
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Please come back here as often as you want, and I understand that you can only share to a point, but you can always add other details. Some of us have done this here to protect our own privacy, and there's nothing wrong with that.
But please seek out help, if you are really feeling this. Try to have the faith, that this too shall be different. Meanwhile, your request is granted.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
What happened to your posts? Mango ice cream sounds good.
Yes, the coffee flavor is good, but not at night time, besides.....I need to stay away from dairy, so not a good idea for me.
Do you really think a letter would accomplish much?
I understand, though. I too, am thinking of telling my sister I'll watch mom on the weekend, as a way of making it up to her for her birthday, of last week I couldn't accommodate. But then, I was also thinking of just doing it, w/o the fluff of telling her. I have to watch this kind of stuff w/my sister because she interprets this as power plays coming from her end, something I know in my case has to do w/the dysfunction, which I have to stay on my toes about. There is something to the saying, "There's no being nice to some people."
All right Emjo I hope you feel stronger, and you're in my thoughts!
Ahhh the kitty, I still miss little Osiris. Maybe it's his way of taking care of you.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Oh....I'm sure sorry you're sister is acting up to the point of you backing out of the sale, but totally understand your position!! It's good that your husband and you, put your foot down with her, also. I find it really hard too, when anyone acts as if they're doing you some favor, no matter how nice it only appears to them.
Given that your husband also recently had his own health issue, it could be, that he just wasn't ready to fuss with moving furniture, not to mention yourself! Pushy, pushy!! I don't blame you for at all for backing out of the sale.
Yes, I'm having to watch my money too. No matter what, with these gas prices,
we are all feeling this.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Madeaa, I am so glad that your mum is settling down finally. It seems to take a few weeks at least.
minus 17, with wind chill feels like minus 33 here, more snow, and I am going out for dental surgery - I must be nuts!!! I hope the car starts.
Have a good day, everyone.
Of course, the Nursing homes and Assisted living places are against it - claiming liability issues and privacy laws. Yeah, right! Liability issues because the family can sue them for physical abuse or elderly abuse.
Please hang in there, Tomatilla. Your mom needs you now. And remember, her brain is slowly dying. She is not her normal self anymore. And the facility should be held responsible. As a facility for elderlies, they should have known that these elderlies are no longer of "sound mind." You come here and vent and vent. {{ HUGS }} to you
Well we finally got moms cast off last week, and she also had a check up and gained few pounds, I like that! I am sorry if I was bitchy or rude back in august when I was so frustrated with her Dr's getting the leg treated. it has been a long year of awful mistakes by our medical and care professionals here...rendering her wheelchair bound. Anyways...I learn with each experience I hope! Just fear the next time I need medical help for her or me for that manner...
Anyway I need to check in more often! will make a point of it!
Wishing the best to you all!
Peace,
Juju
Joan~My sister is not going to budge on having the sale so I am backing out, let her handle it. Less headaches and stress for me in the long run.
Yesterday sis rented a uhaul for all the furniture she is taking to her house. My nephews helped her (they did all the work of course), loaded up everything, drove it all to her house and unloaded it. Then they brought back sis's old couch and dinette set to sell with all of mom's stuff.
Sis and I ended up in a fight because she would not listen or accept no for an answer. Hubby came over to get the small chest freezer for our garage, logically it would have been the best opportunity for us to bring over a bed and dresser to our house too since my nephews were there and the uhaul was available...hubby did not want to bring it over to our house yesterday!!! He didn't want to deal with it. I told sis no, we would do it another time, we only live 5 minutes away. She kept saying, "I don't understand, lets just have the nephews load it up and take it over." Hubby would not have appreciated them doing than when he said he was not ready to have it brought over yet. Sis just kept on pushing it until I forcefully told her, "NOT today, another time, it's no big deal!! She looked at me saying...."Ok!! You don't have to bite my head off!" Well, geez, how many times do we have to tell her before she backs off. I wonder where she learned that behavior, LOL!!
Sharyn, glad that you and your family enjoyed the picnic. It would be nice if you did it more often before your mom progresses more into the disease.
Joan, the family dynamics is getting more and more curious. Mom doesn't want to see you but calls you. Power control. You need to do things at her convenience, etc...
I had the daily thoughts for Nov.15. After reading it the 2nd time, I laughed. I love to buy all these self-help books, read a couple of chapters, and another interesting book is recommended. I think I'm reading like 5 self-help books at one time - when i do decide to read any of it. So, when I read the daily thoughts, I guess it's Karma telling me something. =)
Thought for the day:
Don't Learn to do, But Learn in Doing.
by samuel butler
Sharyn, I am glad that your outing with your mum went well and that she has communion at the ALF. I shook my head about your mil and hubby and taking breaks. Learned behaviours. You are really getting into this sale! Good luck.
Countrymouse - could be part of a movie. LOL. Not Tea with Mussolini, but Tea with Mother. Great that your mum enjoyed the visit and that you enjoyed the hospitality.
brandy - you do have to go with the flow. It is important to pick our battles, and it sounds like there is no way you could win that one. Good choice
book - the daily thoughts are great
What a day! The candida is under control, but I have IBS now the past week or so. I suppose just too much going on in there for too long. Add a needy cat who has to be by my side everywhere. Even when I am on throne, he is wanting attention. He has slept by my side all day which is unusual. His normal "perch" is on the back of the sofa where he can look out of the window, and he will lay by me for a while, but not all day. I hope he is OK
After mother refusing to see me last weekend, I was thinking of writing her a letter wishing her a good time with my sister, and also stating that I have done nothing different with her bank account. Truly, I think she knows that, but it doesn't hurt to say it. Anyway she called this evening, and I did not pick up the phone. My gut is upset and I don't need more stress. One way or another, (pseudo)nice or nasty, she will be trying to get me to visit when my sister is there - which is the next 2 weeks. Right now, I am wondering how I will manage to get through what I have to do the next two weeks, never mind going south. I suppose I can always live on Imodium.
Wondering if a letter is a good idea. I really do not want to speak to her on the phone.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Love and ((((((hugs))))))
But then after dinner, my husband offered me some ice cream, which really I try to avoid, especially this one. It's coffee flavor, so now it's no surprise I woke up at 4:00 a.m. Yikes! Oh! It's full moon tomorrow, maybe that's why I'm awake.
Margeaux
Hugs!
Sharyn
Margeaux~Yes my sister did come with us. We actually used her car, I drove. Usually I take my car on anything that requires us to go somewhere out of town. She is always short on money and gas. I was surprised that she wanted me to drive her car...hey, saved me some gas for once. I am getting where I am short on money too since work is keeping our hours to the minimum. If mom was not with us yesterday, I would have stayed longer to wait for the host or I would have taken the dog with us to Oakdale to a shelter. Mom is afraid of big dogs especially ones like this dog who was very energetic.
We were walking on a trail that follows the river, a .5 mile walk. Sis asked mom if she was enjoying the autumn colors, getting out walking. Mom said No, I am not! I asked mom, why are you not enjoying this? Mom looked at me and said, I didn't say that. I am enjoying this walk. I quickly apologized saying, I miss understood you, LOL!! I know I heard her say she was not enjoying it at all.
Back to your sister, I know what you mean about your sister assuming you have all this time available because you don't work 40 hours. When my mom was still at home, sis was very resistant to helping with mom, especially after the holidays in 2012. She wouldn't even come down here on her weekends. Sis who is primary on the DPOA, was at the community yesterday before me. When I walked in, one of the caregiver's asked me if I had bought mom Dove body wash. My point is that my sister was there who is the primary, but because I am there more often visiting mom, they recognize me as primary for mom's care. I didn't put mom's name on the bottle of body wash so it caused some confusion. I love these caregiver's, they have been great.
Have a good weekend, even if it is working.
Hugs to you
Sharyn
This was a great post. How wonderful that you and your mom went to see a friend of hers from the past! I'm assuming they're about the same age? Well, all I can say is that we can't always foresee how someone this age is going to handle outings. I know many times my sister tells me of the times she's taken mom for some rather long rides to see our brothers, then mother may be very alert, or sleepy. Mom nowadays also is very vocal about what she won't eat.
I also can completely understand her friend having gone through the effort of making what sounds like a very special lunch for everyone, and then having certain expectations about the visit. If it's been a long time too since they've seen one another I'm sure it was difficult in some way for the friend to see your mom, say not participating, then not conversing much, because she forgot her hearing aides.
Well it's good the daughter was there, I'm sure this buffered the visit over a bit.
Yes, and you just never know what an elderly will say.
About 8 yrs., ago we took mom to a funeral. It was mom, my sister and myself in the car. This was just prior to mom being diagnosed with ALZ. She could still read then, and I found out recently she still reads now. So we're on the freeway.
We pass a bill board that says, "Click it." You know the seat belt warning. So suddenly mom says, "Dick it." My sister and me knew she'd read that billboard, and I guess she got mixed up. Anyway, sis and me, broke out in such laughter.
It's like that show, "Kid's Say the Darnest Things." Sometimes I think this applies here.
Keep visiting, Countrymouse......I love your sense of humor!
Much Love & LIght! Margeaux
I'm happy that the outing with your mom went well. It's interesting that they say one thing and do another.
I wonder if this dog got left behind. Yes, I hope it finds it's owner.
Glad Midget had a good time too.
I'm assuming your sister didn't go after all?
You're right about my not feeling just a bit bad where my sister's birthday was concerned. I'll celebrate it with her later, at some point, don't know when though......as TG, is right around the corner. There hasn't been anything said about that either.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux