Follow
Share
Read More
So last night mom called me in a huff because she imagines people are judging her for her un-mowed lawn. My brother said he would look at getting the lawn mower looked at but he has never done it. He is always making promises to her and not following through.
Anywho....
The grass is taller than knee high.
She won't let me mow it because I am a woman.
She won't let me hire someone because she wants to make the decisions.
She won't hire someone because she wants to pay family members to do it.
She wants to pick and choose which family members do it.
Family members who are nowhere to be seen.
Meanwhile the doorbell rings. She finally gets to the door and the man is walking away, pushing a lawn mower. I said "Hurry, open the door and call after him!"
She wouldn't do it.
Meanwhile, she is jealous that I got my own lawnmower fixed and I mowed last week.
I'm handicapped.
Alone.
30 miles away from her.
She is jealous of me for doing one very neccessary thing for myself, when I spend every vacation day that I take off taking care of HER.
I change the subject. Tell her how glad I am that my friend is going to come over this week and install a new kitchen faucet.
(I have been without running water in my kitchen for 2 months but have been so darn busy taking care of HER that I couldnt address it)
Instead of being happy for me she says, with much attitude-
"I need MY FAUCET replaced!"
ME: Oh? Is it not working? What is wrong with it?
MOM: "Its old, and the chrome is flaking!"
ME: Does it work?
MOM: ".....crickets...."
ME: Mom, why does your faucet need replaced? Do you have running water?
MOM: "Well, yes it works. But its old"
ME: Mom, my faucet does not work. I told you, I have to carry water from the bathroom to wash dishes, or cook or make tea....its a big problem.
MOM: "....crickets..."
ME: Mom, I have gone without running water for the entire 2 months that we have been dealing with your cataract surgeries and appointments. But I am so grateful its getting fixed this week!
MOM: "....crickets...."
"....crickets...."
MOM: "People need to stop judging me for my lawn, nobody knows what I am going through!"
At this point her phone went silent.
Ummm ok.
(2)
Report

I'm a Sagatrious, we don't lie 🤥 , I find often people honestly don't want to know the truth either.

My mom is Gemini, there is always 2 truths in her head.
(1)
Report

Omg, I am that person and I hate remembering everything. It's hard when people lie on themselves not to remind them. I do try, unless I feel they cross lines that should never be crossed, like physically assaulting a demented senior or physically abusing them, then I will never forget or let it go.
(4)
Report

more words of wisdom 🙂

A liar’s worst enemy is someone with a good memory.
(6)
Report

more words of wisdom 🙂

When people know they did you wrong they avoid you.
(5)
Report

words of wisdom for today 🙂

Have you ever lost all respect for someone? Like you don’t hate them but you don’t feel the need to say anything to them anymore.
(7)
Report

Bob, www.outofthefog.net might be a helpful website for you to peruse.
(3)
Report

Blickbob, your moms using fear to control you, I've been there, done that.

Have you read up on the Gray Rock Method, online. If you stop giving into her anxiety, and just brush it off, it should get a little better. She is doing it for control and wants you to be as high anxiety as she is, I suspect it's working too.
(2)
Report

Deleted
(0)
Report

Bob - those kind of rules are for children, not for a grown man or woman. Adults do not have to do everything their parents or anyone else wants or tells them to do or not do. They can decide for themselves.

I understand you want to "keep the peace". However, that's very costly peace. It's costing you your independence and a life of your own.

Is it really worth it?

Wishing you the best for you in this situation.
(1)
Report

@Beatty

Pretty much. She values safety and security more than recovery. And it's why she shrinks my world.

I'm not allowed to shovel snow out of the driveway. Couldn't go across town to drop some things off for classmates because I didn't have a phone. Not allowed to go to my dad's best friend's funeral because of flu concerns. Have to walk through the yard and open the small fence gate to go next door and not walk next to the street and avoid the plants that are lined up along most of the fence. Can't even do a tree branch comparison.

Back in college, she tried talking me out of seeing my alma mater play a road football game an hour away from my college town citing traffic concerns in the big city that's en route and that hardly anyone from my hometown would be there. Traffic wasn't bad at all and the visitor's section was nearly full with people from my hometown. 10 years ago, she disapproved of me buying an air gun pistol. When I bought it, I was three months removed from graduating COLLEGE.

During junior high, she wouldn't let me walk home. I had to ride the bus with my dad all the way through his route twice a week. One of his stops was at the high school and our house was 60 seconds away. It took 15 minutes to walk home going the long way. The short way was a no go because of two large drainage ditches. I didn't tell her I walked home for much of my junior year of HS until I got my driver's license. She assumed I had friends give me rides home.

These are things normal parents don't pull on their adult kids. There's a reason children of overprotective parents go no contact with them once they're finally out of the nest.
(4)
Report

Blick, a tree can look healthy and be brittle because it is dying, it is a weird phenomenon. If the arborist said it needs cut, I would trust them. However, cut can mean trimmed up because branches get damaged and create a danger or cut down because the tree is unstable and a true hazard. If you think it wasn't a true arborist, get a second opinion, big trees are a long time replacing.
(2)
Report

"She's been afraid of things going wrong since she was 12"

OK. That's how she is then.

Do her feelings of fear control everything?
(1)
Report

@Isthisrealyreal

She did. The arborist said the tree she suspects the down branch was from needs to be cut.

I try not to rock the boat, but it gets more ridiculous. It just keeps piling up.

She mostly likely thinks I would slip and fall and hurt myself. She's been afraid of things going wrong since she was 12.
(0)
Report

Blick, you should call an arborist to come and check the trees.

Just curious, you say she won't let me but, she is bed ridden, how does she stop you? Think about this.
(4)
Report

Last week, a limb fell onto part of the fence on the rental property. It wasn't all that big, but it did somewhat damage part of the fence. My mom thinks it was from one tree, but based on the picture of the down limb, it looked like it was from a tree that was 10-15 ft away from the tree in question. Both trees are in our backyard and both are healthy.

I wanted to go out and compare and contrast the down limb from one of the limbs from the tree she thinks it came from, but she won't let me. She thinks the tree in question is the one & wants it torn down to protect both property and the renters and doesn't want me out in the backyard because it rained an inch at our house last night. It isn't flooded btw.

It's all I can do not to go off on her. It would've taken literally a minute to compare branches.
(1)
Report

More words for today:
🙂

You should really come with a warning label.
(3)
Report

Today’s words of wisdom:
⭐️⭐️⭐️

I may love to shop, but I will never buy your bull.
(5)
Report

Welcome, Osmosis - sorry for your dysfunctional family. It is hard to deal with. Good luck with the POA revocation. let us know what happens.

Wondering how or if I can start communication again with my dd. Her BPD has flared up with the move, she has made some unwise financial decisions which has put them under a lot of pressure (=debt) and I have bailed her and them out before but I believe that has to stop. They may as well learn better how to handle their finances now than after I and whatever money they get from me is gone.
(1)
Report

Quote for today:

“If their absence brings you peace, they were the problem.”
(6)
Report

Hi Osmosis,
I would contact APS (Adult Protective Services) about all you have told us. They can intervene to check on things for you.
I hope you will do so and let us know how that goes for you and your Mom.
(1)
Report

Hi osmosis, welcome to are Forum, when you get time fill out you're profile. Lots of us here have had these issues, ask anything you want in questions, or vent away.
(0)
Report

Not good POA not paying bills sibling intercepting mail mom's requested monthly bank statements are missing

Im trying to get POA revocation ASAP () mom's rapid recliner, her lawyer is semi-retired, not available, slow to respond. Lies told to me and about me.
(0)
Report

Today’s words of wisdom:
⭐️⭐️⭐️

I don’t have a problem with those who don’t like me,
but I do have a problem with those who pretend to.
(5)
Report

Margaret, thanks for that info. I try to keep up on that stuff, knowledge is power. I've been very lucky the drug epidemic hasn't touched my imidiate family, but I like to know what I can .
(0)
Report

Anyone with drug problems in their family? This mornings news here says "Nitazenes found to have caused the four deaths in Melbourne were estimated to be 100 times more potent than heroin. The manufacture of nitazenes was driven by the opioid epidemic in the US, which was creating a market for the drugs even as it killed up to 90,000 Americans annually". Yuck!
(1)
Report

My mom's phone has been having issues detecting the SIM card. On some occasions, it would say no SIM card and I would have to turn it off and turn it back on.

As a result, she's been using my phone of late to text and call her friends and neighbors. She has hardly been on her own to make sure it didn't get too hot and it would cause the SIM card to move out of place just enough to cause issues.

I got her an iPhone case to see if that can help remedy the SIM card situation and it doesn't get moved out of place. I got it set up and...

...she's still using my phone.

She's currently contemplating buying a tracphone. She refuses to get another iPhone and let the current one be used as an iPod Touch, even though she won't lose her texts or pictures on it.

It only gets more ridiculous. If the case doesn't remedy the situation, then it'll be proof she's on her phone way too much and at the computer too little. She was on the computer TWICE all of last year.
(0)
Report

that quote i posted down below is just a warning of how toxic/narc people think:

“I’m comfortable with you being my scapegoat.”
(2)
Report

Also today’s words of wisdom:
🙂🙂🙂

“Life is too short to be normal.
Stay weird.”
(1)
Report

⭐️⭐️⭐️
Today’s words of wisdom:

“The most effective way to do it, is to do it.”
(3)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter