The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Can't we just fast forward through the nest two months?!

Still coming to head. Did mediation and agreed on 3rd party intervention on all this nonsense. Sis wanted control of care agreement because of impact on inheritance. Mediator explained the mediation was not at all about care agreement and POA was definitely in conflict of interest position. So, hopefully we will get somewhere once court approves agreement on the 17th. What a way to go into the holidays! This has been going on for two freaking years!

Joan~Sad but true...I think hubby will chose his family. I don't want to force a choice between us...but I have to think about my mental health in the end. It is not because I want it to be all about me...I don't!! I want to be accepted for what I have accomplised in life. Hubby's family does not accept things like abuse, mental or other wise, they do not accept children that have ADHD...it is all wrong parentling from their way of thinking. hugs to you!!

Sounds like a plan, sharyn - it hubby OK with it? That is not good to have every holiday an ordeal with your in laws.

Madeaa, that is what I do. G is with the horses or his children/grandchildren on holidays and I have adjusted to that.Then we do something together later. I hope B is with you too. I look at Toonie, and while he is very well for his age,14, and no health issues, I know he will not last for ever. He is a great companion.

When I was a child our holidays were always a mixed blessing due to mother's problems. I have some good memories from the times when the kids were growing up, and I missed those for a while, but then some grandkids came and that was fun, but now those get togethers are not happening as they were, And you know what - that's OK now. I have some good memories. Sharyn, I understand where you are at with missing the old dinners. I have been there. I don't know what would be best with your mum and the holidays. I would be concerned that she would be upset by something, and also want to go back to her old home. Has she visited in your home since she went into the facility? Let us know what you work out
With all the losses I have had I know one thing I have to do to adjust to a new situation is to make some new memories -some good ones.
Margeaux -I think we all have paid our dues in terms of doing things putting others first, and can do what is good for us.
Wondering how others are feeling about the holidays. Austin, I know this year is much better for you. cmag, this will be this first holiday season without your mum...
Take care all

This why I want to move to Idaho to be near my daughter. I know going in that she and her husband may not always spend every holiday with us because of her husband's family...but I won't have to deal with a family that can't communicate about anything but themselves and their eyes glaze over if I mention something I accomplished or something about my family. Life is too short to have to placate others who see themselves as more important or on a higher level of human existence to have sacrifice your life and well being so they can be King and Queen in all situations. Hugs to everyone!!

I agree, enjoy your holiday in whatever way you choose, me, I am making myself a nice dinner, as usual, relaxing as usual in my own comfort, watching what I want on tv and not having to pretend to be interested in anything anyone does or says, in other words, I will enjoy my own company instead of being with people I don't enjoy nor really don't want to be around, I just hope my little guy Bartholomew is with me, then it would be perfect for me.

I am with all of you about the changes, when we've had enough of the typical family drama during the holidays. Last year, was too much when my wonderful SIL decided to diss this little baby boy (my great nephew) when he tried to connect with her by giving her one of his toys. She completely ignored him. Her youngest daughter 20 yr. old, did the same. So this set off very bad feelings for my niece (mom of baby) and of course my sister, (grandma).

My niece left w/her baby, she was pregnant w/the little girl at the time, and w/her husband.....they left to her dad's side of family for a dinner. So, I really didn't get to see them on Thanksgiving Day. But the ugly tone had been set by my SIL, by her stupidity. So my sister was there, in one of her very quiet moods, (I knew she was mad about something) but still didn't know what had happened, as this happened before I arrived.

It's always been strange too regarding my sister's daughters and their presence at all holidays. Since they are a product of divorce......they either aren't at our gatherings, or always are in a hurry because they're on their way to the other families dinners. I'm somewhat burned out on this set up. I feel as if I've always cooperated, sometimes bypassed other invitations from my inner circle on account of them. So this year this is all going to be different for me. I'm going to do REALLY what I want for a change, instead of just being drawn into other's holidays. BTW, SIL and unfortunately our youngest brother did not get invited to our little nephews birthday party last weekend. I wonder why? HAAH!

Margeaux

Joan~Your mother is definitely trying to get you to bend to her will. You have done all you can now.
Most of us for whatever reason have something from our childhood that is very special to us that we want to pass it on to our own children. Those of us on this thread, probably don't have too many of those special things that we want to keep, but when we do have one or two, no one has the right to tell us that is it wrong and unacceptable.

Madeaa~Vets are very expensive today. Anytime I take my cat the to vet, I am lucky if I can get out of there for under $150.00.They know so much more now that we have to pay for it. I remember back in the day, the vet we had here (small town so only 1 vet), his speciality was in agricultural animals because we are a Ag town. If you had an emergency with a small pet, lots of time he was not available because someone was having a problem with their cows or horses, or pigs. We ended up going out of town. Now all the vets we have here are small animal vets.

I know what you mean about the holidays. Since my children moved away, it is only my hubby, sister, mom and me. I sisters daughters and family were once part of our dinners here with about 15 people. I so miss those days. I find I get very depressed as the holidays approach now. With mom in memory care, I am debating about bringing her here because just the last couple years when she was still at home, she disrupted things by having to leave here to go check on her dog, or something else. It held up dinner and then as soon as dinner was over she wanted to go home which limited my sisters time here because she would have to take mom home. Now the dog is living with me so if we do bring her here, so won't have that excuse, but she still may complain about wanting to go home.

What really depresses me, is that I can see the writing on the wall for the future holidays and go ahead and call me selfish because I probably am. I know that at some point, we will end up have holidays again with the in laws. I do not want to have to do that but once my family is no long here such as my mom and sister,...then what? I am just not comfortable around my in laws. They are too clannish. All they talk about is how great their family is, they talk about relatives of my fil in GA and how great they are...I have nothing to contribute to the conversation so I end up just sitting there grinning and nodding my head. Even my dil who has her own religion and close family ties, acknowledged how they are so intertwined with each other. I just don't understand it. It is not a Donna Reed family either. Oh well we all have to accept change as hard as it is to do. Hugs to you!!

(((((((Madeaa)))))) - I know it is hard. Hope B recovers fully. Re vets and bills, I am sorry. They have you at their mercy. The last time I had Toonie in they said he needed dental care and gave me a run down - the bill would have been over $1000. I said no thanks, He is not complaining about his teeth.
It must be very difficult to have your mother crying to come home, when you visit, especially when she is OK at other times. I think you did the right thing. Please don't second guess yourself. As for a Donna Reed kind of life Hah! I don't know anyone who has one. Frankly, I think I would rather be a misfit -all the best people are..

Mother can be sharp as a whip at times, and almost out of it at other times, and she does not have Alz. But, over all, it is a down hill journey. My sis was so pleased as mother was on the phone to her today and clearer than in a long time, I am not sure sis realizes that it is up and down and there will be no long term improvement, but the opposite. I expect she will see it in time.

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you. it is a lonely journey. I spend the holidays very quietly. I don't mind being alone either, In fact, I realize I need it a fair amount. . Canadian Thanksgiving has passed and I haven't cooked the turkey yet - probably will eventually. Just go with the flow and do what is good for you. Focus on you! Take care of you!

Love the narcissists & the light bulb!!! Needed a smile this morning.

Joan, thanks for asking about Bartholomew, it has been an awful ordeal with him and add my mother to the heap and I feel like I have been mowed down. Bartholomew seems a bit better, this vet has me angry he has socked me with a HUGE bill that to me is like I am being taken. Oh well, I have too much going on to fight with him, I'll just pay it and move on and not use him ever again. My mother continues to cry cry cry to come home. She is quite lucid at times and it confuses me, like did I do the right thing type of mind cluster, then she will ask me how me and my father are getting on with her gone, he died in 2010. Okay then I just want some peace. I truly dislike this time of year, it has not been a happy time for me ever, this is the time of year when I have lost so much. I don't mind being alone, it is just the big hoopla over it all that can make a person question whether they are misfits because they don't have the Donna Reed family life.

Margeaux - the dramatics come out at holidays and other special events when being in control and the center of attention is harder, but there is a larger audience at stake. Yes, they try to drag everyone into their mess, and love it! After all they are queens of the universe and the world revolves around them.

How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one - they hold it and the world revolves around them.

re g'mas names - also an issue with 2 sets of grandparents when there has been divorce. I decided on being called Nana. The North American native culture tends to rely on the relationship, as opposed to the blood tie. So I am cousin or auntie to people in my exes family as I have a relationship with them.

Well, you talked about mother changing her mind, My sister just wrote that mother wants to move to another ALF. It was on the books this summer but she changed her mind then. She will have to get rid of most of the furniture she acquired for her present place. What a waste. My sis, wonder of all wonders, wants to help her. I have been invited to join in, but I will stay out of the picture. Sis is still trying to get mother's approval - good luck! I have moved mother twice. That is enough for me. This new place has tiered levels of care and that would be an advantage if mother stays there. I suspect mother will soon be disenchanted with it, if she does move, as she has been with the other places, and will want to move again. She left her apartment 4 years ago, was 6 months in one Alf, and 3+ years in her present one and has been wanting to move again for about a year. And so it goes,

I find if I detach, and back out, mother finds other people to do things for her, and that works for me. I turned 76 in August and I want some space and freedom from the stress. I have had it all my life.

I emailed mother and asked if she wanted to do lunch today, as I would not be back in town till Christmas. No answer.It is the best I could do.

sharyn - I hear you about the traditions. Mother was like that. Things had to be done the "right" (her) way. I also know the loneliness. I remember once my parents visited during my first marriage and it was obvious to them things were bad for me, I had only one or two children then. Mother suggested that I pack up and come home to stay with them. She has remembered that I got tears in my eyes when she said that. What she didn't realise was that it in my mind it would be out of the frying pan into the fire, and I would be worse off at home.

sad1 how are things going?

glad - you mentioned things were coming to a head - anything new there?

madeea - hope you are feeling more comfortable with your mum's move. how is Bartholomew?

getn - how are you? I hear you about the problems. I don't deal with them, but let the staff deal with them. I figure it is their job.

book - I can see you in a loop with no exit - so fitting. You need to put in the exit!

everyone - let us know how you are. Have a good week and look after you!

Margeaux~Sorry I misread it. Your niece is young and it is hard to force boundaries with a relative. My in laws wanted only their family traditions taught to our children. They believe that is Christian. The identity of the grandkids (especially the gkids who share their last name) should come from the grandfather. My mother in law and I got along just fine until my son was born. She even gave me a copy of my fil's family genealogy saying this is my son's family, heritage. They definitely wanted my children's ties to be with them not my family. They had no problem with my children spending time with my family, but when it came to traditions especially during holidays, then mil would but in saying we don't do things that way, it is not our tradition. If it was not for that issue, we would have gotten along better...oh yeah....they also didn't think I disciplined my children. Anyway, that is all water under the bridge. I did learn to set boundaries between myself and my in laws. Their strict need to follow traditions is/was foreign to me because my family did not have extended family members....it was all about our immediate family only. For my family, it was more important to spend time together than to follow a tradition. I could have done things differently to accommodate them more, but I always felt like my back was put against the wall with mil and she would force what she wanted one way or another. I do have some regrets about our relationship. At the same time, she completely disrespected me over and over again until I just quit being around them (as much as I could possibly avoid them).

I also learned Margeaux, I could not confide in my mother about how mil was treating me because my mother would take it on as though it were her fight and all about her. Lonely tough times for me back then. Glad it is over because it did contribute to my overall depression back then.

Hugs to you and I am glad you are feeling better since your neighbors passing. Enjoy those babies!!

Bookluvr,

I don't know whether this is such a unique idea. I am aware that in different cultures, I think it comes from a time when extended families were really closer to other's grandchildren that one person is called grandma, hopefully it's thee grandmother. Then, another person may be called Nana, which is a diminutive for gramdma. However, as in my family obviously this doesn't work.

I like some of the thoughts for the day you have been posting.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Emjo,

I laughed when you wrote about having to wear your dinner theatre clothes on the trip. I have done this before. When I have done it, I've always wondered whether I'm looking clothes wrinkled from the trip. Thank heavens for Polyester. HAAH!

Oh.....your mom! It's as if she's changing her mind constantly isn't she.
I'm very glad that you are on to her game.

You could not have posted this article about narcissism at a better time.
It's as if the narcissist also does what they do, sets things up for themselves then try and drag other's into their mess.

Even the other day at the birthday party, I noticed that my sister was in such a huff about the situation with the grandma thing. A few times when I approached her, like asking her for the name of someone's wife, someone I don't know well at all,
and she told me the woman's name, but in a snippy tone of voice. So I'm serious,
I am really taking my cues this year, and really probably will opt out of any plan for a Thanksgiving. Christmas is a bit harder for me to weasel out of. But I figure, if I can get out of one holiday that's fine with me. I'm definitely the scapegoat in our family.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

@book - no fear. I will not cave in, Read about the golden child and the scapegoat child. The scapegoat child (me) is independent and breaks away from FOG. I had already seriously examined my schedule to see if I could rearrange it so it was possible for me to be here a couple of days when my sister is, as I know mother would like to see us together. Although the idea doesn't appeal to me because of the games that get played I would have done it if I could, but I can't. So my conscience is clear, and my plans are in tact. And to turn the tables, now I will remind her about this when she says I don't come and see her. I do have other things to do here so it is not a wasted trip by any means. I always try to combine a visit her with other things.
re photos, I just remove the memory card, insert it into the computer and cut and paste the pics into a folder on my desktop, then edit them in Microsoft Office 2010 Picture Manager.

book - somehow the loop with no exit fits your life...

Margeaux - what a unique idea! Maybe I should ask my fave sis (a grandma of 2) if her grands can also call me Grandma 3. Grandma 1 and 2 are their real grands. =)

Sharyn, thanks for telling Margeaux how to download photos. Now all I have to do is dig up my brother's digital camera and try it. By the way, I am NOT tech savvy when it comes to the computer. I'm actually scared of it. I took 3 years of computer science in high school. It was my vocational high school major. I learned to be afraid of the computer when my programs would send the main drive into a loop that lasted for hours. Whenever it went into a loop, everyone in the computer lab knew it was my program. I keep forgetting to put an EXIT on the program that I built. Hence, it going into a loop. =)

Emjo, as I was reading your words, I was so scared that you would have given in to your mom - since you drove all that way. Yes! You did NOT!!! {smiling!}

Sharynmarie,

I wish in our family they could be so upfront, by saying something like this,
"no overnighter," but this will never happen. Now I know that in the case of the in-laws, well this is an exception since they don't live in the same state, and visits are not all the time. My niece does have some very nice in-laws. There is no tension there between her and them. In this case it's more about another relative who thinks she has carte blanche to be over-bearing, and ontop of it all, during the visitation by the in-laws. She needs to bud out! But of course this will only happen as I've said once my niece realizes this and just makes it difficult for her to come on these overnighters.

Your situation with you in-laws sounds terrible.
But good you made the right choice.

Thanks for the info about how to load up the pictures. I'll see if get brave and try it, because I got some pretty nice pics.

Much Love & LIght! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

I know my post was long and maybe convoluted. Anyway, her daughter is the one having the issue with the aunt vs. in-laws and say who is higher on the totem pole in terms of who is going to stay at my nieces's place while they come to town all at the same time.

Oh....my sister as I've mentioned, is real insensed by it all, and beneath it also I know my sister.....and I'm sure it gives her doubts about her own daughter's loyalty to her. It's quite crazy if you ask me. Really though.....I'm seeing that my niece has poor boundaries, or none to say the least. She's allowing this aunt of her's to guilt trip her. Anyway I got an ear full from my sister this afternoon.
Meanwhile......my nieces left early this morning so they could get back to N.M., as nieces husbands dad has to return to work tomorrow. Apparently the aunt ended up renting a motel nearby, but she spent the entire weekend, while in-laws were there the entire time. When they left this a.m., she left the hotel, and is now staying at my nieces's until Tues. How lovely and considerate of her.

Oh well! Maybe my niece has to experience this to realize her boundaries.
But you should have seen how my sister also reacted to much of this, it was kind of comical to watch.

Margeaux

twentanon -re "golden children" -it seems to be a characteristic of a narcissists to put their children into these roles for their own unhealthy purposes. Here is a quote from the daughters of narcissistic mothers site about the golden child and the scapegoat -sometimes known as the black sheep.
Pretty well all of us on this site, as far as I can see, are the scapegoats. I certainly,and what is happening over my sis's pending visit is a typical example of the games played.
I have added a few comments in brackets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golden Child / Scapegoat

It's very common for Narcissistic Mothers to have a Golden Child / Scapegoat dynamic going on.

In short, one child in the family is the Golden Child, and one or more is the Scapegoat.

The Golden Child, as the name suggests, is the best and most wonderful - at least in the eyes of the Narcissistic Mother. It seems to be that the Narcissistic Mother picks the Golden Child to be an extension of herself, onto whom she projects all her own supposed wonderfulness.

The Golden Child can do no wrong. He or she gets given the best of everything - even apartments or houses bought for them. Their most minor achievements are celebrated and held up for admiration.

The Scapegoat on the other hand is, also as the name suggests, the person on whom all the ills of the family are projected. They can do no right. Their major achievements are dismissed. Any money spent on them is the bare minimum and is spent begrudgingly.

Growing up the Scapegoat can understandably feel very jealous of the Golden Child. ( not in my case)

This, of course, leads to friction between the children, which suits the Narcissistic Mother. Divide and conquer and all that, and lots of opportunities for Triangulation. Indeed, the Golden Child can be encouraged, either overtly or tacitly, by the Narcissistic Mother, to bully the Scapegoat which adds to the friction. (absolutely)

I'd go so far as to venture that, if you're reading this, you were more likely to have been the Scapegoat than the Golden Child.

This is because, contrary to the way it felt growing up, the Scapegoat is actually the lucky one! I mean relatively lucky, of course. No child of a narcissistic mother can be ever described as being lucky.

The Golden Child can end up very engulfed by the Narcissistic Mother, and her life can end up being emmeshed in hers too. She may well grow without proper boundaries and proper self-identity. She is likely to remain, either forever or for a long time, as a puppet of the Narcissistic Mother. ( my sis still is)

The Scapegoat on the other hand, is the independent one. She's the one who's driven to seek answers and who may well realise about NPD. She's the one who can break free from the unhealthy dynamics of the family and create a healthy life.

She really is the lucky one at the end.

Read more: daughtersofnarcissisticmothers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

take care

Margeaux~From what you posted, I get the impression that your sister tries too hard to meet everyone's needs. I did that too between trying to please my in laws and my parents. With me, it was a need to keep some of my families traditions while my husband and his parents wanted it all their way. Because of the disrespect I felt towards my family from my in laws (which was non of their business), I chose my family. Your sister cannot please everyone. If your aunt is coming down and you know she will even if she does not tell them, , send an invitation about the event letting people know in advance that their will be no over night accommodations because of limited space and those that place to stay over night need to make their own accommodations. Or let them know in the invite that this is a one day affair only because the family will not be available the next day. It is a shame that family will impose that way with no thought to how it will affect others...it is like...the Queen is coming so move over!!

Margeaux - it all sounds so familiar - nothing like a family event/visit to bring out all the drama. Your aunt sounds like a real narcissist/controller too and that always brings tension -dysfunctional families indeed!
Glad you could enjoy the babies and that your mum had a good time,

Well, you never know. After many phone calls and an email to mother, none of which were answered, I called the front desk of her ALF. They called her and she did not answer, so the girl went up to mother's unit to see her and called me back. Mother does not want to see me now, she wants to see me when my sister is over. She wants what she wants!. Who knows what is going on between them, if anything, but I usually get in trouble somehow. I cannot visit when my sis is over as one of the weeks we will be in Toronto, and the other week I am having dental surgery (implants/bone graft). Sis did not consult me when she made her plans to find out if I was available when she came over. It is the old "jump and ask how high on your way up" game. I don't do that. Mother will rip a strip off me for that - too bad. Phones can be hung up, I spoke with mother a couple of times about coming down this weekend and she wanted to see me - go figure, She is creating a reason to be angry at me and to favour my sis. - an old, old game,
Can't say I am disappointed, as I don't need the stress of aa visit, but she has some nerve. Her narcissism is in full bloom and she has no concern for causing anyone else any inconvenience. Of course, she often complains that I don't come and visit her enough!!!
The weather is bad today - icy sidewalks and I am happy to stay in. The dinner theatre was good Friday, supper tomorrow with one friend, and the lunch date has changed to an early supper date Tuesday. Then I leave Wednesday after the cosmetic makeup session.
Never peaceful for long with these personality disorder narcissists.
Love and hugs to all

Sharynmarie,

I'll bet Midget looked real cute!

Yes, I'm better from the death. It's been two weeks now.
I saw my neighbor who unfortunately was the guy who found her. I tried talking to him about it, but here again....I'm seeing another case of a guy w/bottled up emotions. I think also, he's just private, that's o.k., just wanted to offer support if he needed it.

Oh....speaking of those babies. My sister's grandson celebrated his 2nd birthday this last Sat. His mom and dad, had a smaller party at their home for him and just invited the very close relatives. My niece has an aunt who drives in from out of the state. There seems to be some kind of competition going on between this aunt and my sister. This aunt was somewhat close to my sister's daughter, and is related through niece's dad's side of family. Well now that she has these two babies, any time there's some celebration, she wants to come down attend, but also she wants to stay at my nieces house. Niece's in-laws live in New Mex.
So they try to come down for parties or baptismal, etc. So at first the in-laws thought they weren't going to make it for this last weekend's party, but then my niece and husband found out last week they were driving down. This created a dilemma, concerning the aunt, (who is being pushy) and she was pressuring my niece as to whether she could stay at their house. Of course the in-laws stay whenever they've been in town. But it was unbelievable how this aunt kept insisting, although it didn't happen. My sister told me, she had to even call this aunt and tell her that it would be quite inconvenient for my niece and husband to have her there, because after all there is no room for all those people. Besides, my sister also told her that she thought they should have some alone time w/son, DIL, and new grandkids. Bonding time!

This aunt has been doing this ever since my niece had her baby shower.
When we had that for niece, she came into town and took over at the shower.
Here, my sister had paid for the entire event, but the aunt became like the master of ceremonies during the shower. She's so annoying this woman, and so pushy.
Anyway, it also seems to have culminated into the aunt asking my sister whether my sister wanted these grandkids to call her grandma. Then she suggested to my sis, that they could call her like a nick name in Spanish which equals grandma, and that then they could call her grandma. For crying out loud, these babies can't even talk yet. But my sister told her under no uncertain terms that there was only one grandma being herself, and that's the only person to be called grandma. What on earth kind of crazy nonsense is this?

So you can just imagine, that this aunt was not behaving very dignified, nor like a happy camper during my great nephew's birthday party. She looked mad.
To top things off, I mean I really think that under these circumstances my sister has a totally legitimate gripe......however, given that my sister is possessive and jealous.......this kind of thing is right up her alley.

This is exactly why I go with so much hesitation to these events w/in the family.
Who was it that just wrote, think it was Gettingstrong, about how people can
affect our moods. Well, this did it for me.

Nevertheless, my husband and I went. Babies were too cute.
They had two ponies for the kids to ride for an hour.
My mom showed up rather late, because when the CG was ready to bring her down, mom fell asleep. So by the time mom showed up, a few hours had passed. My sister was so fussed and full of tension from the aunt situation,
that she was blaming the CG, for mom showing up so late. I thought this was rather unfair. But here I was seeing another instance of how my sister becomes,
when there's a variance as to how she has planned something. She's very inflexible, a big problem for her.

Mom looked real cute. She was happy to see people. She was doing that, making the extra effort around people. I am glad that she can still do that.

I know this had to be my warning about the impending holidays.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Margeaux~I laughed about your husband being inpatient! I learned from my children, my son is not patient and I would have to slow him down so I could take notes for step by step instructions for me to follow or I would forget and have to ask him AGAIN!! My son wants to show me where I am a hands on person, I learn by doing not watching. It took me a few days to figure out how to reinstall McAfee Security and Lightroom 4 but I did it and I am so proud of myself not only for doing it but for not messing things up further, LOL!!

The seniors were excited to get the spiders, and to see Midget dressed as a witch. My mom was just not in a place that day to visit...she enjoyed Midget, but as soon as she would come sit down with me she would start in again. When she started accusing me, I figured it was best to leave before things got really ugly. I am ok with it, I chock it up to all Alzheimer's and can let it go. I still know that her PD is a big part of her negativity, but I have a choice to either stay and listen to it or leave before it gets worse. I didn't go there expecting a response from my mother in regards to bringing the spider/candy. Yes, i was disappointed that we could not have spent more time together that was pleasant but this is my mom.

I chuckled a little when she told me "I hate it here!" I ask her why, she said, "It is boring." Again, I asked her why is it boring? She said, "It is the same routine everyday!" LOL!!! My mother complained about life being boring 20-30 years ago as much as she did just 9 months ago....In other words...nothing has changed in how she thinks. I am not worried or concerned that she does nothing all day because I know different. When I was running to her house 2-3 times a day she complained that she was bored. Famous last words of my mother will be "I'm bored!"

Hubby and I took a little drive up in the foothills today. It was cool and breezy but a nice few hours away from home. We went to Columbia State Park near Sonora, Ca. It is a preserved gold mining town, store employees dress for the period. We went to the candy store (a favorite of hubby's) bought some peanut brittle, almond bark, and pecan logs.

Margeaux, your camera should have a cord that attaches to the camera and other end goes into your harddrive (usually there are 2 vertical slots and you can insert the cord into either slot). I do this from my desktop, once I am connected I turn on the camera and on your desktop it should pop up asking to import pictures to your picture gallery. Just click on import or yes and wait while it loads the pictures. It will let you know when it is done and may ask if you want to erase the pictures when done. I never click to erase because I am not sure if it means erase from my camera or the computer. If you don't have a cord to attach, you should be able to remove the memory card from your camera and insert it into the slot on your hard drive.

How are you doing since your neighbor passed away. You sound better in your posts. I hope your mom, sis, nieces and babies are all good.

Take care and hugs to you!!
Sharyn

Sharynmarie,

I hope the seniors enjoyed the spider Halloween candies.
I would also leave if my mother behaved this way, especially where she's using guilt. This is awful! Yes, self preservation.

I wish I were more computer literate. I know basics, but still need to learn how to load pictures up to the computer. In fact I took some yesterday, and my husband wanted for me to do this very task. But I'm afraid if I would have done it, he would end up with his lecture style of trying to teach me. He is quite an impatient person, and if I don't understand this kind of stuff, he'll make remarks to the tune of "We're in the 21st century," so we need to learn this kind of stuff. I so don't like it, when he starts to take on this kind of attitude with me. So I guess, I'll have to do some reading or take a class.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

I so agree with you, Iwentanon!

I have been so busy caregiving with my 86 year old and her dysfunctional family
that I forgot about my own...


At a recent 50th wedding anniversary party of my Aunt,
while sitting in the living room expecting to be talking with my Aunt
about her 50 years, my mother (who I haven't seen for two years) says to me,
the reason she gave me grief (and my younger sister POA) my whole life and much more than that was because I still had feelings for my father after their divorce (almost 50 years ago) and I was thinking between us two (and of course there are three of us) siblings, I would have a better memory, as I was the oldest, I guess in my family the golden children were the two youngest...now only the baby...

Why do some parents make golden children, it has to be nurture, right?????

Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood hunh,
I think I will check it out!

When I got my new computer two years ago,
thank God I still had ms windows 7 to install,
instead of ten ....
yahoo keeps on changing their format...
now they have the adds on the side which they now want you to pay for yahoo
to stop the adds...isn't that why we were promised, when we started paying for cable?
and yahoo original to me was also user friendly...

Food for thought, this is my email of Daily thoughts for Oct.30.

Nothing is Impossible to a Willing Heart.
by John Heywood

On the online course, a poster told me that she came from a dysfunctional family and she highly recommends that I join a 12 step group for Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. If you find the link, you can check if they have meetings in your area.

Because she mentioned children with Alcoholics, I happened to mention that I ordered a book also for children of dysfunctional family of parents who are alcoholic: the book is titled: The Child Within.

When I mentioned this, another poster recommended another book that is helpful . It's by Wayne Muller: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood.... she said that you don't have to be in the least bit religious to benefit from it. She said that it's full of wisdom and comfort.

I wanted to share with those here on the DYS thread about the meeting one - in case you're interested... and the book on spiritual. The reason I bring up the spiritual is that at the moment, my therapist keeps coming back to my spiritual well-being. I am Completely Closed Off from God, the Bible, No Praying at all.. just completely shut down. I am NOT agnostic or an atheist. I just have this major guilty conscience about being a bad christian for turning my back to God when I had to obey the commandment to Honor our Parents. That was 24 years ago. Her eyes widened when she found out I have shut God out that long. I told her quickly that I am still a good person. I have not done any major sin. So I was thinking maybe it's time that I also work on my Spiritual Well-being among everything else going on in my life!