The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Sad1~I will have to do some research on EMDR. I find it interesting that it is used for PTSD. I am sorry to hear about your son. Yes, it does seem at times that we no sooner get through one situation and then another pops up. You sound very up beat and happy about the therapy, good for you!! The fact that you were willing to change Thanksgiving to Friday shows that it is more important to be will your family.

I had to laugh the other day as my sister and I were exchanging emails about Thanksgiving. I started to notice my sister was making these plans for the day at my house. I had no objections about it so I didn't see a need to say anything to her. Then she caught it herself, realizing she was making these plans, she said, I just realized I am making these plans on Thanksgiving at your house, I didn't even ask if it as ok with you that I invite our brother over to visit with mom. I laughed because it is our brother and our mother, no big deal to me, I just told her the more the merrier!!

Ok on my iPad and keep loosing the page! So from some of what I read - grandma names - I didn't want to compete with the other grandma - so I am Ama - which is grandma in Icelandic (my gma was Icelandic). My mother wanted to be called Gigi ( for great grandma). A friend of mine goes by Mimi and my dad was Boompa - my other grandmother went by Lulu - there are lots of fun names!

As far as the holidays - they have their own set of rules don't they? Now that we have a new DIL - we need to share. So we changed thanksgiving to Friday - the girlfriends and DIL can spend T-day with their family - my husband and I are going to do the Run for the Hungry - I will precook some dishes for Friday - and we are going to have a nice quiet dinner of cracked crab. I am so ok with the change! We also alternate Xmas eve and Xmas with the other families - but our tradition is Xmas morning in jammies, coffee and cinnamon rolls and presents - it is a come as you want - and no one misses it - it's relaxing.

It's so hard with other families and egos - but once I let go of it had to be on THAT day...it was actually better. Seems to be less drama too.

Just my thoughts for the morning!

Hi sharynmarie - thanks for asking - trying to catch up on all the posts! There are a lot! Was down at my mothers house for a week overseeing house painting - my husband was there and said it was too yellow - went down and it looked like lemon meringue pie - which does not go with the neighborhood! Caught it in time and now it is a beautiful creamy coffee ice cream color!

Therapy is awesome! I highly recommend it to everyone here! I am doing Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing - EMDR- and I swear it works! They use it for PTSD - which living with narcisstics or being raised we have! I have had 2 sessions - 3 prior to talk about issues - and when I went down my mother had left 2 messages for me on her phone - not in the least bit sorry for her treatment of me during Dentistgate. They were the usual crazy sarcastic with THAT tone to it? Usually I would feel guilty and go see her...this time - I listened and said out loud $&@&$ to the machine - and went my merry way. I didn't see her and I honestly feel ok about it. She has even enlisted her one friend by calling her giving her some sob story. Her friend text me saying it was time I go see her! Nope. She will abuse me again if I go now. So waiting a few more weeks. Setting boundaries feels great! Today is her birthday - sent some nice flowers and my daughter is going to see her.

Of course getting stronger in one area leaves me still open to having to set some boundaries with my daughter - and now my youngest son who seems to have substituted pot for drinking and back. Living with us and 23 - back in school after getting kicked out for poor grades - he broke the rules - doing counciling and about to start AA for him. Does this ever end? Trade one drama for another.

Other than that - life is good - hubby just made me a freshly ground cup of coffee and we are going to Apple Hill for the day - going to be 70 today! Yay! Hope everyone has a happy Friday!

Gettingstrong,

This is absolutely terrible about this nosy cousin. It's really an invasion of people's privacy on a very personal level what people can find out about anybody currently with the use of internet, it's kind of scary, too!

Maybe if you start to separate out the fact that obviously there's a real dire need by your brother in his condition. He chose your son as POA, and that's that.
In some way it's really not even your mothers business, what your brother elects to do. You've described your son as being quite responsible. One could kind of understand maybe your mother complaining if there was proof otherwise. Also,
definitely there has to be some consideration given taking into account your mother's mental state.

Oh, I do understand your feelings about this issue. Our brother, "golden boy," had POA of some property dad left to all of us including mom in a Joint Tenancy.
When mom was on the verge of being diagnosed w/ALZ, I guess and I say guess because any dealings about the assets were done in secrecy by mom and golden boy. I think she possibly told him to transfer the title on this property so it could be placed in her trust. But before this could be accomplished......golden boy had to have the rest of we (3 siblings), sign a Quit Claim Deed. But here we are talking about the golden boy who was so irresponsible, and the siblings had suspicions he was digging his hands into mother's accounts, just tons of mis-management. Anyway the day my brother decided to gather us together to get our signatures, he did it in such a rogue manner, as in he was demanding signatures, not asking, no explanations. Besides the damn piece of paper he showed us, looked so dodgey. I was once a legal secretary for the railroad,
so I know what legal docs should look like. We didn't sign, not then at least.

He's no longer POA, thank the cosmos! Now my sister is. She's very controlling,
but at least I feel more confident that she's not going to do something questionable w/mother's money. We did sign off on it about a year ago, but at least it was done in front of an attorney, who thoroughly explained what we were signing, and the ramifications.

There is one mystery still that my sister and I have not figured out. Mother and dad bought a piece of land back in the 60's out in the desert. They never did anything with it, and it didn't have property on it. But after my dad's death which was in 2001, this piece of land was mysteriously sold, and my sister after doing some accounting.......we don't know where that money went. This of course was done during golden boy's rule with POA. I wonder if I can look this info. up?
Sometimes I've wanted to look up some info regarding this, but it stirs up some unpleasant emotions for me. You know how they say, HAAH! "What you don't know, won't hurt you?"

I used to feel just as you do with your mom, like that scared, intimidated child.
But we have to remember that these feelings come from our pasts, when we were emotionally immature. So have the courage, which I know you're working on.....you're on your way! We aren't that scared little girl anymore, and when we look at ourselves like this, it helps us to deal with our mothers. This has helped me immensly. Believe me.....I used to be very intimidated by my mom.

You're in my thoughts Gettingstrong.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Kathie , welcome and feel free to vent anytime, I know it helps me to be able to carry on when your not alone ! I'll pray for you and you pray for me

Hi All, thanks for your input and well thought out advice. Sometimes you're too close to see the forest for the trees.

Yes, Mom asks about my brother occasionally---do you hear from him? I wonder if he has the same eye problems as I do? What if he's blind and all alone and nobody to help him? She usually asks around his birthday, her birthday (cause she doesn't hear from him) and holidays in general.

I have a nosy cousin in Mom's hometown who knows the atty who handled a relative's will. When my son took over for my brother, among the stacks of mail he found unopened, my son found a check for $10,000 he inherited from one of Mom's sisters. My son called the atty, explained the situation, and asked if they could reissue the check, and they did. The nosy cousin told Mom's only living sister that my son "has all Randy's money". Mom was upset when this was passed on to her by her sister. Obviously with the internet, the nosy cousin can find out a lot of info, like the transfer of title to property, etc. I just told Mom "how can she have access to someone else's bank account?" Of course, my son as POA does have access to my brother's assets, pays his bills, etc. as my bro can no longer read or write, or even tell time, He is what we used to call "pleasantly confused".

My stock answer to my mother is this "if something happened to him, you'd probably hear from the authorities", plus I tell her truthfully, that "I haven't heard from him in several years". This is true because he can no longer read or write. She has not challenged me on the answers I give her, but I think she suspects I know more than I'm letting on. When my son takes my bro home with him for a visit or cookout or something, they usually call and I talk to my bro a little on the phone.

Last Thanksgiving I took a trip cross country to my son's and my brother was there. It was so wonderful to see him again. Haven't seen him since my Dad's death 12 years ago. Of course, it was quite a shock to see how confused he is, and a couple times we were talking and he didn't remember who I was. "So, I understand you're from my home town. How long did you live there?" I had to remind him that I was his sister and we grew up together. He also has this problem with face recognition as part of the brain damage. Such a terrible waste, as he was an optometrist, played piano beautifully, and alcohol and mental illness have taken everything from him. Addiction is so awful.

Well, I guess you are all correct. Her doctor agreed with me that it would do her no good to know his situation at this time. For some reason I still struggle with not being honest about it after his death. I know she imagines the worst, and believe me the way he was living WAS the worst. Somehow I thought it might be comforting to know that he has been in a clean place with good food, and his medical needs provided during these last years. What good would it do as she would mull it over and over, and we'd all catch hell for lying to her, plus I don't want to hurt her by saying, "look, your son, wanted nothing to do with you". So I guess I'll keep my silence. Keeping secrets is awful. I hate it. Keep hoping she'll pass before he does, and that still might happen. Have to "Let go".

By the way, emjo, I loved the piece you submitted on "Letting go". Tried to get my computer to print screen, so I wouldn't have to print off all the posts etc. but couldn't. Really affecting. Maybe I'll go back and just ask to print off only the page it's on. Thanks again everyone. Shouylder is mending slowly.

Gettinstrong,

I know you have written about the fact that your mom has BPD. Does she also suffer from Dementia/Alz? I'm also wondering whether she's asked you anything about your brother?

Our mom has ALZ, and it is now to the point.....that my sister (main CG), and I agree w/this decision, we see no purpose in telling mother things for example that one of our aunt's from dad's side of the family passed over two years ago.
She hadn't seen her in quite some time, because this aunt's health was compromised for a very long time, and was homebound. Then mom started to have her share of ailments, so has been homebound too. If we told her, we do not think she'd even remember who she was.

I'd say that if she doesn't ask about your brother, and she hasn't seen him in quite sometime, I wouldn't tell her. Given the way she acts out w/this recent protest at the meeting, not sharing info w/her sister, etc. sounds as if she's not rationalizing things any more. I do understand that you may feel this way about the matter, but maybe you need to weigh this out in terms of future chaos cause by her reactions also.

I hope your shoulder is on the mend.
Much Love & Light Margeaux

Margeaux~I know what you are saying. I so wish I could understand why my mil felt she needed to force her way on me. I do know that part of it (it could be the only reason too), is that she saw herself and my fil as head of the family even though their children were married. That is the Totem Pole, fil and mil were at the head with rights to still govern over their children's married lives. I know that this type of family structure is a big part of what split up my sister in laws marriage, her husband had to go along with everything (he had no family here). Sister in law's hubby liked to places, explore the mountains. My in laws did not raise their children to that kind of thing and they were raised with the philosophy that you do not change anything from what we have taught you because if it is different from us, it is wrong. Maybe if I had raised my kids that way too, they would both still be living here in the same city with us. Where are the boundary lines between parents who want their traditions only passed on to grandkids, parents who believe their philosophy is the only right one, and expect the people who marry their children to convert to their will? I know I am rambling, it is just something that has nagged at me for 36 years, are all Christian families like this?

Remember the niece I talked about in the above post. Well, she let her mil have her way with the baby boy regarding the baptism since she was not involved in a faith community of any kind. I am hearing now where her mil has been putting pressure on her to have more children (she has a boy and a girl). She has told her mil she is done having babies.

gmaandsam I would stick with the support group for a while and give it a chance-usually at these groups others attend at different weeks and you may meet someone that you can relate with-I met a women that I became great friends with at a group-even though the leader was not very responsible-I think she was a student working on a degree- we are still friends even though we both now are widows and she has moved a distance away and only email each other-we gave support to each other at the time we both needed it-and now we both have nice men in our lives. Also you may be able to help another erson who is in need of a friend who understands. I now am part of a group as a former caregivers helping other caregivers.

Sharynmarie,

I'm very happy that things went well for your niece in a spiritual way. I still however think you MIL was way out of line.

I'm not sure whether my sister or her daughter have such strong spiritual beliefs, even though we've all been raised Catholics. I completely agree that this aunt has overstepped boundaries all over the place. But I also think there's got to be a totem pole designation in this mix too.

For sure.....my sister is jealous, that's the way she is to begin with. However, I think there's something also missing here in terms of loyalty coming from daughter to mother. But maybe this is going to be a big wake up call for my sister in the sense that she is always overdoing favors and IMO, many times even all the grandmother duties to an extreme. Many times when people behave this way I feel there's a lot of tit for tat going on. So there's many times an expectation, hence this to me sounds like conditional love.

I've suggested to my sister that once the dust settles and she's not feeling so bruised by it, she have a talk with her daughter. Hopefully she'll take herself out of being the central figure in this by telling her daughter that the aunt could start to alienate the other grandparents by her behavior, and just not respecting people's space. But that's for my sister to deal with. I know this isn't easy either.

I was offended when this niece graduated from college. You know how they only give a limited number of invites for the ceremony? Well this aunt was first in line, then there was narcissistic aunt, and my niece's dad's current gf. They all went to the ceremony, meanwhile I didn't get invited to that, and I'm her Godmother!
So how do you like them apples. Oh well!! I got over that eventually. But this is because also I try to analyze situations, and even when one can take it so personally I try not to. Plus I'm an air sign, my sister is a water sign, so she makes things oh so deep.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Gmaandsam,
It is unusual for a grandchild to be doing the care. You are young, I imagine in your 30's. At the very least you need some help, you cannot do it alone. Support groups are wonderful, but the majority of the caregivers are either children or spouses. I suggest that you stick with the group and share your experiences. Everyone can learn from them, and you can learn from theirs.

i attended a caregiver support group today. every one there had their own advice but i was clearly in the wrong environment. most were caregivers of husbands or wives.
the office manager was kind enough to meet with me alone. i told him my situation. the first thing he pointed out was the whole "family dysfunction".
he mentioned i should consider taking a step back and letting others take care of grandma but without me, she wouldn't have anyone else. not sure what to think.

Margeaux~You know I am not a grandma but I wanted to share with you just the same. I am going to tell you a story first.

Husband's niece was struggling with her faith in Jesus because she had 2 miscarriages. She even went to the point of converting to Judaism. When her first child was born, she had no spiritual commitment to any religion. Her mil being a Catholic wanted the baby boy baptized in the Catholic Church. Nieces husband, while raised a Catholic was not participating in any spiritual commitment either. So they allowed her mil to have the baby baptized in the Catholic Churc since it was important to the mil and her belifs.. Since then, the niece found her faith in Jesus and was baptized this last Christmas Eve in a local Christian Church.

The point I am trying make is that if your sister and her daughters have a spiritual commitment to Jesus that is true, and it is a tradition that is between your sister and her daughters, then Yes, your sister is within her rights to follow through with the this tradition of her dressing the baby on the day of the baptism. However, if your sister's only reason is because she feels the Aunt is pushing into her territory (which the Aunt is out of place doing), then it comes down to the jealously issue. If this Aunt has true spiritual commitment and it is just a power struggle because your sister is not getting her day in the sun, it is a decision your niece needs to make without all the baggage attached. This is where respecting traditions, spiritual beliefs can cause so much strife in a family. I hope this helps, Hugs!!

My sister is really being affected apparently by the recent events at her grandson's birthday party. So the pushy aunt who came down and was overbearing.....I guess was there at my sis's daughter's home throughout then entire weekend, while my poor niece also had her in-laws there. They live out of state, further than the pushy aunt.

So I was listening to my sister's complaints, and concern.....but many of you already know, that my sister too carries her own baggage when it comes to boundaries. As I was attempting to try to get her to see that there's a bigger picture going on here, w/respect to her own daughter's lack of boundaries, she kept going back to herself. She said, "pushy aunt should back off, because I should be the one to dress my little granddaughter the day they baptize her.
On the one hand, I understand the grandparent, taking some of these moments seriously, but is this some sacred moment for grandmother's? IDK, I need an education on this. But I can't help but feel to that given my sisters traits of being possessive and jealous, that sometimes I think she's being very melodramatic about some of this. Could any of you granny's give me your opinion on this matter, maybe I'm missing something here.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Madeaa has said what I would have answered -better then I would have been able to do -you care for your brother and I feel his wishes should be honored-if she has not cared about him the last three years she does not need to be told about the state of his health-she is probably a narcisstic person and would make it all about her-I hope your brother knows his wishes will be honored.

Getnstrong, stay strong. Abide by your brother's wishes. You mother has learned to deal with the absence of her son. I don't think her knowing that he is in assisted living or if he passes would help her at all.

Well, it has been three long years that she does not know, does she ever ask for him, doesn't she think it is odd that he has never visited her in her ALF situation? Anyhow, from your profile, your mother has vision problems and is in ALF, she does not have dementia so it is odd she is not asking for him. Your brother is alive, sorry for his decline, your son is POA and your brother wishes to have no contact with his mother. So, since she is not asking, and he wants nothing to do with her, I would leave it be. Hope your brother improves, but if not, his wishes are what are to be taken into consideration. He has his reasons for his feelings about your mother and those feelings are his right and not to be judged, you have your own thoughts about how you'd feel as a mother, but you are not your mother and you don't figure in this equation, humbly in my opinion that is. As I always say, we all have opinions, but it is up to your son as POA to tell or not to tell.

Good morning all you dys family readers. Asking your opinions here. My brother is in an ALF and my son is his POA (at my brother's request). He is there because of brain damage caused by alcoholism. He has multiple physical problems and nearly died in Feb., and now seems to be declining again.
Question: We have not told my mother that he is in an ALF, or that my son is in control. My son and I are discussing how to proceed if my brother passes. My brother has wanted nothing to do with mother for years, and has confirmed this with me and my son.
As a mother, I can only imagine the agony of not knowing if your son is alive or dead, etc., so I have been inclined at times to tell her, but then knowing what kind of person she is, thought better of it. She would be nasty to both of us, sure that my son is only helping to get at my brother's money, and mad at me for withholding this information. She is negative about eveyone and everything, so I know that whatever is being done would not be to her liking.
My son says that if bro died, we should just say that he passed away, and that he left a will and his wishes were to be cremated and his ashes scattered on some property that he loves on the Lake of the Ozarks. I know she will push for details, and my son says that he will continue to honor his uncles's wishes to keep her out of his business. So question is......should I tell her that he's been in ALF for 3 yrs now, or just say he passed and keep the details to myself? Guess I know what I'll do, but would appreciate input.

Welcome Kathi, lots of good support here for you. I would REALLY read up on some of these threads, educate yourself to the reality of being and caregiver, with additional burdens of dysfunctional families , and think very long and hard before you move in with your father. It will not be easy, and what you thought would happen, may very well not go as you thought and it could be a HUGE nightmare, take it from me.

Sharyn, I have always viewed "I'm just kidding!" as what the person really wanted to say to me but used it jokingly. Well, this is based from my side. When I say that to someone, "I'm just kidding!" - I'm actually not. It's my way of subtly telling them what I cannot tell them upfront....

"I'm fine." {{laughing}} Just this past therapy, the therapist asked me how I was doing. I said, "I'm fine." Then, I paused. And then added, "That was my social answer." .... Therapist looked up at me, and just laughed. I heard her mutter "social answer." After she was done laughing, I said, "Now, how I really am doing...." and then proceeded to tell her about my depression and those "thoughts."... sigh... still not feeling up to par....

Food for thought::

There's always a little truth in "I'm kidding!" a little sadness in "I'm fine!" and a little hope in "I'm finished!" Learn to read between the lines, see beyond the words and hear the cries for help, often veiled behind pride or fear of rejection. We're all working this thing called life out as we go, and we all need a little patience and a lot of forgiveness. soulseeds

Hi Everyone!!

For those of you with windows 8, there is an update available windows 8.1. It is suppose to have the start button back, but since I have my computer set up with a password, I am not seeing the start button. I am liking it so far. There are some new features which includes recipes that you can save. I noticed they have a dietary section for diabetes, gluten free and general healthy recipes. This all available in the start up menu. You might want to upgrade, it is free.

Since I have lowest seniority, I won't get Thanksgiving off but am shooting for Friday which I should get with no problems. Sis wants to bring mom over which I a fine with. I do have some Xanx here that I could slip her if she gets too combative. Joan, No, I have not brought her over here since we moved her. I have taken her out for dr. appt. and she has never asked to go to her house. I am hoping this will be the same thing. With Midget being here, it should help distract her. All we can do is try it. I am afraid that next year, she will be more progressed and bringing her over will be even harder. We can always have dinner at the community with her next year.

Welcome Kathie!! Many here will understand the lack of sibling help. I am not a 24/7 caregiver as my mother is in memory care for Alz plus she is just too difficult a personality to live with her. I visit 2-3 times a week and sis and I help each other with sis doing all the financial and me doing all the medical. Others here are in the same situation as yourself. Come back here anytime, venting, sharing..it all helps.

Katie welcome to AC -you have come to the right place-we are a group of folks that are caregivers or former caregivers. You will get much support and tips to help you stay sane. Sibs not helping is the norm-if they do not help without asking they probably will not help even when asked. If you can get into a support group where you live please do it-you need to be able to vent and be with people who are going through the same thing-I am in a group even though my caregiving years are behind me as is another women -the social worker who runs the group values our input. Please come back here often -you will get much support and understanding-and you in turn will help others.

Hi everyone. My name is Kathie & I am 59 & taking care of my father whois 91 yrs. old. He has been living alone with home care coming in. He has fallen twice in a 2 week period, broke rt. shoulder then broke rt. clavical bone then got pnuemonia with MRSA. He has finally coming to terms that he can not live alone & is agreeing to allow someone to move in 24/7. Which is me. Our family is very dysfunctional. My parents played use kids against each other our whole lives. We can not even talk without fighting. My dad has changed his will soo many times. I have 1 brother who has assualted his sister & brother. My other brother lives out of state & states he is done with all family members in arizona. I am glad that my sister who died a few yrs ago does not have to see the fighting. My brothers are angrey with my dad & do not want to take care of him. My dad is so afraid of being put in a nursing home. My job I had for 5 yrs with the state became privatized & I have not worked. I am in a position to move in with Dad & take care of him. He is a very difficult person to deal with. He does not appreciate what we do for him. He will be going home with oxygen & will need an electric bed to keep his head elevated. He is not liking this. I have to say he is a100% fighter to keep his independence & I admire this. I look at my brothers & wish they would forget about the pain my parents caused them growing up & try to remember the good times we had as a family. They are bitter & want to punish Dad now that he can not do for him self. When I look at my father I see a man that had done everything on his on with no help. He had a brother that died age 9 or 10 so he grew up as an only child & had no help with his parents. I have always been the peace maker in the family. But I can not do it any more. Dad can not do the things he loves to do anymore. His mind is there but his body is giving out & it hurts really bad to see this because I know thereis nothing I can do to make him into the man he used to be. I can only make sure that he does not go into a nursing home & let him die at home & hopefully with dignity. I get tired mentally & phisically. I do not have much of a support system & that makes it harder. I was researching Obamacare & came across this web site which i never new there was a caregiver site. God Bless to everyone out there. Kathie

Austin,

What a wonderful story with your boyfriend.
I don't do much either in the way of decorations, only a few lights. But I did make some Santa boots out of red fabric I have with a pasley design. Then I put this very long black fringe on the top part of the boot. They're very funny looking,
and they've become almost like an heirloom during Christmas. I've been wanting to experiment with some paper mache, maybe I'll become inspired.

Well have a wonderful time at your parties, but most of all with your boyfriend,
which I know you will. So happy for you!!!!!

Much Love, More Love & Light! Margeaux

I am really looking forward to Christmas this year and spending time with C. We both are frugal so there will not be a lot of spending-and I keep the holidays simple.My granddaughter is out of the country but will see my grandson during the holidays-my AARP group and Mahopac Seniors and my craft group are all having parties and C. cousins and I get together every couple of months to go out to lunch-they have all accepted me very well-some did not like his late wife-I grew up down the street from some of his relatives. Thanksgiving will be just us two-I will cook a big meal-he did not have Thanksgiving at home so I will go all out. I may try to have my brothers and wives over during the holidays-even though one brother does not like the other's wife and probably will not come but will not get my nickers in a bunch over it. I usually do not decorate much.

Well, this year I will concentrate on what Christmas is supposedly about, not decorations, ads on tv, turkeys, presents, that is all nice, but for me this kind of Christmas has long been gone, I am glad I had a few, but more lonely miserable loss filled ones while everyone was drinking and making merry. I'd say Christmas is about hope, hope for a brighter tomorrow during the dark and cold winter. The Spring will come and what has died will be reborn, we all have seasons of our life and I will work on acceptance, courage to change what I can, and that clincher, the wisdom to know the difference.

Emjo – I knew you wouldn’t cave in but…there was this teeny tiny fear that you would. I like the info about how to transfer the photos if my camera has a memory card. All I have to do now is find the camera and find the card (if it has one.) … I laughed aloud at your comment about Toonie not complaining about his teeth. That’s a good one! That’s also going to my “Funny” file. =)

Margeaux, when my fave sis became a grandma, that thought did occur to me that I would love to be called grandma. But then, I thought about it. And changed my mind. I prefer Aunty. While growing up, mom’s mom was called “grandma”, while dad’s mom was called “nana.” All this time, I thought she didn’t understand English because when she stayed with us, she only spoke our language. I didn’t understand (still don’t) and so nana was teaching me – before she died. She was teaching me to count, say open the door, close the window, put it on the table, etc… Only recently, my bro told me that nana spoke perfect English…..Thanks about the comment on my “thoughts for the day.” I’m sometimes torn on which thread to put which quotes.

Sharynmarie, I remember all my siblings’ dreading spending the holidays with their in-laws. What they did was split the day. Either spend the night before with his side, then the day of the holiday with her side….. or morning with their immediate family and evening with his/her side. Fave sis is struggling with this. She wants to spend the holidays with just her children and grands, but she has to share the holiday with us and then her kids go to their spouse’s side. So, she’s trying to squeeze 3 sides in one day.