
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
How is you doing? You have been MIA, lately.
Were you ever able to find out more about the situation with your mom,
and she making those claims about her liver?
You notice how any one who is especially manifests their dysfunction via anger....
will usually start escalating a health issue. Our aunt managed to do this each and every time she had a doctor's appointment. My sister, the POA, did not have MPOA, for our aunt, so was at a complete loss as to what exactly was really going on w/her health; my sister never went to an actual doctor's visit w/her. So here she was the one living at mom's, with our aunt....but never really got a handle, as to say whether my aunt's complaints were real/imagined. I've realized from other posters here, how delicate a situation becomes when they don't have MPOA of a patient they're in charge of.
Well anyway....I hope in your case you were able to get to the real bottom of that.
I think I'd posted right after you wrote about it, but the post was lost.
How are your sinuses doing now?
Mine are giving me a run for my money. It's like the very day fall started.....so did my sinuses.
Take care, hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
3 of my siblings have nothing to do with my mom. My 2nd oldest sister only seems to take an interest in what's going with mom when she thinks she can come in and tell my little sister and me what to do or if it will benefit her financially. But when it comes to actually helping out with mom's care, for get about it.
I totally understand your frustration. Unless you're going through it, nobody really knows what it's like to be the one the burden falls on when you have other siblings, especially when its affecting your personal family life.
Brandy, you can only be the one to figure out your transportation to visit mom. We don’t know enough of your geographic area to recommend anything. I would suggest a bus but I don’t know if they will be working on Thanksgiving and may be too busy before/after TG. Cab would be way too expensive. Sis will not help you. I’m sorry. My brain just goes blank trying to come up with something.
I'm very happy to hear that your husband is home now.
This is a good thing also, that your son is coming.
Possibly your son can help you encourage your husband to do things that are going to be beneficial towards his healing.
I'll keep you and yours in my thoughts.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Rosebud, is there a way to speak to someone in that facility where mom is currently at and ask for advice? Explain the POA situation and mom having assets to help pay for her cost. I don't know if you going to elder lawyer will help or not. Maybe the facility can give you a referral on whom to call? Unfortunately, your situation is Not Uncommon according to what I read on this site. Please keep us updated on the home front.
Hubby came home today!! He is doing great. Still some slurring but better than yesterday. He is still on a soft, moist diet. They gave him a TPA injection which breaks up the clots...which were on both sides of his brain...very small but they affected the speech center. He will follow up with our dr. here, a neurologist and a speech therapist. Still don't know when he can return to work (a minor detail) but the dr. said he can be completely independent...just soft foods and a better over all diet. I hope everyone is doing well and sending hugs to all!!
Is there any way to apply for Temporary housing in which you can move into and also to find a job? I worry that your siblings will never ever want you to find a job and independence.
May I also remind you that you have spent about 2 years caring for your mom by yourself? Why should bro now want you to help out when he never helped you when you needed him most? Know this, you have put 2 full time years caring for your mom. It's time that bro does HIS turn - without your help. He's still the same - selfish. And truthfully, your siblings don't care about Your life or lack of having one.
The same has happened to me. My 7 siblings didn't care or do anything so that I can have weekend offs or to find a man so that I can marry and have children. Yet, they all did these. They just figured it's my Duty to care for the parents to the end of their lives or mine. Even when I told them that the therapist and my medical doctor were worried about my dying due to stress overload. Nothing.
You have this opportunity to Do something. Most of us do not have siblings who take in the parent. So for us to find true meaning in our lives is...not really there. While your brother has mom, this is the best time to Start doing something. Because, your bro may change his mind after several weeks of mom and her interference or too much work caring for her. He might send her back home to you. And then you will truly be stuck again. Back to square one. So, while mom is with bro, this is the best time to move and do something with your life. You can start off as part-time and set up a SCHEDULE of when you will be there for mom. Don't deviate from that schedule. She needs a doc's appointment, set it around your work schedule. Remember with work, they do not like it when you keep constantly changing the set schedule for work. You become "unreliable." I've done that for years with mom. I always did my best to schedule all her appointments on the afternoon I happen to be off (every other Wednesday.)
Yeah, it hurts when they say things about us that's not true. How do you think I felt when father was recently in the hospital. He verbally gave the upper land to oldest bro (whom father dislikes) and the house/land to oldest sis (whom he accuses acts like an outsider) ...and I got nothing. My oldest bro looked at me and laughed quietly. Pissed me off.
I agree. Allow your son to help. You keep turning them down, they stop asking
Will write tomorrow
I am a little scared bringing him home. He is set in his ways and he may be difficult with me about the soft foods. I am worried that when I work and he is alone, he may not be careful. It is hard to change how you do something when you don't feel there is anything wrong with yourself. The nurse called me this afternoon about hubby chocking. She feels he is not taking it very seriously so she wanted to alert me to make sure he eats slow. I have to watch for any changes in his attention, difficultly with word recall...she said it is not showing up with him now but because he is normally a quiet person, they may not be seeing it. I am off until Tuesday. Gotta go, will catch up more in a couple days. Hang in there everyone dealing with the issues you have going on!!
This happens in our family also. Our two younger brothers, were never expected to do any hands on, dirty work when it came to our upbringing as in doing the chores, my sister and I did all of that.
This of course extended into adulthood. But dad, mother and my aunt always looked upon our brothers as some kind of demi-gods in terms of recognition,
appointments of them w/all legalities w/POA, and the like. The big reason my sister took it over, is that the "golden boy," who had it, didn't take care of bs.
A big fight resulted between he and the BA.
The only time both my brothers participate, and I don't even count it as participating.....is when my sister is down to her last straw, say if I can't cover like when I'm working. She then w/call on "golden boy." He'll pick up mom and take her to his house, or out to eat til my sister returns. So it's more social.
My youngest brother.....forget it! He drops by, but makes very short, what we call doctor visits. They both manage to show up for Thanksgiving and those holidays.
But I always feel they do this as there is something in it for them......food, or gifts.
I am so happy for you that your mom is in a home. Yes, I sure hope her doctor can do something about her medications. You're strong, Sad1daughter!
Oh, and I'm w/ya on the your feeling about the husband being away.
I laughed on another post when you wrote how you pine about him going out the door. I do this w/husband also, and I do miss him when he's out the door.
But we all need this, missing one another. We're all human, after all!
O.K., You are in my thoughts!
Meanwhile.......another glass of wine, heck I had one last night, even though
I've been down w/a sinus flare-up. I figured it comes from grapes! HAA!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Anyway, there's too many complicated details, but all I really wanted to share was what my mom said to me on the phone today (actually yesterday she said "I know what you're cooking up!" then dr. came in room so call was over) but today she said "I know you're trying to punish me by putting me here!" I was so bowled over. I kept saying to myself 'don't take it personally' but geez louise, there's a biggie! And still don't know what's gonna happen when she gets discharged next week. It's so too bad that my brother was given POA...& we hardly get along. wow, this whole thing is complicated, as some of you may recognize from previous posts. (Can't believe I've been here for so many months! :-) anyway, thanks for letting me vent! hugs to everyone, as always~