection. Seventy three of them, including a couple of vintage styles. My mom brought me a Louis Vuitton bag from a trip she took to Paris. I’ve Never really liked it. Too boxy. It must be genetic - my granddaughter adores shoes, purses and jewelry.

I sold a couple of Louis Vuitton (and several Ferragamo, Bottega Veneta, Escada, one Hermes) handbags about 6 months ago when I was putting things into the new 1 bedroom apartment and realized I didn't use those things anymore, so why store them? I needed the extra cash at the time, too. My frugal fashionista girlfriend taught me that a Payless Shoe Store handbag looks every bit as glam if styled right, and I've been carrying two styles from them every day for the past few years. I have the money now to buy something much nicer but I just don't want to anymore. Hm.

I did buy a hand made Italian leather bag from a T. J. Maxx store about 3-4 months ago. It was the only one of that style there at the store, my eyes immediately went to it and I bought it for about $70, I think. Soooo... the fancy lady still lives inside, she's just not into supporting the big fashion houses exponential upcharging for their brand names anymore. 😝

I remember going to the Luis Vuitton store back in the 80s to get a bag - think it cost about $265

i loved it at the time but wouldn't even think of having one now - I'm always miffed that I can't find a boring shoulder bag - Amazon doesn't even carry stone mountain anymore

Just spoke with my cousin, (Sham) the ca is in her lungs and stomach. She says doctors say its treatable. This was one of the things my son and I discussed during our road trip.

She sounds real good on the phone. Even though I suspected this, it still hurts my heart to hear it. It feels weird. It scares me. I can only imagine how hard this is for her.

I never even knew about these designer thing or LV until my aunt Sham's mother saw one I had in the 80's. I was a secretary in a senior center and they would have flea markets. I got lovely drapes, leather coats for an uncle who baby sat for me and this lv bag. My aunt raved about it and kept asking me for it, I didn't give it to her at first thinking if she wants it this bad it must be worth something. Finally, I went to an affair and for some reason I knocked bag off the table two times and each time my house and car keys fell out and I knew it was not for me and gave it to my aunt. this one was a different type leather though just solid black.

Anyways, I am not into spending a lot on bags. I will on shoes if I like them. I just got this one because :) it matches with the wallet purse my son gave me which I had to put inside another bag when I used it.

A friend gave me a different designer bag a few years back and that was my go to bag until the metal that had the strap broke. I really had heavy stuff in the bag.

I ususally dress things up and look like a million dollars. Although this big belly takes away some of the shine. I would turn rings around to my palm at one time because people were treacherous at one point, especially when the economy is bad and Christmas.


Jewelry is another problem. I have lost so many pieces that I tend not to wear jewelry. Lost diamond earring 1st time I wore it two years ago. Now I cant find the match which I tried to have made for a necklace was unable because of the diamonds. I left it in that jeweler envelope and have no idea where I put it. I tried my luck with a small diamond ring when I got my little laptop. One of the diamonds fell out after two days!!! Crazy. Now this fake diamond ring I bought to wear with my gown to the ball is sitting pretty and intact lol.

Golden I hope you get good report about xrays. Hang in there.
Dorianne I am not up to date but I hope your event went well and you broke a leg.
Becky I hope you enjoyed your trip.
Church, it was good to see you, wise and strong ((HUG))!!!

I am not on so regular and my heart remembers the spirit more so than the name, so many of you are embedded in my heart forever and I have much love for you all.

I enjoyed reading the stories and experiences and preferences about shopping. I do learn a lot here in every aspect and its uplifting.

Rays of love light and peace to all.

Wow you guys are really some serious shoppers with taste. I wont be able to return bag until Tuesday when DL goes back to Osan.

Ms Madge, Vermont Country Store still sells Stone Mountain shoulder bags.

Ali, I sold a bunch of Gucci bags online after Mom died. Between my own, mom’s and the ones I was given I had several duplicates and some I didn’t like. I was working on my house and the cash came in handy. PJ brought me one back last year from a trip to Vegas. The older I get the less I shop for myself. I’ve sold tons of stuff online. Easy way to clean out stuff. When I lived in Cincinnati there was a store, Snooty Fox that bought high end handbags and shoes. I did a lot of cleaning out that way.

I love TJMaxx and Ross Stores. I shop at both a good bit.

I used to to shop when I-traveled. Been on vacation all this week and have only bought a couple of books. I’m getting old.

Becky you are right,, Mom loves Vermont Country store. I got a lovely Stone Mt cross body bag at Boscovs this spring for a trip,, you just have to look around!

I haven't heard Vermont Country Store in years! My dad, decades ago, used to order from their catalog. I forgot what he ordered but it always came in jars - and not one jar ever cracked. They sure knew how to pack it well.

Golden, I hope your mother’s X-rays don’t confirm pneumonia. Yes it is very common with inactive elderly.

Stacey good to hear from you. I miss your positive up beat posts.

I’m doing ok. Some days are harder than others. Mostly it’s the heat that wears me down. It probably wouldn’t be so bad if it was dark by 9pm like California. It is just so strange going outside at 10 pm and it’s barely dark and STILL 89 degrees.

My sis is doing better. I don’t call her more than ever other week. Mostly because her pretentiousness gets on my nerves, lol! Just be real, don’t try to be more than who you really are.

have a good weekend and happy travels. Stay safe Glad.

Golden, any updates on Mom? Thinking of you.

Weather has been crazy nuts this week. Looking like much of the same for next week. Temp here this morning is a quite pleasant and cool 57 degrees. Had to get the sweat pants and UGGS out last night. The heat previously had been unbearable. Is summer finally over?

Thx everyone. No news about mother but I will call next week about that and the meds change,

These are the hard days thinking of my son lying in hospital 16 years ago. Losing him still hurts, and the thought of mother declining adds to the stress. Life!!!

Sharyn - wise to keep limits with your sister. You have to look after yourself. You asked about Jessie. I don't know if anyone knows. She has been gone for a while.

Glad -wish you could post photos of your house here. Making great progress! You'll have to have a house warming for us all.

Hand bags????? I have one and a spare. I used to colour coordinate them with my outfit, but that got tedious so I stay with basic black, and something that travels well. Slowly weeding out my jewellery according to what causes an allergic reaction or not. I have a small box worth to give away so far. All the old small earrings are going. I could probably manage with a few sets of hoops -smaller and larger, silver, gold and a few colours. I think it is like your clothing - you wear 20% of it 80% of the time. I am discarding more of that too.

Take care everyone. You never know what life will bring you next.

nice photo of him, Golden

Ms. Madge, I’m headed to the Red Shoe Pub. I’ll let you know. But it looks good from outside.

Becky

I'm so jealous!

Well I just lost my last comment.

Golden my heart goes out to you.

I am trying to soak up as much love and happiness and peace as I can.

Hope you all are well.

Rays of peace, love and happiness to all.

accidental repost -wish there was a delete button

,

Another accidental repost - don't know what happened.

Thx madge. He was a good looking young man though he didn't know it.

thx duck - enjoy your family while you can.

Please read the post,under financial planning by Gavianna ,on July 28,2018 on her mom,88 who needs to re write her will and we have a dysfunctional family....help,please.Please reply here or under her financial planning post.The word dysfunctional family is spot on,but i omitted the word in the post.Thank you,very much.

Golden, just try to take it easy.

The house? Hmmm. It is kind of a stand still from appearance standpoint. They have been working on electric and plumbing. Windows are due in the end of the week. So, in a couple of weeks windows should be installed then work on the inside, then it will start going fast again.

I have not caught up on posts I missed a lot of them. I just scanned through a few recents so please forgive me anyone whose tribulation I have not acknowledged. Its hard for me to keep up even when I am on frequently.

I did notice a query about JesseBelle. I asked also. I miss her. She was one of the first people who shocked me with the same issues. It was almost like a mirror of issues.

I did see a few post from her in the spirit of bullying and clicks which is a reality on this forum. I realize this forum is like the real world, real community.

I almost begged her not to leave out of frustration and not let certain modes of operation which can be quite obvious stop her from posting. I mean, there are so many more to come her and reach out and need to experience and see that their inner hearts and thoughts are not isolated. It encouraged me to see someone with a similar issue surviving and maintining and sharing. It helped. She was opening her heart sharing her pain and concerns and giving awesome advice and support. Life is not fair a lot of the times, but then what is fair.

I came on board here, not for likes, or to be accepted, or bullied. I came here because I needed help, I reached out and my goodness, the feedback from this forum saved my sanity, helped mend my broken heart and spirit. Its people like that and seeing the same working for and from others that keeps me loving this site.

I also miss the Captain, he was off the chain and bought a very special humor with his posts. I see some posters come and go and my heart lights up when I see that same spirit giving to someone else.

This forum helped me through a major crossroad in my life. Many of you have no idea how your strentgths, pain, happiness and sharing has helped me on so many levels; has helped me anticipate and perceive a future issue and helped me realize and deal with an event that came later. I am and always be greatful for this forum

I just find I cant handle posting on more than one and keeping up, sometimes I can barely manage my life and personal issues. But the spirit touches and sticks like glue.

Its so hot and humid here. I just did a few rounds on the bike. Knee and hip pain gets better and I haven't had leg spasms for a good minute (knockonwood!!!!!)

I also found chrysanthium tea. Which has good benefits. When I get home I am going to get some more cardomon. Its good for depression, arthritis and lots of other benefits. I used to use it in my tea. Just a tiny sprinkle then I started to use in bbq sauce. I don't know how long its shelf life is but I had it in cabinet for many years and finally threw it out.

Love and peace to you a



Much love to all. And Jessie and Captain if by any chance you happen to see this I miss you both and wish you the best.

Ms Madge, Red Shoe was nice. Sisters were not there. Food was good. PJ had steak sandwich with grilled veggies and I had my usual cheeseburger which was very good. PJ thought the local beers were good. It was very crowded. Typical for seasonal businesses. Crowded with tourists. Thanks for the recommendation.

overall it’s been a good vacation week. Now I have to go home and get rested up.

Golden, Very nice photo of your son. I’m sure this is a difficult time for you. I know the worry over your mother is difficult.

Glad, House is coming right along.

Gavianna - here's a link to your post,.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/my-motherage-89-needs-to-update-her-willsince-her-husbandour-dad-passed-in-apr2018and-a-daughter-sib-441466.htm

Your mother sounds manipulative and probably enjoys jerking your chain and getting you centered on her indecision about her will. You can't make her do anything, Sometimes a person outside the family can influence a senior to take that kind of action. Meanwhile you need to detach yourself from her problem and focus on your own life. It's not your circus! You need to look after you,

Glad - taking it easy, thx. Seems to me the house is moving fast,

becky - Thx, yes. Glad you are having a good time,

duck - I am happy you have received help here. That is what it is for.

sharyn - you are sad about the devastation by the fires, I know. Some pics reminded me much of here 2 years ago. Horrible. Prayers for all.

Early in April, my sister called to let me know she had just been diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer that had metastasized to her liver. Despite her having written me out of her life five years ago for what was basically a trivial matter, I told her I would be willing to come look after her until she could make more permanent arrangements. She assured me she had plenty of friends who were willing to help out. A week later she called and asked me to come down and help her out. She didn't offer to pay my way down there. So, I forked overthe $78 for train fare, the cheapest way I could find. Plus the $50 for the cab ride out to her house.

She was undergoing chemo-therapy (8 hours every Monday) and radiation M-F, so my job was to take her to all her appointments, pick up her prescriptions, run all her errands, pick up around the house, wash the dishes, which, since she couldn't eat anything, were just mine, and just be there for her 24/7. I received no remuneration and even had to pay for my own food.

After I had been there a month and a half, during which time she got weaker, I finally told her two daughters, (who, once I showed up, no longer bothered to come see their mother except on Mother's Day, when they spent most of their time visiting each other) that their mother was getting weaker and she was going to need a permanent care solution soon. When nothing had been done on that front by two weeks later, I told them that I was planning to leave on July 31 and they needed to find her some sort of rehab facility where she would have 24-hour care by that time. They planned to come back to New Orleans on July 12th and tour some facilities. As it turned out, she went into the hospital on June 28 and died on July 6. I called them on July 3rd and told them they needed to get down to NOLA ASAP. That their mother had become unresponsive and was definitely going to die.

The two girls inherited everything, including a 7-year-old car, a condo, and a great deal of money. When I asked them what they were planning to do with the car, which is 8 years newer than mine and in a lot better shape, with more than double the miles-per-gallon of mine, and they said sell it, I asked if they would consider letting me have it. They said yes, I could have the car as soon as they made their final trip to NOLA.

Well, they have reneged on their promise and will SELL me the car for $10,000 (although the Blue Book value is, at it's highest, around $7400.00. They say they can't possibly "give it away". I consider it payment for services rendered. Am I wrong?

No, Jules I think the car as payment for the care is fair. However, you should have made a payment arrangement with sis. You could try billing the estate. Probably will not work but maybe get the daughters thinking.

Yes, California seems to be an inferno again. So sad. They really need to go back to controlled burning in the forests. At least there has been an arrest for the Riverside fires in So cal.

We we had the boys yesterday while dd worked. E found ,y cross body purse on the breakfast bar. He hung it on his shoulder walked over to his brother saying, I am the mom and I’m going to work now. He gives his brother a hug and a kiss and walks away. A few minutes later he walks through the kitchen saying, mom is home from work and gives his brother a hug and kiss, lol! He repeated it about 3 times. Hubs and I laughed because he was so darn cute!

dd told me a busy body co worker was inquiring about my health. This co worker had also asked me earlier in the week. I texted her saying you are violating hippa privacy laws when you inquire about a co workers health from another co worker. It’s illegal and I want it stopped. when I got to work today, she was waiting for me (her day off). She started back tracking about her questions. She actually insinuate to my dd that I had Alzheimer’s. Then she was pushing me to talk with her about my niece. Man I blew!! I yelled at her, I was so furious. I really wanted to slugged her in the face. Our manager didn’t know what to do. I showed her my text to her where she said she ( the manager) was concerned about me.

Can you believe this girl! My thoughts are she thrives on drama and when she has none, she creates it.

There is a furnace and I pulled a few goatheads.

I hope someone is up and about. I just had a situation with my granddaughter. I was going to go into detail about past issues, history in my relationship with dl and oldest grand. The are remenents of issues with oldest grand. That hurt, and have given me tearful moments. I wanted to vent these upon my return home. The middle child and I, we mesh lovely. Sometimes in past she follows her sister in making fun or being devious with me.

This has gotten so much better. and I was so thankful in the changes in attitude in both daughter in law and the girls.

Today as I sat watching their cartoons, relaxing, no wig. Finally not being self conscious of my hair. I wear a wig because of bald areas at the temples. I will put my wig on just to get the mail. I don't hide from anyone who knows me well or who used to come by to visit a lot. Anyways the middle grand comes with the phone with the other grandmother on video shocking me as I was indulged with movie. The other grandmother could barely hold her laughter. I was cool and smiling and spoke a bit but deep down I wanted to say whats funny. She was tiickeled.

I was embarrassed to say the least and after awhile I went out for a smoke and a prayer and prayed that these negative thoughts and low self esteem would go away. I felt better. And got over it.

Tonight my son and his wife went to a concert. Here I am expecting issues as I have at times been unable to refrain from reminding her that she is still a child. 12yrs. Especially when she is disrespectful or out of place with her father. I have to say your father said this or that and that's it. She will sometimes challenge him and her mother and they allow it and I keep my mouth shut but a few times had to say something.
I think it becomes a big problem when an adult put a child in adult matters and I see this a lot and I don't like it.My son had issues when he returned from Iraq as far as respect from this oldest one. I have posted on this a few times maybe in another forum.
Now the youngest one just as I am posting says "Grandma, do you know what my mommy said to me?" I said what. and she said "she said not to listen to me."

I haven't even gotten to the gist of my post. since I have been her the middle one runs out with me everytime I go out to smoke. We exercise everyday riding the bike she on the scooter.
Right after they left jwhen I went out the sister stopped her from running behind me. and she stopped chasing behind after that when I went out, beggingto go exercise. All day and everyday Ihave had to tell her to wait till it cools down and I was wondering what the sister said to her to make her stop.
One visit long ago when the oldest was just maybe 5 or so. the oldest said to me My mommy said she will be glad when you leave and you know what I will be too.
Why am I writing this.....
Anyway the gist of this post is that I went out to have a smoke, the girls had gone up stairs and all three were in the parents bed. I had gone up and checked they were good, I told them to be cool and get to playing so hard and hurt themselves as they wild out. they were cool.

I come down set my movie to stream on chromcast and fix my cocktail. Then went out for a smoke. I came back to light a citroma candle and the middle one had spilt milk I gave her a cloth to clean it and as she was going upstair I went out to smoke. I only take a few puffs especially with the bugs and the candle turned out to be just plain wax. When I use card to get in the door is locked and the computer is saying something but it want open. I am thinking maybe the card was disarmed. Kept trying.

Now two days ago, we went out for our ride after the mother went to deliver a cake. That day it was hot. We worked up a good sweat and when it came time to go in I had left the card. the oldest was upstair with the baby. We kept ringing and ringing no answere so we sat out for about 40 mins. After that everytime we went out MidGrandwould say grandma do you have the key. LOL