The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Just an update from a previous post....A woman I went through school with went missing a few months ago...she has returned home. I don't know the details as to why she left...but she is safe and home.

Ho Ho Ho!!
I am loving the takes on the Christmas Carols for us dysfunctional queens from disoriented are,LOL!! That fits sis, me and mom too!!

Joan~I have not eaten venison or other wild game...never had the opportunity. My brother who lives in Montana is a wild game hunter, elk and deer. From what they told us, they can only eat it 2 times a week because they get diarrhea from it. I have had wild birds like duck and pheasant. Mom grew up with having wild turkey for the holidays...haven't had that either. Once a year, here in town, they have dinner (don't know who sponsors it), it is all wild game, bear, elk, deer, bison, etc.

I agree with you regarding sis, it is her problem. This is the first time she has had to deal with feeling insecure at work. I think some things are happening to her later in life regarding these issues, than when I experienced them earlier in life...causing me to change how I looked at life. You know, when you get hurt badly enough, you either grow from it or become more closed up. For the most part, I grew...whether sis can do that at this point in her life (I am not sure she grew after 3 failed...major relationships in her life), she either blames herself entirely or blames the men entirely...there is a middle area where most of us can see what we did wrong and change it. Sis doesn't change it. Of course she blames mom.

On a happier note, I am off on Thanksgiving, YAY!!! I am also off on Friday which I requested because I figured I would Thanksgiving and we would have dinner on Friday. That has changed, we will have dinner on Thanksgiving. I plan to put up the Christmas tree on Friday...get all that out of the way since last year, we didn't do it until a couple days before Christmas. Normally we don't put a tree up this early, we usually do it on my birthday which is 12/15. I want to get it done so I don't have to deal with it later. I am going to get a couple cookie platters for the caregivers in the memory care unit with a card thanking them for all their dedicated service for all the residents.

Yes, I do believe that moving our mom to another room is best. I told sis not to expect a complete turn around with mom in regards to her thanking us for it, but I do believe it help to rid some of her anxiety so she does not feel she has to stand guard at her door. We will go in to decorate it with curtains, family pics, plaques of recognition from work and the church...that no longer recognizes her. I think that with our mom, it is best to put the focus on herself instead of loved ones. I will bring down her Christmas village from the rafters to put some of the buildings in her room for the holidays. We haven't set a date yet but probably after thanksgiving. If sis pulls her game again like she did when we first moved mom there...her orchestrating the whole thing, I will bow out. Not because I want control, but I am not going to deal with someone who wants to follow exact rules of how to hang a picture...no patience for that stuff..and really mom isn't going to notice, only sis will.

Enjoy this next week, the holiday...embrace it and be Thankful!!

ju - that's funny!!! hehehehehe!

re be careful - I know - either I need to get busy and get fitter if I am going to do things like that or not do them. Maybe a few rounds on the exercycle daily...

Joan, do be careful!!

Thanks everyone for being here!!!

My chuckle this morning was my sweet Mama....Tuesday at the height of my cold I was laying in my recliner/bed here coughing and sneezing like crazy all morning....nose would not stop running so I stuffed tissues up it. have a big scab on my chin from a freak accident with a "hot Pocket" anyway I am miserable looking and feeling I look over and she says her thing "Oh you are so pretty, my pretty girl"
And I am wondering who the hell she is talking too?, certainly cant be me!!
Well I just reflected on this moment this morning... "A face only a mother could love, heehheehehe" cracked me up!

glad. I think the titles are it, but you could make up lyrics yourself. It would be more fun than worrying about the family dynamics. Christmas music and advertising this early gets to me too. Isolated!!! I identify with that and not because I am stuck in looking after a senior, unless you call looking after myself the same thing. I go days with seeing no one but the mail lady (and she doesn't chat), and the odd delivery person. G is away for most of the week at times and with the cold weather, my car wouldn't start and I don't want to go out in it anyway.

The other night a deer squeezed through the fence by the chimney and came into the back yard. I was not impressed. They have already eaten my globe cedar in front, so we had to trim it to a half globe. I have 3 large pyramidal cedars and a globe cedar in back and I don't want them eaten. They seem to particularly like cedar, and I am the only one who has them in this area. It was late when I noticed, so I hauled on my big boots, put a warm coat on over my night attire and went out to inspect. Found a couple of wooden pallets in the back and lugged them through the snow to the two gate areas to close off the spaces as best I could, and positioned a couple of planks in addition. Then went inside and figured I was foolish to do it at my age, but no harm seems to have been done. How's that for a crazy old woman?

When the going gets tough, the tough get going, and sometimes we need to be silly too. I think the three queens would fit my sis and my mum and I too.

I'll start:

We three queens disoriented are,
Bearing grudges from near and far
Younger and older, anger will smoulder,
Leaving many an emotional scar.

Ohhh oh - scars of anger, scars of hurt...

and I mean absolutely no disrespect to the One on whom the original star shone. He is my all in all.

((((((((hugs))))))) to all, be good to you and do something a little silly today so you can laugh at yourself.

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”
by William W. Purkey

And live like it's heaven on earth.” ...

Memo-
Where is the We three queens dysfunctional are? Would be perfect for my two sisters and I! Thanks for the chuckle, really needed it this am sitting on my pity pot, and feeling so isolated! Had lunch out yesterday, Christmas music already? Come on! Sorry, going to take me quite awhile to get used tithe idea of moose and butchering it too! EeeeeeWwwwwww!

cm - sensible can wait. It is OK to be unsensible, even insensible occasionally, if for the right reasons...

Emjo stop! For goodness sake I'm trying to be sensible and deal with family doctor right now, it won't help if I keep tittering to myself… x

glad - lol - moose is good meat, as is caribou, elk, bison etc. I have a degree in science so butchering comes naturally for me and I don't gross out easily. People here value wild meat. I gross out at processed foods, recipes that call for things like hamburger helper, or Pillsbury buns etc. Make it from scratch for goodness sake, then you know what is in it. I know what the moose eat and they aren't filled with antibiotics. I think a large part of current health issues relates to processed food, fast food and so on. There are trans fats in more than you think and they not on the label. Alz is being related to diabetes type 2. I do think, in part in some cases, lifestyle makes a difference.
I will get off my soap box now. :)

Well I did mess that post up, but that's OK. Lol
To continue...
glad - holidays do bring out some deep feelings which are things dysf. fams. do not deal well with, and the narcissist have to create more drama to be the center of attention. Have you seen Christmas carols for the psychologically challenged?
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are
3. Amnesia --- I don’t know if I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8 Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...
10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House
11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe
12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
Laughter helps.
cmag - I have found that that any special occasion brings out the dysfunction
countrymouse - detachment and boundaries. Mother did her best to ruin my last Christmas last year, so I tightened the boundaries, detached more and did not see her. I have changed my expectations to expect difficulties from her and have decided that I am not playing the games. Yes, it may be terrible in some people's eyes that I did not visit my mother at Christmas, and I expect that she made a point of letting some people know she was alone. What they don't know is that she was very nasty before I came to visit, and refused to see Gary. I drew a line in the sand, the result of which was that I did not visit. Probably she will never forgive me for that, but that is her problem, not mine. Keeping your dignity is important –
book - the whole matter of gifts can become such an issue. I like to KISS - keep it simple and also not expect much. There are lots of sites where you can buy information about people. It is a bit shocking, you have developed a good strategy with your reading and blank look. Sounds like you gave your sis some very pretty pieces. Glad you stood your ground with your ex bf
Austin, I am like you. I refuse to get crazy over Christmas. That is not what it is about. I decorate very little, and at the last moment usually, keep gifting easy. Even the grandkids are getting old enough they are happy with a little money. G and I exchange a little, but not much. I am at a point in life where I want to get rid of stuff, not accumulate more. The spirit of Christmas should be year around in my view. Brightening someone else's life in any way is a good gift.
cmag - couldn't agree more about staying in a hotel room and going for walks. It keeps me sane.
margeaux - good for you for speaking up to your hubby about the negatives, I am better at that than I used to be. G is pretty up beat but gets down once in a while, and he takes it well. I am happy if he does the same for me. There are others, like mother who make a career of complaining, and usually redirecting the convo works better. Yes it is draining. I do agree about not going overboard trying to please people with expensive gifts. It is very superficial.
juju - making gifts is a great idea. I have had some inappropriate gifts from mother too. It used to hurt but not so much anymore. Hope your cold is better. Talking with a bff always helps. Hope you are making some holiday plans. Carol singing sounds great!!!
marialake Hi - I don't think what you wrote and feel is awful. But for your own sake, letting go of the anger would be good. Hearing others say how wonderful he was is not easy. I have heard that about my mother in the past and I think – “If you only knew" and let it go. But, I have done a lot of work dealing with anger. Writing it out - maybe in a letter form to him might help. Then burn the letter as a symbol of letting it go.
twentanon -yes, peace... hope... joy...
Sharyn –I pray for the same for you

Think I have this post straight so better hit “SUBMIT”

EMJO, all I can say is EeeWwww.

HI all and welcome to the newbies. This is a good place to share and vent, and learn things,

We had a real cold spell, but it is up to the freezing point now which is much better. The car actually started yesterday with no problem.

Sharyn -you mention about your sis behaving as she did when she drank. Alcoholics can go on "dry drunks" where, even if not drinking they can act the same way, have the same attitudes. Usually this is due to not dealing with the feelings/issues they have in life. I think your sis has similar to your mum. Talking with my sis I noticed that she often referred to things being special. her food allergies - no one has seen anything like them. Her room and treatment in the hotel - very special and so on - just like mother. You are right PDs want what is unavailable and love being the victim. A different room for you mum sounds like a good idea, considering that episode. Glad she is not trying to escape any more. Sorry your sis feels insecure in her job, but nothing you can do about it. I went through a period like that at work when things ere being reorganized, but it ended up not affecting me. It happens and she will have tp deal with it.
madeaa - acceptance helps a lot. "more changes than carter's got pills" . haven't heard that on a long time. Gotta go with the flow. Hope your mum is slowly settling down - not that there will not be some problems.

Going to post this so I don't lose it and continue...

countrymouse - I think Canadians are particularly blasé about the cold, ice and snow. We get so much about it. I know there are places in the US where schools get shutdown in bad weather. Here I can only remember that happening once in over 30 years. Love the story about the drought announcement in the pouring rain. I love the UK. Spent many happy years there. Canadians talk about weather too.
glad and cm - yes, moose soup! I will make soup out of anything. Gary got moose last year. They were eating hay bales which were stored for the horses. We did some major butchering in the kitchen. I had moose blood on the ceiling!!! He was going to throw the ribs away and I said Keep them for soup! You can make anything out of moose - stew, pot roast, steak, stir fry, hamburger dishes, (we ground some) etc. The biggest problem is having a big enough soup pot. I had pics on f b of a pronghorn head with antlers in my big soup pot - not for soup, but to clean the skull.
ju - glad to see you posting again and thinking ahead even if the picture is not rosy. As much as possible you need to look after you and your future too. I cannot imagine how you deal with all that you do. My last nerve would be beyond frayed.
margeaux -I always take a painkiller before I go to the dentist. I do think it helps. I think sis was stressed by mother. She didn't mean physically tired. Distance/detachment is the wisest.
gmaanndsam - sorry about your stress, that your gma's dementia is progressing fast and that your family can't see it. We see that here time and again that family are in denial. My sis who has a diploma in counselling - still does not accept that our mother has a personality disorder, though it was diagnosed about 6 yrs ago. It doesn't help, nor do the "imperious" demands for information at their convenience.

Margeaux~Yes, my sis made me very angry that day...she also got on this kick saying that since I have had Midget, she has gotten fatter, she doesn't like that the groomer is cutting Midgets ears shorter saying she looks like she has a bob cut. For some reason my sis has pushed the idea of letting my brother have Midget using the excuse that he has 3-4 other dogs for her to play with. He also has 4 other cats...Midget can't handle not being the center of attention, LOL!!, she learned from my mother!!! I have one cat for her learn to socialize with and there are times she is too territorial with him...how would she handle 4 other dogs and cats? Sis just doesn't want mom to see Midget on a subconscious level, IMO...to deprive mom of any pleasure.

It is the same thing with sis at her job. She felt being in corporate and being in accounts receivables gave her recognition of being important. In the beginning, she was doing really great because she was the one who initiated going after customers who were defaulting on their accounts. She made calls to customers and payments started coming in so they made it her primary job and she was included in conference calls every Monday. This made her ego soar to the point that we were not to expect any communication from her on Mondays, do not bother her with emails. Then her health took a nose dive and over that last 5 years sis's popularity at work came to halt. She feels they owe her because of all the years she has worked for them, her loyalty to them and can't accept that she is no longer corporate but just a regular employee with no real job security. I know this is hard for anyone to take with their employer, but it is the hard cold reality of the world we live in. Her employer has been basically loyal to her in return by putting her in a data entry position with no reduction in pay. What it all comes down to, is sis wants attention for her work, either on the job or privately...doing things for our mom. This is our family dysfunction that she has yet to work out...she is not going to get lots of kudos at work for just being competent...and mom is not going to recognize anything she does for her because 1) it is expected of her as a daughter, 2) mom has a personality disorder and her world revolves around herself, 3) mom has Alzheimer's Disease, her world revolves around herself. Sis needs to quit seeing herself as a solution to everyone else's issues and focus on accepting that she is not the fixer of everyone's issues who gets kudos for doing it.

I do hope for my sister's sake that they are no going to reduce her hours...sis plans on working until...she basically passes away. She says she can't afford to live any other way.

Hugs to you!!
Sharyn

Welcome, LEHaven. There are so many people here with so many different experiences never a day goes by that I don't learn something new. I also realize I am not alone, there are lots of dysfunctional families out there! My siblings called APS to have me investigated for financial exploitation. They knew it was a completely false report when they did it. I too, said bring it on because maybe then they would finally believe what I had been telling them. The investigation went very quickly and was closed within weeks. The nerve of them! I care for my mom with AD, and her husband with general age related decline, though I see his brain slipping every day. I was so careful about not doing anything that could even be scrutinized by APS. Never in my life was I so relieved to be an honest person. One thing I would have liked to have seen are the reports that were generated from the investigation but was told the only person to see it, unless subpeonaed, is a judge. Let sis have at it, the report could be a good thing to have in a court file in case you end up there.

Christmas can be stressful and depressing. I try not to get into the hype of the consumerism. When things are peaceful in the house hold I do my Christmas cards to all my friends and family, write little notes in each one and draw holiday pictures on the envelopes. Buys or make gifts for the kids in our family. I make "tooth fairy bears' that have a pocket to hold a tooth the kids can sleep with. Never been able to test and see if it's possible to get the bear away when they sleep with it and not wake them up! That must be where "the monster under the bed" comes from when we trying to be the tooth fairy LOL!

Thank you for the welcome Carolynn and bookluvr. I worked in healthcare for almost 15 yrs. I still don't understand why it's such a threat to call a hotline number for "elder abuse." It is after all there to protect seniors. My dad has expressed he doesn't want to have to deal with all of that. But you are absolutely right. My sister will continue to try anything to keep us in her crazy world she rules. But mom and dad are done with it. If they don't want to call her they don't have to. She can post anything she wants and we ignore it, she cal call Social Services and we are all more than welcome talk with them. We are taking the power away from her ruling my parents emotional well being. She might get more drastic and has. It's the same vicious circle and we've decided to leave her alone in it. I think my parents have better ways to enjoy their lives than to waste it on a hopeless situation. I don't use their phone, I have my own. Their phone is theirs to do what they want. My mom has over 200 family members she talks to on FB all the time.

Mom and dad get out a couple times a week, Dr appointments or some shopping, or just plain fun with people I know. They didn't have very many friends when they first came back to Washington. But when I came back in 2008 they have met many of my friends who have become their friends and call them mom and pop. A lot of business owners I know give them the royal V.I.P treatment when we go out. There is a senior organization here locally but they don't go to it very often. They have their favorite places to go. Bingo sometimes, a walk in the mall when it's to cold out, library, movies, lunch, hanging out with friends over coffee. A lot depends on their energy too. Dad and I try to help mom stay out of the crossfire. She really has delicate emotions and when stressed out can go into a respiratory distress. It happens all to many times. She's had a very emotional and physical abusive father and it doesn't take much for those flash backs to come on. I appreciate the support here so very much. I will be coming back to here the support and see the resources. I need a place to vent when things get overwhelming. I talked to my dad about coming here for support too but he doesn't want to. I think he's pretty much old school from 1930's lol! But anyways, thank you much. I'll check in later to get more used to the interface here and all the other things that help us to take care of ourselves so we can be best of help for our loved ones. (((hugs)))

Hi LastResort and LEHaven, welcome!
LastResort – I'm so glad that you are making your family come first. With the economy suffering, I would not even think of quitting and relocating. Your mom has a perfectly good house that she can move in but refuses. If she continues to worsen, you may feel obligated (or not) to bring her into your home. I strongly do not recommend this. If she has income, there are other options like Assisted Living and similar housing for the elderlies. Worse case scenario, she can sell her new home to pay for her new home, Assisted Living. When a parent moves in, they expect to be catered completely above your spouse, children and your life. So beware of the Guilt the parents try to impart. Thank goodness that there are always Alternate options other than having a parent move in!

LEHaven, with your sister threatening Social Service, they will be obligated to interview you all. I've read here where this has happened with several of the posters. It's a tedious procedure. And every time it happens (same sibling - several times), the Social Service finds Nothing Wrong. Unfortunately, she will continue to haunt you all..until she bleeds you all dry. Even then, she may not believe it and think you're lying.

Are your parents active members of the senior citizen organization in your area? If not,perhaps they can join. There are activities in which the senior citizens go to weekly. In our small island, they go to the free community center (for everyone, even a basketball gym, tennis court, etc..), play bingo, dance, free lunches, etc… This way they get to have new friends and enjoy it.

Hello all :-) I'm new here. I've come here to share and read stories like these. I just found this forum today and really like the support and courage everyone has here. I was un-nerved by some evens today, and after reading these posts I was able to relax more and find some humor that takes away the panic attacks that arise in me. I don't know where to start...I've been living with my parents since 2008. My mom has a lot of health issues, and my dad can only do so much every day with her. I'm the back up anytime he needs it. I'm also the live in first responder. My sister contantly tries to find ways to involve everyone in her Psycosis craziness. A better way to describe her would be the "evil incarnate" that's sucks the life and joy out of everyone and tries to bring everyone with her in her downward spiral. She plays the emotional blackmail all the time with my parents. She lives 3 thousand miles away "thank the higher forces" but still tries so hard to make everyone as miserable as her and then gets a kick out of it. I haven't spoken to her in over two years but she still calls to scream and yell at my mom and dad, or be really, really nice when she wants something. Then when she gets it from my dad it's right back to attacking everyone and saying horrify things on social media. We all have a computer or tablets and have seen some of the most outragouse stories she tells everyone. But we stopped looking and blocked. Same with the phone. If dad isn't up to a new crisis with her, he shuts it of. If he doesn't call her back she started to leave messages that she would call social services if he doesn't. I started to get so upset a frustrated with the way she treats my parents. I started having horrible panic attacks. I try not to get my parents all frenzied up in one too. My mom can't handle talking to her. She puts my mom into respiratory distress. (my mom has end stage COPD and is on oxygen 24/7 and zanax to keep her calm. She's had a very abusive childhood.) So we ignore the "side show of doom" and just try to make the best of life for mom and dad. So now she wants to call Social Services in, and after reading some posts here, I'm saying "Yes! Please do" She used and evil menacing voice to say it too. My dad and I found humor in her threating voice. Not all days are easy. some just make it hard to sleep at all. But stepping back and seeing the whole picture and using my energy on what's more important gives me and my parents a better quality of life. I try my best to do this everyday. Thank you for this forum. I look forward to more sharing on this topic. :-)

I do miss the holidays when we had 15-16 family members here. My favorite part of the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas), is when we all sit down to eat dinner. Having everyone around the table talking and enjoying each others company.

We keep things simple, it is only 4 of us now. I do make the traditional turkey dinner with all the sides. As far as gifts go, with our son and daughter, we send them gift cards...it is just easier since they live far away. Our daughter's birthday is Monday, her hubby bought her a portable sewing machine...we got her a gift card for JoAnns Crafts and Fabrics.

A co-worker of mine, she has a brunch at her house...puts on a whole spread of food and serves mimosa. She feels that since her children are married, they should be making their own traditions within their immediate families and by having a brunch, they are free to see in-laws and do their own thing the rest of the day.

My mother has told me (her only child) all my life that she had me to "take care of her in her old age. She is now 96. I think she has gotten there, but she still treats me at 60 as if I were 6. I am married with 3 kids and 3 grandkids , one of whom I have full custody of, who is now 8. I spent the last year five driving hours away from my husband and grandson, in order to take care of her and her sister, my aunt who is developing dementia. Mom bought a house near me a couple years ago so I could take care of her but now refuses to move in. She is throwing a fit because I told her I was willing to take care of her near me but not willing to move in with her. My husband has a good job here, my grandson is in a great school, we own our home, etc. She moved home to take care of her mother when I was 5 and my dad lived and worked several hours away and came on weekends. Grandma had cancer and was only supposed to live 6 months. She lived 12 years. I am glad I had my grandmother but I am not willing to put my grandson through what I went through. Mom tells me I don't "value family" enough and tries to guilt me into coming back. My stand is I am ready and willing to care for her in her new house but I will not sacrifice my husband and grandchild and my future to her. She has Macular degeneration and cannot see well but won't move because she "has to take care" of her 91 year old sister with dememntia. My middle son is there trying to help but he can only do so much. Dad is ready and willing to move, Mom wont budge. I am at my wits end.

This is difficult to hear about a deceased who wasn't nice during their life time, then one has to hear the nice comments about them.

The reason I came to this thread, going on three years now, was because of a narcissistic aunt. She was mom's older sister. My sister the main caregiver had her hands more than full, then also mom. She was horrible, truth be told.
She did everything from abuse to my sister, her daughters, me, the caregivers.
After she passed one of the paid CG's confessed to my sister, that on one occassion as she was trying to brush our aunt's hair, she pulled the brush out of the CG's hand, and hit her on the head with it. She also caused so much division w/in the family by first favoring, our brother "golden boy," with mother being her accomplice. He had POA, and was spending their money. But later, she got into a fight w/him, revoked it, and it was handed over to my sister.

But about a year just before she died, she was already trying to divide again, by bad mouthing my sister to our youngest brother. He's been the fence squatter in terms of being involved in family squabbles, and caregiving. But while the threat of POA, being handed over to him.....there seemed to suddenly be some tension between my sister and him. Obviously, he was believing some of whatever it was our aunt was saying about my sister. She made my sister think that POA had been revoked, meanwhile she was living there in mom's home w/my sister, being cared for by her, etc. and getting all her needs met. Thank the cosmos, that the attorney who handled the matter, messed up, and never filed it properly.

But when she passed......I was totally insensed by the fact that I come into the funeral parlor. I sat way up front next to mom, and my siblings. I looked straight ahead, to look at the open casket. I was shocked to see the inscription on the inside of the lid of the casket an inscription which read, "Mother."
I mean my real mother, was sitting right next to me, so this really felt like a slap in the face. Now this apparently, was no sloppy mistake from the funeral parlor, either. I tried asking my sister what this was about a month after the burial.
My sister explained to me, that when she and my two brothers went to plan the funeral, there weren't many caskets to choose from. She also said that if we wanted one w/o that inscription we would have to wait, like they would have had to order it. I didn't believe this explanation, really had the gut instinct my sister was lying to me. But this really drove home the point to me, HOW DYSFUNCTIONAL, my siblings really are!!!!!!!! Especially my sister! She who for the last 2.5 yrs. had called me daily w/complaints about our aunt, and now to think they'd succumb to sick idea by putting, "Mother," on the casket.

So I do understand what terrible feelings and emotions this has got to stir up, in many of us. Many tines too.....I just feel that people just say stupidity because they have a need to say something, something many times very far from the truth!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Well thru another week and things are looking up....guess I had a little mini meltdown brewing here for a while and blew up again. But it made me get of my pity pot! Having a nasty cold all week didn't help, I get so tired of every day routine,and then being sick on top of it. Well i called my bff and we talked for hours and i feel much better. I also took a baby step in area's that have held a great deal of pain and fear for me (therefore i ignore them). that alone i think really helped. to face the fear and deal with it, put a feather in my cap!!!

I do need to get a plan together for the holidays tho, it is a time that makes me feel disconnected not having any family. Actually that is a lot of my disconnect in general....i came to realize thinking about this. I have always felt disconnected or that i didn't fit in because of the lack of family....and especially children...it was never my choice not to have children, i wanted to, it just didn't happen. And as age and time go by that one really bothers me (BTW i turned 50 in October and that wasn't a good moment for me as i was under so much stress it got to me, it seems to be a milestone of sorts for me) anyway....how did this happen? what is the reason for this??? oh I ramble on here....
but my point is that i do need to prepare for the holidays

Austin, i love the idea of doing something for the folks in a ALF/NH....Usually i bake bake bake, but we have no kitchen, or money for that matter, maybe me n mom could just go an visit and sing carols or whatever.
Well thanks for letting me vent this week again, it was therapeutic for me, feeling much more positive and motivated, i had been stuck and frustrated again for a bit!!!!
Hope you all have a wonderful day and weekend!
Peace,
Juju

Shary AC does get gliches from time to time

I have tried posting 3 times now and have been blown off the site...Later!!

My wish for Christmas is acceptance from family members are clannish and so exculsive within their own blood line they can see the worth of people who marry into their family.

I was thankful at my husband's memorial service no one said how nice he was-he was not- so that made it easier for me but others have said how nice he was I just let it go and do not respond-of course he could put on an act for others but the fact no one he worked with came to his service or even called me said a lot.

Maria - that's hard to take, all the platitudes and compliments about the late lamented (or not so lamented, in your FIL's case) when you know for a fact he was a right $*&!!*%*!. Nod and smile, keep your dignity until the funeral is over. Then you can spit where you like...

Yes, lewentanon, peace from all the family doings! That is the only way for me.

The only gift I want is peace,
I do not care about those things
it is the people, I want to see.

I hope it will be distraction free,
for all of us.