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Emjo,

How is you doing? You have been MIA, lately.

Were you ever able to find out more about the situation with your mom,
and she making those claims about her liver?

You notice how any one who is especially manifests their dysfunction via anger....
will usually start escalating a health issue. Our aunt managed to do this each and every time she had a doctor's appointment. My sister, the POA, did not have MPOA, for our aunt, so was at a complete loss as to what exactly was really going on w/her health; my sister never went to an actual doctor's visit w/her. So here she was the one living at mom's, with our aunt....but never really got a handle, as to say whether my aunt's complaints were real/imagined. I've realized from other posters here, how delicate a situation becomes when they don't have MPOA of a patient they're in charge of.

Well anyway....I hope in your case you were able to get to the real bottom of that.
I think I'd posted right after you wrote about it, but the post was lost.

How are your sinuses doing now?
Mine are giving me a run for my money. It's like the very day fall started.....so did my sinuses.

Take care, hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Brandy if your sister will not take you along when she goes to see Momi would just not go at all-just phone her from time to time and if she needs help let sis do it -she is being very selfish and will be held accountable one day for her actions and God does not take lame excuses-you have more than enough to deal with-with your health and the hubby's. Us women will teach you how to become a KAW-I was a doormat most of my life until Dr. Phil came on TV that was the year I started becoming the bitch my husband accused me of being-before he died he found out I had a backbone.
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Yay Sharyn!. So glad he is home and sounds like he is getting better every day!
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@seemeride -- I am the 6th of 7 children (6 of whom are living) and my mother lives with me and me and my little sister are the only ones taking any interest in caring for our 80 y/o mother with dementia, so I feel your pain.

3 of my siblings have nothing to do with my mom. My 2nd oldest sister only seems to take an interest in what's going with mom when she thinks she can come in and tell my little sister and me what to do or if it will benefit her financially. But when it comes to actually helping out with mom's care, for get about it.

I totally understand your frustration. Unless you're going through it, nobody really knows what it's like to be the one the burden falls on when you have other siblings, especially when its affecting your personal family life.
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Thanks everyone for the helpful advice. I am out here in the wilderness/frontier of the USA. We don't have busses or public transportation. I think I will just call Mom and write to her. Sister lives in the same town that I do.
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Hi Debbie, Welcome to AC. Feel free to join in whenever you feel like it.

Brandy, you can only be the one to figure out your transportation to visit mom. We don’t know enough of your geographic area to recommend anything. I would suggest a bus but I don’t know if they will be working on Thanksgiving and may be too busy before/after TG. Cab would be way too expensive. Sis will not help you. I’m sorry. My brain just goes blank trying to come up with something.
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Ian sorry brandy. How close is the nh to.your sister? Can you possibly take a bus instead of driving yourself? It must be very painful for you taking care of your husband and having to leave him when you visit your mother. You are ding the best you can and hugs to you for all you do.
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And I might add, husband has dementia as well but not as bad as Mom. Sister won't let me go with her to the NH. She is young, healthy, and wealthy.
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And I might add there are 3 perfectly good nursing homes in this area and several ALF here too.
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A great day...Hubby slept in (can't sleep well in a hospital), I woke up at 6am...couldn't go back to sleep so I fed the cat and dog and laid on the couch dozing. Hubby finally got up around 9:30. Just relaxed today catching up on a few things here.
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Well I broke down and went to see Mom. It's still 150 miles away. The roads are narrow, I have to travel through 2 mountain passes, the roads are bad, and the traffic is horrendous, the other drivers are driving at breakneck speed. So I got there. She was cranky as usual. Her clothes were dirty, her bathroom was dirty. She wouldn't eat much. The nurses wouldn't discuss her condition with me. When I got ready to leave she was bound and determined to leave with me, but I finally convinced her to stay put. Got home safely but now I am completely exhausted as I am disabled and in pain. I'm old too. This will take me at least a month to recover from. So now gotta to to bed. The next time I plan to go there is Thanksgiving if the roads are not slick. Any suggestions for me?
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Sharynmarie,

I'm very happy to hear that your husband is home now.
This is a good thing also, that your son is coming.
Possibly your son can help you encourage your husband to do things that are going to be beneficial towards his healing.

I'll keep you and yours in my thoughts.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Debbie, welcome to this awesome place! Whatever situation you're dealing with, plenty of people will be able to relate and give great advice and support. :)
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hi. new to this sight. so far its been a big help.
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Book! I hope you're feeling better very soon! I hope you find time to get some more rest. You might have to go to the doc yourself if your symptoms don't clear up. Take care of YOU.
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Sharyn, glad the hubs is doing well! I hope he will continue to get better and will be back to his normal self in no time! I'm glad your son will be there for you, I'm sure it will be a great comfort. *hugs*
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Sharyn, so grateful hubby is better and home... and son will be there to help.... and we will remind you to take care of YOU !!!! love ya.....
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I just got back from about 6 days of vacation in Hawaii with older sis from Colorado. We did some touristy stuff like the museum, zoo and block party on the first couple of days. After we got that out of the way, we just did a bit of shopping within the area, eating (mostly at MacD) and resting a lot. Well, sis did more walking by herself. Once we got back to the hotel, I just wanted to rest. I didn't want to make this vacation a hectic one. It was a vacation to Rest. And I did get it. Except I came home with a queasy stomach, headache, sinus, etc... All well, I had fun distributing the things I bought for sis, her daughter and grands. They loved what I got. Whew!!! They always told me that I have an old-fashion taste. To buy for them, buy the opposite of what I like. =)
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Hi Sharyn, that's great news! Father had the slurred speech. It took months for him to finally talk clearly. But he didn't have any speech therapy. I think with hubby going to speech therapy will quicken his recovery. As for hubby not taking his swallowing seriously....well...father and brothers all seem to believe their invincible. Or that they know what they can do and not someone else. Hopefully hubby doesn't learn the hard way that he needs to be careful with his meals.

Rosebud, is there a way to speak to someone in that facility where mom is currently at and ask for advice? Explain the POA situation and mom having assets to help pay for her cost. I don't know if you going to elder lawyer will help or not. Maybe the facility can give you a referral on whom to call? Unfortunately, your situation is Not Uncommon according to what I read on this site. Please keep us updated on the home front.
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Hi everyone!!

Hubby came home today!! He is doing great. Still some slurring but better than yesterday. He is still on a soft, moist diet. They gave him a TPA injection which breaks up the clots...which were on both sides of his brain...very small but they affected the speech center. He will follow up with our dr. here, a neurologist and a speech therapist. Still don't know when he can return to work (a minor detail) but the dr. said he can be completely independent...just soft foods and a better over all diet. I hope everyone is doing well and sending hugs to all!!
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Jody, I feel so sorry for you in that your family still wants you to be mom's slave at THEIR convenience. You gave up your job and house to caregive your mom for 2 1/2 years. You had asked repeatedly to your siblings that you needed a break and all hell broke loose. I think I understand where you're at. since you gave up your home and have no outside income, your family have you by the tail. They Don't want you to find a job because that means you gain independence and may eventually move out of mom's home (?). As long as you have no job, you will always be at their mercy.

Is there any way to apply for Temporary housing in which you can move into and also to find a job? I worry that your siblings will never ever want you to find a job and independence.

May I also remind you that you have spent about 2 years caring for your mom by yourself? Why should bro now want you to help out when he never helped you when you needed him most? Know this, you have put 2 full time years caring for your mom. It's time that bro does HIS turn - without your help. He's still the same - selfish. And truthfully, your siblings don't care about Your life or lack of having one.

The same has happened to me. My 7 siblings didn't care or do anything so that I can have weekend offs or to find a man so that I can marry and have children. Yet, they all did these. They just figured it's my Duty to care for the parents to the end of their lives or mine. Even when I told them that the therapist and my medical doctor were worried about my dying due to stress overload. Nothing.

You have this opportunity to Do something. Most of us do not have siblings who take in the parent. So for us to find true meaning in our lives is...not really there. While your brother has mom, this is the best time to Start doing something. Because, your bro may change his mind after several weeks of mom and her interference or too much work caring for her. He might send her back home to you. And then you will truly be stuck again. Back to square one. So, while mom is with bro, this is the best time to move and do something with your life. You can start off as part-time and set up a SCHEDULE of when you will be there for mom. Don't deviate from that schedule. She needs a doc's appointment, set it around your work schedule. Remember with work, they do not like it when you keep constantly changing the set schedule for work. You become "unreliable." I've done that for years with mom. I always did my best to schedule all her appointments on the afternoon I happen to be off (every other Wednesday.)

Yeah, it hurts when they say things about us that's not true. How do you think I felt when father was recently in the hospital. He verbally gave the upper land to oldest bro (whom father dislikes) and the house/land to oldest sis (whom he accuses acts like an outsider) ...and I got nothing. My oldest bro looked at me and laughed quietly. Pissed me off.
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Well its been a while since I've been on here. So much has happen. First my mother had what they call multiple farct dementia strokes. She had 4-5 days of them, they are taking away her memory. She decided to move in with my brother, thinking I cant lift her, even though I've done this kind of work since I was sixteen. She said she would pay rent until she died if I was to stay here. Well I thought It would be a good time to get a job, Well remember when I couldn't get any time off? Now this morning my brother comes over and says mom wants to put in her 30 day notice, because I wasn't doing what I was suppose to do, what ever that was. So I found out what that was, my brother wants me to watch my mom any time he wants me to. That leaves no job for me . So I said what do you want me to do? can you give me a couple of months, no 30 days is 30 days. So now im hook into this. It hurts me so bad that my family doesn't care after me giving up my job and house to come take care of mom. She says she doesn't even remember me taking care of her. Im sooooooooooooooo hurt.
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Sharyn - I am also glad your son is coming - just for support and it will be good for your husband to see him also! Enjoy the family time together!
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Sorry, upset tummy since yesterday n nausea. Headaches n neck arthritis and stuffed face. Came home miserable. Just checking in before going to bed.

I agree. Allow your son to help. You keep turning them down, they stop asking
Will write tomorrow
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Thank you Zoolife...I didn't think of it like that. I love my son, wouldn't want to take that away from him.
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Sharynmarie, is good he want's to help, allow him that honor, he's a good son, love's cares for you all, let him, you deserve it! God Bless!
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My son just texted me...he applied for leave from work and is coming up in a week. He won't take no for answer...I don't know how long hubby will be out of work. My son insists on coming to help because he said I have too much on my plate with taking care of mom and now hubby. I don't think it is necessary that he comes but he insists. I love him...now I am a mess again.
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I went back over the hill this morning to see my hubby. It is about a 1 hour 15 min. drive from here.He is doing much better, still some slurring but not like yesterday. They tried regular food with him but he chocked so back to soft foods. It will take him some time to learn to chew slow, small bites and to swallow before putting more food in his mouth. He will have to have speech therapy for a while, he is out of ICU.

I am a little scared bringing him home. He is set in his ways and he may be difficult with me about the soft foods. I am worried that when I work and he is alone, he may not be careful. It is hard to change how you do something when you don't feel there is anything wrong with yourself. The nurse called me this afternoon about hubby chocking. She feels he is not taking it very seriously so she wanted to alert me to make sure he eats slow. I have to watch for any changes in his attention, difficultly with word recall...she said it is not showing up with him now but because he is normally a quiet person, they may not be seeing it. I am off until Tuesday. Gotta go, will catch up more in a couple days. Hang in there everyone dealing with the issues you have going on!!
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Sad1daughter,

This happens in our family also. Our two younger brothers, were never expected to do any hands on, dirty work when it came to our upbringing as in doing the chores, my sister and I did all of that.

This of course extended into adulthood. But dad, mother and my aunt always looked upon our brothers as some kind of demi-gods in terms of recognition,
appointments of them w/all legalities w/POA, and the like. The big reason my sister took it over, is that the "golden boy," who had it, didn't take care of bs.
A big fight resulted between he and the BA.

The only time both my brothers participate, and I don't even count it as participating.....is when my sister is down to her last straw, say if I can't cover like when I'm working. She then w/call on "golden boy." He'll pick up mom and take her to his house, or out to eat til my sister returns. So it's more social.

My youngest brother.....forget it! He drops by, but makes very short, what we call doctor visits. They both manage to show up for Thanksgiving and those holidays.
But I always feel they do this as there is something in it for them......food, or gifts.

I am so happy for you that your mom is in a home. Yes, I sure hope her doctor can do something about her medications. You're strong, Sad1daughter!

Oh, and I'm w/ya on the your feeling about the husband being away.
I laughed on another post when you wrote how you pine about him going out the door. I do this w/husband also, and I do miss him when he's out the door.
But we all need this, missing one another. We're all human, after all!

O.K., You are in my thoughts!
Meanwhile.......another glass of wine, heck I had one last night, even though
I've been down w/a sinus flare-up. I figured it comes from grapes! HAA!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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I thought I was gonna have a chance to fill in the details, so here they are. Mom finally had a mental breakdown and I was advised by COA to see if she could be admitted to a geropsychiatric unit at a good hospital in the area for an evaluation, due to her sudden delusional, etc. symptoms. making story short, she was admitted, tuesday, yesterday doc said yes severe dementia and clearly chronic psych issues, they'll keep her there for 10 to 12 days, and then, as the social worker said, we'll have to find somewhere for her. I know I can't do it anymore, but my brother claims there's not enough funds for a nh. I say "get rid of some of her assets then! "(land, mostly) But he's lazy and has been as far as I can tell skimming her monthly income anyway, as he is POA, but in a different state.
Anyway, there's too many complicated details, but all I really wanted to share was what my mom said to me on the phone today (actually yesterday she said "I know what you're cooking up!" then dr. came in room so call was over) but today she said "I know you're trying to punish me by putting me here!" I was so bowled over. I kept saying to myself 'don't take it personally' but geez louise, there's a biggie! And still don't know what's gonna happen when she gets discharged next week. It's so too bad that my brother was given POA...& we hardly get along. wow, this whole thing is complicated, as some of you may recognize from previous posts. (Can't believe I've been here for so many months! :-) anyway, thanks for letting me vent! hugs to everyone, as always~
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