notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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I personally have stopped communicating with two friends from the Keys where I lived for 5 yrs. We have nothing to really communicate about but the same old conversation, and I've come to the conclusion that people are in our lives "for a time". They come through for some purpose--maybe a lesson we have to learn, or maybe just because we have something in common with them. My life has changed so much since the early 90's. I used to hang on to friends, as if having this thread of a friendship made me feel better about myself. "see, how many people like me?" (I am not in any way suggesting that you have that weakness) Now all these years later, we are no longer actively a part of each others' lives, and you can only talk about the past so much. Like going to a reunion. I found that after "so where are you living now? do you have a family?" and nonsense like that, I had little in common with them any more, and frankly don't care.
Lately I feel ready to "let go" of so many things, people, ideas, etc. It feels very freeing. So perhaps Jupiter is in alignment with Mars, or the universe is swiveling on a different axis or something, but I am aware that many people are undergoing changes at this time. Some welcome, some perplexing, some disappointing.
The real true friends in my life have been there through all of life from the time we met, whenever that was. And the rest have their own agenda. OK, now I'm just blabbering......good night, all.
Love and hugs to all
There are aspens where we are in Northern Alberta. They are quite widespread. Very pretty in the fall.
I stopped serving extra carbs years ago. I usually do a stuffing -apple and onion - and leave out the rolls and potatoes. Lots of veggie work too -homemade cranberry sauce, brussel sprouts, a salad, turnips, and skim the fat off the gravy. I have done a carrot and turnip (rutabaga actually) mash which the kids liked and I less carbs than potatoes. I think we will have a turkey in the middle of next week as Gary and also 2nd son and wife will be out of town. I made a pumpkin ice cream and am still wondering if I like it. I think I will take dd and family out for a meal soon. I don't feel up to having the bunch of them over yet, As some may remember ds and dil will not come here if dd is here. Dysfunctional families aaaaargh!!!
Welcome to the new posters. You are all a stalwart bunch for tackling what you do. My motto is "Look after yourself". The whole caregiving thing is so stressful under any circumstances, and few have supportive families/siblings.
Have heard no more from my is since I told her I would be travelling with G. Still waiting to hear that the mental health team has visited mother. She called the other day and said she would be happy to see me. I said G and I be down there and see her at the end of this month, by which time I should be recovered. I certainly don't want to give this bug to her.
Nice fall weather holding. Long may it last!
"get" nice to have another person in their 70s here. Absolutely fight against it getting you down.
Special prayers for you cmag, and your family. The funeral will be over by now aand I know you still will have a lot of work with your mother's estate.
To all love and hugs
My son will visit his grampa today at 3. And my sil will stop by to see him too.tomorrow we will go see my mom and the rest of the day he can go se some friends and I can catch up here at home.
I am glad your mom is doing well. You are probably right that it is the Alz disrupting her eating. I think the vision issue my mom has is also a result of the Alz misfiring her brain.
Well you take care and my thoughts are with you.
I am making a whole turkey breasted today...homemade bread stuffing but not a large amount of stuffing and no mashed potatoes and gravy. Low sodium
I admire the advocacy, and the true friendship you have honored with your 86 yr.
old friend. This must be very difficult for you, then also your own disabilities.
I am curious, did you have a written agreement with her of any kind, as to being paid as her caregiver? I have read other situations where either a relative, or a friend as in your case has really done a lot and really....if there's money to be paid, I'm the first one to agree on this topic, one should be paid. But then, according to laws and when the courts become involved this can become so convoluted. Were you working for the Catholic Charities?
I hope you can resolve this.
Meanwhile..take care of yourself,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Thank you so much for asking for moi and mother.
I can't, and refuse to complain! Although, I did get a little sad last week.
Remember that adorable black cat, I wrote about....the neighbor's cat.
He was the one who came over after our own Vanilla died back in Feb.,
started jumping our garden fence every time while we were really missing Vanilla. His name is Osiris. Well, his owner's and he moved. Anyway, I really didn't want to get into realizing I was missing this cat, but I was. Oh well, for the time that he visited, and I was close to him long before he jumped our fence.
So I am thankful.
According to my sister my mother has been giving her a hard time regarding, eating. Now that mother no longer has a gallbladder, my sisters finally realized how important it has become to put mother on a way more bland, and gentler diet. So mom is protesting, by making faces at the food, then not eating.
She doesn't even want to drink the Ensure. I guess this in part too, is the fact that mother especially while her sister was still alive was eating lots of take-out kind of food. Then, also living there at mom's is my sister's youngest daughter.
She is soooo overweight, I'm afraid a very unhealthy weight. She eats whatever the heck she wants, then my sister I'm sure is cooking other things, so there you have it, the temptation, also.
My sister did put it to me about mother's not wanting to eat as total lack of cooperation, and saying that mother is beginning to act like our aunt. Even if mom isn't cooperating, I doubt she is like my aunt. So I guess my sister had to get rather tough with mom, and told her that she needed to cooperate, that she needs to eat, or else she will become too frail. I'm thinking.....it could be the ALZ, also, maybe next level. But you see.....my sister never figures this factor into it.
Hopefully your husband will start to educate himself about his diet.
I am so happy that you have been able to spend time with your son, and that it has been good.
Take care,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
The vividness of colors here they say are attributed to the amount of rain, temps, etc. Some years are much more spectacular than others.
When you parents give you their POA and they have been diagnosed with dementia and it has become bad enough that they truly cannot make good judgement calls then you just have to step in and take over and this is hard because now you are going against your parents wishes. You have to remember though, that they are no longer competent and you HAVE to make the decisions for them and they are going to have to live with what you have deemed to be in their best interest. Dealing with an abrasive demanding father can be overwhelming and I am glad I did not have to deal with that, but if your father is not of sound mind, you may have to tell him that he is NOT going to fire the people you have hired, he is going to have to live with it. Have you had a talk with his doctor and is he not of sound mind? It can get to be the crazy leading the crazy if he and your mother are both in the same situation.
Your father may honestly have to be put on medication to control him or you are going to wind up in the hospital with a nervous breakdown. My Mom is turning 85 and weighs less than 100 pounds and can get to me so bad that I am literally shaking and have to remove myself from the room. I feel for you and your situation, it is not easy.
Hi Margeaux...Yes, both therapist and doc (for over 10 years now) keeps advising me to exercise at least 30 mins. a day....
Cmag, thanks for the updates...hope all goes well today at the funeral and visitation.
One not only has to be careful of soy, which I think doctor's many times just focus on this, on account of the water retention. Don't kid yourself, all that fast food is just as bad, and loaded with salts, plus artery clogging ingredients.
I realize the convenience of not having to cook, if one elects to go to any restaurant. However, we trade convenience for we knowing what's gone into the food, too.
Another component in all the disease you've mentioned aside from diet, is a real lack of exercise. Anyway, it's really about educating oneself, about the different approaches to take.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I just had my surgery with a longer recovery than I thought...
my son is trying to lift my spirits, brought me a few dinners and having me look forward to apple picking, ooh.... only if I do not have to walk far.
Hugs, love and prayers for all.