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Prayers for safety, a weakening of the storms, and common sense to evacuate in time.

Good for you, Cmagnum!

My brother is vacationing in So Carolina with his wife.
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I appreciate all the comments. Yes, I know I should boot him but alas I can't. There is no place he can go to live for free. He has enough to pay his insurance, car expense and medical expense. When he got here I balanced his finance and basically he has $20 perdiem. That is with me paying all the overheard of food and house etc. So he cant go anywhere. I could send him to my sibling but he wouldn't be welcome for long term. So I am stuck.
Every morning I get up and tell myself to be a better man, that is hard. I try to stay positive but something triggers.
I feel like a prisoner in my own home as I have made it.
Thanks for letting me vent. It is my only release.
Would I boot him out? No, I cant live with myself to do that. Besides my kids are watching how I treat him which in turn my have an impact on me.
I encourage him to get out which does get us 15 minutes of quiet time. His timing to come home is impeccable, just as we sit down to a quiet dinner or dessert..... oh well.
I am trying to be better and less about me and that I have to do this. I have a relative in the same boat for may years. Asking how she handles it she points to the empty bottle of wine we just shared..... Not that that is the answer but I get it.
I am trying to let him know when something is bothering me which is most all the time. The down side is there is nothing for us to talk about like other people do. No common interest unless he is telling a story. That gets old.
I read the threads and see how others are handling things. I at least have a mobile person and not the issues others have so really I dont have a right to complain.
Thank for listening (or reading). I will try to manage the positive attributes of this situation, not sure which ones re though.
To all of you in harms way in the Carolina's, stay safe and get out of the way. My brothers from our state swift water rescue team are on the way there now to help when it gets bad.
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"I am in my own home but he chooses to see how he can circumvent my systems and get one by me. 
Had I reacted last night he would have been on his way out of state to a relatives house with his bags packed.
I am just tired of the games he is playing but when he needs money I have to be there, when something needsd to be fixed I have to do it."

TG, you swerve between thinking that you should behave like a long suffering martyr ( and suffering in silence, to boot) and being justifiably mad as heck and your manipulative, narcissistic dad. You are throwing money that you should be saving for retirement at his wants. Stop it!

Have you gotten him on lists for housing tied to his income?
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"Besides my kids are watching how I treat him which in turn my have an impact on me"
Hm, I wonder what kind of lesson your kids are really learning - old people are h3ll and will suck you dry and I'm for sure not going to ever get myself in that position? Or, based on what happened with your daughter and her ex, Dad's a big pushover?
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TG, I know you care about your dad, but don't be a doormat. Your wife and kids need you to be strong in setting some limits with dad. The situation as it is is hurting your sanity and stressing you out, and I'm sure your wife too.

I would talk to your area Agency on Aging and social services departments about how to help dad get on the list for subsidized senior housing. He needs a place of his own and you definitely need your space back.

It's okay to love your dad and say no to him living with you, yet you can still be able to help him in other ways.
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Arrived safely but exhausted yesterday. I am going to have to pace myself better.-more later. Time for breakfast
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i've been reading a thread the adult son having trouble with his father. two things here we are all twice a child an once an adult. even the bible tell us this..so except you as all of us will have to parent our parents one day. an teaching our children is all so apart of that process. second get the book codependent no more we can not change our childhood but we can make a better tomorrow for ourselves an our children. despite the fact that they choose to stay locked in a pattern of unhappiness
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ttoday is good but it's still early.but I've come to take life moment to moment every second is a blessing good or bad.. learning that recovery is an on going process an that I have not lost the War just because I lost one battle.
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Here in SC the winds are picking up. I feel bad that my mother was evacuated seemingly early on Tuesday with the AL facility. It will be so many days as this is such a slow moving storm. Keeping all those in NC in my thoughts.
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Might just get stucco completed today, finally!😀
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I’d Be a nervous wreck if a LO was evacuated in a storm

hope everyone is protected
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Golden

hope you’re feeling better today after the drive and a good breakfast
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When’s the housewarming party, Glad?
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Golden, glad you made it safely. Get some rest! :) I know those long road trips are fun but exhausting.

Glad, good that the stucco is almost done. I know you must be excited.

Riverdale, hope you are somewhere safe in SC. I heard the entire coastline has been evacuated. Glad your mom was evacuated early, though I know it's gotta be nervewracking. We were just out there a couple months ago in the Myrtle Beach area (our first trip that far east, and first visit to SC). Stay safe!

Barbie, you are so right, recovery from dysfunction is an ongoing process. I know what you mean about the battle lol. I have had to learn to pick mine lately, it's never easy.
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aaargh - just wrote a long post and lost it.

sharyn - glad your bro has responded. Praying for more.

glad sounds good - more progress!!!

cmag -prayers for all in the hurricane's path. Stay safe

tg - you did set some boundaries with your ex son in law with good results. You could do the same with your dad and be less frustrated. e.g. if he runs out of money before the end of the month, you do not give him any more, Your kids are learning that people can walk all over you.

barbie - welcome - one day at a time is a good way to go

riverdale - hope you and your mum are ok, Hope everyone is OK.

madge and fraz - thx Finally unwound and rested today

The snow is very early here and farmers are scrambling, It is coming down like crazy now and more forecast for the next few days. Tomorrow R and I will visit mother and see how she is doing. Saturday we have an appointment. Hoping to visit with some friends after that. I owe them a meal out. And maybe a little shopping after that.

Take care all and be good to you.
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Golden, we left, but our neighbors stayed. We will get some wind and rain here, but not like an hour south and east of us. I believe our plans to go to Orlando on the 22nd are not possible.
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Golden, hope you enjoyed your breakfast!

Madge, the way this has been going housewarming might be the 4th of July, if I am lucky. Maybe close by the end of October? Kinda guessing. Hopefully the weather holds. Must start organizing the move. Trying to decide on flooring, I love hickory but it is so much color variation! White oak if we can find it. There is some on the "slow boat". You know they cut wood here send it to China for finishing? Cheaper, hard to believe.

Magnum, does not sound like Florida will work so soon. Stay safe and dry. Hope all works out well with your home. The surges and amount of rain is scary.
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Guys, wish me luck. Here we go again. So, I went to see mom yesterday as the staff said she has been isolating in her room, not going to activities, playing Bingo, etc. like she was. I had taken a break of about a week and a half since her last appt because I wanted to see if I stepped back a little if the drama would kind of die down a little (I was wondering if she was doing some of it to get at me for not being up there every day), and it did, so I was hoping she was participating more.

We went to the lobby yesterday and listened to the music that a gentleman was playing with some of the other residents, and I told her I would be back next week for her neuro appt. She was calm when I left and told me to call her when I got home, which I did but she didn't answer. Not unusual, as she thinks people are listening to her through her phone due to her paranoia.

Well just a few minutes ago, I get a call from her nurse that she put a pair of panty hose around her neck around the time that the aides come in to give her meds and was supposedly (yes, I'm not being callous when I say "supposedly" but we've been through this too many times) trying to hang herself when they walked in this morning. So she was transported to the local ER via ambulance and will probably be transferred from there to a psychiatric facility. I'm now trying to figure out the logistics of getting there, i.e. whether it would be better to go ahead and go with my 2 year old in tow, or to take my teenager out of school and have him stay with little one while I go. Hubs is on a job site in the middle of the job as we speak so can't leave.

Hopefully we get some help and some answers from the docs as to how to manage mom's condition better, and exactly what it is, which is what we've been trying to determine. She was in and out of psych facilities a lot last year and she had some similar issues around the holidays (tried to overdose right after Christmas), plus the drama with my sister, so it's not a new situation by any means, but things have escalated again lately.
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Oh, Frazzled. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I'm so sorry that your mother is so unhappy.

I don't mean unhappy in the sense of "oh poor wee lamb." I mean, you try to put yourself in the mind of someone who does these things, and it must be an awfully bleak place to live in.

And then there's the exasperation a rational person is bound to feel with someone who puts everyone through the wringer in this way repeatedly, which doesn't feel good but can hardly be helped.

As for visiting arrangements - I should call the facility and ask if you'll be able to see your mother in her room or in a family room. If so, take the little one (good excuse to keep the visit short and sweet, too); but if not, if you'll be in the residents' lounge or something, then I wouldn't; simply because you can't be sure what you'll encounter. Can't anyone else reliable babysit?
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Good Morning Frazzled. You need to rest & trust the medical & psych teams to
make an updated assessment on your mom. Don't pull the teen out of school to baby sit. Go slow, don't panic. It was good the staff came in and witnessed her trying to comitt suicide. Take the two year old & go. Make rest your focus now! You gave done all you can. Oversee her care but take care if you with time outs for yourself. Things will work out. Your in my prayers.
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So we are busting butt here for the past 2 days trying to get ready for our annual end of season party, and hubs lost 3 prep days going to the river house to get out the boat, dock etc due to flooding ( again)..and help out the elderly neighbors there do the same. So my fil calls this am at 830 am,, hubs has been outside setting up smokers and cleaning the garage,, basically scrambling.. and I was in the tub.. his message was "Ok Hubs,, get out of bed".. he called 2 times in a row! I was brought up to not call people before 9 am or after 9 pm,, fil does this all the time,, for absolutely no good reason except he is up! So of course hubs is in no mood to return THAT call.. FIL calls back again.. finally hubs talks to him around lunch. It was to tell us that one guy who comes will "eat all the crabs" so we better hide some... For Real?? It's his friend for gosh sake.. Next time mom is up at 3 am (like this am) I am going to have her call him... of course he will probably be up too.. No I won't,, but I will think about it!
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Pam

hope you have plenty of crab 🦀 be sure to offer FIL’s friend seconds 🤣

and let the answering machine take calls

lately, frick and frack must be feeling guilty they missed the Viking’s birthday - they’ve both called this week asking when they can see her?
- hoca is open 24/7 and they don’t need to check with me to visit their mom

why though they call my cell when I’m at work and then call right back when I don’t answer 🤬

frick finally left a message saying he would make an effort tomorrow- no doubt he’ll show up during her afternoon nap and be annoyed she’s asleep
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Oh Madge we will have plenty,, hubs also is smoking 2 huge briskets and we get shrimp.. and everyone brings a dish to share. It's our one and only party of the year, Other than holiday meals that are only for family... It started about 7 years ago when he was still working as a thank you for his co workers and my friends and family and a joint birthday party for both mom's. It has gotten smaller these days with him being retired, and his folks in their 90s. But we still enjoy it, and we get lots of leftover crab and shrimp to pick out and freeze for the winter. And this year we will have lots of brisket I'm sure.. the weather may keep a few away.
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fraz -hope you are Ok. Mother threatened suicide a few times, That's when we got the psychiatrists involved. It's pretty hairraising, Keep us updated.

cmag -I hope your house is OK.

glad - breakfast is always good.

waterfalls -welcome good advice

madge - boy they are annoying!!!

pam - shoulds like quite a shindig Good for you and hubs, Awesome food,

No snow today thankfully so the roads are bare but now both R and I have colds, so we are keeping contact to the minimum, and the visit to mother today is off. The best laid plans of mice and men gang aft agley!

Tomorrow we have to be in close quarters for a good part of the day, I hope both of us are better by then. Snow is forecast here again for the weekend but clear next week so I will be able to drive back safely.
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Frazzled, no wonder you are frazzled. I wouldn't take the youngster, nor take son out of school so you can check on Mom. Let the pros do their job, they will take care of mom.

Golden, thinking of you and hope all goes ok tomorrow. Snow melted already?

High temp records breaking here. Been in the low 90's this week. I would rather have snow.
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Thanks for the support. It's been a crazy day. Mom was admitted to the hospital until a psych bed opens up. The social worker there said all of the psychiatric facilities here are full. Wondering if it's a full moon!

I did go up to see mom, but as it turned out the social worker had told me to wait a little bit to see if they were going to move her to another facility, or at least to a room there at the hospital so I didn't have to wait at the ER. So I didn't have to take my little one or take my teen out of school. I decided you guys were right, I didn't want him to miss school if he didn't absolutely need to. I just went once my other kids got home and were able to watch little one for a bit. Hubs got home around then too so went with me for support. By that time, mom had just been moved from the ER to her room.

I've been really pushing to get her evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist there. In the past when she's been inpatient, I don't think she's seen a geri psych except once, but that time I think they just kept her on the meds she was on at the time, which unfortunately didn't help a lot. I'm not sure how thorough they were. I talked to them at length about her history and concerns about neuro/dementia issues, so hopefully we can get some answers and meds that help.

Mom was acting like it was a walk in the park. She asked me, "So what's going on? What have you been up to?" I was thinking, "Really??" but was trying to be kind and bite my tongue.

She told me she did this because she "just got upset". I asked her why and she said, "about stuff" but wouldn't talk about it. I told her to talk to her counselor or social worker or somebody to tell them what's wrong. She mentioned wanting to come home with me, and I told her that the manager at the facility where she lives said they are all praying for her and look forward to her coming home to her home there (she did, she is very sweet and really cares about the residents there).

Before I left, she said she did not want to go to a psych facility and wanted to know what would happen if she just walked out of there. She said she just wants to go back to her apartment. I told her since police and ambulance brought her in and she tried to hurt herself, she has to stay and get help.

It is very nervewracking. She has been tried on so many different psych meds, and it seems like she will get better for a bit, then get worse. I really hope they look more into the neuro issues.

I did tell her social worker that I was going to stay in touch with mom's doctors but that I wasn't going to be up there every day. Mom has done this so many times as a cry for attention, help, maybe both, I don't know, but I don't want to reinforce the behavior by being on call 24/7.
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Good for you fraz. You have responsibilities to your kids and that is your first priority.
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Cupboards in boxes in the garage. Must figure out flooring soon.
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Golden, hope you get to feeling better. Get some rest and take it easy.

Madge and Pam, don't you hate it when they think everyone's supposed to be up when they are, or that everyone's schedule revolves around theirs? Pam, I would be tempted too to wake him up at 3 am, especially on a night when you know he's tired! Lol.

The party sounds like fun though, I bet you'll have a good time.

Glad, what type of flooring are you thinking? Is it for the kitchen?

Good night all, ((hugs)), hope everyone is safe from the storms.
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First I thought hickory, Iove the look of it. Then all the color variation I decided it was too much. Then I thought oak, but oh so standard. Maybe maple, not sure. Even considered cork at one point. But now I am thinking bamboo, which typical for me is what I actually started with.

So frustrated. Went to a flooring store, you know the one, that we see ads for discount flooring on tv, a lot. Customer service there is awful. I was in and out of there is about five minutes. Told clerk I was thinking of bamboo, he told me that he wasn't a fan that it is too soft. Turns out that is a bunch of hooey. It is harder than oak.

For the great room and kitchen area. Carpet for bedrooms tile for bathrooms and laundry. Unfinished basement, I can roller skate down there 😁
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