The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Golden, I think I have been reading about you clearing out and downsizing since the fire, isn't your house empty yet?🤣🤣
(just kidding of course🤗)

New AVATAR is of my Mom at about 20.

Golden, "take a picture and toss it", Now why didn't I think of that! That is exactly what I will do! We could always print up a smaller version if we wanted to, not that I would, Lol!

I thought of asking my husband's brother if he wanted them (haven't heard from him in Months!), but that would entail shipping them on my dime of course, and I'm not willing to spend One penny on him, ever again!

Update: Dysfunctional issues continue, husbands Sister, you might recall that my husband went down to Big Bear, California (this last June) to spend the week with his Sister at her urging (this gal is a real whack Job!). She claims that she has severe disabilities that started with AAA leak (abdominal aortic aneurysm), had major surgical repair, then she fell and fractured her back, and was put on Hospice for these issues plus Severe CHF & some other things as well. Hard to tell if these diagnosis are real or manufactured with her as she has cried wolf So Mant times in the past, with "I'm Dying", so there's that.

So hubby arranged a week to go down to help her get sorted with her house, whether to sell it or ride it out, her legal papers, her Will, DPOA, DNR,her 2 dogs and such, but once he got there, she was Out Of Her Mind on drugs, and possibly drinking as well, she has always been a closet drinker. So, nothing got accomplished, as all she could do is ramble, was disoriented and confused, much like the majority of his experiences with her his whole life! There was no way to get her to focus on any of it, so he left after 1 day.

He (hubby) then drove in his rental car the 4 hours to see his brother, my husband just will not give up on trying to keep communications open with his 2 older DYSFUNCTIONAL siblings, but now Finally has now.

So he arrived at his Hotel, and checked in for a few days, he showed up at his brothers house (new place since he went Las fall to deliver his inheritance check) anyways, he saw his his brother for all of 2 hours, as brother showed him around his "new place" (someone else's), so obviously Lying about "All his Magnificent Junk", that clearly belonged to someone else, another deceitful move he has always pulled throughout his lifetime, boasting about things that do not belong to him, but he claims that they do, and after that, hubby played out his next few days at the hotel, never hearing from him again after he said he would call to get together, and nothing since!

So hubby Now has had phone communication with his 1/2 sister (none from brother), who wants him to be her DPOA, and Executor of her will, which would entail him flying back and forth to BB Cali, something he does not wish to do (nor can we really afford it), but according to her, "he is her Only living relative), except Bad Brother, whom she wants nothing to do with, so she is apparently sending ppwk for hubby to sign, but thankfully she has a friend who is a Co-DPOA, and willing to help. I just do not know what he is getting himself in for, he thinks/says he will probably decline this role, but he is such a softy when it comes to these sorts of things, and buys into the BS! Grrr! I guess she may actually be dying after all.

So, that's where we are with his Dysfunctional family, but my big family is A-OK, as usual!

Does it Ever End?

Tune in next time................... Stace

CWillie, if only clearing out a lifetime of accumulation were so easy! Ha! In doing so myself, I've come accross such Stupid things like a hole punch, fancy scissors, hundreds of dollars worth of "creative memories" stickers and books that I at one time Intended to put together picture albums, but never completed, kids school treasures from elementary school (Waaa!), loads of craft junk, fabrics, decorative items, candles, holiday decor, Just What to Do with all of it, as it's just money down the drain, and yet I still do have some attachment to, Uggg. And that doesn't begin to mention hubby Stuff!

There is No Possible Way, between my husband and myself, that we can keep even 1/4th of the 34 years of accumulation that we both have, and still fit into a moderate sized Condo, which we do intend to buy, once this house is SOLD!

I wish some Magical Fairy would just come and do it all for us, and we aren't even hoarders! Just 2 people who like to collect, Just reasonable amounts of THINGS! My house looks very tidy, just don't open the closets and cupboards! Lol!

Calgon take me Away!!!

Stacey,
Donate the stickers, crafts, papers, to the elementary school so the teachers won't be spending their own money to buy new for their students.
Stickers can smell mildewy after years in storage...toss those.

If you organize you can be doing projects in your condo at retirement. You will need an extra bedroom for that. Or, pass it on to the next person, while you spend retirement going with sisters...the casinos, the ocean, lunches. Your choice!

Maybe you can do both?

Stacey, what about a craft that would use the stickers? Help grands make something for their parents for Xmas? Then your kids also get the joy of having something made for them by their kids with something mom bought them as kids. Hmmmm, now think of ideas. Pintarest must have many ideas. If there is a way to use empty toilet paper tubes, there must be a way to use accumulation of stickers.

I also like the idea of donating them to the schools.

stacey - your mum is gorgeous too!!! I remember the trip your hub made to his sibs -total waste of time. I hope he doesn't take on anything for his sis. I want a declutter fairy too to come and whisk it all away! I need Mary Poppins! 🌂

cw - fair comment. I was wondering when someone would twig to the fact that I am writing about it more than doing it. There is a lot less than there was but still prob one dumpster worth - maybe more. It is 40 years worth of stuff, Much was tossed at various times, but then my dd and her family moved in for a while a little over 10 years ago and I still have a few things of theirs, Then R and his stuff. We did a major clear out of that a couple of years ago, but stuff builds up again. Not to mention mothers things that I brought up here "in case". The basement flooding was a blessing as lots got tossed then. My main problem is the CFS/FM - like today when my legs are aching and I am dopey. I can keep the house going in terms of laundry. some basic cleaning, food prep and grocery shopping, kitchen and bathrooms, but usually am not good for much more. I have been waiting to go grocery shopping hoping for a little more energy as the frig is pretty bare, So it goes. I will do a little bit here and there -toss a few clothes, some jewelry, but nothing major recently - more wishful thinking. If I push myself physically I get worse. 😒

There is no change in my brother. He is mostly out, sometimes partially awake, responds somethings and other times not. When this all started, with the seizures, the drs consulted with other drs across the country. None of them have experienced this before. Basically Stanford has done their part and are now looking into a rehab facility to transfer him to.

It just is what it is, I can’t say anymore. I don’t know what to think.
Thank you all for your kind words, prayers and support.

(((((((sharyn))))) I am so sorry for you and your family. Yet another very difficult situation. Hopefully he will wake up fully sometime. Prayers for you and your family continue. I don't know what to say or think either..

Duck. I do not have a surgery scheduled and have not posted that I do. My surgeries were earlier in the summer. And I do not have a brother who is ill.

Becky, I think you posted that you had cataract surgery last week? And another coming up in the next week or two?

Sharyn, I am so sorry about your brother.

Well, I did it. I have been putting off buying anything for my new house. I took the bait, 65% off bedding for one of the spare rooms where I will have two twin beds. Need to buy a twin bed, too. Couldn't resist the sale. I must stop this so I don't have to move any more. I saved $365.00!

Becky, I was confused about that one too, Lol! I think Dduck had the wrong name there. How are you doing btw, all moved in I suspect, and still loads to unpack, I Hate moving, and downsizing is even worse, we are up to our eyeballs getting rid of excess Stuff, and have surpassed our timeline as to be Done by Now! I just can't part with things I feel I may need to replace at some distant time. Oh to be young and starting off with nothing but a hand me down bed, couch and TV, we all started out that way once, didn't we, and look at us now, bursting at the friggin' seams! I'd hate to wish the house would burn to the ground, or would I, Hmmmmmm.........

SharynM, I am hoping that your Brother's Drs have ruled out brain damage by now (MRI?), and that this is just unfortunately going to take resting and time for his body to heal. Never give up, as God works in Mysterious ways!

As I mentioned before, my Cousins husband had a heart transplant. His first year was plagued with some pretty severe problems, but now years later, you would Never know that he has a doner heart, the man is a going concern!

Has walking many miles per day, and his yard and garden is like a gorgeous park like setting. Keep the Faith, and believe he will get better. HUGS my Friend!

Glad, I have given my Grandies so many stickers and craft supplies, to the point that their Mommy has said Enough Already! Oops, I don't want to get her mad at me! I will offer the rest, mainly feminine flowery type stickers to my other Neices, as I know that I will never get around to it. Sometimes I think it would be helpful if there was someone else to bounce things off of, as my husband says to "toss Everything", yet he isn't following his same "advice" when it comes to his stuff. Perhaps he thinks that if I get rid of all my treasures, there will be more room for his, the dirty rat! 😬!

Crulers, curling irons, electric rollers, straiteners, Makeup, nail care, and all sorts of other beauty products I rarely ever use, books, dds, cds, nic-naks, linens, electronics, Clothes - I actually just went through and put away ALL my clothes and could/should/Will Have To cut it again by at least half (gheez, what if I NEEDed that Red turtleneck), and will never notice it! What to do with all this Stuff! OK, maybe I am a bit of a Hoarder, but a controlled hoarder, as you would Never know by looking at my home!

As you can see, this is my next big hurdle and I am Stressed out by it, but I've been talking about it for a long time now, 2 years? Part of my procrastination is that I just do not want to leave my home, I Love my home, but my husband is 5 years older than I am, and he's just plain tired of yard work and home maintenance, plus he's got a bad back, and WE Want to downsize so that we can be foot loose and fancy free, and not worry about money, especially in the future! I am going to start getting Real Serious Now, You Watch! Lol!

Golden, sorry your FM is acting up! Low energy pays a big part in my lack of motivation here too, FM Sucks!

Happy Labor Day Everyone! It was this Day 14 years ago that we lost my Wonderful Mom, I sure Do Miss Her!

stacey, the MRI, CT scan and eeg are all normal.

Thank you everyone, just praying and hoping.

Sorry I do have cataract surgery number two in two weeks. After the other surgeries these don’t seem like much. Sorry my mistake.

Stacey, your mom was beautiful too! These old photos are amazing.

Glad, enjoy the process of your new home!

Stacey, it must be very hard to lose your mom as young as she must have been. My mom was 90, her brain was just plain beaten by Alzheimer's and it was time. Sad to say, and almost feel guilty. Not even my mom would have wanted to live that way.

(((SharynM))) Praying for your brother's speedy healing and a full recovery.

Golden, I hope you get to feeling better too. I know what you mean about the de-cluttering. I need Mary Poppins too!

Glad, sounds like the house is coming along! I don't see the appeal in the French door refrigerators either. It seems like they hold less than the regular side by sides. I bought a regular stainless side by side earlier this year. I like it but I'm really wishing I'd have went with black instead of stainless because it shows all of the fingerprints.

Stacey, Lol I've sometimes wished a tornado would rip through my house (when no one's home of course) and suck up some of the mess. I'm the "thrower awayer" in our house, but I am a bit of a clothes hoarder. Always love a good outfit. My hubby on the other hand, well he makes up for the both of us. Our garage is a sight to behold.

DDDuck, happy belated birthday!

Took mom to the dentist this past Friday and she kind of made a scene there but she finally did let the hygienist clean her teeth. Mom was the one complaining about her teeth a couple months ago so we had gotten that seen about (gum infection) and they said she was overdue for a cleaning which I scheduled at mom's behest.

Got a message from the manager of her facility Fri evening after she got back that she was driving her sweet neighbor lady nuts and that the lady is asking if they can move mom to a different apt. I tried calling and texting back but I think she had already left for the weekend. Guess I'll find out tomorrow or maybe it's blown over. Arrgh, I hate waiting for the other shoe to drop. For now, I'm just gonna try not to worry. Good thing we see her neurologist on the 20th.

Happy Labor Day!!

Frazzeled, Thank You!!!

Stacey, I do get things mixed up I just noticed another mix up. Lol. No offense to anyone.

I read, think I have it together and then boom! I dont. One time I was using notes to keep people in respective situation. I dont know how you all do it so smoothly. I think part of the reason is I am not on line regularly. But I see people go way back in comments, which is really cool. My apology again!




I was just checking out some pecan barbeques seasonings on line. I had one that my son had used and was great. He got it from one of those great BBQ competitions when he was in Kansas. It was delicious and when he used it up here everyone was talking about it. Anyways the one I ordered is chunky now and I was thinking to reorder and then try something knew.

I have been inspired by my new crockpot experience. Guy is coming to fix molding on fridge. I was hoping for the weather to stay cool, as I was getting things done. This hot humid weather we are back to in NY is draining. I will be glad to see the fall season really come in. Last few years it seems to stay hot later and later.

Anyways rays of love peace and happiness to all.

Briddgete, my sincerest apology, I meant Becky about cataract surgery and I dont even know how I got your names mixed or confused. I hardly see your name?! My apology again.

Becky, I apologize, I got you mixed up with Shayrn.

Sharyn, I apologize to you also!! And anyone else whom I have offended or mixed up.

I guess this is what it can feel like when dementia sets in. I am only 58 for Pete's sake.

Heavens's to Megatroy!!!!! Aye! Aye! Aye!

Duck, your comment has me Googling "Heavens to Murgatroyd!" lol This was just a bit before my time, I wasn't familiar.

Golden, Thanks!!!!

I GIVE UP!!!!!! LOL

Ddduck.
You might be surprised at how often names are mixed up by many others on the forum. You are not alone in that. I read it, know to whom they are referring, and do not call attention to it.

The humid heat, the stress can do wonders with our minds. Relax, get caught up on some sleep tonight, and keep cool.

duck - your welcome and no worries about mix ups. It happens. Haven't heard Heavens to Murgatroyd in a very long time. Thanks. Who's Brigette? Must be someone new,

sharyn - FWIW - I have a feeling your bro is going to wake up.
nite all!

dori thinking of you.

darn - thought the sweats were finished, but they are still happening a little. The good part is that they are lessening, so I must be winning the bug battle.

stacey - that's an awesome photo!

golden - thank you!

Well, I talked to the memorial "celebrant" tonight (basically the guy officiating?). I explained the problem and he says they'll make sure Creepy Cousin doesn't sit in the family pew, plus says we can pack the pew with as many of mom's friends as we like so that there's no room anyway.

I actually had a moment of wondering this afternoon....if Creepy Cousin made such a stink on FB because he was hoping to be disinvited. Then he could say he was "shut out" and play victim one more time. I'm starting to think he will have some last minute excuse (like his mom is too ill and he can't leave her), and won't show up.

Also now I have to pick the MUSIC. Just when I think I've done everything I need to do, there's another thing. Every day, there is a thing. Not even at the will probate stage yet, this is all for the funeral. And every time there's a new task, it just slams me down flat on the ground (metaphorically), and I'm bawling. And of course.....MUSIC. My kryptonite.

Though.....I really really wanted to use Chita Rivera singing "All That Jazz". It was one of mom's favourites. Bro nixed it as not appropriate. That boy is no fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_97F4CnzVBc

When I go I hope people have fun. The funeral director suggested "Wind Beneath My Wings" as a popular choice. I had to laugh to myself....my friends and I have made fun of that song so many times, I will never be able to listen to it without hearing best guy friend sing it in a big, blubbery Cowardly Lion voice. I hope he does THAT at MY funeral. Blubbery mockery and all. In fact, a big chorus of drunk, mocking, blubbery-voiced friends will do me just fine. And then maybe play "All That Jazz."

Dori

start the car, I know a whoopee spot where
the gin is cold and the piano is hot

🍸🎹🎷🎺👯

favorite tune as performed by New Orleans trad jazz singer, Banu Gibson

Perfectly fitting for the end of the service

I was changing my email address. Started typing on the wrong line. Bridgette is part of address. Didn’t backspace it out. Voila Becky is Bridgette. I think I have it fixed.

Imwas reading some stuff the heart surgeon gave me on post op issues. There are some researchers who believe that surgery in people over 65 years causes loss of cognitive function and forgetfulness. Just what I need.

Dori, All of the planning and paperwork are a pain in the butt. Don’t let it get you down.

Duck, it was my bad. I was changing my email and got Bridgette in the wrong line.

Dduck, don't you worry about mixing up people's names now and then, I don't know how people (Like GOLDEN for One!) can keep people's names straight as they do, and I actually Did used to keep a big sticky note off to the side, and refered to it often, just so I didn't mess up, I'm Terrible with names! And Happy Belated Birthday! Mine is in February, for all you who are keeping notes too, Lol!

Dori, I just had to post my Mom's pix as my Avatar, after you posted such a lovely one of Your Mom, I just Love seeing our Mom's looking so glamorous back in the day. I lost my Mom when she was only 74 to Uterine cancer, and I Definately feel cheated. She was truly the most giving, wonderful, excepting human being that I ever met in life. She Loved like no other, and everybody used to come to her for guidance. She never had a bad word to say about anyone in her life, and felt that all people are fallible, and deserve a second chance, and she Loved my husband like no other, which is one of the reasons he's put up with me so long, Lol!

I am so grateful to have had her as my Mom, and I'm so glad she gave me my 3 older sister's, (and my Brothers got the best of my Dad's), who carry those same traits. I had the best of parents, So although they passed away pretty young at only 75 and 74 and only 14 months apart, we did luck out in the parents department!

Dori, I have no doubt that you will put together a wonderful Musical Tribute for you Mom with all of your talent! Have you ever heard the song "NOT FORGOTTEN" By Peter Frampton? It is a Beautiful, slow and heartfelt ballad that would work great alone and even better with a picture slideshow, just thought I'd mention that one.

Incredibly, just Two days before our Mom passed, my 2 brother's were "forced" by us sister's to go to his concert (at this time, our Mom was actively dying in the Hospice Hospital) that they had purchased tickets to attend at our local Country Fair some months prior, but they were terrified to miss her passing, they didn't, we were all there together with our hands upon her, a beautiful and spiritual ending to her life.

Frampton played this song NOT FORGOTTEN, it's one they had never heard before, and it resonated with both my brothers, almost as a "sign" that it would be a good one to play at our Mom's funeral.

They immediately bought the CD right then and there at the Concert, and couldn't wait to play it for our Mom and us sister's in her Hospice room the next day. Our Mom was "unconscious" but hopefully she heard it, we always spoke to her as if she could hear us. We all fell in Love with it, being so appropriate to the Way in which we all knew that we would feel about her passing and afterwards. You should check it out! I have a copy of it in my car, and play it often, when I'm out driving alone, and I always end up bawling! I hope your funeral for Her is a lovely tribute to her life!

Hey Glad, have you seen that new appliance option of the darker Stainless steel, the "no fingerprint" finish? I really like it so much better than the traditional SS, you should check it out!

Frazzle, hope things settle down over the next couple of days with your Mom, maybe the teeth cleaning procedure made her a little anxious afterwards.

Night All!

Dori, We did and up playing THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS, LOL! It was a popular song in that time, and one that my Mom loved as well!