The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Sharyn, I always get these ideas or solutions to answers when I think of a problem before going to bed (more like worrying all over it), and then wake up in the morning with an answer. When I got up, the thought popped into my head. My mom started showing Dementia in her early 50's. From vague memories, mom was quiet, introverted and rarely angry. However, if you make her angry, the thick leather belt comes out - and EVERYONE gets spanked (not just the naughty child) with minimum of 5 whippings. We all line up and wait our turn.

So, I remember being in college when I happened to come home, and mom was screaming uncontrollably over my 2 niece/nephew in the shower. Clothes that she would never ever buy (long nighties) in all sizes were popping up. Trigger happy tempers, etc....I remembered telling siblings that something was wrong with mom. That was in 1986. Mom was about 52 years old at that time.

I'm age 47. Oldest sis is 8 years older than me She's age 55. The thought that popped into my head this morning is that sis might be starting on the Dementia road. She was talking, pausing, talking, pausing early this morning. Laughing and singing aloud. Then back to talking.

Another thought that popped into my head this morning...my nephew who sees them ....I told this story a while back in the YOU thread. Background story: When father had a stroke 2 years ago, the first thing I did was go outside and uprooted all these plants that gave me the heevies jeevies. I told nephew about this compulsion to go out and cut the vines creeping to the house. Nephew told me that the outside spirits want to come into the house. The inside spirits are fighting back via thru me...hence the creeped out feelings I get when I go outside. I told him that the scary room is no longer scary since father had his stroke. He said that the house spirits now view me as the head of the household. The thought that popped up in my head this morning was that when I left off-island, the spirits became naughty and active. You see, I have ALWAYS been afraid of them - even as a child...See No Evil, Hear No Evil attitude. No matter what they did to show they were there, me and my 3 younger siblings would look at each other and Pretend Not to Notice. So, with my natural instinct to pretend they're not there, I lef t the house wide open. Sis has always believed in them and interacted - to her detriment. As a child, My Instinct was to Pretend they're not there. I still have that instinct. So, now ... it is in my sister's room. Ugh!!

Imagine mixing spirits with dementia.....Sigh....gotta go...change father's pampers...

Following the old adage of taking a deep breath and counting to ten is a good tool to use. Remember, the goal of your interaction with family members is the well being of your mutual parent, step parent or loved one. Try not to engage in any old wars; it's not about them or you, it's about providing the best care possible.

Book~I hope you can work out the expenses to get someone to come in to help. What ever you do, don't quit your job!! Maybe your bro next door can help out, just a suggestion. I must be scary for you that your sister is affected this way. I know you are very resourceful in checking out programs,etc in your area. Let us know what happens, I will be thinking about you!!

We all were worried when oldest sis insisted in moving back home in January. The last time she moved in here, she stayed in the boys' room- the scary room. She started laughing in there. Then her normal personality became blank. You look into her eyes - and it was blank. You spoke to her - and it was as if no one is in there. It got to the point that sis was becoming like mom. Father had to call her daughter to come and take her mom home.

This time, she chose the parent's room - which I call the Dead Air room. I walk in, and it feels so still, not normal, dead air. Sometimes, i walk in, and I get the sensation that I'm not welcomed inside. Tonight is the first time I hear her laughing so loud and joyfully. Joyfully singing a loud - in the dark. I panicked and texted my siblings. It's starting again. She will laugh, and be happy. Then eventually she will withdraw from us - the real world. The only way for her to get back to normal would be to leave here. If she leaves here, i will have no-one to take care of father. I need to sit down, and calculate the house bills and see if we can use father's money to pay for a sitter from Mon-Fridays. This is bad...for everyone. She has always been the most sensitive one in the family.

Older sis in the state (the one I spent time in Hawaii) gets visited by our relatives when they die. Oldest sis can communicate with them. I can sense them (most times I pretend I don't feel anything.) Fave sis seems to get "tricked" by them. Nephew sees them in the mirrors...

sharynmarie, I did just that right before Christmas and lasted 3-5 months. She called and I didn't answer, listening to messages ranging from "please don't abandon me" to how much she blames me for bringing her here. Oddly enough the mgmt at the facility said that while I was absent for 3 months or so, she was actually better to the staff and other residents. She does not keep friends, as in a short time she finds faults with them, or says something so insulting that they avoid her. After 5 yrs, she's got a reputation with other longtermers, and it doesn't take long for new people to see through her "front".
Lately she's been slipping (Freudianly?) and telling me I'm a bad mother, and apparently she referred to me that way to my daughter also. This is not in reference to mothering my kids, but to her. Something's going on and I feel that inside she feels like I should be taking care of her like a mother. Her own mother was never affectionate or close with her. Mom was her 13th child, and as I imagine, certainly not wanted. It helps to know the history, which contributed to the type of cold, critical mother she was. As an adult I get it, as a child, of course, I thought it was me. Getting better at not taking her insults and putdowns personally, but I still slip and get very upset at times.
She got sick and told me it was an "emergency" and would I take her to the doctor, which got me back in her presence after several blissful months away, and acted civil for a while, but now her behavior is as it was before.
She called to say she "had it out" with the manager yesterday and that she wasn't taking her s--t any more, and they were throwing her out. First time it happened I reacted, but this time, I will wait and see if they actually call me. The last time I was called by them, they indicated that they might ask her to leave, but didn't. She's private pay in a large apartment, and it IS a business, so we'll see.
My profession was as a Nursing Home Administrator, but when it comes to a relative, it's so different. Difficult to be as detached, of course, and I'm the target not the intermediary. As her doctor told me, you are in a no win situation. If you had left her in her home state, you'd have been "wrong" for leaving her alone, and by bringing her here you are "wrong" for making her leave her home. He's right, of course.
Can't tell you how helpful it has been to read some of the posts here. I have good friends, but most of them had kind, loving mothers, and just can't relate.

getnstrong,welcome to this site your daughter sent you to a good place. This is not the first time this book has been mentioned, I think many have read it. But I may have to track it down.

Getnstrong~I took the liberty of reading your profile and you said your mother is in assisted living. It is good you are not living with her. You are right, she will never change.My mother is in a memory care unit and just as you described your mother. I have found that as long as I visit my mother out in the dining area around others, she does not make scenes. Limit your time with her, and tell her if she becomes abusive you will not come to see her for a certain amount of time, then do it. After that time is up, call her first, if she becomes combative, then tell her again you will not visit and end the conversation. If you have caller ID, do not answer her calls. Set strong boundaries with her and stick with them. If something comes up with her, the ALF will call you, so don't worry about her. How does she get along with other residents, does she socialize or stay in her apartment all the time? I hope this helps you and I hope you come back, share some more with us. Welcome to the site!!

My daughter just found this site and referred me to it. I moved my mother to FL when she was 87, losing her vision, and alone in another state. After years of only visiting a couple times a year, I forgot how difficult it was to be around her, even when she was in her own home, and had everything.
Five years later she is much worse off and so am I. Been through deep depression, and counselling and just when I get a better handle on it, she acts out. I am getting better at not letting her drag me down, but sure welcome communicating with others who understand. My mother has struggled with mental illness/personality disorders all her life, but I would say her main dysfunction is also narcissism. She doesn't care who she hurts, is never wrong, and doesn't care at all about anyone but herself. I just read a wonderful book "Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" by Karyl McBride, Ph.D. I highly recommend it to anyone dealing with this situation.
At 71, I feel I should be enjoying my retirement while I still have good health, and instead, my world is filled with this negative, hateful, verbally abusive woman. I blame myself for delusionally thinking that maybe as two older single women, we could be friends before one of us dies. Now I realize that she will never change, and grieving the fact that we will never have a loving mother-daughter relationship.

I am so happy to have been led to this site.

Joan~Thank you for all the info you put on fb. I will be reading it. So far it sounds pretty sensible.
Margeaux~Thank you, I am very happy with hubby's recovery. Yes the dr. was a riot!!

We spent the morning getting everything set up for speech therapy out of Tracy, starts on Thursday.

I visited with mom, 2 other residents joined us because they both love dogs. It was a nice visit...one lady is in a wheelchair, 100 yrs. old with memory impairment and hard of hearing. The other lady is mom's next door resident, Theresa, she is also memory impaired. Midget gave back as love as she got from these 2 ladies, plus mom loving her up. Gotta get to work, have a good day!!

Sharynmarie,

This doctor is a riot! That's very good he used humor to drive the point to your husband. So your husband can return to work? That's good news.


You did make me very hungry posting what you had eaten and what you were cooking. Emjo gave you terrific advice about the diet. There's lots of information you can search about high glycemic foods. There is something to this, since certain foods spike the blood sugar, which in turn isn't good for diabetes.

My condolences on the passing of your mom's sister.
We didn't tell mother about the passing of one of our aunt's.
Mom hadn't seen her in a long time either, and we figured that we didn't want to further confuse her.

O.K., Sharynmarie, I can't tell you how happy about the progress your husband is making. He's in good hands. Hope you are feeling better also from the fall you took.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Emjo,

It is so good to hear from you. I am happy to hear that your sinus infection is clearing up. I'm taking care of mine as best that I can. I became so stuffed up last week, that I have a cough. The temperatures have been getting very changeable, and I'm sure there hasn't been enough humidity in the air. I think I'm going to try your recipe with the peroxide you posted. It does drain the energy, doesn't it? I'm also finding that I'm having to be oh so careful about what I eat.

It does sound as if your sister is trying to draw you into to something rather questionable. You are so right that dysfunctional people delight in this. I also have to remind myself about how impulsive my sister can be at times. Sometime in the past she used to give me a few days warning if she needs me to watch mother. I can make allowances, if I'm available like when a caregiver is sick.
But recently it's been done all at the last minute. So I guess I'm going to have to implement a new rule for myself. Isn't it strange how we almost have to end up spending so much energy just trying to dodge some of the dysfunction?

I hope the geriatric team is able to evaluate your mom.
Maybe you can finally find out also where this claim about her liver came from, too.

Good to hear that you and G are well.
Take care, hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

I agree...I am not going to tell her.

((((((hugs)))) tough situation - do what you feel is best. You have so much going on again!

Yes Joan, my mom does ask about her. Her neighbor resident is named Theresa as her sister. Sometimes she thinks I or my sister is aunt Theresa. I no longer remind her that Theresa is in a nh due to Alzheimer's. The pain on her face was enough. For me not to remind her of it again.

To me it makes sense to not tell your mum. As you say she will ask over and over again. I have seen this issue discussed on AC before and how a person with Alz relives it again and again which seems unkind. On a feeding tube unresponsive for so many years - oh dear. Has your mum asked about her or has she in recent years? So much going on sharyn.

Darn kindle...only living sibling passed away.

Thank you Joan! I will print it out.

I received a call from from my cousins husband. My cousin suffered a bad stroke a year ago so my communication with her is limited. My mothers o ly living sinking passed away today. She has been in a nh in PA for over 10 years and the last 8 years she has been on a feeding tube unresponsive. I never met my aunt, and I don't think I will tell my mother. It will upset her and she will ask over and over. I don't mind answering her questions but is it worth having her greive over and over again?

several things about the med diet - lots of fruits and veggies, and also beans and lentils. I think red meat a few times a week is not bad, and use chicken and sea food the rest of the time. We have such a meat based diet in north American culture. In general the less processed food the better, grain should be whole grains - whole wheat, brown rice etc. The "white" things should be avoided - white bread, white flour, sugar, Sweet potatoes and yams are better for blood sugar than regular potatoes..Oats and barley are good. I make my own ice cream with coconut milk, fruit or chocolate and stevia for sweetening. One of the most important things for cardiovascular health is to keep the blood sugar down where it should be. Protein snacks are better than complex carbs for that, (despite what the dieticians say). Looking at the glycemic index of foods is good too. I will post a glycemic index image for you on fb. I have it up on my frig and find it is it a useful guideline. Good luck!

Joan~thank you...I will check out the Mediterranean diet.I just don't want our diet to be the same old thing all time. I am glad you are feeling better...it has been a long haul for you!!
Take care of yourself and everyone else too!!

Take care of that infection Margeaux - you don't want it going on as long as mine has. You made the right decision not to get sucked in by your sis.

Thank Sharynmarie and Sad1daughter,

Yes, I know there's definitely an issue going on with her daughter and being a new mom, etc. But here you have a couple as I'm sure many that both work, although at the moment this niece took extra time on top of the maternity leave allowed her for the second baby. Like I said, she does have extra help during the week. So this is why I'm suspicious at the level, of my sister wants to be overly involved, then she also has a full time job. All I can say is, she may want to watch those days she's taking off her own job. Being how many people are dismissed at the drop of a hat nowadays since everyone is looking for work, I wouldn't do that. My sister does make these spur of the moment decisions also.
This was exactly the issue I posted about on a relief caregiving visit I did end of the summer, and it had to do with the babysitting issue. I mean I can be drawn into care for mom, every now and again, but I don't want to be drawn into this.
My sister I think fluffs something like the fact that I was sick off, too. She told me a month ago, that she'd had a root canal, then took her painkillers and went to a concert that evening with her boyfriend. I thought, WOW....you're nuts! But this is the way she operates, the control freak!

I'm really glad I stayed home, because when the day was all said an done,
I just wasn't ready to go to mom's. My sister knows how to push guilt buttons too.
But if she wants to do that.....call my brothers! I'm sure she didn't bother either.

Thanks for the well wishes,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

sharyn - you posted when I was writing - The doctor was funny! Your recipes sound good. In general, the Mediterranean diet is a good one. I hardly ever salt anything. Lots of veggies are good - and as you are using - herbs and spices, lemon/lime juice. Would be good for your hubby to lose a few pounds. G is 6'2", about 175 - 180 lbs (highest 185) and a light to medium build and he watches what he eats pretty well. I have decided to decrease the amount of red meat and increase fish and chicken and veggies. as per the Mediterranean diet. There are diabetes and cardiovasc problems in his family, though he doesn't have either at present, but his blood fats and blood sugars have been creeping up even though he does eat pretty sensibly and does keep physically active with the horses. I have had to work on mine too. He likes sweets and especially when he is travelling, I think he indulges a bit more than is good, and of course they have donuts etc at work sometimes. Here at home he will have one serving of dessert and when I bake I make healthy stuff. Once when we were away last summer, he had a bacon maple syrup sundae, that was huge! Don't even want to think of the sugar and fat and calories in that! He enjoyed every mouthful!

Hi everyone and thanks for asking for me.

Welcome to the newbies, and don't be afraid to post, vent, ask questions etc.

I am not going to try to catch up, I am so far behind. I am finally getting over the sinus infection I have had since early August and about time. It has really tired me out. I am using the meds the specialist had compounded for me - expensive, but it is working, so worth it and I will get her to send in a few repeats to keep it on hand as I have to order it through a pharmacy in mother's city and it takes a few days to get here. We don't have a compounding pharmacy in town.
sharyn -so glad your hubby is home and doing so well. Enjoy having your son home for a while.
Margeaux - don't feel guilty about looking after yourself - the dysfun. people in our families delight in that. I have to be careful not to take on too much either. I am dealing with that now too, and others in the family only see their own agendas and don't seem to care if it negatively affects you.
Same for you brandy - do what is good for you. Your sis won't change, so do what you can by yourself. Calling and writing sounds good to me and what I have to rely on often. I find a trip is hard on me too and probably will not be driving it again, which leaves the bus (long) or a plane (expensive).
Karen - you are doing well setting limits with your mum. It is the only thing to do. She is quite impossible with you. That trip to the dentist was past a point.
glad - hope things are going along ok even with clueless sibs
book - so glad you got a break but sorry you got sick on the way home. At least now you have gotten away. Hope you manage a bit more therapy -I think it is helping you. and another vacation.
cmag - how is your mum?
austin - good input as always
I know I haven't mentioned everyone - not intentional - keep posting and let us know how you are - jody good to see you back here and making progress, rosebud ...and others
There have bee a few new developments. My sis wants to come over in November and have me come down to mother's city at the same time so we can "visit" people and visit mother.. I asked her which people and she was vague but mentioned the staff at the Churchill. She was been visiting her boyfriend, and I think (based on past experience) that the two of them are trying to cook up something which will only be trouble for me. G agrees. I had planned on visiting mother in October, as long as I am over this infection, then G and I go on a business trip then a few days vacay in November. I really do not want to see my mother and my sister together. One of them at a time is bad enough, but both are stressful. The old games get played. There is no reason my sis cannot see these people on her own. Travel once in October is enough, as well as once in November. We will likely go south in December and I may visit then -depends.
I called mother's case worker (Nadinne)and got an update. The mental health team has not visited her, so N called them and they agreed it has been too long and have moved mother to the top of the list. I told her that mother is depressed. She said that she visited mother a month ago and reviewed her meds and that the Risperdal is nearly gone so she must be taking it. That would account for the absence of paranoia, but I think it is depressing mother. She did say before when she took it she got sad. So I think she needs a meds review by a doctor or a psychiatrist. Nadinne will call me back when she knows more about the mental health team visit. I hope she will tell them that I thought mother was depressed. N also told me that mother decided to not go to the geriatric clinic but to return to the doc she fired in the summer. I suspect that is who told her that her liver is failing and that she has not long to live. So I need to call that clinic and see what I can find out. I know she can manage on less than a full liver for quite a while, as she is healthy otherwise. I wonder if another antipsychotic would be less depressing for her. The doc in the hospital prescribed the Risperdal, but of course they do no follow up. The mental health team is supposed to do that. Follow up is so important when prescribing this type of drug. I find it frustrating. Of course, part of it is mother jumping around from here to there saying she won't take her drug, saying she won't go to Dr. M then changing her mind about both of them. Getting information out of her is difficult as either she forgets, legitimately, or gets distracted onto something else, or just plain doesn't want to tell me.
Raining here, good for the grass. I am not entirely out of the woods yet with the infection, but definitely doing better. Most leaves have turned yellow, then one good wind and they will be gone. They don't last long here. I am not looking forward to winter!!!!! Love and hugs to everyone - Joan

Margeaux~I agree with Sad1...you have no reason to feel guilty. Getting your mother sick and then everyone else in the house would only make you feel worse. You have to take care of yourself first. You did the right thing. Your sister needs to learn to not call you last minute when she has already been dealing with an issue and I agree, she is too involved in her daughter's life. Her daughter will have to learn she is the mother and she will be exhausted at times, hubby can help...they have to be trained sometimes when it comes to caring for their sick children...I know my hubby did. He learned the hard way about it when our son was sick running a high fever. I called him from work telling him I made an appointment for him to take our son to the dr., (the babysitter had just called me about it right before hubby got home). Hubby didn't want to do it, said our son was fine. Then he called me at work saying his fever was 104, what do I do!! I said take him to the dr.!! Because hubby cancelled the appt., we ended up having to take him to a clinic we had here then for after hours (to avoid the ER). Our son had bronchitist, tonsilitist, and an ear infection. I told hubby after that, you need to respect my instincts and if you want me to work...then you better step up!!! I need you to help me and support me, he did!! Anyway....don't feel guilty, you did right!! I hope you feel better soon!!

Sad1~I am glad to you are going to see your therapist. I am sure she will help you with with how to handle your mom during these appts. and driving her there. I am still happy with the way you handled it but I also know it is not a long term fix in regards to how it made you feel and wanting to relieve the stress some way. Take care of yourself and have a good week.

We went to our dr. this morning...they were waiting for our call since they had all the info faxed to them from San Ramon. Dr. "P" said as long as hubby feels good he can go to work, he goes back Wednesday. Can't get in to the neurologist until Dec., the same neurologist we took my mom to.Hubby told the dr. he was going to drive himself to the hospital, Dr. "P", sitting in a chair, looked at him....he put his arms out like he was driving, swaying all over the hwy. from lane to lane, making fun of my husband because he couldn't talk, he mimicked my husband trying to talk and because "s" words and "th" words are still hard for him...he told hubby and through all this, you can't even say "Shit!!" We were laughing so hard, I had tears running down my face!! He wouldn't let hubby leave without getting a flu and pneumonia shot (me too). Hubby was grumbling about the shot saying I haven't had a shot since i was in the army 40 years ago, it better not get me sick, I never get sick, LOL!! We are going to see about speech therapy out of Tracy, hubby can stop on his way home instead of going into Stockton or Modesto. If not Tracy, then Livermore. The hardest part about this will be getting hubby to reduce sodium (he salts everything before he tastes it), and the portion control for the diabetes and weight loss. He is 6', medium frame and weighs...263lb. I am so happy he is eating and swallowing ok because I told the stroke coordinator in San Ramon, I don't think I could do the heimlich on him. Our son will be here on Saturday...can't wait to see him again and will appreciate his support. Our daughter was weepy on and off over the last few days (daddy's girl), she has a lot of guilt because she has no time left this year to come out. I told her, it is a serious thing but not a Major event...a wake up call yes!! Any suggestions of spices, herbs as salt substitutes would be appreciated. We had salmon yesterday with lemon juice, some salt on both sides and lots of pepper. I diced up zucchini, mushrooms, onions, celery, tomatoes and garlic with some salt and basil...sauteed it in healthy oil with just a bit of healthy margarine for some added favor. Tonight we are having pork tenderloin with celery seed and fennel seed, garlic and green beans. I hope I am making you all hungry so you will share some ideas with me, LOL!!
Take care of yourselves everyone!!

Margeaux - don't feel guilty because you are sick! You have gone through so much with your husband and everything else. Your sister can certainly call someone else. she calls you as she knows you will do it - and it is easier for her. I would call someone I know for sure would do it rather than have to make 3-4 calls! Glad your husband said something and that you cancelled. You shouldn't be around anyone when you are not well anyway - right? so - glad you stayed home and took care of yourself!.

Emjo - I have been wondering where you were also....are you ok?

I came home Saturday from my mom's house - after that hellish day Tuesday - and then was planning on going back on Wed and said to myself - WHY?? So for once - I listened to my inner voice and didn't go. My mom called the house 3 times and I didn't answer. The first one -was just garbled and that she needed to go back to the dentist. I called the AL - she was fine. 2nd call - she had received my letter - but she still wanted me to take her to the dentist, she didn't feel well and she knows I hate her...guilt at it's best. 3rd call was the following day - I forgot to bring her "things" ie snack food and clothes she ordered. I didn't go back or answer the phone. I called again the AL place told them I had a work emergency and went home and was checking on her. She was blowing kisses to everyone - and was just fine. I guess Joan Crawford would have some competition if she was alive! H

I have my 2nd counseling appointment on Wed - can't wait to see her face when I tell her how my drive to the dentist went! Again - sounds so much worse outloud!

Happy Monday all!

Well I received a call from my sister yesterday morning.
She asked whether I could go to relieve her yesterday, as she wanted to go to her daughters house. This is her eldest daughter who has two babies now.
Apparently her little boy spiked a fever last Wed., so high it cause a seizure, so he ended up at ER. He's o.k., sent him home, but must still be having a fever. The doctor told his mom to watch that it the temp doesn't go out of range.

Anyway, as you all know I went down really bad w/the sinus thing, and I felt as if I had a flu also. Of course my sister didn't know anything about this, until I told her yesterday. But right on the back of my telling her this, she asks whether I could go stay w/mom, while she went to her daughters to help out w/the two babies, because her daughter is exhausted.

Of course, at first I just said yes, I would go, w/tons of hesitation, since I'm still not quite totally well. If they're having flu issues over there already w/this sick baby,
I wouldn't want to be the one, now bringing some other bug, besides there is my mom there also, to contend with. But what does my sister say when I informed her of all of this, "Oh, it's o.k." So in other words, she was pressuring me to say yes.

She also informed me that this happened last Wed, they taking the baby to the ER.
When I told her I would go, she thanked me, and then said, she was really appreciative, since she'd already taken 2 days off of her work, to help her daughter. Now what I'm not understanding is......o.k., your already took time off,
now she wants to return on a Sun evening. Her other daughter, (the problem one),
who lives at mother's I know helps out babysitting throughout the week for her older sister. Then, there's a caregiver, who it appears doubles up on duties also helping my niece w/her two kids, and then mother.

Anyway, I discovered that as I was trying to rush around and get myself prepared for the drive to mom's, I realized that I really wasn't up to it just yet.
Believe me, under any and all other circumstances I'd go. So when I told my husband I was going, he looked at me, and said, "why are you going down there sick." Now I felt, "Oh no." I've already said, "yes," to my sister. I must admit, I mulled it over and over, and really felt bad in a sense that I shouldn't go.
Then I had to ask my self, well, it's kind of weird that my sister to, says all of this happened on Wed. Now she decides she's going to go help her daughter, and she's telling me about it all on Sun., morning and expects me to be there Sun. evening

Well, I decided to call and cancel. I could hear that by the sound of my sister's voice on the other end, she just said, "all right," in a very matter of fact way.
I hate to admit this....but I was feeling guilty too. Part of it, because I haven't been down there the last month w/my husbands surgery and convalescence, then I got sick. I really try to always accommodate my sisters requests whenever she needs any and all relief of caregiving.

So, I was just wondering later......well then there's always my brothers to call.
But do any of you think she'd call one of them, on the fly as she did me....to allow her to be able to go there w/the daughter? Sometimes I get the feeling too,
my sister is being a bit overly involved over there at her daughters w/these new babies, because it's not like my niece lacks for help, as I mentioned above.
Besides, she does have a husband.

Anyway, I'm glad that I stayed home, because I just wasn't ready to do this yet.

Margeaux

Brandywine,

This is a lot what you have done.
One can only do what one can do, and your particular situation, that you are taking care of your husband, it's really probably best if you write, or if you can call your mom. You have your own health to contend with also.
Please don't ever place yourself in danger, if you're talking about narrow roads,
and that they'll be slippery.

I'll keep you in my thoughts Brandywine, as I realize you're taking big steps by posting more here.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Oh Emjo,

I was a grammatical mess, on that first sentence of my last post!
Some of this is my sinuses!
HAAH!

Margeaux