The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Alison,

Quite the opposite with my friend. She wasn't embarrassed at all. The way she was talking about this shampoo, and the wonders it did for her hair, she sounded rather proud, kind of boastful too. She took me through the entire explanation about how DHT that builds up on the scalp is the real killer of hair, thereby causing baldness. So by this lengthy explanation she offered, then she wouldn't give up the name. HAAH! She's very insecure beneath all of it, don't you think? It's o.k.,though.......this is how one really finds out who people really are, instead of the masks they wear. It reminded me of behavior a child would employ, the not sharing. Ms spirituality, yeah right!

Oh, those supplements. I take my share too. It is a discipline. but oh boy, I sometimes forget to take my MSN, which is good for the muscles/skeletal functions. I felt it too, because it does help from having pains. I also take some a complex B, and glucosamine/chondroitin.

I tried some juicing a few weeks ago, and I loved it. I must get back to that.
Have you by any chance ever had any Kombucha. I used to have some mushrooms and would make my own brew. This is a pro-biotic also, and is great to detox the body of junk. It gives you energy also. I must get some more of that.

To all our health,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Bookluvr,

You made me laugh, do you know my friend?
Yes, but you're right! I know it's not Rogaine. Actually I thought Rogaine wss only for men.

She did tell me that the product she bought cost about $25.00.
That conversation with her, ended up being rather ridiculous, if you ask me.

Margeaux

Emjo,

The first time I read what you wrote about M, I thought she was way out of line.
Just because your mother seems to confide in her, doesn't give her the right to start lecturing you. It's non of her business!

I don't know what to suggest you say to her, but I'll give it some thought.
Since you know this now, about her at least you could be kind of prepared.

I've been caught in a situation with my SIL, (the bigmounth) when she decided to go on a rant with me the day we lost dad......that some nurse at the hospital had told her that my mother shouldn't be left alone, because she was in such grief.
At the time, I lived with them so was constantly around any and all things concerning dad's health. I was so mad to hear something like this from her......and she's the last person who should be giving out advice,because she's always on non-speaking terms w/her own mother and sisters. How do you like that?
The trouble was then, that I was so in shock, that she totally caught me off guard.

I'm really sorry that you have been having your health issues acting up, too.
I know......I had the sinus infection, then that cleared up. Then I had a bout w/some arthritis.....the weather is changing and my body was feeling it the last two weeks.
Well, I hope you are o.k., because I know you went to the dentist today.
All right, take care of yourself,
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Hi Folks... went to see a lawyer today in regards to the POA that I share with my brother and the financial duties, and whether or not to get mom reevaluated as incompetant or not. He said if my brother and his wife took mom without asking then he shouldn't come later when it's too difficult. He said you got what you wanted. All because my brother doesn't want to share the visits as I'm in Florida.(claiming she doesn't like fl) And just getting a good feeling that he isn't allowed to deplete her funds and if he does,it's contestable because he didn't ask. I'm hoping I can trust my brother but you all know how it goes. I will still tape a conversation with her in case it's ever needed. I'll make tapes here and there. nothing wrong with that. He said too, the more I talk about selling moms house regardless if I want the funds in her account it makes me sound like the greedy one even if I want to sell the contents and house so she doesn't have to pay out monthly money for not living there. He said sometimes you can't make "stupid" people understand a smarter act. I just have to let them believe they are smarter for now. We're only 1 month into this situation..I'll sit back and watch and wait. thank you all again..HUGS

We have gone into Scorpio now, today, and we are going to start a Retrograde.
During Mercury Retrograde, this planet being the one about communication,
it can go awry. I already feel it, HAAH! I'm so glad I can share some of this stuff w/all of you. My friends are dysfunctional, what can I say?
Margeaux

Today I had a rather weird experience with my neighbor the wine drinker.
She had a friend over, and invited me for coffee. My neighbor has lost her sense of smell and taste due to she's rather unsure. But she's had chemo, and then she took some heavy medications a few years ago, about the time she lost these.
I know she has this condition, and believe me.....I feel badly for anyone who can't taste their food, it must be hard. So every now an again I go over to smell say things like her milk, and other juices and if they've gone bad she tosses them out.

Many times as is natural for anybody.....we end up talking about food. Sometimes if we're eating together I comment how something tastes, whether it's good or not, etc. Well, I'm noticing that she increasingly reminds me each and every time if we start to have one of the food conversations, she''ll always refer to herself, and say, "Oh well, it doesn't matter, everything tastes the same."
You just can't imagine how many times she's told me this kind of thing.
Sometimes she even brings up the food topic.

So while I was sitting there with she and her friend having coffee, I was telling then about some shi shi restaurant I had dinner in about a week ago. I told them how pricey it was, and that food quality was terrible.

Her friend started to tell me about the restaurants in her area, so yes it was all about food. As the friend and I continued our conversation, I noticed my neighbor fidgeting......as in she wasn't digging the conversation. She then interrupted, by saying, "Oh, let's talk about something else, I can't stand to hear about all this food." Her friend and I looked at one another, then I told my neighbor that the fact we were talking about this was not done with the intent to upset her. I felt very uncomfortable, and I know her friend did too, as she was doing most of the talking.

To be honest......sometimes it's made me annoyed previous to this incident when she constantly deflects to herself about the fact that she can't taste food. I sure know that 1000X's over, because she always reminds me. Anyway, since she was so vocal, I guess food as a subject will be off topic. I know her too, she'll probably start talking about food all on her own. So you see, when she brings up the topic it's o,k, But when others bring it up, it's like she takes it very personally.
Yikes, what's going on with friends right now??

Margeaux

I definitely don't think it's Rogaine. There are a lot of other products apparently out there that clean at the follicle level.

Yes, this friend gets on my nerves, because she loves to go on and on about her spirituality....but her behavior many times is low level.....selfish and she really has some real rough edges to herself. Although she would have one believe differently

Like I said, I can't tell you all the times she called me recently w/some crazy readings on her blood pressure. I would look things up for her, and send info. along to her. But the other day she made me feel as if I have stupid written on my forehead, well she's going to have some new behavior by me.

Margeaux

Alison, it is tough being in the situation where I inherit money and investments that my mother did not tell anyone about earlier.

There is a website for growing hair naturally. It is a cider vinegar rinse. My mom had us rinse our hair with vinegar when we were little, it is suppose to make your hair shiny.

No, it's not Rogaine. Rogaine for women does not really help as much as Rogaine helps men. I read up on all these when researching my thinning hair. Rogaine for Women just Halts the hair loss. It does NOT improve the healthiness of it.

I'm thinking that she might have tried one of those new products that they show on the TV commercial. I remembered writing it down and checking out its website. I have to spend over $100 for the initial treatment because it's an intense startup treatment. After that, you can then order the "shampoo" every once in a while to Maintain your hair. I can't remember the name. But in the commercial, the man said that his wife's hair grew back and she looks young again - with beautiful hair.

Sorry Margeaux, I can't remember the name of the new product. I have researched all kinds of women's hair loss shampoos. Googled reviews, etc. MOST do Not do as they claim. They just slow the process but not really promise to re-grow the hair. It may seem that it's re-growing but it's just expanding your existing hair's width - and hence the fuller look.

I had to do open enrollment over the phone. I hope I do not have a repeat of this next year.

Margeaux~I think my sister may have confused the information. She is saying she may not have an auto immune disease now. She said she asked the dr. twice and she said male pattern baldness which I guess women get it too but not to the extent that men do. I am not sure what to make of it.

Your friend may very well be using Rogaine as Alison suggested. It is funny how people will not share something like that. Give it a try and see if it works for you.

Have a good day!!

Hi
Just want to check in and say Hi....we were without inet for almost a month, got it back last week. I could not possibly catch up with what all of you have been going thru...Just hoping we cope the best we can...

Back home and trying to get house put back together..been a wild and crazy summer.
Moms leg is still in a cast and probably go to removable device next week at her follow up....this scares me now that I know exactly how extremely weak her bones are..how easily the leg broke in the beginning. and how hard it is to get her taken care of properly! Praying for good fortune and strength in this department!
Again hope EVERYONE is doing well with our particular situations....

I did catch as I checked in Cmag lost your mom, hope you are doing OK...

Peace,
Juju

Book, for the record, I don't like taking supplements, lol. Its annoying to have these bottles sitting around, and remember to take them. I guess I'm at a point where I kept seeing these doctor's and other speakers talk about certain ones... and I felt that there were certain things I should just go ahead and add into my diet, since I know I had toxic mold exposure/illness. Its kinda like I would try about anything at this point, if I thought it would help me to recover. Why does your father like and take his supplements? Just routine, or to get past a particular ailment? I'm just curious. My father is opposite - he doesn't want to put anything into his body that isn't natural and already there, doesn't even like taking an aspirin or vitamin C when he's sick. But then he also eats a lot of canned, processed foods, and there's plenty of additives and chemicals in those, so to me it makes zero logical sense to see aspirin/vitamins as "bad" and processed foods as "good."

Margeaux, I lol'd about your friend who wouldn't give up the name of the shampoo, but I can see how that would be irritating. If my girlfriend did that, I would be mad. It comes off as catty. The only thing I could think of is that her shampoo is something like what Sharyn mentioned - a Rogaine shampoo - and she felt slightly embarrassed?

Cmag, I feel for you, being put in the position that you're in, since your mother did not openly disclose or discuss her plans for estate while she was alive and able. I hope your step-father chooses to respond, and you can settle all of this soon.

Happy Wednesday, all.

This is an interesting subject, hair maintenance. I have always had thin hair.
So about 3 mos. ago, my girlfriend came to visit. I hadn't seen her in a long time since she lives out of the city. Her hair looked unusually good.

So then a couple weeks later, she called and I told her that I needed to find a shampoo to use on my hair. The one I was using wasn't working for me.
She then started to promote a shampoo that she was using. I then told her how I'd noticed how nice her hair looked the last time I saw her. Well after much talk about this new product, I asked her what the name of the product is. She answered, "Oh it's a secret." I couldn't believe this! It really made me mad, and I found it completely immature on her part. She's had a ton of health issues these last two years. Anytime she's stressing about them, she always calls me, because she knows I've read a lot about some conditions. I've shared tons of information with her, and is why this really rubbed me the wrong way.
I'm afraid I won't be as sharing with my info in the future. She's the kind of person that likes to go on and on about what great friends we are, too.
Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

Your sister sounds completely mixed up about the male pattern baldness and auto immune disease. I understand the as being two different things. Possibly loss of hair could be an effect of an auto immune illness.

In any case, I heard a long time ago that if the body is polluted one of the areas it will invariably affect is the hair. It's almost like the hair becomes a dumping ground.

My neighbor is in her late 70's. When I first met her one of the first things I noticed, was the fact that she had a lot of hair. At the time I thought, how lucky she being her age, and still having some nice tresses.

About two years though she fell and cracked her ribs. The doctor put her on some very strong medications, one I remember was Vicodin.
There were others. By then I also knew that she was on blood pressure medication. In a matter of two mos., I saw her hair take on a very strange look, and she was loosing a lot of it. But she is the one I've written about who drinks more than her share. She religiously dies her hair also. So I know that all of these things combined add up to becoming a candidate for bad hair.

I was doing a search and all the things I've mentioned have been studied over and over again by experts and the health of the hair.

Now of course on a more I'll call it cosmetic scale about hair......there is something to checking the ingredients in the shampoos one uses. Many made of chemicals clog the follicles. Once your follicle is clogged, hair thins or dies.
The more natural the ingredients probably the better for your hair.
Jojoba oil is great for unclogging hair follicles. I used to buy some at a local farmer's market. Someone had a business and sold very high grade oil.

Anyway there is plenty of information about this subject.
We can all find some good remedies, I'm sure.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Joan~M may have to run the course with your mother before she truly understands but sending her some info could help if she is receptive to it.

I have spent too many hours already trying to complete the open enrollment. When nothing has changed, I don't understand why we have to do this every year. Our contract was settled in the spring, we had to do it then, the only way I was able to complete it was for them to give me a temporary password. I don't want to keep doing this every year.

Book~My sisters dr. told her to use Rogaine shampoo. It does work but you have to use it as your only shampoo and if you stop using it, the hair will fall out again.

Alison and Joan~I have not tried juicing, my hubby has but only for a short time. He did it once a day for about 2 months. I think he did it more to see if he could lose weight. I hope you both can get your energy back, having a constant level of fatigue does wear you down emotionally too. Take care of yourselves as I know you are already doing.

Hugs to everyone!!

ABB, I think you and father would get along famously. He is into health pills, etc.. He used to take colloidal silver, and herbal anitbiotics, etc...

Emjo, Cmag and Margeaux...{{HUGS}} ..I've been a bit down lately. When I read sad posts here, my mind just shuts down. I think it's just pure exhaustion. I am tired at nights, when I wake up and during the day.

Sharyn, I can see a bald stop forming on my top front area of my head. My eyes goes to it every morning. We don't have a store wig here. I would have to order it. I went online and found one that people were raving about. It's a specially made wig to fit your head. Unfortunately, you have to go to their store so that they can measure your head, and then you choose the style, and ...tada! A perfect fit wig. So, I got to debating if I should wear one of those "caps" that cancer patient's wear when they have chemo and lose all their hair. I can settle with that if I can get all kinds of color to match my clothes. AND I don't have to worry about it flying off my head when we have our regular windy storms.

Emjo, I most certainly empathize with your feelings of frustration about having prolonged illness. Out of desperation, I've done quite a bit of research this year (in past years as well, but especially since the mold illness hit) into a couple of things you mention - candida, thyroid.

I've also been tested for thyroid levels over the years and have always been told my results were within normal range. I will tell you that I suffer all the classic symptoms as well as my mother has hypothyroidism, and supposedly it is genetic. Anyway, since I can't seem to get help from medical community, I've learned a little about holistic medicines/natural supplements. I recently started taking Iodine in the form of Lugols Solution, you can find online or vitamin store. I take 1-2 drops per day. It supposedly helps with thyroid function. It does something, to be sure. You can feel the all over warming sensation after taking just the one drop each day. Its inexpensive and has been around for many years.

Clearing up candida: I've learned a bit about battling a fungal/yeast infection within the body, and began taking grapefruit seed extract, oil of oregano, colloidal silver, and the Lugols solution. These supplements (along with restrictive diet) came up again and again in the mold illness videos I watched. I personally think a high quality probiotic is key, too. I just ordered the VSL#3 packets. But if you have a physician to prescribe probiotic, I think the prescription ones work, too. Or kefir. I have experience taking both water and milk kefir, they're both excellent natural probiotics and very inexpensive really, since you "grow your own."

Ok, so those are just some of my thoughts about the thyroid and candida. I'm going through a similar problem of being physically run down long term this year. I had battled back using juicing and regular cardio and some other tools, but I took an antibiotic a couple months ago (for what I now realize was a fungal sinus infection) and it knocked my system way out of whack again. Now I battle back again. ;) I sympathize, Joan, its just so frustrating to have low grade chronic fatigue and illness.

(((Hugs))) to everyone ;D

I am feeling up in the air while I wait to hear from the letter that my lawyer sent to my step-dad with a copy of the will which requested a time convenient to him for when I can come over and get a few things that belonged to my mother; outlines what needs to be done with the car that belonged to my mother and I; and reminds him of his offer to pay $8,000 down on the cost of the funeral. The letter was sent last Wednesday. He's had about a week to respond without even a phone call. I'm sorry that my mother never told him that years ago she made me co-owner with right of survivorship of her personal accounts in a separate bank and of her investments. That has got to have hit him like a ton of bricks, but for whatever reason, my mother did this and did not tell him. So, I inherit the money, the investments and the land that my mother inherited from her mother which was in a trust for me and now belongs to me. He now has full ownership of two houses and will soon have my mother's car for free so that his helper can continue to drive him around in it like she has for the last 4 years.

sharyn - I am sorry about the confusion with your union. I know it can be very frustrating, I will join you in the rubber room. I have been tearful for a few days now. I think just this prolonged illness - first the flu then my guts acting up - not severely painful but pretty uncomfortable at times, and unpredictable so I have not wanted to leave the house much. Tomorrow I will go to the dentist and will take whatever meds I need to, to get through a couple of hours safely. Imodium works pretty well. My thyroid test came back normal but I am having trouble believing it as I had at least 1/2 doz symptoms of it being too low and I have felt so much better since taking a little extra. Doing some reading and apparently the test should be done first thing in the morning, and I went in mid afternoon, when the levels tend go in the wrong direction. I can go again in 6 weeks or see the doc to go sooner.

I need some feedback. I have been thinking of what that gal, M. who visits mother, said to me and why it upset me. It is the same game mother has played with my sister and anyone else who will listen, all my life, which is to bad mouth me, and misrepresent what happened to make me look bad. M is believing everything mother is saying, it seems, and feels she needs to tell me how to correct my behaviour. She did it last summer too I DON'T NEED IT!!! My cousin's son finally has admitted that mother did that with him, but he has gotten clued in over the years and doesn't visit her any more. Mother and my sis still do it and then my sis lands on me with 1/2 or non truths and rips a strip off me. I think I have to say something to M, but just not sure what. Mother has gone through several people at the church who have reached out to her and I am sure this will happen to this gal too eventually. M said to me in the summer that it was too bad that people in the church did not reach out to mother. I told her that they had and eventually got hurt and backed off. I am thinking of suggesting to her that she read about BPD and narcissism - maybe ending her some info. and also to please check with me before assuming that what mother is saying is true, Mother told M that the ALF is taking $2000 more for her rent than they should be - not true! I thought after I talked with M last summer that she "got it" but apparently not. She thinks that by "listening" to mother she is helping her, and maybe she is to a degree, but agreeing with her "off the wall" tales is not. It only fuels the fire.
someone mentioned earlier about letting the past anger go - fair enough - but the continued abuse is still an issue that has to be dealt with. In my case that involves my sis and my mum due to mental illness.
sharyn and book - re hair loss - a family member wears a wig and it looks fine and is not too expensive. The one she has can even be slept in. If I ever need to, I will get one. Our family has very fine hair, so hair loss shows.
Good advice to those above - look for resources in the community. Often it is not healthy for someone who has been abused to do hands on caregiving -it triggers too many emotions. I stay at arm's length as much as possible.
cmag -wondering how you are doing. I am sure you have a bit of work to do to sort things out re your mother's estate.
hi to everyone. Hopefully I will be back on track soon, ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))

My sister said that the psychiatrist lower the dosage of Welbutrin back to 100 mg a day instead of 200mg. I am thinking that since sis has low blood pressure and Welbutrin is very energizing, that the higher dosage was causing her to have tremors...IDK it is just a guess. I took Welbutrin and I could not consume anything with caffeine because it would cause heart palpations for me.

This has been a horrible day for me with open enrollment regarding my insurance coverage at work. In the last 1.5 years it has been a nightmare to get logged into the website with a username and password. The problem I have is it will let me create the username and password...then I am to use the same username and password to access the application process. The site won't accept my password. I have spent over 2 hours calling numbers to my union but because of open enrollment they are not able handle the amount of calls coming in. I finally got hold of a woman, I explained to her the situation and how I cannot go into the union office because I am not just working, I am taking care of my mother, her house and my house...so please help me because this should not have to be this difficult. Bless her, she tried...but I have been locked out of the site again. I will try tomorrow morning early for tech support. I feel like a big baby because I have been blubbering for the last 2 hours over this since this seems to be an on going issue with our union and their website. They will not do hard copies...it has to be done online or we have to go into the union office. I don't have time for that. So I am feeling sorry for myself, it should not have to be this difficult.

Book~I asked my sister some questions about the baldness. She said the dr. said it is a male pattern baldness but she is not satisfied with the diagnosis. The psychiatrist upped her dosage of Wellbutrin and she said a rare side effect of it is hair loss. Plus she is having tremors (Parkinsonism type shaking) I am wondering since the psychiatrist told her he has never had a patient that he could not find an antidepressant that worked for them, if she possibly is not depressed and her symptoms are just because of her health issues or maybe one of the other drugs she is taking for diabetes.

I ordered see's candy suckers that are decorated like black spiders (enough for all the residents in memory care), I bought Bridgette a witch costume...it wraps around her belly) but the little chubby girl is too big around so I am going to go to JoAnns and get a velcro strip to add to it. It has a hat too. The nurse said it was ok for all the residents to have a sucker.

Remember the man I posted about who always had a problem when I brought Bridgette in??? I noticed the last few times I have been there that he was not there. My mom told me a woman had died about 3 weeks ago. Today I noticed he was not there again and it dawned on me that it was his mother who passed away. I am sorry for him and his family, but I am glad I did not have to confront him regarding me bringing the dog to visit.

Paula,

Your mother is definitely in great need, but you shouldn't have to tolerate this kind of abuse. We just recently had a death here at our property last week.
The deceased suffered some serious osteo-arthritis and a whole host of other ailments. She was quite immobile. In hindsight, one thing that keeps popping
up in my mind the last few days, is that she should have had something like,
Life Alert.

Have you contacted Department of Social Services, at all?
They may be able to put you in touch with some help, which it sounds as if you could really use.

O.K., Paula, welcome to this thread, and let us know what's happening in your life.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Book~It does sound like the thinning hair may be a hereditary issue in your family. How about the men, are they balding too. I worked with a woman who had very thin hair, you could see her scalp and she was in her late twenties..this was back in the 80's, she now wears a wig and it looks really good. It changed her self esteem to the point that she dieted, loosing a lot of weight. The wig style she picked out was so flattering on her face, it was quiet surprising. We have no other women in our family with this, just my sister. Next time you go out shopping, stop in a shop that sells wigs and try some on, see what you think. I told my sister to do the same thing.

Take her out for everyone's sakes just cause you can deal with her does not mean that workers should have to do so. They are contracted to fix the roof period.

I was told by my mothers landlord that in order for them to fix her leaking roof, we have to take her out for 2 days!! The reason, she is verbally abusive to the workers and while this is true, I told them she's an old lady, she can't hurt them I find it hard to believe they can't deal with her. Sissies, I've been listening to her noise all my life.

one does need to see humor in life

Snorkel, if it gets really really bad with brother, you can try calling the local government’s senior citizen department. Perhaps they can give you some tips on helping your brother via various programs. It doesn’t hurt to ask around. When mom was diagnosed with dementia at age 55, father was able to apply for Meals-on-wheels hot lunches for the weekdays. He was able to apply on a research program on dementia in return, they provided a one-hour caregiver respite AND a limited amount of vouchers for supplies like pampers, wipes, gloves, etc....He applied with the Catholic Social Services and we were able to have them come 4 hours a week to help mom. Instead father had them break it down to 1 hour a day - and they just wash mom. They were experts at getting her to shower even though she didn't want to. They were very nice and patient and cajoling to mom.

I agree with Sharyn about doing things for them when they can do it themselves. Father and I had major arguments because everyone spoilt him except me. I mean, he even wanted me to press the darn remote control to raise his bed’s head up!! It’s a remote control! I’m not my sister. I tell him if he wants up, to use the remote. He cusses and gets mad and eventually does it himself. That’s one of many examples of our clashing.

Hi Paula, I’m sorry with the situation with your mother. I was wondering if maybe you can benefit with some online YouTube videos on how to deal with the elderlies – especially those with dementia. I need to re-watch those videos too because I have been losing my temper with father. I need a “refresher”. Just Google Teepa Snow videos. I recommend this to help us on how to react to our parents. And how NOT to.

As for your mom’s deteriorating behavior, is there any way to do it sneakily by tricking her or using some other excuse to do what needs to be done? My father wasn’t as bad as your mom. He still has pride and is too embarrassed to have my sister, her hubby and the kids visit and he stinks. He would refuse to shower for like 2 weeks. When the smell gets really bad, I will tell him straight that he smells like old pee on him and so-and-so is visiting. He needs to go shower. I don’t ask him to. If I ask, he will say he doesn’t need to shower. I just present this is what’s happening, and you need to do this. Maybe you can tweak this in a way that might get your mom to agree for you to clean the place. Otherwise, you may have to wait until she hurts herself…..

Getnstrong, in our people’s custom, there is nothing wrong with taking photos of our dead loved ones in their coffin. We did that with mom’s passing this March. We took photos of posing by her coffin with her showing. What baby brother and I objected and he got mad – was when our 2 nieces posted mom’s photo in the coffin. That was very tacky and very disrespectful. I wanted to get on the phone and blast both of them. But baby bro handled it. But boy was he very pissed off!