
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Yes the hope is she will calm down and not get kicked out of where she is!
You are fortunate you dad has options with Veteran's. My understanding is that they have all sorts of services. Use them as much as you possibly can!
I am here again!! Having a hard time settling my mind down. I know it was a mild stroke...and I start to get settled then the out pouring from friends and family gets me going again. I am not complaining at all...I know they care about my husband and me...it is just keeping all the emotional stuff under control to talk with them. My husband is loved so much...and he and his co-workers have a brotherhood that is so strong. My hubby works in security for a national laboratory that does defense testing. They are all trained in cpr and first aid. When hubby got to work this morning...one of his co-workers noticed that something was just not right with him. He kept checking on him...asking him if he as ok. Understand my hubby has great pride...not willing to admit there might be something wrong. Hubby told him he was fine. "J" kept checking in with him...then hubby speech became very slurred...He told hubby...you can hate me for this, but I am calling an ambulance. Hubby told him...LOL!!! I will drive myself!! Really????....."J" told him NO!! Sit your a$$ down...I am calling an ambulance!!! When the ambulance got there, hubby wanted to sit in the ambulance not ride in the back. "J" told him...Get your a$$ on the gurney now!!! I know "J"....if he had to, he would have sat on my hubby's chest to get him on that gurney!! Yes, I am very thankful to "J" for recognizing the symptoms, keeping a watch on him...then insisting he get to a hospital. When we went to hubby's work site to bring his truck home..."J" said I hope he doesn't hate me...but I had to do what I thought was right. I have to laugh because this is soooo my hubby...his pride...nothing being wrong with HIM. I didn't call to talk with hubby tonight since I was told they wanted him to have few calls, a calm setting...and my fil said he would call him later. I will find out more tomorrow when I go back. Thank you all again, I needed to vent and get this off my mind!!
My aunt was one sick puppy!
Really.....you know mom was diagnosed w/ALZ officially back in 2007.
But after having been w/AC for awhile now, and learning about personality disorders etc., I'm 99.9 sure she must have had some mental illness.
Her assets were intermingled w/mom's. She had no kids, so we....really my sister ended up w/the hands on care for her, and now mom.
I used to go relieve my sister, but because of the toxicity she spewed at me and my history, I deliberately didn't make myself available to more abuse by her. It was too much for me, given the story I shared earlier.
She was at the end.....very paranoid, taking according to my sister about 12 different medications p/day. She did take Vicadin at some time. I tried telling my sister when things were getting hairy over there at mother's to look into NH, for her. But the battle ax was so controlling, trying to act like she was holding us hostage to the inheritance. Sometimes I wonder I must say whether my sister kind of held back on account of this factor. My sister was POA for both mom and the battle ax. She has MPOA for mom, but never had it for our aunt. So if you can imagine, here was this narcissistic old lady calling all the shots. I pretty much
tried to stay a safe distance from all of this. Of course I would go there to relieve when it was absolutely needed. But I would not allow my aunt to step over me any more.
It's great to hear that you do the same. It's not easy, but if we don't do it, there's no one to do it for us. Hopefully with your absence, your mother will have no choice other than to calm down.
Stay strong,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
It must have been really hard for you trying to keep it together for your husband.
But you did it! Some guys are so like this, not wanting to see us upset, I know
this is what I felt recently with my husband too.
Well just take some deep breaths, hug Tiger.
Let us know about any developments.
I already put out a big spiritual holler for you and your husband.
Take care of yourself sister,
Much Love & Light!
Margeaux
If you think you will go crazy moving there you probably would. Is there a care management group you could find to discuss your concerns? Of the area agency on aging through the regional government, something? It sounds like a volatile situation if you were to go. You should consider very carefully about giving up your life to try to solve your parents problem.
Karen
My husband had a mild stroke that has affected his speech. He has some weakness on the right side with his tongue. They gave him an injection to break up the blood clot. He is on a soft foods diet and someone needs to be with him when he eats for drinks just to monitor for the possibility of chocking. He will be in ICU for 24 hour and as long as everything goes ok (which it will), he will be moved to a regular room for another 24 hours. Most likely he will come home on Saturday.
I can't tell you how scared I have been feeling. Heart disease runs on hubby's side of the family, but being diabetic makes him more susceptible. I never thought he would have a stroke...a heart attack yes...This has thrown me for a loop right now. I talked with both our children, my son first. He is handling it well. My daughter, I was not able to tell her until she got home from work....which was best...she is daddy's girl. She took it well but is weepy, scared.
I could reach my fil...first his phone was busy...I knew he was probably talking to his relatives in GA. So I waited because I didn't want to leave town without him. I knew he would want to go. He is holding up good, he said he never expected to see one of his children in the hospital for a stroke...a broken bone yes.
I have to say, I am proud of myself because I held it together. When we got to the hospital in San Ramon, I found out my husband was in ICU. I wasn't expecting that...so I imagined him with oxygen tubes in his nose...and I started to lose it. I had to take deep breaths and talk to myself...this isn't about you...it is about hubby, hold it together because he does not like fuss or emotional outbursts. I was able to come in without being emotional. He has slurring when he talks but he will be ok. Thank God, he will be ok. Hugs to everyone!!
Sorry to hear that. Hope you and he are doing ok.
I sent my mother a letter yesterday - she is going to be livid....too bad. I felt so good writing it. I told her I would not be back until she can treat me better. That under no circumstances will she talk to me that way again and if she does I will leave. That I will be checking in and if she treats the staff or residences badly, I will not come and that she needs to take her medication the doctor prescribes. I also told her that she had control over her behavior as she was nice to the staff at the dentist after trying to hit me. I warned the asst living peeps that I wrote it - and will not be back until I know her behavior is under control.
We all seem to have such tragic stories - and I do think keeping a good sense of humor is key..that and keeping positive people around us! Too bad we are all over the country...we should have a dysfunctional survivors trip!
The one thing I will not tolerate from her is abuse. I wouldn't accept it as an adult and I am not going to accept it as a caregiver. And, I will tell her that if she wishes to act that way toward me then I will have to send her to a NH. I don't see any of my 8 siblings willing to step up and offer to take her so it's me or the highway.
Great attitude SA. I could feel the fire.
It is amazing to see who steps up and who doesn't. I never thought I would be the "mom" of my family. I am the youngest and I have put my life on hold to take care of my disabled parents. (My father passed away this May).
I have a lot of anger towards my siblings, but I loved my parents enough to focus on them. I hear from parents that they only get their kids for a short time, and then they are gone. I feel that way about my parents. I only got my Dad for 32 years and that was not long enough. So, I don't care how tired I am; I make time to see my Mom every single day.
My Dad wasn't the greatest, and had a very bad temper. Also, I was basically told by my Mom that my twin sister is her favorite. But I know that I am a very special person for doing what I do. It takes someone with a big heart to be a Caregiver.
You are awesome, and never forget that!!!!
Also, let your Dad know that this can't keep up.
Good Luck!!!!
The other day I was feeling it on Sat., and I'd promised my husband to help him at an exhibit for his work. It was held in this cool old Victorian style home. But it's very old, and I'm sure there is mold in that building. Well they had the air conditioner on, and whamo, it got my sinuses going like crazy.
So I've bee nursing them the last few days. I even made a concoction I found on the internet cutting onions very thinly. They are placed in a plate, then I added a few teaspoons of brown sugar. The recipe calls for squirting a lemon also on top of this, then you let it sit over night. I didn't have a lemon, so used an orange.
The next day I had some of the juice of this, even ate some of the onions.
Boy oh boy, if any of you are in need of a decongestant, or have a cough.....this stuff really works. O.K., thought I'd pass it on, I know we'll probably start hearing about people and the flu bug.
Margeaux
Only you know where you fit in to situations, and how you want to approach it. We don't have to agree with each others approach. When a person is ready to stand up for themselves they will do it...on their time and in their own way. There is no time limit, there are no limitations.