The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Glad - We have that association here on our little island. That's the one that does the monthly group meetings for caregivers with real breakfast and lunch included. When I say real - I mean real food and not finger food. They also provide a certain amount of hours for their caregiver to come to our home to give us cg respite. And they have allocated a certain amount of budget for the "patient" (father's budget went down this year to $60) and for the cg (mine went down from $60 to $40.00). I requested my $40 for movie theater tickets. I will be picking up those on Tuesday. And when I finish my budgets, I can still buy supplies for father at a much discounted price than I would at the stores. A box of Unigard (100 count?) at the store is $95.00. I can buy it the NFCA for only $60! Box of gloves at the store is $12, at NFCA is only $6.00. Yes, I agree, call around and also remember to ask the person what other programs do they know of that you can contact.

When my mom passed away in March. Father refused to go to the funeral. He's bedridden and none of the family Volunteered to stay behind to watch him. I KNEW that I would have ended up staying behind. And that just pissed me off because my Adult nieces/nephews could have said, "Aunty, I will stay behind so that you can go to Grandma's funeral." Neither them nor my siblings spoke to their children to do this. So, I KNEW I would end up - like always - being the one to stay behind. Bad enough most people didn't know I existed all these years caring for my parents - since they all thought my bro-of-next-door and his wife were the one taking care of them.....So, I called up NFCA and ASKED the manager if she knew a program or association that I can call and hire for the day of mom's funeral so that I can attend her funeral. She said that she will discuss it with my respite caregiver to see if she's willing to use her day off to come and watch father. What ever arrangements (as in paying) is between the two of us and nothing to do with NFCA. I agreed. Respite caregiver agreed. And it worked out perfectly. I didn't have to worry of rushing after the burial to change father's pampers before the visitors arrived. The cg did that.

So, it doesn't hurt to ask. One never knows the answer they will give. =)

Another resource I thought to pass along. The National Family Caregivers Association. If you have a Linked In profile, NFCA has a group there. Lots of good info.

Allison,

When people grow up around dysfunction, this is all they know, and become used to bad treatment by their so called loved ones. This definitely happened to me,
but it took for me to realize it, acknowledge it for what it is, and follow my gut instinct which was it's wrong, FOR ME! Our spirit gets so beaten down in the process, that we then become filled w/lot's of self doubt, insecure. If this happens we become that dog that's always chasing it's tale.

There's no enlisting other dysfunctional family members to do your bidding.
It would be wonderful if any of us could think that we could "stamp out narcissism
meanness/negaltivity," but we have to do this ourselves. I hate to burst your bubble, but the only ones who can rescue us is ourselves.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

I don't have POA over father but my name is on both of their bank accounts. I never even thought to share their accounts with my siblings. It's none of their business. It's not as if they were using their money to help the parents (when mom was alive.). And even then, I would not give it. It will just give them incentive to find a sob story for father to give money. Except everyone knows I'm tight fisted when it comes to money.

FYI, there is a video trending. I thought you all might like to Google it and get some laughs from it. I have always thought these scary movies were exaggerating when people running from something scary would fall down...until I watched this video prank.

Google: Japanese Dinosaur Prank. Part 1 is the man, Part 2 is a "woman".

Joan~As you know my sis is the primary taking care of mom's financial. She send me copies of the statements. I did not ask her to but she wants to. I trust her because she has a high code of following rules and she has been honest and outright when asking if this or that is acceptable. I had some concerns with her in the beginning especially when she let the car insurance lasp instead of cancelling it and getting a rebate for mom. Over all I have no reason to not trust her and I appreciate her sending me copies every 3 months. I know she is overwhelmed with all the paperwork she is having to deal with, follow up phone calls. The community is really lacking on returning phones calls to her. When they bill her for the month, she has very little time to get the check in the mail before it is overdue...but so far they have not charge a late fee. I think it is a good idea to make contact with all your mother's financial securities because as we found out, some have their own POA they want signed for their records even though mom's attorney told us that it is not necessary. It is not because the attorney is wrong... it is procedure.

I do agree with what you said about dr.'s or hospitals (ER) not doing certain testing on an elder because of their condition. We ran into this with my father when he was vomiting blood at the NH. He was very advanced with the Alz. They did not want to sedate him to scope his throat or stomach. At first I was very angry about it...but because of the advanced stage of Alz, I realized that if he had esophagus cancer or stomach cancer...the treatment would probably shorten his life since he was not strong enough to endure it. I agree that what Juju did for her mother was necessary and right.

Well everyone, I hope you have a happy Labor Day weekend. I will be working but have Monday off. Those of you who will be traveling, stay safe!! Hugs to everyone!!

50schild~Welcome to the thread. I can relate about not knowing yourself. I have dealt with that myself. I was so entwined with my mother (personality disorder) that I actually saw myself at times as an extension of her and not an individual. It is very eye opening when you can acknowledge your own identity, realize that you have separate opinions from your parent and that you are a worthwhile person.For many years, I identified with my sister whom my parents favored. I tried to like the same things she did. I no longer do that, LOL!! I hope you come back and share more with us!!

emjo, you raise a good question about bank reports and sibs. I've never thought of providing my step-father or step-sibs with bank statements and securities statements. I do know that my step-brother would like to get his hands on some of that money to pay for his dad's care when the day for a nursing home is absolutely needed. In my opinion, my step-dad has three well off children who can tend to his care plus he is a WWII vet and should get help from the VA. Nor have I thought of sending my mother's sister any financial information either. I am keeping the statements though and people can see them. This money is separate from my step-dad's and their joint account. It includes money she's saved, inherited, earned and invested that over a decade ago she made me joint owner of with right of survivorship and my step-relatives know that.

That money pays for what my mother's long term care insurance policy does not cover plus it paid for those back taxes that she owed from years past when she and my step-dad failed to pay their taxes. Now with her medical expenses and securities not earning much money, she does not pay any taxes which she now files as married but separate. Those back taxes with penalties and interest took a big chunk out of the bank accounts. I now wish that when cleaning up that tax mess that I had only focused on my mother's tax liability and left my step-dad's up to his children to fix for now he owes her $37,000 which I know will not be paid back although my step-brother agrees that his dad does owe this to my mother. My step-dad is apposed to my mother being in the nursing home and does nothing to support her financially although he could.

My wife is doing well in post op and sees the surgeon on Tuesday for a follow up. My mom finally had that kidney stone blasted. Unfortunately, she has a bacterial infection in her bladder that antibiotics have not been able to cure.

50schild - welcome. We posted at the same time. You speak the truth. We have a number of posters with personality disorder, narcissistic parents - usually mums and some sibs. You describe the lack of self, where your self worth came from. and the realisation that you count and you have a life of your own, very well. It is a journey we all are on. Rambling is fine - it is what we do here quite often. I think dysfun fam members do not know each other very well. We try to attain some image, or we are perceived in a certain role, but not outside of it. I have always said that my mum and sis do not know me well - they "create" a me that fits their unhealthy needs. People my mother has described me to tend to get surprised when they meet. me.
When you see them actually expressing some real emotions, it tugs your heart, but it is such a small part of the whole. I treasure those moments, but do not expect more. My motto is "Take care of you". Looks like you are staring to, ((((((hugs)))))) Joan
.

brandy, I agree with the others. I think your sis gets sick satisfaction putting you down. I found I have to accept my sis the way she is, detach and set boundaries. I will never have the relationship I would like with a sister, with her.
A number of us here have dysfunctional sibs. Better to realize how they are, give up the hope and dreams of a good, normal relationship with them and figure out how to best deal with them and protect yourself.
Sorry I have not been much use - between sinuses and other head aches and tiredness I am not accomplishing much anywhere.
Mother called today about some correspondence from one of her pension people. She doesn't understand it as she says they don't know where she is. Obviously they do or it wouldn't have reached her. It is probably a form letter to make sure she is still at the same address or something like that. I think I need to get the addresses/phone numbers of her various pensions, account numbers for utilities, insurance etc. and have mail directed to me. She just gets confused by it. I should be able to get most of it next time I go down, and she is in hospital. I know where her files are. I will leave her bank and credit card statements going to her for now as I can get copies from the bank branch here and I think she would notice if they did not come to her, and she would get upset. She left a voice mail that this needed to be dealt with before Tuesday (I don't think so) and that lots of money was disappearing from her bank account (I don't think so about that either). I will check her account shortly. My sis wrote and asked how I was doing with mother's expenses and I answered that I wasn't doing anything about mother's expenses and that she still dealt with them, I was only viewing her account to see that all was in order. I am thinking that I should send my sis a copy of the statements I get from the bank. I plan on getting them monthly. I have yet to ask for a cc statement but think it should not be a problem. I don't trust sis not to cause trouble and am thinking this is the best way to protect myself. If it ever came down to it the bank statements could be verified by the bank. What does anyone think? If you are POA do you send statements to sibs? If you are not POA does your sib send statement to you? Looking for some wisdom here.
Sis also said that mother wrote her that she would move to Ontario if she got a chance. Hmmm - still a flight risk. I don't think the nieces and nephews would welcome her with open arms.
marylee -glad things are better and your faith is holding you up. I love the psalms.
sad1 - sounds like you are making progress detaching. At least your mum is getting some of her meds.
assandache - from a while back -sorry that holidays suck for you - it seems as we get older, for a variety of reasons that is the case
Alison - looks like you are getting lots of insights and putting them to good use
Sharon - you have some good family visits coming up - enjoy!
cmag - nice to see you posting. Hope your wife is doing well post op. Did you mum finally have that procedure?
Margeaux - are you and hubby recovered from the ordeal?
austin -so happy for you and your man. I read somewhere you wrote he had a very difficult wife. My man had that too and she is still causing trouble. She is very controlling. He says she did him a favour by divorcing him.
juju - where are you? Are you and mum back home yet?
gladimhere - are you still in court with your sib?
heli - welcome - you fit right I with your dysfun fam. Lots of experience here.
Book – who are you doing?
Have I forgotten anyone? hope not but if so not intentional
I want to explain what I meant when I said, a while back, that I have some sympathy for doctors. It has to do with research into very increased numbers of procedures and surgeries during the last months to a year of life which have been shown to have no benefit for the patient, so docs are staring to back off as it is a huge cost to the system. Now as in juju's case, she knows her mum best; she pushed for appropriate treatment and finally got it. Good for her. However, there are cases where things are different. About ten years ago, before this research, my friend's husband had esophageal cancer and in his last months they kept sending him to another hospital for a certain procedure. He was terminal and everyone knew it, including him (he was a university prof). The procedures didn't do him, or anyone any good, and the trips caused him quite a bit of distress each time. She was talking to me about this and wondering about the value of it. I gently said they did not have to agree to continuing these procedures. They talked about it and decided against continuing. His last days were made as comfortable as possible, and his end, with the help of morphine, was peaceful. I was there and it was a blessed release. In the "old days" my son would have been kept on a ventilator for the rest of his life and existed in an NH. He was already getting pneumonia in the few days he did survive after the assault. We could have pushed for them to keep him on the ventilator, but we chose to go with their recommendation, and do not regret that. It was no life for him. Sometimes less is better. The main caregiver and the individual, if competent enough, know what it best. Medical people have been, to a large degree, trained to maintain life at any cost. With the growing numbers of seniors, that is being revisited and I think that is good. Unfortunately, inevitably, some judgement calls will be wrong.
Have a good weekend everyone! Love, hugs and prayers, Joan

Grateful cmagnum for this thread. My mother was a highly intelligent malicious narcissist, and my Dad a WWII vet whose PTSD was treated with electroshock therapy and my sister and I suspect a lobotomy. I cannot begin to describe the confusion and lack of self I have been unraveling with for over 30 years. The death of my Mom was like detachment from life support, and my psychologist husband compares my psychic attachment to her to a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. My entire identity (it seems) was about pleasing her and eventually others. My self-worth came from rescuing others, handling ever-more responsibility, trying to get approval and acknowledgement. I am now 60, and it is dawning on me that my life on earth may have its own path beyond caregiving. I could not stand what others would say or even think if I faltered one iota in the role of eldest daughter-as-caregiver. Just now am I learning that I don't have a clue what others truly think. I am learning I never really knew my Mom or sister or father. That the "system" I was ensnared in was simply adaptive to justify my existence as an extension/prosthetic puppet of Mom. Yet Mom did feel and love, which makes it all so much more difficult and the grief all the more "complex." It is as though my family were ghosts when I thought I knew them well (because we all shared a closed system). Sometimes I wake up in the morning and am astounded that I don't know what happened for 60 years. Loss of a borderline parent haunts and that haunting just gets more intense. But like cataracts getting fixed, I am beginning to see glimpses of freedom and normalcy, perhaps what others see .... My psychological awareness is increasing as I caretake (and coordinate other caretakers) for my Dad. Perhaps that hardest thing of all is to realize I do not know what my father is feeling when I see his eyes, and why we caretakers are in the intense situation we have stepped up to. I suspect most of us have a sense of deep moral obligation, unrequited love, and would hope to pass on the caring. Sorry I rambled. I really want to learn from this thread.

Brandywine-
This year try a different approach, do not ask her if you are invited. See if she brings it up. She is probably getting some sort of satisfaction from you asking. Make some other plans for yourself and have fun!

Brandywine - your sister sounds horrible! She is so controlling and hurtful. I don't see why you would not be able to go see your own mother if you want - I would go anyway. I agree too with cmagnum - I have POA for my mother - and there is nothing in there about controlling visitors. If she complains - ask her to see the documentation that you can't go! Sometimes if you bite back a little - they back down. Sounds like she has been a bully for a long time - and you all have your set roles. If you change your behavior - she will have to change hers. You can only control what you do. Go see your mom...

this site is so wonderful!!! excuse my writings and typos...my disability. i now have no control over the care my father receives; the other two siblings have poa, but i still get complaints. i was there, but now i'm 21/2 hours away. as i read what you all write, i just nod my head...yes , yes i understand. i hope my siblings don't use this site; i don't want to disrupt my peace. thank goodness i now have a church who tells me i have no condemnation when i try to keep the word, and live a good life. i don't want to go into my religion, but it helps ME so much. i know i am worthy to be loved...the hate emails from my siblings is the same hate that i grew up with. my father hated me because i was born 10 months after my parents were married; i "ruined their marriage". believe me...if i could have Not been born to them, maybe it would have been better. but i refuse to let "them" control me; put me down anymore. i am better off without contact, because i'll always be criticized for anything i do. when the hate wasn't reaching me this last time, they both started on my husband....so there you go; you can't win. sending peace and light and prayers to all of you...we're the wounded children; john bradshaw and his workshops and books helped me with all that baggage, and now the Word gets me through; especially the psalms...God bless

Not everyone is ready to do this and Brandy, if you are not ready that is ok too. Talk with your therapist regarding a plan so you are fully prepared as much as possible to on how to handle yourself. You can always come here to talk and vent even if you are not ready. Many hugs to you!!

Here are tips on how to deal with people who intimidate you:
You have the right to be intimidating to an intimidating person when they are trying to inhibit you. You have to show you're not afraid.
Keep your cool
Try to appear confident.
Kick away any insecurity you still have and look for your strengths.
Love yourself and no one will be capable of bringing you down.
Be nice and polite, but don't let any of them walk over you, speak up.
Always stand straight
No one is better or worse than anyone. So be yourself and remember you're a great person in your own way. Don't let anyone walk over you or bring you down.
Don't get cocky. If you take on arrogance they may try these tricks on you.
Don't try to impress such people since the more you try to impress them the more unimpressed they will be.
Looking away or doing something unimportant while speaking may make your opponent feel that he is of lesser importance than the task you are performing. Dousing his ego in this way may give you an advantage when you turn to contest him full-on (establish eye contact, raise voice, etc.) later. Be sure to keep aware while you douse their ego, however, don't let yourself be caught unaware! Also don't run after them since that will show them that you feel like they're better or you can't manage without them. If you walk away, you'll find them running after you.
If all else fails and someone constantly tries to intimidate you, stay out of their way as much as possible and ignore them.

Brandy~I have to agree with Cmag. You are letting your sister intimidate you when she has no real power to stop you. Only you can change that if you are ready to.

Cmagnum, That's just the half of it. My husband has MCI or something. He is hard to get along with. I think he has dementia too but the neurologist won't say for sure. I am in therapy and appreciate this site and the support I get here.

brandywine1949, your family is quite dysfunctional. I've read of several POAs on this site who have let all of the legal power inflate their dysfunctional minds into thinking they can regulate who sees and who does not visit _____. I've not read anything in either a durable or medical POA that gives authority to block people from visiting. Don't ask the next time you want to go, just go visit your mom.

Here's my take on dysfunctional family. I've got one. I try, I really try to be a nice person and the thanks I get is that I am mistreated. My sister won't invite me to any holidays. She has half the town over to her place. You drive by her house and there are plenty of cars there for TG or Christmas or Easter. Half the town and some of the next town, but not me. When I ask her if I am invited she says no, that I will have to find something else to do. When I ask her if I can go see Mom in the NH, 150 miles away for the holidays, she says no. She has POA and runs everything. She says who Mom can see and who she can't. It is so hurtful.

Hahaha!!! Book, you are so right...I wish I had printed out that one I typed, LOL!!

glad - even with your glasses on, you still need watch out. I think they have a mind of their own. They want to embarrass us when we post here. We've had some great ones here on Dys. Right, Sharyn. =) (Now that was soooo hilarious!!!)

Update on crazy mom....went took her all the goodies - cut her hair - she was halfway decent - meds must be kicking in. I love the suggestion of jelly to hide the meds - but I did tell her today that her doctor changed her meds - and I think she may take them now...fingers crossed! As soon as she started talking about moving to another place - I started to talk about leaving. Why, Why?? And because she can sign her name - she thinks she can take my brother out of the trust! Wow - really? No lawsuit for me with that one! Told her it was too late that she was crazy - but she says " but I can pink!" Sign her name....yep - you can pink alright!

Who gets the last laugh now, hahaha!! I love your cackle Alison!!

Margeaux, a few posts back you mentioned how your parents never stood up to mom's sister and her abusive behavior, and you were expected to "suck it up" and pretend as if everything is well. I can really relate to that experience. This sort of thing happens at most of my family gatherings. I don't understand why abuse and meanness/nastiness isn't stamped out by all family members... but in my Family, its the opposite, its very largely tolerated. Last Christmas, my maternal GM physically shoved me away from her, in a mean and violent way, because "she wasn't feeling good." I had gone over to her noticing that she looked tired, and attempted to comfort her. She responded by suddenly throwing her arm into me to shove me back away from her. Several people in my extended family saw what happened but no one said anything to her or stood up for me. I got a glimpse of what my mom must've endured a lot of years of growing up. Its just so sick to me... why doesn't my Family KNOW that this level of hatefulness, and hitting, is never to be tolerated?

Sharyn, you joked about how your bro claimed you were adopted. I remember as a kid not yet understanding that I was "forever chained" to my Family, and I remember going around our church and asking other adults if they would adopt me. Of course they laughed it off, but I was very serious, lol! I knew even at preschool age I didn't really like, or feel like I belonged to, the family that biology linked me to. Oh schwell. ;D

Sharyn, your story about mom's rash reminded me of a night I spent in a hotel in LA. I don't know what they used for detergent, but I itched the entire night and woke up with red, rashy skin. So makes sense to me that it could be due to too much detergent, or too harsh a detergent. Hope she's better now?

Sad1, you seem like you are starting to get the hang of handling your crazy mom, and family. I'm happy for you! For me, its just so darn freeing being able to use a combination of humor and detachment/boundaries tools to just pull loose of the emotional grip these people - especially mothers, seems to me - have over our daily peace and happiness.

But my mom is noticeably, strangely absent these days. I've actually called a few times, just to "check in" with her, and communicate so she has no excuses to go getting paranoid and suspicious of me... and she hasn't returned my calls in the past few weeks. I don't quite know what to make of it. It isn't like her to do this. So either her feelings are hurt, or??? I suppose I will find out soon enough. I do love her and just wish she could "act nice and normal" for a change... instead of... THIS... kind of behavior... its "always something" with her. Right now I'm apparently getting "the silent treatment"?

glad, I lol'd at your spell checker story. How do our electronics, with their little tech brains, go from Xanax to Saab? ...just how does that happen...??? ;D

Margeaux, your sis and sil's dynamic sounds all too familiar to me. The tendency that certain family members have potential to clash... and the sense that it stems from one of their's perception of being slighted... and it just all adds up to DRAMA. Maybe if you keep "preaching the gospel of detachment" to sis, she will begin to enact one day. And I personally am finding the old adage of "killing them with kindness" to be something that is going to be useful to me as well... detached as hell and dripping with sweetness... cackle, cackle...

Oh, plumbers just showed up, everyone have a good day!

About 5th paragraph:

Should say: youngest daughter didn't say hello, not hell.

HAAH, sorry about that!
Margeaux

I spoke with my sister. She's at it again w/her struggles with our SIL.

I'd posted some time ago....well almost a year ago, about how demoralized I came home from Thanksgiving last year. My sister who lives at mom's has for the last several years been in charge of Thanksgiving. We bring dishes, too but she does the majority of the cooking. As the years have passed, I used to suggest to her she try to cut back, since she is the main caregiver and works full time.

I also have a very difficult SIL, married to our youngest brother. She and my sister have always had a competitive spirit going on, they both have two daughters.

SIL wears the pants, and I really think my brother has come to ignore her over the years. At last TG, my brother and his family showed up. My sister's first grandson tried giving one of his toys to my SIL"s youngest girl, age 19. She ignored the baby, followed by SIL doing the same.

I was told about this later that day, by my sister who was very upset about it.
But I also came to find out that my sister's own youngest daughter didn't say hell to my brother's family when they arrived at mom's home either. This fact is something that my sister downplays too. Her daughter has been somewhat of a problem and she lives there at mom's also; she's age 24. So in essence there's always this tension between them, and my sister and SIL, are at the root of it, since I know their history.

My sister filled my ear w/all of this event for the next couple of mos.
I gave her advice.....telling her that I do think our SIL has a PD of some kind.
Sometimes I'm thinking my sister does also. Anyway, my biggest suggestion was to stop engaging.....and being in touch w/the SIL. She and my sister had been texting, or anytime there was an invitation for anything, my sister would contact SIL. Well over the mos., that came to a halt. If ever there was any communication to be had, now my sister would call our brother.

This last month, my sister was invited to go to their home w/boyfriend and mom for a barbeque. While they were there, the SIL got ahold of my sister alone, and said something like...."Oh, I wanted to go to a food truck event, today."
Of course, my sister didn't take to this comment, since according to her it implies she really didn't want them there or something of the sort. Again, I realize w/my sister that she is on the defensive too, because she isn't in much communication w/SIL.
My sister responded, "Well, you should have gone." SIL: "Yes, but I wanted your brother to go with me."

My take on SIL, is she always manages to say not only off the wall statements,
but very unkind things. My sister knows this about her. But no! I had to hear the litany of excuses by my sister as to how she perceives the relationship between my brother and his wife. Ay yay yay! I told my sister that next time if she says something like this, she should respond "That's not my problem." Honestly, I didn't know what to say to my own sister. She goes round and round with the same issues, and volunteers form some of this, if you ask me.

What I don't understand is why my sister even goes to my brother's home, given all of this weird tension. So, this and other's posts here about the holidays has reminded me all too well what is upon us very soon.

I just may finally make our own turkey this year.

Margeaux

Sad1daughter,

What a day you had!

These kind of elders will find anything wrong to complain about.
The more one does for them, the more they want, too.

This is the way it was while our aunt, mom's sister was alive. Nothing but complaints, and changing or threats of changing POA, on my sister. She wasn't in a nursing home either. I thought she should be. On that end, I'm happy for you that your mom doesn't live with you.

Well I hope you were able to take care of whatever particulars you needed to tend to while you were at her nursing home, and that they find a way for her to take her medication. Her behavior has to be quite dramatic if your saying the people at the NH, have said they've never seen anything like it.

Hang in there, and I'll join you with a glass of wine and we can order up a martini for you.

You are in my thoughts.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

And never, ever, use my tablet unless I'm wearing my reading glasses!

Had to post this for all to laugh. I posted it in response to a caregiver question about antipsychotics.

antipsychotics. My mom takes 75 mg of seroquel, daily about 4. It really seems to help with the subdomains most of the time. Some AD take up to 400 mg a day. Sometimes of course there are still problems with her perception of reality, and she becomes quite angry. Ugly thing. Those times, probably once a month or so half a Saabs is added.

I really hate the spell checker on my tablet! Subdomains should have been sundowning, and saab should have been Xanax! Can you imagine taking 1/2 a Saab?! LOL!!

Sharyn, my mom was the same – about the rashes. I had tried different laundry soaps until we found the one that she did not break out in rashes.

Sad1, how does your mom feel about jelly/jam? Has her taste buds change where she now likes sweets or has it changed where she doesn’t like it? My father doesn’t like sweets – because it’s so sweet. If your mom still likes sweet, can you ask them to crush her pills and put it in jelly? Because jelly is sweet, it will cover the bitterness of the crushed pills. If she doesn’t like sweet, then need to brainstorm on an alternative.